I lost one of my close friends and she inspired me to write this. I actually cried while writing this, so prepare yourselves. This will be a one-shot. This story can be triggering to some.

Trigger Warning: Suicidal actions. Please read with caution.

Amanda had just arrived at her apartment. She opened the door and walked into the house. She noticed that her three daughters were asleep already.

Amanda sits down onto the couch and cries quietly, trying not to wake up her kids. After calming down a little, Amanda goes into her bathroom and closes the door slightly. She looks at herself in the mirror and she nearly gagged.

"I'm so ugly." She whispers to herself. She knew she was ugly. Amanda grabs her guns out of her holster and sets it on the counter. There was no way that was even an option for her.

She picks up the gun and retreats back to her bed room . She takes the safety off and holds it in her hand. The gun is cold and heavy in her hands. She holds the gun to her temple and looks at herself. Her tears were starting to dry, this sight didn't scare her. If anything, it made her feel calm. She felt like she had control over the situation. She made sure she locked that door.

Right before she was about to pull the trigger Suddenly, she heard someone try to open the door. She thought that her daughter was asleep.

"Mommy?" She hears on that other side of the door.

On the other side of the door was her older daughter Riley and her second daughter Jesse.

"Mommy what are you doing? Are you busy?" Jesse asked

"Yes sweetheart I'm busy, do you need something?" Amanda asked hoping they would leave her alone.

"Yeah, Jesse wants you to tuck her in bed. I want to know if you are still going to my cheers competition?" Riley asked

"I don't know if i can make your competition cheer baby girl, Jesse i will tuck you in a few minutes." Amanda said clearly she was lying to them.

"Okay." Jesse said

"Night mom." Riley said as her and Jesse walked back to their room.

After a few minutes Amanda puts her finger to the trigger and pulls it.

Amanda's body dropped to the floor, as blood spilled from her head wound. The pool of blood of Amanda grew and she knew it was only a matter of time.

Right when Riley heard the gunshot, Jesse came running it to her room.

"Riles what was that?" Jesse asked

Riley knew what the sound was but didn't not know how to tell a five years old.

"Hey, can you call Uncle Sonny? I'm going to check on mom." Riley said.

"Okay." Jesse said as she grabbed Riley's phone.

Riley walked out of her room and into Amanda's room.

"Mom?" Riley called out.

No answer.

"Mom, if you don't answer me, I will kick down the door." Riley said

Still no answer.

Riley stood back and kicked down the door.

The first thing Riley saw was her mother on the ground with a pool of blood around. At that moment Riley knew what just happened.

"No, why would you do this?" Riley said as tears rolled down her face.

She grabbed something to stop the bleeding, then she checked if she had a pulse.

Jesse unlocks Riley's phone and calls Sonny.

"Riley, why are you call this later? Is everything okay?" Sonny asked once he answered the phone.

"It's not Riley. It's Jesse." Jesse said

"Jesse? What's going on? Where are you mom and Riley?"

"Riley is in the room with Mama with mama." Jesse said

"Can you put her on the phone, Please."

"Okay." Jesse said as she walked out of Riley's room.

"Riley, uncle sonny want to talk to you." Jesse called out.

"Okay, just stay right there." Riley said as she stood up and walked over to where Jesse was.

"Hey Jesse, how about you go to your room for a while." Riley said

"Okay." Jesse said as she walked into her room.

Riley walked back into her room and sat next to her while she put the phone on speakerphone.

"Riley what happens?" Carisi asked as he walked out of his apartment and to his car.

"She shot herself in the head." Riley said as more tears rolled down her face.

"Does she have a pulse?" Carisi asked

"Yeah, but it's very weak. She lost a lot of blood." Riley said

"Riley, I will be there in 20 minutes, but Olivia or Kat might be there before me." Carisi said

"Okay." Riley said as she hung up the phone.

A second later Olivia and Kat walked into the apartment. Then they walked into Amanda's room.

"Oh my gosh." Kat and Olivia said at the same time.

Riley looked up at Kat and Olivia, tears still rolling down her face.

"Riley come here sweetheart." Olivia said as Riley ran into her arms.

"Where Jesse and Billie?" Olivia asked

"In Jesse's room." Riley said

"Okay, I want you to go into Jesse's room, while we wait for the Paramedics to come." Olivia said

"Okay." Riley said as she walked out of the and walked into the bathroom to wash the blood off her hands before walking into Jesse's room.

A few seconds later Carisi walked into the apartment. He ran right to Amanda's room.

Carisi kneels on the floor and scoops Amanda into his arms.

"Why would you do this?"

"Amanda please don't leave. Your babies girls need you. They love you so much. Don't leave Them. They need you. I need you." Carisi said with tears rolling down her face.

"Paramedics." They hear someone call out.

"We are here." Kat called out.

The paramedics quickly get to the bedroom. Kat, Olivia, and Carisi get out of their way to give them space.

Carisi, Kat, and Olivia walk into Jesse's room and get them.

"Where Riley?" Carisi asked when he noticed that Riley was not with her sister.

"She went to her, she said she wanted to be alone. Is mama Okay?" Jesse asked

"We don't know." Olivia said

A paramedic walks out of Amanda's bedroom. He looks at both of them. Jesse and Billie went into the hallway with Kat.

"Right now she is stable. We had to shock her a few times. She did lose a lot of blood. The change for her to survive is very low." The paramedic said.

"Okay." Carisi said as she watched the paramedics taking Amanda out to the ambulance.

"What is going to happen now?" Olivia and Carisi jump a little.

When they turned around they were surprised to see that Riley was standing behind them.

"We don't know yet." Carisi said as he watched as Riley walked out of the apartment to talk to her sister.

"Come on we have to go." Olivia said brought Carisi out of his thoughts.

They were about to walk out of the apartment when they noticed that Riley was in Amanda's room reading something.

"Hey what you got that?" Olivia asked

"It's a letter from mom." Riley said

"What does it say?" Carisi asked as he slowly stepped close to Riley.

"I haven't read it yet. I'm going to wait until I know that she is gone but if she survive i throw this away." Riley said as she stood up and walked away.

They then walked outside of the building. Jesse and Billie are sleeping in Carisi's car, Riley was just sitting in the car.

"Where are they going to stay?" Kat asked

"They can still be with me. I have two extra rooms." Carisi said

"Are you sure? The next few hours are going to be hard especially for Riley." Olivia said

"Yeah i'm sure." Carisi said.

Right before anyone could say anything Olivia's phone rang.

"Benson?"

"Hello miss Benson, I am so sorry. To tell you that Miss Rollins did not make it. Her heart stopped. I'm so sorry." The doctor said on the other end of the phone.

"Okay, thank you for calling." Olivia said as she hung up the phone.

"Was that the hospital?" Carisi asked

"Yeah, Amanda did not make it." Olivia said as she whipped away her tears.

"How are we going to tell them?" Kat asked as they looked over at the girls.

"Tell us what?" Riley asked when she noticed that they were looking at them.

Kat, Olivia and Carisi did not know what to tell Riley.

"Is my mom alive and dead?" Riley asked as she looked at them.

The look on their face gave it away.

"She's dead." Riley said as she dropped to her knees and put her face in her hands.

They did not know what to say.

Riley just sat on the ground and pulled out the letter her mother wrote to her. She started reading the letter out louder so Kat, Olivia and Carisi could hear.

Dear Riley my baby girl,

I know you might be mad at me, you have every right to be angry with me. You and your sister deserve someone who will love you guys unconditionally and not put y'all in danger like i did me. So that is why I want Carisi to have custody of you guys. No matter what, I will always be in your heart. I love you and your sister deeply and that I am so sorry.

I'm a baby girl.

Love Mommy

"Love you too." Riley whispers as she gets into Carisi car and they drove away for the apartment.


Please review and let me know what you think.