So.
I don't know how the hell I managed it (access to too much sugar is my guess), but I managed to get a third chapter up in less than a week. I'm quite manic, and it's...erm...kind of smutty. I really hope it isn't all the hell over the place. Please do let me know if it's a disaster. I'm sure I'll be returning to it in the next day or so to sort it out after a little sleep.
Swears ahoy.
ssg.x.
CHAPTER 23
WORDS THAT START WITH "F" AND "C"
"I don't know if I have a favourite book. That one you have in your hands - The Devil's Elixirs – I like that one, and there are a few short stories I've enjoyed. I mostly read plays. I like the odd poetry collection. What about you?"
"I've read folktales and books about mythology growing up more than anything else. Believe it or not, I've only ever been in here a handful of times in my life. My parents usually picked out my books for me."
Hans and Elsa lay on their stomachs in the snow, flipping through various books that had fallen off the shelves during their snowball fight that evening. Hans was skimming the pages of a book about birds while she examined the cover of The Devil's Elixirs by a Prussian gentleman named E.T.A. Hoffmann.
Elsa wondered if this was what courting couples did. Was it socially unacceptable to lie side-by-side the way they were just then? How close would they have been allowed to sit on a chaise or bench together? Would they have been permitted to hold hands? Kristoff and Anna held hands almost all the time, in public and in the privacy of the palace. Were queens allowed to do the same thing or were they assigned a different set of rules when it came to being courted by suitors?
Not that Hans was a suitor or anything. Definitely not. Now that would be socially unacceptable.
She glanced across at him. Beneath the rose window, he was his most perfect and honest self - a spectrum of blues, from light to dark, cast across his handsome face by the light of the moon that poured into the library. He had taken off his jacket so Elsa could lie on it. She smiled to herself, enjoying its scent and the feel of it beneath her. She squirmed a little against the jacket, squeezing her legs together as tightly as she could when a small frisson of heat moved through them.
The feeling of being close to Hans without touching him, anticipating what could happen if they moved just a little closer to each other...well, no one would have approved of her thoughts just then.
She absently opened the book in front of her. Hans reached across and snatched it out of her hand, holding it up in the air and out of her reach.
"What are you doing?" she laughed.
Hans wagged a finger at her. "This is inappropriate reading material for a lady of your age and sensibilities, Your Grace."
"You just told me you liked that book."
"Yes, I did. But I'm much older than you are. And far worldlier."
"You can't be more than two years older than me," Elsa said flatly.
"That's still two whole years. That's a huge age difference! You know, you can learn an awful lot in two years," Hans said, still holding the book aloft while pretending to study the cuticles on his other hand.
"You can learn a lot in two weeks," Elsa smiled. "Or two days."
Hans leaned in until they were touching noses. "Or two hours," he murmured.
"Yes," Elsa whispered. "Two hours."
She made a grab for the book. He quickly rolled away from her and got to his feet, laughing at her failed attempt to throw him for a loop.
"Whoops! Looks like you haven't learned as much as you thought!" he said. Elsa stood and reached for him. He dodged her again.
"Hans!" she laughed. "Come on! You can't tell me it's inappropriate and then not let me see it! What's so inappropriate?"
Hans' eyes widened melodramatically. "Are you kidding? It's called The Devil's Elixirs! This book is filled with all sorts of sordidness! Murder -"
Elsa took a few threatening steps towards him.
"- political intrigue, corrupt religious figures -" he continued, undaunted. Elsa tried to grab a fistful of his shirtsleeve but he managed to side-step her.
"Hans, come on!" she pleaded.
"- satanic possession, and –"
Elsa lowered her head and dashed forward like a battering ram. This time Hans wasn't fast enough to evade the attack. She crashed into him, knocking the wind right out of him as the two of them struck the nearest bookshelf.
"—intense sensual desires," he choked out before doubling over to catch his breath. Elsa snatched the book from him.
"It sounds fantastic," she said, dropping it at their feet. She yanked Hans up by his shoulder and pushed him into the bookshelf with both hands. She pulled his head down to hers, kissing him almost cruelly. He groaned into her mouth, grabbing her braided hair and wrapping it once over his knuckles before tugging it hard. She gasped, awarding him the opportunity to force his tongue into her mouth.
He lifted one knee between both of hers to raise the hems of her skirts high enough that he could reach down and grab them. He gathered them up around her hips and she found herself taking the folds of fabric from him so that she could free up one of his hands. He started to nip along her jaw, bite and suck at the length of her neck. She held him to her, probably tighter than she should have, and wound her fingers in his hair. Her mind was almost entirely preoccupied with wondering what he was going to do with the hand she'd returned to him.
He wrapped an arm around her, running his fingers roughly down her bodice in search of any buttons, ribbons or other fasteners he could undo. He managed to pluck open three or four with just the one hand – enough to loosen it so that Elsa could pull the dress off over her head if she wanted to. She hesitated to do so, though.
She still couldn't know with one hundred percent certainty that she wasn't pregnant. If she wasn't, she didn't want to tempt fate, no matter how much she wanted to be with him.
He rolled his hips forward, and the movement lifted her heels off the ground. Elsa squeezed her eyes closed and swallowed the lump in her throat, wrapping one of her legs around the back of his knee to keep her balance. He hoisted her up in his arms and swung her around, switching places with her. Her back slammed against the bookshelf and she cried out in surprise, sending a surge into his body that emanated back at her through the scar on his chest. He moaned thickly in her ear and, using the arm around her waist to cushion her spine, began to thrust against her.
"Take off your dress," he breathed against her lips. "I'll help you."
That's when Elsa felt his icy fingers begin to follow the middle seam of her silk drawers. She knew she had to stop what was happening before there was no going back. Once she'd feel his bare skin pressed against hers, she'd be lost to herself.
"Hans, we need to stop," she finally gasped, wriggling out from between the bookshelf and his rather unyielding body. She ran her hands down the front of her dress, focusing on smoothing out the wrinkles to avoid looking at his face. Hans leaned his forehead against the bookshelf and looked sideways at her, a small smile tugging at his lips.
"You're scared," he said.
"I'm not scared. It's just…we should be cautious."
Hans nodded. "Yes. Absolutely. Let's be cautious."
He straightened his trousers and waistcoat then picked up his jacket from the snowy floor and pulled it on. He bent over and scooped up the book they'd been fighting over.
"Come on," he said, turning his head and smiling at Elsa. "We'll sit down and enjoy each other's company in a…less adult way."
Elsa laughed. She followed him to one of two wingback armchairs beneath the rose window. He sat down and held out his hand for her.
"Sit with me," he said. Elsa eyed him suspiciously and he chuckled. "Oh, come now. I promise not to do anything lascivious."
She approached him and sat across his lap, nestling against his chest as he brought his arms around her. He opened the book and flipped through a few pages. Elsa placed a hand over his to stop him.
"Didn't you say this book was inappropriate reading material for a young woman such as myself?" she asked drolly.
"It's not all murder, sin and other dark desires," he said innocently. "This isn't A Ramble in St. James' Park."
"What's that about?"
"Your sweet little head would explode."
Elsa rolled her eyes. Hans started to read:
As soon as I had set eyes on this girl, it seemed as if a gleam of light from heaven flashed around me, and penetrated to my very heart, kindling up mysterious and long-lost emotions – the most ardent longings – the raptures of the most fervent love. All indeed that I had formerly felt seemed only like obscure and shadowy indications of that which now stepped forth at once into my reality and life. Nay, life itself dawned for the first time, glittering, variegated, and splendid before me, and all that I had known before lay cold and dead, as if under the desolate shadows of night.
"There's nothing sordid about that," Elsa whispered.
"No," Hans agreed softly, gently kissing the top of her head. "There's nothing sordid about that, is there?"
Silence stretched comfortably between them, but it was touched by sadness. He set the book aside and she sank deeper into his arms as he tightened them around her.
"I'll turn myself in," he said, the sound of his voice startling her a little, deep and rumbling in his chest against her ear.
"What do you mean?"
"I'll turn myself in. If I turn myself in, you'll have good reason in the eyes of your people to show me mercy and withdraw the death sentence."
Elsa placed her hand over his heart. "You'd still end up in prison for the rest of your life."
"You'd pay me the occasional visit, wouldn't you?" he asked.
"Please, Hans. Please consider leaving. The idea of you locked up –"
"We're at an impasse, Your Grace. You told me you can't live with me dead or locked up, and I'm telling you I can't live a life away from you, free or otherwise. We have to make a compromise, and I dare say I think this is the best we'll be able to do."
"Hans, no…"
"Tell me you'll come see me," he whispered. "You can say whatever mean thing you'd like. That'll be fun, won't it? I do love when we argue," he said, trying to lighten the mood.
Elsa felt the beginnings of tears forming in her eyes. "That's not funny."
"It's not meant to be funny. I really do love when we argue. Your right eyebrow arches and your eyes light up like two blue flames. Your cheeks get red, and then, if I'm lucky, you sink your teeth into that perfect bottom lip of yours to keep yourself from prematurely interrupting whatever arrogant, asinine thing I'm saying at the time. Your breathing quickens, your chest rises and falls, and you clench your fists like you're about to clock me across the mouth."
"And you find all that attractive, do you?" Elsa chuckled, tracing the line of his jaw with one long finger.
"If you could freeze time the way you can freeze everything else, then that would be the time to do it. I couldn't possibly love you more than I do when you're putting me in my place."
Elsa turned in his lap, straddling his thighs so she could look him in the eye. "What ever will I do without you?"
"You'll be one hell of a queen," he said. "That's what."
She kissed him fervidly and he kissed her back with equal enthusiasm, his hands immediately going for her hips while she buried her fingers in his hair. In almost no time at all, they were back to where they were before – trying to get as close to each other as they could, to touch as much of the other's body as they were able to touch without growing claws and shredding their clothes to ribbons. She felt him growing harder between her legs, but instead of panicking this time, she rocked against his erection slowly and deliberately.
"Tell me you want me inside you," he begged.
"We can't, Hans. We already deci—"
"We won't," he said raggedly. "We're just talking, okay?"
Elsa gasped as he moved one hand from her hip to her breast. He very quickly found her nipple and ran his thumb over it, feeling it harden through the heavy cotton fabric of her bodice.
"Just talking?" she sighed, her head falling back, her eyes falling closed.
"Just talking. Tell me you want me inside you."
"I want you inside me," she breathed. He raised his hips and started to move between her thighs more forcefully, his fingers continuing to knead her breast and toy with her nipple. He moaned for her to say it again. She traced the helix of his ear with her tongue, and he shivered.
"You're trying to trick me," she said. "You think if I say it enough times I'll change my mind."
A coarse chuckle escaped his lips. "No. We're just talking, remember? I haven't even tried to take off your dress…"
Elsa kissed him. "No," she murmured against his lips. "You haven't."
"I haven't tried to lift up your skirts, have I?"
His fingers ghosted along the sweetheart neckline of her dress. "Or pull this down so I can lift your breasts to my mouth and use my tongue to –"
"Hans," she half-sighed, half-groaned. "Stop it. Please."
"I'm just talking," Hans asserted, grinning wickedly before relenting with a shrug of his shoulders. "Very well, then. It's your turn."
Elsa pulled back for a moment, tilting her head to one side and arching her eyebrow. "How about I say something like 'you're a sneaky bastard who can't keep his promises, and you should be ashamed of yourself'?"
"You did that on purpose," he growled thickly in her ear, bucking against her. Elsa cried out, but the freeze's cry was louder. She enveloped his face with her hands, seizing his lips and bearing down on him with great urgency. It seemed that the freeze had decided to side with her body against her mind.
Thankfully, Hans seemed to be siding with Elsa. He stuck to "just talking".
The jerk.
"Tell me you want me to fuck you," he murmured between kisses.
Elsa blinked, momentarily stiffening in his arms. "I don't know what that means."
Hans smiled, laying his forehead against hers. His breathing was ragged, and every time he made a move to speak or to breathe, Elsa's tongue dipped into his mouth for another taste of it. But now her curiosity was getting the better of her, and she paused to listen intently to whatever it was he was going to say next.
"That's because 'fuck' is a very, very…" he kissed the underside of her jaw, nuzzled her earlobe, "…very, very…" Elsa sighed and ran her hand down the rigid plane of his abdomen, feeling the freeze pooling in so many new and interesting places. "…very bad word," he finished.
"Really? How do you know that word?"
"I'm the bad guy," he said, a sultry little smile on his handsome face. They continued to roll their hips against one another, and eventually all the movement caused the fabric of Elsa's drawers to shift so that he was rubbing against her bare skin. This new friction was both painful and pleasing, and so mentally distracting that she almost forgot to breathe.
"Tell me what it means," she whispered. "And maybe I'll say it."
Hans exhaled slowly and leaned back in the chair to give Elsa better access to the stomach muscles she seemed so fascinated with.
"Well," he began, playfully slapping Elsa's hands away when her fascination moved her to brazenly pull at his shirt to get her hands under it - they were just supposed to be talking, after all. "Do you remember when we were on that bed, locked up in that room?"
"Vaguely," she said.
"Remember how we tore your dress trying to get it off of you? I wanted to unlace your corset, but you climbed into my lap and…"
"Because you were teasing my breasts," she breathed.
"I remember," Hans said throatily, untying the ribbon that was keeping her French braid together. He drew it from her hair and tucked it into the breast pocket of his jacket.
"I think you've forgotten what we were talking about. You're supposed to tell me what that word means."
"Fuck?" he asked. Elsa wasn't entirely sure what it meant, but the way his eyes darkened when he said the word was starting to give her an inkling. Not knowing its exact meaning certainly wasn't hindering her enjoyment of hearing it on Hans' lips. He leaned into the shell of her ear. "When I pushed into you with my cock…" he whispered, his fingers drifting lazily up and down the length of her torso. "…then pulled out…then pushed inside you again…"
Elsa closed her eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat. She felt the freeze pulsating at the apex of her thighs, could taste it on her tongue. She started to ride him a little harder, so close to begging him to take the damn dress off already.
"…over and over…and over again" Hans continued breathlessly, hips rising to meet hers while simultaneously tightening his hold on her so he could grind his erection against her again and again.
"That's what fucking is," he rasped. Elsa's breathing hitched.
"Now, Your Grace…is there anything you'd like to say to me?"
"I want you to fuck me," Elsa gasped, arching her back.
"Oh, God…" Hans groaned, curling his fingers around the back of her neck to tip her head forward, forcing her to look into his eyes. "Say it again…"
She did. She said it over and over again until the words were no longer words – just a series of murmurs and moans between the seemingly endless meeting of his lips and hers. They writhed mindlessly against one another. She felt her entire body begin to tense just as it had the last time they were together, just before -
She wondered what made it different this time, what made it better. Was it because she knew he loved her, or because he knew she loved him? Was it because she felt like he'd finally let her in – that his ugly past was out in the open now? Or was it because it would be their last time together?
They were just talking. Well…not just talking, but…
Elsa had never been one to underestimate the power of words, but – wow. Wow. She wasn't at all prepared for that. Hans slumped back in the chair and Elsa flopped down on top of him. She rested her head against his heaving chest and drew her arms around his waist.
"Was that…I mean are you alright?" he asked.
"Yes," she whispered. "Just tired from talking."
"Ah, I see." Hans kissed the top of her head. "I talk too much, then?"
"You talked my head off," she said cheekily. "I could barely get a word in edgewise."
"Oh, I don't know about that," he said. "I seem to remember you managing to get one or two choice words for me in there."
Elsa waved her hand limply, aiming the freeze at the large rose window to dim the moonlight by frosting the glass. She knocked her foot against one of the legs of the armchair, kicking up a wind that snuffed out whatever candles in the room were still lit.
"Elsa?"
"Hm?"
"All that stuff about my family…I don't think I kept it from you to protect you from my parents. I think I may have kept it from you because I was protecting myself," he said. "I was protecting myself from you."
Elsa cocked her head to one side and arched an eyebrow at him. "You were afraid I'd churn you into ice cream?" she suggested wryly.
Hans shook his head, tracing her lips with his fingertips. "No," he said. "I was trying to keep you out…but you got into my head. Once you were in there…I thought it would only be a matter of time before you wanted out. It's such a mess in there."
Elsa smiled warmly at him. He was exhausted and fast falling asleep before her very eyes.
"I'm not making any sense," he murmured. He closed his eyes, opened them again slowly. "I let my guard down for only a second here, a heartbeat there, and you managed to get in…into my heart," he slurred.
In short time, he was snoring lightly and Elsa found herself glancing down at his long eyelashes, the freckles across his nose and cheeks, and his kiss-swollen lips, pocketing every detail and hoping beyond hope that they would stay with her once they went their separate ways.
Turning on her side, she curled up in his lap and closed her eyes. She would let him sleep for a while, and then she'd have to call the guards. She'd left Anna and Kai worrying long enough.
She remembered how there was a time when talking with Hans always made her a little anxious. She was never sure where their conversations would take them. But the anxiousness eventually gave way to anticipation, and it was like a drug. She loved their banter, the unpredictability of it, and the full spectrum of emotions it always had the potential to bring out of her.
Pandora's Box had been opened. How could she ever be expected to close it again?
