It wasn't right.

He was drunk, incredibly so, and had absolutely no control over his thoughts, words, or actions. But the way he'd said it, the way he'd said everything hit Tetsuhiro far too close to home. "I want to feel right"—didn't we all? Wasn't it an innate human desire to feel safe, supported, and satisfied with one's life? To feel like they belonged, to feel like they were loved? Was that truly so much to ask for?

He was hurting, oppressed for so long by societal expectation and drowning so deeply in a pool of self-hatred and confusion. Tetsuhiro knew that feeling better than anyone. He knew how heavy that weight felt, how dark that pool was, how helpless and frightened and small you felt when you're suffering inside and feel like no one can help you. He didn't want anyone to feel that way, least of all the one he loved so dearly.

His body had only grown hotter since they'd shared that first kiss, and with each passing second Tetsuhiro could feel himself do the same. He was even more beautiful than he'd originally thought, his skin like milky porcelain and his whimpers like a tiny kitten. Painful as it had been to part, Tetsuhiro had long since left his mouth, traveling instead to his thin, swanlike neck and exploring all it had to offer. It offered quite a bit, in truth, as he'd discovered three different sensitive spots that elicited three different types of reactions from his beloved, each one more sweetly erotic than the last. He did his best to avoid leaving any marks—who knew how Souichi would react in the morning?—but a small, long-locked part of him was crying out for him to sink his teeth deep into that milky skin and stake his claim for everyone to see.

As his lips and tongue traveled about Souichi's throat, his hand traveled about the rest of his torso. Just as Tetsuhiro had anticipated, his body was toned and limber, almost like that of a dancer's, and he caressed and kneaded with the utmost reverence. Of particular interest were his nipples, so pink and pointed, and when he'd experienced all the neck had to offer, Tetsuhiro moved his mouth there.

The moans came louder now, Souichi's head craning back to release them more fully, his back arching a bit off the mattress as Tetsuhiro sent shockwave after shockwave of sensation through his body. He fidgeted about even more, his breaths coming in deep, uneven pants as they mixed with his soft, desperate cries.

Slowly, Tetsuhiro licked a trail up from his nipple to his chin, and after pressing a kiss to his jaw, he murmured into his ear in the tenderest voice he could muster, "How does it feel, hmm?"

"It's...hot...so...hot…"

"I'm glad you're enjoying it," he whispered, kissing Souichi's ear. "I've wanted this for a long time, you know." He licked up the rim, and Souichi groaned once more.

Tetsuhiro pulled away and straddled Souichi's hips, realizing only then just how small he was in that moment. He was completely engulfed in pleasure, his mind practically swimming in desire and lust—and his member practically bursting out of his pants. Not that Tetsuhiro had any room to talk—he felt like he could come just looking at him. But that wouldn't be fun for anyone, now, would it?

So instead he removed his shirt and tossed it aside, then did Souichi a tremendous favor by undressing his lower half. His member sprung up at full attention, and Tetsuhiro couldn't resist moaning at how erotic he looked. He felt himself pulse, but he paused before he could free himself. This was his first time with a man, and on top of that he was heavily intoxicated.

"Senpai," he panted. "Are you all right?"

Souichi opened his eyes just a little, taking a few breaths before replying, "Why...do you ask…?"

"I...I'd like to go the whole way, but only if you let me."

His head swayed about a bit, and though his lips moved, words didn't come out for the first few seconds. "I'm...fine...just hot...that's all…"

"Could you sit up a bit, then? I need to prepare you properly."

It took him a minute, but Souichi managed to sit up just enough that his entrance was easier to access. Tetsuhiro retrieved a bottle of lubricant from beneath his bed and squirted a bit onto his fingers. It had been a while, longer than he'd have liked, and he needed to make sure he did this right. With his clean hand he parted Souichi's legs just a bit, and with a deep breath, he entered the first finger.

Souichi drew in a sharp gasp and immediately clenched, making Tetsuhiro grimace. "Ow...fuck, that hurts…"

"I know it does," Tetsuhiro whispered. "But it'll hurt even more if I don't do this step. Please, just try to relax. I promise it'll be worth it in the end."

At least, he hoped it would. He hadn't bottomed in a long time, and from what he remembered, it wasn't the most pleasant of experiences. He was a top for a reason, after all. Hopefully he wouldn't cause Souichi too much pain.

He released deep, forced breaths as Tetsuhiro probed about within him, massaging his walls in an attempt to loosen him up. Rather than creamy mewls, he released groans of discomfort, and though they pained Tetsuhiro to hear, he kept on searching. It had to be around here somewhere…

"Ah!" Souichi cried, drawing in a sharp gasp and clenching once more. Tetsuhiro paused before pressing the spot again and eliciting yet another moan. He lingered on that area for a bit, using it as a distraction while he slipped in another finger. Whether intentionally or not, he did not know, but Souichi's hips bucked gently in tune with his movements, and Tetsuhiro could feel himself pulsing even harder now.

"Are you still okay?" he asked.

"It's…so intense…!" Souichi cried, throwing his head back against the pillow.

He'd take that as a "yes," then. Removing his fingers from Souichi's rectum, Tetsuhiro finally gave himself the relief he'd been craving and undid his pants. He coated his member in a thick layer of lubricant, then positioned himself so his tip lay just outside Souichi's entrance.

"This is gonna feel strange at first," he said. "Just remember to stay relaxed, okay?"

Panting heavily, Souichi tilted his head up just enough for their eyes to lock, and sheepishly he nodded. Tetsuhiro took a deep breath in, prayed to every deity he could think of for strength, and as he exhaled, he made his way inside.

Souichi let out another pained cry, slamming his fist hard into the mattress at his side. His face was fixed in a tight grimace, his teeth grit so hard together they looked like they could shatter and his eyes pinched so tight it seemed like his skin would tear. Tetsuhiro put on a grimace of his own as he went deeper, keeping his pace as slow as possible, and when he'd entered completely, he leaned down and pressed a brief kiss to Souichi's lips.

"It hurts," he whispered, his voice so small and frail. "It hurts so much…!"

"It's okay, just relax," Tetsuhiro murmured, stroking his hair. "I won't move yet. Just tell me when you're ready."

He looked like he was on the verge of tears, his fists tangled tightly in the bedsheets, and the groans and wheezes he emitted weren't dissimilar to those of a tortured animal. Tetsuhiro felt absolutely terrible, but he needed to be strong. Otherwise Souichi would just panic more.

"I'm not gonna hurt you," he said, kissing Souichi once more. "I will never hurt you, okay? I know it's uncomfortable, but just...try to bear with it, please? I promise, it'll be worth it in the end."

"You...you promise…?" Souichi asked with shaky breaths. "That...that it'll feel right…?"

His heart ached even more than his member did. "Yes, I do. I want to help you in any way that I can." He kissed his forehead. "I love you."

If possible, Souichi's face reddened even further, and he looked away. "I'm...good...you can...move now…"

Truthfully, he still looked to be in a great deal of discomfort, but Tetsuhiro supposed that was normal when you had another man filling your rectum for the first time. So he took his word on surface value and began thrusting in and out of him.

Even at a slow, moderate pace, the sensations were overwhelming. He hadn't had sex in a while, but this was something different entirely. With every movement he made, the warmth coursing through his body grew more and more intense, and coupled with Souichi's long, erotic wails, he was sure he'd lose himself completely. Gradually, without realizing, he quickened his pace, not so much to cause any severe pain but definitely hard enough that Souichi would feel it the next morning. This was it. The feeling that he'd been craving for so long. To be one with the person he loved more than anything in the entire world. His heart was so full…

Unable to hold it in any longer, Tetsuhiro let his own moans join in with Souichi's, seemingly growing progressively louder with every thrust. At this moment in time, nothing else mattered. Just the two of them, their bodies synced together in a perfect harmony, creating music rife with pleasure and joy.

He truly prayed from the bottom of his heart that morning would never come.