Meeting Bilbo, the Rest of the Dwarves, and Gandalf
After five minutes of I-Spy, Jael began to get very bored. However, since Kili and Fili liked it, and they weren't asking her questions anymore, she decided to tolerate the game.
There are only so many times I can try to find something green in this foreST! I'm about done with this game.
As Kili said, "I-spy with my little eye something green" for the fiftieth time, Jael banged her head against a tree trunk.
I should never have introduced this game to them. Just...kill me...now...pleaSE!
However, before Jael could do anything too drastic like ending her life, or Kili's or Fili's, they entered the outskirts of the Shire. She instantly turned their attention away from the game by emitting a loud noise that was in no way reminiscent of a squeal.
Their tiny houses are so cute! I've always loved the Shire, whether in the movies and the books, and now I'm here!
While she was trying valiantly, and failing, to conceal her fangirling, Kili and Fili were already arguing about the direction of Bilbo's house.
After three minutes, Jael's fangirling had calmed down, and she finally noticed that the boys were still arguing. She stopped one of the passing hobbits and asked, "Do you know where Bilbo Baggin's house is from here?"
He gave her directions, and she turned to the dwarves with a smirk. "What is it with guys and being against asking for directions?"
They frowned at her, but followed anyway, not wanting to be left behind. "How did you know to ask for his house? We never told you we were going there?"
She froze, panicking. How do I explain that?! Brain? Why have you failed me? Come up with a believable lie! Please?!
"You also live in a place neither of us have ever heard of, with a breed of dog that does not exist, and a tent and bow that we have never seen."
"Uh...haha...about that..."
"You aren't from this world, are you?"
Jael tensed, the only thing in her head was a loud drawn-out scream of terror. They know!
What do I do? What do I do?
While she was panicking on the inside, her face didn't show any of it, and her mouth opened without her consent. "Yes, I am. I was afraid that you would not believe me or that you would think I was crazy and that is why I didn't tell you. I apologize."
"Yes, but that doesn't tell us how you knew to ask for Bilbo or how you knew about Gandalf, the Shire, and Bree."
"In my world there are legends of Middle Earth. There are little anecdotes of different people and places and things, and it is highly popular because our world does not have dwarves or elves or hobbits or wizards or goblins."
Who in blazes is talking because I can tell you right now...that I am exceedingly grateful for the smooth deliverance of that speech because I for sure would have stumbled over my words. I guess shock really can do wonders.
"Some of the people in Middle Earth were written about; Bilbo and Gandalf were just two of the ones that had stories recorded."
Kili and Fili would have continued asking, but they were easily distracted by the appearance of Bilbo Baggins' house.
Jael had never been so glad to see a house in all her life, and she would have gladly kissed it, if Kili and Fili would have still considered her semi-normal after witnessing it. However, she knew they wouldn't, and she decided against it.
When they knocked on the door, Bilbo Baggins opened it, not surprised at all, but definitely put-upon. "What can I do for you?"
At least his manners haven't gone out the window yet. Probably because there are only two dwarves in his house at the moment.
"Kili..."
"And Fili..."
They looked at her, halted in their bows, and she grinned wryly, "And Jael..."
"At your service!" All three of them finished together.
Kili grinned, "You must be Mr. Boggins!"
Bilbo turned to look at Jael, having heard her quickly muffled giggle, and rolled his eyes, looking even more put-upon than before.
"No, you can't come in. You have the wrong house." He tried to close the door, but Kili and Fili panicked.
Kili grabbed the door, almost forcing his way in, in his hurry to get an answer. "Has it been canceled?"
Jael sighed, and facepalmed, wondering if they were really this dense or just faking it. Well, so far it's been a mix of the book and the movie, so I wonder how things will go from here on.
She tuned back into the conversation to catch the end of Bilbo's confusion, and as the boys pushed past him, she placed a hand on the hobbit, steadying him, and apologizing quietly.
As Fili and Kili took off their traveling clothes and all their weapons, she sighed and took them from poor Bilbo who was looking extremely overwhelmed. She placed them in a sensible location, stopped Kili from scraping the mud off his shoes on Bilbo's mother's glory box, and tried, in general, to keep the brothers out of trouble until she could finally send them in to join the other dwarves.
"I hate to tell you this, Mr. Baggins, but there will be a total of thirteen dwarves and one wizard joining you tonight."
He looked faint, and Jael had to suppress a grin. "Would you like some help in the kitchen?"
Bilbo started in surprise, and Jael took the opportunity to make a joke. "Hey, even though I look like this doesn't mean I can't cook! Lead me to it, Mr. Baggins."
With a grin, he headed off, saying over his shoulder, "You can call me Bilbo, and thank you for the warning."
Jael paused for a second, commanding her dogs to stay hidden outside, and then she followed him to the kitchen.
After a few minutes, she heard the doorbell, and at the sight of Bilbo's face, said, "I will go welcome them in, if you'd like."
He nodded gratefully to her, and she headed to the door.
Dori, Nori, Ori, Oin, and Gloin stood outside, and, although confused at seeing a human female, still introduced themselves with an "At your service."
Jael nodded and gestured for them to come in, but warned, "If you even think about scraping your boots on that box right there, I will make sure you get nothing to eat."
Suitably cowed by this threat, they avoided the box as if it were the plague, and she sent them into the dining room once they had derobed themselves of traveling cloaks and weapons.
She re-entered the kitchen, helped Bilbo put all the snacks on trays, and headed into the dining room.
The dwarves all turned to look at them, excited at the prospect of food (more food for some of them who had already eaten something), and she stopped Bilbo quickly before he could put food on the table.
"I want your attention, please."
"Well, you have it, missy. Go on with what you wish to say so that we can eat!"
Jael narrowed her eyes. "You will be polite while here at Mr. Bilbo's house, or you will get no food. That means asking nicely for something if you want it, and helping Bilbo if he needs it.
"If I hear any of you yelling for something, I will kick you out of the house. You came to ask something of Mr. Baggins, and he will not be as likely to help if you're rude. Do you understand?"
Surprised, and with a bit of grumbling, the dwarves conceded.
"Thank you."
She turned to Bilbo, who was also surprised, and said, "If you would start?"
He began to place the platters of food on the table, and, with a single glare from Jael, the dwarves jumped up to help.
While she walked around making sure that things were okay, and that nothing more was needed, she heard Dwalin whisper, "She seems to have a temper, but does anyone know who she is? Did the hobbit take a human wife?"
Bilbo sputtered, and Kili and Fili laughed.
"No, she came with us. We found her lost in the woods, and she said that she had been trying to find Gandalf so we brought her here."
The dwarves mulled over this as Jael heard a loud thunk on the door. Hoping against hope that it was the book version of events that were happening in this case, she walked to the door and dramatically threw it open.
With much yelling, and one or two curses, four dwarves landed on the floor. Jael erupted into peals of laughter, pleased that it had indeed been the book's events that happened, and that Thorin, in all his majesty, had landed on the bottom of the pile, under Bombur and his brothers. Gandalf laughed merrily with her, leaning on his staff.
Jael spoke up before Gandalf could say anything about keeping friends waiting. "Hello. I would invite you in, but it seems to be too late for that. Might I ask the names of our esteemed guests?"
"Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur...at your service."
Jael smiled at them, "Why thank you sirs. I apologize for laughing. It was most unkind of me. May I take your things?"
They handed her their cloaks and weapons, and she put them away, warning them from touching Bilbo's mother's glory box.
By this time, Thorin had pulled himself up off the ground and drawn himself up, trying to gather his lost majesty.
"So...this is the hobbit." He circled Bilbo for a few seconds, completely ignoring Jael. "Tell me, Mr. Baggins, have you done much fighting?"
"Pardon me?" Bilbo looked to the one person who had stood up for him this whole time, but Thorin simply continued with a small, smug smile.
"Ax or sword? What's your weapon of choice?"
Before poor Bilbo could say anything, Jael stepped in front of him. "As a guest, asking something like this of your host indicates that you have no manners. As a potential employer, while it would be wise to ask, you have ignored the most basic rule of burglary: silence. Neither of those weapons are exactly conducive to silence, and therefore would defeat their purpose.
"As that question was ill-advised on two different counts, would you like to rephrase, sir?"
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Hello, this is the standard disclaimer that I'm getting too lazy for. So this will be the last one. I own only my own OC's, nothing else. Any relation between this story and real-life events or other stories are pure coincidence OR I got permission to use them. Thanks and enjoy this "extremely" long chapter.
