Heeey I'm back sorry it's been so long. I've been… occupied.

(#) FreeSplatoon

The moths rolled by as January approached. Days grew shorter, nights grew colder, and Murch went on strike for having to always sit outside for his job, killing many, many sea snails. Agent 4 loved the fact that she just so happened to be Agent 4, the one who wears snow boots and a thick hoodie. This made any winter mission easy, but any summer mission painful. But it was December, so everything was chill.

On the other hand, Agent 8 hated the cold. For him, his outfit was tight, thin, and generally cold. He didn't even get headphones to cover his ears. Stupid air pods. Since the fall began getting to it's cold points, he'd been denying small missions unless he got to wear casual clothing for them. Fortunately, not many missions had been called lately. That was, until that morning.

Agent 3 got out of bed to his phone buzzing. He picked it up. A mission from Cuttlefish! He read it as fast as he could.

Dear Agents,

Life in a retirement home is great! There are so many other Great Turf War veterans here, and guess what? I'm not the only one with a secret society! I've made a friend by the name of Barney Bobtail. We've dug a secret base under the building, and I request that all of you meet Lieutenant Bobtail and his splatoon there at midnight in three days. In your hero outfits. Set notifications, or however you kids do it. See you there!

"Holy crap…" Three muttered at his phone.

"What is it?", Jay asked.

"The old guy just sent us on another mission. Not right now, but soon."

"Cool!" Jay hovered over his twin. "A retirement home? What's he doing?"

"I have no idea," Three muttered. "These missions are never good ideas."

"Can you invite me to the group chat? I'm getting to know the other guys well enough, right?"

"Sure I don't care. I can even request you join, if you want."

Jay got so excited he felt like squidpartying, but not in the presence of his brother. He ran into the bathroom just to squidbag in excitement. He then walked back to his brother. "Okay."

Meanwhile, Pearl was eager to meet more elderly army captains.

"I'm not sure they're all going to be like Captain Cuttlefish, Pearlie," Marina noted as she picked up their son's breakfast plate and put it in the dishwasher.

"But I hope they are. He's just so fresh."

"I guess you could put it that way," Eight added. "You guys may seem eager about this, but I don't want to wear my uniform in December."

"I guess you could wear your coat until you get there. I don't have a problem with it."

"Thanks Mother," Eight sighed.

Meanwhile meanwhile, Four was excited for another mission. Sure, she didn't want to meet another splatoon, but it was still a mission nonetheless. She set a reminder on her phone, then turned it off and began reading volume three of Inkopolis Ghoul, another one of her favorite mangas.

Last month when her brother had asked her why she knew the Squid Sisters and Off the Hook, she simply explained that Pearl and Marnina were her friend's parents, which was true, so she got away with that. No plot events needed.

After three days, three days had passed. Eight's parents had instructed him to stay up until midnight, which was the perfect thing to be told as a gamer. He threw on his headphones, powered his console on, and began to play a game called "Minecraft" that was apparently originally made by humans. And boy oh boy, was it addicting. He almost didn't want to get out of bed when midnight finally arrived. Well, he didn't. But after some persuading by his mom, he got up anyway, feeling lazy as hell.

"Yo Eight, it's time to go!"

"MOM SHUT UP I'M PLAYING MINECRAFT."

Pearl had never seen Eight talk like that since Octavio revealed his ancestry, or maybe even the fight against the Nils Statue. She left the room and began whispering to Marina, thinking about banning Minecraft the entire time they talked.

"Owen's playing Minecraft and doesn't wanna get up."

Marina did not look amused. "Owen! Listen to your mom!"

"But I'm playing…", Eight called back.

"Look, you're a secret agent and there's a mission you need to go on."

"Fine."

Eight flopped out of bed in octopus-form, changed into his uniform, threw a coat over it, and left the apartment with his parents to wait outside for the carpool to pick them up (Marie was driving; Four was banned from driving because it looked super suspicious having a kid drive them around).

The others had been waiting for them for a while. Four sat up sternly in the driver's seat. An unimpressed-looking Marie sat next to her, duct taped the shotgun seat, sighing.

"Wait, I thought you said she wasn't allowed to drive anymore," questioned Marina

"She forced me out of the driver's seat when we picked her up," Marie explained.

"Or course she did," Pearl muttered.

"Hi guys!", said Four.

"You said you're brother was coming with you, right Toby?, Eight asked.

Three, who was sitting in the third row, slowly let his head rise from below the seat in front of him. "He's right here. Say hi, Jay."

"Uh, hi?"

"Just get in the car," said Four. "We'll be driving shortly."

"Agent 4, get out of the driver's seat. I let you drive one stop, now-" Four slapped Marie in the arm and began driving.

The gang made their way to the retirement home. Callie and Eight loudly chanted A Hundred Bottles of Ink on the Wall the entire way. Halfway there they had to pull over for Pearl to vomit. By the end of the car ride, Marie looked like she wanted to murder someone.

Everyone got out of the car and walked into the building. They told the grouchy-looking crayfish at the front desk who they wanted to see, then began walking towards the room Cuttlefish told them he was at: Basement room 11. After walking down too many steps, they got to the room and knocked on the door.

"Who is it?"

"The New Squidbeak Splatoon."

"You guys are early. Come in."

The NSS awkwardly entered the room. Cap'n Cuttlefish was sitting on a neatly made bed and holding a somewhat large box. Another old squid was standing by a bed on the other side of the room. The other bed also had a box sitting on it.

"Good to see you, buckos!", said Cuttlefish. He pointed across the room. "That is Lieutenant Bobtail. You guys all introduce yourselves, but with your Agent names."

Jay raised his hand. "Uh, on that note… shouldn't I be signed the official Agent registration papers now that you're here?

"Of course!" The captain pulled a post-it out of his pocket. "Sign your name here and write down what sound a dolphin makes."

"Uh… Th-that's it?"

"Yes, that's it," Eight groaned. "I had to fill out a post-it on a train, which didn't work. I failed the dolphin part because I was on a moving train."

"I failed the dolphin part too," said Four. "That was because I didn't know what a dolphin was at the time. Marie let me pass anyway because she was desperate."

"YOU FAILED TO DOLPHIN?" Cuttlefish glared at Four.

"Yes, but I saved your granddaughter."

"You have a point. Anyway, Agent 3's brother, write your answers here."

He handed Jay the post-it, then read it.

Jamison Cartwright; click eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh

"Your form has been registered, Neo Agent 7. Now,let's wait for the other Splatoon to arrive before we introduce ourselves."

After a few minutes, another knock was knocked.

"Who is it?"

"The Bio-Luminati."

Pun off of Bio-luminescent and illuminati. Perfect name for another secret society of cephalopods.

"Come in."

Seven inklings, an octoling, and a salmonid (a Snatcher) walked in. Three of them appeared to be below 18, the other six looked like adults.

"You must be Captain Cuttlefish' splatoon," said one of the adults.

"That they are," said Cuttlefish. "Bio-Luminati, this is the New Squidbeak Splatoon. New Squidbeak Splatoon, this is the Bio-Luminati."

Bobtail cleared his throat to catch the others' attention. "We will now go in a circle and tell the others who we are and why we're here. Let's go first, and of us, I'll start." He cleared his thoat again. "I am Lieutenant Barney E. Bobtail. I was a spy during the Great Turf War when I was sixteen. I grew up, had kids, and when they became the right age, recruited them to a new spy society I had formed." He pointed to his left. "You go next."

"Yes father," said an inkling man. "My code name is 'Mitochondria'. I am the eldest son of Lieutenant Bobtail, having joined the Bio-Luminati at age thirteen. Since then I have completed over fifty spying missions, and even some fighting on occasion. Next, my lovely wife."

"My code name is 'Recycling Bin'," an inkling woman chimed. "As Mitochondria stated, I am his wife. I joined a bit after we had our son, and have been on several spying missions myself. Speaking of our son…"

A hypebeast-looking inkling boy rolled his eyes. "My code name is 'Saber'. My parents are both part of this, and I inherited my position and have done some spying stuff. Next."

"Next would be me," said a the Snatcher. "I go by 'Pomegranate' here. I was fed up with all the other salmon being weirdos, so when I met the Lieutenant, I found the perfect opportunity. I'm now an infiltrator of their army. I'm guessing you're next," he said, pointing his flipper at a squid next to him.

"I'm 'Parking Lot', or, my code name is, at least," said another inkling man. "I am the younger son of Lieutenant Bobtail. I joined when I was eleven, and have done pretty much all the same missions as my brother. I think we get the drill."

"Hey guys, they call me 'Coronavirus'," said an inkling woman. The mention of such respiratory illnesses gave Marina an uneasy feeling, but she ignored it and continued to focus her attention on the other group. "When I was seventeen I encountered Bobtail and some others acting suspicious at a local coffee shop. I had began to spy on them for a while until they found out. Bobtail was impressed by my skills and recruited me."

"Hello other team! My spy nickname thingy is 'Cello'," said an octoling girl around Three and Neo Seven's age, maybe a year younger. "Some years ago I was freed from the Octarian army by a super epic-sounding song. After sneaking out of Octo Valley, I met Mitochondria, Parking Lot, and Recycling Bin on a mission, and I asked if I could join the team and infiltrate the Octarians, much similar to what Pomegranate does."

"I'm next," sighed another inkling man. "My code name is 'Investment Plan'. I used to work at the same law firm as Bobtail, before he retired. While at the same job, I accidentally read some of his text messages and found out about the Bio-Luminati. When the Lieutenant retired, I took his place in checking for suspicious behavior from the firm."

"And finally of this organization, I'm 'Wifi'. Nice to meetcha, New Squibeak Splatoon", smirked an inkling boy. "I'm friends with Saber at school, and because we're such close friends, he invited me to join a year or so ago. We complete a lot of stuff together since we get along so well. Now, it's time for you guys to introduce yourselves and what you do, right?"

"Indeed, bucko!", said Cuttlefish. "We are the New Squidbeak Splatoon, a secret organization of heroes who fight off evil armies, escape parrell, help an ally in need, and save the world. We also have movie nights every now and then. I am Cap'n Cuttlefish, leader of these heroic group began when-"

"Gramps, NO," Marie quickly cut him off, much to Callie's relief. "Skip the details. Please."

"If you insist. Skipping the details as recommended, I started it around ten years ago when my granddaughter had begun to live with me. Now you may be wondering why I recruited my grandchildren and not my children? Well, I do have two sons, but one is dead and the other's an asshole. Now that that's aside, my Agents will now introduce themselves, starting with the first one."

"Hi, I'm Agent 1! As my gramps explained, he recruited me, and pretty much started this whole thing when I moved in with him. I've helped out in a lot of minor battles against the Octarian army, as well as a few major ones. I even got hypnotized by them at one point. That was fun. Anyway, pretty much everything I do is with my awesome cousin."

Marie came to a harsh realization that she would likely never say that sentence and then felt super guilty, but went along anyway. "I'm Agent 2. When I was eight or something, my cousin accidentally hit me with a bug net, which somehow reminded her that our grandfather wanted to see me. Some stuff happened, and I eventually joined her in the NSS. I've done a lot of cool stuff, some of which will likely be elaborated on later."

Three was looking edgy as usual and barely realized that it was his turn. Four gave him a nudge, making him realize what he had to do. "Hey. I'm Agent 3 or whatever. Some b*tches stole the Great Zapfish once and Cuttlefish dragged me into a hole and was like 'save it'. So I did."

"Actually, I'd say that only one of them was a real b*tch," Four commented before going. "And when we say he is, he is. I'm Agent 4. I joined this thingy when I saw Agent 2 standing in a corner and looking sad, so I followed her into a hole in attempt to make her un-sad. Then I went on an adventure and saved some stuff. Eventually I beat the crap out of the b*tch and saved some more important stuff."

"I am Agent 8," said Eight, trying not to laugh at the others describing Octavio. "I used to work for that b*tch, until I heard some epic music and got into a giant fight with Agent 3. Soon as I know, I wake up at a subway station with Cuttlefish staring at me. I became an agent, went on a zombie killing spree, got into some serious financial dept, and saved the world."

Pearl had just come to two realizations. One was that she out of all people would have to be the one to explain that there were three spots that were only filled because there was a weird gap. The other was that her intro probably wouldn't allow her to mention Octavio and call him the name everyone else was calling him. She sighed and began talking. "Ayo, my number is five, but most people here call me by the code name MC Princess. When Eight got trapped in evil train land, I helped him out of his financial crisis and eventually delivered a final blow to the thing that was destroying the world. That's not very significant, but there were three awkward empty spots between Four and my son."

"You mean our son," Marina replied to her wife. "I'm the other mother of Agent 8. As my wife has stated, there was an awkward gap, and while she became Five, I became Six, though a better code name that I go by is DJ_Hyperfresh. When our son was trapped in the metro, I used advanced hacking taught to me by the army of the b*tch, as everyone else is calling him." Marina cringed for saying such an inappropriate word.

"And finally," said Cuttlefish. "Our newest member, who joined just today: Neo Agent 7. We don't want to talk about the original Agent 7."

"Hey guys, I'm, well, he just introduced me. I use to be the apprentice of the original Agent 7, until there were some circumstances that caused him to leave. He was the team weapon guy, so now I'm the team weapon guy. I'm also Agent 3's brother."

"Now that everyone has told the others who they are…" Bobtail moved a couch out of the way, revealing a secret tunnel. "We shall converse down here."