And You Will Know The Truth


Elsa was dreaming. It was a hazy fever dream, where everything appeared fuzzy and blurry, as if she were dropped into a pool of amber. Altogether, the dream felt foreign and familiar at once. Like a memory that was buried at the back of the subconscious, forgotten in its remembrance and as intangible as the void. Elsa has had this dream before, but the memory of it always fades soon after waking.

It was always the same, and each time Elsa felt more like a spectator or a trespasser. She was helpless and could do nothing as she was carried deeper into her feverish visions, borne ceaselessly on by the dream tide.

"Elsa, where are you?" Anna's voice called out.

She turned on her feet and tried to pinpoint the location of Anna. She was standing in the hallways of Arendelle manor, brightly lit by the midday sun outside. Despite the warmth, Elsa was not comforted by the familiarity of her childhood home. She realized she was not twenty-five years old anymore, but a little girl of the age of nine.

"Elsa? I need your help."

She walked forward, passing through the hallways where she had spent her youth. She didn't linger long, for Anna needed her.

"Elsa!"

She quickened her pace as she ran down the hallway. It continued straight on, seemingly forever.

"Help me, Elsa!"

She broke into a sprint as fast as her juvenile legs could carry her. As she passed along the hallway, she caught brief glimpses of scenes from different points in her life. Forever frozen in time like a gallery of snapshots plucked from her worst memories. She passed by a scene in which she was sitting with her back pressed against her door, tears suspended in place as she ignored Anna's pleas from the other side.

"Where are you, Elsa?!"

Another scene, this time Anna was standing in the door frame of a motel room. A bandage was wrapped around her head and her face was a mask of rage, hurt, and sadness.

"Don't let me fall!"

Another flash. Anna was floating in the air, defying gravity as her hands were outstretched upwards. She was seconds from crashing through the ice.

"Elsa!"

She finally reached the end of the hallway, bursting through the door. She was standing in their backyard and snow was falling from the sky in gentle drifts. Ahead of her stood the willow tree and the pond. There was a hole in the ice.

"This is your fault," a voice whispered over and over again.

Elsa recognized it as her own, at different ages of her life. As a child, as a teenager, and as a young woman.

"This is your fault," Anna's voices joined in as well.

She walked forward, trudging through the snow until she arrived at the edge of the pond. Red hair drifted slowly about. Somewhere below was Anna.

"This is your fault this is your fault this is your fault," the voices recited over and over again, gradually rising in volume.

She waded into the pond, breaking through the ice as she tried to make it to Anna before it was too late. Her legs feel like they were coated in lead.

"This is your fault! This is your fault! This is your fault!" the voices screamed.

She made it to the hole where Anna should be. She dived down, reaching out for her. Red hair sunk into the murky depths and disappeared, just beyond reach.

The water was cold and deep.

Anna was gone.

... ... ...

Elsa woke with a start, gasping loudly as she regained consciousness. She was lying on her back, and above her a dazzling blanket of stars and pinpricks of lights had wrapped itself around the night sky. The moon was full, casting its bright and pearlescent glow over the desert as it illuminated the cool sands. She groaned loudly and struggled to rise when a flash of pain flared up in her shoulder.

"Elsa?" Anna's voice emerged from somewhere to her side. "Kristoff! She's awake!"

The sound of a pair of feet came jogging over and suddenly, Elsa's vision was filled with two heads. One belonging to Anna and the other belonging to Kristoff as they peered down at her from above.

"What… where… where are we?" Elsa asked shakily.

"Near the oasis," Anna answered, helping Elsa rise to a sitting position. "Kristoff found us," she gently pushed Elsa back until she was leaning against a cool metal surface.

Elsa looked around and saw that she had been lying at the base of a parked helicopter.

"It was a good thing I found you guys when I did. If you had lost any more blood you would have been a goner," Kristoff explained as he squatted down to Elsa's level. "We pulled the bullet out your shoulder, stopped the bleeding, and patched you up as best as we could."

Elsa then looked down to her left arm and noticed that the sleeve as well as much of the upper part of her shirt by her left shoulder had been torn away. Her bare skin was wrapped tightly in white gauze and bandages and her left arm was cradled in an improvised sling to immobilize it. She flexed the muscles in her shoulder and winced sharply when it protested and throbbed in pain.

"Just take it easy for now," Anna said softly.

Elsa sighed and rubbed her forehead with her free hand. "How… long have I been out?" she asked, though a part of her mind was still focused on her strange dream that was quickly fading from her recollection.

"A few hours," Kristoff replied.

"Thank you," Elsa said, shutting her eyes as she leaned her head back against the cool metal. "Both of you."

"I should be the one thanking you, Elsa. You saved my life," Anna murmured. "You… took a bullet for me, and you pulled me out of the river and saved me," she fixed Elsa with a soft look and squeezed her hand.

They stared at each for a long moment before the memory of their brief kiss flashed through Elsa's mind. Guiltily, she allowed herself to sink into the memory of that euphoric kiss, savoring the taste of Anna's lips, the tenderness of her body pressed against her own, the silken threads of her hair on her fingers, and the heat that had been stoked in her loins. Elsa had never kissed anyone before in her life, save for on the cheek of her parents when they were alive, and Anna when they were children. Still, she understood the basics of it well enough, and for her first kiss on the lips of another human being, she had thought she did rather well. Dreadful shame overtook her then, and Elsa looked away from Anna, unable to meet the innocence of her gaze for a moment longer.

That shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have done that. What will she think of me now? Elsa reprimanded herself. What is wrong with me?

Anna sensed the change as well and pulled away to give Elsa some room. She thought back to the kiss, and while it had certainly surprised her, she was more surprised at how much she had actually liked it. After Elsa's wound was dealt with and Anna was assured that her sister's life was no longer in jeopardy, she took some time to process the events of their night. When it came to the kiss, Anna had tried to be as detached and rational as possible, surmising that Elsa was delirious from shock and blood loss. In Elsa's state, she might have thought Anna was not yet revived and was attempting mouth-to-mouth resuscitation again. Even so, that did not provide an effective explanation for why they remained in each other's embrace for as long as they did, and why Anna had enjoyed it as much as she had.

It was weird… and amazing… and strange… and wonderful… and it was the nicest kiss I've ever had in my life. But it was Elsa! Anna thought. Oh boy, I hope this doesn't awaken anything in me.

They were shaken out of their reverie when Kristoff cleared his throat, bringing the two siblings back to reality. Elsa and Anna snapped their eyes back to Kristoff, who had been regarding them with an amused smirk on his face.

"How did you manage to find us?" Elsa asked, eager to distract herself with conversation.

Kristoff stood up straight and leaned against the side of the helicopter. "Well, I managed to get away from Hans's goons before the whole place caved in. I ran out as fast as I could and managed to steal this bird. Everything was so chaotic and it all happened so fast, I don't think they realized someone was taking one of their choppers until it was too late," he patted the metal of the helicopter. "Anyway, once I was clear, all I had to do was follow your homing beacon on my GPS."

Anna reached into her satchel and withdrew the tiny homing beacon that was still blinking despite being waterlogged.

"I'm sorry I didn't get to you guys sooner," Kristoff apologized. "Sounds like you two went through a ringer."

"It's okay, Kristoff," Anna patted his arm reassuringly. "The important thing is we're all still alive," she turned and smiled at Elsa wanly.

A few awkward moments of silence passed before Kristoff cleared his throat loudly. "So, what's our next move then?"

"Well… the grail isn't here. We know that now," Anna sighed, turning to face him. "The only clue we have was the map that pointed to some island off the coast of Wales."

Kristoff inhaled and exhaled slowly, blowing a tuft of hair away from his forehead. "How can it not be here? I mean, this was supposed to be where the grail was returned to, right? The holy land?"

"Apparently not," Anna frowned. "Maybe there was something we missed, we didn't exactly have time to be more thorough."

Kristoff rubbed his jaw in thought. "I just don't get it. Why go through all the trouble? Why take it across the world? None of this makes any sense."

"I don't know, but there's nothing we can do about it now. I guess we'll find the answers to those questions when we get there," Anna shrugged. "What do you think, Elsa?" she asked.

There was no response. Anna turned to where Elsa should have been resting and found it empty. Small footprints in the sand led away and up a large dune where Elsa was currently walking.

"What the hell is she doing?" Anna stood up. "Kristoff, I gotta-"

"It's fine," Kristoff assured and waved her off. "Go to her."

Anna nodded her understanding, shooting Kristoff a thankful look before setting off after Elsa across the sands. "Elsa! Hey, wait up!" she called out as she jogged up towards Elsa until she was at her side. "You need to be resting, what's going on?"

"I just… needed some space. I need to think," Elsa muttered as she continued walking up the dune. Her free arm was wrapped around her waist and her unharmed shoulder was slightly hitched.

Uh oh, not a good sign, Anna thought. By now, she had learned to recognize Elsa's tells when she was feeling uncomfortable or anxious.

Elsa sighed and rubbed her wounded shoulder. "I- I need... I just need a moment, that's all."

"Well… think about what?" Anna asked as gently and innocently as she could.

Elsa paused, then looked up the night sky as if she were searching the stars for answers before turning to Anna. Her sapphire eyes were wide, round, and shimmering in the moonlight.

"Anna… do you really still want to go after this thing? After Hans? And Weselton?" Elsa asked with small note of pleading in her voice.

"Yeah, of course" Anna answered immediately and without hesitation. "I have- we have to"

Elsa flinched slightly, almost imperceptibly from the little slip of Anna's words. She said nothing, but looked around apprehensively and struggled to meet Anna's gaze then pressed onward, cresting the top of the dune.

"Elsa, stop, just talk to me. Tell me what's going on."

"Is it worth it? Is it really worth it to you? All of this?"

Anna said nothing for a moment as she considered Elsa's question. In her mind, there was no doubt. Once Anna sank her teeth into something, especially something as important to her as finishing their parent's work, she didn't let go.

"Of course it is," Anna replied.

"Anna… you almost died. You weren't breathing and you were so pale!" Elsa replied. "I thought… that I'd lost you," she released a shaky breath.

"But you saved me," Anna said, taking a step forward to close some of the distance between her and Elsa. "You saved my life."

Elsa looked up at Anna and bit her lower lip in worry. Anna could tell there was something she wasn't saying. Something Elsa was hiding.

After a pause, Elsa spoke up. "Come back with me, Anna. Please, we can give this up. I don't want you to end up like… like," she trailed off and looked away. "I can't lose you, Anna. Come home. You can stay with me, I can… we can..."

Anna looked away for a long moment, unable to meet Elsa's gaze. There was no way she could give up, not now, not when they were so close.

"You know I can't do that, Elsa. I have to believe it's real, and I have to find it. Because if I give up now, then it would have all been for nothing. Mom and dad would have died for nothing. They would have left us for-" Anna's voice caught in her throat and she paused then exhaled deeply. "I have to do this, Elsa, I have to."

"Anna, please," Elsa pleaded as she grasped Anna's hand with her own and stared at her imploringly.

"That's not the only thing that's bothering you is it?" Anna asked slowly.

She looked into Elsa's eyes again, noting the searching gaze in them and the sorrow in her voice. The last time she had seen Elsa this distraught was when they had their argument all those years ago.

Elsa signed and nodded once, almost imperceptibly. She looked away with that strange and distant look on her face. Anna had seen that look before.

She's afraid, Anna realized.

Another moment passed and Elsa's countenance softened for just a second before hardening again. It wasn't enough she had to hide her intentions from Anna, but she also had to hide her feelings so as to not lose any of the delicate threads of control she was desperately holding onto. A single slip could lead to a fatal mistake, which Elsa had learned the hard way twice by now.

"Elsa… what are you so scared of?" Anna asked softly and carefully.

"I'm not… it's… you wouldn't understand Anna," Elsa mumbled.

"So then help me understand. I can help you, if you just let me in" Anna pressed. "You can talk to me."

Elsa sniffed, then turned away from Anna as she began walking away along the top ridge of the sand dune.

Will you do it? a voice asked in her mind.

"Anna, please. I can't talk about it," Elsa said in a small whimpering voice.

Thoughts began to race through Elsa's mind. Everything that she had tried to bury beneath her subconscious had come rushing forwards. Unbidden, they came crashing down against the dam she had built. The guilt she felt for hurting Anna all those years ago, for failing to protect her time and time again. The shame that burned a hole in her heart for the unnatural feelings she held for Anna, the utterly sinful and disgusting thoughts that raced through her mind when she couldn't sleep at night. The promise she had made long ago, and now, broken.

All of the anger, fear, regret, and sadness she carried were still there. They never left. She had carried them her whole life, for so long. Elsa knew she could never be rid of them. The demons and ghosts that haunted her stuck with her like a cancerous growth in her mind and in her heart.

Anna stepped in front of Elsa and placed a hand on her unharmed shoulder, stopping her in place as she glared at her right in the eyes. "What? No no no, you're not shutting me out again. You're not running away from me," she planted her feet firmly. "Look around you! We're in the middle of the desert, where are you gonna go? You can't hide from me, Elsa. So just talk to me!"

Elsa was trying everything in her power to keep the dam she had built from bursting and to keep the walls she put up from crumbling down. The pain was back as old wounds she had long thought healed tore open and brought out on fresh waves of pain. Her heart pounded in her chest and she pressed her arm in around her waist as tight as she could.

When the time comes…

"Anna! No! Please, just… just leave me alone!" Elsa yelled as tears made hot tracks down her face.

"No!" Anna roared and she rounded upon Elsa, tears streaming from her eyes as well.

She was angry. All of the years of silence, the rebuffed advances, the failed attempts to repair their relationship. Anna had always thought it was something she had done, that she had somehow sabotaged what they shared together. Nothing was ever the same since her fall and she didn't know why. The questions that ran through her mind, echoing through her skull, day in and day out, week after week, month after month, and year after year. All this time and she was still no closer to understanding Elsa then she had been when they were children. Anna was tired, sad, confused, and upset. She had enough.

"No! I'm not going to leave you alone and you're not going to push me away! Not anymore, goddamn it!" Anna shouted. Her emotions were running wild as she lost control of her temper.

Elsa stumbled back from the power of Anna's outburst. The dam was cracking and chipping away. She was at a loss for words. How could she explain to Anna that she had been responsible for all the pain in her life? How could she make Anna understand that she had failed her that day, and the pain and fear that Anna had to endure ever since was because of her? How could she tell Anna about the way she felt about her, the way no sister should feel about her own flesh and blood? She couldn't tell Anna about these things, how could she? As much as Elsa wanted to push Anna away, she couldn't bear the thought of existence without her. How could she love someone she hurt so often? It wasn't fair, it wasn't right. Elsa knew this and she knew they would both be better off if she stayed away from Anna. Yet, in her heart of hearts, Elsa knew she didn't have the strength to do it. Anna was central to her entire existence and the source of her greatest joy and pain.

"I'm fucking sick of this, Elsa! I'm sick of these fucking walls, this fucking silence!" Anna was advancing on Elsa, step by step. "Just fucking talk to me! What happened when we were kids!? What did I do to you that was so bad! What did I do to make you hate me so much!"

Will you let her go?

"It was my fault!" Elsa screamed, helpless to stop the endless tide that finally broke through and overwhelmed her. "It was my fault you fell in the ice! It was my fault you nearly drowned! And it was my fault that you got hurt!"

Anna's jaw fell loose as she was stunned into silence.

"All of it," Elsa whimpered, slumping down as she sat on the sand. "I'm your big sister. It's my job to make sure nothing happens to you, to make sure nothing hurts you. Don't you get it? I have to watch over you, and I fucked that up. Just like I fucked up everything else in your life," she wrapped her arms around her knees as tears stung her eyes and made burning tracks down her cheeks.

Anna hesitated where she stood for a moment, suddenly unsure of what to do with herself. She slowly sank to the ground and sat beside Elsa. Typically, Elsa almost never swore, which made her emotional outburst all the more shocking and compelling.

"Because of me… you're afraid of the water. Fuck, you can't even be near the water without getting sick or take a shower without using swimming goggles. Ever since you fell, the only thing I ever seemed to do was hurt you," Elsa admitted, sobbing and unable look at Anna. "Dad said… that I'm supposed to watch over you, that I have a responsibility. I made a promise, Anna. I broke it and I let you down. It was my fault."

Anna listened to Elsa's every word, to every lash she had ever dealt herself, and to every pain she had cataloged and suffered over and over. She had been waiting nearly her entire life for this moment and now that it had come, she could see she had misjudged Elsa. All this time, Anna had always thought she had wronged Elsa somehow, but now she could see it was Elsa who believed she had wronged her. Elsa had been carrying the burden of guilt her entire life. Anna never blamed Elsa for the incident, nor for any other harm she had suffered afterwards. She wanted to tell her this, to assure Elsa that she was never at fault. However, in the moment, Anna could not think of what to say and only sat helpless next to Elsa as she continued to grieve.

"I couldn't be there for you when you had your nightmares. I wanted to hold you and tell you everything was gonna be okay. But I just couldn't. I didn't trust myself and I didn't want to hurt you again. God, I wanted to be there for you Anna, I really did. I just… I couldn't… I-" Elsa struggled before a fresh round of grief washed over her.

Tears were pooling in Anna's eyes. The fury she had felt only moments ago bled away and vanished into thin air. All that was left was the raw, pure, and simple hurt accumulated over the long years. It may have been buried deep in a place where either of them thought it was unreachable, but it remained as venomous and potent as ever, festering like a rotten wound. Now that it was dredged up from the deep recesses of their shared recollection, it demanded to be felt.

"And then in Vermont, it was my fault you got shot. I rushed you and triggered the alarm. When we were escaping through the tree, I… I remembered what happened when we were kids and I froze! I froze, and you... your head," Elsa glanced up at Anna's scar and gestured towards it limply.

Anna recalled that night, remembering with painful clarity how the bullet had tore the skin alongside her scalp. Her scar seemed to pulse and throb as it's memory was summoned; an ugly reminder of their past.

"Don't you get it, Anna? I have to protect you, but I can't," Elsa sniffled and looked at Anna. "I'm the one who hurt you the most, and I'm scared. I'm scared I can't protect you and I'm scared I'll hurt you again. I'm… I'm scared of myself, Anna."

They sat like that for a minute, staring into each other's eyes as their collective grief and pain washed over them. For the first time, Anna felt like she had truly seen Elsa and it broke her heart. Elsa was weighed down by her guilt that she had been unable to relinquish for years and years. It grew in her mind, invading her every thought and action about Anna until she was so paralyzed by fear and doubt that she believed the only possible recourse was to hide and run.

Anna leaned forward and pulled Elsa into a fierce embrace, hugging her as tightly as she could. Elsa stiffened in her hold and pulled away slightly, causing Anna to squeeze harder.

"No," Anna murmured from over Elsa's shoulder. "You're my sister, and I love you, and I'm going to hug you."

Elsa hesitated for another moment, then released a shaky breath as she wrapped her arms around Anna and returned the gesture. She buried her face into her crimson locks and wept again.

"I never blamed you for what happened, Elsa," Anna said. "It wasn't your fault."

"How?" Elsa asked weakly. "How can you not blame me for everything I've done? I pushed you away, I hurt you, and I abandoned you when you needed me the most. It was all my fault," she whimpered into Anna's shoulder.

Anna shushed her gently. "it's okay, Elsa. It's not your fault."

"No!" Elsa pulled away suddenly. "Don't tell me that! Don't fucking lie to me, Anna! Not you!"

There was so much pain and hurt etched onto Elsa's face that it scared Anna, lancing her through the heart with shards of icy glass. The façade Elsa wore slipped away, revealing a mask of bitter anger, shame, self-hatred, and fear. The walls she built, the defenses she put up, all of it dissolved into nothing as Elsa bared the truth of her soul.

"That's what everyone kept telling me. Mom, dad, even Kai and Gerda. And every single time they told me, they had that same look on their face. I could see the disappointment in their eyes, Anna. They were lying, saying whatever they had to just to make me feel better, but deep down they knew. And I did too. It was my fault," Elsa released her hold on Anna and covered her face in her hands, unable to bear her shame any longer. "It was my fault, it was my fucking fault!"

It was done. Elsa had revealed the agonizing truth she had carried her whole life and all that was left was the final blow. The merciful coup de grâce that Anna would deliver which would release Elsa from her guilt. She had envisioned this scenario in her head an endless amount of times, and each time the result was always the same. It always ended with Anna completely and utterly rejecting Elsa, severing their ties forever once she knew how much harm Elsa had caused, how toxic Elsa was. Elsa had prepared herself for it, she even wanted it as she thought it would finally grant her peace. If Anna pushed her away, Elsa would have a reason to stay gone. They would both heal, and over time they would move on until they forgot about each other. As much as it would have pained Elsa to lose Anna, she knew it was what she deserved.

Elsa had shrunken down to a piteous ball of grief. "Just leave me, Anna," she could not meet her gaze for fear of what she might see there, so she spoke to the sand. "It's what I deserve. You would be so much better off without me," she said with the clarity of someone who had finally reached a deep understanding of themselves.

Finally, Anna knew what she had to do. It was so simple and so easy that she was surprised and angry at herself that she had never thought of it before. Elsa felt guilty for causing Anna's pain, and she craved punishment for it. Anna still adamantly believed it was not her fault and that it never was, but that didn't matter if Elsa had spent her whole life convinced of that fact. So the only thing Anna could do was forgive her. Forgive her with love. Forgive her with understanding. Forgive her even if she didn't think she deserved it and even if she didn't want it.

And so, without further thought or a moment's hesitation, Anna forgave Elsa.

"Elsa," Anna said slowly.

After a long pause, Elsa looked up slowly from her hands when her tears had dried. She braced herself for the coming blow. There would be no more running, no more hiding.

"I forgive you."

Elsa had shut her eyes, then flinched when Anna spoke. It took a moment to absorb, but the words she had heard were not the ones she was expecting.

"Elsa, look at me."

She opened her eyes, and saw Anna's face filled with tender love, compassion, and understanding. The sight of it scorched her soul and branded her heart, and Elsa would remember this moment until the end of her days.

"I forgive you," Anna repeated, earnestly.

"Wha- what?" Elsa stammered.

"I forgive you."

Elsa turned away, unable to accept the reality of what was happening in front of her. It couldn't be true, it simply existed so far outside the realm of possibility that she thought Anna was cruelly twisting a blade in her heart.

"No, Anna, don't do this to me. I- I can't-"

"I forgive you, Elsa."

Tears pooled in Elsa's eyes again and she furiously wiped them away.

"Elsa, look at me. Look," Anna gently turned Elsa's face towards her and cupped it between her hands. As they stared into each other's eyes, naked and vulnerable, she repeated those three words. "I forgive you."

Elsa tried to push her away, refusing to hear her. Anna only pulled Elsa back further in.

"Not you, Anna, please," Elsa whimpered as her unstoppable wave of tears began to pour down her face again.

"I forgive you, Elsa. For everything. All of it. I forgive you."

Just like that, Elsa was finished. Anna unraveled every last thread of grief, regret, loathing, fear, and guilt from Elsa's soul with three simple words. Three simple words that shattered the ice in her heart and filled it with Anna's undying love and devotion. The fog of doubt in her mind cleared as it settled on this new revelation.

Elsa wept for absolution, cried out for redemption, and sobbed for the purity of grace and mercy that Anna had granted to her. She crumpled under Anna's tender grasp, and melted into her embrace.

"Oh god, Anna, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Elsa shook as she allowed the pain to wash over her. "I'm so sorry, Anna!"

Through it all, Anna remained steadfast. As Elsa broke down, she held her up. She didn't release Elsa, nor slacken her grip even when she began to cry as well.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Anna!" Elsa repeated. "I'm so sorry!"

They stayed like that for a long time, sniffling and weeping until sleep overcame their senses.

Overhead, the stars continued to wheel about until one by one their lights were extinguished as the twilight blanket unfurled before the breaking day. The sisters slept peacefully as the rising sun chased the last shadows of the night westward across the desert.