But morning did come, and it brought such a monumental dread that Tetsuhiro felt like vomiting. He'd fantasized about this morning for so long, had such a clear scenario in his head where they'd wake up in each other's arms and laugh and kiss and whisper sweet nothings into each other's ears, but he knew there was no chance of that today. Not under these circumstances.

Souichi had literally asked for it and had been compliant through the whole thing, but what they'd done—no, what Tetsuhiro had done was still wrong. He may not have been forceful, but he'd still taken advantage of someone when they were heavily intoxicated. He knew better than that. Throughout his years of partying, he'd seen firsthand just how traumatic it could be, and that was for people who were comfortable with their sexuality. With Souichi, however...there was no telling how he'd react. Well, that wasn't true—Tetsuhiro was absolutely sure how he'd react, he just wasn't sure what means of murder he'd use, and even if he did survive being attacked…

Grumbles bubbled up from beneath the sheets, and Tetsuhiro braced himself as he heard Souichi lift himself off the pillow. He looked terrible, his eyes bleary and his hair tangled, and his face was twisted in a grimace. He was undoubtedly hungover, and based on how tensely he was moving, his lower half was causing him problems too. The only silver lining was that he hadn't torn anything.

With a poorly-controlled hand, Souichi searched around the shelf for his glasses, which Tetsuhiro handed to him directly with held breath. Souichi murmured something in response and put them on. His gaze remained locked on Tetsuhiro for a time, his lips slightly parted, his expression somewhere between confusion and disbelief.

"Senpai...I...um…"

"You...you...bastard!"

Not a moment later, Tetsuhiro found himself on the floor, pain blossoming across his cheek from where Souichi had stricken him. Before he could even think to get up, Souichi had pounced atop him, his eyes burning with the purest rage Tetsuhiro had ever seen.

"You got some nerve assaulting me of all people," Souichi hissed. "I knew I should've thrown your ass out the minute I found out you were a fag—none of you animals can be trusted."

"Senpai, please, just—"

"Just nothing!" He bashed Tetsuhiro's head against the floor, sending fresh pain blooming from the back of his skull. "I'm gonna fucking murder you and all the other disgusting cocksuckers on this planet!"

Tetsuhiro hissed as he pounded his head once more, but before he could do it a third time, he managed to grab Souichi's hands and shove him back long enough to put some distance between them. The separation was short-lived, however, as Souichi grabbed his leg and yanked him to the floor again. They ended up entangled in each other's arms, Souichi furiously trying to claw Tetsuhiro's eyes out and Tetsuhiro desperately attempting to restrain him. In the end, Tetsuhiro managed to use his size to his advantage, and he pinned Souichi to the floor with the tightest grip he could muster.

"Let me go, you bastard!" Souichi roared. "I'll kill you!"

"You're not disgusting!" Tetsuhiro shouted. "You're confused and scared, but you're not disgusting, and you never have been, and you never will be!"

That was enough to give Souichi pause, if only for a moment, but his ire didn't calm any. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Tetsuhiro swallowed, then said, "You...told me everything last night. Or, at least, some things. And I'm telling you that it's not something to be ashamed of. Being gay, I mean."

His eyes widened in a combination of shock and terror, but his voice was just as ferocious as before. "I'm gonna rip out your fucking intestines—how fucking dare you lump me in with your kind?!"

"I didn't—you did! You told me that you were jealous of how Tomoe was able to accept himself and live happily while you were struggling. Then you asked me what it was like to have sex with a man, and after I told you, you—"

"You shut your whore mouth!" He spat in Tetsuhiro's face, which distracted him enough to allow Souichi to free himself and shove Tetsuhiro back. Surprisingly, he remained where he was after sitting up. "I would never say something like that—ever! You're just trying to manipulate me into believing your horseshit, and I'm not gonna fall for it!"

"I'm not manipulating anything! I'm just repeating what happened!"

"You're repeating lies," he growled. He'd been shaking with anger before, and while that shaking hadn't ceased, it had changed somehow, and his voice was quieter now. "I...I trusted you not to do anything. I was even starting to believe that maybe you were different somehow and that we could actually be friends. But I was wrong. I was wrong, and as a result you've hurt me in the worst way possible, and you're really gonna sit here and say that I asked for it? That I asked for you to attack me? That I asked for you to violate me?! Do you really expect me to believe that, huh—do you?!"

Tetsuhiro's head had fallen, and his throat had gone completely dry. He knew it had been a bad idea, and yet he still went through with it because of his own selfish desires. And now their relationship was ruined forever, and that little bit of healing his heart had done had been destroyed.

"No," he whispered, not lifting his eyes. "I don't. I'm...I'm sorry. I know it doesn't mean anything, but...I truly regret what I did to you, and…" He let out a long, shaky sigh, then stood. "Don't worry about going into school today—I can handle things on my own." He retrieved the shirt he'd worn the night prior and slipped it on, then grabbed a jacket. "Just...please be gone by the time I get back, okay? Last night was rough, so...you'll need some time to rest, I'm sure." He paused, fingering the sleeve of his jacket. There were so many things he wanted to say, so much he wanted to express—but he knew none of that mattered. Not anymore, anyway. "Goodbye, Senpai. I'm sorry."

With a heavy heart, he exited the apartment; the tears had begun falling before he'd even closed the door.


Hi, how is everyone? Y'all doing all right? I hope so. Everything's a mess right now.

Along with writing this, I'm also in the process of revising Hellacious to make it a proper book, like I said before, and I've been posting it to a place called Royal Road to try to get feedback. I haven't had much attention on it, but I got my first comment today, and it said that the story would be an interesting read if the main character wasn't gay and it wasn't "gay erotica." I've actually been working to tone the overtly sexual themes from the original (ie, no sex scenes) but it's hard when the main character's an incubus (male sex demon) and the main focus of Part One is developing his relationship with another male demon.

So that had me kind of upset, and what better thing to do when you're upset than to post a chapter on a place where you've been getting positive feedback? It feels kind of pretentious, considering how early this story is and how relatively few views and whatnot it has in the grand scheme of things, but still, knowing that at least someone out there is enjoying it makes me happy, especially considering that I have a handful of "fans" that have been supporting me since the beginning. Like a lot of creatives, I live in a constant state of dissatisfaction with my work, always thinking that it can be better or won't be seen as good, but even if there's not a lot of you that read my works, it really is touching to get feedback, especially when it's so positive. So thank you, I guess, and I'll see you in the next chapter.

~Anton