October 7th, 1995

"Sirius, Dumbledore said no!" Molly shouted impatiently at Sirius, who was in his animagus form and wagging his tail excitedly at the kitchen door.

"Sirius, turn back, now," I commanded, starting to lose my patience as well at Sirius's antics. I turned to look at Remus and rolled my eyes; he had his head in his hands, his eyes fluttering closed. He had been on duty all day, and had just gotten back a couple of minutes ago. I knew the feeling – I'd been on duty the last three nights and my sleeping schedule was suffering for it. I hadn't slept properly in days, tossing and turning all night and napping during the day.

With a whimper, Sirius turned back; in an instant, in the place of the big black dog, Sirius stood with a frown on his face. "No one will know it's me!" He complained, crossing his arms petulantly.

"Sirius, please," I begged, putting a finger to my forehead and leaning my elbows on the table. "I already have a headache – I don't need you to add to it."

"I'll just slip on to grounds, see the kids quickly and then come home," Sirius tried again.

I slammed my hand down on the table violently, causing Remus to jump. "You were almost caught this time!" I said harshly. "Umbridge knows that Harry is talking to you, and you're only making matters worse by trying to sneak out all the time to see him."

"Be reasonable, Sirius," Molly said in a gentler tone. "We warned you not to fire call, and you did anyway – you were almost caught tonight. Harry wouldn't want you to risk Azkaban for him."

"Fine," Sirius said childishly. "I'll just sit at home like a good little boy, why you all run off and have a grand old time."

"Oh, shut up," I snapped, losing the last shred of patience that I had been holding on to. "None of us are enjoying guard duty, and you know that."

"At least you get to leave the house," he huffed, falling down in to the seat next to me.

"Padfoot, I know you hate being cooped up, but you can't hate it more than Azkaban," Remus said calmly, lifting his head off his hands.

"No, I don't. I just hate being alone all the time. Especially in this bloody place."

"Oh, and what I am?" I asked sarcastically. "A ghost?"

"No, but you're gone every night and asleep all day. Not exactly great company," Sirius said coldly. I glared at him, but he didn't back down.

"Fine!" I snorted, hurt evident in my voice. "I'm so sorry that I'm not the perfect wife when I come home after standing all night at the Ministry – oh! And, let's not forget that I'm four months pregnant with your baby and puking my guts up every morning when I get home. So sorry that this has all been such an inconvenience to you." I slammed my hands down and pushed my chair backwards. My baby bump had definitely grown now, and my entire body was aching all of the time – I walked over to the stairs carefully and stormed upstairs as best I could. If Sirius wanted to be a child, and recklessly endanger himself just so he could speak to Harry about starting an illegal Defense Club, then I was going to go upstairs and get a real night's sleep.

I knew that Sirius hated being cooped up and not being able to contribute to the Order. He hated sitting still, nothing to do; and I knew he was losing his mind with very little company to entertain him. Now that the kids were back at school, Molly and Arthur had moved back to the Burrow. Order members still came in once a week for meetings with Dumbledore, but most of the time they either went out on missions or went home to catch up on sleep. Remus was still around, but he, Molly and I had taken up a lot of the guard duty responsibilities, because we didn't have fulltime jobs to attend to as well, so we spent a lot of time catching up on sleep or out of the house.

I felt a little guilty for losing my temper with him, but at the same time he was acting recklessly and living vicariously through Harry and needed to be told that he was being a tosser. I was actually on the same side as Sirius, much to Molly's chagrin, that the defense club was an excellent idea, but on the same token I wasn't entirely ecstatic that Harry was putting himself in danger. Umbridge was a snake, and I knew that; I worried that she would really make Harry pay when she finds out about the club. Hollyn had already written us that she was pretty sure Umbridge was hurting Harry during their nightly detention sessions – she had seen the back of his hand looking very irritated and later that week seen Hermione give him something to soak his hand in. I'd had to physically restrain Sirius from storming Hogwarts when we'd received that latter. He'd sent back a letter to Hollyn telling her in no uncertain terms that if Umbridge laid a finger on her, he was coming to Hogwarts, wand blazing.

Sirius just wasn't acting like the reasonable adult that I knew he was. It was as if he had been transported back to his sixteen-year-old self, sending Severus Snape down the Whomping Willow because he had called Lily a mudblood. Almost as if he didn't care what happened to himself; either that, or he really believed he was invincible and wouldn't be caught. At any rate, it was driving me crazy that he was so cranky all the time. I was exhausted, and aching, and nauseous all the time – I really couldn't handle his temper tantrums on top of everything.

It was hours later that I felt Sirius crawl in to bed next to me. He threw his arm over my stomach, his hand resting gently on my baby bump. He smelled of firewhiskey and body odor; I wrinkled my nose and turned my head in to my pillow to block out the scent. I didn't say anything, not really feeling the need to speak to Sirius tonight; it was becoming a nightly occurrence, Sirius's drinking, and I didn't know what I could do to help. It was lonely, not being able to help Sirius face his demons while handling my own. I snuggled deeper in to the pillow, content to spend another night eluding sleep.


December 18th, 1995

I waddled in to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I had been upstairs, sleeping, but something had pulled me out of my sleep – a gut feeling, I guess. Sirius was sitting at the kitchen table, a glass of firewhiskey on the table in front of him, as usual.

"Hi, kitten," he said, looking at me sadly. Things have been strained between us; so much so that I had actually taken to spending a night or two a week at Lewis and Ellie's, just to get some space. It wasn't a vacation though – their newborn, Carina, kept me up half the night when I was there. It was still better than being at home, and enduring the awkward silence that usually resonated between Sirius and I. I knew that Sirius was hurting. Being stuck in his family's home brought up memories not only of his childhood, but of being locked up in Azkaban. He wasn't handling it well – he was lashing out, making rash decisions, and drinking way too much.

"Hello, Sirius," I said, running a hand through his hair. I hated the space between us, but didn't know how to help. He'd frozen me out entirely since our argument almost two months ago – anytime I was around, he refused to complain, lest I think he was being ungrateful to how I was feeling. We hadn't actually talked about our argument, but I knew that he felt guilty for what he had said. I didn't blame him, not really, but I was going through enough on my own that I couldn't manage his emotions too.

I walked over to the sink and filled a glass with water. I glanced at the picture above the sink; a picture of an open field with horses grazing in the background. Sirius had told me once that his father had insisted on hanging this picture, which was something that his mother had painted, even though Walburga had hated it. It was the only picture in the entire house that wasn't dark and gloomy, and I'd always loved it. I looked down to turn the tap off, and by the time I'd glanced up again there was a severe looking man standing in the portrait, looking very out of place.

"Sirius," I gasped, looking over my shoulder. "Phineas is here."

Sirius was up in an instant, and at my side in the same amount of time. "What is it?" he demanded of the portrait.

"Good evening to you too, Sirius…Addison," Phineas drawled coolly. "Glad you are…not incapacitated." The last couple of times Phineas had popped in to Grimmauld Place, he had found Sirius much more intoxicated than he was currently. I rolled my eyes impatiently.

"Does Albus have a message for us?" I asked, cutting Sirius off before he angrily retorted.

"Yes," he said in his nasal drawl. "The Potter boy, the Weasley children and Ms. Black will be coming to Grimmauld Place tonight, if you'll have them. Arthur Weasley is in the hospital."

"What?" Sirius said sharply. "Is he okay?"

"That is yet to be seen," Phineas replied, in a tone that made it clear that he could care less what happened to Arthur. "Will you accept the kids?"

"Yes, we would be delighted," Sirius said honestly. Phineas nodded, and in an instant had disappeared from the frame.

I looked at Sirius fearfully. "What do you think happened?" I asked.

"He was on guard duty, right?" Sirius asked. I nodded. "I guess we'll just wait and see. I'm not even sure how Dumbledore knows, or why the kids are awake."

I was about to respond, but at that moment, the kids fell from the ceiling – having just been transported from Hogwarts to Grimmauld Place via portkey. An old kettle fell out of Fred's hand on to the floor, and the clatter echoed throughout the kitchen ominously.

"Hello!" Sirius said jovially, opening his arms wide in welcome. "Come in, come in."

I looked at Harry. His face was stark white, the contrast with his dark hair making him look like a ghost. Hollyn was standing next to him, her small hand on his arm protectively.

"When are we leaving?" Fred asked suddenly, breaking the awkward silence.

"Leaving?" Sirius repeated, his eyebrows raised.

"For St. Mungo's!" George said impatiently. "Can we use the floo?"

"You lot aren't going anywhere!" Sirius said sharply.

"Like hell we aren't!" Fred shouted, his face turning red in anger.

"And how are you going to explain to the staff that his children knew he was injured mere seconds after he was brought in, before they've even had the chance to notify his wife?" Sirius shot back, his voice rising slightly.

"We don't care!" George shouted. "That's our father!"

"He knew what he was getting in to," I said, calmly. "He knew there were risks involved with joining the Order."

"Aunt Addie," Fred began, pleading.

"No," I said sternly. "Sirius is right. It will only raise suspicion if you lot show up now."

"We don't care!" Fred repeated angrily.

"Well you should!" Sirius snapped. "This is why you aren't in the Order – you're too young. You don't understand. This is war – this is what we signed up for when we joined the Order. There are certain things that are worth dying for. Your father knows that, and he won't thank you for screwing it up."

"Let's all just sit," Hollyn suggested quietly. "We should all relax a little bit."

Ginny was the first one to sit, curling up in her chair like a cat, as she was so used to doing. Ron followed her, his own face as white as Harry's and looking as though he wasn't entirely sure of what was going on. Harry and Hollyn sat next, and I sat after them, lowering my now large baby bump in to a chair carefully. With a pointed glare from Sirius, Fred and George lowered themselves in to chairs, still throwing hateful looks at him. Sirius, ignoring the twins, waved his wand so that butterbeers appeared in front of all of us. Ginny opened hers and took a sip, if only for something to do with her hands.

We sat in silence for a long time, the only sounds the crackle of the fire and the sound of bottles hitting the wooden table. It was a heavy silence, just as heavy as the night we all sat up waiting for Sirius. None of the kids were speaking, or looking at each other. Around 2AM, Fawkes delivered a note from Molly. Fred snatched it up and read quickly.

"Dad is still alive. Stay where you are. Mum," he read dully. "Still alive? That makes it sound like…"

"He must be in bad shape," George agreed fearfully. "How did you know where he was, anyway, Harry?"

Harry's head flinched up, as though he hadn't expected to be addressed. He cleared his throat and quickly told the story of how he had had a dream and seen Arthur being attacked by a snake. He didn't want to talk about it clearly, since he only vaguely described what had happened. I looked at Sirius, who was looking at me, and we agreed that we would talk about it more later. I hated that Harry was having these…visions, but there was no use alarming the children even further.

Conversation dwindled quickly and we fell back in to silence. At one point, Sirius suggested that everyone go upstairs to get some sleep, but the heated glares he got back in return quickly stifled that idea. I sat next to him, one hand on my stomach and the other holding his, my stomach full of fear. I was anxious to hear something…anything. It was torture, not knowing and not being able to get up and do something. I knew that we had to keep the children here; we couldn't blow Arthur's cover even further by showing up at the hospital with all of his children when they realistically should all be at Hogwarts.

It was after 5AM before anything else happened. The kitchen door swung open, and Molly came bustling in looking exhausted.

She paused and breathed in deeply when she saw us all looking at her expectantly. "He's going to be okay," she said finally. "Bill is with him now."

Ginny and George stood up immediately, coming to their mother's side and throwing their arms around her. Fred breathed a sigh of relief, laughed dryly and picked up his barely touched butterbeer, chugging the rest of it before standing up and also hugging his mother.

Ron looked as though he had taken a breath for the first time all night, some of the color returning to his cheeks.

"Right," Sirius said jovially, clapping his hands together. "Breakfast, I think! What is that." He counted the number of people sitting around the table. "Nine? Sausage and eggs, I think."

He got up and made his way over to the stove. I got up with him, taking plates down from the cupboard. "What do you think you're doing?" He snapped when he saw me trying to balance nine plates. "Give those to me, and sit down."

"I can carry plates!" I said, chuckling.

"Not on my watch," he said back, grabbing the plates out of my hands and pressing a chaste kiss to my lips. The relief that we were both feeling knowing that Arthur was going to be okay had melted some of the iciness that had existed between the two of us for the last several weeks. I smiled at him, which he returned hesitantly. We were going to have to change, I knew that. We couldn't continue the way we've been going; if anything, Arthur being attacked had reminded me that there was no time to lose. You never knew in war what was going to happen, and wasting time being angry at the ones you love was a complete waste of time.

I sat back down, seeing Molly get up to help Sirius cook. Molly pulled Harry in to her arms, thanking him profusely for saving her husband. I smiled, looking back at the table to Ginny and Hollyn. They were sitting across from me, their heads bent together. Hollyn looked good – much better than she had looked last year. She was smiling, her eyes were shining – even with the stress of last night, she looked happier than she had all of last year. When the girls felt me watching, they looked up at me, matching guilty looks on their face.

I quirked an eyebrow at them, and Hollyn leaned in slightly. "Ginny was just telling me about her gift for Michael," Hollyn explained.

"You're still seeing Michael?" I asked, leaning in and lowering my voice, knowing that Ron, who was sitting next to Hollyn, may not appreciate knowing about Ginny's relationship. We spent the rest of breakfast whispering together, and giggling, much to Sirius's confusion, before Molly sent all of the children to bed.

"But Mum," Fred began.

"We want to go see Dad!" George finished.

"Sleep first. We're all dead exhausted, and your father was resting. We'll go after lunch," Molly ordered, leaving no room for argument. We all shuffled upstairs, Sirius and I included, to sleep for a couple of hours.

"Kitten," Sirius began, playing with a lock of hair that had fallen onto his chest.

"Shhh," I said, rolling over to face him, although my belly got in the way. "I know, love."

"I've been acting like a right tosser," Sirius continued.

"Yes, you have," I agreed. "But I still love you."


December 25th, 1995

Hermione arrived a couple of days earlier, and managed to pull Harry out of the funk that he had been in ever since returning from visiting Arthur at St. Mungo's. Hollyn and Ginny had told me that the kids had overheard Molly, Arthur, Tonks, and Moody talking about how Dumbledore believed Voldemort was inside his head. He had come home and refused to speak to anyone, until Hermione arrived and they all staged an intervention for him.

Sirius had relaxed so much, having a full house. Although he and I hadn't been able to go see Arthur – I had stayed behind so he wouldn't feel left out – he had loosened up so much knowing that the house was going to be full for Christmas. He'd spent the last week decorating, going as far as to put Santa hats on the severed elf heads that lined the hallways. I'd tried to come behind him and remove the elf heads from the walls all together, but it seemed whatever sticking charm Mrs. Black had used on her portrait she had also used on the elf heads. Crazy bitch.

Sirius had woken me up this morning, our seventeenth wedding anniversary, with a kiss and a box. When he had been able to Christmas shop, I didn't know.

"What's this?" I asked, sitting up. At my feet was a small pile of presents, next to Sirius's own pile.

"Just a little something for my beautiful bride," he said, his hair wild from the night's sleep. His eyes, however, were bright and hopeful.

"You didn't have to," I said quietly, pulling off the wrapping paper even as I spoke.

"I know," he said with a shrug. I opened the top of the box; inside was a beautiful book bound in a rich chocolate leather. I opened the front cover and inside was an inscription in Sirius's beautiful script.

For my beautiful bride,

Seventeen years later, you are still everything.

-Sirius

I smiled at his words, echoing his wedding vows from so many years ago. I flipped the page, seeing the first ever newspaper clipping that I was ever mentioned in – the announcement that I had been signed to the Puddlemere United reserve team. As I flipped through the rest of the pages, I saw that it was full of every newspaper clipping, magazine article, and gameday pamphlet I had ever been mentioned in. I looked up at him, tears in my eyes.

"You saved everything?" I asked.

"Of course. Remus and Molly helped me track down clippings from the years I missed…" Sirius said, trailing off at my tears, suddenly looking nervous. "Do you like it?"

"I love it," I said, tears falling down my cheeks. "I'm sorry – the baby hormones are really killing me."

"I kind of figure that you could show the baby one day. So that Spud can see what a badass you are," he said with an air of embarrassment.

The words touched my heart. It was so sweet, him thinking of our kid and wanting our kid to know about our past. I leaned over and kissed him. "I love it, Sirius."

"I know that things have been bad between us. That I haven't been the best husband I could be," he said, swallowing thickly.

"We already talked about this," I reminded him sternly.

"I know. But the way I acted is inexcusable. I don't want Hollyn, Harry or Spud to see me act this way. I want to be better, and I will be better. No more moping, no more acting out. You don't deserve that."

"Okay," I agreed, kissing him again.

Later that evening, after everyone had returned from St. Mungo's, we sat around the kitchen table digging in to a beautiful meal that Molly had put together. We all sat in our Weasley sweaters, mine having been made several sizes larger than usual to accommodate my belly, chatting merrily. Remus and Tonks had joined us, along with Mundungus Fletcher.

Harry was sitting at the end of the table with Sirius and I, chewing thoughtfully on his turkey. Hermione and Ron sat next to him, with Ginny and Hollyn next to Ron.

"We saw Neville Longbottom in St. Mungo's," Harry said quietly, addressing Sirius and I. "He was visiting his parents. They were friends of yours, weren't they?"

"Yes," Sirius said. "Couldn't find lovelier people than Frank and Alice."

"I visit them once or twice a month," I admitted. It was true, I had visited them ever since the day I had first seen them – the day I had found out I was pregnant with Hollyn…for the second time. I had obviously slacked a bit in the last year, with everything going on, and I felt the familiar pangs of guilt settle in to my stomach. "Well, I used to. I feel terrible I haven't been in months."

"I can't even imagine how horrible it must be for Neville," Hermione lamented. "His parents alive, but unable to remember him."

"Poor bloke," Ron agreed.

"You can thank my nutcase of a cousin Bellatrix for that," Sirius said darkly, raising his glass of firewhiskey in a mock toast. "Evil bitch."

Nobody seemed to know what to say after that, so the conversation died out. We retired to the drawing room after dinner for games of chess and exploding snap. I sat on the couch, Harry on my left, Sirius on my right, and Hollyn perched on the arm of the couch, showing the kids the book of newspaper clippings. Harry hadn't really known that I had played professionally – well he had known, but he hadn't known how good I had been.

"Addie – you played in the World cup?" Harry asked, shocked, looking at a picture of me flying in the British team uniform.

"Twice!" I said, smiling fondly at the article that detailed how the British team had won in 1986. That was a great memory – Wesley had been on the team too, and the afterparty had been absolutely insane. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that the drawing room door had just open. Lewis and Ellie had joined us, having spent the holiday dinner with Ellie's family.

"Merry Christmas!" Ellie called, carrying a plate of her famous gingerbread cookies.

"Merry Christmas, Aunt Ellie," everyone had called back before returning to their entertainment. Hollyn pushed off the side of the couch, taking Louisa, who was holding Ellie's free hand, and pulling her in to the corner to play. Louisa was getting so big – she was walking now and talking much better than she had been the last time I had seen her, which was just a couple weeks ago.

Ellie made her way over to me, Lewis trailing her with Carina in his arms. I put my hands out, waiting for the baby to be placed in my arms. Lewis leaned down, handing Carina to me; I balanced her on my belly, leaning down as best as I could to kiss the top of her head. She smelled like baby powder, and I breathed in deeply – there was nothing better than the way newborn babies smelled. Carina was absolutely beautiful – she had big blue eyes, and tiny whisps of blonde hair. Her skin was milky white, and her tiny hands were always reaching out towards you.

I didn't have her long before Molly was pulling her out of my arms, cooing. When I protested, she shot me a scathing look and said, "You'll have your own soon enough…I haven't had a baby in fourteen years."

"You used to say the same thing when Max and Louisa were babies," I said, rolling my eyes, chuckling at the same time. I couldn't move though – I was so full from dinner and my stomach was so large. I leaned in to Sirius's shoulder, letting him wrap an arm around me, and let myself be content watching my family interact. It was nice, everyone being together. The kids were entertaining themselves, the adults were getting along, and the fire was casting the entire room in a warm glow. I felt my eyelids grow heavy, and fell asleep in my husband's arms.


January 14th, 1996

Our worst fear had happened. Sirius lay the newspaper down in front of me, as I was eating a bowl of porridge.

MASS BREAKOUT FROM AZKABAN

The Ministry of Magic announced late last night that there has been a mass breakout from Azkaban. Speaking to reporters in his private office, Cornelius Fudge, Minister for Magic, confirmed that ten high-security prisoners escaped in the early hours of yesterday evening, and that he has already informed the Muggle Prime Minister of the dangerous nature of these individuals. "We find ourselves, most unfortunately, in the same position we were two and a half years ago when the murderer Sirius Black escaped," said Fudge last night. "Nor do we think the two breakouts are unrelated. An escape of this magnitude suggests outside help, and we must remember that Black, as the first person ever to break out of Azkaban, would be ideally placed to help others follow in his footsteps. We think it likely that these individuals, who include Black's cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange, have rallied around Black as their leader. We are, however, doing all we can to round up the criminals and beg the magical community to remain alert and cautious. On no account should any of these individuals be approached.

I put the paper down, looking up at Sirius who was pacing furiously. "Antonin Dolohov, the Lestrange brothers, Bellatrix…plus Travers, Rookwood and Mulciber?"

"It's fucking terrible!" Sirius stormed, heated. "The dementors are obviously outside of Ministry control, even though that fucking idiot Fudge still won't admit it."

"Sirius, sit," I asked. "You're going to give yourself a heart attack."

"Bellatrix!" he said again, completely ignoring me. "Merlin, Addie, Bellatrix."

"I know, love. I'm terrified too," I admitted. I was. It had been an enormous relief over the last several years that Bellatrix had been locked up. She was the most terrifying witch I had ever had the misfortune to know – and I'd never even met her.

"Sirius! Addie!" We heard yelling coming from upstairs. I was startled – as far as I knew, Sirius and I were the only one's home. Remus was on duty overnight, and shouldn't be back for another hour at least. Molly had gone back to the Burrow with Arthur a couple of days ago, now that he was fully healed, and Tonks had already left for work.

We both stood, startled, and hurried upstairs. It was difficult, running while seven months pregnant, and by the time I made it upstairs I was severely out of breath.

Remus was standing in the front hallway, his eyes wide. "Oh you guys, it's terrible…I was just at the Ministry and I heard them talking about it…"

"We know, we saw it in the paper this morning," I said, sighing and catching a stitch in my side.

"What?" Remus asked, looking taken aback.

"About the Azkaban breakout," Sirius supplied.

"AZKABAN BREAKOUT?" Remus shouted, his eyes bulging.

"Yeah it was front page news…" I said, trailing off when I realized that Remus really had no idea what we were talking about. "What were you talking about?"

Remus took a second to ground himself. He looked at me, his eyes full of despair. "It's Ellie."

My heart fell, knowing before he spoke again what he was going to say. I closed my eyes, as if not being able to see Remus would make whatever he said next untrue.

"She was leaving the Ministry, having just dropped Max and Louisa with Lewis so she could bring Carina to the doctor for a checkup…Oh Addie, I'm so sorry. Ellie and Carina were attacked…they didn't make it."