22

Ianto sat with Jack one side, Toshiko the other as the screen flickered to life and he smiled softly as he recognized those in attendance on the committee. Good. The old man had come through.

"Gentlemen… and of course… my fair ladies. I am sorry to appear demanding in my request for an audience but one of the things I was taught was efficiently and I know the Agency needs to have the most efficient taskforce as well as the most cost effective bottom dollar." Ianto paused and shuffled in his chair as he glanced at Toshiko, then took another breath and continued "It is something that has bothered me on a personal level for some time. I know the cost of this place, I know the extreme and unrelenting cost this mission has been and the dire cost to you all personally on both a career level and an Agency one. The budget for the mission is almost depleted… in one year there will be no more money for my cell's continued existence. We will start costing you money. Therefore, after consultation with my money cruncher here… I have formed a solution that might cut your costs in half for the future of this place and ensure this training facility churns out effective soldiers for your cause with minimal cost."

"Go on" one of them said leaning forward, a Meatstick with ANY opinion a novelty.

"I am bringing up the first two of three columns of costings" Toshiko took over after Ianto lightly touched her hand to tell her to go for it "The left is the current costs to you for this planet. The quarterly taxes you must pay to the Universal Body… the cost of the upkeep… the outfitting and food etcetera makes this one of the most expensive rocks around for such little return. The middle is what the training facility will net you in profit once those trained are able to be leased out as mercenaries to our allies. You see… at the moment, given the history here … it will take ten plus years to break even before you see a profit from this."

Heads nodded as they knew this.

"So…" Ianto took a breath as he sought Jack's hand under the table "I have an idea. I was taught efficiency is law so… the third row… bring it up Tosh… this is the one if you do not own the planet anymore. As the Agency you pay an exorbitant tax… a private citizen owning this rock would pay ten percent of that right? So… if instead of paying me out the retirement money for my service which we both know would stick in many caws… after all… I am a Meatstick right… you gift me this planet. They all know it is worthless, will be happy they no longer have to pay the taxes. I will be happy as I own it and no longer have to ask approval for stupid shit. I will lease you the facilities for training purposes and that will pay the taxes needed each quarter. As you can see along the bottom of the screen… doing this will not only relieve you of an albatross others are currently ragging you about, it will ease coffers, it will provide facilities needed without the upkeep and within a year you will be making money from those we give back from the first intake."

"What you pay us will be less than half what you will make" Toshiko said with pride as she sat back "instead of ten years to make a profit… you will within twelve months, saving you more than this place is worth three times over!"

"Boy… that… that is genius!" the old man laughed as he sat back "Yes. My gods… look at that. We will not only be making money we will look like compassionate heroes giving a retiring Meatstick Cell a job to do still."

"Exactly" Ianto ginned as his vice grip on Jack's arm relaxed slightly "Agency for life, right? We can still be useful as trainers but also… you look like loving parentals giving your children freedom… if only on this rock."

As one, they all nodded on the screen and Ianto knew by end of the day he would be signed over an entire fucking planet.

Worthless red dust or not… he would be the first Meatstick in history to own one!

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They all knew it would be something big… each and every meeting called was bigger than the last but as Ianto finally stopped speaking, the land deed behind him on the big screen… there was complete silence.

"Get it?" Toshiko could not contain herself "Ianto owns the place. We as his family get to stay. No recall. We are now tagged as … well… what the hell is this planet called again?"

"Torchwood" Ianto said, making Jack look up with surprise "We have renamed Red Planet 13 as Torchwood. We are all now Torchwoodies. Like it? We have now colonized our own planet, we are the first civilization of this planet. We are Not Meatsticks anymore. Now a single one of us… every person who gains citizenship here will be a Woody."

"Holy shit… he's freed us" someone said with wonder "Seriously… he's fucking made us… real."

"We always were real brother… and I feel that down in my very soul" Ianto said bravely "Don't you? Listen… feel that thrum in your blood standing here… on YOUR dirt. In YOUR home. YOUR planet. Feel it?"

Ianto looked around the room with a wide grin "That feeling deep down, that weight in your gut… it's your soul. You ARE real, human… we are. And we are home! We belong!"

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So ends Part One of Torchwood Planet. Yes… I am already on part two.