August 3rd, 1995

The night was cold, colder than it had been this morning flying to Privet Drive. It was quiet, the silence only broken by Moody as he called instructions to the front of the team. I could hear the wind whipping past my face as I pushed my Firebolt, a gift from Sirius for my last birthday, faster than it had ever gone before. It felt as if I had left the contents of my stomach behind; the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach grew the further we got from Privet Drive. The only thing I could see was the headlights of the cars below, tiny little pinpricks driving along the interstate.

Then, suddenly, the sky around us was engulfed in bright light. I looked around for the source, thinking we must have flown straight in to a thunder storm, as suddenly it was pouring. Everything was muffled, the sky still alight with unknown flashes of light from an unidentified source. The wind had picked up, sending my hair flying in to my face, strangling me by getting caught in my mouth. I couldn't see one foot in front of me; the rain was falling in a heavy sheet and the wind was blowing my so forcefully, I was worried I was going to fall off my broom.

A flash of red light flew past my left ear, and all at once I understood exactly what was going on. We were being attacked. By who – I couldn't tell. I looked around frantically, finally realizing that we were surrounded. Harry was still to my right; his face was white and he was looking at me with a determined look in his eyes.

"Addie, are you alright?" He called when I made eye contact with him. I nodded quickly, pulled out my wand and tried to balance on my broom with one hand.

"Kitten, DUCK!" I heard from behind me. I ducked immediately, knowing that it was Sirius who had called out to me. A stream of yellow light just brushed the top of my head; I had just managed to avoid being hit.

"Moody! We need to fucking do something!" Tonks called over her shoulder at Moody, who was shooting spells from his wand on a constant loop, aiming for the men surrounding us. Even Moody, the best fighter of all of us, was having a hard time aiming through the storm.

"It's no use! Storm's too strong. We're going to have to make an emergency landing," Moody screamed over the wind, hitting one of our attackers straight in the chest. He pulled back, grasping at his chest, which Moody had hit with a particularly powerful stinging hex. I saw someone fly in front of me, wand outstretched, and realized that the man was wearing Auror's robes. We were being attacked by Aurors.

"We can't land here!" Sirius screamed, hitting the Auror in front of me with a stinging hex. "They'll just follow us and take us all in to custody."

"Custody?" I screamed. "For what?"

"Never mind," Kingsley shouted. "They can't see us. They don't know for sure who we are. As long as we aren't caught, we're going to be fine."

"Kitten!" Sirius shouted, breaking formation to fly around to my left side, sandwiching me between himself and Harry. "Take Harry."

"No!" I screamed, feeling rain water enter my mouth. I brought the hand holding my wand up to my face, trying to wipe water out of my eyes so I could see. It was useless, the rain was too heavy. "I'm not leaving!"

"Kitten!" He protested loudly, his wet hair sticking to his face, his eyes darting around on the defensive. I shot a jinx at an Auror who was flying upwards towards Sirius, and he changed his path to avoid the spell.

"It's not dire! I'm not leaving you!" I cried, feeling the panic settling in as I noticed that a fresh batch of Aurors were arriving. We were desperately outnumbered now; it was definitely dire, although I didn't want to admit it to myself yet.

"Abort!" Moody screamed. "Apparate to your safe houses!" Emmeline and Elphias didn't need to be told twice; they disapparated immediately. I didn't blame them; they were both older and had been taking the brunt of the attack thus far.

"Tonks, go!" Remus screamed, seeing her hesitate on her broom, looking over her shoulder at us with wide eyes.

"But – " she protested, just as a red stunning charm was sent her way. Remus was at her side in an instant, grasping her arm and side-along disapparating her away. Just in time too, as the spell missed them just as they disappeared.

I turned to Sirius, to tell him Harry and I would meet him at Oak Place just as he was hit in the chest with a stunning charm. Sirius's mouth was open, as if he was just about to say something, but the look of panic in his eyes was evident. I watched with horror as he fell backwards, off his broom in slow motion; I watched, frozen to my own broom, caught between diving after him and protecting Harry. My split-second hesitation was enough, and Sirius was gone. I couldn't see him, I couldn't feel, there was a buzzing in my ears that had nothing to do with the storm and everything to do with the fact that I had just lost my husband, again. All of a sudden, the insides that I had left behind were back like a lead ball, sitting heavy in my stomach. aHa

"SIRIUS!" Harry shouted in desperation, racing backwards towards me. His shout was heartbreaking; he had just watched his father figure fall off a broom from 1000 feet in the air, in to the unknown. I grabbed him by the arm, stopping him from diving down towards the ground after Sirius. "NO!"

"Addie! Addison!" I vaguely heard screaming breaking through the terror in my mind, but I couldn't process what was happening outside of the fact that once again, I had lost Sirius. "Take Potter! Go!"

"No!" I screamed back to Moody, still holding Harry back as he struggled to break free from my grasp. "No! Sirius! Sirius!"

Moody was in front of me as I hovered in the air, a manic look in his one good eye. I hadn't even realized that I had stopped moving; Harry had been several feet in front of me; he had clearly continued flying after I had stopped, before he had realized what had happened. Moody was still firing spells rapid-fire, single-handedly holding the Aurors back. "They'll want him alive, so someone will have stopped his fall. Take Potter and go! I'll take care of Black."

I'd hesitated once before, and fucked everything up. This time I didn't hesitate. In a flash I had Harry in my arms and I was disapparating to Oak Place. We hit the ground, the cheery trees waving around us, no sign of a storm having hit yet. As soon as my feet were on the ground, my knees buckled and I was on the ground, Harry still in my arms. I couldn't tell if my face was wet from the rain or from the tears that were streaming down my face steadily now.

"Addie?" Harry said hesitantly. I knew I must look like I was two seconds from a complete mental breakdown, because Harry had shaken the distraught expression off his face and was now looking at me like I was about to break in to pieces. "Can you stand?"

I realized that I was suffocating him, squeezing him in my arms so that his face was smushed against my shoulder. I disentangled myself from him, reaching a hand up to brush his cheek, which was cut slightly just below his glasses.

"You're hurt," I said dumbly, wiping his blood from hand finger on my jeans.

Harry brought his hand up to his cheek, wiping the blood away hurriedly. "Only a little. I'm fine."

I got up shakily, pulling Harry up with me. My brain was whirling, not able to keep up with the events of tonight. We had been attacked by the ministry. By what appeared to be Aurors. But what if they weren't Aurors? How had they found us, whoever they were? How did they know we were moving Harry tonight? It didn't make any sense – none of it did. It wasn't as if we were doing anything illegal. We had been worried about Death Eaters – that's why we were being so secretive; never had I worried that the Ministry would attack us.

"Let's go inside," I said, wrapping my arm around Harry's shoulder. "We'll leave in a minute."

Harry followed me, his own legs visibly shaking. The empty feeling was back in my stomach, my insides gone just like Sirius. Sirius – gone. Dead? No. I couldn't think like that. Moody had said he would be fine; I had to trust Moody. He knew how Aurors thought. I had to trust Moody that he would save Sirius. The alternative wasn't something I could think about – not if I wanted to make it through this war. As we entered the kitchen, I resolved to push the empty feeling aside, for Harry. Right now, I had to make sure I got Harry to safety.

The familiar kitchen was exactly as we had left it when we had moved in to Grimmauld Place. The flowers that I had arranged on the table – which Sirius had placed a stasis charm on so they would live – were exactly where we had left them. The bowl of fruit was still placed on the kitchen counter, also placed under a stasis charm. Sirius had been worried that if we had left the place looking abandoned, it would be obvious that we hadn't stepped foot in our own home for months if someone came investigating. He had thrown around some blankets and books in the living room, to make the place look lived in; the sight of his favorite woolen blanket thrown over the back of the couch made my stomach turn in an extremely uncomfortable way.

I shook my head to clear it, before rushing to the desk in the living room and pulling down a piece of parchment and a quill. I wrote the address to Grimmauld Place on the parchment and handed it to Harry, who had followed me dubiously from the kitchen, as though I would vanish if I left his line of vision for even a moment. "Read this – memorize it."

Harry's eyes scanned the parchment, his brows furrowed in confusion. "What–"

"Did you memorize it?" I interrupted him. Harry nodded; his brow still furrowed. "Good," I said, tapping the parchment with my wand and incinerating it.

"What?" Harry exclaimed, his confusion evident as he dropped the smoking parchment in surprise.

"I'll explain later. Right now, we have to go."

Harry nodded, hearing the urgency in my voice. I took one last glance around the house that Sirius and I shared; there were memories in every inch of this house – memories that I hope wouldn't always make me feel as empty as they did right now. I put my hand on my stomach, my tiny baby bump comforting me slightly. Just like last time, my kids were the only thing keeping me moving; I had to get Harry home, and I had to see Hollyn.

I followed Harry to the back garden. He was staring at the ground, still shaking. I touched his shoulder and he flinched.

"Let's go," I said gently. Harry nodded, taking my hand. I disapparated, appearing on the front doorstep of #12 Grimmauld Place. I breathed a sigh of relief, being back within the protective enchantment of the Fidelius Charm. "We're safe now," I promised Harry. "Fidelius charm. Sirius's childhood home."

I tapped the front door with my wand, unlocking it and stepping inside. The dimly lit entrance hall was just as dusty and depressing as it had been when I'd left this morning, but so much had changed. I felt the overwhelming loss hit me; Sirius was gone, possibly dead, and I had no way of knowing if he was okay or not. I lifted my head to see Remus standing at the end of the hallway, wand in hand.

"Addie?" It was obvious from the expression on his face that he had said my name multiple times, and that I had not heard him. "Harry?"

"It's us," Harry said firmly. "We apparated to Oak Place and then we came here."

"Harry, what form does your patronous take?"

"A stag," Harry confirmed. Remus lowered his wand, placing it in the pocket of his shabby overcoat.

"Good. I had to confirm. Everyone else is downstairs – they arrived before you."

"Sirius?" I croaked, my voice coming out broken.

"No," Remus shook his head, an apologetic look on his face. "I'm so sorry, Add. He's not here."

"But Moody said he would be okay, Moody said he was fine!" I cried, my voice breaking.

"Harry, go downstairs," Remus commanded. Harry hesitated, glancing at me. I smiled at him tearily – nodding at him to go downstairs. I was holding on by a thread, but I hoped Harry couldn't tell; the look of pity in his eyes told me he could. He went reluctantly, and Remus waited for the door to close behind him before rushing over to me. He pulled me in to his arms and I let myself fall into his chest. I dry heaved; the force of the sobs that overtook me so powerful that they couldn't even break free. It felt as though there was a weight on my chest, and it was so painful that even the gut-wrenching sobs wracking through my body didn't alleviate any of the pressure.

"He's going to be okay. Sirius is tough," Remus assured me, rubbing my back.

"What the hell happened?" I sobbed, laying my cheek on Remus's shirt, which was soaked with my tears. He let me cry for a minute before he answered.

"We don't know. Aurors, it looks like. It doesn't make any sense why they were there, or why they attacked us," Remus said, shaking his head. "We're waiting for Arthur to come home from work; hopefully he knows something."

"He's not home yet?" I asked in surprise, looking at my watch. It was nearly 9PM – he had been at work since before 8 this morning. I sniffled, aware that I was making a mess of Remus's already shabby looking overcoat.

"No. Molly's having a right fit, honestly," Remus said. He was looking down at me as though I were made of glass and was going to fall apart in his arms; the same way Harry had looked at me earlier.

"I'm okay, Remus. I've got to see my daughter – is she awake?" I asked. Remus's arms went wide, but he nodded. "What? What's wrong?"

"Hollyn is…upset. She's been out of her mind, worrying about you," Remus admitted, putting his hand to the nape of his neck.

"Does she know?" I asked seriously.

"Yes. She knows that Sirius was hit."

"Fuck," I moaned, heading straight for the door. The scene downstairs was morbid. Everyone was sitting around the table, untouched bottles of butterbeer in front of them. Harry had joined Hermione and Ron at one end of the table, their reunion cut short by the absence of Sirius. Tonks was sitting in a chair, her knees curled up under her; she was holding Ginny's hand. Ginny was staring blankly at the wall, curled up in her chair like a cat. Fred and George were leaning against a wall, their faces uncharacteristically stoic; they pushed off of the wall and walked over to the table sullenly when they saw me enter the kitchen. Kingsley and Molly were sitting in the center of the table, a shaking Hollyn between them. Hollyn's face was paper-white; I could see the veins clearly through her thin skin, the bags under her eyes prominent.

Remus had followed closely behind me, breaking off and making his way over towards Tonks. He stood behind her chair and placed his hands on the back of it, standing steadily.

Hollyn looked up, finally. "Mom!" She exclaimed and jumped out of her chair. She rushed over to me, knocking the wind out of me with the force of her hug. "You're okay?"

"I'm fine, sweetheart," I assured her, kissing the top of her head.

"Sirius?" Molly asked, looking around the room hopefully, as though he had slipped in without her noticing.

"Not yet," Remus said. Hollyn started crying again, her tiny body shaking with tears. I wrapped my arm around her, holding her tightly against me.

"Nothing to do but wait," Molly said, sniffing but speaking strongly. She got up, matter-of-fact, and turned to the stove. "We all need to eat something."

I could tell that none of us felt like eating at the moment, but I knew Molly needed something to keep herself busy. I couldn't muster up the strength to help her, so I pulled Hollyn over to the chair that she had just vacated, and I took Molly's now empty chair. We both sat down, while Kingsley got up to help Molly pull down plates and silverware.

"Can I help, Molly?" Tonks asked, forcing brightness in to her voice. It was unnatural seeing Tonks upset – her usually vibrant hair had faded to a dull brown, and the change was extremely disconcerting.

"Oh, no thank you, dear," Molly said quickly. "You sit and relax. You had a stressful night." Dinner was more likely to end up on the ground than on our plates if Tonks were to help.

We all fell back in to silence – not sure what to do. I was holding it together solely for the sake of Hollyn and Harry, who were both looking as if they were going to be sick. I had to be strong for them, even though it was the last thing I felt like doing. What I felt like doing was going out there and looking for him; what I felt like doing was taking out anyone who got in my way. What I felt like doing was curling up in a ball and giving up, because if I lost Sirius again, I knew I wouldn't survive it.

Molly put down a pot of beef stew in the middle of the table. When she noticed that nobody had moved to serve themselves, she waved her wand and ladled stew in to each person's bowl. Most everyone picked up their forks halfheartedly and started picking at the food in front of them, but I couldn't find it within myself to move.

"Hollyn, eat something," I said, when I realized she also hadn't moved towards her plate.

"I will if you will," Hollyn shot back defensively.

"Fine," I compromised, knowing that she wouldn't eat if I didn't; she was damn stubborn. She got that from Sirius. I picked up my fork and took a bite; it felt like I was chewing on plastic, although I knew that it wasn't the food. Hollyn picked up her fork and pushed the food around her bowl, not taking a bite, but I didn't say anything. I knew how she was feeling, as though her insides were filled with cement. I couldn't bring myself to eat anything either, and I ended up pushing away the bowl after another half-hearted attempt to eat a bite of stew.

Fred and George cleaned up, looking as if they needed to do something to keep their hands busy. Remus poured tea for everyone; I let mine sit there until it ran cold. After another hour of sitting around, Molly insisted that all of the kids go to bed.

"No, no. You can worry just as well from your bedrooms as you can from the kitchen," Molly insisted, herding the kids from the basement.

"Mom!" Hollyn protested, looking at me in disbelief.

"Go, Hollyn. I'll come and get you straight away if we hear anything," I said gently, pushing her towards the stairs.

"Promise?" She whined.

"I promise, love. Try to get some sleep." I knew that she wouldn't. I knew how worried she was. It was so unfair; she had just gotten her father back – it was unfair that he may have been taken from her so soon. I wish I hadn't hesitated. If I had just moved, I could have…pulled him on to my broom, or un-stunned him. I could have done anything but sit there and watch him fall to the ground…to his death.

I teared up again. He couldn't be dead. My throat was tight, a burning sensation that I knew told me I was about to break down. Molly, noticing that I was getting upset again, laid her hand on my shoulder. "Why don't you get some rest, Addie?"

"Not until Arthur gets home. I need to know if he heard anything," I protested feebly.

"He should be home soon. Any minute now. He sent me an owl just before you got home that he would be home around eleven," Molly said, checking her watch. It was half past already – I hadn't realized how late it had gotten. I was exhausted, I realized. Physically, mentally and emotionally – just exhausted.

We waited another ten minutes in complete silence – Molly, Remus, Tonks and I. Kingsley had left a little while ago, as he had to go in to work early the next morning. He had promised to fire call if he heard anything at all. Just as I was about to give up and turn in, we heard steps coming down the stairs. I selfishly hoped it would be Sirius, and not Arthur, that came downstairs. I saw his tell-tale red hair, and deflated immediately.

"Anything?" Remus asked at once as Arthur pushed open the door to the kitchen.

"An Auror is dead," Arthur said solemnly, kissing Molly on the cheek and accepting the bowl of stew that she was pushing in front of him. "That's all I know."

"An Auror?" I exclaimed, feeling my heart fall in to my stomach – that could be anyone.

"There's nothing to suggest that it was Sirius," Arthur said gently. "I did overhear Amelia Bones though – apparently there was a tip-off that a group of wizards were going to sneak Harry out of the country tonight."

"Why on Earth would anyone try to sneak him out of the country?" Molly asked, bewildered.

"To avoid his trial," Remus said, understanding exactly what was going on. He dropped his head to his hands; Tonks rubbed his shoulder consolingly. "That would be a felony. Of course, they would try to paint Harry in as bad a light as they could. Set the Aurors on him, say that he was trying to flee his sentencing – it's perfect. Plus, they could take as many of us down as they could, and say we were abetting a criminal."

"Right in one," Arthur confirmed, chewing.

"But that's ridiculous! We didn't do anything wrong!" I protested.

"Of course not. But it's all about perception. It'll be in the Prophet in the morning. And I'm sure they'll spin some sort of story about the dead Auror," Arthur said. "I'm sorry, Moll, but I'm going to have to go in early tomorrow as well."

"They're working you far too hard," Molly said, looking Arthur up and down. He was greying quickly this summer, and he had lost at least a stone since he had moved in to Grimmauld Place. He was under a tremendous amount of stress – Molly was worried about him.

I decided that there was no good in me sitting up all night, so I stood up, ready to turn in for the night. I bade the group goodnight, and walked outside the kitchen door. I paused for a second, and then put my ear to the door.

"That poor girl," I heard Molly sigh. "If she loses Sirius again, I think she'll do herself in."

"I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing that they wouldn't disclose who the dead Auror is. I really don't know if its Sirius or not," Arthur mutter quietly.

"It won't be. Sirius is tough – he must be to have survived Azkaban as long as he did," Tonks said confidently.

"I hope so," Remus mumbled. "For all of our sakes."