BOOK TWO
For nothing is evil in the beginning.
J.R.R. Tolkien
6.) Woke Up Alone
All human actions have one or more of these seven causes:
chance, nature, compulsions, habit, reason, passion, desire.
- Aristotle
MAKOTO
"Have you talked to her yet?" Usagi asked, settling into the seat across from me. Her eyes showed the same pain that I was feeling... probably what all of us were feeling.
"No. Not yet." I replied, pulling my coffee towards me; idly running my thumb along the rim.
"She hasn't answered her cell or the texts we've sent." Ami added from beside me where she was curled in corner of the booth. It wasn't often that we managed to get together like this but the lull between Christmas day and New Years made it easier.
"And what about Minako? Do either of you know if she's talked to Rei?" Usagi questioned, the fretful undertone making me anxious. I tried to let the happy chatter of the coffee shop steady me.
"She's probably still getting the cold shoulder. Rei probably needs time to adjust before talking to Minako again... and the current situation would only make that worse. Rei's never been good at processing emotions." Ami pointed out softly, frowning down at her mug of tea. I reached over, draping my arm across her shoulders, feeling relief when she leaned into my side.
"How about Michiru and Haruka? Have they heard anything?" Mamoru asked from where he was slumped next to Usagi. I shook my head.
"They don't know anything more than we do – or if they do, they're playing it pretty close to the chest." I admitted, still a bit disappointed over that. I was accustomed to Rei being more open with Michiru than anyone else... and if even she didn't know anything well, that was concerning. I sighed, Ami leaned into my side relieving some of the sorrow I was feeling. "I guess we'll just have to keep up with the news, whatever happens will make the papers."
"Yeah: business section or the obituaries." Mamoru agreed, the frown on his face deepening. Ami nodded, her brow knit in concern for our friend.
"All we can do is be there for her." Usagi commented, the reassurance in her voice sounding a bit forced like she didn't really believe it would be enough.
"As much as she lets us anyway." Mamoru added, a sliver of humour beginning to eat away at his mood. I found my expression easing into a faint smile.
"Honestly, we might have to break into her apartment." I agreed, only half joking.
"You wouldn't have to." Ami corrected with a roll of her eyes, seeming exasperated with the two of us. Then she looked over at me, a hint of sly humour in her gaze. "I still have her spare set of keys."
I grinned at her.
"Perfect. I'll run some food over to her place later then. The idiot never eats properly."
"So she can deal with a fridge full of rotting food on top of everything else?" Ami asked dryly.
"We can swing by every couple of days, clear out whatever she doesn't eat." Usagi pointed out, nudging my leg with her foot and giving me a smile. "Even if she isn't up to dealing with us we can still show that we care, she has a strict schedule so if we need to... we can avoid running into her. Give her the space she wants."
We shared a smile before Mamoru cleared his throat awkwardly.
"I hate to bring this up now but did Luna ever end up meeting with Rei to talk about the... situation?" He asked, his voice lowering slightly as he tried to stop anyone else from overhearing the conversation that was about to happen. Usagi looked away from him.
"I don't think so." She admitted. "I... I told her what happened, that Masaru was in the hospital, and she said she'd give Rei all the time she needed. I thought the rest of us could try and take care of whatever this is without her. At least for a while."
"And why don't you sound happier about that?" Mamoru asked with a frown.
"Rei's never really... liked her, I don't think she'll be happy about Luna knowing about her personal life." Usagi explained. Mamoru made a noise of understanding.
"You feel like you betrayed her."
"That too." She allowed, letting her shoulders slump. "I don't like the idea of keeping this from her, even if it's for her own good. We're... we're better as a team and I feel selfish for wanting her with us."
"She'll understand, you know that." Ami assured her with an oddly conflicted look. I knew better than to ask about it though, I'd just file it away until later. "Until then all we can do is support each other."
"Support each other and figure out how the hell to ease Rei into this." I muttered.
"Ease Rei into what?" Minako asked as she finally joined us. "Sorry I'm late, the traffic was horrendous and Kunzite's shit at parking."
"The whole 'we have the glorious privilege of fighting evil again' thing." I replied, glancing at the door to the coffee shop curiously. "And you didn't bring him with you, did you?"
"Kunzite? No, of course not. He had a last minute business meeting to attend to." She rolled her eyes at the idiocy of the question as she pulled a chair up to the table. I nudged her usual order towards her as she sat down, knowing that she'd launch right into the conversation with barely a hello. "So Luna didn't get in contact with her then?"
Mamoru shrugged, sharing a glance with me.
"We decided that she should take some time." I explained, recapping the conversation she missed. Minako nodded like this was exactly the answer she expected.
"So we'll have time to figure out some way to explain this to her?" Minako mused, seeming to be saying it more for her benefit than for our own.
"I'm honestly still a bit hazy on why you'd need to ease Rei into this..." Mamoru admitted. The rest of us shared a glance and after a second of silent communication Usagi spoke up.
"Well, Rei's always been evasive about what she remembers. There have been times where we've been talking about the past and she gets this look on her face... like it's her first time hearing it. Most of this was years ago but..." Usagi's voice trailed off slightly as she fumbled with how to describe what we'd seen.
"We've all had very clear memories of certain... milestones, I suppose you could call them, and Rei doesn't seem to remember them the way we do. If at all. The few times she's spoken about the past – well, Ami noticed that it's more like she pieced it together from what we've told her rather than something she experienced. She's good at hiding it but over the years its become pretty obvious she doesn't actually remember anything." I explained when Usagi's attempts to continue the explanation devolved into vague hand gestures and annoyed noises.
"So... what are you thinking?" Mamoru prodded, leaning across the table as he met Ami's gaze squarely.
"I've had a theory for a while... our memories are what made us take up the fight in one way or another, Usagi told me it was the same for you. We all joined because we remembered each other. Rei wasn't like that. I mean, you were there the first time she got involved." Ami continued, picking up where I left off.
"Yeah, she jumped right in. No hesitation. Nearly got gored saving you, it certainly wasn't your most heroic introduction." Mamoru chuckled, with a slight nod in Minako's direction. She threw her napkin at him as he grinned.
"Exactly." Was all Ami said, I gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. It was her first time voicing her concerns to a group this large. She'd already seen Minako's reaction and it wasn't an altogether pleasant one.
"Sorry, you've lost me." Mamoru admitted, the frown back on his face as he stopped teasing Minako. The smile had faded from Minako's face as well, her expression calm and calculating; transforming her into the leader I knew from our younger days. Except this time we didn't have Rei as a counter balance.
"I think that maybe Rei didn't need her memories to get her involved. She didn't need to remember us to fight. To do what was right... And so she didn't get them back." Ami told him, the careful front she was trying to portray had some very noticeable flaws, as much as she wanted to believe what she was saying some part of her brain wouldn't let her.
"Well, at least we hope it's that." Minako muttered, scowling down at the cup in her hands. The whole situation just felt wrong, it was the one thing we all agreed on. We just couldn't put our finger on what about it bothered us. I'd known that Ami and Minako had talked about this but it was becoming evident that it was still a sore spot between them. Even despite all the time that had passed.
"What's this dreaded second option?" Mamoru asked warily, instinctively positioning his body around Usagi.
"Ami thinks that she came back wrong." Minako explained with a startling lack of finesse.
"That is not what I said." Ami exclaimed, her voice furious. I rubbed her knee beneath the table, hoping that the weight of my other arm around her shoulders would prevent her from rising from her seat and causing a scene. We really did not want to draw the attention of the rest of the patrons.
"It still ends up with the same result, no matter how you word it." Minako asserted, her voice cool as she and Ami glared at each other.
"Why am I just finding out about this? If you think..." Mamoru's ire was clearly beginning to rise to the surface. He took Usagi's protection very seriously and probably didn't like the fact that he had failed to see something that could have an impact.
"Because we were only just piecing it all together when the activity died down... there was no reason to pursue it or cause undue worry until now. But now, we need to come up with a solution." Minako explained, stopping him from following that line of thought any further. Ami remained silent, clearly fuming to herself. I rubbed a hand along my jaw, trying to figure out what to say.
"Minako, it's obvious that you don't like the possible explanation Ami came up with but you do have to consider the fact she could be right." Usagi pointed out softly, reaching across the table and settling her hand over Minako's. "You and Rei have always been... close. And I know how much you care for her. We all care for her but none of us knew her the way you did. You two were inseparable and I know you don't want to consider the fact that..."
"Rei didn't come back wrong." Minako responded vehemently, the quiet whisper of her words coming out with all the weight of a scream. I did my best not to react to the way the cutlery in front of her was warping in on itself – she didn't even seem to realize what she was doing.
"That's not what they're saying." I corrected, doing my best to soothe her as I met her gaze as calmly as I could. It was taking everything I had not to react to the heightened state of her emotions, the tension in her was intense. "Ami's just concerned that maybe Rei isn't ready to remember. The memories can be traumatic, I mean, you remember the nightmares..."
"And her death wasn't exactly... peaceful." Mamoru mumbled as he ran through that particular memory, his body finally relaxed it's protective posturing instead fading into understanding and acceptance. Neither he nor Usagi seemed to react to Minako's power usage at all, either they remained oblivious or they trusted her more than I did where Rei was concerned. I liked Minako, you really couldn't help that, but I knew she and Rei made each other increasingly idiotic. So yeah, I didn't really trust either of them when the other was involved – they were both emotionally compromised. And were too blind to see it. "So you're thinking she blocked them to protect herself?"
"Or something like that. Maybe it's to protect us? I don't know. Either she doesn't remember and those memories need to surface in their own time or she remembers and is trying not to... either way; we shouldn't push her." Ami told him, her knuckles were still white as she gripped her mug of tea. I shot Minako the most subtle glare I could manage.
"What you're saying is getting her back into this needs to be done carefully?" Mamoru prompted, his brow furrowed as he considered the possible stress his friend could be under. When Minako gave a half-hearted shrug, Ami's jaw clenched before she gave a curt nod.
Mamoru leaned back in his seat, his change of posture jostling the table slightly – the metallic ring of cutlery echoing around us.
"So we do it gently. Talk to her about what we need to do before hand... before there's even the chance of her encountering any potential triggers. If she's not ready to remember, we respect that. Don't push her into anything, she'll come around. She's never let us down before and she won't start now." His tone rang with conviction, fierce loyalty and care echoed through his words.
I sighed, leaning back in my seat. It felt good to have someone say it in simple terms. As much as I loved her, Ami could come off as a bit clinical... and Minako was too close to the situation to remain impartial. It would have wound up in a fight if he hadn't stepped in. Ami and I both looked away as Minako reached out and smoothed the metal she'd twisted out of shape.
KUNZITE
I settled in at the bar to wait for Rei despite knowing that she'd probably spent far too much time in bars and clubs but there weren't a lot of options available – most of the local businesses I frequented had closed their doors to allow their employees take time off during Christmas and the lull until New Years Eve.
So I simply found the smallest emptiest hole in the wall bar around and waited, knowing full well I was lucky that Rei still made time to see me with everything else going on. The situation with her father had eventually made its way to me through Minako and the others. But Rei didn't disappoint; showing up exactly on time, throwing herself down on the stool next to me.
"What the fuck do you want Kunzite?" She asked, her voice sounding more exhausted than angry. I could see the underlying tension and stress, and couldn't really understand why she was meeting with me. I was starting to think that maybe I should just tell her to go home and sleep instead. "Because I am not in the mood for any bullshit."
"Well hello to you too." I greeted, the words were out of my mouth before I could stop them and I inwardly cringed at the tone in my voice. It would probably be seen as overly familiar, I had a bad habit of teasing people I liked.
We might have been on opposite sides in the past life but I'd respected her. And now, knowing she was the only one with whom I could speak plainly... I realized that I'd enjoyed her company. But considering the circumstances she probably would not appreciate that. She had enough on her plate at the moment without adding my lack of propriety to that.
I gave a bit of a sigh, staring down into my glass of water – wondering if maybe it wasn't too early for alcohol. I gave up and ordered a real drink. I could feel Rei's impatience rising as she waited for the bartender to finish his task and leave us in privacy again, shaking her head roughly when asked if she wanted anything.
"Just get to the point." She told me, rolling her eyes as he walked away.
"I wanted to talk." I told her, then couldn't really find the words to express just what it was I was feeling.
"So I gathered." Rei commented dryly, a hint of a smile on her face. Something in my chest lightened at that, making me realize that maybe she had kept our meeting to distract herself. Maybe this was helping her – giving her some room to breathe.
"I wanted to ask how you were coping with this." I admitted, then realized how the question might have sounded... more like I was trying to invade her privacy and less like I wanted her advice. I could already see her preparing to tell me to mind my own damn business. "What I mean to say is I've got no clue how to deal with all these conflicting thoughts and memories in my head."
"What do you mean?" She asked after a moment, then considered her words and continued. "Specifically."
"I mean, how can I love two people at the same time? I see Minako and everything seems to make sense... all this bullshit seems to fall away. But at the same time I know I'm lying to her and myself but it..."
"Makes you happy. And it makes her happy." Rei completed then tapped her fingers against the bar top thoughtfully. "And the other person?"
"Doesn't remember anything about me. Not the real me anyway. And I don't feel like I have any right to drag him away from his happiness, I don't want to force him to remember." I continued, trying my hardest to verbalize what I was thinking. Then I looked over at her. "It's like strangers are wearing my friends faces.. and yet they're also somehow my friends? I – I don't understand it. I know they're happy, incredibly happy... Almost scarily so; they're living the life they've always dreamed of. And I just wanted to know how you were able to deal with this without going crazy? Because I could really use some help right about now."
"You came to me for advice?" Rei asked almost incredulously, looking almost ready to laugh in my face. "I thought it was pretty clear the other night that I wasn't fucking dealing with it. If I'd come to any kind of solution I'd have dealt with everything by now."
"But you haven't gone insane yet. That's kinda the help I'm asking for here... because it feels like I'm losing it. I'm losing sight of what's right and what's wrong. What's real and what isn't."
"I honestly don't think I'm the best judge of 'sane'; not exactly the picture of mental health here. Hell, half the time I think all this is just in my head. And I have no idea if the others would even believe me if I tried to tell them." Rei replied, rubbing at her temples. Her face was drawn and pale... clearly her father's condition, on top of everything else, was having an effect on her. Whatever was happening between the two of them was fucking her up. "And I told you this shit already, why are you asking me again?"
"Because I had time to process it finally... to really understand everything. The ramifications. And I'm starting to think this whole thing is a bad idea." I admitted with a sigh. Rei shook her head.
"You're an idiot." She sighed, frowning at the bar top. Something about it made me pause.
"Yeah, tell me something I don't know." I chuckled, looking over at Rei again; focusing more clearly on her expression. Something was nagging at the back of my mind. And then everything slid into place.
Her expression reminded me so much of the woman I'd encountered in the past, her eyes were bleak almost like she'd lost all hope. A part of her was missing and just as before what she wanted was right in front of her but it was always, always, just out of reach.
I fought the urge to throw up, the sensation of getting punched in the stomach was almost overwhelming. I was struck down by the knowledge of what could happen to me. What would happen to me if I kept on this path.
I might care for Minako, love her even, but it seemed to pale in comparison to how I felt about Zoisite. I'd known that from the moment I'd gained my full memories but I didn't truly realize the entirety of the situation until just now. I loved her but he completed me.
And this is what years of dealing with that conflict looked like. Hopelessness and loathing. A festering wound that didn't seem to heal.
"Shit." I swore, forcing my eyes away from her and back down to my glass. I knew that if I didn't resolve my past I'd end up just like her – conflicted and in emotional agony. I had to get this shit dealt with even if it meant causing pain in people I loved. Both for Minako and Zoisite.
"It sounds like you've figured something the fuck out." Rei muttered, her finger no longer tapping against the wooden counter top. Her expression was tight, almost like she feared the end to this conversation...despite the fact she'd been borderline hostile through out it.
"Yeah..." I answered, feeling like I was in a daze. "I can't be like you, I refuse to turn out like you. I need to fix this, I can't spend the rest of my life being broken."
Rei gave a bitter laugh, the sound sharp and grating against my ears. It was raw and cynical.
"Well, good luck with that. I've no idea what brought your memories back... because nothing, not in all the years I've known them, has made any difference. There's never been any sliver of recognition in their eyes." She told me as I started to get up... then she caught my arm. Her eyes were cold this time.
"We're not done here." She told me, I swallowed trying to fight back my hesitancy. I lowered myself back into my seat as she scowled at the wall across from us.
"You went and talked to her." She commented lowly. I looked over at her sharply, instantly knowing who she was talking about.
"Howdo you know that?" I asked in surprise. Rei's answering smile was more of a grimace.
"You're predictable. Painfully so in fact." I frowned at her, confused over why she was acting like this. She'd been the one to tell me about Beryl; that she existed in this world and that I could find her. So why was she acting like I'd done something wrong when I'd done exactly that?
"Why do you care?" I asked, bristling. Rei gave me a scathing look.
"This is bigger than you. Bigger than me. Bigger than our pathetic hopes and dreams so pay attention because I'm only going to say this once." Rei told me, her voice all sharp and steely edges. "This tentative calm we're experiencing right now? It's going to break... and sooner rather than later. And what little I've managed to salvage of this world will come crashing down. So I need to know why you met Beryl. And then I need to know what you discussed."
I gave a heavy sigh, realizing she was looking for answers as much as I was. Only she wasn't looking for them for herself, she was looking for a way to hold the situation together. She was trying to avoid an outright war. And for that she needed information.
"I went to see her because... because I had to. She's not a god or a queen or a general but she was ours." I told her, folding my hands together in front of me as I leaned my elbows on the counter top, looking towards Rei as I tried to read her. "You never really knew Beryl... She took the greatest attributes of our people and raised them to new heights. And when I say greatest I don't just mean the best. I first met her during the start of the civil war, she was -"
I could feel the choking pressure of those particular memories resurfacing; the crushing lack of breath and near panic that the chaos had brought with it.
Rei's hand rested against my shoulder, pulling me from that place in my mind.
"You don't have to talk about that." She told me gently, clearly recognizing what I was going through. I found myself wondering if her own memories of this nature ever kept her up at night. I shook my head, dismissing her concern; knowing this was something I needed to explain to her. But I changed the way I approached the story, sidestepping the issue for a moment to give Rei some more background.
"She didn't start out as a politician, she started out as Mamoru's personal aid. She was... no one special until suddenly she was. I was in the city, one of the few remaining loyalist soldiers, when the things started to go sideways..." I paused for a moment, frowning softly as tried to remember the exact order of events. "She saved him you know? Saved his life and then with blood on her hands and murder in her heart... she stopped to talk. And after that there was no stopping her. No stopping us, even if... if maybe there should have been.
"It was like watching a tsunami sweep across the city and then, in time, engulf the world. I mean, sure, it put out the fires but it left destruction in its wake too. Lives and homes needed to be rebuilt and, because Mamoru was raised the way he was, he had the necessary skill set to organize that kind of effort. He might have been on the throne but she was the one who put him there. Kept him there. People followed him because she was at his side, he knew that, he used that. She was the strength, the power, the muscle behind his rule... he didn't want her to be that and neither did she. But it was how things were so they made it work. They had to... there was nothing else to do.
"So yes, I went to talk to her. I went because some one has to and it wasn't going to be you or Setsuna. I've seen a world be shaped by Beryl before and as much as I'm loyal to her, to everything she stands for, I don't always agree. And she needs that because it's the only thing keeping her on the right side of things. It's all too easy for her to cross that line. And she knows it."
"You hold her accountable." Rei commented, her tone only hinting at a question. I shook my head, that hadn't been what I was trying to say.
"I trust her." I replied, my voice firm and unrelenting.
"You trust her?" Rei prompted, clearly requesting clarification. It wasn't a judgment it was a desire to understand. I nodded.
"Because she doesn't always trust herself. She needs me to question so I will... but for that I need to be with her. Where she's concerned I can't waver. And I couldn't let her go into this alone."
"Alright." Rei told me with a satisfied nod. I let out a rush of a sigh, knowing I now needed to explain the content of the conversation I had with Beryl. Rei gestured for me to continue.
"Beryl, well, she's trying to keep the others out of this. She needs the Source but we don't know how to find it. So as long as the others remain unaware of what were after... we've no reason to fight them... We've got no reason to hurt them – to hurt Minako." I explained, knowing that Minako's safety was probably one Rei's key concerns. With that out of the way I wracked my brain; trying to remember exact details of what we'd spoken of.
There was a long silence where Rei studied me before she nodded.
"Alright." Rei said amicably, getting to her feet. She was clearly finished with the conversation.
"What? That's it?" I hissed at her as she brushed me off, trying to avoid catching the bartenders notice with my rising anger. "I just give you a short sentence and you just go with it? What the fuck was the point of asking if you're just going to shrug off what I'm saying?"
"I'm not shrugging it off. Beryl told me the same thing when we spoke." Rei told me with a calm expression in place despite my hostile tone and body language.
"Then why the hell did you need to ask me?" I demanded, rising from my seat. Rei's expression turned cool.
"I was fairly certain Beryl was being straight with me when we talked but I needed to make sure." Rei answered with a shrug. "Trust, but verify."
I paused, frowning at Rei as I came to a conclusion about her.
"If you didn't need me to confirm your intel... would you still have told me how to find Beryl? Or that she had even surfaced?" I asked, feeling a bit chilled by Rei's clinical look at the situation and how casually she had used me to get information.
Rei looked over at me, her expression contemplative.
"As much as I'd like to say I would... I doubt it." She replied eventually, her features were slightly twisted in distaste... like she'd realized something and she didn't particularly enjoy it.
"Whatever." I muttered, pulling my coat on. Rei gave a bit of a stiff nod, turning her back on me before hesitating and looking back.
"Kunzite?" She drew my attention back to her before continuing. "Just... think a bit on everything a bit before you act, alright?"
I felt confused for a moment, there was a sliver of vulnerability in the set of her shoulders and the line of her gaze. Then understanding dawned. We were back to the subject of Minako... and Rei was asking me not to hurt her. Then the vulnerability was gone, filled in by a wry quirk of her lips and a taunting tone in her voice.
"I'd hate to see you get hauled off in a straight jacket because you said something you shouldn't have."
I gave a careful nod, not entirely sure of what to say. I wanted to ask her a lot of questions now, mostly if she truly believed that would be Minako's reaction to the truth... Did Rei truly doubt them that much? Or was it just doubt in herself?
"Goodbye Rei." I told her, wishing there was more I could say but she was already at the door. The stiffening of her spine made me realize she was preparing to face reality again. The reality of a dying father, a missing love, and an oncoming storm.
I swallowed roughly, letting her walk out into the snowy day alone. I got the feeling she didn't want company on her way to where ever she was going. Maybe in the next couple days things would get easier for her.
USAGI
The gathering the day before was still on my mind as I sat down at the breakfast table the next morning. I didn't like seeing my friends fight as Ami and Minako had... it took a lot to get either of them angry but the topic of discussion had certainly done the trick.
It seemed Rei would always hold that dubious honour.
I gave a sigh and reached over to my cellphone as I waited for the kettle to boil for tea.
As always I began my morning reading with the news, flipped through the headlines of various news agencies. This time one article in particular caught my eye... and it was quickly joined by another.
The horror I felt grew as I scrolled through the articles in front of me, immediately reaching for the phone. We needed to do some serious damage control it seemed. The phone barely had time to ring before Ami answered.
"Usagi, what's going on?" Ami asked, sounding exhausted. A quick look at the clock told me she'd probably only just gotten off work.
"Sorry for interrupting your time off, but have you checked the news yet?" I asked, trying not to pick at the hole in the corner of my couch cushion.
"I... no. Is this about Rei?" Ami questioned, making the jump from tired to worried. I paused, letting out a deep sigh.
"Two things about Rei, really. And one thing about Minako and Kunzite." Time froze for a moment as Ami processed what I'd just told her.
"Hang on, I'll put you on speaker phone." Ami told me, a clinical tone in her voice. "Makoto, Usagi's on the line."
I took that as permission to start talking, even if I hadn't greeted Makoto yet.
"I was reading the news..." I started, hoping my anxiousness wasn't as obvious as I thought it was.
"Fuck." Makoto cursed softly, interrupting me. "Rei's father..?"
"Yes, that's the first bit. His funeral is this afternoon. Apparently he passed a couple days ago."
"First bit?" Makoto winced, the question implying that she thought she would regret asking.
"The other bit was in the entertainment section. So nothing's confirmed but it doesn't look good. Like really not good."
"Quit dicking around and cut to the chase." Makoto gritted out, her voice tense and angry.
"Minako dumped her fiance. And the picture accompanying the story is of Rei and Kunzite, apparently that was Kunzite's business meeting." I told them, doing my best to brace myself for the coming reactions.
I promptly dropped the phone as Ami's explosive cursing caught me completely off guard and drowned out whatever Makoto's reaction was. I scrambled to pick it up, managing to catch the tail end of her rant.
"...complete and utter bullshit, I can't believe they'd do this to her!"
"Sorry?" I asked, unsure how to phrase my question any clearer. On the other end of the line I heard Makoto mumble out a confused 'What?'.
"Do you two seriously not know?" Ami demanded, sounding even more incensed. Then with a frustrated sigh she decided to explain. "The media is just taking advantage of Rei's position as the heir to AED and that she's now, officially, in charge. That's all this is – they're using the death of her father to hype this up into something it's not."
"All this is? Minako broke up with Kunzite, I just looked it up and the photos..." Makoto put in.
"Oh my god, I suppose I actually have to spell this out." Ami said with an annoyed sigh, this time I got the feeling it was directed at us rather than the press. "Rei's strictly into women. Zero flexibility on that front."
"What?" I asked, feeling kind of thrown. My mind cycling though Rei's interactions with quite a few of her male companions. "What about..?"
"Friends." Ami told me sternly. "Any of the guys you could possibly be thinking of, friends are all they were. Friends or people Rei tolerated enough not to rip their spines out with her bare hands."
"I... huh." Was all Makoto managed to get out, clearly she was having to reconsider a lot of what we thought we knew about our friend. Just like I was. "When did you find this out?"
"When I sat down and asked her." Ami snapped, there was a huff of a sigh. "Sorry, I just – I'm angry. We all judged Rei unfairly in the past and it's bugging me more and more of late."
There was another sigh, heavier this time.
"I've known about Rei since we were in high school, she didn't really spread it around – In fact she did her best to encourage the misconception that she was into guys... because of her father, right? The bastard." Ami explained.
"What did you mean when by 'we all judged Rei' before?" Makoto asked softly, gently... clearly picking up on something in Ami's tone that I had missed.
"Rei and Michiru stopped their relationship after, or possibly even before, the wedding." Ami mumbled out, the frown obvious in her voice.
"WHAT?" Makoto demanded. "But they..!"
"Are apparently just friends now. Rei was quite adamant about the fact they stopped when Michiru and Haruka made it official."
"Then why would she let us think that about her?" I continued, picking up on where I thought Makoto was going with the question Ami cut off. Ami was uncharacteristically abrupt, she wasn't taking her usual time in hearing us out. We all knew her brain worked faster than ours but normally she allowed us some time to catch up.
That was very much not the case today.
"Because she's Rei? Probably thought correcting us would involve a long, drawn out, and involved argument. So she'd just sit there and take it. Even getting her to admit it to me was a bit like pulling teeth." Ami admitted.
"I can see why you were angry now." I allowed.
"That's not even the worst of it." Ami sighed into the phone.
"Fuck me. What's the worst of it?" Makoto demanded, her language worsening with the situation.
"Minako still thinks Rei's bisexual. Which probably means that..." Ami outlined weakly.
"Minako probably believes that Rei and Kunzite..." Makoto let her voice trail off. "Well, shit."
KUNZITE
I unlocked the front door and slipped inside, already trying to figure out how to explain all this to Minako. I'd ended up not coming home last night, taking Rei's advice to think things over and not do anything rash. But the more I thought about it... the more I felt the need to come clean and admit to Minako that I couldn't do this anymore. It wasn't that I didn't love her... I did, it's just I didn't love her the way she thought I did - didn't love her the way I knew I was capable of.
So I'd come home from the hotel I'd crashed at, ready to sit Minako down and come clean. I just needed to figure out what the hell to say.
"Morning." I greeted as I walked into the kitchen to find Minako cooking breakfast. Out of habit I leaned over to kiss her, meeting her cheek instead of her lips when she turned her head at the last second. "Sorry about last night, I had some things to go over – didn't want to spoil your evening with... work. You needed the time off."
Minako hummed a response before shifting away, putting down the spatula as she reached for something else.
"This was dropped off at the house last night, you might want to take a look at it." Minako suggested sliding a thick envelope across the counter top towards me. Something in her voice changed as she continued. "And how was the meeting?"
"Mh?" I questioned distractedly as I opened the yellow package, shaking its contents out into my hands.
"The meeting you were at yesterday?" She repeated and out of the corner of my eye I noticed that she turned to watch me.
"It went well." I replied, then started to stammer. I was frozen looking down at what had been in the envelope. "I... um."
The photographs in my hands were slipping from between my fingers and fluttering to the ground. Rei and I sharing a drink. Her hand on my arm, a gentle look in her eye. Her and I arguing, a look of hurt on both our faces. Me watching her leave like she was taking all the answers in the universe with her.
"So, Kunzite, the meeting... anything you want to tell me about it?" Minako asked, tossing her tablet down in front of me as the last photo drifted out of my grip. A quick look at the screen showed me a news site with a dramatically titled article detailing my affair with Rei.
"Minako, I can explain." I told her. "I..."
"You know what? I don't care that you can explain, I care that you lied. So let's start again. How. Did. The. Meeting. Go?"
"It wasn't a meeting." I admitted, hoping it was actually what she wanted to hear. "I went to go see Rei?"
"Why?" She asked, her face and tone hard and grating.
"We didn't do anything Minako, Rei and I would never..." I protested.
"Then why bother lying about it?"
"Minako..." I started, stepping towards her. It was only after her name left my lips that I realized it sounded patronizing and dismissive. Her eyes blazed as she jerked out of my reach.
"You told me it was a business meeting! Why the fuck did you lie to me?" She demanded, yelling at me in her fury.
"Well, I had to tell you something!" I yelled back, unable to stop the words from passing through my lips.
For having an argument about lying... I was being entirely too truthful. This was absolutely not the way Minako deserved to find out about any of our past. She didn't need to find out I'd been placed against her yet again. Or that the only reason Rei had met with me was because she was talking with Beryl.
"And why the hell was Rei talking to you, of all people? She hasn't been in contact with any of us since Christmas but she'll talk to you?!" Minako demanded, the hurt in her tone becoming more evident – echoing between us. It was only now that I noticed how much a part of Minako her powers were... and that they were what had drawn me to her. She and I had always understood each other until I'd run into Rei and realized what exactly it had been between us all along.
"I – Minako, it's not like that. Rei just... we know each other okay? She understands what I'm going through."
"What you're going through?" Minako asked, sounding absolutely enraged now. I couldn't tell if she was angry at me or if she was angry at Rei. Or angry about the fact Rei had come to me.
"I... Rei – looking at her, I realized I can't do this, Minako. Not when I'm in love with someone else. I can't do that to us. I can't do that to myself." I told Minako, doing my best to hide my own heart break.
I did love this woman, dearly in fact. But it wasn't enough. There was someone else I loved more and someone else who loved her more; there was no way I could stand in between that.
"Rei's the only one I could talk to about it. She's the only one who sees who I really am, who I used to be. And I can't pretend to be completely happy anymore. It would kill both of us and I can't have that. So I have to let you go... For her." I said, fumbling for a way to make this sound less horrible than it already did. I knew I wasn't succeeding. I was probably only making things worse.
MINAKO
I was fairly certain I was going to throw up. That was the only thought running through my head. At least the only thought of my own.
Kunzite's emotions were crashing over me in waves. Love. A fierce protectiveness. A crippling sense of anguish like he was somehow missing a limb. Regret as he watched my face fall.
I looked down, realizing I'd taken off the ring he'd given me and was holding it out to him. Numbly.
His fumbling apologies rang through my head as he reached out to try and reassure me, folding my hand back around the ring; refusing to take it. But he couldn't deny it – it was over.
He was leaving me for Rei.
"Get out." I told him, trying to keep my voice steady. He looked ready to reach out to me... to try and explain, but upon catching sight of my face he retreated.
"Minako, that's not how it sounded..." He told me as he reached the door, the sincerity of his tone set me off. I hurled the engagement ring at his head.
"Get the fuck out, Kunzite." I yelled, fighting the urge to storm in his direction and physically throw him from the house.
"I'm sorry." I heard him say as he shut the door. I fought back the urge to cry as I turned my attention back to the breakfast that was still cooking on the stove. I leaned closer to assess the damage – the charred remains smoking in the pan.
Tears sprang to my eyes as I fumbled to switch off the heat, knowing that my plans for the future had just gone up in flames.
REI
Standing here...for some reason I just couldn't feel anything about what had happened. A part of me knew that despite the fact we never had a good relationship he was still family – still my father. But the other part...
It was like it just couldn't touch me and that scared me more than anything. I wrapped my jacket tighter around my body, trying to fight off the cold in my heart, as I watched them lower the casket into the grave. The rest of the ceremony passed in a blur, like someone had hit fast forward on my life.
Who knows. Maybe someone had.
All the same, I simply stood there automatically responding to the offered condolences from my father's former business partners and friends. The brief handshakes or half embraces where applicable. The half murmured apologies or sympathies – the half-hearted reassurance that he was in a better place now. Eventually the crowd of mourners thinned out, leaving me standing alone in front of the fresh grave.
"Hey kid." Silas greeted, his voice didn't have the same tone it normally did.
"Silas." I replied, he looked down at the grave – looking over the epitaph that was engraved on the head stone.
"Hino Masaru. A Life of Honour. A Devoted Husband and Friend." He read softly. He looked over at me. "How very heartfelt, Rei."
"Didn't think adding 'A Shit Father' was very appropriate." I replied, kicking at the snow by my feet. He gave me a look.
"Don't be a smart ass." He warned.
"Look, if you want it changed – change it." I told him with a sigh. "If you want to make him seem like a respectable family man, go for it. I've never been needed for that."
Silas laid a hand on my shoulder.
"That's not what I was saying. You're allowed to hate him for dying before you two resolved your issues. You don't have to feel guilty about it." Silas told me. I wanted to turn on him, to yell and scream but I couldn't dredge up the energy to be explosive. His hand squeezed my shoulder. "It's alright to be upset."
I didn't reply, instead I chose to simply stare at the headstone.
A life of honour.
Devoted husband and friend.
Those had been his priorities in life... and so would they be in death. I almost laughed. Honour and devotion. He had been a decent man in every manner of reckoning except for one. And his downfall in that arena had been due to the best of his traits.
Honour and devotion. How could such rare and remarkable traits cause such pain?
"It'll get easier Rei. You just need to give it time." Silas murmured, still trying to console me.
Time. I almost laughed at him, instead the noise that came out was more of a strangled cough.
"I gave him time, it never helped. I don't see why this should be any different." I told him, his hand was removed from my shoulder.
"You're not going to hate him forever." Silas stated, a calmness in his voice that was almost eerie in its certainty. Again I felt a flicker of anger. It wasn't really at Silas, just the circumstances we'd all been placed in.
"Silas, he all but disowned me when I was twelve... only welcoming me back when I proved I might have a use. I know he was trying to fix things between us I just don't think it was soon enough." He'd spent too much time trying to mend bridges that had burned to ash long ago, his time would have been better spent building a new one.
"He left you the company." Silas stated, his voice copying the same emotional detachment that mine had.
"I read the damn will, Silas. I know that." I told him, the barest hint of annoyance steeped into my voice. The sympathy in his eyes said a lot more than he ever would. The level of understanding and forgiveness in him never ceased to surprise me.
"Too little too late huh?" He prompted, a saddened expression on his face.
"No. Too much too late. I never wanted the damn company or the money. I never fucking wanted any of that." I replied as dispassionately as possible.
"Rei..." He started, I felt something inside of me give in. I glanced at him, feeling the words tumble out of me. The words I'd never been able to say before.
"I'm just... sick of waiting to have a family again." I muttered, trying to express how much I had wanted normal instead of all this uncertain insanity. I hated that I still cared for anything in this world. "I wish I could have hated him, it would have made this so much easier."
He was silent after this. And eventually he turned and walked away.
MICHIRU
I watched as Masaru's aide left Rei's side but I didn't focus on him. My gaze was centred on Rei. I didn't need to hear them to know what they'd been talking about. The unusually stiff awkwardness about Rei could only mean one thing. They were talking about her relationship with Masaru.
Knowing her the way that I did made it clear to me that all she had wanted from him was his love... or at the very least his approval of something about her. But everything between them had been complicated. They made it impossible to love one another.
"Are you coming with us?" My mother asked, laying a hand on my arm. I spared her a glance, she was watching Rei with concern in her eyes. My father's arm wrapped around her shoulders. I knew the main reason they'd come to this funeral was because of Rei. The funeral was the last show on Masaru's behalf. They had wanted to be there for Rei, unlike many of the other attendees. For most of them this event was purely sound business practice. It was showmanship, plain and simple.
"No. I think I'm going to stay here for a bit." I told her, she nodded like she had known that was what I was going to say.
"Keep her out of trouble?" She asked, squeezing my arm gently. A small smile appeared on her face for the briefest of seconds.
"Always." I replied, returning my attention to Rei. There was a soft crunch of snow under my parent's shoes as they left the two of us alone.
Rei.
Wishing to be loved. Her desire for a family. It was the most painful part about her. The child who hadn't been wanted or included and the father who had lost his ability to connect. They had lost such a vital part of themselves and it was a wound that, now, would never heal. The two of them were, quite honestly, a mess.
Their relationship had never been easy but that had only been made worse with the resurgence of Rei's memories of her past life. The emotional baggage from her past made any relationship with her father that much more difficult.
In the current world she had been given a glimpse of a happy life, a life where she simply had a normal family. A normal mother. A normal father. But it was only the briefest of glimpses. Then that happy reality had been replaced with a shadow of its former self. And all too soon Rei was given memories of an all too different father.
A father who was not simply detached and absent, but one who fully resented her existence.
Part of her no doubt blamed herself for the position she was in. Two lives, two failed families. She was the common factor in the two situations. Not the only common factor but it was enough. That had always been her greatest flaw – her inability to believe that she was capable of being loved.
Her life had been better this time around but the scarring that accompanied her from her past life had left her wary of her father. Even if she didn't admit it, she shied from him, unwilling to give him the chance to hurt her further.
His abandonment of her had been reason enough for her to be wary of him, but the addition of faults from a former time would linger over him like a dark cloud. Her regard for him was irreparably damaged.
They had been doomed as a family from the moment Risa had died. They had wanted to love each other. They just couldn't bring themselves to admit it for fear of loosing what they had. Rei had always felt it but she had steeled herself against it, prepared for the worst case scenario.
I sighed and walked forward. Right now she needed someone who knew. Someone who understood.
REI
I felt a hand slip into mine as I stood frozen in place. I couldn't bring myself to look over at who it was. I didn't feel like I particularly cared.
"Come on Rei, it's time to leave." Michiru's soft voice told me, the hand intertwined with mine carefully began to guide me away from the grave. I followed blindly, trusting Michiru's guidance implicitly.
I had no idea how long I'd been standing there until Michiru's voice made me aware of something.
"You're cold." Michiru stated tenderly, slipping closer to me as we walked toward my car. I could feel the warmth of her throughout my body.
"Yeah..." I murmured in reply, looking over at her and wondering how I could possibly vocalize what I was thinking.
"Where are you going? Michiru asked as she eased the keys from my hand and remote started the car. I snatched them from her hand and gave her a look, too tired to even argue with the fact she was going to ruin her New Years Eve hanging around me.
MICHIRU
"You can't just throw yourself into work, Rei." I chided, my expression probably doing more to communicate my meaning than my words or tone. Rei disregarded what I'd said, pretending as if she hadn't heard me... despite the fact she'd seen me speak.
"You can't have paperwork to do. Honestly." I added with a slight eye roll, moving around the desk to lean against it in front of her. Trying to put myself between her and whatever she was so intently focusing on.
Again she ignored me.
I gave a soft huff of apparent defeat before jerking the folder away from her. Rei let out an indignant sound of protest.
"You're insufferable you know that, right?" Rei muttered after she managed to school her features into an impassive expression.
"What I am is worried." I told her softly, letting my hand fall to rest on hers.
"So go be worried some where else." Rei grumbled. I moved my hand from hers, doing my best not to feel hurt by her words. Her eyes looked up at me just in time to see my face fall.
"Shit." Rei swore, the word falling from her lips as if by accident; her expression immediately contrite. "Michiru..."
I shook my head, the action silencing her immediately. I knew that Rei got defensive and would lash out when in pain, it might hurt in the moment but there was nothing she could do that would make me leave her.
Not again.
Never again.
I might give her space but I wasn't going to fucking leave. Even if she was a complete idiot.
"I understand that you need time to mourn but I'm not going to let you do it in a dark office with only your paperwork for company. That's not going to happen, understood?"
Rei nodded, looking thoroughly chastened.
"What do you suggest?" She questioned, leaning back in her chair – putting distance between herself and former object of her focus.
"When was the last time you broke your self imposed 'I don't drink' rule?" I replied, hoping she'd catch on to the fact I wanted her to break said rule. But as I watched for a reaction she closed herself off; all emotions and facial cues hidden behind a carefully constructed poker face. I paused, immediately realizing what that particular reaction meant.
The last time had been due to 'mysterious circumstances' which I, in no way, knew anything about. It certainly wasn't like both she and Setsuna had been cagey of late. And it definitely had nothing to do with the red haired Senator.
Then Rei's poker face broke, her eyes meeting mine with the ghost of a playful glint in them.
"Often." She corrected jokingly even if her tone was a little too rigid to be sincere. "I don't drink often."
"Exactly." I smiled back as I took her hand again.
"Why do I get the feeling you're going to get me into trouble again?" Rei murmured, a resigned look on her face; this time however there was actual humour lacing it.
"I'm not the troublemaker in this relationship." I replied. "I thought our past made that painfully obvious."
"I seem to recall you being the instigator many times... if not all." Rei commented with a roll of her eyes. She was getting to her feet though, which I saw as a promising start.
"You've been in plenty of trouble without my help. Though I suppose we can go test your theory... see if a new year gives new results."
"The New Year is still hours off." Rei informed me after glancing at her phone to check the date and time.
"Plenty of time to find trouble then." I responded with a sly grin.
"I thought the point was to not get in trouble?" Rei gritted out but followed me to the door anyway. I leaned up and pressed a kiss to her cheek as she stepped out of her office and into the deafening chaos of the bar beyond.
"That sounds painfully boring Rei. Learn to live a little, you're horrifically out of practice." I informed her.
"And you still think I'm the troublemaker?" Rei asked under her breath, disbelief seeping through her tone. I ignored her.
"Personally I think we should take this elsewhere, remove the temptation." I said, turning around to watch Rei's reaction to this. She laughed with only a hint of bitterness.
"Temptation? To what? Be responsible with my liquor?"
"To work. I hardly believe you know what to do with liquor any more, let alone how to be irresponsible with it." I clarified. Rei rolled her eyes again, she was still seeming sullen despite the relatively lighthearted banter. I resolved to work a bit harder at breaking through the melancholy.
And then I picked up on another presence angling their way towards us. Rei seemed too focused on me to notice, either that or she trusted the newcomer enough that warning flags weren't being raised.
REI
"Rei!" An angry voice yelled over the music, I immediately cringed knowing there was only one person here who would talk to me like that.
"What the actual fuck are you doing here?" Ren demanded hostilely, grabbing my arm and jerking me around so we were face to face. I had the feeling I had a rather sheepish expression on my face... that feeling only intensified as I noticed the grin on Michiru's face. She'd probably never seen me wear that particular expression with anyone but her.
"Chell just told me you'd arrived, you better not be here to work. I told you I had this covered. In fact, I recall threatening you with bodily harm if you showed up here tonight." Ren lectured, hands on her hips, and I found myself fumbling for a way to talk my way out of this. The scolding expression on her face wasn't exactly helping my brain work any faster. I absentmindedly ran a hand along the back of my neck, trying to come up with an answer as well as relieve the vague prickling sensation Michiru's gaze was causing.
I shot a brief glance in Michiru's direction, hoping she wouldn't sell me out when I finally got my excuse out.
"Um..." I started, very obviously fumbling with my words. Michiru leaned in the doorway to my office, clearly content in watching me struggle. So I said the only thing that sounded reasonable. "I'm here to drink actually?"
"Finally decided to cope like the rest of us, huh?" Ren asked me, though the exasperated glance she shot in Michiru's direction made me think she knew that hadn't been the original plan.
"Seemed like the thing to do?" I offered with a feeble shrug. Ren gave a laugh that came out more as a snort.
"You're cute when you try to act human." She pointed out patting me on the cheek, Michiru was trying to stifle her laughter upon seeing the look of surprise that flickered across my face. She seemed to find this whole exchange incredibly endearing.
"Now come on, there's a booth upstairs. Should be a bit quieter so your friend can coach you on how to do this properly." Ren told me. Then, taking advantage of my slightly stunned silence, she turned to Michiru.
"You must be Michiru, I'm Ren." She greeted, linking her arm with my friends as she began to lead us through the crowd. With a roll of my eyes I trailed after them, torn between amusement and annoyance.
"Pleasure to meet you Ren." Michiru replied, sounding genuinely like she enjoyed the spectacle Ren had been putting on. I had to wonder why she wasn't questioning how Ren knew her name.
"I'm glad to see Rei has someone keeping an eye on her when I'm not around." Michiru continued.
"Well, someone has to keep her head from lodging itself up her ass." Ren commented, shooting me a look over her shoulder.
"Goddamn it you two." I grumbled as we approached the empty table Ren had spoken of earlier. Now my only desire was to get rid of my annoying assistant before she and Michiru bonded any further.
MICHIRU
"So what can I get for the two of you?" Ren asked ignoring Rei as I seated myself.
"Some food would be wonderful. Whatever Rei normally has is fine for me as well." I told her, assuming she already knew Rei's habits. Even her alcoholic ones. "But to accompany it, I'll have water instead of scotch."
"You think you'll need to be sober to handle Rei tonight?" Ren asked, with a cheeky grin in Rei's direction.
"I do not need to be handled." Rei muttered testily as she slid into the booth across from me. I reached across the table and patted her hand.
"Of course you don't." I agreed, letting my actions and placating tone rile her up. Ren laughed at her superior's indignant expression. Eventually Rei rolled her eyes.
"This is exactly why you two haven't met until now."
"You know you love us." Ren commented. "We're the only ones who put up with your bullshit."
I don't know how she managed it but Rei's responding shrug was surly. Ren grinned and clapped a hand against her shoulder.
"Glad to have you back, boss." She said, looking like she wanted to give Rei a hug but knew better; this coaxed a thin smile from Rei.
"Get back to work." Rei advised, her tone edging back into fondness again. Ren threw a mocking salute before disappearing back down the stairs. I shifted closer to Rei, leaning my shoulder against hers.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.
"About what?" Rei asked idly.
"Whatever you and Silas were arguing about earlier."
"We weren't arguing." Rei corrected, her tone even.
"Alright then, what were you discussing with such confrontational body language and aggravated tones?" I amended, Rei gave a tired laugh.
"He was saying it's alright for me to be angry." Rei explained, folding her hands on the table in front of her.
"And?"
"And I told him I wasn't angry. No matter how much I wish I was." Rei conceded with a sigh, leaning her shoulder more heavily against mine. I reached down and rubbed my hand along her leg soothingly.
"I wish you and your father had gotten along better." I told her, watching a server approach our table and place our drinks in front of us; a large glass of sparkling water before me while a rather generous helping of scotch was set before Rei. The waitress seemed to linger a moment longer than necessary, Rei pointedly ignored her until Ren approached and waved her off.
I followed them with my eyes, watching as they had a hushed conversation; ending with Ren gesturing the woman away in annoyance. I could see a hint of Rei's influence in her stance and demeanour, it was fairly obvious Ren was trying to allow us as much uninterrupted time together as possible. She was giving us privacy. Even if she had better things to worry about.
Rei was still frowning at the table top when I looked back at her.
"What's wrong?" I asked her, catching on to the fact that this was a different kind of quiet contemplation from her earlier silent sorrow. After a long stretch Rei gave a heavy sigh, audible even over the music.
"A normal life...That's not too much to ask, is it?" Rei asked, her tone sounding defeated; resignation was stamped on her features. I felt my heart catch at that expression, moving to wrap my arm through hers, trying to ground her. I could see was was happening here.
"No, Rei, of course it isn't. That's not too much to ask."
Rei made a scoffing noise in the back of her throat.
"Then why..?" She broke off her sentence with a frustrated shake of her head.
"Why what?" I asked cautiously, watching Rei take a long drink of scotch.
"Then why does every last normal thing I have get taken from me?" Rei muttered in response, it was only through years of knowing her that I could even make out her words let along catch the emotional cues that accompanied them.
I didn't know how to answer that question, I didn't even know if Rei wanted it answered. All I could do is offer her my perspective.
"I think maybe you need to start living the way you want to... not how the others think you should."
"Well seeing how dear old dad is six feet under I don't see that being a problem any more." Rei snarked, draining the rest of her scotch. I caught Ren's eye over Rei's shoulder, watching her wince a bit. I had the feeling that for the next round she'd bring Rei something slightly less alcoholic.
"I wasn't just talking about him." I told Rei, meeting her gaze seriously. "I'm talking about Minako and the others."
Rei stiffened beside me. I could sense the vitriolic rant roiling into being between her teeth. I moved to cover her hand with mine, stopping whatever words she was about to say from springing forth. I was making sure she couldn't pull away from me again, she needed to hear this.
"I'm not saying you..." I stopped and rephrased, unsure how to complete that sentence. "I just want you to think on it for me. I just want you to be happy. And I don't see that happening in this holding pattern you've got going on.
Rei was watching me intently like she could peer into my heart and soul, when she opened her mouth I cut across her again.
"Don't say anything now. I want you to think on it, alright?"
I looked over to Ren, nodding slightly to let her know we were done with the serious talk and it was safe to approach. She seemed remarkably at ease with hiding her concern and just focusing on the job at hand, stepping up to the table with our food and another drink for Rei – this time it was a tall glass of something dark.
"Sure thing Princess." Rei folded, a bit of optimism reaching her expression I gave her hand an affectionate squeeze before shifting back to my side of the table. Dinner progressed in relative silence as I watched Rei finally starting to relax. Her mood was improving as the weight on her shoulders lifted, even if just for a moment. I was quite happy she'd allowed me to convince her to take a break for once.
"Dance with me." I breathed softly in her ear as I brushed up against her.
"I don't dance." Rei replied, one of her hands settling on my hip despite her answer. I reached down and took her other hand in mine, settling into the familiar closeness with Rei.
"That's not what I remember." I told her as I caressed my lips against her collarbone, taking in the scent that followed her like a shadow. Despite the ever increasing number of cigarettes she smoked that particular smell never clung to her – it was instead replaced by a comforting blend of wood smoke and cinnamon.
I breathed in deeply, wanting this moment to last for as long as possible.
"What they do today isn't dancing, it's sex... without the added benefit of getting off." Rei murmured, her eyes were flickering in the lights.
"As far as I can remember... you liked sex back then as well. What changed?" I asked, a familiar smile creeping across my face. The flirtation and seduction games that came so easily with Rei were surfacing again. Rei smiled, the distance between us had increased slightly – we were no longer pressed flush against one another. Somehow we'd been gravitating towards the back door of the club.
Rei let out a chuckle as she leaned against the door of the club pushing it open. Together we stepped out into the falling snow.
"Has to be with someone that matters. That's always been the case. You know that." She told me with a smile – I couldn't see it but I could feel it spread across her face as she nudged my cheek with her jaw. I raised my head slightly, coming to meet her lips with mine. The taste of scotch lingered in her kiss.
After a few moments, our lips parted. I let my head rest in the crook of her neck, pressing our bodies closer together. I was enveloped in her scent, her taste, her warmth. I felt her hand settle back on my hip, her thumb slowly tracing small circles.
"Michiru." She murmured, pressing her lips against my hair.
"Hmm?" I asked, humming against her skin.
"Let's dance." She requested with laughter in her voice. She was teasing me. I nipped slightly at her neck in reprimand.
"Don't be an ass." I cautioned as she pulled away with laughter flickering in her eyes. I kept a hold of her hand, pulling her back towards me. I could sense the underlying seriousness in her request. She just wanted to forget for a little while. I placed a kiss over the bite mark before answering what wasn't said – it was a plea for one more night. "But alright."
As we wrapped ourselves in the others arms I felt the world melt away. A song from another time played through my mind, bringing along the accompanying memory. I hummed the tune softly, closing my eyes as I settled into the past.
"We're obviously thinking the same thing." Rei whispered as we danced in the snow, the weight of her hand on my hip brought such calm comfort I would be surprised if I ever let her go.
"It's a good memory." I replied simply, letting my head rest on her shoulder again as I was enveloped in her warmth.
The closeness of the moment brought back more vivid memories of that night, the possessive pressure of her arm across my back. The feeling of her hand in mine, the roughness of her callouses, her gentle strength. With our bodies brushing against each other in a seductive manner, we had been almost oblivious to anything but each other. The music of the night echoed through time, swirling about us in our shared memories.
"I remember being particularly frustrated with you that night." Rei told me, pulling back slightly with a laugh in her voice.
"Why do you make that sound so appealing?" I chuckled, moving my hand to cover her heart. Rei smirked down at me, her free hand softly brushing through my hair.
"Maybe because we both know you were doing your best to get me riled up?" Rei hinted suggestively. "And maybe because we both know I'm going to do far worse to you tonight."
I felt a familiar flush rise in my cheeks at the dangerous promise in her voice. I knew it was partially the alcohol that was pushing us towards this... but I also knew there was nothing we could do to fight it at this point.
But I knew in my heart that neither of us would call this a mistake in the morning, we were too far lost in each other. We always had been, just some times we were just better at fighting it.
"Really?" I asked, doing my best to keep the upper-hand in this situation.
"Do you have any idea how fuckable you looked in that dress?" Rei breathed in my ear, holding me close to her side as we headed towards the street. I pulled away, slapping her shoulder as I felt my cheeks burn.
"Rei!" I exclaimed. "When did you get so crass? I expect that kind of behaviour from Haruka, not from you."
"My mouth tends to get away from me when I'm drunk." Rei replied, the smile on her face was enthralling. The way her lips quirked upwards, a dangerous glint in her eyes. It almost made me wish we had this fire between us all the time. "Plus I know it gets you."
"Oh really?" I asked, almost disapprovingly. I couldn't hide the desire in my tone though, so there was no weight behind it. The devilry in her gaze, the pained lust, and unrequited love that could only be redirected; we revelled in the shameless flirtation. It was what we were, it was what we had. The quirk in her expression grew.
"Haruka talks too much." Rei hissed, her finger tips dragged along my ribs – the heat of them surprising me. When had her hand slipped underneath my jacket? I fought back the urge to groan, wishing that there was nothing between her fingers and my skin.
"You are... impossible." I muttered, leaning up to try and capture her lips. As I lost myself in her kiss again as she pressed me up against the hood of her car. Her hand wrapped around mine again, placing something in my palm. I broke the kiss, letting us simply stand in the snow – our heads rested against each other.
The snow falling around us was sobering in its silence. The calm of the world around us, there would be no inferno tonight. It would be a slow burn, a loving embrace instead of fiery passion. It was what she needed.
"You should drive. I'm way too drunk." Rei admitted, I removed my hand away from hers, taking the keys from her and unlocked her car. She pulled away from me as if it was physically difficult for her to distance herself. I let my finger tips trail along her arm as I watched her open the door and get into the car. I followed suit quickly, eager to resume our previous activity.
"And you think I'm any better?" I asked knowing I was sober enough to drive, I simply wanted to keep the banter going. It was good to see Rei letting off steam for once. She kept too much bottled up inside.
"You had your first and only drink over two hours ago... You're fine." Rei replied, her hand settling on my thigh. Her fingers gently tracing upwards...
"I'll be fine if someone can keep her hands to herself while I get us home." I told her, settling my hand on top of hers. Her hand stilled as she looked over at me, there was an almost playful expression on her face.
"Come on, let's go." Rei prompted, I gave her a look. She sighed, doing her best to hide her smile. "I'll be good, I promise."
I nodded and started the car, Rei's hand moved from under mine, coming to settle on the back of my neck. Her fingers began playing idly with my hair, carefully brushing over my neck.
REI
I was pressed up against the door the moment we were inside, Michiru's hands pushing aside my jacket, casting it to the floor without care. Her fingers tangled themselves in my hair the second my jacket was off. I wrapped an arm around her waist, leaning down for another searing kiss as I kicked the door closed behind us. I could practically feel the world slip away. Nothing else mattered.
"Fuck. I've missed this." I hissed as Michiru's hands trailed up my stomach. The pleasant feeling of drunkenness overpowering everything but the desire and need.
"Likewise."
"So they're not home, right?" I asked, doing my best to keep my head clear while I got confirmation. Michiru's hand was tight around mine as she pulled me towards the master bedroom.
"They're out of town." Michiru replied quickly. As soon as we were inside Michiru kicked the door shut and started in on removing my shirt.
Michiru pushed me down onto the bed. I shifted, doing my best to sit up properly as she straddled my waist. I slid my hand up her back trying to find the zipper of her dress, when my fingers finally located it I eased it down slowly.
"No one is here but us." She breathed as she kissed her way up my neck.
"And you're sure about this?" I asked, my hands were just beginning to slip the dress down over her shoulders.
"Rei. Shut. Up." Michiru hissed. I grinned as I pulled her down on top of me, savouring the feeling of her body against mine. I flipped us over, easing the dress the rest of the way off her.
"Yes Ma'am." I replied, smirking down at her as I let my eyes trail over her mostly naked body. Her fingers tangled in my hair again, pulling me down towards her.
And then nothing else fucking mattered.
