November 3rd, 1981

It was three days before I was allowed out of my house. The ministry had also stopped Lewis from allowing my father over, stating that they didn't want anyone to have contact with me before they were able to question me; given that Lewis worked in the department of Magical Law Enforcement, he was allowed to stay with me. Something about him having taken an ethical oath upon taking the job.

It dawned on me, as I was being pulled in to one of the courtrooms on the same level of the Department of Mysteries, that it was Sirius's birthday. He was going to be spending his 22nd birthday in Azkaban. For a second something buried deep inside of me hurt, some feeling that I couldn't explain urged me to run to him, to fight for him. But how could I fight for him after what he did? I had been racking my brain for the last three days, trying to think if there was anything I was missing – if there was anything that could explain what Sirius had done. I came up blank. He had done it; he had killed his best friend. There was no way around it – he had done it.

I walked in to the courtroom, Lewis just behind me, and stopped dead in my tracks. Sitting there, bound and silenced was Sirius. He was sitting behind some sort of magical barrier, and I could see two dementors hovering behind him. It was an incredibly difficult feeling, seeing the man that I loved already succumbing to the horrors of Azkaban. His face, so handsome and lively just weeks ago, had already fallen gaunt and haunted. He looked reminiscent of Jase – as if Azkaban had already begun to suck the life out of him. I wasn't stupid; I knew that even after he had betrayed Lily and James, killed Peter, and murdered innocent muggles, I still loved him. Despite those things, and myself, I knew that I would always love Sirius Black. I couldn't honestly believe that all of the wonderful things I had believed him to be for the last ten years had all been lies. I didn't know what had happened to make him snap – perhaps the loss of his brother – but something changed him. And I hadn't realized. I was just as guilty for Lily and James's death as he was. If only I had been around more, seen the signs, I could have done something.

Lewis pushed me gently in to a chair in the center of the chamber. I looked away from Sirius for the first time, only to see that the entire Wizengamot was assembled in front of me. Noticeably absent was Albus Dumbledore. I shook that thought from my mind when Barty Crouch banged his gavel down on the wood in front of him.

"I call the court to order!" He commanded in a nasal voice, carrying throughout the hall. Immediately, the chatter that had been reverberating throughout the chambers dulled down. "This is the case of Black vs. Ministry of Magic. This is just a witness hearing. Our witness is Addison Black, wife to the defendant."

Lewis stepped up, having agreed that although he could not defend Sirius, as Sirius was not being offered a proper trial, he could be there to provide legal support to me. I loved him immensely for even offering to defend Sirius, but he had been told in no uncertain terms that Sirius would not be offered one. As Lewis had told me yesterday, this appearance was more to prove my innocence than Sirius's. Lewis spoke in a booming voice, commanding the attention of the hall, "Lewis Jones, legal counsel to Addison Black. In the effort of full transparency, Addison Black is my sister and the defendant, Sirius Black, is my brother-in-law."

There was some muttering at this comment; I'm sure from colleagues of his that hadn't known he was related to Sirius – infamous murderer, the Dark Lord's right hand man. I understood the professional risk Lewis was taking for me, and no matter how much I had begged him to allow me to do this alone, he had insisted on being here with me.

"Very well," Crouch continued, casting Lewis a judgmental glare. "Does the witness consent to taking veritaserum?"

"I do," I said hoarsely. I glanced at Sirius. He was looking at me as if I was his lifeline; for the first time since I had entered the chamber, I saw some emotion in his eyes – hope. I wasn't sure why he was looking at me like that; when I told the truth under veritaserum, his guilt was going to be confirmed. There was nothing I could do to help him – there was nothing I wanted to do to help him.

One of Crouch's assistants levitated the clear potion over to me. Lewis helped me uncork it when he realized that my hands were shaking too much to do it myself. I swallowed the odorless, tasteless potion and the familiar eerie feeling of calm washed over me. It was the same feeling I had had at the trial against Jase, as if with just one touch of a fingertip, I would spill each and every last secret I possessed.

"What is the witness's full name?" Crouch began, once he had assessed the glazed over look in my eyes to mean that the potion had begun to work.

"Addison Marie Black, nee Jones," I replied smoothly.

"When did you first meet the defendant, Sirius Black?"

"As a first year at Hogwarts. He brought me chocolate one night when I was sad." I looked over at Sirius, and he almost looked as though he was smiling at the memory. I looked away, not wishing to see the glimmer of the man I had fallen in love with within the body of a murderer.

"When did you first become romantically involved with him?"

"The beginning of our sixth year – 1976."

"And when did you get married?" Crouch pressed.

"December of 1978," I answered smoothly, wondering why all of this was necessary.

"So you have been married just under three years?" Crouch asked sternly.

"Yes." I still didn't know where he was going with this.

"And you mean to tell me that in a five-year relationship and three years of marriage, you never once had any idea, not even an inkling, that the man you married had fallen in with the Death Eaters?" Crouch boomed, his point now apparent.

"Mr. Crouch!" Lewis called, appalled at the line of questioning. "I hardly think that is a fair question."

"I'll answer, Lewis," I said, putting a hand up. "I know the reputation that the Blacks have." I glared at Crouch, some of the remnant protective instincts for Sirius's character apparently kicking in.

"I know the kind of man you all expected him to be – based on his family history, not on his own. I'll admit that for the first several years that I knew him, I disliked him immensely. He was a bully, a womanizer, and too sarcastic for his own good. But behind that exterior sat the heart of a man who above all else craved the love of someone strong." I felt my voice catch in my throat, but pushed forward despite how wobbly my voice came out. "I have loved this man for five years. He has supported me through some of my toughest times, and I have supported him through his. Despite what he has done, at one point in his life he was a good, brave man." I had surprised even myself with how ardently I still love this man, but I was under the influence of truth potion, so I knew everything I was saying must be true.

"Very well," Crouch conceded stiffly. "So what do you believe happened?"

"War happened, Mr. Crouch. In the last several years we have lost my mother, our best friend lost her parents, Sirius lost Mr. and Mrs. Potter who were his adoptive parents, we lost our friend Marlene and her entire family. Sirius lost his father and his brother, who he loved very much. I've been gone far too often in the last three years, traveling with Puddlemere United. The tremendous losses Sirius has experienced would have broken anyone, let alone someone who grew up in an abusive household. I don't know if it was loneliness, grief or anger that did it, but something made him snap. The Sirius that I loved wouldn't have betrayed his best friends – not for anything."

Crouch sat up curiously at this, and snapped, "So you do believe that he betrayed Lily and James Potter? That he was working with You-Know Who?"

I contemplated for a second before nodding. "I don't see any way around it, sir. Sirius was the Potter's Secret Keeper – he is the only one who could have given them up. And I think it's quite obvious given his display in the alleyway the next morning with Peter Pettigrew that he's gone mad." I looked over at Sirius, who was glaring at me as if he couldn't believe what I was saying. He started thrashing wildly, trying to break out of his bonds, but he was silenced and I couldn't make out a word he was saying. He looked entirely deranged. "Look at him! Something clearly drove him mad. I wish I had been around more to see the signs, but we both had agreed that it was better for me to focus on my career, and to stay away from the war entirely."

"No doubt so he could carry out his plans with the Death Eaters without arousing your suspicion." A toad like lady dressed in an all pink outfit had spoken in a froggy voice. She cleared her throat haughtily and sat back in her seat when Crouch cast a warning look in her direction. She folded her hands primly on her skirt, looking at me with an intrigued expression on her face.

"Well," Crouch announced, "I believe that I have heard all that I need to hear. I move to clear Addison Black of all wrongdoing associated with Mr. Black's actions. Those in favor?"

The majority of the Wizengamot members raised their hands, and I felt the tension in my stomach unfurl. "Sir," I interrupted loudly. The members had all begun to gather their belongings, ready to leave the chambers. At my word, most of them stopped moving. "Harry Potter? I'm supposed to be his guardian. Where is he? And where is Professor Dumbledore?"

"Dumbledore had to recuse himself due to a conflict of interest," Crouch answered. That made sense – Sirius, James, Lily and Peter had all been his students just a few years ago. "Harry Potter has been placed with a relative."

"A relative?" I exclaimed, standing up. "Surely not Petunia Dursley?"

"I am not at liberty to say."

"You must have seen Lily and James's will. The last people they wanted Harry with were her sister and brother-in-law. I am his godmother!" I glanced at Sirius once again. He looked like a living skeleton– the brief glimmer of hope that I had seen earlier was long gone. At this news, however, his eyes wandered up and met my own. In that instant, I knew that he was telling me to do anything I could to save Harry. I furrowed my brows at him, completely confused. The same determination that I had seen the night Harry was born, the same paternal protective instinct that I had seen for Harry was back. It didn't make any sense – if he was so concerned with Harry's safety, why did he give the Potter's up to Voldemort?

"The Ministry has determined that with your personal connection to the Potter's murderer, you are an ineligible guardian for their son," Crouch said briskly. "Now if that is all, we have much more important business to discuss than the placement of a boy who has already been placed with a guardian."

"Alice and Frank Longbottom should be next on the list. They are perfectly suitable!" I rebutted sharply. I wasn't going to let this go, not without a proper fight.

"The Longbottoms have been incapacitated. They are currently in St. Mungo's Janus Thickey Ward being treated under your father."

I swallowed thickly at this, having no idea what he was talking about. I decided that was a conversation for later, so I again pushed down my grief and pushed forward again. "Remus Lupin, then."

"Oh, honestly!" The toad-like lady interrupted again, sitting forward in her seat petulantly. "As if we were going to put the boy in the custody of that dangerous half-breed!"

I was in front of her, wand out, faster than Crouch could call "order!"

"Do not ever speak about Remus Lupin like that in front of me. Do you understand?" I vaguely felt Lewis pulling me out of the chamber, which had erupted in to indignant shouts, by the waist. Just before the door slammed shut behind me, I saw Sirius sitting in his chair, laughing hysterically at the chaos I had caused. It was such a typical Sirius response – laughter when I got angry – that it made my heart ache for him. So much had changed in the last three days – James, Lily, Harry, Alice, Frank, Peter. All I had left was my family. I wanted Sirius. I wanted my husband. I didn't want to believe that he had betrayed us, but he had. And I had to let him go, no matter how strongly my body ached for me to run to him and never let go.


I stopped struggling around the same time Lewis shoved me in to the floo. I stepped out onto the St. Mungo's waiting room; usually we would have just floo'd straight to Dad's office, but given that we used a public Ministry floo, it hadn't been connected. Lewis stepped out behind me, walking in to my back because I hadn't stepped out of the grate yet. I stepped forward before turning to Lewis and gently hugging him.

"Thank you," I said into his chest. "I couldn't have done that without you. I'd probably be in jail for murdering that fucking disgusting, prejudice cun–"

"Addie!" Lewis reprimanded sharply, his eyes roaming the waiting room. There was a family of small children in the corner, so I snapped my mouth shut. The mother cast us a pointed glare, and I smiled apologetically. "That was Dolores Umbridge. She's always been nasty, but lately she's been publically spewing her hate. Hopefully things will calm down now that You-Know-Who is gone, but that was just the tip of the iceburg with her."

"It's disgusting that there are these people out there, working in the Ministry, influencing our laws." I shook my head in disgust. I moved forward, past the reception desk; the receptionist was an older woman who had known Lewis and I since we were children, so she simply waved us through. I made my way to the elevator, ready to head up to Dad's office.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened to Alice and Frank?" I asked hesitantly, entirely sure that I wasn't ready to hear any more bad news.

"I was going to tell you," Lewis began. The elevator door opened, and he stepped back to allow me out. "But with everything going on – Sirius, Jase, Lily, James – I just figured that we should take it all one step at a time. Besides, it only happened yesterday, I didn't see the harm in holding off telling you until after the hearing."

I nodded at him, knowing that he did the right thing. "Hold off on telling me until we talk to Dad. I want him to check me out anyway."

We came upon Dad's office. Sitting outside was his receptionist, Serena, a pretty brunette that had been working for him since graduating Hogwarts five years ago. "Hi Serena," I greeted her. She looked up from the parchment she was reading with a start.

"Lewis! Addison! Sorry about that, just reading through the new guidelines the hospital has set – it's been absolutely crazy here since everything happened." She seemed to realize who she was talking to, because her face fell in to a horrified look immediately after speaking. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sure you understand how crazy everything is. How are you holding up, Addie?"

I felt my heart wrench, knowing that everyone knew my personal business now. Everyone knew that my husband betrayed Lily and James, that he was a traitor and a Death Eater. I wasn't used to this kind of attention – usually the press I received was about Quidditch, not my husband. I was going to have to get used to prying questions, despite how well intentioned I knew Serena's were. "I'm getting through it, Serena. Thanks."

My short answer seemed to placate her. "I'll get your father for you. Go ahead in, I'll send him in for you."

"Thanks, Serena," Lewis said on the way in. He closed the door behind us, falling on to the brown leather couch next to the door. I sat next to him, feeling entirely out of place.

"Did you tell Dad? About Jase?"

"Yes. He knows. It was always the plan to bring you here to run some tests after the hearing, but with Alice and Frank here, it solidified the plan more."

I nodded, not knowing what to say. Obviously, something terrible had happened to Alice and Frank; Lewis didn't seem inclined to tell me, so I knew it must be horrific. We waited in silence for about twenty minutes. I had slid down the couch, my head on Lewis's shoulder and his arm around me. I longed for the times where I would be lounging with Sirius, curled up with him on our couch. I still found it hard to reconcile my complete and utter hatred for the man who betrayed his friends with the complete and unconditional love that I felt for the man I had married. I knew that it would take me a long time – possibly forever – to come to terms with my new reality and figure out my true feelings. I would probably always love him, and I would definitely always hate him. I just had to figure out how to move forward now.

The door opened suddenly, and Dad walked in. He looked exhausted, just as exhausted physically as I felt emotionally. I stood up slowly, as he shrugged off his healer robes. "Hi, Daddy," I cried, immediately breaking down in to tears as he turned to face me. The look on his face said it all – he knew I was hurting, and he knew I needed him.

"Hi, sweetheart." He threw his arms around me, cradling me against his chest, and kissing the top of my head. "I am so sorry, baby."

I was crying hysterically now. The pressure of the last couple of days, it being Sirius's birthday, seeing him in person today, hearing about Alice and Frank – it was all too much. There was something so comforting about being held by your father, as if they could help you with all of your problems, even whey they definitely couldn't.

"I'm going to run some tests, okay Addie?" Dad said quietly, after holding me for a couple of minutes and letting me cry. I sniffled noisily, but I nodded. He sat me down back on the couch and waved his wand several times.

"Typically, we prefer that woman in these situations come in right away for testing – that way we can gather some evidence as well. The stupid fucking Ministry wouldn't let me in to see you, but we should still be able to make sure you are healthy. We got that bastard last time, and we will get him again this time." Dad was angry – angrier than I had ever seen him before. I couldn't even think about Jase right now, I just wanted to make sure I was healthy, and then I wanted to see Alice and Frank.

"I already have the paperwork to press charges against Whitmore drawn up. All you have to do Addie, if you decide you want to, is sign them," Lewis added, crossing his legs and leaning back on the couch. I nodded at him in thanks, not sure what I wanted to do yet. This had all happened, after all, because I had pressed charges last time. What was going to stop him from being locked up, getting out and killing me next time? I wasn't sure I needed to escalate the situation any more.

Dad was looking at results, a worried look on his face. He was silent for several moments, looking through the results that were projected in the air. Once he was satisfied, he flicked his wand and the results disappeared. He pulled an armchair over to the couch from in front of his desk and sat down in it. He took one of my hands in his own. I was nervous now; sure that he had found something wrong with my tests.

"What is it?" I asked in a quiet, mousey voice. My anxiety was spiking again.

"Everything looks fine, sweetheart. You're healthy, your vitals are strong, there doesn't seem to be any indication of infections. But, there is something…" He trailed off, judging my reaction. "You're pregnant, honey."

The entire room started spinning, and I was sure that I hadn't heard him correctly. "I'm so sorry, Dad. I must have heard you wrong. I certainly can not be pregnant."

"Are you sure, Dad?" Lewis asked, shocked. He leaned forward, taking my other hand in his own. The three of us sat there, connected, for a minute before Dad spoke again.

"Honey, you heard me. You're pregnant – newly pregnant, a week or two at most. Is there any chance that this baby could be Sirius's?"

I shook my head no. "I haven't seen Sirius since September, before I went to Ireland." I couldn't decide which would be worse – for the baby to be my rapist's or for the baby to be my murderer husband's.

"You have options," Lewis broached hesitantly.

The thought struck through my entire body like a thunderbolt, an entirely involuntary physical response. "No!" I cried, as I flinched violently. Panic settled in, and I realized that although I didn't completely understand it, my body knew that I had to keep this baby.

"No," I said again, much more calmly. "This world has already seen so much loss. We have all lost so much – I have lost so much. I can not handle losing any more."

Dad nodded decisively. "We understand, honey. And we will help you through this."

"We will," Lewis agreed. He tightened his grip on my hand. "We are going to help you get through all of this."

I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I had made the right decision. I cradled my stomach, mind-blown that there was an actual baby in there. I had always worried that I wouldn't have that instant maternal instinct that Lily had, but I knew in this moment that I was wrong. If I was able to love a baby conceived in such a violent and horrible manner, I knew that I could love this baby through anything. It didn't matter that Jason Whitmore was its father, because I was going to be its mother.