Lordy lordy has it been so long already? Uggg, in that long break from the show, I sorta just lost my inspiration to write about them, so I stepped back, worked on other stuff and kazam the show being up and running again has literally re-awakened all my feels. ESPECIALLY 5x03! BELARRRRKKEEEEE
Anywho, I went and realized I had about ten pages of the chapter written, so I decided to cut it in 'half' basically just so you guys would HAVE an update now. I mean, I hope it won't be more than like twoish weeks before the next chapter is out, and then regularly after that, but let's just take our wins and run with 'em, eh?
Thanks to my awesome reviewers, hope y'all are still here: liverscove2118, Red646, Emperor's Sister, P. Mellarke, heidi1245401, tvstatic, and orion-day02!
P. Mellarke: And then I go and ghost for seven months XD We're back now, and this has some great Bellarke moments in it! And ugg, I agree, secrets suck. It will get worked out though, don't worry.
15 Years After Start of Project
Even in the dim, flickering light of the office, the stone still seemed brilliant to Bellamy. It wasn't anything huge, but it wasn't the smallest ring out there. It was enough, or he hoped Clarke would agree. Not that she was bound by classless opinions on such things, anyway, but he found himself doubting everything since he made this choice.
He leaned back in his chair, pushing his feet upon the top of the desk as he turned it left and right, trying to get the light to dance over it just right. His heart thudded just looking at it. Everything about this ring made it final. It was one of the last final things in his life to do, he figured. At least for him, he wasn't one of those people that were already looking for his next wife. No, he would marry Clarke for life and if she died- and impossible thought, but one he knew he had to think of, at least once- he didn't think he could ever marry again. Truth was, there was just no one like Clarke around.
Sarah had found it, not that he needed her to entirely anyway, but Sarah still found things and Bellamy still liked to recall a time that wasn't as long ago as it seemed when that would have been his only option. He recalled on their first date, Bellamy had been scrapping together portions to impress her. While it was more than he'd ever had before in terms of money, he was still acutely aware that the dinner he provided was almost a whole month's rations, after he counted out what he and his mother and Octavia would need for food. He had thought it unimaginable he'd ever get to this point; that this ring, which very well cost him triple what that first meal was, left hardly a dent in the rations he had saved up.
Between him and Clarke, he made more than her, in reality. At least for now. He knew Clarke would continue to climb up that ladder, and one day she'd take over her mother's spot. Bellamy wasn't sure how much higher he'd go. Once, Benny had asked him if he'd ever thought about being the Commander, or even the Chancellor since there was no hard or fast rule the Chancellor had to be in politics. Bellamy had admitted he hadn't thought much about either, but the question hadn't left his mind since. At least right now, he was happy where he was. The only way he'd accept either of those positions was if it was the best for the ark, for the people upon it.
In a world not so far away, with the way things were going, he could almost see it.
The top of the ring box snapped close as a pit formed in his stomach. A voice that he'd done a good job of keeping tied down leaped free and whispered in his head. How could he possibly ask Clarke to marry him when he was keeping so many secrets from her, ones that she was just inches away from finding out on her own?
He recalled how three days ago, he'd gone to Jake to formally ask permission to marry Clarke. Overall, since they were betrothed and getting married even if they had hated each other, the point was moot. Still, he was a traditional sort of guy and he wanted to prove to Jake, who he liked on most occasions better than Abby, that he was going to do right by Clarke.
Jake, of course, hadn't a reservation at all.
Somewhere during their talk, Bellamy brought up the fact he still felt uneasy about keeping this secret, one he didn't totally know everything about, from Clarke.
"If we're going to be married, I don't think I can…" He trailed off, "Jake, I just can't do it."
"You have to, Bellamy," Jake's voice was grave, "You're like a son to me, you know that. So listen to me when I tell you I'm on your side. But Clarke can't know."
Bellamy paced angrily, "She's not a child! Obviously," He snorted, "I think she is old enough to realize-,"
"Have you met my daughter?" Jake interrupted, "She's so…idealistic, which is so beautiful. The creativity that comes from that is unbounded to anything, but it makes her naive sometimes. We've seen things. We know how these things go."
Bellamy closed his eyes, drawing a shuddering sigh as his fingers twitched, as he replayed over and over the moment of shooting Ana in the head. He remembered dragging the metal off Monroe and seeing the blood spill over her lips, down her chin and the light dying from her eyes. He remembered the glint in Diana's eyes before she realized she'd lost. He remembered how many of their men they'd floated, good men, or so Bellamy had thought. He remembered how small the guard seemed afterward.
He remembered too that Clarke had seen none of it. She'd only experienced a portion, safe in the medbay, hearing things from others. He remembered how she was so insistent that Ana's death was necessary, how Bellamy couldn't possibly be bad.
But it was all gray to him. Even now, he wasn't sure it was the best thing. Ana would be killed anyway, but maybe her daughter needed her mother more and maybe he shouldn't have done that, knowing how it felt to be the child of a single parent. Maybe there was a darkness in him and maybe that's all there was.
"You know what I'm talking about," Jake whispered, and Bellamy opened his eyes.
"One day," Bellamy whispered, "She'll go through something and maybe then I can tell her."
"I'm doing it for her, Bellamy. If she tells anyone…that's treason." Jake pressed.
"Jaha couldn't float her thought," Bellamy's eyebrows shot up, "She's like practically his niece, a daughter, even!"
Jake's lips turned thin, "Years ago, I almost told the whole world about something. Before we formed the brain trust. Before a solution was found. Abby talked me out of it. I had the same thought you did; Jaha has been my best friend since I was five. But he would have. He would have floated me. I asked. He didn't lie."
The admission felt almost like a slap in Bellamy's face, "And you're still his friend? After he admitted that?"
"Things aren't so easy. I could have started a mass panic." Jake said, "And I'm sure glad I'm not in his position." He gave a wry chuckle.
"You wouldn't go around floating best friends!" Bellamy shook his head.
"Someone has to make those hard choices," Jake said, "Someone has to put the Ark before individuals, otherwise we would have all died eons ago." He turned to look at Bellamy, "I'm glad it's not me, and I never imagine for a second what weighs on his shoulders. I'm just glad it's not me."
Bellamy was utterly silent for a second. Sourly, he knew somewhere deep that Jake was right. To hell with 'for the good of the ark' though. He'd heard that so many times if he heard it once more, he felt like he'd barf. It all seemed so ominous. Still, though, for the first time, he seemed to realize what real danger Clarke could be in. He almost wished he'd never figured it out; never dug into it.
"I get it now," He murmured, shaking his head, "Damnnit."
"With any luck, in a few years, this will all be fixed and everyone will know then," Jake said, but this wasn't as comforting as Jake seemed to think it was.
"I'm a shit liar around Clarke. What if she asks the wrong questions, the ones I can't deny?"
"Practice. If you love her, and stars I know you do, you'll wait for when everyone knows or there will come a day something dark will find its way into her heart, and she'll be like us." He said, "But honestly, selfishly, I hope that day never comes."
"Bellamy-," a voice outside the door startled him from his thoughts, "You have a visitor."
The tone was teasing, and as Bellamy pulled up his holopad, he didn't notice a meeting planned for today.
"Yeah, come in." He said absently.
There was a flash of blonde hair and Bellamy threw the ring case in a drawer hastily, snapping it shut.
"Don't want me to see something?" Clarke teased.
"Confidential stuff. Boring as hell, but ugg, rules." Bellamy said, looking pointedly the other way. Clarke seemed to accept this, although he knew that it was an awful cover-up, she had something else on her mind.
"Does this door lock?" She asked slyly. Bellamy, locking the desk drawer, looked up and grinned.
"Why?" He asked, leaning back. Clarke had found the lock and was snapping it closed.
She turned, an innocent look on her face, "Oh, you know why."
She was wearing her lab coat, and he figured this must be her lunch break. Bellamy rolled his chair away from the desk, enough so that Clarke could come behind and stand almost touching his bent knees.
"You know why I'm here?" She asked.
"Work's slow?"
"Well," Clarke ran her fingers through her hair, "Yes…but no. I'm here because I missed you." She whispered. Bellamy gave her a goofy, love-struck grin.
"Clarke, I just saw you this morning."
"No, I miss you." To emphasize further, she undid her lab coat and dropped it to her ankles, revealing nothing on underneath. Not a shred of clothing.
Bellamy's mouth went dry. They hadn't been intimate in a couple days, because it seemed whenever one got a break at work the other's work would burst out with some mini problem. Thus, it had left both of them high and dry for at least twelve days. Bellamy had a feeling where this was going, but this? Well, perhaps in his wildest dreams, but yet, here Clarke was.
"Door's locked?" He confirmed.
"'Course." Clarke said, "We're blissfully alone…" She whispered, leaning forward and kissing down his neck, her fingers working to undo his belt buckle. She shoved the chair against the wall and straddled his lap, "So, Lieutenant Blake, is there a punishment for public nudity?"
"Well," Bellamy said, his hands drawing across the small of her back, "I can think of one, but it's very specialized…"
"Will it hurt?" Clarke asked as they worked to shimmy his pants down his legs.
"Actually, with any luck, you might just enjoy it," Bellamy said, and in a spur of the moment, grasped his handcuffs and clicked it onto Clarke's wrist, and then the other end onto his desk.
"Oh, Bell," Clarke purred in a low, sultry voice that made him so very glad she had chosen to do this.
And they nearly finished; Bellamy with one hand gripping her waist as he pulled her down against him, the other on her mouth to keep her from moaning, Clarke with her one free hand tugging his hair and her thighs tightening, both of them trying to find just the right movement so the chair didn't squeak too bad and both panting and sweating and so close until-
"Lieutenant? Hey? You in there?" A different voice than the one who had shuffled Clarke into his office, because anyone could probably guess what would be happening, called, "You got ah, someone here to see you."
Clarke and Bellamy paused their actions. Bellamy took his hand-bitten and bleeding- from over Clark's mouth and she shook her head, whispering, "It's locked. We're okay, just…say something."
"I'm uh," Bellamy's voice was rough, and for someone on law enforcement, Clarke thought his 'normal' voice was not that great, since if they didn't think he was having sex right now the person outside the door was probably a virgin, "I'm busy." He coughed, lowering his tone.
"Door's locked, ma'am." The guard said to whoever was apparently waiting for him. Clarke started to move again on Bellamy and his eyes tore away from the door back to her. She bit her lip and gave him a raised look, as if to ask wasn't this, the thought of being caught, sexy?
His hips bucked back into hers as he smirked. It sort of was. She began to gyrate tortuously slow on to of him, just enough to make all of Bellamy's thoughts turn to absolute nothing. Why had they stopped again?
"No problem there," The second voice responded. Ah, shit, yes. They'd stopped because of that.
The other voice on the outside hummed casually as they played with the lock, and there was a terrifying moment when Bellamy heard someone jimmingy the door. He shoved Clarke down onto the floor just at the right moment. Clarke ungracefully shoved herself the best she could under his desk, her hand still attached up front, and Bellamy grabbed a stack of papers of his desk to make his lap look mildly decent.
The door opened and the visitor took a look inside, snickered, and turned back to the guard, sending him away. She closed the door and re-locked it.
"Lieutenant Swan, this ah, couldn't wait?" Bellamy asked, looking up to his former mentor.
"Mrs. Swan, now, since I'm off the force." She reminder, her gaze taking in the papers spilled on the floor, Clarke's discarded doctor robe, Bellamy's pants pooled at his feet, "I apologize for taking you away from what looks like quite the afternoon."
Bellamy couldn't imagine his face turning any redder, "You're not going to tell Commander Miller, are you?" He moaned quietly. He was sure this little rendezvous broke a rule, if not more than one. Lieutenant Swan, because he could never imagine calling her anything else, waved a hand and scoffed.
"Please," She said chuckling, "If you don't think me and my late husband- bless his late soul- didn't do the exact same thing as soon as I was moved up to my own office…" She gave a reminiscent grin, "See those marks there? It's harder than you think for a man with one hand to be balanced with a desk, but we managed."
Bellamy's eyes flickered to the long gashes in the wood. He recalled seeing Leitant Swan's husband once or twice before he had passed; a man with a hand missing from an infection untreated and he walked around with an array of apparatuses. Bellamy wans't sure if he should be disgusted or amazed to find out where the marks had come from.
Swan picked up Clarke's only clothing.
"Bellamy, I'm going to turn around and you're going to right your trousers. And Ms. Griffin, I believe I have your clothes too. Please unlock her; that looks very uncomfortable." Swan said, setting the robe on the desk. Clarke poked her head up. Bellamy's fingers fumbled as he went to unlock the handcuffs. Then, he hastily set his own self right. Clarke tied up the strings around herself tight, sending Bellamy a sexually frustrated look. He sent one right back.
I can't take this, tonight I'm gunna jump her bones and there could be a fucking fire on the Ark for all I care, but I sure as hell won't be the one to respond to it.
Swan turned around as Clarke was attempting to fix her hair to look less suspicious. Clarke opened her mouth to say something, but thought better and merely bit her knuckle in slight aggravation and empressement before leaving.
"What a young thing you two are," Swan smiled, "It warms my heart you know. And to answer your question, no, this couldn't wait."
Bellamy had been leaning over to pick up the papers that had fluttered off his desk. At the severity of her last comment, his head came up.
"This can't wait. What's…going on?" Bellamy rolled the words over his tongue, "Is everything...okay?" He asked, worry clouding his thoughts. Although, why was Swan coming to him? Wouldn't Commander Miller be in here or calling a meeting if it was something big?
"Technically," She drew the word out, her voice so calm and cool it was eerie to hear and a shiver ran up Bellamy's spine, "No."
"Technically?" Bellamy frowned, "I'm sorry, I'm just not…"
"The Ark." Swan interrupted him.
Bellamy licked his lips, shrugging, "Yeah? About that?" He said, but his voice sounded dry.
"Oh, Blake," Swan said in a voice that was almost pitying, "We both know that you know what I'm talking about."
Bellamy's shoulders hunched and a fear gathered in his stomach. He wasn't supposed to know, not really. Jake was protecting him, and he wanted to trust Swan, but since events of late, trust was hard for him to believe in anymore.
"How do you know?" He decided to ask instead.
"I might not be in the force anymore, but that doesn't mean I stopped being perceptive when I left," Swan sniffed indignantly, "And for the files, I could still get to…" She tapped three times on his desk, "I'm just losing my eyesight. Not my mind."
"Oh," Bellamy swallowed thickly.
"And so, I went to David. He's a good boy, and I do believe he does all he does for the Ark, unlike that scum-of-the-earth Shumway. And I asked him, point-blank. Well, I'm just a little old lady. If I were to tell people, the council would have a 'crazy' sticker on me and no one would question anything I said. So, there was no harm in admitting it to me. I asked him who else knows. Besides himself, since these matters are of the guard too, he only gave me five other names- The Chancellor, the father of the girl that was under the desk, and three of your little friends. But, we looked at those files and we both realized that someone with a great mind and a natural tendency for wanting to help his fellow Arkers would have figured it out. We came to the conclusion that you, Bellamy, must know."
"So it was a guess when you came in here? And I just admitted I've been sticking my fingers into places they shouldn't be?"
"I knew it as a certainty," Swan said quietly, "I mentored you, Blake. I know you like I know my own children."
"What now?" Bellamy let out a long breath, "Now that I've been made?"
"Well, nothing bad. David is glad it's you. We surmised no one else on the force has figured anything out or been so forward to look into these discrepancies themselves. Sheep, as I told you. David told me that when you took this job, at the child's age of nearly seventeen, you told him you didn't want to be a mindless gunman. You never could be, but now, this comes with consequences."
There was a silence between them, "I don't know more than you do," Swan continued, "David doesn't know much more than you do. But I do know this, child, you are in for the day where you are going to have to make some very tough decisions, see things I wished you did not have to see."
"I…" Bellamy almost said 'I already have' but he didn't want to admit this.
"I know," Swan seemed to read his face anyway, "But worse than even that."
"Why are you here?" Bellamy felt something snap within him, a nerve or something that would have never made him so angry at someone he respected so much under different circumstances.
"Because I wanted you to know that I believe in you." She said, leaning over and taking his hand, "I know I don't give these mushy feelings often, and this might seem dramatic, but there will be a moment or worst case there will be moments, where you aren't sure what you are doing is the right thing. Two impossible choices. But I just want you to think of me and remember that I know you will be making the right ones. And, even if they are the wrong ones, I won't think any less of you. You are a king." She said, the last phrase so precisely that Bellamy had to think it meant so much more than a mere compliment.
He let out an exhale, his eyes meeting hers.
"Oh," He murmured. It was such a small sentiment, but it meant a lot between them. It meant a lot to him.
Swan's pad beeped. She checked something, her face darkening for just a swift second, and then shook her head.
"Is that…do you need to?" Bellamy fumbled around with his question.
"I do," She replied tersely and stood. But, her worried face faded as she looked at Bellamy. She smiled warmly and something about her smile made him feel okay, if even for a second.
She turned to leave.
"Swan!" He called out, her fingers on the door. Swan chuckled, turning.
"You know, Bellamy, I think at this point…you can call me by my first name. Emm."
"Emm," Bellamy tried it out, but it felt clunky to use it when he seemed still to be so much like a child. She turned when he said it and he couldn't recall how to breathe, just for a second.
"So what happens now?" He asked.
"We do what it takes to survive. We do what we've always done." Emm said and this seemed good enough to Bellamy. He nodded firmly.
"I will do what I can to protect the people of the Ark," He said, a promise.
"I know you will. I hope to the stars above you can." It seemed like such a strange parting notion, but Bellamy understood it. Sometimes, under the best of circumstances, there was little that could be done for certain things. Nevertheless, Bellamy felt renewed.
They could beat this. They had to, and Bellamy was going to do everything in his power to make sure they did. With people like Swan or Miller behind him…he couldn't fail, right?
PROJECTIPHIGENIA
"I'm sure you and Bellamy will re-initiate your private relations again," Keshawn told Clarke in what she assumed was his comforting voice.
"You can just drop it, Keshawn. I appreciate the effort, but that doesn't help me right now." She moaned. She had put back on her clothes under her robe, but she still felt itchy and uncomfortable. She'd thought about going back. But, the allure was pretty much gone now.
"Well, you look primed to disrobe the second Bellamy walks in here if he is smart enough, so-,"
"Hey, let's just…" Clarke bit her lip, "Not. I don't need reminding about this incident, alright?"
Keshawn snickered a little, and Clarke made it seem like she was very interested in the coma patient's pad.
"What about you, I mean? Aren't guys always horny?" She turned the question back to him. Keshawn seemed mostly unfazed.
"I've learned to stifle my urges. I don't want to rush things. Marisha and I had relations twice, but she learned she was with a child not much after, so there seemed to be little point. But now?" There was a grin on his face that Clarke was sure she'd never seen before, something very human, "We are…approaching something."
"What?" Clarke nearly dropped the pad, "No way!"
She pulled him outside since she still had part of their break left. She took him a hall and a half down so they could talk more in private. She knew Keshawn was a person who didn't like speaking of such things in public, but Clarke was really curious now.
"Yes…way," Kesahwn winced at her slang, "I do not mean to kiss and tell, but I suppose I already have and I know you to be of good trust, so we've…done some things. A couple nights ago. It was enjoyable for me," His eyebrows folded, "I hope for her too…"
"Well, I guess you'll only find out in the future if she liked it," Clarke said. On any other day, she might give Keshawn all the tricks of the trade to pleasing a woman in bed, but today, she was just too restless to do that. Nevertheless, she was genuinely happy for them. She wanted to believe Jaha, who she saw as an Uncle, did something right- not just her and Bell, but others too. She wanted everyone to come out of this somewhat happy, as stupid as that may seem.
Keshawn opened his mouth to reply, but it seemed instantaneously all the lights and bells went off on her pad. She flung it open, eyes scanning the red dots and turned off the little blaring noises.
"What is it?" Keshawn's voice was deep with concern. His fingers rubbed over a scar he'd gotten from helping dig people out of the rubble when the bomb went off. Clarke's fear went to the same place.
"Some kind of commotion in a meeting room," This wasn't sounding much better, "My mom sent out the call. She's there. Go back to the Med Bay, get gurneys, prepare!" Clarke commanded immediately.
"Where are you going?"
"To help my mom!" Clarke was already racing down the hallway.
She reached the commonplace, somewhere she knew many of the elders came to enjoy themselves during the day and saw bodies filling the floor like dropped flies.
"Oh my god," Clarke choked out. A moment of terror seized her, but she shook it off quickly. The first three people she checked on were already dead.
Two people down, she spotted a face she'd seen what felt like just minutes before, but she knew by her watch it had been nearly an hour since she'd left Bellamy's office.
"Lieutenant Swan," She said, scrambling over to the frail blonde woman, cradling her head in her lap. She checked her pulse, found it beating faintly and began to search for what happened.
"Clarke…" The woman's hand came up.
"It's okay, it's okay. I'm going to help you now." Clarke whispered, struggling to keep her voice even, like a good doctor.
"Don't try," Swan's voice was weak and so very silent, "The young shall inherit the earth. The old should not stand in your way."
"What?" Clarke asked, leaning down, "That…Lieutenant?" She'd gone still. She shook her a couple more times, but the woman's last breath had left her. It seemed impossible that someone that had just walked in on her and Bellamy was just…just…
Clarke looked up, and all she saw around her was a sea of the dead. No one moving, no one breathing. Just stillness.
Her mother was standing at the wall, her eyes leaking and her face deeply lined with agony.
"Mom?" Clarke's voice sounded positively childlike, broken, "I don't understand…" She whispered, her fractured question carrying over the group.
"Oh, Clarke…" Her mother came forward, trying to help her up, but Clarke just collapsed onto her. She'd seen death before, she'd seen death a lot. But this felt so different from it all, even so different from the bomb. There was just nothing here to grasp, it seemed meaningless. It seemed, at the same time, like it was done intentionally.
"I feel," She tried to speak, but found tears clogging her words and so it was more like faint gasping, "Empty. I don't get it. I just don't get it."
"Clarke, oh," Her mother was shaking too, but she rubbed Clarke's hair and hugged her tight. She might have been on the rocks with her mother lately, but she couldn't imagine a more comforting motion than this right now.
There was the sound of footfalls and squeaking wheels down the hall.
Keshawn came in first, and it seemed for a second he didn't really see.
"I got a message from your mother saying not gurneys but body ba…." He trailed off, his eyes widening as he took in the scene. Around him, doctors streamed in, but they all too paused and just stared. The silence was deafening.
"All dead?" Jackson was the first to speak.
"All of them."
PROJECTIPHEGINA
After Swan left, Bellamy pulled up files, crossed-referenced. He checked to see if anything had changed from what he knew; for better or for worse. And then, he called a meeting.
It was a small meeting, those he trusted within the already small guard. Those he had been personal with enough to trust their character beyond anything. This was not the time for assumptions, it was the time to be vetting people carefully.
Murphy already knew, in a sense. It wasn't until it was brought up that a flicker of something passed across his face, but even then, he hid it well. The rest that made up this trust of sorts was Marc, Booth, Keith, Octavia, Miller (Nate), Harper, and Dax. They all sat, squished into Bellamy's office as he recounted the meeting with Emm Swan, leaving out important bits of course.
"It's just dark times we've entered. I think we all want it to just go back to how it was before, but before was not a good place. It's always been dark. It will get darker before we come out of this, and we need to be not a guard based upon following every stupid rule but one based on helping the people of the ark."
"You're asking us to disobey orders?" Harper asked uncertainly.
"No, no," Bellamy said, "I'm just saying, that when given a choice, pick the more compassionate one. Pick the one that's for the people, not for a hunk of metal."
Murphy concealed a snort, but Bellamy wasn't sure why. He didn't have time to ask.
Their meeting was interrupted by Commander Miller bursting in. He didn't even seem to be concerned that Bellamy was having a secret meeting, perhaps even relieved, but that was all overshadowed by his next words.
"A code red at the Elder's Hall."
By the time they got there, Clarke managed to get out that the elders had been dead for at least ten minutes, if not longer.
"And, Bell…" She stopped him as the guards came to help move them out, to partition off the public, "It's…Swan."
Bellamy felt a cold hand grasp his heart. Emm's words suddenly did have a ring of a goodbye to them, one he hadn't wanted to hear before. He shook his head firmly.
"I just…we just saw her." He whispered.
"I know." Clarke replied back, her voice hollow, "I just don't get why, Bellamy. I want to get it, I want to get this all so bad it hurts." Her fingernails dug into her palms.
"We'll figure it out, bring whoever did this to justice," Bellamy promised her. But, as it turned out, there was no one to bring to justice…not, truly.
A mass suicide. The first in the history of the Ark, Jaha told the guards afterward.
"Were we not treating them with enough respect? Were their conditions not good enough? Was there something we missed?" Jaha was inconsolable about this, at least when he wasn't putting on a smiling face to the public. At this moment, Bellamy was glad he was the Chancellor. Bellamy couldn't imagine having to face the public after something like this.
97% of the elders upon the Ark had committed suicide. Over 300 people had gotten one of their former chemists to mix something, drank it, and all gone off. Bellamy couldn't imagine it was painless, but, he liked to think so. If it were a perfect world, that is.
He felt a little less sure about his crusade to save the people of the ark when he obviously couldn't tell that Swan was about to go off and do this. He felt a little hopeless. He felt a little lost.
The days after were dark for everyone, darker than he could have imagined.
"You were right," Octavia told him, "You were right about it. Damn."
He hadn't wanted to be.
Lots of people had lost their grandparents, parents, uncles. And while a very nice ceremony was held for them, it didn't help anyone understand why it was. No one left a note. And, for a long time, as far as anyone could tell, nothing was said.
Two weeks later, he found Clarke crying at night. It reminded him so much of his time after Ana. She hadn't talked at all about it, and he knew it was hard. He knew she'd found some still alive, like Swan, but had been unable to save any. That must be difficult, he understood.
"Swan told me something," She whispered against Bellamy's chest and repeated it, "I don't get it, I just don't…why?" She whispered, her sorrow turning to anger, "I wanted to help people and I couldn't help a damn one."
"They didn't want you to," Bellamy said consolingly, "There was nothing to have been done."
In the back of his mind, something was whirling. Something was clicking. Something was making sense.
When Clarke went to sleep, soothed by Bellamy's quiet assurance and warm hands rubbing her back, he stayed up, blinking into the darkness. Could it possibly…?
He felt renewed, but in a sense that weight heavily upon him. The sense that dark choices were being made for survival, and this, he felt, might only be a taste of what was to come.
Two after that was the day before Murphy turned of age, which meant he and Raven were to be married. It seemed impossible that anyone should have a happy occasion, but he was getting hitched circumstance or not. There had been talk about canceling his bachelor's party, which Bellamy and Benny had been planning for months, but now Bellamy was all the more inclined to keep it. It didn't take a whole ton of convincing. Sides, people needed somewhere to let out their emotions anyway, and Monty's moonshine was a good start.
The quest to get Murphy drunk enough to talk about Raven's brain trust wasn't even the whole thing he focused on the whole night. In fact, there was a part, at the beginning, where he made the conscious choice to let go a little. He wasn't going to get as roaring drunk as everyone else, but hell, he needed something like this. He let himself be pulled into stupid games of truth or dare (mostly, dare or dare) and talk dirty and all the other things that the boys got into.
It didn't take long for most of the boys to tire themselves out; what with the release of emotions, the drunken state, and the activity most had participated in tonight, Bellamy was hardly surprised. He was glad to see Murphy still up, though, lounging on the couch and staring at the ceiling.
"Care for another?" Bellamy teased, holding up Monty's glass of moonshine, now dangerously low.
"Whaa…? Oh, fuck no. I made Raven promise I wouldn't get too out of it and here I am. I can't have anymore," He slurred, and Bellamy felt his fluttering nerves relax. Murphy was drunk enough to maybe be loose-lipped, but not drunk enough to start telling him about aliens and ghosts and other B.S.
"I can't believe you're getting married," Bellamy said, sitting down, shaking his head, "You…"
"I know man," Murphy snorted, "Me…little ole John…" he clicked his tongue, "I want to do right by Raven. I don't know if I know how. I don't think I had the best examples."
"The Collins, what about them?"
"I guess," Murphy shrugged, "But…I dunno. I just don't want to be like my mom. Like her mom. What if we are who our parents are?"
"I don't believe that," Bellamy said firmly, "Because the fact you're even worried says so much."
"And I have you," Murphy added, uncharacteristically forward. He winced, as though realizing what he just said, "Awe, shit, not that I, I meant,"
"No…bro…it's cool." Bellamy pats his shoulder, "I get it." He did.
He paused, something telling him he had to ask soon, or else the chance would be missed entirely.
"The mass suicide. You didn't have anyone, did you?"
"Thank god, no." Murphy said, "I know Jasper did. He's taking it rough. Went and saw him yesterday, with O."
"Yeah, me the day before," Bellamy agreed. He hadn't someone in the group either, but even having someone from their after-school group lose a family member felt like they all did.
"Clarke said that Swan told her something before she died. The young will inherit the earth and the elderly shouldn't stand in their way," Bellamy frowned, struggling against his alcohol mind, "Or, something similar."
He watched the way Murphy shrugged.
"Murphy…" Bellamy said slowly. Murphy looked at him and leaned forward, putting his hands in his palms.
"No, man, don't." He warned, "I can't…I can't tell you." He said through muffled hands.
"Murphy, I need to be able to help people. I can't if I don't know what's going on. But those words?" Bellamy licked his lips, leaning forward, "John."
Murphy seemed to sober a bit, and Bellamy worried that he'd pushed too far. But then Murphy gave a long sigh.
"I'm going to tell you what you already have already figured out," Murphy whispered, looking Bellamy straight in the eye, "The ark is fucking dying." Hearing those words, that certainty took strength to hear. He'd had bits and pieces, and yes he probably could have guessed something like this, close to this, but hearing it from the source? He swallowed thickly as Murphy continued. He seemed more with it than the entirety of the night, to be honest.
"But I thought-,"
"Yeah, us too. But who knows where someone went wrong? Who fucked up? If it was a miscarried point or zero or one or whatever? Or if we just survived too well? Or if it was something no one could foresee. Thing is, this ark ain't going to take us to our projected 'okay' date."
Bellamy listened intently, cataloging this.
"Swan, she's a clever one. She figured it out too, came to Jasper, asked around. He didn't say anything damning but she trained you, she's good. And next thing we know this happened." He clapped his hands together, "We were all going to die. We'd done the numbers, crunched everything, and we were off. Our calculations. There was a setback, right at the start, and no one on the trust thought it was going to muck things up this late in but whoops, I guess." It was the least 'whoops' that Bellamy could think of, "But Swan? That little stunt? It gave us the extra three and a half months to come clean again. We don't have any extra time. But, for this one second, I have to believe we might make it."
"You…have a plan, right?"
"No way. I've said too much. You could have figured all that out by your own little pesky self. But I can't tell you anything else, no matter how drunk I get. Because if it fails…" Murphy chewed on his thumb, "Then it just fails and you don't have to carry that."
"But-,"
"We all carry things equally. That's what we do, okay, Bellamy? It's not just for you or for Princess or Miller. You have so much shit to deal with yourself. One is not to let the general public know. You get why, right?"
"Yeah, I know." He agreed. He'd known that for a long time.
"If you guess it, I guess I wouldn't have told you what the plan is," Murphy sniggered after a moment, "But honestly, I really don't think you'll guess specifics. You'd have to guess specifics."
"Noted." Bellamy's mind was already whirling. He wanted to ask right now but held it inside. A part of him didn't want to know, as much as maybe he had thought he did. For, if it wasn't great, if it was just a 'meh' plan, he'd be devastated. So, he wanted to believe that his friends would pull through. But, on the other hand, …dammit.
He let the silence hang between them.
"Murphy, do you, personally, think we'll be okay?" Bellamy asked.
"Yeah," Murphy said, "I know I haven't won awards in optimism before, but hell if anyone can do it, my future wife can." The pride emanating from his voice made Bellamy proud too.
"How long?" Bellamy asked, "Until this comes to?"
Murphy let out a long sigh, "Three years."
"Wow," Bellamy said, surprised.
"I know, not long at all! So much to do…"
In reality, Bellamy thought that was a very long time to be so concerned about something, but then, he realized that they'd already been working on this for years. So, perhaps, Murphy was right.
"Hey, Murph…if this does go south, you'd let me know before we all just ceased to exist, right?" Bellamy asked tentatively.
"Yeah," Murphy decided after a moment, "I would. Cuz if it goes south, we're dead anyway and therefore treason won't even matter."
"Is there anything I can do now?" Bellamy asked.
"Keep being you?" Murphy shrugged, "The Ark needs someone who cares about the people. This piece of metal won't matter in three years. The people will."
"Of course."
"And…"
"Yeah, Murphy?" Bellamy yawned, his limbs growing heavy.
"Don't be a freaking martyr. We've had enough of those recently."
So, I hope that you all liked this chapter, despite the wait. Next chapter takes place like 'right' after, since this is cut in two...so Murven wedding, plus a member of the Project goes to great lengths for her family...
This new season of the 100, y'all. I seriously think it's one of the best yet. They said that they were going to be re-mixing the first season a lot and sometimes when shows do that, it's like hardly there at all or not done well, but this? THIS? It's just masterfully well done. I could write so much on how much I'm enjoying literally everyone this season, and we've hardly begun! Even characters I wasn't too fond of last season (Jaha, Echo, Emori) I'm really loving this season! AND BELLARKE ARGHLAFLH this is a ghost updating today BECAUSE I DIED WHEN I SAW THE END OF THAT LAST EPISODE. And Murven? WTF my ships coming true? What is this? Twilight Zone? Even if they're just BROTPs, like, compared to where they were season one, I can jive with that.
On my end, what have I been doing? (in terms of fanfic, that is?)
I finished 'If you must mourn, don't do it alone', which was my Jactavia season 4 au story! I'm probably going to so a sequel, but I seriously loved writing that and some reviews on that one would be lovely :)
I started a new story, a Zuko/Katara one, that's a Selection series!AU called The Prince's Choice
I update my art/story tumblr pretty damn frequently, youngbloodlex22, and I've been doing a daily fic recommendation as well as uploading my art, so if those things interest you, check that out too!
Hope to see a review from y'all!
