Um, this is a bit out of the box for me, so let me know what you think?
Everyone always tells me that anyone who isn't a Grey and a surgeon, is irrelevant. And although it's not nice, it's not necessarily a lie either. Which is why, as the youngest grey, I became a pediatric surgeon. Technically I'm still a resident, but I'm on the way to becoming one.
I'm two years younger than Lexie, and eight years younger than Meredith. Technically I'm Meredith's half sister, but sometimes I'm more like her than Lexie.
Unlike literally everyone at Seattle Grace, I'm not dating anyone, and have not dated anyone in the hospital. And anyway, how could I compete with MerDer and Slexie?
This story starts on the worst day of my life. The day I lost my sister.
'Mer? Have you seen my purple shirt? I need it!'
'Look, Y/N, I have a freaking plane to catch! I don't have time for this!'
'AHA! I found it!'
'Well done!'
As I walked down the stairs, putting my shoes on, I noticed Lexie wasn't here.
'Where's Lexie?'
'Probably trying to figure out her guy problems. You sure you can look after Zola while I'm gone?'
'Couldn't be more sure. I'm gonna have so much fun today!'
Today was the first day in weeks that I had had a day off. Not only was I going to nap, but I didn't have to be stressed about people dying all around me. For once, somebody else's life wasn't in my hands.
'Hey, Y/N? Can you go up and see if Lexie is ready to go? We need to leave soon.'
I ran up the stairs, missing one at the top. I saw Lexie packing her bag, and she had a solemn look on her face.
'Lex?'
She spun around, eyes wide. She obviously didn't hear me coming up the stairs to the attic.
'Oh, hi Y/N. Mer want to know if I'm ready to go?'
'Yeah, but that can wait. What's wrong?'
She turned back around, twisting the shirt in her hands around her fingers.
'I don't know, Mark? I told him I loved him a while ago and he hasn't 'gotten back to me about it'. And I just have a bad feeling in the bottom of my stomach. But I shouldn't be burdening you with this. You're the little one, you're supposed to be monologuing to me.'
'It's fine. I love talking with you. Don't tell mer, but you might be my favourite sister. Now there's my favourite smile on the planet. Now get downstairs before Meredith kicks both our asses.'
After waving goodbye, the rest of the day just consisted of playing with Zola. Then sleeping with her. Then going potty with her. And then repeating the whole thing again.
It was getting close to six when I got the phone call. Zola and I were watching TV when my phone rang. I assumed it was Mer, Lexie or Derek to say that they were back, but when I saw Owen's name on my screen my blood ran cold. It didn't necessarily mean anything, but I had an awful feeling.
'Owen?'
'Y/N? Look, I don't want you to freak out. But they never arrived in Boise. They think it's most likely a crash.'
Everything he said said the word crash, I zoned out. My head was spinning and I felt like I was going to throw up. I saw Zola on the floor smiling at me, having not even the fainted idea that something was wrong. What would happen to her if both her parents were dead? Are they ok? No, they can sort this out. They are trained doctors. They can do this. They'll be fine. I picked the phone off the floor, putting it back up to my ear.
'Owen?'
'Y/N? My god. You gave me a heart attack. Are you ok? Do you want me to send somebody over?'
'I'm fine. Just needed to compose myself. Actually some company would be really nice.'
'Ok, we will keep you updated.'
'Thank you.'
After about half an hour of trying to distract myself, I finally broke down. I had put Zola down to bed 10 minutes ago, therefore not finding many other distractions. I screamed and threw things, before sinking down to the ground. I felt helpless. Like I had been stabbed and I was bleeding out alone. I suddenly felt arms around me, pulling me to their chest. I tried to pull away until I heard Jackson whisper in my ear that it was going to be okay. Then I let myself fall back into his arms, whimpering in pain.
'Whenever you're ready to get up, I'll be right here to help you, okay? I know it hurts, I know, I know.' He cooed into my hair, while I sobbed until I couldn't anymore.
'I can't do this.' I wailed.
'Do what Y/N/N?'
'The waiting. I feel so alone. Whenever something bad has happened I've always had at least one of my sisters. I feel so damn helpless and alone.'
'It's okay. If you need to cry I'll be here with you. Scream, break stuff? Right by your side. I've already called Bailey to take Zola, so don't worry. And you're not alone, I'm staying with you till they come back. And they will. They'll be fine. I promise.'
'You can't promise me that.'
'No, I can't. But I am, because you need it.'
'Okay.'
I fell asleep on the floor, too exhausted to event try and get up. But when I woke up, I was in my bed, Jackson sleeping next to me, gently rubbing my arm. I spent the majority of the next 3 days in my bed Jackson only leaving my side to get food or go to the bathroom. On the third day, my phone rang and Jackson picked it up.
'Hello? Owen? Oh my god. We will be right over. Yep. Got it. See you soon.'
I was already upright in bed. His face was already saying everything.
'They found them?'
'Yeah, lets go!'
I was already running down the stairs and into his car, knowing full well that I was in no state to drive.
When we got to the hospital I was already running towards the ICU unit, Jackson signing us in. When Owen grabbed my shoulders he told me to sit down and he'd give me the rundown.
'Meredith, minor leg and head injuries. Derek, hand shattered. Cristina, dislocated shoulder, and probably some mental stuff but we will cross that bridge when we come to it. Arizona, open fracture in her leg, shattered. Mark had a cardiac tamponade, and probably has some other heart problems.'
'And Lexie?'
He shook his head, confirming my worst fears. My sister's dead.
'What? No. You must be wrong. No, you have to be wrong. YOU MADE A MISTAKE! LEXIE IS NOT DEAD!'
I felt Jackson grab my arms and push me down back into the chair. To be honest I don't remember getting up. I wasn't fully aware of what was happening. I was so tired of losing people. But my sister? That's a line I couldn't cross. The sweetest of the Grey sisters. My sister. I'm never going to see my sister again. And I couldn't comprehend that. Not today. Not ever.
When I woke up, I was in a hospital bed. I assumed that I had been sedated, because I couldn't remember being hurt or sick. When I opened my eyes Meredith and Jackson were on either sides of my bed, both asleep. My throat was dry and my eyes stung. Judging from the amount of exhaustion I still felt, I had not been asleep for more than a day. I honestly didn't want to wake either of them up, they were probably going to have to take care of me after all of this.
It was moments like this where I longed for my mother to be here. She would comfort me in a way that no one could. And the only person who came even close to that was Lexie. Who wasn't here either. I slowly feel back asleep, tired of feeling the agony in my chest.
I woke up in a bright, white room. I was in a bright red dress, flowy, like it was made to go to a summer barbeque. The room wasn't big, but not small enough to feel claustrophobic in it. After waiting around for something to happen, I decided to see if there were any doors. I finally found a knob, white, so it blended in perfectly with the wall. I twisted it and pulled the door open. When it opened I was caught off guard at the sight of Lexie, grinning at me.
'Lexie? Is that really you?'
'I don't know, is that really you?'
I smiled and pulled her into a hug.
'Where have you been? I've missed you.'
'I have some important stuff I have to do. And I miss you too. More than you can imagine.'
'This isn't real, is it?'
'We can pretend. Like we did all those times when we were little.'
'Lexie, I don't think I can do this without you. I don't want to.'
'Honey, I know. But you have to try. I am here. Always. I'm never gonna leave you. And you are allowed to wallow for a while. You are allowed to feel sad and break down and see the glass half empty. But you have to promise me you will pick yourself back up. That you'll let people look after you and not feel the pain alone. Because I know how good you are at hiding your feelings. Let yourself be happy. Do it because I can't be down there and do it for you. Bubs, I wish more than anything that I could be down there and feel everything for you. But I can't, so you're gonna go down there and try. You are going to try your hardest. Just promise me that.'
'I promise.'
'Okay, I don't have much time, is there anything else you need to say?'
'I love you. I love you so much.'
'I love you too. I'm always gonna love you.'
I woke up with a start, Jackson leaning against the door frame.
'You okay? You took quite a beating back there.'
'I'm better. I just might need some support for a while.'
'That's ok, I expected as much. You can get cleared this evening, although it took some convincing to not get you sent to psych.'
'I honestly can't tell if that was a joke or not.'
He winked at me and came to sit on the chair next to my bed.
'You know you're not alone, right?'
'I'll be okay, Jackson. I know you're worried. I just need some time, you know?'
'I know. I just...I don't know. I don't quite know how to be there for you.'
'That's ok. I think we are all swimming through unventured waters. Where's Mer?'
'She's taking shifts between you and Derek, you want me to get her for you?'
'Yeah, that would be great, thank you.'
When Meredith walked in, the first thing I noticed were the dark bags under her eyes. I'm ashamed to admit that when I was first given the news I'd completely forgotten that Meredith had lost her sister too. And she was probably there when it happened. So I decided to make it my priority to look after her, because of all the times she'd taken care of me.
'Hey, Mer. How are you?'
'Hanging in there. How about you, baby bear?'
That nickname had emerged when Lexie and I first met Meredith. We were young and she didn't like either of us, but deep down she was just as excited to have two little sisters. So, I became Baby Bear, Mer was Big bear and Lexie was just Bear.
'Is it too soon to ask what happened? I won't freak out again, I promise.'
'You really wanna know? She was in the back of the plane, and as we spiralled towards the ground, it ripped off.'
I winced, knowing the rest of the story would hurt me more than I wanted it to.
'We didn't find her for a good 15 minutes. She had a massive hemothorax in her chest, she couldn't feel her second arm and her pelvis was crushed. She was stuck under tons of metal and we couldn't get her out. I..I left her under there. We couldn't find Derek and she was awake and responsive. Y/N…'
'Was she alone?'
'Y/N, I'm really sorry…'
'Meredith, did you leave her alone?'
'No, when I left she had Cristina and Mark. Cristina came to find me and told me it wasn't good. We didn't get back in time.'
'I just...I didn't want her to die alone and scared, you know? I know she can...I know she could get all panicky and stressed, and I just wish I was there to hold her hand. Did anybody tell her it was okay? Did anybody tell her that I loved her? I just didn't want her to die alone in the middle of a forest, cold and terrified. I don't know how to do this without her, Mer. It hasn't even been 24 hours, how am I supposed to go on the rest of my life without her? She's always been by my side since the day I was born. What am I gonna do?'
'You're gonna rise from this. That's what you're gonna do. Because that's what she would have wanted you to do.'
'Can you come into bed and hold me? That's what she did after Mom died.'
'Sure, scoot over a little bit.'
She slid into the small hospital bed and held me while we both quietly wept, crying for our dead sister.
Have a good day!
Izzie xx
