Is it just me or is Callie the kind of person who you ask on a date and then kindly accepts and invites you over to her house, only to learn that by "date" she was thinking more like building the entire Death Star LEGO set together? Maybe that's just me, but I feel like she could definitely do that. For that reason, STOP SHIPPING HER ON WATTPAD! I never wanna read another Splatoon Wattpad EVER again.

"I've been wanting to say this for quite a while," sighed Marie as she let go of Pearl's arm.

"What is it?", Asked Agent 4.

"We are a []ing mess."

"What do you think, of course we're a mess!", said Agent 3. "Just look at me. I'm obsessed with goth fashion and my boyfriend didn't even know we were dating until last month. We were together for almost a year."

"Are you talking about me?", asked Agent 8. "Because I'm even more of a mess. I have the IQ of an adult genius, but I waste all of my time watching dumb cat videos."

"You're lucky you have IQ in the first place," Four remarked. "I'm a dumb farm kid who never even got an education until I was ten. When I did I quickly learned that I had several mental blocks that prevented me from working, so I began skipping classes to read mangas and drink spoiled milk."

"You think you're a mess?," scoffed Pearl. "Ha! I literally just own everything and don't do anything about my stuff because I forget about 'em."

"Yeah, well I decided to start a band with a complete stranger, who by the way was an adult when I was a kid," Marina smirked a little, then kept going. "For all know, Pearl could've been a child predator. Good thing she turned out to be the way she is…"

Pearl blushed and the two looked at each other really romantically.

"Aaaanyway, the murderer's in the cabin. We'll decide what to do once we are all doing something that isn't dumb."

Everyone went into the cabin, where the murderer was sitting in a corner tied up in what looked like a tangled mess of yarn, shoelaces, ropes, a USB, sparkly tape, and even liquorish.

"Congragulations, you're a criminal!", said Pearl.

"Poopy heads."

"No u."

"So, um, what's our plan now?", asked Eight.

"Call the cops, duh," muttered Three.

"We probably shouldn't JUST do that," his boyfriend(?) noted. "We're a secret society. Being found out would pretty much ruin our whole purpose. Not to mention being found out would also likely be HUGE news, since we have four celebrities and one star child, me, on this team, so, if we call the cops, we HAVE to make the call anonymous. I think you can hit star six seven so that a number won't come up. Try that."

"Okay I'll-"

"WAIT, don't do it! I almost forgot. We have the murderer right here. We're right here. The operator will probably ask for our location. What do we do?"

"We're screwed," Four sighed.

"I have an idea, actually," said Pearl, who almost never had good ideas.

"And that is…" Marie gestured for her to go on.

"Just find a place not a lot of people go and leave her there, then when making the anonymous call, say she was last seen there. Easy." She shrugged.

"I don't want to admit this, but you're idea is actually kind of smart," Marie whispered. Admitting that was hard. REALLY hard.

"Okay, so it's settled?", said Eight.

"Marie you drive," said Callie. Marie was the only one there who actually KNEW how to drive, so that decision was kinda obvious. Well, where Four grew up, everyone could drive by the time they were nine, but if she drove that would be both weird and illegal.

"Before you arrest me again," said Broomhilda. "I have one more thing to say."

"Make it quick," Marie grumbled.

"This is to Nice Kid.. I mean… what was you're name again WAIT don't answer I know this…" She paused and thought for a second. "Wait I remembered. Callie, right?"

"Yes…?"

"Okay wow I remembered. So proud of myself that I could get some money. Anyways, look in my handbag. There's something that belongs to you that I've forgotten to throw away, and I feel like now's a good time to bring it up."

Callie nodded and walked over to the corner of the cabin where the bag sitting in the corner of the cabin. She then paused.

"Wait how do I know there isn't a seeker bomb or something in here?"

"Just trust me okay?"

"Why should I trust you?"

"JUST LOOK IN THE BAG OR I'LL COMMIT ANOTHER CRIME."

Somewhat terrified, Callie quickly dumped the everything out of the bag and onto the floor. Out poured money, a gun filled with water, more money, some knives, even more money, and just one more thing: a knitted orange hat with some green yarn thingies sewn on to make it look like a pumpkin.

"Oh my god I remember that," said Marie, shocked. "You wore it everyday for six months in elementary school. It was always too big for you, but you insisted on wearing it anyway. And it never went through the wash."

Callie picked up the hat and stared at it for a few seconds. Shen then removed her star beanie to see if the pumpkin hat still fit. It did somehow, because that's how fiction works. Especially FAN-fiction. Hahahahahahahahahahahah stop.

"Don't ask, but uh, that hat smells like a gun," Marina quietly noted.

"What DOES a gun smell like?", wondered Three. "Not to mention, why would you know that?"

"You know these things when you spend the majority of your life as a child soldier."

"To be fair, I actually am kinda curious about this so called gun smell." Callie took the hat off and smelled it. She quickly put it in her backpack and put the star beanie back on, not saying a word.

"This was the hat you were wearing when you came home from school that one day. When you realized what was going on you pulled it over your face, and I brutally grabbed it from you. That's when you began crying HARD."

"Please… We remember," Marie muttered. "On that note, let's get this plan in action or something."

I just got roasted by Amino. Said I can't view a funny comment without an account. Damn you "accounts", I just wanted to look at a funny post about Agent 3. Also, why do I keep getting "503" errors on this site?

So basically they did the idea, and somehow Four managed to convince Marie she could drive. She was surprisingly good at it, especially for the youngest one in the group. However, she needed to sit on a book to reach the petals, but other than that she was good.

"Wait, uh, I don't know how to parallel park," said Four as they approached an abandoned alley.

"NO ONE CARES ABOUT PARALLEL PARKING IN A CRIME SCENE!", Three shouted. "Just pull over anywhere and continue with the plan. Not to mention, there isn't even anyone around here right now. Just keep going with the idea."

The idea continued. They left the murderer tied up in the corner of the abandoned alley and called star six seven 911 as they drove back to Octo Canyon. By the time they got there, Pearl and marina had both received a bunch of emails saying to cover the story of an anonymous call finding a murderer asap. With that, they apologized to the others and left, taking their son home along the way. Eventually everyone headed home.

OW, THE WRITER'S BLOCK. That's it. I'm gonna do some ironic forum writing on starmen dot net. To get out my stress. I'll see you when I'm done.

Okay I'm back. No one's posting anything on SM.N right now. Time for some more of the story. But in all seriousness, I need to find a way to keep this plot alive.

*Timeskip; sWoOsH*

*A three months later…*

It was a boring, average weekday for Ashira Adler, aka Agent 4 of the New Squid Beak Splatoon. It was raining, so no one could leave their apartments, or else they would die. She was pretty much stuck in her and her brother's apartment, and since her brother, Gideon, was out with friends and probably got stuck somewhere, she was alone until the rain stopped. Well, at least she thought she was.

bzz

Her phone began to buzz. It was probably that group chat. On rainy days, her friend Owen, aka Agent 8 of the New Squidbeak Splatoon, would love to share old poetry he found with the others on the chat. Some of them were beautiful. Some of them straight up made no sense. Bored, she decided to read this one.

"

I wrote this one ^o^

I tear through the streets like a sea snake

I sting and burn

I bring pain and suffering

I am the rain."

"Coolio."

"Wait, when?"

"You're supposed to make this a private message. Use the "at" symbol (it looks like this ) and write in the usernames of those you want to talk to.

Actually just text me privately. You don't need to do it on the big room."

Four shrugged and put her phone back down, and then fell asleep.

Author's Note: So anyway, if you've been reading this story for a while, you might have noticed I said I was working on an RPG in an earlier AN. Well, I am. So now, I'm taking the time to… give a blurb?! (this is rare info, by the way, unless ur on starmen dot net. If you are, ayo, it's me, "pio_dov"!)

Dov is a kid. April is also a kid. They're alive, but at different times. And there's a lot of anti-cliches. Infact, the game is entirely about anti-cliches. If that's your jam, you may or may not like it. Soooo, uh…

E.

Four woke up to arguing. She knew what that meant. The other NSS members had managed to get to her. Sigh.

"You said it was on a Wednesday!"

"Wednesday? I said it was a Friday! Did you even hear me?"

"If you knew the date, why would you even go with me?"

"I though this was going to be a 'get well soon' party or something."

"What would happen for that to be the case?"

"Uh, I don't know, SHE WOULD GET SICK?!"

Four grabbed a pillow and covered her face. The others stopped talking.

"I'm so sorry," said Marie, Agent 2 of the YOU GET THE POINT. "We tried to organize a surprise party for you, but we got into an argument again."

"Party..?" Four was confused.

"Did we seriously get the date wrong?"

"My birthday is in January. It's November. Also, about day of the week, this year it's coming on a Thursday."

"DAMMIT I WAS THINKING OF JUDD'S BIRTHDAY." Marie slammed her laptop onto her head and then quietly left the room without a word.

"That was uncalled for," Callie awkwardly noted.

"Will you shut up next door?!", Four's neighbor shouted.

"How did you guys even get here? It's pouring rain." Four was still in a little shock, but was curious nonetheless.

Pearl kissed her wife. "Rina hacked a respawn system so that if we walked into the rain we would respawn in the basement of your apartment building."

"The hell-"

"Well, I, for one, opposed the idea," said Toby, aka Agent 3 of the New Squidbeak Spoon.

"You never said you did," Eight murmered.

"Uhhh, yeah I did…" Three stuttered.

"Can you please get out of my room? This is really weird."

Marie walked back into the room, much more calmed down.

"Sorry about that. I know, I know. You told me your birthday a while ago. So, uh, it's raining outside and we're all crammed in your appartement. Anyone have anything to share?"

"WAIT." Four jolted up. "I just remembered something! I was meaning to tell you guys, but then it started raining, and I forgot to text you. Sorry."

"I am excited to hear what you have to say," Eight responded.

Four pointed to Marina. "I saw you on my toast this morning. This isn't even a joke. It cam out of the toaster, and I instantly thought it looked like you."

Marina didn't quite know how to respond to that.

"Come on, I show you guys! I kept it on the counter, since eating it seemed super disrespectful."

The others awkwardly followed Four to her kitchen, where a single piece of toast sat on a plate. Four picked the plate up and presented it to her friends. They looked at it. Indeed, the toast had a burn on it that looked like an exact silhouette of Marina. To make things even weirder, next to it was a burn that looked like an octopus. Three got the feeling that something was up with Four's toaster, but he didn't feel like saying anything.

"Well, that's one sexy piece of toast," Pearl noted.

"Uh...W-what the hell is going on with your toaster?" Marina questioned.

"I don't know," said Four. "I'm not the best with tech. Never heard of a toaster until I moved to the square. Growing up, my brothers and I made toast by crushing bread under heated sheets of scrap metal we found in the barnyard. My younger brother, Levi, caught tetanus once from doing that."

"I caught tetanus once!", Callie empathized. "When I was, like, ten or something someone accidentally bumped into me and knocked me into a rusty fence during soccer practice! I was in the hospital for two weeks."

"I wish I never heard half of this conversation," Three said with a sigh.

Just then, Four's older brother walked into the apartment.

"Hey, Ash, I'm- Holy crap. Is that, like, the big four?"

"Yes. Why? I just wanted to show them my piece of toast."

End of chapter. My Forlorn Junk Heap cosplay is going good, and the people I'm quarantining with are tired of me playing Wasteful Anthem while I work on it. If you don't know what that is, look it up on YouTube. By the way, if you didn't understand any of that, play the MOTHER games. This is not promotional. Peace.