**I don't own these characters**


Jamie couldn't sleep. How could he? He didn't know what to do. He had thought that maybe one day he would give up the NYPD, but he always believed it would be his choice. He would choose when he would leave and even now had been thinking of leaving but it had been his choice and now that choice had been taken away. He looked over at Eddie who was asleep, she had been asleep for the past two hours. What does he do now? He made his way out of bed and walked into the living room. He had done his best to hide the pain from Eddie, the past couple of weeks had been awful, while he appreciated all the time he got to spend with Eddie. Every day he woke up and the pain would begin again, his arm hurt every day, his back hurt, his surgery scars hurt, his head hurt, everything hurt. Throughout the day it would get worse, it had become normal for him to be reaching for the painkillers more often every couple of days. He wasn't sure he could keep going like this. He dropped to the couch almost as if his legs could no longer hold him. He didn't regret getting shot, he had protected Noble he would do it again, he just wished it hadn't come with so many consequences.

"I don't know what to do." He said to himself. He felt anger pulse through him, he didn't know what he was angry at, he just knew he was angry. He got off the couch and found his keys. He jotted a quick note on a piece of paper and left slipped into the bedroom and left it on the pillow

He was speeding down the interstate before he knew what he was doing. He drove going nowhere for an hour, and then somehow he found himself outside Erin's apartment, he didn't know how he got there, he must have driven there and gotten into the building but he only had faith memories of getting there. He knocked on the door.

No answer.

He knocked again.

He heard rustling inside.

"Erin, it's me, can you open the door?" Jamie said, his voice sounding almost like a plea in his own ears.

"Jamie...it is 12:30 in the morning this better be important." Erin groaned opening the door.

"Can I come in?" Jamie asked before he knew what he was doing.

Erin looked at him, she had obviously just woke up and in her right hand she held her gun."Yeah, but you owe me." Erin answered, "Make yourself comfortable."

"Thanks Erin." Jamie replied. He walked into her living room and sat on her couch. She turned on the light and sat beside him.

"Did you and Eddie fight?" Erin asked.

"No, we didn't fight! Why do people always think we are fighting when I want to talk to someone?" Jamie exclaimed angrily.

Erin was startled by this, Danny was the one prone to outbursts like this, not Jamie.

"Jamie, did something happen?" Erin asked.

"I had my physical assessment today to see how I'm progressing physically to give us an idea of when I can get back on the job." Jamie started. "Erin, I'll never be able to be a cop again."

All looks of sleep vanished from Erin's face.

"Are they sure?" She breathed.

"My PT is convinced I will never get full range of motion again in my arm." Jamie answered.

"Oh, God. I am so sorry Jamie." Erin said.

"I should be happy. I couldn't decide if I was going to stay with NYPD or go back into law and the decisions were made for me. I have an answer. I SHOULD be relieved right? I just feel broken and confused." Jamie questions, his voice cracking with emotion.

Jamie looked at Erin. He looked so lost, so confused. All Erin could see was a lost kid. She didn't say anything she jsut pulled him into a tight embrace. He tensed at her touch but relaxed and then he was returning her embrace. And before he knew it he was clinging to her as sobs of grief overtook him.


Eddie rolled over. He wasn't there. It was just after six in the morning.

"Jamie!" She called out. Nobody answered. She frantically looked around and saw the note on the pillow.

Going for a drive to clear my head, be back soon. I love you.

Eddie got up and did a quick search of the apartment. He wasn't home. Her heart started to pound as she grabbed her phone. She called Jamie twice. No answer.

"Come on pick up." She muttered as the phone rang.

"Good Morning." the rough voice on the other line said.

"Frank, is Jamie with you?" Eddie asked, panic filling her voice.

"No? Should he be?"

"No, just something happened last night and I woke up this morning and Jamie isn't home. I can't get a hold of him."


Day 6

Chapter 6 of 12 Chapters of Christmas.

Hey guys,

This chapter turned out to have more angst than I planned. I promise things will get better. I am sorry that this chapter is shorter than others, I have some chronic health issues and I have felt like crap all day. I will hopefully be able to do a longer chapter tomorrow but we shall see.

Love,

Eliza