Disclaimer: Zootopia and all related characters are owned by Disney. All other characters, product names, trademarks, and copyrights, belong to their respective owners.
A/N: For those of you that follow my longfic, you may recognize a few characters and setups I left dangling from that AU. For those that don't follow the Long Game, Toni Greytail is a silver fox vixen and Judy's bestie in the city. Also, no promises that this one-shot is canon to my longfic, like the girls, I just wanted to have fun.
…..
…..
Guiding Judy's paw off his chest and up to his lips, Nick kissed her fingers and said, "I know. It's not the way I wanted us to be spending Valentine's Day either. Me undercover and you riding herd on a bunch of the roughest roughneck mammals this side of Tundra Town."
Pulling Judy in for a hug, Nick whispered, "You know, you can call Patrick back and tell him no, I'm sure he can find someone else."
Judy huffed, "Tonight? No, I'm it. Besides, I don't' feel like hanging around watching the Howlmark channel and eating bonbons while you're out having fun bringing down a gang of thugs who like rousting small businesses for protection money."
"You know, I tried to talk Bogo into letting you ride backup with Wolfard and Fangmeyer," and then lifting one of Judy's droopy ears up, he added, "I even told him that with the range these things have, I wouldn't need to wear a wire."
"Hardy har har," groused Judy, "You'd think he'd let me off parking duty for one day so I could help you out but, noooo. Cause one tiny, itty-bitty, little scurry and wham, he punishes the bunny."
"Ahhh… Carrots, it was a pretty big scurry. You almost knocked over a building. And the screams…"
Judy dropped her head into Nick's chest and grumbled, "Not my fault, it was a really, really big spider."
Nick rubbed his bunny's back and whispered, "Of course it was, and that mouse kit was very sorry it got out of its cage."
"Why'd it have to be a spider. I hate spiders," came a muffled reply.
"I know. Now here are the car keys. You go make your wretched hive of scum and villainy a better place, and I'll call you from the precinct when we're done."
-/-/-
"Can you hear me now?"
"Yes, we can still hear you," replied Fangmeyer digging her claws into the armrest of the unmarked car she and her partner were sitting in.
Wolfard lowered his binoculars and snickered. Well, he got a half of a snicker out, and then hearing a growl come from his tiger partner, decided keeping a close eye on Wilde was a better choice.
"Can you hear me now?"
"I'm going to kill him. Right now. Call it in, tell Bogo there was an accident. I'll even do the paperwork," said Fangmeyer reaching for the door handle.
Putting a paw on his partner's arm, Wolfard said, "Nadine…"
"Come on, he needs to die. Not even IA will raise a stink when they find out it's Wilde."
Ralph raised a brow.
Nadine glared at her wolf for a few long seconds and then sagged, "Fine." Tossing the mic over to him, she grunted, "Your turn then."
Catching the mic, Ralph held it to his muzzle and said, "Wilde, we can still hear you fine, but Fangmeyer's got her phone out, and if you don't stop, she's going to call Hopps."
*grumble*
Wolfard smirked as he passed the mic back.
"I hate you."
Putting a paw up to Nadine's cheek, Ralph replied, "No, you don't."
Nadine smiled at the gentle touch, "No, I don't. But how in the world Judy puts up with that fox, I'll never know."
"Yeah, some mysteries, mortal mammals were never meant to know."
"Guys, I've got a problem," interrupted said fox's voice.
Grabbing his binoculars, Wolfard focused on the building entrance where the gang was meeting to plan their next shakedown.
"Uh oh," groaned Wolfard.
"What's wrong?" asked Fangmeyer.
Nick ducked behind a tree before the door guard, wanding some jackal, saw him walking up. "They're scanning for wires. I'm going to have to dump mine if I want in."
"No! Abort. Wilde, get your tail out of there, and we'll try again later."
"There is no later. If I don't show up, they'll know I was a plant and disappear into the woodwork. It could take months for someone else to get this close. We have to go tonight."
"Wilde–"
Nick reached into his shirt and ripped the mic off his fur, and then, along with his earpiece, tossed everything into the bushes.
Reaching the door, Nick looked the thug slash bouncer over and whispered conspiratorially, "I am looking for a Safe House."
"No phones allowed. Arms out," replied the bored tiger.
Nick spread his arms wide and let the larger mammal do his business until–
*Beeeeep*
"What's in your pocket?"
Nick smiled big and with a flourish, pulled out a colorful autograph card, signed it and handing it to the hyena, said, "My good mammal, Robin Hood, magician extraordinaire at your service. Carnivals, birthday parties, and," waggling his eyebrows, "I'll even do bachelorette parties for the right price. All my information is right there on the back.
"Nice picture, huh?"
Rolling his eyes, the tiger slipped the card into his pocket and motioned for Nick to head into the building.
-/-/-
Following the sounds of mammals arguing, Nick made his way to a dingy room with beat-up furniture along the walls and a map of the City laid out on a table in the center.
"Ahem."
Five mammals focused in on the Pawaiian shirt wearing, khaki pants clad fox that had just entered their den.
"Seriously?" said the jackal who had preceded Nick by only a few minutes, "A fox? What the hell?"
A small brown bear huffed as two hyenas sitting on a couch started to chuckle.
"You Hood?" asked an old badger with his paw still on the map.
"Yup," replied Nick pulling out an autograph card for the badger.
"Get rid of that," said the badger impatiently, motioning Nick closer.
Nick dumped everything he was holding into a trashcan under the table and stepped up to where the badger wanted him.
"Alright," said the badger waving his paw over the north side of Sahara Square. "Knuckles said you know a lot about these areas and who would be best to add to our client list tonight."
Nick nodded, "Yeah, sure, do you have anyone in mind already?"
The bear stepped closer, and putting a claw on the map, said, "There's a cleaner run by a weasel couple here. I vote they'd be easy pickins."
Shaking his head, Nick replied, "Nah, no money, they've got a kit in college, and they're up to their ears in debt."
"Told ya they were no good," said the jackal. "I vote we hit Aurialio's Auto Shop, right here. I'm sure we can talk that ram into paying for our laundry services, all that grease and all. He's open late, too."
"Yeah, no," chuckled Nick. "There's a reason he's open late, and it's not for any late-night, do it yourself mechanics either."
"Why?" smirked the jackal.
"He cleans cars for the Tapirasov family."
The hyenas laughed as the jackal went pale, put his paws up, and backed away from the map.
"I swear on all five of my pups, I didn't know."
"Shut up, Benny, you don't have any pups," scolded the badger. And then focusing back on Nick, asked, "How about you, any ideas?"
Nick rubbed the back of his neck as he thought out loud, "I'm thinking you want someone that deals in a lot of cash, maybe has a few losers on staff that like to skim a little, and if we're lucky, has a clientele that are a little shady themselves."
Running a claw over the map, Nick hummed a bit and then tapped an out of the way spot, "Here. An old roadhouse for medium and medium-large sized mammals called the Double Daus. It's seen better days but still has a steady flow of guys off the docks and from the warehouses over here."
"Security?"
"The ZPD avoids the place since it's such a dive, and the owner has, maybe, one prey mammal running the door on a night like this."
Everyone smiled as the badger rubbed his paws together and said, "Alright, the van's out back. Let's go."
-/-/-
Wolfard set the binoculars in his lap and said, "How long has Wilde been in there? The guy at the door still hasn't moved, and no one's come out."
"Fifteen minutes. They should've come out by now."
"I don't like it."
"Me neither," grunted Nadine as she undid a couple of buttons on her shirt. "How about I go talk to our bouncer friend and see what's up."
"What did you just do?" asked Ralph nodding toward his mate's exposed cleavage.
"He's a tiger. I'm a tigress. I figured I'd try sweet talking the information out of him."
"Usually, you like to pound information out of the perps."
Nadine shrugged, "Yeah, well, I've been talking with Judy, and she's been giving me pointers. You know, big eyes, pouty lips, playing with your head fur, things like that."
"You know as well as I do that stuff only works for her because she's got Wilde wrapped around her finger like no one's business."
Nadine's face fell a bit, and then she cocked her head sideways, batted her eyes, and in a pouty voice asked, "So what you really mean is you don't think I can be as sweet a female as Judy, don't you? I mean, *sniff* if that's how you feel… about me… I guess…"
Ralph sighed.
Nadine batted her eyes again.
"Fine, but I'm going too. And no more talking to Hopps, ever again."
-/-/-
"Hey buddy, seen a shifty-looking fox around here 'bout ten, fifteen minutes ago? He lifted my wallet and dissed my girl here," said Ralph, nodding toward Nadine.
"Yeah, he thought I was an escort, so rude. I'm an actress. I have a headshot and everything," Nadine added breathlessly while running a finger along the edge of her unbuttoned shirt.
Ralph growled quietly.
The thuggish tiger grinned as he looked Nadine up and down and then put a paw on her arm to console her, "Filthy canid pelt, none of them understand us felines and our needs, I'll bet you're a wonderful actress."
Wolf knuckles cracked.
"Thank you," Nadine replied with a wink. "You're so sweet. How about you let me in so I can find that mean, nasty fox and give him what he deserves."
"No can do, beautiful. Besides," tapping his earpiece, the tiger whispered, oh so close to his quarry's twitching ear, "he left ten minutes ago with my boss." And then reaching a finger toward Nadine's exposed chest fur, said, "So, how about you lose the wolf and we–"
*Pffft*
"–go inside, uh, aaand…"
"Really, Ralph? You had to dart him?" chided Nadine, waving at the heap of tiger at her feet.
"Yup," replied Ralph spinning his dart gun by the trigger guard, "After you."
*Pffft*
Nadine stopped, "Did you just dart him again?"
"Finger slipped," replied Ralph sliding his gun into its shoulder holster.
"You and I need to have a heart-to-heart talk tonight after we get home."
Ralph leaned toward his mate and, taking a sniff, grunted, "Tonight, yes. Heart-to-heart, yes. Talk, no." And then, with another sniff, he growled out, "Come on, Wilde went that way."
-/-/-
"Toni, stop! It had like, eight eyes, and it snuck up on me. It wasn't my fault," groaned Judy sitting on a chair in the female's restroom.
…
"I know, that's what Nick said, but I didn't want to sit at home all by myself tonight. Besides, the extra money's kind of nice."
…
"Yeah, as long as I fill out all the right paperwork, Bogo doesn't care."
…
Twirling her unused ear, Judy shrugged, "Nah, when I first started here it was, but now it's sort of boring."
…
"No, I don't know. Nick doesn't have his phone with him, so I have to wait until he's done, and then if it's not too late, we'll go do something."
…
"Toni! No, I can't believe you said that. I meant a late dinner, or maybe some ice cream."
…
Judy rolled her eyes, "Yeah, I still have it. Nick calls it my 'Book of Secrets.'"
…
"A couple of times already, page fifty-one is fun too."
…
Judy smiled and then laughed, "Ok, ok, I'll watch out for that one. I always wondered why you taped a baby picture of Aidan to the page."
…
"Page forty-seven? Uh, what do you mean?"
…
Judy suddenly pulled the phone away from her ear, and then glancing around the empty restroom, she flipped her ears over her eyes and whispered, "Shhhh, not so loud. Yes, I've studied, I mean, looked at page forty-seven, but I'm not a vixen like you, so I just don't know about that one."
…
"Yeah, we're both off the next couple of days. Why?"
…
"Oh."
…
"But…"
…
"Are you sure? I mean the diagrams…"
…
"Ok, page eighteen first, then forty-seven, and then page ninety-six as a warm down. Anything else?"
…
"Protein bars?"
…
"Ok, and lots of water. Got it."
…
"Yeah," said Judy chuckling now, "I heard something crash, too."
…
"I still don't know. You better go find out who broke what."
…
"Toni."
…
"Toni, I–"
…
"Ok, ok. Fine. If Nick gets done early enough, I'll try."
…
"Seriously? A Yoda quote? I'm hanging up on you right now. Bye, Toni!"
…
Hopping off the chair, Judy chuckled to herself again as she slipped her phone into the back pocket of her jeans, "And mammals think bunnies are the ones good at math…"
-/-/-
"They're gone," said Ralph closing the back door. "There's a gap between the two buildings behind this one. That's how we missed them leaving."
Nadine huffed and then waved her paw at the map sitting on the table, "Great, and I don't see any marks, or pins, or anything on the map that would tell us where they've gone."
"Alright," stepping back into the hallway, Ralph said, "Wilde knew we couldn't listen in, so…"
Staying low, Ralph started sniffing along where Nick had been.
"Check that bookshelf," muttered Ralph.
Sniffing his way back to the table, Ralph started to straighten up when he saw…
"Hang on. I've got something here."
Nadine padded over just as Ralph pulled one of Nick's dorky autograph cards out of a trashcan.
"You don't think these are for real, do you?" said Nadine taking the card and looking it over for any writing or clues as to where the gang had gone.
"I don't know, McHorn does standup, and I heard Snarlov is into interpretive dance, so–"
*Click*
"Get rid of that…"
Nadine looked to see her smiling mate holding up a carrot shaped pen he'd just fished out of the trash.
"Shall we go?"
-/-/-
"Alright, Hood, you and me in the lead, the rest follow and fan out as soon as we're through the door."
"Got it," replied Nick, "and make sure you keep a close eye on the coyote behind the bar, he's the owner and quicker than a cheetah on the run, and slipperier than a greased otter."
Opening the door, the badger stomped to the center of the bar and waited for all the mammals in attendance, especially the coyote bartender, to notice the gang of hardened beasts that were about to ruin their night.
"Alright, no one move …"
*swoosh*
"… This bar isn't in compliance with the local laundry regulations, and the six of us are here to fix that."
*thwapp*
The badger, staying focused on the coyote who was drying a glass, whispered out the side of his mouth, "Did you hear something, Hood?"
"Nope," Nick whispered back, "but keep watching the coyote, just in case."
*swaap*
A bull moose at the bar yawned.
"You behind the bar," yelled the badger, "We're here to collect the weekly laundry fee."
*zwapp*
"We?" replied the coyote with a raised brow.
"Yes, ah," and then glancing to the sides, whispered, "Guys? Hood?"
"I'm here," whispered Nick, "Do me a favor and say 'Happy Valentine's Day'"
"What!" and then turning to Nick, practically yelled, "Why the hell do you want me to say 'Happy Valentine's Day'–"
*oooff*
The bartender picked up another glass to dry, and the bull moose yawned again as Nick put his arms out in front of himself, palms up.
"Yeeeee Haaaw!" came a loud, happy voice as a grey blur of fluff landed in Nick's arms and started peppering him with kisses.
"Best gift ever!" yelled Judy as she fist-pumped and then pulled her fox's muzzle to hers for another round of kisses.
Everyone in the bar turned back to their drinks, except the bull moose who ordered some coffee.
-/-/-
Weapons drawn, Ralph pulled open the door to the Double Deux and followed his partner in as she yelled, "ZPD, paws where we can see them."
Everyone in the bar froze, except for one bull moose looking at his hooves, trying to decide what to do.
Ralph and Nadine looked around the bar. Everything seemed quiet, no trouble, no bad guys, and no fox.
"Uh," Ralph said as he holstered his tranq. "Anyone see a fox come in here with a gang of thugs?"
Everyone put their paws, and hooves, down as the bartender pointed to an alcove behind the main door and said, "If'n you be Officer WolfEyer, Wilde said them's for you."
Turning to where the muscular coyote was pointing, Ralph groaned at the pile of unconscious mammals he saw.
"WolfEyer? Wilde gave us a couple's name?"
"Yeah," replied Ralph as he looked over the card Wilde had left, handed it to his partner, and asked, "How sure are you about IA not putting up a stink?"
"Pretty sure," replied Nadine as she flipped the card over and then read Wilde's note out loud.
"Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I'm taking my mate to bed,
Paperwork's on you."
…..
Happy Valentine's Day 2021
~Mikey :)
