Previously: Lily and James soon realize that unlike last year, their new DADA professor will be very boring, and everybody is soon spacing out. James spends the rest of DADA trying to convince himself that Lily actually likes him.
Chapter 50: For Better or for Worse
"Lily?"
Lily glanced up from the essay that Flitwick had assigned them regarding Summoning Charms, which they would be starting within the next couple of weeks. She had not been expecting anybody to bother her in the library, partly because it was late September and one of the last weekends that would be warm enough to enjoy the outside and partly because Marlene, Alice, and Mary were all busy: Alice was at Quidditch practice (she had finally made the team, taking Alexandra Hopkirk's spot as Seeker), Marlene was off somewhere with Adrian Fey, a Hufflepuff in their year who had recently taken an interest in Marlene, and Mary was working on a side-project for Herbology, which was one of the few classes where she excelled.
So it was a surprise when Lily saw Charity Mueller standing in front of her.
"Hi, Charity," she responded curiously. "What are you doing here?"
While Lily had talked to the girl on occasion and had shared the train compartment with her during their first year, the best she could say of their relationship was that they were friendly acquaintances. Lily knew that Marlene was close to Charity, but she herself had only chatted with the girl occasionally – certainly not enough to expect them to spend an entire day together.
"Marlene told me that you could usually be found in the library. Do you mind if I sit down?" asked Charity timidly, pointing to the empty chair opposite Lily.
Lily hesitated only for a second before nodding. Grateful, Charity pulled out the chair. It screeched loudly against the floor, which earned her a reproachful glare from Madam Pince, but Charity pointedly ignored the librarian as she quickly took a seat and scooted her chair closer to the table. It screeched against the floor again, earning an indignant squawk from Madam Pince this time, but Charity still ignored her, choosing to focus on Lily.
"What is it?" asked Lily cautiously once Charity had gotten comfortable.
When it came to her three friends in Gryffindor, Lily was usually pretty good at guessing what was bothering them, either because she knew them well enough to recognize their various moods or because she was already aware of the problems going on in their lives. Neither case applied to Charity, so though it was easy to tell that Charity had come here for the sole purpose of talking to Lily, she was at a complete loss when it came to guessing what the problem was.
"You were friends with Severus Snape, right? Marlene said that you two were close," said Charity hesitantly.
"Yes …" replied Lily with a frown, an uneasy feeling crawling into her stomach.
Her friendship with Severus had never really been a secret per se, but they hardly flaunted it either. Severus was always worried what his friends in Slytherin would think of him if they ever realized just how deep their bond ran, and Lily faced drama from her own friends, none of whom seemed to understand why Lily was so close to someone who shared a dormitory with pure-blood elitists. Looking at Charity, Lily realized that her friends – or at least Marlene – must have discussed her friendship with Severus with third parties as well. She suddenly felt a hot flash of anger towards Marlene – it was absolutely none of her business.
Charity was looking distinctly uncomfortable at under Lily's calculating gaze, but she pressed on nonetheless: "I was hoping to … umm … talk to you about him and his friends – believe me, I'm only talking to you now because I can't think of anything else. I've tried talking to him alone, since I figured that if you were friends with him then he couldn't be that bad, but – umm … it didn't work out so well."
Lily flashed back to their first train ride. They had all been stuck in the same compartment together, and while Lily had not minded it since she already knew Alice, Severus had reacted differently. He had always been shy around new people, and since Lily knew her friend liked to cover up his discomfort with cynicism and doubt, she knew that he did not come across well to the others in the compartment that day.
With a sigh, Lily explained, "I know he can come across as difficult to people he doesn't know very well, but he's really just shy around strangers – or people he views as strangers. I know he can be sarcastic and everything, but that's only because he has a hard time making new friends. I'm sure if you tried talking to him again, he might respond a little better."
Now it was Charity's turn to be confused.
"What? No, I don't care about that – I'm worried about the reason I had to talk to him in the first place."
Lily froze. This was starting to sound a lot like all the times that Marlene had tried to convince Lily to cut Severus off. Only, her reasons had been vague, like pointing out that some of the people he hung around were sketchy or the fact that she had never liked Severus. From the way Charity was talking, it sounded like Severus had done something to make Charity this uneasy.
And though she hated to admit it to herself, Lily was not entirely sure that she wanted to hear what Charity had to say.
"What did he … what did he do exactly?"
"Do you know my friend Beth Quagmire? She's in our year and a Muggle-born."
Lily nodded to indicate that she was familiar with the name, and Charity continued with a hard edge to her voice.
"Well, Snape helped Mulciber and Lestrange steal her cat and cut off its tail, and when she took her cat to Professor Kettleburn for help healing him, his attempts to reattach the tail failed – Kettleburn says that only Dark magic could have done something like that."
"He what? No – Sev would never – he wouldn't," said a shocked Lily.
Charity looked her straight in the eye as she said, "Lily, they told Beth that they needed to practice on a spell that Snape invented and then proceeded to laugh right in her face."
Air, thought Lily desperately. I need air.
"That's why I tried talking to Snape, and do you know what he said? He said, 'Why do I care about some Mudblood's feelings?' before threatening me with the same spell if I didn't shut up and leave him and the other Slytherins alone. That's why I need your help. Detentions seem to do nothing to those … boys, but someone needs to stop them – that's why I'm asking you for help, Lily. You're the only person who might be able to get through – even if it is only one of them. Please, Lily – please, help me."
Lily was silent for a long time. She did not want to believe what Charity was telling her – it just simply did not seem possible to her. The little boy she had met on the playground all those years ago would have never done something so cruel and heartless to somebody who had done absolutely nothing to deserve it.
But was Severus the same person he had been back then? Lily knew that she herself had certainly changed over the years – why not Severus?
Charity seemed to have misinterpreted Lily's silence for an unwillingness to follow through because she added, "I wouldn't ask unless I was desperate – you need to talk to Snape."
"Don't worry," said Lily in a voice she hardly recognized. "I'm definitely going to talk to him."
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ 1974 ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
"Colloportus … Muffliato … Comprimo …"
James waved his wand over the door to the empty classroom, wishing he knew more protection spells. Unfortunately, many of the charms that would have provided them the best security were not generally covered until the N.E.W.T. level, and James was not the type of student to read ahead – though if they really were going to go through with this, he should skip ahead in Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts.
Sirius and Remus were busy covering the windows with mostly the same spells that James used on the door, though Sirius added Sticking Charms to the curtains so that they would not flutter apart at the wrong moment. Peter shoved spare desks aside to create a small circle to practice while several books lay propped open to the parts detailing the Animagus transformation and copies of McGonagall's old notes were stacked haphazardly in a pile on the desk.
When James was certain that the door was as protected as he could make it, he stepped back to admire his work. The door did not look any different from before – but that was the point: to not attract attention. They had specifically picked the classroom that was furthest away from the day-to-day hubbub of the castle – there were no classes in this wing of the castle, no offices, and no common rooms. They were as safe as safe could be.
"Right, let's get this started," said Remus, leaning over one of their many books, and James hurried over to join his friends.
"There are two major parts to this: perfecting the spell and creating the potion to seal everything. I'm a bit surprised that the potion only has four ingredients. It looks like the difficult part is getting the ingredients – and not losing your patience, since it seems that's where most of the mistakes come from. Both the Mandrake leaf and the dew must be collected in a very particular way – and I still have no clue how we're going to get the chrysalis of a Death's-head Hawk Moth. And we have to find a place to store everything – it's imperative that sunlight doesn't contaminate the vials."
"We could keep it in the Shrieking Shack," suggested Peter. "We know it won't be disturbed there."
"No – I might disturb it during a full moon," said Remus, shaking his head.
"I think our best bet is the Forbidden Forest. Not only will it be difficult for sunlight to reach everything, I'm sure there is plenty of dew for us to choose from and we'll have a good place for when we finally have to transform – McGonagall mentioned in her notes that the first transformation can be … difficult," said James.
"And we can get the Mandrake leaf from Sprout – she always has a supply on hand for second years," added Sirius.
"We still need the chrysalis of a Death's-head Hawk Moth. It's not a common potion ingredient, and the ones it is involved in are all highly advanced and not the sort of thing you teach students to brew – so unless anybody has any brilliant ideas, we're down one very important ingredient."
Silence met Remus's statement.
"We'll … figure something out," said Sirius.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ 1974 ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Lily was not sure how long she stood there, waiting for Severus to appear. She had chosen a spot in the shadows cast by the suits of armor in the corridor that she knew to contain the entrance to the Slytherin common room – it would be impossible for her to miss Severus while at the same time providing the best spot to avoid the Slytherins. Belvina Travers paused long enough to sneer at her, but otherwise Lily went largely unnoticed by the passing Slytherins.
As she leaned against the wall with her eyes closed, Lily took a deep breath to steady her nerves. How was she supposed to say everything she wanted to say? Each year that passed, Severus grew continually more and more distant, and Lily was at a loss for how to speak to him. She yearned for the old days when she and Severus were in perfect sync, and she did not have to struggle to find the words to adequately express her thoughts and feelings. Their relationship had once been so gloriously simple, but now … well, now it was much more complicated.
A familiar voice echoed through the corridor, and Lily's eyes flew open, her heart pounding in her chest. She stopped tracing the scar on her wrist so that she could stand up straighter before pressing her head against the stone wall, straining her ears.
"… but Dad's privileged enough to be counted among the Dark Lord's closest friends. He says that the Dark Lord entrusts only his most important missions to his inner circle," boasted Mulciber, and Lily could not help but roll her eyes at that.
While most students, Lily herself included, worried about the war currently waging outside the walls of Hogwarts, several of the people Severus called his friends – chiefly Mulciber and Avery, though she would not be surprised if there were more students who expressed those opinions – had taken to praising Voldemort and his Death Eaters. From what Lily had overheard, it sounded like Mulciber was right on track to joining Mulciber, Sr. in the Death Eater ranks.
"That's incredible," said Wilkes. "So do you think he'll accept you too – y'know, since your father's so close to him."
"I hope so," said Mulciber. "He knows who I am at least – besides, my blood's as pure as the Malfoys, and Dad told me that Lucius recently joined as well."
"Lucius Malfoy's a Death Eater now?"
Lily caught her breath when she heard Severus's voice, and she pressed herself as close to the wall as she could. Their footsteps drew closer and closer, and Lily quickly tapped her wand against her hair with a whisper of "Colovaria," and watched it darken until it could pass for a light brown. The group – Mulciber, Wilkes, Avery, and Severus – appeared out of the corner of her eye, and Lily quickly bent down, pretending to busy herself with tying her shoelace. The boys paid her as much attention as they did the wall and passed by her without incident.
Once she was certain that she was in no danger of being noticed, Lily glanced up, and right before the boys turned the corner, she gave her wand a little flick while whispering, "Diffindo."
Her aim was true, and on cue, Severus's bag split open, all of his books and school things falling to the floor with a crash.
The other boys paused, but Severus waved them onward as he said, "Go on. I'll meet you in the common room – I should've known that this bag would not last forever."
Thankfully for Lily, Severus's friends did not take a lot of convincing and continued on to the common room while Severus was forced to stoop to pick up all of his things that – Lily noticed with a pang of guilt – were now covered with ink. She wasted no time in returning her hair to its normal shade of dark red and hurried forward.
"Hey, Sev – do you need any help?" she said, forcing a casual tone so that Severus would not suspect anything.
"What are you doing down here?" asked Severus, glancing up with surprise. He waved his wand over his books, muttering a spell that Lily could not hear, and the ink that had splattered the books quickly rose into the air and settled back into the newly repaired inkbottles.
"I was visiting Professor Slughorn – he invited me to his little Halloween party," lied Lily – in reality, she had been invited the week before, but she needed a legitimate reason to be down here, and that was the first one to come to her mind. "But it's a good thing I found you though – I wanted to talk to you about something."
"Is it about the party – because I think it would be a great idea to go together," said Severus, an eager look in his eyes.
"Wha – oh, that? I'll worry about that when we get closer to the party. No, I was actually hoping to talk to you about Beth Quagmire's cat actually."
The eager twinkle disappeared as if somebody had used a Summoning Charm, and it was soon replaced with the collected, guarded glint that Lily had grown to dislike. His body went rigid, and he made no move to collect the rest of his things that still remained on the floor.
"What about Quagmire's cat?"
"You know exactly what," said Lily sharply. She frowned heavily at him, following his cue to forget the debris on the floor. "Charity Mueller told me all about what happened – how you, Mulciber, and Lestrange kidnapped that poor cat and cut of its tail. And she also told me what you said to her when she confronted you about it."
"She needs to learn to mind her own business," scoffed Severus.
"Sev!" snapped Lily. "That wasn't right – any of it! Why did you torture the cat in the first place? That's sick, and you know it!"
"We didn't torture anybody!" protested Severus. "And it was Lestrange who actually cast the spell, not me."
"No, you just sat by and watched him cut off that cat's tail before yelling at Charity when she tried to fix the damage – that makes it so much better, Sev," said Lily coolly.
"C'mon, Lils – it was just a cat. It wasn't like Lestrange used the Cruciatus Curse on it or anything. Besides, what did you expect me to do? They're my friends – I couldn't very well stop them, could I?" said Severus.
Lily stood up at that, her hands on her hips and a withering glare on her face. Severus, unperturbed by her anger, stood up as well, and for several long moments, the two of them just there like that. Severus's spilled school supplies lay completely forgotten on the floor, half of them clean while the other half was still covered in spilled ink, but neither made any move to clean the rest of Severus's things up, even though Lily was the one responsible for the mess in the first place.
"You could have stopped them – if you really wanted to. I guess you just liked watching Lestrange's cruelty – after all, he's a Death Eater in the making, isn't he? So long as it's only Muggle-borns and their pets who get hurt, who cares what kind of pain they're in?"
"It wasn't like that," said Severus. "You're making it sound a lot worse than it actually was, Lils."
"Am I?" challenged Lily. "How is it supposed to sound then."
"Well … that's not quite what I – look, what do you want me to do about it? It's done – over." said Severus, his voice raising with each word.
"Apologize to Charity and Beth, first of all – you owe them an apology, and you know it!"
"Oh, that'll help immensely, won't it?" snapped Severus, his tone positively drowning in cynicism.
"It might – and until you do, I have no interest in talking to you," said Lily, firmly turning her heel and storming away. A single tear escaped from her right eye, but she quickly wiped it away before it could fall onto her cheek.
