June 7th, 1994
"Ready?" I asked, my knuckle raised to knock on Dumbledore's office door. The air was chilly and I pulled my jacket closer around my shoulders, shivering slightly. The rage that I had felt paled in comparison to the waves of anger I could feel coming from Sirius behind me. I had explained all about the restraining order, and how Lewis and I had tried every avenue we could think of to bypass the Ministry restrictions – I had told him that recently I had learned that it was Dumbledore who built those walls, Dumbledore who had prevented me from raising our godson.
"Never been more excited to yell at an old man – and that includes all of the time I yelled at my own," Sirius said darkly, reaching around me to bang on the door himself. The sound echoed through the staircase, a melancholy reminder that no matter how much we yelled, we couldn't change the past. But we could change the future, and we intended to do just that.
"Enter." A dreamy voice floated through the doorway, and I pushed open the door. Sirius put his hand on my back and ushered me in, before shutting the door behind us with a bang. Dumbledore didn't even flinch at the sound, but looked at us with his familiar frustratingly thoughtful look. "Mr. Black, you look well. I trust that you were able to get a meal?"
"Yes, sir," he spat through gritted teeth. I could tell that Sirius was holding on to the last inch of respect that he held for his old idol by the skin of his teeth; he wanted desperately to believe there was a reasonable explanation for why he had done what he had, some shred of hope that Dumbledore could redeem himself.
I took one of the seats in front of Dumbledore's desk, and felt Sirius do the same to my side. Dumbledore turned his inquisitive stare to me, and I again felt the familiar feeling that he was looking straight through me, reading my mind as easily as if it were a book.
"So, I understand that you prevented Harry from going to his rightful guardian?" Sirius snapped, breaking the silence suddenly and sharply.
Dumbledore turned his gaze to Sirius and took his time before answering. "Now, we all know that there is more to the story than that. I assume Addison has told you about the protection that runs through his blood?"
Sirius nodded. "Yes. But that doesn't excuse the fact that you allowed Harry to be raised in a household without love – I know Petunia and Vernon, and I know that they would never have treated Harry with even an ounce of the love and affection that he should have known."
"It was for his own good," Dumbledore repeated, parroting what he had said to me when we had the same conversation just a couple of months ago.
"Cut the crap!" Sirius snapped, although he was doing a good job of keeping his temper in check. "It was not your place to decide you knew better for Harry than his own parents. Lily and James wanted Addison and I to raise Harry, and you completely disrespected their wishes!"
"Not to mention, you allowed Sirius to go to Azkaban when you knew he was guilty," I sneered, my anger and disgust getting the better of me. "You have done so much irreparable damage to our family, and its time for you to fix it."
Dumbledore's expression didn't change, but he did sigh deeply before speaking next. "I have made many mistakes – particularly when it came to Harry – that I feel badly about but I did not know that Sirius was innocent until today. That I assure you of – I would never let an innocent man be persecuted from a crime he didn't do."
"Are you trying to say that you couldn't have pushed for a fair trial for him?" I replied, nastily. "You could have done more and you chose not to because it was more convenient for Sirius and I to be out of the picture so that you could do what you wanted with Harry. Whether or not you knew he was innocent, you did nothing to find out if he was or not. You had the power to do so, and chose not to."
I was more angry than I ever had been before. Sirius saw my temper rising, and he put his hand on my knee, squeezing lightly. "You're going to fix it now," Sirius said sternly, tearing his gaze away from me to glare at Dumbledore. "I don't care about myself – I don't really care if you knew or didn't know, or even if you suspected that I was innocent – that's all in the past and there is nothing you can do to clear your own conscience if you were to blame. But you can fix the mistakes you made with Harry by having him placed in our custody – effective immediately."
"It is not safe for Harry," Dumbledore started, but I cut him off with an indignant screech.
"You do not ever get to decide again what is safe for Harry! From here on out, he will be parented by the people his mom and dad actually wanted to parent him – Sirius and I. And you are going to make sure that Harry's blood protection lasts while ensuring he doesn't have to live in an abusive household anymore," I roared, screaming so loudly that the portraits around the room covered their ears in indignation. Many started tittering angrily, but I completely ignored them and continued speaking. "You lost any credibility the moment I found out Sirius was innocent. I don't care to hear your explanation – I know that on some level, you knew that there was a possibility that Sirius was innocent, and instead of figuring it out you stuck your head in the sand and allowed Harry to be neglected. This conversation is over, and Harry will be moving in with Sirius and I at the end of term."
Dumbledore was shocked at my outburst. I had gotten up angrily and was waiting for Sirius to follow, but Sirius was staring thoughtfully at Dumbledore.
"You say it's a blood protection?" Sirius asked, speaking much more calmly than I felt. Dumbledore nodded. "If it is anything like the Black blood magic, Harry will only need to hold an attachment to the place where his blood resides – even the faintest of attachments should work. He should only need to reside there even for one day a year for the protection to hold. The Blacks have some blood rituals that we all partake in as children and we all gathered at Grimmauld Place on New Year's Eve to renew those protections – I lost those protections the first year I lived at Potter Manor because I didn't step foot in my ancestral home for 365 days."
"It is possible that that is true, but I have never tested the theory. Don't you agree that holding on to that protection – a protection that already saved his life when he was eleven years old and came face to face with the shell of Voldemort – is beneficial?" Dumbledore conceded, his blue eyes twinkling with what I assumed was his determination to convince us that he was right. It wasn't going to work on me, and given the way Sirius's cheeks were flushing, I could tell that he was going to go off.
"I think that growing up in a home with a family that loves him and learning to defend himself from people who care about his wellbeing is a better protection than some murky blood magic that you don't even understand, and living with a family that would sell him out to Voldemort in the blink of an eye," Sirius rebutted coldly, his tone giving away for the first time that he was the force to reckon with, not me. He was a more controlled anger, while I was reactive and combative. I felt myself shiver at his cold tone, knowing that he was as angry as he had ever been. "I gave up my family protections in favor of a family that loved me – and I would say that it was the best choice I ever made. I am willing to allow Harry to go home to the Dursley's for one day a summer, in order to renew the protections, but even if that doesn't work he will not be spending any more time than that with those vile people ever again. My wife and I will not accept it any longer – Harry belongs with us, and we will fight you publically for him if you dare to deny us what should have been granted to us twelve years ago."
Dumbledore looked at the pair of us – I was hovering behind Sirius's chair and Sirius was glaring at Dumbledore with a force that took my breath away. Dumbledore finally nodded at us, agreeing to our demand reluctantly. "He must go right there every summer for one day, and then you two can collect him. But keep in mind that I'm not sure if this will maintain the protection or not."
"That's a risk we're willing to take. There are other ways to protect him; Sirius and I are the ones best suited to discuss his protection – not you," I said icily. "Come, Sirius. It's time for you to go finally go home. I trust that you were at least able to handle that much responsibility, headmaster?"
"Sirius is considered a free man," Dumbledore nodded, looking at me with clear distaste for the way I was speaking to him. I couldn't care less what this old, meddlesome fool thought about me; I cared about protecting the people that I love. "There will be an article in the Daily Prophet in the morning, Minister Fudge assured me himself that it would be done."
"That's enough for now," I agreed. "But we will have retribution there as well. Good night, headmaster."
Sirius and I left the office, roaming through the familiar halls on our way out of the castle. I felt Sirius take my hand in his own, holding hands as we walked downstairs just as we had done thousands of times before. We didn't talk until we were outside, the air warmer than it had been when we were out last; I realized that all of the dementors had left, ordered away by Dumbledore himself, causing the chill in the air to dissipate. "I never thought that I'd really be a free man ever again," Sirius admitted in a reverent tone, speaking in to the night, the words floating around us, reminding us of all that we had accomplished in the last several hours.
"I never thought that I'd be able to stand up to Dumbledore like that. The last time I tried, I ended up almost agreeing with him. Thank you, for being my partner. Thank you for getting Harry back for us," I said gently, kissing Sirius's cheek. "I've never been happier than I am right now."
"Me too," Sirius agreed, squeezing my hand and pulling me faster down the path towards the gates. "But honestly, I'm most excited to fall asleep with you in my arms tonight."
June 8th, 1994
Sirius fell asleep immediately upon returning to our apartment; he snuggled under the purple covers, his chest rising and falling gently. True to his word, he had pulled me in to his arms and held me tight as he slept. It was so…natural, being back in his warm embrace. I could feel every rib against my back, and his arms were almost frail looking, but the sense of complete safety that I felt being held by him was something that I hadn't even known I was missing.
I stayed like that, held against Sirius, for the next several hours. Eventually I fell asleep and woke up mid-afternoon. I pulled myself out of his embrace and busied myself around the loft, cooking lunch for the two of us. Sirius didn't wake, however, until early the next morning, almost a full 24 hours after we returned from Hogwarts.
I was sitting on the couch, a cup of tea nestled in my hands, and my feet curled up under me. I was reading a book, waiting patiently for Sirius to wake up, when I heard movement coming from behind the closed door. He came out of our bedroom, looking much better due to the rest that he had obviously desperately needed. He yawned and rubbed his eyes as he adjusted to the dim lighting of the living room.
"Good morning," I said quietly. He looked over at me, a subtly embarrassed expression on his face.
"How long was I asleep?" He asked, running a hand through his disheveled hair.
"About a day."
"I'm sorry," He said, coming over to sit next to me. "I wanted to talk to you more, but I was just so exhausted."
"Don't apologize," I reprimanded him, pulling his head in to my lap so that I could run my fingers through his hair, detangling the knots he had collected while he slept. "You needed to sleep – it's been a long couple of months."
He nodded at me, closing his eyes at the feeling of my fingers on his scalp. He lie there, content for a while as I groomed him. With one hand, I continued drinking my tea. "Did the Prophet come out with an article?" He finally asked, breaking the comfortable silence.
In response, I placed the Daily Prophet in his lap. The lead article read "SIRIUS BLACK – FREE AT LAST!" It was a moderately well written article – at the very least they had gotten a reputable reporter to write it and not the likes of Rita Skeeter. Sirius read through it quickly before throwing it back down on the coffee table.
"Well, that should at least clear my name," he acknowledged, closing his eyes again and blindly reaching for my hand. He put my hand back in his hair, and I chuckled while I resumed my petting of him.
I looked down at him – the rest really had done him so well, he looked so much like himself again that I couldn't believe he was the same person I had met in the Shrieking Shack not even 48 hours ago. "Is there something in particular that you wanted to do today? Your first day as a free man?"
"Yeah, actually there is." He got up quickly and pulled me up off the couch. I followed him with a squeal as he pulled me towards the door that led up to the roof – somewhere that I had barely been in the last twelve years. As we stepped outside, he walked over to the bar to assess our options.
"Yes!" He called enthusiastically, holding a bottle in his hand and reading the label. "My '74 Ogden's is still here! You really haven't even made a dent in our collection, have you?" He said as he continued to peruse what we had stored in the rustic bar that he had set up when he first bought the loft. He pulled out two glasses and poured heavy-handed drinks for us.
"No, I haven't been a big drinker since having Hollyn," I admitted, accepting the proffered drink. "I had actually kept that door locked since she was a kid, not wanting her to stumble up here and break in to the firewhiskey."
"What, didn't want our daughter becoming as big of a rebel as we were? If I remember correctly, we were drinking butterbeer by the ripe young age of eleven," Sirius chuckled coming to join me on the couch. I laughed and launched in to my rebuttal of his claim – we were at least twelve before we started really breaking the rules! We spent the rest of the afternoon upstairs, enjoying the fresh air and reminiscing older times. Sirius in particular seemed overjoyed to be enjoying the fresh air – after being locked in a jail cell for years, I could only imagine that he would want to enjoy every second of time outside that he possibly could.
After a while, I felt the liquor start to go to my head – I could not handle my alcohol like I used to be able to, but it seemed like all of Sirius's time locked away had only increased his tolerance. Sirius was pounding back drinks, chasing a drunk that he couldn't obtain. I stopped after a while, watching him pour drink after drink, admiring the way the amber liquor looked in his hand; the way the smell of the firewhiskey lingered against his lips when I reached up to kiss him.
Sirius kissed me back, his hands gripping me furiously, tearing at my clothes like a man desperate for satisfaction. Before I knew what was happening, I was sitting on the roof in nothing but my bra and panties; Sirius's own shirt and pants joining my own on the ground in a tangle of colors. I climbed in to Sirius's lap and wrapped my legs around his waist in my frantic attempt to get as close to him as possible. I was kissing down his neck as his hands wandered down my back to grasp my arse. I felt fire follow the line of his hands down my spine, the familiar heat in my stomach igniting with each touch. I ground myself against him, feeling just how much he wanted me. Sirius's touch was intoxicating; every time he removed his hands to touch another part of my body, I felt their absence for the brief moment that they were gone with a burning desire.
I kissed the spot behind Sirius's ear that I knew drove him crazy, and he growled before roughly flipping us over so that he hovered above me. He started kissing down my neck again, before he ripped my bra off and sent it flying over his shoulder. He took one of my hardened nipples in to his mouth, flicking his tongue over the sensitive nub in a way that made my entire body tremble with pleasure. He removed his warm mouth and blew on my nipple gently – the juxtaposition of the cool breath against my warm body made me shiver in anticipation. I felt my body react to him, anxiously awaiting what I knew was coming. I dragged my fingernails down his back, trying to tell him instinctively what I wanted.
Sirius understood that I was telling him to hurry up, and kissed down my stomach, leaving open-mouthed kisses against my soft flesh. He got to my panties and made to remove them, but the instant his fingers touched the last piece of fabric protecting me from being fully nude, the panic that I had been suppressing took over and I sat up. A million thoughts ran through my head, confusing and clear at the same time.
"What's wrong?" He asked immediately, removing his hands from me and looking at me like he was scared that he did something wrong. "What's going on, kitten?"
It took me a second to get my buzzing thoughts in order enough to articulate what I was afraid of. Sirius waited patiently, his hands holding one of my hands and watching me with eyes full of concern. "I…" I began. I swallowed and resolved myself to be vulnerable with the man sitting in front of me – the man who had gone through hell itself and was still sitting in front of me still capable of such a gentle expression. "I haven't been with anyone since…Jase." I admitted. "I guess it just got in my head and kind of triggered those memories."
"I understand," Sirius said quietly. "We don't have to do anything, kitten."
"It's not that," I explained. "It's that I do want to. I want you more now than ever before. I'm just worried that it won't be the same – my trauma will get in the way, or you won't think I'm attractive any more, or we'll realize that too much has happened between us."
"You're worried I won't find you attractive?" Sirius scoffed, as if it were the most ridiculous thought in the world.
"I've had a baby since the last time we had sex. I'm not the 21 year old professional Quidditch player anymore – I'm a mom, and my body has changed." I was letting my insecurities air, knowing that I needed to be honest with Sirius.
"We both have changed. I'm not exactly the hot stud I was before Azkaban. I know what I look like now – I know I'm one step above being a walking corpse. Do you not find me attractive anymore?"
"Of course not. You're still the most attractive man I have ever seen. And I love you even more now than I did then."
"That's how I feel about you," Sirius said gently, pushing a lock of hair behind my ear. "I look at you now, and not only see my beautiful, sexy, captivating wife, but I see a strong sexual-assault survivor who raised a child that she believed to belong to her rapist. You are an inspiration." He kissed my nose sweetly, cupping my cheek in his large palm. "And you raised my daughter, to boot – how could I not find that to be the sexiest thing in the entire world?"
I launched myself at him again, kissing him fiercely. "No more serious talk, my sexy, ridiculously loving, kind, wonderful husband."
"But…I am Sirius," he joked, as he began kissing down my body again. He made his way to my panties again, and hooked his fingers in to the elastic waistband. He looked at me to confirm that I was okay, and when I nodded my consent, he pulled them down. He kissed me there, his tongue flicking around my clit in a delectably slow and controlled way. He had my entire body shaking within minutes, having not been touched in this way in a very long time. "And you still taste exactly as I remember," he purred against me. The vibration of his seductive tone pushed me over the edge, and I clenched my legs around his head as I came.
Once I had recovered, I quickly returned the favor, kneeling in front of Sirius and taking him into my mouth. "Fuck, Addie," he moaned, his eyes rolling back in his head and his fingers grabbing my hair tightly. His body jerked against me, and he pulled me up roughly by the hair, stealing my lips in a demanding kiss. "Turn around," He demanded, pushing me so I bent over the back of the couch.
It was fast and demanding at first. He pushed against me quickly, holding my body in a way that I knew would leave bruises in the morning. After a while, he turned us so that I was lying down on the couch and he was on top of me. He then started moving slowly, lovingly as he stared down in to my eyes. It was tender, and passionate; his gaze never left my own. I reached up and sealed his lips in an almost chase kiss.
"I love you, Sirius," I moaned against his lips, as he hit a spot inside of me that caused me to crumble around him.
Sirius followed soon after, swallowing my cries of pleasure within his own, and mumbling out an "I love you," of his own. Afterwards, he lay on top of me, his entire body weight crushing me in to the couch cushions. The weight was comforting, and warm, and I found myself drifting off to sleep in the arms of my lover, the weight of the liquor pulling me into a delicious sleep. It was incredible that after all of this time, he was able to take away all of my fears – fears about how my body looked, fears about how long it had been, fears that he would realize he no longer loved me. He had held me as though I were the most precious thing in the entire world – like I was a rare piece of artwork that he had to handle with the utmost care.
I woke up hours later, wrapped in a blanket on the same couch – Sirius nowhere in sight. The stars were out tonight, and I lay in the warmth for a little while before my rumbling stomach reminded me that I hadn't eaten all day – unless one counted firewhiskey.
I made my way downstairs, wrapping the blanket around my chest like a towel. Upon entering the living room, I saw that Sirius was sitting with Remus, multiple containers of Chinese takeout littering our dining room table. Sirius had a large plate of food in front of him that he was energetically tackling.
"Addison!" Remus called when he noticed I had entered – he had clearly continued our drinking binge with Sirius as his cheeks were red from the firewhiskey sitting in his glass. A bottle of firewhiskey sat between them, halfway empty. When he noticed that I was not wearing any clothes, he averted his eyes in embarrassment.
"Sorry," I said sheepishly, pulled the corners of the blanket tighter around myself. "I'll just go and get changed."
"Hurry back, kitten," Sirius called playfully after me, checking me out with not even an ounce of subtlety. I winked at him before shutting the door to our bedroom.
I heard Remus say through the door – all right, I had my ear pressed against the door to eavesdrop just a little – in an exasperated voice, "I'd have thought the time apart, plus prison, plus a daughter you didn't know about would stifle the sex eyes a little bit, but you two are just as disgustingly horny to watch now as you were as teenagers."
"Have you seen her?" Sirius rebutted with a chuckle. "She gave birth to my kid and still looks that fucking sexy? It's a no brainer, Moony."
I pushed away from the door, grinning to myself like a schoolgirl – not like a woman with a daughter the age of a schoolgirl. I pulled on a pair of sweatpants, and one of Sirius's old Quidditch kits that I hadn't touched in years. The arms fell well past my fingers, and I rolled them a couple of times to my wrists; I reveled in the fact that the kit still smelled like Sirius, even after all of these years. I glanced in the mirror and flinched when I saw what I looked like – it was obvious to anyone with eyes what Sirius and I had spent the afternoon doing. I ran a brush through my shoulder length brunette hair, and once I was satisfied I walked back out in to the dining room.
Sirius and Remus were chatting happily about the last twelve years, catching each other up on everything that had happened. I mean, as happily as they could given what we had all been through.
"I had a really hard time finding a job, so I've moved around a lot. Spent some time with Nicoletta in Romania, but she settled down a couple of years ago. Her and her husband had a kid two or three years ago. I've been back in London since, scrapping by in the muggle world. They're less suspicious, but even they don't like their employees to display a habit of poor attendance," Remus was saying as he picked at the food on his plate. I picked up the plate that Sirius had laid out for me, piling sesame chicken and rice on to my plate. I sat down next to Sirius and began to eat.
"Speaking of Nicoletta…one of the reasons Addie and I suspected you of being the traitor was that muggle bakery girl that you were dating? I had looked in to it and apparently you had been checking in on her and then one day she disappeared?" Sirius said apologetically. "Sorry, mate, but I thought I was on to something."
"It's okay, Padfoot. I admit that I had gone to Dumbledore with my suspicions that you were the traitor. That might be why he was so willing to accept that you were," Remus wondered with a grimace. "Anyway, the bakery girl was named Georgina. I was keeping an eye on her, and one day Dumbledore explained to me that because I had done so, she was likely to become a target. So he hid her – obliviated her and had her move to America. I didn't tell anyone because I wasn't sure who the traitor was, and I needed to know that Georgie wouldn't be killed because I was an idiot and fell in love with her."
I felt my veins turn to ice at Dumbledore's name. "Once again, Dumbledore gets involved and causes trouble for us – all in the name of the "greater good". I swear, everywhere that man sticks his nose, chaos follows." I grumbled, stabbing a bit of chicken with a tad more force than was strictly necessary.
I tuned the conversation out while I ate my food. Every so often, I heard Sirius's bark of a laugh, or Remus's good-humored sigh, and I felt warmth that I hadn't felt in years – the warmth of friendship. Sure, I had the Weasley's and my family, but there was something different about the Marauders – we were pack, and as the last members of it, there was a bond that could never be replaced. I knew that the next several months were going to be challenging; we were going to have to adjust to Sirius being a free man, and all of the intrigue that would follow him, plus for the first time we were going to be a full family unit – Sirius, Hollyn, Harry and I. But I also knew that no matter what, Sirius and I would face everything. Together.
