I am not a friendly person; I don't smile at strangers on the street; I avoid eye contact if at all possible and I have had only one true friend my entire life. That's not to say that I'm mean. I can be polite and respectful when the situation calls for it. However, when you put me next to a bubbly, incredibly personable woman like Usagi I look like the rudest, most closed-off person in the world.

Usagi and I used to rub each other the wrong way but I have always envied her ability to just be happy and positive. Even when she's having a bad day, or a jerk like me teases her, she is still genuinely nice.

Which is why it's so frustrating to be in love with her.

Having known her since she was 14 years old I obviously wasn't always attracted to her. I mean I thought of her as a kid sister for the first few years that we knew each other. We would rarely even talk to each other outside of the teasing and mocking back in those days.

And it wasn't like one day I suddenly looked at her and realized that she was gorgeous and that I loved her. It came on gradually. Our time in each other's presence increased when she was in high school and I was in college but even then I only acknowledged that she was attractive and maturing into an interesting adult. Sometimes, when I would go to the arcade to have a coffee and a chat with Motoki I would carve out some time to talk to Usagi. Just to see how she was doing and what was going on in her life.

Those seemingly inconsequential chats soon grew into full conversations and occasionally a confession. I would impart little details about my childhood, life as an orphan and the random college anecdote. She would divulge how much effort it took her to bring her grades up, which classes she needed in order to be on track for a college scholarship, her hesitation in confessing to her parents that she wanted to study art instead of business.

I don't even remember when we exchanged phone numbers, just that one day she texted me to see if I wanted to meet her at the arcade for a coffee/milkshake. And suddenly we were hanging out without the buffer of Motoki and the arcade. We would go get sushi or her beloved bubble tea and just walk and talk.

And here we are, almost 6 years into our knowing each other and I have no idea how to simply ask her out. Yeah, okay, we've "gone out" plenty of times, and she's not the only one asking but I don't know how to transition from friends on a platonic date to "on a date."

She and I have both dated during our friendship but nobody has ever been as comfortable and warm as Usagi. Nobody else has just felt like home to me. I've dated several women but they all leave fairly early on, nobody else is able to break through my walls. Most of my exes say that my "dark and brooding personality", which attracted them in the beginning, was impossible to overcome and, "Why can't you just lighten up for once?"

How can I tell them that I don't want to? I don't want them to know about my past. I don't want them to know that only 2 people in my entire life have ever gotten me to open up in any capacity. I don't want them to know that I am coward enough that I can't even ask out one of my best friends… one of my only friends.

Not to mention that she's all that I find attractive now. No other woman can compare. Whenever I contemplate dating another woman there is the inevitable comparison to Usagi.

Usa's hair, Usa's laugh, Usa's overall joy of life shining in her eyes.

The last woman I dated was the biggest shame of my life. Never had I ever imagined another face while kissing, another body underneath me, another pair of hazy eyes gazing at me in the morning. That's when I knew that I had to end it. I couldn't do that to Saori, nor any woman. I couldn't do that to Usa. I couldn't do that to myself ever again.

The heartbreaking disappointment that I felt when I woke up to brown hair instead of blonde draped over my pillow was devastating. I broke it off with Saori the next day. I felt terrible. I wasn't a cruel man willing to use any body for pleasure while imaging another.

Nobody knows of my shameful moments but I know that those will be the only ones. But that was also the day that I decided to do something about it. I would finally ask Usa out. Little did I know what life had in store for me.

It was a Tuesday, just a normal Tuesday. That was the day that everything changed.

Usa had texted me to see if I wanted to get together for dinner at our usual sushi place just down the street from my apartment. I agreed but informed her that I would be a little late due to my busy med school schedule. I got a drool emoji and an "I'll try to leave you something," in response. It was something to look forward to all day long.

I was exhausted but couldn't wait to see Usa's smiling face. Rushing into the restaurant I headed to our usual table and was pleased to see that there was plenty of food to fill my empty stomach.

As I slid into the seat across from her she exclaimed,"Mamo! The second round just got here!" I couldn't help but laugh, at least she had ordered another round. Immediately Usa was regaling me with a story about her day and how her parents were encouraging her to go out more, maybe even participate in a goukon. I did not like hearing that her parents are trying to encourage her to find someone to seriously date so I continued to shove food in my mouth and merely nodded.

I was digging into my dessert when I realized that Usa had gone quiet. I made a point of putting my utensil down and giving her my full attention. And suddenly she dropped the bomb on me.

"Mamo, are you ever going to ask me out?" Her big blue eyes gazed at me from across the table, her head tilted slightly to the side in an adorable questioning manner.

Um, WHAT?

I choked on nothing, readily accepted the glass of water from Usa and guzzled some down.

"Usa, w-what?" My brain wouldn't work. Did she just say…? I just stared at her. This girl that I'm in love with who just asked if I was planning on asking her out.

"I… y-yes! I mean I…" I am not the most eloquent of people under duress, as it turns out.

She smiled that million-watt smile at me and said, "Oh Mamo-chan, you are not the most eloquent person sometimes. But that's okay, I love you anyways." And suddenly she was getting out of her seat and sliding into the booth next to me. And under the table she slipped her cool little hand into mine.

In lieu of finding the right words I curled my fingers around hers and laughed. Never in my life had a felt such pure unadulterated joy as I did in that moment.

It turned out that my beautiful Usako had been in love with me for awhile now and was quite certain that her feelings were reciprocated. Apparently, I am more transparent than I thought.

When I asked her how she knew she merely said, "You're not as dark and mysterious as you want people to believe. I know you Mamo-chan, I know you."

So after our first date, when I kissed her goodnight for the first time, I realized something. I may not be the friendliest person and maybe I don't have a plethora of friends but I have the love of my life in my arms and she understands me in a way that nobody else ever will.

And you know what? I'm okay with that.

THE END