Chapter 23

From this point on there will be possible rated M. Not sure how the ratings work so M for safe. Hope it's ok.

Amanda walked over and stood in front of where Olivia was sitting, "I was mad because I wanted to spend the day with you and only you. I know they're your friends and I like them all, I really do. I didn't mean what I said, but Liv they all knew. They knew I had bruises, knew I was assaulted in some way, and they knew I had therapy. I just didn't want them looking at me like they felt sorry for me." Olivia sat with her arms folded and a mad face. Amanda continued, "I don't know why I did or said those things this morning. I'm sorry for treating you like that. You gave me a chance to talk and gave me space, but I left you instead. I really don't know what else I can do other than apologize."

Olivia waited for Amanda to stop, "You hurt me. So, if that's what you set out to do, you did. Amanda there really is nothing else to say, once you say it you can't take it back. You said a lot this morning, but what really hurt was that you said we weren't together and I'm treating you differently. I didn't feel like I was, but maybe you felt like it. But we're not together, you came after me. So what do you want Amanda? Do you want to be with me or do you just want to fuck me?" Amanda's eyes went wide. "Ummmm what Liv?" Olivia snorted, "You heard me. I need to know where this is going. I love you and even if we aren't in a relationship, I want you as a friend because I care that much. You and I aren't that different. I have had people in my life that say they care, but they end leaving me." Amanda looked sad, "Like your last partner?" Olivia rolled her eyes, "I guess I have Fin to thank. Ever since that morning, when you felt me up, things have changed. Amanda you flipped out that morning and it scared me. Full honestly, I didn't want you to touch me or me to touch in that way until I knew what happened to you. Amanda I see it everyday in my job. I talk to victims and I would never want to push you to do something you aren't ready for. And if you are ready you've got to talk to me. Amanda you send mix signals, you don't tell me what you want, so I try my best to do things that I think you would like or make you happy. Then when I do anything you get mad and you never talk to me. So what do you want? Why are you in this. I know this whole thing started with flirting, but then you got hurt and I fell for you. But saying we aren't together, is this whole thing about sleeping with me, because I don't want that responsibility Amanda. If you want a relationship fine, then we can talk about sex."

Amanda realized that Liv was right, she needed to tell her things she liked and didn't like. She also needed to tell her what she wanted, Liv wasn't a mind reader. Amanda was disappointed in herself because she hurt the only person who cared about her and never asked her for anything. "Liv there's a lot on my mind that I haven't told you." Olivia patted the couch for her to sit beside her. "Come on sit with me and talk." Amanda sat down and said, "I want to have days on the weekends that's just us. I want to start seeing New York. I don't know my way around, but the only time I've gone out is school, work, and the doctor. I like your friends, but I want time with just you and not just when we watch tv and you read files. Which brings me to my next problem. You go back to work on Monday and I'm not scared to be here alone but eventually you will be on call and work on weekends, and Liv you're a cop. I keep thinking that you won't be around, it's dangerous, and I saw the Sergeant's exam book. It's been bothering me." Amanda looked down scared to say the last thing. "Liv I want to have a relationship with you, not just have sex with you. I'm sorry I said we weren't together, I said that to make you mad because I was jealous this morning. I never had feelings like this about anyone. I don't even know why I want to have sex so bad. I wouldn't even know what to do. I'm really inexperienced and I guess I feel like if we don't hurry up and do something, that you will find someone else. I'm only 19 and the age plus all of my issues can break us up. I know you're worried and scared about what's happened to me, but I'm not scared of you. Did those guys scare me that night, hell yeah, but I know you wouldn't hurt me. I trust you."

Olivia looked at Amanda's big blue eyes. "Why have you been keeping all this to yourself? Once I go to work on Monday, I will have a schedule and I will be on call sometimes, but we can work through it. Maybe you don't want to hear this as an option, but Melinda will be here as much as she can. I have been thinking about it, you being here so much without me. That's why I want my friends around, they can be your family. I also spoke to my Captain the other day. He has a little office in the squad room that's off to the side and not used. He told me that you can come to work with me and do your online work if you aren't comfortable staying here alone yet. Amanda I have a circle that cares about you, because they care about me." Amanda smiled, "You know I love Melinda for helping me. I really didn't mean anything by what I said this morning. I guess she would be hurt like you. Captain Cragen really said that?" Olivia continued, "Yes he did and he's been asking how you're doing and not because he knows what happened to you. Sometimes people just care and I know you aren't used to it, but you will learn. I won't let anyone hurt you like your family. Sometimes my work is dangerous, but I promise I will always be careful. As far as the Sargent's exam, Cragen thinks it's time for me to move up in the ranks, just like in any job. Promotions are a good thing baby." Olivia sighed long and deep, "Amanda it's not going to be just sex for me. This is why I've been so hesitant to move any faster with you. As for sex, I would rather not pencil it in, maybe let's let things happen when they happen. We can talk more about it okay. I've had my shower and you've been at the zoo, you stink" Amanda said "Hey! Really Liv." Amanda got up from the couch, "Am I forgiven Liv?" Olivia stood up and pulled Amanda in for a hug, "You're forgiven, but the the next time you pull a stunt like you did today, I will have to think of a huge punishment." Amanda turned to head for the shower and felt a hard stinging slap on her ass. "Ouch Liv that hurt." Olivia just laughed. "It was supposed to, don't do it again or I'll get my belt." Amanda looked, "Liv I don't want to ever fight again." Olivia looked at Amanda, "You've got a lot to learn about relationships. If you think we are never going to have another argument, you're crazy. We are going to argue, not agree, have our moments, but Amanda it's how we decide to come back together and deal with us. I love you baby."

While Amanda was in the shower, Olivia started thinking about what she could do to make Amanda feel better. She didn't think she was ready for sex, but there was nothing wrong with fooling around. Maybe it was time to test the waters. She was watching the news when Amanda came out of the bathroom. "Liv do you want me to sleep in the other room?" Olivia looked over with a mad face, "Amanda are trying to piss me off? Want another smack on your ass?" Amanda smiled, "No thanks! I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable." Olivia pulled the covers back, "I'm not uncomfortable, come on get in." Amanda laid back against the pillow and closed her eyes. She was thinking about what Olivia said and how she needed to communicate better, then she felt Olivia climb on top of her. Amanda opened her eyes, to see Liv straddled over her thighs. "Liv what are you doing?" Olivia kissed Amanda on the lips, hard. She then kissed the crook of her neck while she moved her hands under Amanda's shirt and pushed it up so that she could see her flat toned stomach. "Loving on you. I figured after your little temper tantrum today you needed some attention." Amanda's shirt was resting just below her breasts. Olivia kissed her on each side of her stomach. Amanda started to wiggle under Olivia's legs. "Oh someone is ticklish I see." Olivia moved up hovering over Amanda looking directly in her blue eyes, "Do you like this?" Amanda shook her head yes, she looked so cute and innocent. Liv then peppered kisses on her nose, cheeks, and lips as she moved her hands higher. As Olivia had her hands on Amanda's breasts, she said "No bra huh? These are a nice size." Amanda who was speechless finally said, "Liv you know I love yours. Can I touch you?" Olivia laughed, "Wow, now you ask permission." Amanda turned bright red and Olivia grabbed Amanda's hands, guided them to her ribs, and left them there. "Go ahead" Olivia said with a smile. Amanda's hands started exploring Liv's body, while Olivia kissed all over her. Amanda said, "If we are communicating now, I really like the way this feels Liv." Eventually they fell asleep in each other's arms.