Chapter 15 / Edge
Date Unknown / Time Unknown
Kayane's Velvet Room
"Is it really you, Miyuki?" I stepped towards her. I was so confused about this situation and what Philemon had said. Honestly, I had no idea what to be confused about first. I needed to be calm and just ask questions. The hope of any of this being even remotely believable to anyone outside the Investigation Team was likely close to absolute zero. Philemon seemed to be amused at this reunion though.
"I assure you she is the Miyuki you know. Though she is quite new at her new position," Philemon mused.
She giggled and then proudly twirled in place to show her outfit. For the most part it looked the exact same as the Yasogami High school uniform but the colors were replaced from the black, gray and yellow with a deep blue, black and gold. Everything proper and in its place...yes she would have been the perfect ideal student if she had made it to High School. That was just how she was...the look definitely suited her, "What do you think? The blue clothes are pretty much the standard for the residents of the Velvet Room."
"You look great," I said honestly and was the only real thought that didn't come with a multitude of questions. Still why would she have a uniform that resembles Yasogami's? That seems like an odd choice. Philemon must have sensed my confusion about it.
"Ah, I have failed to explain it. All things that reside in the Velvet Room are related to the guests that are invited to it. Miyuki-chan's presence and her outfit are no mere coincidence. As I'm sure you have begun to realize...nothing that happens here occurs without reason. Still there is no time to properly explain everything. Now, Miyuki-chan, I leave him in your care. Be sure to be mindful of your responsibilities," Philemon turned his eyes to Miyuki for a moment then he turned to me and put his hand on his mask and gave me a slight bow. "Display your conviction and desires. Overcome the Shadows that have invaded your mind and fed upon your fears. Only then will you expel the entity that desires to twist your destiny to a final fate. Do not falter and have faith in the powers you have gained for yourself. I'm sure some day we shall meet again but for now, farewell and good luck." Philemon then just stepped back and disappeared.
"Philemon? Who was that exactly? I mean I'm glad I got his help and everything," I scratched my head still trying to catch up on what was going on.
"Well...he's my boss. I'll just leave it at that, its kinda complicated and our time is limited. We shouldn't linger here," she turned to one of the two doors that were behind us. Lingering near the playground. But this place...why was it always this place?
"Here again?" I whispered as I put my hand on the seat of one of the swings. Memories of it came flooding back.
"Well you know who I am but I believe a proper introduction is in order. Welcome to the Velvet Room, Ikakure Kayane. I am Miyuki, a new resident of the Velvet Room and your assistant and guide. This place exists between time and space...between mind and matter. It is real but also does not exist. This place is a representation of your mind and psyche. Remember? I have told you about this once before...and this is not the first time you have been here. Look...instead of a field of flowers on the verge of blooming as they were before when you last came here...they are now in full bloom. However, its now covered in darkness...something doesn't want you to return to the sunlight. They intend to choke out the future you have made steps to get to."
"...I remember...when Nanako was in danger. You warned me then..." I said distinctly remembering that encounter. "But why here? And why should my death be something that someone would seek to do?"
"I wasn't supposed to summon you to the Velvet Room then. I wanted to help you...and I knew you just needed to have a little push. The rules of the Velvet Room and its residents aren't exactly clear, so in the end Philemon accepted that if I was able to do so, then I was meant to," she smiled at me, but it only gave me more questions that I wasn't sure I should even be allowed to ask. "Technically it is against the rules to help the human world. Either way, we didn't break the rules first...and it only really applies to Master Igor and Philemon in regards to interactions with humans. Normally the Velvet Room is reserved for those that undergo a contract but you are a special case...a unique existence even among Persona users. Well I suppose there was a contract, it was the contract forged between you and the girl Kujikawa Rise that gave birth to your Velvet Room. The agreement you made will eventually lead to its own trials and tribulations to overcome. This is the reason the Velvet Room was prepared, for that purpose. But it was not supposed to be revealed to you for some time to come. Then again when has anything ever gone as planned?" Miyuki shrugged, knowing how true that statement rang for both of us.
"So this is just one problem and I have many more to go, huh?" I let out a long sigh. "Then again...I never thought it would be easy. Nothing ever has been."
"At the same time it wouldn't be worth it if you didn't have to put in any effort...but right now now there is a girl that loves you. She needs you to wake up. So we are going to get you back there and to do that..." Miyuki took a few steps away from me and turned to the field of flowers and snapped her fingers. Two blue doors appeared in the middle of the field and stone slabs led paths to each one. "Beyond these two doors are powerful shadows that reside deep in your mind...buried in order to force you out of your body. These parts of your mind are also key to who you are, and is the source of your own ability being used against you. We must expel them quickly."
I looked around for a moment a strange thought came to me, "How come this place is called The Velvet Room? I mean besides your outfit...it severely lacks...Velvet."
"The swings have velvet on their seats," she pointed out. And smiled a bit, "Still ever the nitpick aren't you?"
"Well it just seems weird to me...you obviously know more about this then I do," I crossed my arms as I approached one of the doors she had somehow made appear.
"This Velvet Room is yours...it reflects who you are and the journey you have to take...there could be a lot of reasons why it is this playground that we often were at as children. I suppose even I could be unknowingly affecting its appearance. Its hard to say...much like its guests...every Velvet Room has been as unique and tailored towards the guests that are allowed within," Miyuki said softly as she walked closer to me. "Kay-chan...I know we don't have much time...and maybe I'm an idiot for telling you this. No I definitely am. It's really selfish to say since you have a new girl in your life. But...I just wanted you to know that I loved you, and it was why I was prepared to go as far as I did to help you. I mean we were both young so it was probably just a school girl crush that was blinded by both of our situations...I realize that potentially that may have been all it ever was but...that was how I felt then. And why I had to protect you. I felt you should know this."
I knew that...she left behind a journal among everything else that showed how she cared for me, but words on a page meant little when I had been left behind, knowing she would never say those words to me. But...hearing her say it now...and from a body that matches how she would look like if she were alive today. I had no idea what to say or how to react. I'm sure at one point I would have wanted to tell her that I didn't want to be protected back then...I just wanted to run...I wanted to leave with her. Obviously now I know better than that. I know it wouldn't have been good for us to do...it would have only resulted in more problems. But Miyuki's death had been an accident...an outburst of anger from her Father and Miyuki landing just so on the edge of the table...killed her instantly. That was hardly something that could be predicted or prevented. Even if I had been involved with her plan. I knew that was the truth.
"I'm sorry...I know it isn't the time. And it isn't fair of me to say it, you have a girl waiting for you," Miyuki said with a bow. "But I wanted to take the chance while I had it, its one of the things I regret the most. That I had not been completely honest with you." I suppose if I had the opportunity to do the same I would have taken it too.
Maybe if this had happened months ago it would be different. But likely this whole situation would have never occurred if I hadn't been kidnapped and thrown into a TV. My world changed, my thoughts had begun to change. And I had a different outlook on my life than I had before. "To be honest...I don't know how I felt for you back then...I was just a kid. I mean I loved you...but like any kid loves someone. And also you were really the only thing I had in my life that I felt was good. Well you and your Mom...at the time it was the only reason that I felt...I dunno a reason to keep wishing for a better future. But that was a long time ago...I had a lot of people tell me I had to move on, yet at the same time also asking me questions so I wouldn't forget. I just became numb to all of it," I said in a whisper. Miyuki approached me as I looked into her eyes. "Its a bit more complicated then that. But you're older than me...I was just a scared kid that ran to you because you were safe...and then you were gone."
"I know...I saw it...all of it," Miyuki whispered and shook her head. "I wasn't expecting any different of an answer from you. But I think with that we can both move forward and focus on what is important right now. Kujikawa Rise...she saved you in more ways then one...that's the reason why we have to get you out of here. After everything that is happened, I am not going to let you lose your chance to live and finally be happy. You and her don't need to continue to suffer because of the choices of others. I...made you suffer enough, I'm not about to let someone else do it deliberately."
Her words surprised me for a few reasons. One of which was that she was implying that she had been able to see how my life has gone after I had died...and she seemed to know very well how I felt for Rise. The other...she held herself responsible for a lot of what I went through growing up. "I guess you would already know that I would say you shouldn't blame yourself for what I went through after you died. But I know that argument with you would be a waste of time. Heh, still, even in the next life you seem to be the one that is holding all the cards," I shook my head. I didn't need to linger on this...we needed to get started. "Alright let's get started."
Miyuki grinned and took a few steps away before magically producing a pair of sickles for me. She handed them to me and I took a moment to look them over. These were of amazing quality...an intricate design of a thorned vine moved along on both handles and up to the curved blade. The chains that connected the sickles shined and glimmered in the light. "A gift, from me." She winked, "I believe you've gotten pretty good at using them. Also your Persona will work quite well here. I mean we are in the realm of your own mind."
"My persona?" She talked about all of this like she was an expert at the subject or that it was just common knowledge. Well...she had always done things so effortlessly it seemed when she was alive. So maybe this shouldn't surprise me. Then again I had been a kid, maybe I wasn't the best judge but from what I remembered this was just the kind of person she had always been. Still I couldn't help but ask, "How do you know all this? Or landed a job as a member of this...Velvet Room. I doubt it is something you just apply for."
"Knowing all of this is my job," she giggled. "As to how I got the job...it's complicated. Not anyone just becomes a resident of the Velvet Room. I'm not sure how it works, it wasn't like it was something you had to do an interview for to get here. I was approached by Philemon for...reasons I have no idea. More than likely because of my connection to you. Even still I am merely an apprentice and have a lot left to learn. I wouldn't be here without you, if I had to wager a guess."
"Me? What about you?" I was concerned but I had a feeling I didn't really need to be.
"If we have time, I'll tell you," She pulled out a large book...no book wasn't accurate it was more of a grimmoire. "I am now a being that rules over power. Though, as I said, I am really just an Apprentice to Margaret-san."
I raised an eyebrow. "Miyu-chan...you keep mentioning things that just bring up more questions," I was actually more amused than anything else. Even in the afterlife she hadn't changed. I wonder how that worked anyway. I mean she was basically in a body that represented how old she would be if she was still alive now...or was that just automatically what her body defaulted to in the afterlife...or...you know this could lead to a lot of questions I really didn't need the answer to.
She looked to the ground for a moment. "Kay-chan...so much has happened...and..." She moved towards me as I simply looked up at her and smiled. I didn't have to say anything for her to understand. If we got into it...we would spend hours talking about everything. But we didn't have that time...no...that would have to wait...maybe it would take years or centuries from now...but we would have to wait. I'm sure one day we would have more than enough time to fully talk about everything that has happened. "You're right. We'll have all the time in the world to talk one day but for now..." She turned to the first door as I walked up next to her. Miyuki took a deep breath, "...Right now we have to save your life."
I reached out to the door and grasped the knob...turning with some hesitation. I opened it and let the door swing open. As I did a thick fog came pouring through the door. "Is it the same as the TV world?" I pondered out loud...to which Miyuki then held out another familiar object to me.
It was my glasses for when I was in the other world. They couldn't be the same exact ones, but likely just fashioned to be so. Still Miyuki offered a quick explanation as I took them from her and placed them on, "I almost forgot to give you these Kay-chan. You're more used to fighting with them on anyway, right?" Miyuki then pulled out a blue pair and placed it on herself, "I think we're set for sure now."
What an eerily strange situation I had found myself. I was going to be fighting in the depths of my own mind to expel shadows with my childhood friend who had been dead since my childhood. This had to be more unbelievable than jumping into a TV to get to a different world. Either way, I was ready...I was dressed in my usual fighting outfit...meaning my Yasoinaba High School uniform. Along with my sickles and glasses...I could also feel that Tsukuyomi eager to jump into battle. Whatever could happen from here on out, we needed to face the dangers and pull through this. "Anything I should be expecting on the other side of this door?"
"There are two specific parts of your mind that the invader burrowed himself into. This door leads to your memories...the ones most powerful and influence your heart," she said more matter-of-factly. "This will be it, Kay-chan. In order to loosen his hold on you...You will have to..."
"Miyu-chan, you don't have to tell me. I know...I know better than I should what I will have to do...but it's okay...I made my decision. For Rise...I would do anything. After all, it's about time I let go of the past," I spoke softly...this admission was harder than I thought but seeing Rise again was what motivated me right now. It was surprising to me just how much I wanted to see her again. And while I wasn't sure what I would say or do when I finally saw her...those memories of being stuck on that bed while she cried and confessed on me refused to leave me alone. Those admissions she had made to me while I was unable to properly respond to her. There was no way I could let them go unanswered. And so I was going to get back to her, one way or another. "Besides...letting go of the past isn't about forgetting it or pretending it didn't happen. I realize now, it's about accepting it and striving to improve because of what happened in the past." No...forgetting was a temporary fix, like slapping a band-aid on a severed appendage. I knew I couldn't act like I had before...not anymore.
"Brilliant as always, Kay-chan. Besides you should know by now," She moved in front of me and gently placed her left hand on my chest. I could feel the warmth of her touch. Which momentarily confused me considering we were in my own mind...probably not best to think too much about how things work here. "I have and will always be with you. Plus when you think about it, we're siblings now."
I blinked, had I really not made that connection after all this time? Wow, I'm an idiot. "You know...after all this time I never thought of the fact when your Mom adopted me we became brother and sister," I laughed and so did she. Oddly enough something about this revelation put me at ease and found myself smiling. "Should I call you Nee-san now? I have a feeling you'd probably prefer something like Oneesama though..." Well I had been adopted but I had kept my last name...for the sake of my parents more than anything. That's what Mom...or Nanase had insisted. Just because my Uncle had been such a horrible man didn't mean my Parents didn't deserved to be honored by carrying on the family name in their stead. It was an odd instance because all though they were adopted...I had the family name Ikakure...my Adopted Mother had the family name Tsukio and Miyuki's family name was Fujikara as her Mom, well our Mom, did not take her Fathers name when they married for the sake of retaining the renown she had in the music industry. Well it sounded more complicated than it actually was. Although it probably was a little complicate as Japanese laws for marriage and changing of names was actually pretty well laid out. If I remembered correctly they had to have the named changed within 6 months. I hadn't really asked about it, but more than likely Mom had gone to court to give her unique case about her name. Then again for a long time I never showed interest or cared about anything. I just stayed to myself not really living...and as such...life passed me by, not caring about what I did.
"I can get behind Oneesama. Should I call you Onii-chan?" She countered with a raised eyebrow. We both kept a serious look on our face before the two of us were laughing once again. "Alright now, Onii-chan. Get serious." She giggled but clearly trying to focus herself.
"You are just as much to blame in this you know, Oneesama," I chuckled as I turned towards the door, the effect of the glasses were obvious. Immediately cleared the fog from my view that had been coming from the door and further within. I wanted to know why they had the same function here...but this place was probably similar enough to the TV world that the fog from there had invaded my own mind...brought by whatever entity that had hijacked my own power against me. I remembered those hands that had pulled me deeper into the fog as I lost connection to my own body. This was probably the same fog. "Not long ago...I didn't even believe there was anything beyond just regular life, not that I had really been living it. Then I was kidnapped and forced to face sides of myself I had tried to ignore and forget. Now...I know that things are much more complicated than I could have imagined...Shadows...Persona's...it all seems so crazy and yet makes everything fit into place. That there is an order to this madness."
"Philemon gave me a vague explanation. All life needs balance. There would be no order if there was no chaos...and there would be no good without evil," Miyuki said with a shrug. "I think vague is just the MO of Philemon and Master Igor."
"Shakespeare once said that there was no such thing as good and evil but thinking makes it so," I said peering through the door and hesitating from stepping in side. "In the end we're ultimately the ones that create it...because by our nature we question our existence and question even the meaning behind our own actions. So you could debate that the whole concept is born and dies with humans themselves."
"You are more right than you know, Kay-chan," Miyuki's voice seemed somber but she held a smile on her face. She seemed crossed between impressed and sad, either way what I had said indicated that she probably knew something that bothered her related to this subject. Either way there was no point dwelling on it now. That was more of a philosophical debate and had little to do with what I needed to accomplish. What we were about to do was not going to be easy from the way both Miyuki and Philemon had talked about it.
"I will have to face myself once again," I shook my head. "But this time I know what to expect. Let's go, Miyuki."
"Right behind you, Kayane." She grinned from next to me.
I then finally moved forward and through the door. It was more than just walking between two rooms...it was more like walking from an oven to a freezer. The temperature difference was significant enough that I felt my body shiver. Slowly the room I had moved into became more familiar. This was the house of my Uncle, the prison of my childhood. If this was truly within my mind, then it explained why it felt this way. In this house...only cold things resided within, and if it was supposed to be the depths of my memories it only made more sense, as sad as that realization was. There was no reprieve within these walls...only a cold dread laced with fear of every corner of this place. So I wasn't surprised when I found this place heavily populated with Shadows. The house itself was gigantic...because that was how it had felt to me as a child. A gigantic cold un-feeling place where no happiness could be found...only pain and loneliness. This was a nightmare pulled straight from a tortured child's memories. And likely amplified with whatever that had invaded my mind.
"So this place is...a representation of my thoughts and memories of this place...turning it into a labyrinth," I shook my head. "Is it like the one in the TV world?"
"That place was built with a different power than this one," Miyuki commented from beside me. "The intruder has influence here...making things more twisted than before. Be careful he will try to confuse you and force your Shadow to return."
"You mean my Persona?" I asked.
"They are very much one and the same," Miyuki didn't seem surprised that I had made that conclusion. "Just remember...the power of Persona stems from you. You cannot look away from your problems. This is the reason the powers of Persona even exist. To give you the mask to wear to face the problem ahead of you, give you the strength to face what normally you could not. You found this out first hand when you used your new skill against that last Shadow. You situation and your determination was what gave you what you needed, nothing else."
"You're referring to 'Symphonic Discord' that I used to separate Namatame from that mass of Shadows. I had the idea...and I just knew if I charged him it would work..." I looked back at Miyuki. "You really have been with me all this time."
"I promised you when we were kids, Kayane. I would always be with you," she said softly with a smile. "Just maybe not like I had originally intended, and it wasn't that easy. But now I can really always be with you. One of Philemon's main selling points of making me a Velvet Room attendant in fact."
I tried not to dwell on her words too much. It was obvious that she really knew all about what had happened to me after her death. However that fact came with a myriad of uncomfortable truths. That would mean she knew about how I had given up on life, about my suicide attempts, and my addiction to cutting. She was more than aware of how much of my life I had simply let just go by me. The only thing that I ever had done that could be considered to be a good way to spend my time was learning the piano and other instruments. The only thing good about my life was my time with music. That was hardly anything to write home about...at least not yet. Only way it would become anything is if I defeated these Shadows and kicked out whoever decided it was my time to die. If I hadn't been able to make that decision when I tried to commit suicide in the past, then there was no way I was going to let someone else succeed where I failed in this regard.
Instead I re-focused on what I needed to do. I could feel instinctively where I needed to go. The stairs was towards the back. Without Rise here I needed to rely on my own senses...which I seemed to do be able to do more of here. Then again it was my own mind, so in a strange way it made sense. I doubt I would be able to do this as accurately in the real world...well...was the TV world still apart of the real world? Ugh...that was a headache and a half to think about.
If they were low on time then they only needed to cut down the ones in front of them. Tsukuyomi leaped forward from me with barely a thought and unleashed a devastating Vorpal Blade on the Shadows in front of us. It was not a time to question method or approach into this place. Instead I pushed forward into a jog as I headed towards the stairs and watching for ambushes. It was similar in layout and feeling to the one in the TV world...perhaps as it was born out of my mind that it would naturally be inherently similar to the version in the TV world. After all each place was born from my mind to create its chilling halls. I guess that fact spoke volumes about myself.
The stairs to the next level came into my sights as we rounded a corner. Shadows leapt at us from all directions but I only focused only on the ones in my way. Tsukuyomi released yet another Vorpal Blade to effective results allowing me to run up the stairs without a pause or missing a step. Summoning Tsukuyomi was damn near instantaneous...was it because of our location that my Persona came so easily? And it didn't tire me out like it did in the TV world? Perhaps in this place I held the advantage over the invader...
Then as if Miyuki knew my thoughts she gave a short explanation, "You've probably noticed by now but within this place you don't have to summon Tsukuyomi as you do in the TV world. Here he is always right by your side awaiting your command. Within this place he will not tire you from manifesting him either. After all, this is your mind so this is effectively his home."
Well it made sense...we were in my mind after all. Maybe I should find it more curious how I have a physical form within my own mind. I definitely was worried about the sheer number of shadows that seem to populate it. Still I pressed forward. The next few floors were simple to navigate...only a couple times did I have to halt just long enough to deal with the Shadows...and during this time Miyuki had hardly needed to do a thing. She just kept my spirits high and focused on our task. It made sense to me though...if they were not supposed to directly influence the lives of mortals then she shouldn't help any more than she needed to. Just having her here was a miracle in itself. Or had a deeper and significant purpose that even she wasn't aware of.
It was hard not to think about Miyuki's situation. There was some pretty ridiculous facts I could make assumptions about based on what she had said so far. Well...for one this meant that there was life after death. And it seemed like there were still some sort of law or order to how things worked in this apparent afterlife. The man named Philemon obviously had a significant measure of power. But he had rules that he had no choice to obey on the use of that power. He was the reason why I was given a chance to fight against whatever, or whoever, had invaded my mind...as well as the reason for Miyuki was here. And it seemed that obviously he had chosen her for my benefit...because he knew I would be more accepting of my situation with her around. Another thing to consider was that Miyuki knew about Persona and Shadows...and seemed to know more about the nature of them than she was allowed to divulge. It seemed like working in the Velvet Room came with a lot of red tape. And she kept mentioning a Master Igor...or Margaret whom she was supposedly a apprentice to.
None of that was of significant importance to what I needed to do...only that the situation had forced a being like Philemon to take action. And why I was running up another staircase to yet another floor that resided within my mind. We had reached the top...the door with the all too familiar scratches on it stood in front of me. I looked to Miyuki. "You said that this place is my memories...the ones that most affect my heart?"
"Yes, but the shadow has twisted them...empowered them to be worse than you remember. Trying to weaken your heart. That is why we are here...we must illuminate this place with the truth," she smiled softly. "It will not be easy...as we may end up reliving these moments as if we were there...but we must reach the end to get to the Shadow." To relive that time in both our lives that I spent so much time trying to forget. And this Shadow would twist them...
"So it recreates memories and makes them worse than before? Figures," I muttered taking a moment to gather myself. "So if this is my memory..." I thought briefly what we may have to face in the door beyond this one.
"Let's wait to worry about the next door until after we clear this one," Miyuki answered before I had even finished asking. I nodded and looked at the door. Was I really prepared for this? Then again was anyone ever ready to face the part of their past they wish had remained forgotten? And I didn't have time to dwell or properly prepare myself on this. I needed to get back...back to the realm of the living. Back to Rise and the others. Admittedly I was thinking more about Rise than anyone else.
I moved forward and opened the door. Light came pouring in and after a moment I realized that I felt...different. When my vision cleared...I could easily understood why. A fist connected with my face and knocked me against a wall, which I had no recollection of being so close to. My vision blurred but, before it could correct itself, I was smacked hard on my left cheek and my head hit the wall again. I went to protest but a large hand gripped my throat and suspended me in the air and slammed me against the wall. I went to breathe but no air came...I felt my lip and the blood coming from a new cut. Or maybe it was just reopening an old wound. The lips were easy to cut...and easy to bleed from. My hands gripped the hand that was against my throat trying to find a way to get air to my lungs that screamed for oxygen. Just before I went limp I was thrown to the ground and immediately I gasped for air. Then the air around me was filled by a hateful voice my body would never forget.
My Uncle spoke to me, no that was inaccurate. He yelled, threatened, his voice was not a comfort to anyone but himself...it hardly mattered what he said, I didn't understand a lot of what he said...or why he was so angry at me. Why he was always angry at me. What I did know was how every word he spoke was laced with an incredible amount of hate, rage and malice. Was it something I had done? Could I have prevented this? Why did my Uncle hate me so much? Maybe he was angry because my parents had dumped me onto him because they had died. Even so it wasn't my fault...right? I mean children were often quick to shift the blame onto someone else...maybe I had done the same as a child. Would that change how I looked at the past? This was all I remembered...just pain. My Uncle...a bitter rage filled man. He had no wife or companion in life...all he had was the son of his brother who had died some years ago. As the only living relative I had become his responsibility. Although why he had accepted that arrangement...I didn't know. Perhaps out of some self-imposed rule because we were blood related. I guess if I wanted to know that...then I would have asked him in a letter a long time ago...not that he would have reason to share his reasons with me. After all he had never wanted me in his life.
Once again the image of my Uncle came forward and grasped at me. I tried to get beyond his reach but he caught hold of my leg and pulled me back against my will. Once more he wrapped his large hand around my neck and slammed me against the wall. The pressure on my throat cutting off any air. He held it longer this time...my body screamed for breath. The burning in my lungs got worse as my body begging to obtain its next breath. I fought hard...kicking and fighting every second to get the oxygen I needed. Suddenly I was dropped to the floor...my head hitting the ground hard as I was too weak to prevent further injury to myself. My vision didn't seem to want to correct itself...and the color red clouded my vision. Blood...it likely meant I must have gotten a cut from the top of my head...it stung my eyes but the pain from my lungs as it took in much needed oxygen drowned that out.
The only external source of my senses I picked up now was audio. The door slammed followed by the click of the lock. That sound instantly made me relax and my breathing finally got under control. Although, my vision refused to focus. Still I just focused on my breaths until I was finally breathing normally again. My eyes stung a bit but it seemed like it wasn't getting worse. Then I heard the window open and the sound of feet hitting the hardwood floor.
"Kay-chan," said a whispered sympathetic voice. It was Miyuki. I felt something damp touch my eyes. A wash cloth...Miyuki cleaned me up a bit before leaving the damp cloth over my eyes to sooth the pain. "Looks like you're going to miss school a couple days." A conversation from those days was happening again.
"That's fine," I muttered. "Not like I'll be missed."
Miyuki said nothing but I felt her sitting next to me. Yeah...I remember this now. How had I ever forgotten? Not long after Miyuki had found out about what my Father did to me she would often sneak into my room from the window and take care of me. Then it would end up like this...me trying to recover...and us sitting in silence. Often times Miyuki would force me to lie in her lap or just hold my hand. Still a strange thought entered my head. This was within my own mind. If this was how I remembered it...and combined with my thoughts from earlier...it came back lingering in my head.
"I wonder what caused my Uncle to be the way he is..." I said softly. Had I never tried to look at it from his perspective before? It isn't about trying to find a reason to excuse him for what he did. I would never forgive him for that...but to understand why a man could be driven to do such acts against his own nephew. I wasn't that scared little boy anymore. And unlike what most people believe, such behavior typically had a reason. "Maybe...he just didn't know what to do...or maybe the same thing happened to him as a child."
"I'm surprised you would think about that considering all he did to you," Miyuki giggled a bit. Obviously this was the real Miyuki not the one from the past. I was in way too much pain to move or remove the washcloth from my eyes to look at her.
"Well honestly...I know enough now to entertain the thought...that his situation in life was too much for him to handle," I shook my head. "It doesn't excuse what he did. And I won't forgive him...But I wouldn't mind knowing what brought him to it. Why did he hate me? Maybe it was because I looked like his brother...my Dad who had died. He could hate that I survived when his brother didn't. But even knowing that answer wouldn't change anything...but I would know the truth behind the reason he hit me."
"What if he was just a bad person?" Miyuki spoke without hiding her disdain for my Uncle. She could see it when it happened in my youth. As fate would have it, her room was across from mine, giving her a clear view of what my Uncle had did to me. And it was also the reason I found out what her Father did to her. "I always wanted to rip out that man's throat for how he talked to you."
"And I wanted to rip off your Father's arms because of how he touched you," I countered with equal disdain. "And then he took your life."
"Kayane...we were both screwed up...and we both felt powerless," she whispered calming her anger. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you what I was going to do. I thought I could save both of us...and that I wouldn't have to put you in danger to do it. Rather...I refused to put you in more danger than you already were."
"I know that," I sighed, it wasn't like I had never understood why she did it. The blame I placed on myself was because I knew she was going to do something but instead of speaking up and trying to help her I just clammed up and said nothing. Letting her protect me as she always had. I knew it was because as a kid I thought that Miyuki could do anything, that if anyone could stop all of it...it would be her. "I never blamed you though. I just...broke down...my mind it..."
"...she left me," the voice that came from the darkness was mine. And I recognized the tone. It was me...my Shadow, or rather another Shadow that represented a different part of me...specifically the memories of my past...the past that most affected my heart. "There is no reason without her. Life is dead, I am dead...all that remains is the ice cold barren land that will eventually claim my life. What is the point in living when hers ended so easily? Why couldn't I have died too? I deserved it much more than she ever did."
I sat up and removed the cloth...my vision returned to me and I was no longer my younger self. The room had gotten bigger...and Miyuki adorned in blue velvet sat by my side. She quietly offered her hand and we both got to her feet and turned to face the Shadow that was claiming to represent my past.
"She left me with nothing. She was the only thing that I had in my life. I had nothing if I didn't have her. She was the only reason I wanted to fight for my future...when she died...she took my hope for the future...and without hope there is..."
"...only desolation. An endless sea of black where I would forever wander until I am able to die myself. Yes I felt that way for a long...long time," I interjected. "Life moved on without me...before I realized years had passed...and at long last I tried to join her. But death didn't want me...it wasn't my time. I wondered how long I would be forced to wander this idiotic barren wasteland called life. But all of that has changed...I no longer feel that way anymore." I shook my head looking over to Miyuki for a moment. "It changed when I heard a song. It was like the breaking of dawn to realize there was such a beautiful field around me. I began to think...maybe there was more to life...maybe there was something that was worth living for. It was music by Kujikawa Rise that awakened me back to life."
"And if she were to die?" My other self said which made me freeze my thoughts. My mind recoiled from the thought instantly. "What do you think would happen? Do you honestly think you would get through that? No...if that happened you would pick up a gun a blow a hole through your fucking head...without hesitation. Kujikawa has infected you with a disease. You cling to a false hope that she means something to you. All she is...is an object that makes you feel better. She is nothing but a doll to be used and discarded. Nothing but a replacement for what you hoped you could have had with Miyuki."
"No...you're wrong. An object to make me feel better? A replacement?" I shook my head. "I spend most of my time scared out of my mind after Miyuki died. So many people tried to help me, but I refused it. I made the choice not to get better, to not move on. Instead I tried to reject the world and even myself. All I did was merely exist because I was a coward that could never accept what had happened to me. I had to face myself and go face to face with everything I had buried deep inside. And now, because of Rise I had to face emotions I had left buried deep within myself. Emotions I was terrified of ever experiencing. And yes...I am scared that after opening my heart again that I could lose her. That I will have to face that pain all over again. But hiding away from the world is no way to live. So that is why I came to a decision. I would take the risk of losing everything...and try to live with Rise. I'm not going to just let life pass me by. I want to finally live it."
"But you will never be happy...you will forever be haunted by your past. You will never get over Miyuki's death!" My other self yelled the declaration.
"Yeah...I know. It will be something I will forever have to deal with. I will always blame myself for not being able to help her. It won't ever go away. However..." I brought up my sickles this time and pointed at him with the one in my left hand. "Accepting the past doesn't mean forgetting. It means moving on and learning from my mistakes...and I will never hesitate like that again!"
The shadow groaned as its form faltered, then it suddenly began to gather other Shadows from all around us. Its screams sounded less human and turned into the growls of a beast.
"That's good Kay-chan! You've forced it to take its true form. Now we can expel it from your mind," Miyuki said from next to me...her grimoire floating in front of her. "Be on your guard, he is an extremely strong Shadow."
"Never thought I would be fighting Shadows with you by my side," I said smiling a bit as I took a defensive stance. "I shouldn't be too surprised...life sure is a lot more complicated than I thought."
"No life is simple. What complicates it are all the people jealous of it," Miyuki said softly. "For that reason there are individuals that target people like you, Kayane. People with more power than anyone should ever have. They can see what you went through and how you came from trying to end your life...to finding a reason to now fight for that life. It's something that beings of power are jealous of because they'll never have that."
"Life is haunted by the darkest emotions of humanity...but humans are also the same ones that can overcome it and experience it. Come on, Miyuki. You may have watched over me all my life but it's time I show you how much I've grown. And just how strong my resolve is to live!" I charged forward with Miyuki at my side. This time I wouldn't stand by and watch. This time I would act and create the future I wanted by moving forward. And I wouldn't let anything...even the pain of my past get in the way. Rise was waiting for me. I could hardly imagine my life without her. And I didn't want her to know what life would be like without me.
December 3rd, 2011 / Evening
Hospital Hallway
RISE'S POINT OF VIEW
Their lying...their lying...their lying...its all a lie...he can't...he just can't be... Was I moving? I think I was being eased out of the hospital room...but I hadn't wanted to move from his side. No...but seeing him like that...I don't think I could do that either. But I couldn't see...I didn't care to see...my vision blurred by the tears that would not stop. Someone took me and guided me...and after a moment was eased to sitting down.
"Doctor...is it true?" this voice, it wasn't any of the investigation team...it was Dojima. Yu-senpai's Uncle.
No, don't ask that question. Don't answer it...say nothing...say nothing. Let it be a nightmare...just let me wake up from this. It can't be real...none of this can be real.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. We did everything we could. Even with calls from specialist around the country and the different tests we did...we could not determine what caused this," the doctor himself sounded frustrated.
No...no he's lying...he knows...he has to know they they...they did this to...
"Either way, this changes things. Thank you for doing what you could," Dojima said before walking off.
This...changes things? But why would it...Then it hit me, the person really behind this. Namatame...he won't get away with this...he...HE MURDERED KAYANE! That was it...because of this...he had killed someone else...somehow...he was the one to blame for this. Kayane...KAYANE!
"AAAAAGHH!" Kanji yelled out and turned and punched the wall. This tore me from my thoughts enough to realize it was Naoto next to me that had been comforting me. "This is such bullshit!"
"Dojima-san...? Wonder what that panicked look was for..." A new voice entered. It was Adachi. I couldn't be bothered with this...my tears refused to stop even for a moment but my anger was slowly turning to rage. "Huh? What's wrong, everyone? Huh...? Wait...Is Ikakure... Hold on a minute...wasn't his Mother around here?"
"His Mother? She headed off that way...I thought it would be best to give her some space," Yu-senpai added.
"But if she went that way...thats the way to...his room..." Adachi muttered but I heard it.
"What! He's here?!" Naoto got to her feet, and this sudden turn broke my tears enough to clear my vision and get to my feet. That's right...Nanase was hurting too. Probably more than me...but what did Naoto mean that he's here...did she mean...Namatame? Why would the police bring the man responsible for Kayane's fate here? I wiped away my tears and found my heart pumping faster. If he was here then...
"Namatame is here? You transported him to the same hospital!? For crying out loud, he's the suspect in the case!" Yosuke said as he approached Adachi.
"Wh-What are you getting mad at me for? This is the biggest hospital in the area, and he's been in no condition to be moved..." Adachi shook his head.
"Why didn't you say anything? I doubt Tsukio Nanase wanted her son to be treated in a hospital with the one who put him here," Yu seemed to growl with his own anger.
"In case something like this happened! The details of a suspect's hospitalization is confidential information...but Tsukio-san might have overheard something from the officers downstairs," Adachi seemed irritated but that wasn't important to me...the bastard that murdered MY Kayane was in this hospital.
"Just tell us where he is already! Tsukio-san probably headed that way, ain't she? You don't know what she's gonna do there if we don't stop her! She just lost her son!" Kanji threatened knowing there was no time. I kept my mouth shut this time.
"Kanji-kun, you don't mean..." Chie started but she didn't finish...because those were the exact thought that likely crossed everyones minds. They had crossed my mind before learning he was here.
"H-Hold on...Just what are you guys talking about...?" Adachi couldn't be that dense.
"Cough it up!" Kanji pushed Adachi against the wall. "Where's his room!?"
"Urgh...T-Top floor in the second surgical ward, furthest room back...B-But...there's a police guard..." As soon as he said that Kanji dropped him as we all ran off towards the stairs, we were on the third floor, but there were four floors.
My vision was better now and my tears had stopped...for the moment my focus was on Nanase...I couldn't let her do something like this. Not her at any rate...Kayane would never want that. We rushed up to see two policeman and Dojima trying to pull her back. It broke my heart to see Nanase like this.
"Out of my way! This man...he took him...he took Kay-chan from me! He was smiling again! He was finally living...and you took that away! No one...and I mean no one deserved a chance to live like he did! Give him back! GIVE HIM BACK! LET ME GO! HE DESERVES TO DIE!" Nanase had lost all her sense as she clawed and fought to move past the three men.
"Dojima-san...you should be careful...you'll re-open those wounds," a police officer warned even as he struggled to hold Nanase back.
"Tsukio-san, please you need to give yourself time from..." Dojima tried to plead with her.
"What about the time taken away from my Son! He...he was all I had left in this world without him...I...I..." Nanase was losing her strength, the reality of it was probably coming to her now. I took this chance and quickly rushed up to her and pulled her away. "Rise-chan?" She didn't resist me.
"Please, Tsukio-san...this isn't what he would want from you," I said softly.
"Ma'am...we understand how hard this is," the police officer genuinely did looked concerned about this.
"Holy crap! Dojima-san!" Adachi made his entrance and called attention to Yu's Uncle who was hunching over.
"Quick, get him to his room! I'll go alert the doctors!" Adachi said quickly before running off.
"I'll get Dojima...please escort to woman downstairs," the senior officer said as he took Dojima. Nanase looked up at me for a moment.
"I'll be over tonight, okay?" I said reassuringly. "Go with him."
After a moment we were all left there alone. As soon as Nanase was out of view I stared back at the room...my demeanor no longer hid my rage from my eyes.
"Tsukio-san...Do you think she would have...?" Chie asked quietly.
"Her son is dead...No...nothing she would have done would have surprised me," Kanji muttered.
"Dojima-san knew. Even with another victim they have little more than circumstantial evidence...which is hardly enough to convict him. He killed Konishi-senpai...and now Ikakure-senpai...And that bastard's gonna walk away without paying for what he did..." Yosuke clutched his hand.
"That's not right...!" Yukiko found herself saying.
Not if I can do something about it. Without regard to the others I marched into the room, which had the others quickly following behind me.
"Kujikawa!" Yu said but I moved out of his grasp.
Namatame stumbled and fell out of his bed seeing me as I came straight towards him. I continued towards him but once again Yu moved and this time did manage to grab my wrist and stop me. I glared back at him.
"Kujikawa, stop this," Yu pleaded with me.
I did not hide the emotions I had, "Let go of me."
"Don't you get it? This bastard is the reason that Kayane is dead! MY Kayane! And what? You want me to just accept the fact that we can't prove that he killed him!? So he gets to go on living while the man that I love get buried! Fuck that, Senpai," I couldn't stop my rage now. My intentions were clear. "I wouldn't let Nanase do it because I wanted to make him pay myself."
"I-I, I didn't, I..." Namatame started but then...the TV next to him came to life.
"It's midnight...no way! Is this...the Midnight Channel?" Chie said.
It was Namatame...no his Shadow that appeared on the screen...vivid. "I failed to save him. It's because you got in my way."
"Another Namatame...!? How!? The real one's right here, and we already beat his Shadow..." Yosuke started.
"No...Come to think of it, Namatame never faced his other self. And we didn't witness his Shadow returning to his body as a Persona, either...Perhaps that's why we're seeing this now..." Naoto quickly speculated.
"What...the..." the real Namatame eyes went wide and slid away from the TV.
"I failed. But it wasn't my fault. And the law can't touch me anyway," the Shadow Namatame spoke with a grin. My anger was going well past its boiling point.
"Wh-What...!?" Namatame seemed alarmed by the Shadow saying these things...probably because it was revealing his real thoughts and nature to us.
"Is that what Namatame's really thinking!? Then...he wasn't deranged or anything...He knew what he was doing...!" Chie shook her head not wanting to believe what was being said.
"To hell with the law..." Yosuke muttered. "I won't ever forgive what you did...!"
"Th-This...Please...Stop..." Namatame continued to plead...for mercy.
"Huh? Stop what? We ain't even done anything yet...Or do you want us to do something...? Something fitting for a bastard like you," Kanji cracked his knuckles looking down at Namatame.
"Do whatever you want. You hate me because he died, don't you? I don't care either way. Living or dying makes no difference to me. But you...You're different," the Shadow laughed. "You can't do such a thing. You wouldn't dare, right? I'll continue 'saving' people...It's my mission...!" The Shadow continued its laugh as the Midnight Channel faded away.
"Mission?" even Yukiko looked at Namatame with disgust.
"My god..." Naoto clenched her hands into fists in her own anger.
"He wants us to stop. What should we do?" Yosuke's voice gave no mistake, he had come to his own decision.
"Wh-What do you mean...?" Chie was not comfortable with the way the atmosphere of the room had changed. But I knew what I wanted from the moment I realized the truth. That Kayane would never be here...he would never perform again...never smile again...and never say my name again.
"We can't let this bastard do whatever he pleases," Kanji clarified it.
"Still...What are you going to do?" Yukiko was angry but there is no doubt she wouldn't do something like that.
"No way I'm gonna walk out of here doing nothing..." Yosuke said.
Chie put her hand on Yosuke's shoulder, "I-I understand, but...Yosuke...you do realize what you're saying..."
"This must be a luxury suite. Most hospital wards don't have such large televisions...Why, with something like this in the room, this man could escape at any time...Although once he enters...he may find there's no way out." Naoto said pulling the cap of her hat down and avoiding looking at the others...knowing exactly what she was implying.
I didn't say anything I had thought of that too. But I didn't care...I just wanted him dead. Even if I had to choke the life out of him with my bare hands. Who cares if I went to prison? What was the point if Kayane was dead? He was...no...I don't know what he was to me yet. But I wanted to have that chance...I wanted to make him happy. I wanted to see him smile...but now...now he won't do anything at all! And this man...this man had taken him away from me!
"Wh-What's gotten into you guys? This is crazy...How can we do something like that?" Chie...was being the voice of reason.
"Chie! Everyone...Listen to me. If we're gonna do this...now is our only shot. We won't get a second chance. At this rate, the guy's gonna get off the hook...And he'll go around "saving" people again! You just heard what this bastard's really thinking! If that happens, it'll be just like Konishi-senpai and Ikakure-senpai...Who knows how many innocent people will die this time? I can't let something like that go. Someone close to us died...His killer can't be convicted...And now I'm gonna let the same thing happen again? There's no way I can do that! It's just wrong, isn't it!" Yosuke moved away from Chie this time but Chie stepped towards him and grabbed his arm.
"B-But...Yosuke...please...think about this," she said in a whisper.
"I did. All we have to do is push him inside the TV...That's it. We do that one thing, and this is all over," Yosuke said seemingly calm...but he knew what he was saying. I had already been resolved to kill Namatame...but now he was telling everyone what was about to happen.
"No...No Yosuke, please..." Chie pleaded to him and pulled his arm close but Yosuke stepped away from her.
"If any of you want no part in this, just leave the room. I'm not gonna force you to stay. As for me, nothing could make me forgive this bastard...But before we do this, I want to hear what you think, Yu. What do you want to do...Leader?"
However I ignored this and stepped towards Namatame who looked at me in fear...only adding to the rage I felt. This man gets no mercy, not from me. Kayane had finally taken that leap...when he chased after Nanako to save her. When he had charged towards the Shadow to fight and help the others. All those steps forward, after so much time of him hiding from the world. But now he dies because of the actions of this man. I would never know if Kayane and I would have succeeded in the music world together. I would never know what if feels like to perform with him on stage again. I would no longer hear his voice, how he always seemed to cut through my walls without effort and see how insecure I often was. Kayane...he could have been my strength...a pillar of support. The one I had fallen for was gone. Behind him would be a broken Mother...and me. And Namatame would likely walk off when the police couldn't make the charges stick. Kayane's killer would go free. I could not allow that. He will die for killing the man I love. Regardless of the consequences.
A/N:
I originally never showed Rise's perspective. I've said this before. But aiding that aspect to this has given more insight into the mutual affect the two of them have on each other. Plus potential deeper problems they will face down the road. But there is still a lot to explore here.
Honestly, Kayane does not remember everything. As he himself points out here, he was just a kid. He acknowledges the fact that there is likely a lot he doesn't remember or maybe even remember incorrectly. While he re-experiences being assaulted by his Uncle he can't hear anything that is being said to him. He knows he is being yelled out, but all of that is incoherent because all he remembered is being yelled at and being assaulted. At the same time we hear from Miyuki she never liked how his Uncle talked to him...indicating that she knows exactly what was being said to him.
Miyuki is also a Velvet Room resident. As you can imagine there is a reason for this, but is part of the future conflict that she mentions. Naturally they have to get past this problem in order to get to it. As you can guess there is some foreshadowing going on here, but when we switch to Rise we're also shifting back to the main plot.
Obviously Dojima isn't running off to Namatame because Nanako is not the one in the hospital this time around. But it was pretty easy to give him a different reason to go. Tsukio Nanase, Kayane's adopted Mother, has a lot more to her then I've given so far. And her influence will likely begin to show more as we get closer to the Dancing All Night story line. What she went through wasn't easy either, so I'm hoping to explore that eventually as well.
Well I think I'll call it here for now. Things are going to move pretty quick as we wrapping up this portion of the main story line. Still there is a lot more to cover beyond that and I hope you'll all stick with me along the way. Again, thanks for your time and I really appreciate the people that have been following and leaving reviews. It always motivates me to deliver more and improve myself that much more. I know I can't please everyone, but I hope people are able to enjoy it. Thanks again and I'll see you all next week with the next chapter.
