I'M IN FLORENCE, ITALY! I'm all good, guys. Settled in, had my first week of classes, and now I FINALLY have some downtime. But I'm not complaining that I've been a little busy ;) I'm just constantly amazed; if you live in the US, it's so odd that at literally every turn here is another historical building or statue...they're just everywhere...and all of them never cease to amaze me...lordy I have to walk by the Duomo everyday and each time I see it it literally takes my breath away :)
Anyway, thank you to all my reviewers: Guest, R, JCarabaguiaz, CheriEstella, heidi1245401, Guest, jadegurl2, gigi, justforfics, and SquidaQdaloo
Guest: I'm glad :) We'll have a couple more Murphy-centered chapters before this fanfic is done!
R: Much differently than how they treat him on the ground, eh? And thank you, so far I'm having a marvelous time!
gigi: Don't worry, I have no fear of stopping this story. I basically have most of it written, so even if something were to tragically happen to me, you'd still basically have the whole thing anyway ;) And I will indeed write more Blake sibling moments! Although I'm sorry about what happens in this chapter...in advance...sorry
7 years after start of the program
Bellamy looked at himself in the dingy mirror by the door before he left that morning. He wasn't sure why, but in all it was about to be the start of a momentous moment in his life, and somehow he felt like he might not look the same after it all was said and done. Maybe, silly as it was, he wanted to look at himself-as a 'child'- one last time before he plunged into what it meant to be an adult here.
His mother seemed to notice his hesitation, and came up behind him, brushing his hair back and settling her chin on his shoulder. Now, at 17, he was far too tall for her to rest her own head on his like she did when he was little.
"You ready?" She questioned, "It's a big day."
"Of course I'm ready." He mumbled, shaking her off of him, a little embarrassed, "I mean, it's not that big of a deal."
"Of course it is!" His mother scolded, "It's a huge deal."
"Yeah, especially because I'll never know that feeling." Octavia huffed from his bed, falling dramatically back down onto it. Now that she was 12, and entering the dreaded teenage years, she was surly almost all the time and usually quite bitter. Often it was over something ridiculous, like Bellamy's fries being slightly more salted than hers were, or that she broke a nail while hiding during a 'random' room check. Her anger today was justified though, because it broke Bellamy's heart. He felt bad at once. She wouldn't ever get this chance.
Now that she was growing up, the reality of the situation was on his mind all the time. It was all fine and okay to hide her as a child, but a life living secretly wasn't a life at all. Was it right to really condemn his sister to a life in his room, to live and die here and never really see anything ever?
In his weakest moments, such as when he was talking excitedly about something and her eyes dimmed and he slowed down enough to realize that she had no idea what he was describing and she never could, he wondered if maybe the better option was to fess up? His mom would be floated, and Octavia would be sent to the Sky Box but at least now, under 18, she'd have a chance with a review board to be pardoned, which was the best option she had.
But to think he was weighing his mother's life, and possibly Octavia's on a random thought killed him. He would feel guilty about it for days after that.
"Technically, you're a seamstress with mom." Bellamy said, "You've taken over half her work load and one one's noticed a difference yet!" It was the truth. Aurora had taught her daughter well, and her skills were a match for her mother's. Bellamy knew this wasn't something Octavia was happy about for she was far to jittery to really be pleased doing such menial work.
"I don't even know what I'd be if I got the chance." She muttered, rolling into a ball on the bed. His sister was a strong person, and usually anger replaced her misery, but that sentence made her seem so broken, so vulnerable…
Aurora looked at her, her face resting into the frown she was wearing much more often, unable to help her daughter's pain. His friendship with Clarke did a lot, even if she didn't know it. It gave Octavia things she could only dream of. It gave his family a little extra money so that his mother didn't have to resort to her usual dalliances, and could spend more time with them. It was a protection that he hoped they'd never have to use. He tried to imagine how much worse it would be for the three of them if he had never become Clarke's friend, and it was unimaginable. Not only because of all the nice things that would vanish, but because she was his best friend, despite their age differences still. He didn't trust anyone, not even his own family, in the way he trusted her.
Aurora turned back to Bellamy, trying to erase any sign of her sadness away, for this was usually a day mothers and fathers celebrated with their children. Bellamy was used to his feelings being pushed to the wayside to keep Octavia happy. It might bother another kid, but he would give up anything for his sister. Feelings were a small price. Besides, she needed their mother far more than he did.
"You should go. You don't want to be late to school. Mess up that perfect attendance record." She said, patting his shoulder, a hint of a joke with it.
"The teachers would surly come knocking down the doors it that happened, wondering if I was dying or something." He said, but his laughter was a little forced, "I'm going, I'm going."
He cast one last troubled look back at Octavia, before finally forcing himself to leave.
He met up with Benny Edl at one of the crossroads. His friend's fiery red hair was spiked, and he was practically bouncing up and down. Coffee was a rather rare beverage here, not particularly useful nutrition wise so it was only grown sporadically, but it seemed like Benny- on good days- had down a gallon of it. It was harshly juxtaposed to his bad days, when he was lethargic and as bright as a black hole. Clarke had said in a detached sort of way he was 'Bipolar', words that didn't mean a whole lot to Bellamy, and even less could be done about it. There were records that back on earth they'd had medicine to help with such things, but it didn't exist here anymore.
It was luckily on such a week like this he was on one up his up swings. Bellamy always wished there was something he could do for his friend, but alas, other than just being there, there wasn't much.
"Man, can't believe this day's come." Benny said, "My mom fucking cried, man. Like, I don't want to deal with that this early. Your mum all sad too?"
"Yeah." Bellamy answered, although Aurora wasn't sad for the reason most other moms were sad, not entirely at least.
"I mean, it's not like we're leaving or anything. Stars, can't imagine what my mom will be like on my wedding day. She cries at everything!" He shook his head.
"It's a big step." Bellamy shrugged, "You got any idea on what you're going to chose?"
"No way." Benny laughed, "You'd think an entire year to think on it would have prepared me, ya know? But I'm still going in there blind. Hopefully I got a couple options."
"You're from Power Station. Even with no help, you'll do okay." Bellamy said, sighing in resignation, "A lot more choices than I'll have."
"Man, shit, I'm sorry." Benny said, "I forgot that-,"
"Hey, whatever. I'm good at adapting."
They had reached the entrance to the classroom. He could tell Benny felt awful, but dropped the subject, mostly because Bellamy would bit his head off if he talked to him during class. Bellamy was a straight A student, and he wasn't going to let noisy talkers change anything, even if this was his last week of classes. In was a quiet realization that everything, all his efforts to be good and get the grades any parent would be proud of, lead up to this week. And, soon, they might not matter at all.
He wasn't sure what he would pick either, even if he got all the choices on the Ark. He was caught between duty to his family and the wants of his soul. He knew it was a problem many young people grappled with.
Today was the day that they would choose their jobs that they would likely stay with for the rest of their lives. Anyone who didn't take today seriously was an idiot.
There was a well-defined system upon the Ark to take the children through this stage of their lives. When you were in your 16th year, you went to school in the beginning of the day and you toured the jobs on the Ark the rest of the day. There were over 150 possible jobs you could be placed into, and you saw them all. You were supposed to begin to judge them, and they were judging you. The leaders of each job gained teacher's notes, behavioral comments, grades, and basically everything they had on you. They looked at what they needed or would need and made their choices as well. It was a mutual selection process, and as Jaha always said, there was a job for everyone, even if it wasn't clear of wasn't what you originally wanted.
For some, it was painfully obvious where they'd end up, like with Clarke and becoming a doctor. She wasn't the only one though. It would feel like a betrayal if in about five years Jezelia wasn't a chef or if Hendrick wasn't offered the now-open meteorologist chair.
For a lot of people, it wasn't that easy, nor was simply wanting something.
The ugly truth of it was that a lot of times, people chose within their stations. It was one of the biggest complaints of unhappy people, one gripe that Bellamy could align himself with. He, as the lowest station, might only get five or six options, and most of those would be scummy or dangerous work. People like Clarke would get nearly everything opened up to her. It was the way this worked, and he despised it, as did many others. He had never felt so embarrassed as the day he had to explain it to Clarke when she was shocked that he didn't think he'd get a lot of offers.
When they entered the after school room, and saw their futures in white envelopes, he knew he wasn't the only 17-year-old who froze. The offers would be in those lists, and two days from now, they'd be submitting their final choices and that would be the end of their school days as they knew it.
This, the after school group, wouldn't end. It had long ago stopped being sanctioned and more was an accessible room to hang out with friends. He couldn't imagine not coming here to see people like Miller, Jasper, or Murphy.
"Do you want me to just read it out loud to you and get it done with?" Clarke broke him from his thoughts. She was holding the envelope in front of him, taunting him, "Or are you too scared?"
"It's a scary thing." He said, snatching it away, but didn't open it. All over the room, other kids his age had already tore open the seals and had given moans or sighs of relief.
"Can't be worse than what you're imagining." Murphy said, sounding bored, "Can you get it over with so we can go back to normal and all? All this 'adult' talk makes me want to gag."
"You're not too far off." Raven teased. He pulled a face.
"Longer away than you. You'll obviously be a zero-gravity mechanic." He said. Raven was another one whose job was clear, if she were a higher-up station holder, that is. She tried to not let her smile falter.
"We'll see."
"Just open the damn thing." Monty said, "I'm so curious?"
"In due-," Bellamy began to say, but Jasper had already snatched it from his fingers and tore it open unceremoniously, "-time."
"Just look at it, won't you?"
Bellamy took in a deep breath. He didn't want to admit to everyone how terrified he was that he'd be disappointed about what lay out in front of him. He saw Clarke give him a reassuring smile out the corner of his eye, and that was all it took for him to be able to look down.
"Holy shit."
"What?" Jasper tried to lean over the sheet of paper, "Don't leave us a-hanging!"
"I just…" Bellamy's brow furrowed, "I have nearly thirty offers." That was more than he'd ever heard a Factory Station kid getting. Some people had tall tales about it, but damn.
"Yay!" Clarke clapped her hands, and took the list from him. She was the only person he had been willing to let do that, "You got some really good choices." She said.
"It seems like you have a personal favorite." He said, seeing how her eyes were glued to one.
"Perhaps." She said, but he had a feeling she wasn't going to say, not yet. He was a little glad; Clarke was the one person that might have the ability to sway him. He had already zoned in on two, and already his logical side and his emotional side were battling it out.
"Man!" Benny came swaging up, "Not a bad handful for me." He said, "Twenty-three." He said proudly. Bellamy couldn't help the smug smile on his face held up his own.
"Thirty."
"What?" Benny dropped his own page in surprise, "Yo, Princess? Did you pull some strings for your guy Bellamy here?" He asked, slinging an arm around Bellamy's shoulders and looking at Clarke. She turned red.
"He's not 'my guy', first off." She said.
"And second?" Everyone leaned in, curious now.
"There is no second, actually." She said, biting her lip.
"You didn't answer his question, though." Jasper said.
"I think I did." She said, and from Wells disapproving frown, Bellamy did truly wonder if she had pulled some strings. He found himself not caring, but instead feeling ridiculously happy that anyone would put in such effort so he actually had a decent choice. The fact that it was Clarke made him glow a bit brighter.
When he brought the sheet home to show his mother, she was only searching for one offer. As soon as she saw it, she handed it back.
"You know the choice to make, don't you?" She said softly, "The right one, Bellamy."
He did, and he was starting to hate it. His heart couldn't just let this one go, no matter how hard he tried to detach himself from the idea of what he could be. This battle continued for two days.
By the time the Griffins invited him to dinner to celebrate his last day as a 'kid', he was grateful. He felt as though he wasn't capable on deciding this all on his own, and needed the perspective of someone who would be unbiased to his choice. Also, he had a burning question to ask them.
Halfway through dinner, he gained the courage.
"Mr and Dr. Griffin…I have to ask. Did you have a hand in getting me so many offers?" He questioned. Clarke's parents shared impish grins.
"We hardly had to do anything Bellamy, you're a good kid." Jake said with a quiet chuckle.
"I just…I know I wouldn't have gotten any of these good ones without some sort of help." Bellamy said, "So, thank you. Really."
"You would have done just fine on your own." Abby patted his shoulder; "You're the top student in your class. Good attendance, stellar grades, and being a good person is rewarded, you know?"
He bit his tongue, for this may be true for the top percent of the kids here, but he felt she was woefully unaware of the true nature of life for him. Clarke seemed uncomfortable at her words, now that he had told her the stigma against Factory Level kids, even if he was top of his class.
"We wanted you to have the most choices. You deserve that much." Jake added, seeing Bellamy's awkward smile, "And, like I said, I didn't do much. Just dropped your name once or twice. People know you." He pointed a fork, "You any closer to deciding? Clarke said you were having a tough time."
"Yeah, still am." He rubbed the back of his neck. His mother would tell him the choice was easy, but it wasn't, not to him, "It's between the position on the Guard and the teaching position."
"Honestly," Clarke set her fork down, speaking up for the first time the meal, "I'm surprised it's not already chosen! You're meant to be a teacher, Bell!" He had a feeling she'd fought to get him this offer.
"She's right, you'd be great." Jake agreed.
"I don't know." Bellamy gave a long sigh, wishing he could explain things to her. Getting on the guard would open so many doors to keeping his sister safe and bettering their lives in general. The pros were innumerable; his mother might not have to sleep with guardsmen so often because he might become privy to these 'random' searches, he could steer suspicion away from having a sister, he could even create diversions or other methods to keep her safe for last ditch efforts. But the thought of doing something he'd wake up everyday and be so happy to do it…
"You can tell your students all the stories you've told me. They'd love them as much as I do, really." Clarke said, "And my dad learned that the history professor is stepping down, so you could teach everything that you love."
"Really?" Bellamy perked up, but then his face turned into a frown again, "I don't' know…my mom is just really gunning for me to take the guard position…" He added, which wasn't a lie.
"Well, I could see you being a good guardsmen." Abby said, "I almost didn't have to say anything, they were already considering you. My faith in you just helped them decide. I told them you were a leader, and they're always looking for that. It's what would make you a good teacher though, too. Or a politician, and I almost told Jaha to put down an offer, but I couldn't see you there unless you were representing a career."
"Leader?" Clarke scrunched her nose, "I thought they needed kids that could follow orders?"
"Well, of course. But eventually all the current higher-ups will move on, and they'll need someone capable to lead the guard when they're not there anymore." Jake said, "You're pretty good friends with Nate Miller, he's talked about you to his dad more than once, and you know his dad has quite a lot of pull. Abby placed your name in front of Shumway, and I guess one of his Inspectors- Grubs or something- had already done the same."
Bellamy tried not to wince. The only reason that the Inspector had done so was because his mother had sex with him in return for that favor. He hoped that since the Griffins had made it their mission to get him a good choice, she'd done significantly less than she would have had to without them. And how could he refuse this, not when his mother went to so much trouble?
"It's a dangerous pick, though." Bellamy said, speaking of what he'd heard of the Guard.
"I'm not concerned about you finding it difficult." Jake said, his lips pulled into a wide grin.
While the Guardsmen accepted the most kids out of any profession, the training cadets when through were also rigorous and unforgiving and usually only the top twenty or so made it through. If you had been a cadet and were let go, your job choices were even slimmer than before. You had to be confident that you had what it took, because with even the smallest twinge of doubt, you wouldn't survive. It was also just a dangerous job by nature, and sometimes you were killed doing your duty. It wasn't all the time, or even often, but all the other jobs were generally safe, so even once and awhile was a huge difference.
"Whatever you decide we will support you with." Abby declared, "You'll make the right choice for you."
Bellamy left dinner feeing even more conflicted. Clarke's parents were so insistent that people should chose what they wanted and not what their parents expected of them, because otherwise they were miserable. But they couldn't possibly judge his situation, as it was unique, and he wouldn't hate being a guard. He just knew he wouldn't love it the way he'd love being a teacher.
He purposely avoided going home and instead found a quiet alcove to sit in, staring at his hands and wondering what in the world he was going to decide.
But he couldn't stay there forever. It was nearly curfew soon, and to be caught by the guards would likely mean that they'd retract their offer, and the worst thing would be a choice being taken away from him before he could ever decide. Besides, he'd have to explain to his mother why he was dinking around instead of home and he didn't want to let on how difficult this choice was for him.
This was the beginning of adulthood, they always said. But he didn't feel like an adult at all, nor prepared to go into a job he would be in for the rest of his life. But he didn't feel like there could have ever been enough help from the Ark to prepare him for such a choice.
His mother was already asleep when he returned, which he was grateful for. He slipped into bed, careful not to wake Octavia, but he just couldn't sleep. He stared at his wall, wide-awake.
"Bell?" Octavia's voice was so soft he almost thought he was imagining it. He turned around, and saw her scrunched up in a ball, just as awake as he was.
"Hey, O, you should be asleep." He said.
"Don't worry about me. How was Clarke's?"
"Good." He whispered back, "Like always."
There was a long pause.
"Have you decided on a job yet?"
He gave a long sigh, staring at the thin cotton blanket they shared.
"No." He couldn't lie to his sister; he'd never been able to even get the tiniest lie past her. Soon, it because more reasonable just to be honest, "Mom thinks it should be easy. Maybe she's right…" He expected another bitter response that even though her age group would be deciding in five years, she never would be, but it never came. Instead, she played with a loose thread on her sleeve. He could tell she was trying to find the right words for something, so he waited.
"Bellamy," She rarely used his full name, so he listened closely, "Don't chose the guard."
"What?" He said a little louder than he intended, and both he and his sister lay frozen for a couple moments, waiting to see if they'd woken their mother, but luckily she was fast asleep still.
"Just…" She pressed a finger to her temple; "You've given up everything for me. You never can have friends over, you have to give up half of everything you get, you never get to be fully satisfied with a meal unless you go to Clarke's…" She met his gaze, "I'm not stupid, Bell, I know what me being your sister means."
"Octavia, I would never-," He began to say, wanting to try to make her understand that he would gladly give those things up for her, a thousand times over.
"You don't care." She finished for him, giving a weak smile, "I know. That's why you shouldn't choose it. Fuck mom, you know? This is your life, one that will eventually leave ours. You should be allowed to be happy. You'll make a great teacher."
"But you-,"
"Don't worry about me. You've given me everything, I can't ask for anything more. We will survive. We have up until now, right?" She whispered, and leaned forward to kiss his forehead, "Make the right choice for you, Bell." She murmured, lazily rolling over, clearly settled enough to sleep.
Bellamy, on the other hand, would stare at the ceiling all night.
When morning came, he pretty much knew his answer.
His palms were sweaty walking to the classroom, where it would be a short day, just long enough for each student in his grade year to meet with someone on the council that would record their official choice, and then they'd be done with school…forever.
"You ready?" Benny clapped his back, "I think I got it all figure out."
"Me too." He gave a weak smile.
In all, there were ten people from the afterschool group graduating in his year. They sat alphabetically today and it sat him next to a kid he only knew by name, and Marten Cottingham, someone from his group. Naturally, he turned to Marten. As he did, he contemplated how years ago, before the group and all; he might not have had the courage or even want to talk to anyone. He wondered how lonely his life might just be if this hadn't started up, or if his life maybe would have been led to a different path.
"Blake, you ready?" Marten asked, leaning back in his chair. The line was moving steadily, and soon it would be his turn. He almost wished he could have had a 'z' last name, somewhere in the back.
"If I said no, wouldn't change much." He said, "You got good choices for your offers?"
"What I expected." Marten waved a dismissive hand, "It's in the family, you know? Don't really think I'd go anywhere else."
"Water works, then?" Bellamy recalled Marten was from Hydra station. Just because some people fell outside of where their parents worked didn't mean everyone did.
"Been shadowing my parents since I was like seven. At least I'll go into it knowing what I'm doing." Marten didn't sound all too convinced.
"But really, if you could pick anything, what would it be?" Bellamy asked, lowering his voice, and Marten shrugged.
"I never thought of anything else." He admitted, "What about you, Blake? I hope you got at least a few good offers." He said with sympathy.
"I got enough." Bellamy knew that he meant no ill-will to assume he might be lacking in choices, since most from Factory would, but his assumption still hit a nerve.
"Will you be happy?" Marten turned the question he'd been getting to around. Bellamy contemplated his choice he would say when he walked in there. He gave a smile.
"Yeah. I will."
"Good." This seemed to relax Marten, "At least one of us is sure."
Not even a moment after, his teacher was calling his name. He walked into the little side-room and was greeted by Clarke's mother.
"Abby, I mean-," He said, and tried to backtrack when he noticed Jaha sitting beside her.
"It's fine, son." Jaha raised a hand, "I know that you are close with Clarke's family."
"Chancellor." Bellamy wondered what was so monumental about their class that the chancellor himself was in attendance?
"So, Bellamy." Abby said, bringing up his file, "What have you chosen?"
"The guard." Bellamy said, and he tried to read Abby's face for disappointment, but she had a neutral expression.
"The guards will greatly benefit a mind like yours." Jaha said, which was all that was said upon the subject. The rest of the meeting was times to report back, rules of his new position in short, and other very political like things. When he signed the contract, his fingers didn't even shiver.
The choice really was easy. On his way home last night, he'd been nearly positive he was going to chose to be a teacher. But when Octavia opened up, begging him to chose that other job, he realized she was willing to give up safety for his happiness. And for a selfish moment, he was going to take it. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized that just because he was a guardsman didn't mean he wouldn't ever teach anything again. And it was the best of both worlds. It was a compromise, at least. He was willing to do that much for someone he loved so very much.
As he was let out through a side door and into the halls, the reality of the situation struck him. He was done with school forever, and he was now a cadet in the Guard.
While on his way to the after-school area, he ran into the very person he was hoping to find eventually.
"Chief Miller!" He said, nearly bowling over Nate's father.
"Bellamy! I just got the update." The chief was grinning ear to ear, "I don't like to admit I play favorites, but I was hoping so very much you'd chose our little slice of life on the Ark." He said, "Miller speaks highly of you, and your grades speak for themselves."
"I actually wanted to talk to you about that." Bellamy said, biting his lip. He was glad he ran into Miller instead of Shumway, because the latter was more stern and less likely to hear his request with respect. Also, he felt safer telling Chief Miller his true feelings.
"I'm all ears." Chief Miller said, motioning for him to continue.
"The choice was hard. Really hard. I think if circumstances had been different, even by one factor, I would have taken up a teaching job without a moment hesitation. But it's not, and I know I can be happy here, but…I'm a leader, I'm not a follower." The conversation at Clarke's house returned to him, "And…I know it's years and years away but there has to be a position of someone teaching something within the guard, and I don't know how frequently it opens, or if I'd need to go on a separate track, but I was hoping to make that possible one day. I really hope I don't sound arrogant, but I don't think I'd be content as a mindless gunman." He wondered if the last part was a little too brutally honest.
Miller studied him for a couple seconds.
"I appreciate your honestly." He began with, and then gave a smile, "And Blake, we never thought you'd be happy as a 'mindless gunman' either. Certain people are…well, we take an interest in them, see how they do in the first two years of training, and yes, we do pick out a special few to groom for certain jobs, one of them to train new cadets. I'm sure we would have picked you out eventually, but just do your best as a cadet, and I will keep this conversation in mind. Shumway believes you are capable of great things, Blake, don't let us down."
A relief washed over Bellamy. Maybe he could have both worlds?
"I won't, I promise."
"Bell?"
He turned to see Clarke around the corner, watching the exchange between him and Chief Miller with a crestfallen expression.
"Clarke." Miller nodded to her, and she barley gave a response. Bellamy felt as though he was approaching a fury as he came up to her.
"You picked the guard." She said, frowning. He knew that she had really done a lot to get him the teacher pick, and he felt awful.
"Yeah." He tried not to sound depressed, "You know, there were a lot of things going into the decision…complicated things." Did he ever wish he could just be honest with her, "I'm sorry. Are you upset with me?" He asked, cringing before she answered. A Clarke that was disappointed in him might be the worst thing he could imagine.
She looked taken aback.
"Upset?" She said, "Bellamy…" she put a hand on his arm, "I couldn't be upset. It's your life. I mean, I just thought you'd be so good as a teacher, I could really see it. You love teaching. This means that there has to be something holding you back, something swaying you. I understand there are probably some factors about choosing that I don't understand because you haven't told me. I'm not asking for you to tell me today…I just hope one day you'll trust me enough to tell me."
"Of course!" Bellamy answered before really considering it, yet the thought that he wouldn't tell her about Octavia one day seemed unreal. It was a certainty that one-way or another he would.
He stayed far longer than was usual in the room, dreading the reactions of the two women at home. It wasn't as though he was regretting his choice or he wasn't proud of his new job- in fact, nearly everyone had congratulated him on his choice (and he noticed nearly no one congratulated Marten, the new water worker), at least three people told him they felt safer now that he was on the guard, and Wells gave him his first compliment ever (saying that he couldn't imagine Bellamy doing anything more worthwhile). Still, he hung behind.
"Won't your mom be proud, though?" Clarke asked, noticing his hesitance.
"Of course." Bellamy said, but this wasn't who he was the most concerned about. Although he didn't know how his sister would find fault, he was sure she would.
Soon, he had to face the facts.
His mother newly bowled him over when he reached the door.
"Your guard outfit came! My son, a guardsmen!" She said, attacking him with kisses, messing up his hair.
"Hey, ma, be cool." He laughed, spying his jacket laying across a chair. A blossom of pride opened inside his chest.
"I'm going out. I've been saving my coins for a reason to celebrate, and this is enough. I am going to get the most delicious option they have tonight." She insisted, kissing him again, and left him alone with Octavia.
"How could you?"
"It was my choice, O." He said sternly, but reigned to the fact that he was correct about his sister.
"I told you to pick the teacher." She said, her voice rising a little, and he shushed her. These walls were pretty thin.
"It wasn't the right fit for me."
"Bullshit!" He startled, unsure of where she'd learned such a word, "Why couldn't you just do this one thing…for yourself?" She said.
"I didn't have to. And it will help-,"
"Me?" She finished.
"Well, of course it will."
"I don't need you coming to my rescue all the damn time, Bellamy!" Octavia grit out, "I hate being useless!"
"You're not useless. I don't feel bad about choosing the guard. I want this."
Octavia was close to tears, but she was desperately holding them in, her eyes puffy and face bright red. "So if I wasn't around and you got these same choices, you're saying you wouldn't hesitate to pick the guard again?"
"Of course." He said, and it seemed convincing to himself, but as he had realized long ago, he couldn't lie to his sister. Her lip quivered even more, but it was with anger, not with sadness, "What's so wrong about wanting to do something for my baby sister?"
"The fact that you have one! The fact that you felt he need to 'do something' for me, when I never asked you to! You love being a martyr, don't you? You're going to complain about this for years to come, bring it up in spite when you're angry with me that you could have had it all. I am a burden, I am a life changer, I am sadness." She said, and then, so quietly he almost missed it, "I wish I had never been born."
"Octavia, please, don't say that." Bellamy begged, feeling tears spring to his eyes, and reaching forward but she swat his hand away. His mother opened the door to see both her children near tears, something wrapped in tinfoil balancing on her fingers.
"What is going on?" She asked as she locked the door behind her. Octavia refused to answer, just shoved back the table and opened the panel on the floor and crawled inside, something she rarely did willingly. If she could have left and stewed in her anger outside, she would have, but it was impossible.
"I'll go." Bellamy whispered, "You…I'll eat later. Talk to O." He whispered, his throat tight. His feet led him to Clarke's, although he didn't realize it until her mother was opening the door.
"Oh, Bellamy." She crooned, seeing his face, "Clarke!"
Clarke was there in a moment, pulling Bellamy in, and grabbing him a washcloth to wash his face with.
"Tell me what's wrong, why are you crying?" She sounded afraid. She'd never seen him cry, he realized. He opened his mouth.
That night, he almost told her. Instead, he found a different answer when the secret refused to leave his lips, no matter how hard he fought to let it out, one that wasn't all together untrue.
"I just realized I'm an adult, and it's sort of scary. What if everything changes? What if we're not…friends because I have a job and you're still in school?"
"Nothing will. I'll always be your friend, and you can always come here. I won't let you slip away from me that easily, Blake."
He gave a tiny smile and she grinned wide.
"See! You look better already. Why don't you come in? We can play chess and I might let you win."
Even if she didn't know, being with her, it almost made it all better.
Is anyone surprised? Did anyone think he'd end up choosing the teaching job instead? Let me know :)
Also, I'm getting to the part of the story (by the point that I've written up to at least) where children of the group start coming into play! Yes, children :) And although I already have the Bellarke child named, I'm just lazy and caught up in my studies here in Italy. So comment with some names, and I'll put them into a bowl and choose randomly for the couples, so you might get to see one of your names in future chapters ;) Feel free to give me as many as you want!
Hope you enjoyed this :) I do hope I'll be able to update weekly, it seems I'll have the time. If I don't get around to every week, I sincerely apologize in advance, but wi-fi in Italy where I am is tricky and who knows what adventures I might get up to ;) Have a good weekend everyone!
