Chapter 34

Amanda sat in the chair like she was in timeout. Olivia came stomping through the examiners office. Amanda was scared, really scared. "Liv I'm…" Olivia yanked Amanda up, "Nope! Not gonna happen. I don't want to hear it. You're gonna come with me downstairs, apologize to Sergeant Beck, who trained me by the way. Then you and I are going to the squad room, where you will finish your school work, around 3 we will leave, go to therapy, and we will be having a very long discussion tonight. I've had it with your little tantrums and outbursts, they are uncalled for. Let's go." Amanda stood up and started walking out of the office, when she felt a tug on her arm. "I didn't think I would have to tell this, but you owe Melinda something." Amanda turned around, "Melinda, I'm sorry for coming to your job and behaving like that." Melinda walked over to Amanda, "I'm not going to tell you it's okay, because it isn't. We are all here to help you, but you have to understand how wrong you were. Do you? Do you get that this is unacceptable?" Amanda hung her head, "Yes ma'am."

Amanda thought it was the longest elevator ride ever. And to make it worse, Olivia didn't say anything. She just watched numbers drop and walked off the elevator. This was worse than what her mom would say or do. If she had pulled this with her mother, she would have been slapped and cussed out up and down by now. That's when Amanda realized something, something bad, something she never noticed. She was her mother. Somehow as much as Amanda hated her mother, she had become her. She had embarrassed Olivia and Melinda and they only helped her. Amanda was embarrassed and as much as she hated the idea. She wanted to go to therapy. They stopped at the front desk and Olivia just stared at Amanda. "Well!?" Olivia said with a tone. Amanda knew she better open her mouth and fast. "Officer… I mean Sergeant Beck, I'm so sorry for my unacceptable behavior. I had no right to speak to you that way. It was totally out of line and disrespectful. It won't ever happen again, to you or anyone else." Beck looked at both of them and said, "You're lucky everything worked out." All Olivia said was, "Let's go right now!"

When they returned to the squad room, Olivia went to her desk and Amanda went to her room. She couldn't even think about school work. Olivia hadn't spoken one word to her. Fin knew something had happened and decided to check on Amanda. "Hey baby girl. I see you aren't staying out of trouble today." Amanda looked at Fin, "Did Liv tell what I did?" Fin sat on the desk, "Nope. She ain't talking at all. I'd hate to be you right now." Amanda put her head down, "Thanks for the support Fin." Fin saw Olivia at the door, " Anytime." Olivia shook her head, "Pack up, let's go, because we have an appointment. "Yes ma'am." Amanda said knowing full well Liv was not to be played with.

They walked into Dr. Hanover's office and she was already at the front desk. "Olivia, Amanda, I'm not going to ask how things are going, because we wouldn't be here if things were good. Olivia you asked to speak to me first, but I want to ask Amanda if that's okay." Amanda didn't even wait, "It's fine." Olivia walked towards the door, before turning back, "Sit and don't move." Amanda sat and didn't move at all. Olivia sat on Dr. Hanover's couch and put her hands on her head, "I'm so angry with her right, and even though I know I caused the problem today, her behavior is unacceptable. Dr. Hanover was listening and asked "What happened and why do think you caused it. Keep in mind this is your side and I still need to hear hers." Olivia explained that David Haden was an ex, knew he would be at the squad, and should have warned Amanda. "I can't be sure, but I think Amanda heard us arguing over her. I defended her, told him the truth about our relationship, but I reacted badly and slapped him. Amanda disappeared right after that, so I'm guessing she saw the exchange. Leaving was one thing, I knew she would come back. Her behavior after was appalling. I don't know if she will even admit but her sister came back a few days ago. I think this is all about that. She asked for money for an abortion. Amanda told me she was hurt, but this has to be connected."

The office door opened and Olivia walked out and sat on the opposite side of the couch. Amanda knew she was still mad. "Amanda come on in please." Amanda entered the office and sat down. "You want to start from the beginning?" Amanda breathed in, "I really messed up. She's so mad at me, probably wants to break up." Dr. Hanover wasn't writing anything, "I think she's upset, but I don't know about breaking up though. Amanda you and Olivia's relationship is different. She's experienced, mature, and has just lived life. Your age experiences are molding you everyday. Olivia is trying to mold you into a better person. She told me that, today was her fault, you leaving the squad room was on her. She didn't handle the situation the way she should have, but she's disappointed in your behavior, your reaction, and how you were treating people. What are you thinking?" Amanda looked up, "Can Olivia come in? I mean if she wants."

Olivia joined the session and sat next to Amanda. "I know why I ran today. I saw Liv arguing over me and I've never seen her like that. It reminded me when my mom and dad would fight. I needed air and I left, I didn't think. Then when I realized that I ran and that was the one thing Liv asked me not to do anymore. I was embarrassed to go back, because she was fighting for me and no one has ever fought for me. When I realized I didn't have my bag or my phone, I went to find Melinda. I thought maybe she could help explain my feelings to Liv. That's when I made everything worse. I realized something today, I'm my mother. My reactions, my temper, I've become the person I hate and I don't know when it happened. Liv I know your mad, but I'm sorry." Dr. Hanover asked, "Amanda, did something happen recently, that caused this? You haven't discussed your family much, have you seen your mom, do miss her, do miss your family? Amanda squinted, "No! I don't miss them. They don't even care about me." Dr. Hanover sat on the other side of Amanda so she was sandwiched between her and Olivia, "Well Amanda that's not what I asked. Just because they don't care about you, doesn't stop you from caring. Good people have a heart and sometimes having a good heart is a dangerous thing, because it can get broken. What happened to make you start acting like your mom?"

Tears fell down Amanda's eyes, "my sister came back asking me for money. I wish they would just leave me alone. I told Liv my sister hurt me, just used me, and I let her. I don't know why I did anything I did today. I just got mad and took it out on the officer, because I didn't know her. I kept making everything worse." Olivia put her arm around Amanda and Dr. Hanover held her hand, "Amanda, remember when I talked to you about feelings and acting out because sometimes we don't know how to react?" Amanda shook her head, "Yeah, but I'm getting too old for that. I know right from wrong, and I was wrong big time." Dr. Hanover smiled, "Well I'm glad you think that, it's a good step. I think you need to work on it, not lashing out, thinking before speaking. You've got to get it under control." Olivia and Amanda left feeling a little better, but Olivia still planned on having that long discussion at home.