Updating because my class is ending soon, so it will be hectic obviously. My family is also flying in to see my art show, and I don't want to take time away from them :)
Thanks to my reviewers: heidi1245401, SquidQdaloo, annad13, karlidylanfa, CheriEstella, and justforfics.
Eight Years after Start of Project
Bellamy set his lunch down on the table with a 'thwump', although no one much looked up. It seemed like eons since the new year had started that he'd had an afternoon off, and he chose to spend it here.
Some might find it odd, thinking maybe he'd want to be taking the time to nap, or at home without his mom there, but he didn't want to be anywhere near that place.
Octavia had apologized to him soon after the party, and they'd gone back to being the fun brother-sister duo he recalled from their childhood. She was usually in a happy mood, and all seemed well…until she got her period three months ago. Usually, when a women got their period, they went to the health services immediately to get the implant, which shortened if not took away periods entirely. If you did have a period and cramps, you could also go to get medication, for even basic pain relievers were closely monitored. The implant wasn't 100% effective (cough, Octavia, cough) but it was good enough, and most women hardly noticed their periods anymore. But Octavia could not use either of those services, since she technically did not exist.
It wasn't even the idea of a 'period' that freaked Bellamy out. After watching your mother give birth to an illegal sister at the young age of five, nothing was off the table for being 'too private' or 'too girly'.
It was because Octavia was a bloody monster on her period… figuratively and literally. Not only was their mother constantly trying to find extra scraps to keep her clean, but also she was a ball of unstable emotions. And he wanted to be nowhere near her ticking time bomb.
"Bell! What happened to your arm?" Clarke said, noticing his arrival and a gash on his arm. She immediately came around the table to examine it.
"Eh, tripped in my room." He shrugged. In reality, Octavia had thrown her sewing scissors (and to be fair, it wasn't aimed at him, he just got in the way) in a fit of anger when she realized that she'd been the one to eat the last piece of chocolate mom had saved up for her and then immediately started bawling afterwards when she saw the blood and apologized through sobs. Her mood swings were going to be the death of him one of these times.
"You haven't been here in awhile." Murphy said, "Finally though you'd grace us with your presence again?"
"Yeah, because ever since Bellamy got a job, we're not good enough for him." Jasper agreed, elbowing Bellamy's other side.
"You know that's not…I have a job and-," He began to falter, his temperature rising.
"Oh, lay off it." Raven rolled her eyes, "They know that work has been a bitch to ya."
It really had. They were required to hold more responsibility now, and while they weren't out of training, they did hold five steady half-length shifts a week at the same time, and Bellamy's just so happened to be from 2 pm-6pm. Right over the time when everyone chilled in the room.
In other years, apparently, the second-year guards only needed three shift a week, because the first year guards held the rest of it. But there weren't a lot of people that chose to be in the guard this year, no one from their class he had realized sadly, and they needed to pick up the extra slack. It wasn't uncommon for a large year to be followed by a small year, but Bellamy didn't like how it made his job harder.
"So, what's new?" He asked jokingly.
"Well…" Raven started, her eyes sparkling.
"Don't." Clarke said, frowning, "I swear to god, if you say one thing-,"
"Clarke had her first kiss!" Raven said loudly, and everyone at the table looked at Clarke. Clarke looked at Bellamy.
"I was going to tell you tonight." She sighed, "It just happened. But Raven apparently felt the need to tell everyone. Why am I so special? Jasper had his, and no one's making a deal about that?"
"I dunno." Raven shrugged, "But see, everyone looked at you. Clearly they all care."
"It's not that big of a deal." Clarke's face was as red as the blood she was wiping away from Bellamy's arm. She didn't look at the table as she handed Bellamy a water bottle.
"Who was it?" Monty asked, leaning in.
Clarke gave Bellamy an evil little smile and a smirk before saying, "Stasia Huron." Bellamy nearly spit out the water he was drinking.
Everyone around the table leaned back, frowning as the thought about it. Bellamy glared at her. Stasia apparently wasn't the sort of 'kiss and tell' person, so she never told anyone about attacking Bellamy with a kiss. Bellamy made Benny swear to never tell a soul by threatening to never talk to him again, and Clarke had held her promise, so no one knew that Bellamy's first kiss had been with that she-devil.
But, no one seemed surprised at Clarke's name she'd given. Bellamy knew from her smirk it wasn't true.
"So…did you?" Raven said, "Really?"
"No! I can't believe y'all believed I'd kiss her." Clarke laughed, throwing her head back.
"I mean, she's made it around every guy that she could at the rate she was going, at least I'd think." Harper put in, "I could see her switching to girls if she doesn't want to repeat people."
"No," Clarke rolled her eyes, "It wasn't. Just wanted to see your reactions."
"So who was it…be honest!" Monroe squealed, "I'm dying to know! Was it you, Wells?"
Wells, who had previous been talking to Bree at just another table over, perked up.
"Did I do what?"
"Kiss Clarke! She had her first kiss!"
If he was surprised, he didn't show it. And Bellamy saw an emotion like 'I wish I had' cross his face, but he squashed it quickly.
"No…why would you think it was me?" He questioned.
"Well, you're like besties." Harper said. If that was the rule they were going by, Bellamy was a little offended no one had asked him!
"Just come out with it." Murphy groaned, "Let's not play 20 questions, okay?"
"Fine." Clarke bit the inside of her cheek, seeing as though no one was going to give it up, "It was with Kieran." From the slight blush that graced her cheeks, Bellamy could tell this was real.
"Ohh! She's hot!" Jasper said, "High five!"
Everyone made a couple comments, but no one seemed to be asking the one big thing that seemed to be screaming in Bellamy's head. He didn't mean to ask it, but it sort of came out before he could stop it.
"You're a lesbian?"
The whole table turned to him, Miller most confused at his tone. Being gay or whatever wasn't a big deal on the Ark, not like it had supposedly been down on earth. Because of that, Bellamy didn't give a rat's ass about who you liked, and in fact Miller- who had come out to everyone a month ago- was one of his best friends.
He supposed, maybe, the idea that Clarke would only be kissing girls upset him in a way that he didn't expect. It was different than the upset feeling he'd experienced when he realized Clarke had seen him kissing Stasia, something deeper and more profound. It was like something inside of his heart just…died.
"No, I'm bi." Clarke said, staring intently at him, "Oh!" She seemed to have a realization; "Right…we-the group- had this conversation like three weeks ago, so everyone sorta knows now…"
"And you weren't going to tell me about it?" He asked, a little hurt.
"I meant to. I thought I had. I don't know, it's just not that big of a deal to me, so it wasn't like an imperative secret. It's just…me."
"Of course, of course." He backtracked, now feeling like a total idiot, "I was just…taken off guard. You just had really only said things about guys before."
"I'm not offended." Clarke said, patting his shoulder reassuringly, "Just was a slip up."
He luckily didn't put his foot in his mouth the rest of the night, mostly because he was trying to work through his feelings, with little success. Everyone was talking about their first kisses, and Bellamy made up a story that he'd kissed a girl a year above him and no one knew her anyway, so it wasn't like they were going to fact-check his story. No one seemed surprised or had anything much to ask about it, because he was 18 now and he was pretty sure everyone thought he'd had sex already as it were. Not that he'd had, but let them think whatever the hell they wanted to think, right?
After everyone left, Bellamy apologized profusely again, but Clarke stopped him.
"Look, I get it. I haven't really expressed any sort of indication I would like girls. But I do…I just hadn't found one in particular that I wanted to do much with. I only got to thinking kissing was something I wanted to do like a year and a half ago." She laughed.
"So how did it happen?" He was genuinely interested, because Clarke was his friend.
"We started talking, ya know. We both 'came out' after Miller, she's full on lesbian though, and I'm for sure bi. I guess I started seeing her as a bit more attractive, she thought I was cute, and we hung out two weekends ago and kissed at the end." Clarke sounded so detached from the story, as though she was re-telling about someone else.
"So are you two…" He almost didn't want to ask, "A thing now?"
"Naw." Clarke shook her head, "Kieran's not into that, and I don't think we'd work as a couple. I wouldn't be opposed to kiss her again, though." She added, and that same clenching feeling entered Bellamy's chest. He tried to push it down, but it wouldn't leave.
They had reached Clarke's house. Her parents were home today, her mother laughing at something her father said as he cooked them dinner. Bellamy wished that his family were like that, sometimes. Then again, if it were like that, they might not have Octavia. Maybe the father would have gone to the council and his mother would have had to abort? Or maybe he wouldn't have had to give up so much, with two people being able to support her from day one instead of just his mom.
"Hi guys!" Clarke said, grinning, "Ohh…" She said, trying to snatch a lick of the sauce her father was making, but he swatted her away with his spatula.
"C'mon, kid. Dinner will be ready soon enough. Hello, Bellamy. Are you staying for dinner?" He asked, turning to Bellamy.
"If you'll have me." Bellamy answered; worried his stomach would growl to reveal just how hungry he was.
"Bellamy, your arm!"
Noting got by the Griffin women, apparently.
"Just scratched it on the table in my house." He said, grimacing, and giving the same answer he'd said to Clarke.
"I tried to wipe it off, but I didn't think he needed stitches or anything." Clarke said.
"No, he doesn't." Abby grabbed his arm, looking at it, "But we should probably wrap it."
She went to a cabinet he'd never seen her open, and flung the doors open. Bellamy's eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw rows of medical equipment, lined up so nicely…more than he'd ever seen one person possess at once. Then again, Abby was the Chief of Medicine, so it wasn't too wild to think she'd have her own stash.
She had a small tube of antiseptic and a roll of gauze.
"I don't think it's infected," She said, "but we should do this just in case. How does your arm feel?" She asked.
"It stings, but it doesn't hurt bad, at least…I don't really notice the pain." He watched as she wrapped it carefully.
"If it does hurt, come back immediately. We wouldn't want an infection left unchecked. For now, take these." She handed him a bottle of pills.
"All…of…them?" He asked, looking at the tiny little circles clanking around, "But don't you need the rest of them?"
"Little known secret, we have more than enough simple medications to go around, since they're not hard to make for our chemists. They're only monitored because non-medicinally trained citizens tend to overdose if they're left to their own devices. When I was a kid here, we let everyone buy bottles and we had lots of cases of kids overdosing thinking the more pain pills they'd take the better they'd feel or adults taking more than they should because they didn't feel the effects right away. But you, Bellamy, have always struck me as someone who wouldn't use something like this irresponsibly." She said, "Clarke tells me that often you come home feelings sore or bruised from training. These should help with that."
"I…I don't know how I can repay you." Bellamy stared at the bottle, knowing that black-market medicine was very in demand and a bottle like this was the most expensive thing he owned. But the actual use of it was far more valuable than what they could sell it for, and he didn't want to betray the Griffin's trust by selling this off.
"Repay us?" Jake chuckled, "There's no need, Bellamy. We'd be insulted if you did." He said, and handed him a plate, "Now sit down. Dinner's nearly ready."
When he returned home that night, he felt jitters all the way to his room. Could people tell that he had a very expensive pill bottle under his jacket? Could they tell that he felt like he was going to get mugged for it at any second? He gave an audible sigh of relief when he locked his door behind him.
"Here, O." He sighed when he got a second to catch his breath, "For your cramps."
Octavia gave him a weird look, but her eyes widened when she realized what was in her hand.
"Oh my god, Bell! Who did you kill to get this?" She looked at him suspiciously.
"No one, geeze." He rolled his eyes, sitting by her, "The Griffins gave it to me." He said, holding up his bandaged arm, "It's for all of us, but I figured you'd enjoy it most right now."
"No kidding." Octavia swallowed two pills, and screwed the cap on, settling it behind her pillow, "I'm sorry, by the way. I think I overreacted."
"You think?" He raised an eyebrow.
"Hey, shuddup. I'm apologizing, aren't I?"
"You are…that you are." He frowned, suddenly recalling Clarke's kiss again. And it was still bothering him.
"What?" Octavia asked, and he groaned, looking at her.
"Clarke had her first kiss, and it wasn't me. It was with a girl, not that I care if she's into girls- and she's into guys apparently to, she told me, but it's really bothering me. I mean, I can't figure it out; O. It's eating at me. I feel sort of sick when I think about it, almost disappointed, just…" He flexed his fingers, "Weird."
When he looked at his sister, she was wearing a smile as wide as her face.
"Well, it's obvious! You have a crush on Clarke!"
"What?" Bellamy reeled, "She's like your age! That would be weird."
"You told me that Mr. and Mrs. Collins have a ten year age gap, and they're perfectly happy. She's only five."
"No, I mean, she's so young." Bellamy felt his face turn red, "I feel like a creep." He put his hands in his face.
"She had her first kiss, it's not like she's a kid anymore. Or, she's starting not to be. She's a teenager, like you, albeit at the beginning." Octavia pointed out, "I mean, little weird now, I guess, but in like two or three years it won't be that weird. Besides, everyone's an adult when they turn 17 anyway. Have you noticed how you haven't actually denied it?"
He realized he hadn't, and he swore under his breath.
"What do I do?" He asked, turning toward his sister.
"Just wait, I guess." She shrugged, "You're best friends. Either the feeling will stay or it will go, but there's not really a rush to it now, is there?"
"No…" Bellamy relaxed, realizing that his sister was right, "That's…true." He felt much better, and the clarity of the situation began to settle upon him. To Octavia's credit, she didn't bother him too much about it, and didn't tell his mother right away when she returned. Maybe she realized this was something that, if he ever even felt like telling his mom, would have to happen on his own time.
He thought his sister wasn't going to say anything about it again, but that night, Octavia tapped his shoulder. He turned, and she was grinning like an idiot again.
"You know, from the way you talk about it, everything you've told me about the person she is, it's crazy to imagine you wouldn't have eventually fallen for her." Octavia whispered, "Hell, I've never meet her and I could have fallen in love with her. I don't think it's weird, even if you are 'so old', it just seems, I dunno, natural."
"Thanks, O." Bellamy whispered back, "But like you said, I don't think I can or should do anything about it now. Hopefully you're right and it's natural, if the time ever comes."
"It will." Octavia said confidently, "I just know."
Remember that you can still nominate me and my stories today for bellarkefanfiction's awards on tumblr today! It closes at midnight. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, take a look at last chapter's AN!
