Previously: Lily and Severus find the letter that Petunia wrote to Dumbledore. Remus Lupin is invited to attend Hogwarts. Following her meeting with Mulciber, Lily brings up her worries about being a Muggle-born, but Severus promises that he'll protect her and reaffirms their friendship.
Chapter 4: Broken Family
"Petunia, make sure you're ready to go tomorrow," said Lily's father, swallowing his last mouthful of lasagna.
It was the last night before Lily left for Hogwarts. Mrs. Evans had made lasagna, one of Lily's favorite dishes, for the last dinner she would have at her home in a very long time, and they were all seated at the dining table while Crackerjack munched on some yummies Mr. Evans had bought him in the kitchen.
"Why? My school doesn't start until next week," said Petunia as she mixed her Italian dressing around in her bowl of salad with her fork. Her bitterness had not lifted, but at least Petunia had seemed to grow tired of screaming her head off.
"We're dropping your sister off at the train station, and you are coming with us," said her father sternly.
Since Lily's parents had only heard a small bit of the fighting from the two sisters, they were under the impression that Petunia was only angry because Lily was not going to be around during the year, but Lily knew full well that was the only thing Petunia was happy about. Her parents had not heard her sister call her a freak or weirdo during those arguments the sisters would get into, but Petunia made sure Lily heard every hurtful thing she hissed.
"What!" yelped Petunia, jumping in her chair and sending her fork clattering across the floor, but she did not notice.
"You can't possibly expect me to – to …"
She trailed off in her astonishment, lost for words.
"Now, now, Petunia," said her mother, "We should all be there to say good-bye to Lily. You're not going to see her until Christmas, dear, and we're all going – oh, shoot! That reminds me. Richard, where did you place Lily's train ticket?"
Mr. Evans had been in the middle of chewing his lasagna, but he managed to swallow and say, "Rose, you were the one who put it in the basket near the front door. If you moved it, I don't know where it is."
Pretty soon her parents were bickering about who had Lily's train ticket last, and since Mr. Evans was determined to show his wife that he had not moved it from the basket, they had stood up, arguing all the way to the front entrance.
The moment their parents left, Petunia leaned over the table and hissed quietly, "Don't you dare come home for Christmas – that will be my present. Stay at that school with your stupid little cat because nobody wants you here."
Lily, who had been remembering the letter that Petunia had sent to Dumbledore while she played with her lasagna, jerked her chin up and scowled, all thoughts about the letter disappeared from Lily's mind quicker than a Vanishing Spell. While she knew that Petunia still cared deep down, her sister's relentless attitude and insults caused Lily's earlier forgiving mood to evaporate with barely a second thought, and she was quick with her retort.
"Good thing I wasn't planning on getting you any presents, then. You'll see me in a couple of months."
Petunia seethed, and her fists curled on top of the table.
"You'll be lucky to get any presents yourself," she jeered quietly. "Just you wait: nobody's going to like somebody who only hangs around with that Snape boy, even in that school you're flying off to."
Lily leaned forward, her eyes burning.
"Why can't you just give it a rest, Tuney? What did Sev and I ever do to you?"
Petunia threw her head back and laughed.
"What did you do? What did you do!" she shrieked. "You forgot that we're supposed to be a family, Lily! You just prance around with your wand, thinking you're above us lowly normal people. Well, let me tell you something, Lily: when you leave on that train tomorrow, you're leaving behind all of us. You don't belong here, Lily, and you never –"
"STOP IT!" screamed Lily, suddenly standing up and knocking her glass of milk over.
Her outburst had brought her parents running back into the little dining room and Crackerjack streaking towards the dining room in his owner's defense, but Lily paid their baffled looks no mind as she stared at Petunia, tears brimming in her eyes – tears she was determined to not let fall.
Petunia smirked and leaned back into her chair, her arms crossed across her body while Lily trembled. She had always prided herself on not crying easily, but that was when it was the school kids poking fun at her and Severus, the oddball of the town school. They were not family, but Lily had spent her entire life around Petunia, and Petunia alone knew what it took to make her lose control like that.
Without another word, Lily stormed up the stairs to her bedroom where she slammed the door behind her. All summer she had faced nothing but insults and suggestions to stay away. Though Lily longed to reunite with her sister, to regain even a sliver of the love the two sisters shared, there was nothing Lily could do that would get her sister back. She had not had a proper conversation with Petunia for over two years, ever since Severus had revealed the real reason behind the mysterious happenings that followed Lily anywhere she went. Every time they talked, it was either to argue or to exchange insults.
The tears that Lily had struggled to hold back finally slipped onto her cheeks, and she curled against her door, drawing her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on her arms. Maybe Petunia was right, maybe Lily did not belong here. This may have been her family and home, but she was also a witch. Crackerjack soon crept through the cat flap and snuggled under her arm in a consoling gesture, and Lily absentmindedly stroked his fur.
She looked over to where her trunk sat, only partially packed. Spell books were in a pile next to it with her wand lying next to the brand-new cauldron and her matching potions kit. Both Muggle clothes and Hogwarts robes lay haphazardly on her carpet, forming a pell-mell ball of outfits. The schoolbooks were packed in a tidy pile with several of her favorite Muggle stories next to them, including The Chronicles of Narnia and The Lord of the Rings – she would not have felt right going to Hogwarts without the books she had grown up with.
Her brooding thoughts were interrupted when someone knocked loudly on her door. Lily did not move, and then she felt somebody try to push open her door, but Lily refused to budge from her spot, so the person ceased their efforts.
"Lily?" she heard the person say. It was her mother, her warm voice quiet and cautious. "Lily, can I come in?"
After several more minutes of silence, Lily finally scooted aside with only a small amount of reluctance, and Mrs. Evans slowly opened the door and flipped the switch right next to the door. The soft golden glow of Lily's wall lamps flickered to life. Mrs. Evans spotted her youngest daughter and the part-kneazle curled up on the floor, so she leaned down to join Lily by sitting right next to her.
"Petunia's upset about something. Would you mind telling me what?" prodded Mrs. Evans gently, wrapping her arm around Lily to pull her into a comforting embrace.
Lily flushed. Petunia was upset? She was the one who did not want her here, not Lily. What gave her the right?
Lily quickly wiped her tears away with a sniffle and said in a choked voice, "Petunia just wants me to leave."
"She said she had been trying to get you to talk to her. What did you tell her?" asked Mrs. Evans.
"I didn't say anything! Tuney's the one who doesn't want to speak to me!"
She leaned away so she could face her mother properly before saying in a quieter voice, "All she does is tease me about not being normal. She thinks I'm a – a …"
Lily could not finish.
Her mother immediately pulled her youngest daughter into another consoling hug.
"I'm sure you two are just at a misunderstanding. You'll get over it eventually."
Lily laughed, but there was no humor in the situation, and she knew it.
"Tuney's jealous that she can't do magic."
She flinched, remembering her sister's letter to Professor Dumbledore. How different it would have been if Petunia was also a witch, she thought longingly. The divide between the two of them that Lily hated so much would never have been there to begin with; not only would she be starting Hogwarts with Severus, Petunia would have been there to, perhaps showing her around the castle so as not to get lost, guiding her through life as she had done before the discovery of Hogwarts and magic.
But Petunia was not a witch; she was just a bitter Muggle of a sister.
"Now she's taking it out on me and Severus," added Lily during the moment of silence. "I just wish things could go back to way they used to be. I miss her so much."
Lily desperately wanted her mother to say something, to give Lily one of those little speeches she had given when Lily was younger, when she was still scared of that monsters under her bed. Lily wanted her mother to say that everything was going to be alright, but her mother seemed lost for words, something that she had never known to happen to Rose Evans. Lily fought back tears and hugged her mother closer. Even a pat on the head would do.
"I'll help you pack. Goodness knows you would break your back with all those books."
She gave Lily a small smile. Just the sight of the familiar gesture filled Lily with warmth, replacing the hurt and anger. That was the smile Lily always saw when her mother tucked her into bed. That was the smile that greeted Lily when she came home from a school of classmates who bullied her and Severus mercilessly for thinking Hogwarts was real.
It was the smile that said "I love you."
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ 1971 ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
"Get back here, boy!" roared Tobias Snape from down the hallway and a spider that had been currently spinning a web jerked away from its spot and fell to the floor in surprise.
Rather than risk angering his father further, Severus instead hid in the small closet where all the dusty winter coats hung, his knees curled up against his chest in the small dark space, praying that Mr. Snape would not find him. He had already been irritable from the incessant drinking, but after tripping over the crystal Remembrall Lily's mother had given to each of them as a start-of-school gift she bought at Diagon Alley, Mr. Snape flew into one of those drunken rages that Severus always dreaded.
His footsteps shook the floor, and Severus held his breath, hoping that his father would not find him, but it was useless to hope. The door knob turned, and Severus's space was flooded with the harsh light from the grimy and cheap chandelier. Strong hands seized his clothes, and Severus felt a pain in his neck from sudden whiplash as the hands roughly wrenched him to his feet. He wanted to cry out from the crushing force on his arms where Mr. Snape gripped him, but years of experience had taught Severus that it would do no good.
"What did I tell you about leaving that magic junk out in plain view?" bellowed Mr. Snape fiercely. "Huh? What did I tell you!?"
Severus felt a sharp sting of his father's back-handed blow across his cheek.
"T-t-to not let it out of m-my c-c-closet," stammered Severus frightfully.
He hated that he was at the complete mercy of the Muggle who he called father, and though he despised himself for it, a tear leaked out of the black eyes he inherited from his father. He squirmed desperately to escape, but Mr. Snape's grip was too tight.
"Tobias, don't!" pleaded a woman. "He didn't mean it! He didn't mean it!"
Smaller hands held his shoulder, and Severus felt Mr. Snape's grasp slacken just enough for him to wiggle out. He fell onto the floor and scuttled back into the corner, watching fearfully as his mother, once a proud, pure-blooded Prince, cowered before his father's anger.
"Don't you try to defend him, woman!" shouted Mr. Snape at his wife, bearing down on her with his hooked nose just inches away from Eileen Snape's tearful face.
He grabbed her arm, and Severus knew from how she winced that it hurt, but Mrs. Snape did not move.
"What are you good for, you little witch? You're both useless, the pair of you. Can't even do some hocus-pocus to make my life more comfortable, you good-for-nothing, stupid slag!" he spat before turning his heel and storming back to his place in front of the television, snatching up another six-pack from the dirty wood table.
Mrs. Snape sobbed once more before turning to her son. Rather than the comfort Severus always yearned for her to show, there was nothing but bitter resignation on her face as she said tightly, "Get your things, Severus. You don't want to miss your train tomorrow morning."
So this is a shorter chapter than others. I usually write pretty long chapters, and then when I'm editing them, I break them up if they need to be based on if each section fits together. If they don't then they'll just be broken up into smaller chapters. That's why some chapters (like one of the last ones at the end of second year) will be pretty long while others might be shorter. (I generally try to keep each chapter at least 2,000 words long. The only way a chapter will be shorter than that is if I can't think of any way possible to get the sections to agree with each other.)
