Hello ya'll! I'm stilly abroad right now, in Venice (My favorite Italian city...I am obsessed with Venetian Masks!) but we leave in two days. I can't believe my adventure abroad is nearly done :'( But it will be really good to get home...have chai lattes again...and Dr. Pepper...
Thanks to all my reviewers! My internet is being stupid right now and I just have enough to post this, but not enough to load to reviews to thank you all individually, but you know who you are ;)
Eight Years After Start of Program
"Stop it Bell, you're doing it again!" Clarke sighed in exasperation, catching his eyes and Bellamy frowned.
"Doing what?" He asked, confused. Clarke set down her pencil, setting aside her booklet and spun around to face him directly.
"Looking at me with those weird looks, it's totally throwing me off." Bellamy seemed to not know what to say. Ever since, oh, three months ago, he'd been giving her strange looks. At first, she'd just chalked it up to him being Bellamy. He was a weird guy, granted. And she didn't want to say anything because it wasn't that big of a problem. But at times like now, when she was very intently trying to draw an intricate picture of the after-school group, his glance was distracting.
"I…I'm not giving you weird looks." He mumbled, but seemed a little unsure of himself, and that's when she realized he had no clue.
"Well, you are." She poked him with her pencil, "So, now you know." She went back to her drawing, but when she looked up again, he was staring at his hands with a very embarrassed look on his face; cheeks flushed bright red, "What now?"
"It's nothing." Bellamy said, waving her away, and it seemed like he was trying to will his embarrassment away.
"It's clearly something!" Clarke said, "How can I help?"
"You can't help." Bellamy's voice sounded a little strangled, "It's something I need to deal with on my own, okay? Can you just trust me?" He said, his voice reaching a panicked tone.
"Uh…fine?" Clarke didn't understand what the big deal was, mostly because he seemingly refused to tell her, but clearly this was getting his knickers in a twist and her inquisitions were making it worse. If there was one good thing that came out of her friendship with Murphy, it was learning that sometimes the best way to help people was to leave them alone with their problems. Wells was the sort of guy who secretly wanted you to help him, but needed prodding, and Murphy was exactly on the other end of the spectrum. Bellamy today fell somewhere near Murphy.
She went back to her drawing, and his shoulders relaxed.
Clarke looked at her picture, realizing that she needed a break from it, and turned to a scrap page where she had been doodling something for a while now. It was just sort of a collection of hard lines, but Raven had pointed out that if you squinted, it almost looked at two people holding hands. That had given her the idea, and now there were about twelve revisions of her original doodle.
"What's that?" Bellamy's voice questioned softly.
"It's nothing much right now," Clarke said, running her fingers through her hair, "I'm not even sure if it will ever be anything, but it's sort of like…a symbol or something. For the class."
This seemed to pique his interest, for he leaned forward over her shoulder.
"What are you going to do with it?" He asked.
"I don't know, it would be really cool to be able to put it on a banner or something. But I mean by this point, we're basically a club or a society or something. Everyone's still here by his or her own volition, if you think about it. And even if you adults are busy with work, everyone still makes time to come around once and awhile. I just…" She chewed on her eraser, "I just think often how lucky I was to be put into this group, you know? One where we all have such a bond."
She spared a glance at Bellamy, terrified he would burst out laughing, thinking her explanation was cheesy or predictable. Instead, he was nodding while grinning.
"We're all really something, that's for sure. Maybe you could add like eight dots or something to represent the eight stations?" He said, and Clarke nodded enthusiastically.
"Great idea! I wouldn't have thought of that." It was so nice to have someone to, on occasion, bounce ideas off of. They worked on the design a bit longer, and then put it away and soon Clarke worked on other things. It wasn't for a while longer that she recalled making it.
Many people got tattoos designed by Clarke as the years wore on, and Clarke wasn't even sure who was the first to ask for one (although Sarah would be a decent guess), all she knew is that somewhere around the eighth year of the project, people began to realize that she was pretty good at her artwork and that it might be pretty enough to have on their skin. Plus, it was around the age lots of kids and young adults were going through rebellions, and tattoos were as good as any way to do that.
Soon, she was open for business, having people come up at least once a week inquiring about it. It was mostly people in her group, although she did give three or four to friends who'd seen her designs on others. But she felt safest doing it on the ones in the after school group, because there was an untold agreement between them all of how to act about certain things.
Her sketchbook, filled with her own doodles and one-hour challenges, became a popular place for people who wanted to get a tattoo but didn't know of what. That became the standard; that they'd pick one of Clarke's deigns. It was nice to have something to go off of when she was painstakingly putting it on someone's skin. Most didn't deviate from the design, and she hadn't felt like she had done something really special, at least not until halfway through the year. It was when Sarah came back around for her third tattoo that she found the design for the group she'd put in the back of her mind, and frankly forgotten about until that moment.
"What's this?" Sarah asked, holding up her most recent version of it to examine the finer details.
So Clarke told her.
"This one, then. Of course." Sarah didn't even hesitate, "It's really well done, you know?" She said, and perhaps no compliment had ever made Clarke feel brighter.
After Sarah came Hendrick Horn, wanting the same tattoo for the same reason.
"This group save me, you know? I had no friends, I was pretty miserable. Then bam, I get sent here and I don't know what would have happened without it."
It was about the fifth person to ask about the group tattoo in a row that made Clarke realize that it wasn't only her that had these touchy-feely emotions about the group, but almost everyone else did too. They all felt a kinship to it, a connection, and a pride that they shared with forty-four others.
The idea that came from this pride didn't even have a singular owner, it somehow was a communal thought that was voiced soon enough; maybe everyone in the group should get the tattoo?
It was met with less resistance than Clarke anticipated. While some were a little afraid of the pain, others were quick to assure them they could get small or in places it wouldn't hurt as much, and Clarke was truly a good person to trust to do it. Clarke, not only thrilled by the idea that all her best friends would wear her design, but also warmed by the solidarity of it all, did her own the night the idea was announced, and proudly showed it off the next morning. While she only ever tattooed herself twice in her life, and the other would come much later, this was one she felt she was meant to wear.
The after-school group turned into her own personal tattoo parlor. People generously got whatever they could from their houses to help her- needles and lighters and rubbing alcohol and ink. Raven was first in line, and Murphy was second and at first acted like it was Raven's doing, but actually seemed much prouder of his tattoo than anyone else, even though they were all getting the same one. Monty as next, and then was Jasper and it was only five people later that it hit her that he wasn't even officially part of the group in the beginning, but he certainly deserved the mark just like anyone else.
"What's the saying, you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends? It might not have been true for you, I guess, but that's pretty accurate for me. And I mean, you guys kind of are my family." Jasper said, rubbing lotion on his new tattoo on his shoulder, when Clarke inquired about the happening.
"So what am I? The artsy older sister?" She asked with a grin. Jasper grimaced.
"More like the mother of the group," He said, but when he saw her frown, "But that's a good thing!"
"Then who's the dad?" She asked, rolling her eyes.
"Bellamy, obviously."
Clarke didn't think it was obvious.
It took almost a year to get the tattoo on everyone, for some people were hard to pin down, even if they wanted it. She learned a lot about people by tattooing them; Bree didn't flinch at all during the entire experience, instead chatted with Felice about their astronomy class together like she was getting her nails done instead of having a sharp nail with ink on it constantly pricking her skin. Clarke had a much greater appreciation for her after that, and Wells was grinning like a proud parent, and everyone else was just sort of shocked. On the other hand, Tom Haggar nearly fainted during his and Brad-who was built like a mountain and had quite the intimidating presence-actually cried.
Everyone wanted Clarke to do theirs a little differently; some wanted it in a place they could easily cover, some wanted it in a place that out and about couldn't be mistaken. Some wanted it big; some wanted it like a secret on their skin. She took no offence to someone wanting any combination, since it was going on his or her skin for all of eternity. And it did make it very personalized, and she got to know everyone a little better since even the smallest one she did on Keshawn took nearly three hours. Roma got the biggest one, almost the size of a plate across her back, situated between her shoulder blades.
Clarke was glad everyone liked the design as much as she had, and similarly liked this group so much. She wondered why this wasn't made common before she'd started school? You had your station, but a lot of people below Hydra station weren't all too keen on being proud of where they came from. You eventually had a job, and hopefully you loved it, but that was a different sort of loyalty. But to have something like this, a group to cling to, a network of people so different from each other but yet all united by a common thought was something special. She could always find answers from people here if she was having a problem, because she had so many different views and pools of knowledge between them. So, when she would be in class and see the edge of a tattoo peeking out from underneath someone's sleeve, or the quickest flash of a corner when a girl put their hair up, revealing one behind their ear, she couldn't help but feel stupidly happy.
Somewhere in between when there were about 20 kids left to do, Murphy approached her at a time specifically when she was alone.
"Hey! Have you seen Laz? I can't seem to pin him down, and I want to get going on his next." She asked.
"He's usually at the food station in Mecha. I'll bring it up to him when I see him next. But I'm here because…" Murphy twitched where he was sitting, twirling his thumbs, "I remember you did the picture of my dad, alright? You're obviously a good artist. I want you to design a tattoo for me…not just a doodle that you put on me, but something just for me. No one else." He said.
"Okay." Clarke took out her sketchbook, "What are you thinking of?"
"I'll let you figure that out, Princess. I'm interested to see what you make." Murphy said, getting up, leaving Clarke a little stupefied. For a long time she just watched him leave, totally unsure of what to make for him.
"Really, he asked you for a tattoo?" Bellamy guffawed when he heard, "He has a heart! Alert the press!"
"Don't be mean!" Clarke shoved him; "It was probably a big deal for him. I mean, he trusts me, I think. Because of his dad."
Bellamy instantly sobered.
"He doesn't trust many…just Raven, really. Maybe me, on a good day. Jasper, I think, but he won't admit it. Finn? No, he might just tolerate Finn…" Bellamy said.
"It hasn't been easy for him. But he's still here, and that's saying a lot. He likes…okay, Raven…his dad…being sarcastic…oh, stars!" Clarke slumped back on the couch, "What the heck am I going to do? I can't let him down."
"Maybe don't start with him…start with someone easier. If you were designing a tattoo for Raven, what would you do?" Bellamy asked.
"Easy, a raven something. I mean it's her name."
"Fine, if that was so easy…Monty?"
Clarke paused, chuckling. "Space and the stars and earth. His favorite place is the space window…he goes there all the time. I know everyone likes to dream about going down to earth one day, but Monty…it's special to him."
"Jasper."
"A fox. Something about those creatures, in every video I've seen that the Ark has, reminds me of him."
"Miller?"
"Are we going through everyone?" Clarke asked, giving Bellamy a sharp look, not that she didn't enjoy it, but she didn't know if she had the energy to think of individual tattoos for 45 people. He gave a 'guilty' motion with his hands.
"I'm just curious now. And just our friend group, not the entire group." He assured, "So…Miller. Something with the guard?"
"I'm not sure. I mean, his dad is the chief, and he wants to be one…but I don't know if that's 'him'. Probably something to do with stars though. He likes Shakespeare plays, the classics, too. A hand holding a skull-that's from Hamlet."
"I know Clarke. We all read the same books for English." Bellamy said, "And I read it three times." He admitted after a second, "It's a good read."
"I could hardly get through it once." Clarke winced, "I don't know, not that Miller is like Hamlet, I just know he has half the thing memorized and he likes to monologue from time to time."
"Something with Hamlet and stars; got it. Bree?"
"A key and a locked box. There's defiantly more to here that I don't know, that maybe none of us know. I think she'll surprise us one day."
"I agree. I heard her rapping the other day, you know?"
"You're lying!" Clarke sat up on her knees, "No way. I'm totally asking Wells about that! And, before you ask, for Wells I'd give him a lion."
"Because his dad is 'King of the Jungle'?" Bellamy scoffed, because Wells was still not his favorite person.
"No!" Clarke scowled, "If that were true, I'd be giving myself a lioness or something! It's just because lions are strong and powerful and yet have just an air of regal calmness to them. Plus," Her eyes lit up, "His favorite movie is The Lion King. When he was five, it was the only movie on the Ark he'd watch. He still tears up when Mufasa dies…and I probably shouldn't have told you that." She realized when Bellamy got a smirk on his face.
"What?"
"If you use it against him, I will end you, Bellamy Blake."
Bellamy pouted, "You take the fun out of everything. And for such a small girl, you're so violent. So…any more ideas for Murphy?"
"A few." Clarke nodded cautiously, looking at her sketchbook, "I think I can make him something really great."
"I'm looking forward to seeing it too, I have to go. I have the Dinner shift tonight. See you later?" He asked. Clarke nodded absently, already scribbling away.
She instead ended sketching all of the designs for the rest of the group before she got to Murphy's. Not because she didn't care about his, but because she didn't want to lose the ideas she had for everyone else, even if they'd never know. And she really wanted to be able to focus all her energy onto him.
Really what he enjoyed was his dad, but she didn't think he wanted a memorial to his father otherwise he might have just asked. He might be testing her to see if she really knew him as a friend, and this just made Clarke all the more determined to wow him. What she knew of him was although put up a barrier, he cared about those he trusted and could be relied on in a pinch. He was aware and courteous of the fact that people like Bellamy, Jasper, and Raven had done much for him in his life, and he repaid it by being almost friendly, but she knew that he did appreciate their friendship, because Raven had told her. She was fairly sure he would do anything for Raven at this point, even go against everything he pretended to everyone else he was, and that said a lot about him to Clarke.
In the end, she ended up sketching a badger for him. The animal came to her as she was leafing through an old magazine called National Geographic, and something about the creature called to Clarke as being perfect for him. She did it in the style of an ink brush painting; not too obvious or realistically a badger, but more the essence of the creature, which Clarke thought him to possess. In the end, it ended up being one of her most favorite tattoos she had ever designed.
When Murphy saw it the next day, she read the quirk of a smile, the closet she'd ever seen him come without Raven around to make him happy. This was a colossal win for Clarke.
"Color me shocked, Griffin."
"So you like it?"
"Yeah, it will do." He said, acting nonchalant about it, but she saw him keep glancing at it, his smile breaking a little bigger each time, "Where were you thinking this would go?"
"When I drew it, I envisioned it like this…" She said, touching a little near his shoulder on one of his arms, and then down around it to his back in an inverted 'L' shape, "It will look natural, I promise."
"I like it, don't worry. I'm not taking my business elsewhere…not that I know of anyone else doing this. So, rest assured on that count." He said, smirking at her hasty assurance.
"Oh, geeze…you just know how to speak to a women, don't you?" Clarke said, but she was grinning a bit, "We can start today, if you'd like?"
"Let me just check my non-existent calendar. Good news, I'm free."
Clarke rolled her eyes.
So that's how it became for the next few months. On the days Bellamy was working late and Wells was busy, she'd go over and work on Murphy's tattoo. They'd do it in Raven's house because her mom was hardly there anyway, and they could be freer there than anywhere else. Finn often came too to keep Clarke company since Murphy didn't talk to anyone besides Raven. He wasn't a huge talker though, and mostly kept her company in spirit while he bended his little metal animals.
Maybe that's what attracted Clarke to him from the start. Maybe she recognized the artistic flicker of light that lived within her too. She could appreciate that; conceptualize it more than Raven talking about mechanical stuff or gravity logic or Murphy talking with Bellamy about gun training. But Finn talking about the struggles of getting a leg just right or not accidently chopping off a fragile head of an animal? She understood that.
It was fascinating to watch Finn work on one of those things. He would scour the Ark for draws or photos of animals, and then spend the next three months perfecting the craft of making one. His skills had greatly improved since the first one she'd seen him with.
When he did talk, she found him to be an interesting fellow. Philosophically, he was a great conversationalist. He had opinions and thoughts that were different than Clarke's own, but not so far removed she found him impossible to reason with. Quite on the contrary, he was always up for a good debate and seemed to really think through her arguments through before either rejecting or accepting them. She didn't talk with Bellamy about such things; it had just never come up. Maybe, and she wasn't going to say it out loud, it was easier to speak with Finn because he was her age. She wondered if she were to talk about these things with Bellamy if he'd have different experiences, more experiences to say, and everything she said would be invalid?
While she loved going and drawing as a detoxifier, she was a little embarrassed to realize just how excited she got before these sessions and how crestfallen she was when Finn had something else going on and couldn't make it. So what, maybe she had a tiny crush on him. She wasn't going to say anything about it. She was determined to continue being his friend.
"Have you ever sold one of those?" She asked him one day while watching him make a little lizard, "I'm sure you could make a lot off them. Someone somewhere has to think they're awesome." Secretly, she might be that person, but she wasn't going to be so forthright to straight up ask him.
"No, just I keep my little zoo." He said, as though the idea of selling or even giving them away hadn't occurred to him.
"Do you think you'll ever?"
"I don't know. It's such a long time to make one, I get attached, you know?" He said, looking down at the metal in his hand, "And it takes so long to find scrap pieces or a new animal, and it's just a process. Right now I think I'm still learning. Who would want a practice piece?" He laughed.
"I still think they're cool. I get attached to my work too, but it's usually sort of attached to someone." She said, patting Murphy's shoulder.
"Huh?" He asked, tuning into the conversation. He and Raven had been playing an intense game of Risk between just the two of them. Clarke had tried to play once, but she'd been kicked out of everywhere within five turns. As it seems, she wasn't great at strategy. Murphy was, and he and Raven would sometimes just sit for minutes before a turn, staring at the board. It was a good way for Murphy to focus on something besides the pain, although he'd never once complained. Raven and Murphy tuned out basically everything around them while in a game, so Clarke felt like she could speak freely to Finn while a game was in session.
"Nothing, go back to taking over continents." She assured, and he nodded absently, settling back on his pillow and flexing his arms just a bit before Clarke continued sketching over his back.
"Yeah, guess it would be hard to take that sort of stuff with you. You have nice tablets in Alpha station though, right? Couldn't you just take a picture of it?"
"We do…" Clarke sighed, "But not for frivolous things like this. I don't even know what my mom would say if she found out I was doing things like this. I mean, it's not illegal, but it's also not…oh, well you know."
"I don't understand the big deal. Art is a form of expression, and this is just the form this happens to take. It's not hurting anyone."
"It has though." Clarke corrected, "Infections and all."
"But you haven't had anyone get an infection from you, though?" Finn said, looking slightly worried.
"As if! I'm nothing but cautious with my materials." Clarke said, a little offended he would even think that. Besides, the second someone got infected was the moment someone like her mom found out and she'd be stopped. She had more tattoos and art and happiness to give. She wasn't about to let that happen.
"Still…" He shrugged, "I think the fuss about it is silly. The fuss the council makes about a lot of things is silly." He spoke without thinking, then glanced quickly at Clarke, "I mean, unless you-"
"It's fine. I wouldn't be angry at you for having an opinion," She thought of Bellamy's friend Ana who had a lot of opinions, all much worse than what Finn was saying now. She'd done a lot of biting of her tongue the first time they'd hung out formally, instead of knowing each other peripherally through the group.
"I just…you and Wells…"
"I don't agree with everything the council does," Without meaning to, she glanced at Murphy but was glad Raven didn't notice. Finn seemed to, and made a grunt of understanding, "I believe that a lot of times they have to make a totally shitty choice either way. Sometimes I believe they don't do that, and they pick the easy way. I could just never be a politician."
"See, and you'd be good at it. The people who should be leader rarely are." He said. Clarke felt her face go hot at being complimented, and let out a very surprising giggle. Shit, was it obvious she liked him?
"So," He questioned, not put off at all by her giggle, "How much do I have to pay you to get one of these?" He asked.
"I don't take payment." Clarke said, "I do it because I enjoy it. Happiness is my payment." She said.
"Really? Even this, which you've been working more than 30 hours on?"
"30 hours of me drawing and making someone else happy." Clarke corrected, "I get to hang out with two of my friends, and I've gotten to know you better. What else should I want?"
"Money? Rations? Something?" Finn began, but then frowned, "Although, you live in Alpha…I suppose you don't it."
As temped as Clarke was to argue that even if she weren't she still wouldn't require payment, she couldn't know that for sure. Yes, it was tempting to act so high and mighty when anything she wanted she basically had. She was quiet for a long while.
"That was a mean thing to say," Finn sighed, "I didn't…I don't think you're a bad person. I didn't mean to hold your station above you."
"It's okay. People do it all the time and usually mean it." Clarke said.
"They shouldn't. Really. I've met more shitty people in lower levels than I've met in the Alpha station. And you? How could anyone ever think badly of you?" He questioned.
Clarke averted her eyes.
"I think I might be able to do something small. Not a thirty hour project like this one," She nodded to Murphy's back, "But…like something here." She showed him her Group tattoo. His whole face lit up.
"And you'll design it, right?"
"Do you want me to?"
"Of course! Your work is impeccable."
Somewhere in between finishing Murphy's tattoo and the days he couldn't make it and Bellamy wasn't free (a rare clashing of dates), she gave Finn his favorite animal, a deer, just below his ribs. While he'd never outright told her, she'd picked up on how many little herds of deer he'd made over the years, and it wasn't just because they were easily made. Mice were easily made, but she only saw a couple of those on his shelf. But whenever he was in a rut for creativity, a deer usually was what ended up in his fingers.
"I didn't…how did you…"
"I'm perceptive." She said quietly, giving him a hesitant smile.
"It's great." He said, turning in the mirror to see it better.
The next time they saw each other, he gave her a little metal tiger, the first one he'd ever given away.
"I said I don't accept payment." Clarke told him, raising an eyebrow.
"It's a thank you." He said; although the time and excess metal spent on this far outweighed the puny tattoo she'd given him. She didn't say this, though, and accepted it.
After finishing Murphy's tattoo, it wasn't long until everyone was coming to her, asking for his or her own personal one. Murphy showed it off every chance he got, preening that he was the first to get one from her, a 'Clarke Original' as they called it. Raven was directly after, and had came to Clarke with a poem book Bellamy had shown her of a particular fellow named Poe, reading out loud a long poem titled 'The Raven'. After hearing it, inspiration struck Clarke and she re-did her initial design to have the words melting into a raven form. Raven and Murphy together did all the advertising on their own, despite that she never asked them to.
Some she declined, some (years later, as it went on) she'd take on if she was feeling up to it, and some she had already prepared, such as when Jasper came up three years later, or Monty five. By the time they were all married with children, she'd done all of the tattoos on their respective owners that she'd done with Bellamy that night. Yet that time was far away from now, and in the weeks after Murphy and Raven's, there was one particular person who had yet to inquire much of anything about the tattoos.
Bellamy.
He was always more than interested to see when she drew up a new one, or any art she had done really, but he had never once questioned about his own personal tattoo ideas she had. Nor had he ever seemed to want one, which was perfectly fine, but she wished he'd make a statement about it, and then she'd really know.
"You've never asked about 'your' tattoo." Clarke said one day, as he was lazily flipping through her sketchbook.
"I have a tattoo?" He asked, looking up, "Which one?"
"It's…here." She said, going to her shelf and very carefully taking out a folded paper away from the rest, "Just…why haven't you? Do you not want one? I mean, it's fine if you don't-," She realized she was beginning to ramble and shut up quickly.
"No! You just were so busy with other's that I thought you might want a rest." He said. Clarke scrutinized him.
"So…you do want one?" She said.
"Your tattoos are…they can't be described with words, Clarke. Anyone would be lucky to have one, especially one designed just for me. And apparently one that's hidden away…" He coughed, looking down.
"Well, it's just, it's special." She admitted, and he looked up with an expression she couldn't place, "I mean, it's for you. You're my best friend."
"I…" Bellamy was a little lost for words for a couple moments, "What about Raven? Or Wells? They just have theirs in here." He nudged the sketchbook with his foot.
"It's different." She sat across from him on her bed, "You also never asked what I'd do if I were to make you one."
"I don't need to ask!" Bellamy let out a bellow of laughter, "Anything you make I'm okay with. I don't need to see it to know it will be good."
"I'm putting this on your back, though. For life. And you don't want to see it at all?" She said, jaw hanging.
"Not until it's done." He said.
Clarke let out a wide smile and a half-laugh, something he found to be ridiculously beautiful on her. She was rolling her eyes and tapping her fingers, but he saw that this excited her…the idea that she could do absolutely anything she wanted. Not that anyone had ever denied anything she'd made before, of course.
As she set the paper back carefully, his gaze caught what was the weight on top of it.
"What's that?" He tried to sound casual, and Clarke followed his gaze. She narrowed her eyes, and they both knew he'd been over at Murphy's far too many times to not recognize the handiwork.
"Finn gave it to me. For giving him a tattoo." She said, taking it down, tossing it back and forth gingerly between her fingers.
"I thought you didn't take payment?" Bellamy said, feeling a little better about it after all. If it was just a simple exchange, then there was nothing for him to suddenly feel worried about.
"I don't." She said, and her cheeks reddened, "But he insisted."
Bellamy let his feeling of disappointment ooze over him before saying something else, something he'd regret when it wasn't the right timing at all. He stifled it.
"So? You like him?" He asked, eyes never leaving the tiny animal. Clarke looked surprised. Even though they'd been pretty transparent about their first kisses, since then they hadn't really spoken of crushes or other dalliances, mostly because neither had had any. But now…faced with this…it felt odd to be discussing this with Bellamy, she decided. There was a small voice that wanted her to deny it to him, not because she wanted to lie, but because of something else she couldn't place.
But Bellamy was her best friend and he deserved the truth.
"Yeah, I think, at least." She said, "I've…well, I've never really had a crush up until now, you know?"
"You should go for it." Bellamy said, holding back the urge to kick himself. He had meant it wholeheartedly though. Clarke gave a tentative smile at his tone.
"Really?"
"Yeah, why not? Maybe it will be something great?" He said.
"Well…" Her blush deepened, "Maybe." She agreed, "But hey, we were talking about you, and this." She touched the edge of the paper.
"Of course. When can we start?" He asked.
"How about next week? I want to be sure of the design before I begin." She said.
Bellamy gave thumbs up.
Later that night, back in his own home, he tried not to let the idea of Finn and Clarke together bother him too much. Maybe, if it had been anyone else…he gave a loud groan. He really didn't like Finn to begin with.
"You've been groaning practically all night!" Octavia finally snapped when their mother had left the room, "Spit it out, Bell!"
"Clarke likes someone." He said in a rush and Octavia's eyebrows quirked.
"And from your pained expression, not you." She surmised. Bellamy frowned, looking at his hands.
"I don't even think she sees me like that at all. I think I'm a brother, her best friend. It's different." He said, answering Octavia's question without saying much, "I told her to go for it. Ask him out or something." He admitted. Octavia gave a low whistle.
"So, I guess you're sort of kicking yourself right now then, huh?"
"Clarke is giving me another tattoo." Bellamy said. Octavia guffawed.
"Man, you have it bad. You hate needles. I'm honestly shocked you didn't pass out while getting this one, and it's pathetically small." She said, grabbing his wrist.
"Clarke's making it…how could I ever refuse anything she's making special, for me?" He asked. Octavia frowned.
"You avoided my question, you know? Tactfully, but I'm not stupid." She said, "You regret telling her to go for it."
"No, not at all." Bellamy looked up, giving Octavia a surprised glance, "I think she should, really. She's thirteen, I'm not…it wouldn't even…" he made a motion with his hands that showed he didn't even know his next words, but yet Octavia understood exactly what he was trying to convey, "She should have her silly teenage romances with guys around her age…fall in and out of love. I don't want her to miss out on that…" He trailed off, although the implication was 'like I did' was tacked onto the end of that. In between worrying about Octavia, he'd just never had time.
"And what if she doesn't fall out of this love? What if this is her 'soul mate'?" Octavia raised her eyebrows.
Bellamy tried to hold in his laugher, but he simply couldn't. "Oh, I'm not at all worried about that. They're not compatible at all…"
So, someone on Tumblr said with like five points that Miller seemed really into plays/dramas and I juST JUMPED ON THAT HEADCANNON! I love the idea he's into memorizing monologues :)
As for some other explanations for other tattoos (especially the animal ones, sans Raven...that should be rather obvious) I'm really into Native American animal totems or the whole spirit animal idea. I love the concept and I very strongly identify with my own, which is a fox like Jasper's. If you're not very well versed, here's what each of the animals mean (and you'll see why I think it fit with the person)
-Fox:
cunning
strategy
quick-thinking
adaptability
cleverness
wisdom
trickster figure
-Badger:
Determination
Eagerness
Strong will
Focus
Strategy
Tenacity
Defense
Protection
Independence
Confidence
-Deer:
Gentleness
Ability to move through life and obstacles with grace
Being in touch with inner child, innocence
Being sensitive and intuitive
Vigilance, ability to change directions quickly
Magical ability to regenerate, being in touch with life's mysteries
SDCC is going on right now, much excitement for me! I can't really research the news of it all properly because my wifi is pretty sucky right now, but I did see an interview from JRoth that Jasper actually was supposed to kill himself at the end of s3 but he thought it was too dark. This upsets me greatly, for a lot of reasons. Not only is he my favorite character, I just feel like that would have been very out of character for him. If you want to hear my full rant, I won't post it here, but you can ask...and I will rant XD
Also, very exciting, I have been nominated on the Bellarkefanfiction awards on tumblr! I mean, this is like so awesome to me! It's literally such an honor, even if I didn't win (but winning would be pretty awesome...) Anyone can vote, and voting closes on the 28th, so you still have some time to cast your votes! There's a lot of great fanfics in the running in different categories too, and there's one against me that I actually have on my totally favorite list, so if I had to hand over my win to that one, I'd be very happy! Even if you don't plan on voting for me, I encourage you to vote for other fanfics anyway because it's a great way to give back to these Bellarke writers that write for nothing in return :) Go to bellarkefanfictionawards on tumblr and under 'links' click on 'vote'. There's a TON Of fanfics nominated, I've been binge reading them all the last couple days :)
So remember to review and vote!
