Chapter 37 / Terror

April 25th, 2012 / Evening
Underground Kirijo Facility, Kyoto

KANA'S POINT OF VIEW

"Junpei will you stop pacing?" Yukari was only half irritated but we also had been here a while.

"Sorry, its just Chidori wasn't all happy I was leaving so suddenly," He moved to the wall and put his sword up against it for a moment as he did some stretches. "I was hoping not to make her angry."

"Yeah, you do that well enough on your own," Yukari huffed as she was checking the tension on the sting on her bow.

"Come on, I'm not that bad," he gave a shrug.

We were waiting for Mitsuru to show up. We were all going to investigate this place together. And the other facility was too far off for Fuuka to be able to provide support for both groups. She said she'd be able to communicate but scanning from that distance would be useless. And splitting attention wouldn't be good. So since Mitsuru had capabilities as a supporter, this had been the final decision. And so I had been separated from Hamuko on this task. Most of the reasoning behind that was that Aigis and Hamuko would be better equipped to handle different situations between the two of them, and that Junpei, Mitsuru, Yukari and I would be able to effectively handle any fights we encountered between the four of us. That was the thought process at any rate.

I didn't like being split from Hamuko, especially with how she had been lately. While the others didn't seem to notice, Hamuko was slowly moving back into the depression she had been in after the fight with Nyarlathotep had occurred. After she had time to consider what was going on then, she had briefly fallen apart. It was only after time with Yukari and spending time with the baby and now toddler, Kokoro, she had seemed to be doing better. Or maybe she had simply come to hide it from us more effectively. Either way, she was still greatly affected by the things she had learned only a year ago. And after her breakdown at the dinner function I had been doing nothing but worrying about her.

Was I not trustworthy enough? No that couldn't be it. It wasn't like she wasn't telling me anything. She had openly expressed herself and her feelings about her brother, time and again. Was it because I couldn't help her? that I had nothing I could say to ease her pain? But what could I do? What could I offer her? I would give anything to her. That didn't mean that anything I had was enough. She called me her twin sister. I loved to be considered her sister. But it could not change the truth. That I was not of the same flesh and blood as her. I was merely a Shadow that had taken her form. She had a real twin. A twin brother. That thought combined with the reality of him being dead was devastating. That was the truth...I could not deliver to her what she truly desired and wished for. Her twin brother.

Maybe because I was a Shadow there was just something I wasn't understanding. I wanted to understand, but most of all...I just wanted to help her.

"Kana, are you alright?" Yukari asked, putting her arm on my shoulder. I looked to her for a moment and shook my head for a moment.

"I just, wish I could better support Hamuko-chan," I found myself admitting.

Yukari gave a knowing smile, I suspected she knew about Hamuko's behavior as well. "You know more than anyone, how hard i has been for her. I've done my best to support her, but it isn't normal for things to happen as they have. She learned about her brother and had to accept his death in the same breath. That is something no one would know how to handle. Plus she spent her whole life not knowing she had family. Like Minato, she had thought, if she had family then they would have come for her. But her youth and life was built around lies and deceit. And you, Kana. Your still trying to figure out who you are on top of trying to support her. If there is anyone that I believe Hamuko would consider family its you. And probably Akira and Sayane-san. Look, what I'm trying to say is that you do a great job supporting her. But also, its going to take her time, if not years to learn to cope with everything."

What Yukari said made a lot of sense to me. I was similar in a way, because I was aware that it would take me years to catch up to the others in terms of knowledge and experience when it came to living. For Hamuko, she had basically learned that she knew nothing about her childhood. I was to blame for part of that as I had sealed her memories of the Inoto facility to protect her. At least I believed I was protecting her. But what did I know? I had been a Shadow. I only saw myself as a hindrance...a negative to Hamuko's life. I wanted her to forget all the suffering she experienced, even if it meant forgetting me as well. I had no right to make that decision for her. If she had remembered...her life might have been much different. This was my deepest regret that I held in my heart. If I had a thing such as a heart. I guess that was also just another thing I didn't know about myself.

"Thanks, Yukari-chan," I said softly, hoping to dismiss my thoughts for even a few moments. But all I could ever see when I closed my eyes, is the frustration and tears that Hamuko had shed ever since I had been reunited with her. I could not help but think that every time I saw it, that I was the one responsible.

"I apologize for the delay," Mitsuru entered with another individual behind her. She had deep violet hair, and flawless maid uniform. This was Saikawa Kikuno. She was the head maid of the Kirijo household and also Mitsuru's childhood friend. She was well educated and while she did not have the power of Persona, her presence gave off confidence and poise even when facing dangerous situations.

"Mitsuru-sama, I shall see to the other arrangements while you proceed," Kikuno gave a bow.

"Yes, Thank You, Kikuno," Mitsuru nodded towards her before the maid disappeared.

"Encounter some problems?" Yukari asked as she approached. Mitsuru seemed to relax a bit and let out a sigh.

"I believe I sent over the particulars before but I had to meet with the local police to inform them we would be acting in the area," Mitsuru definitely looked like she wasn't happy about this fact. "It took longer than I expected. They were trying to pry for information but I informed them that it was just a formality and that no incident had occurred in the area."

"Well we may have been approved but there are still many that doubt the need of our presence," Yukari said somewhat sourly.

"Hard to convince them when its all things they haven't experienced, and if we do our job they never will," Junpei commented as he approached. "Nice to see you, Senpai."

"Iori. I'm glad you could make it," Mitsuru gave a legitimate smile. It seemed the only times she ever did smile was in the presence of her friends. Establishing the Shadow Operatives had been stressful to say the least but she had still handled it well. Plus her maid Kikuno and Kaede also made sure she was more than rested when she truly needed it. I heard that when her Father died and she was dealing with Kirijo Group issues that Kikuno had essentially drugged her food in order to get her to sleep, to which she had not been getting any of.

"Well this whole thing worries me too," Junpei took off his hat for a moment to scratch his head before putting it back down. "If there are more secrets that could hurt someone, I think its our job to make sure it doesn't happen. I mean..." Junpei looked to Yukari for a moment and stopped.

"It's fine Junpei," Yukari said it with a smile. "Minato is going to continue to protect us, so its only right we keep fighting too, right?"

Junpei nodded, "Yeah. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't try to help ease his burden, you know?"

Yukari had noted to me how Hamuko was still trying to cope with all she had learned, but seeing them...I knew that all of them were still dealing with their grief for Minato as well. The difference is that they had already accepted his death and were all trying to do what they could to honor him. Hamuko was still lingering in anger within the stages of grief.

"Yes and as Shadow Operatives I hope to lay a foundation so that even after us we can continue to protect the world he saved," Mitsuru then moved past the others to the ominous large metal door and lone computer console that protected it. "To think my Grandfather would hide so many facilities around Japan and Yakushima. All so that he could find his way to control the world using powers he could never hope to understand or control. His choices resulted in the deaths of so many people, and affected so many lives." She ran her hand over the console and I could see her typing in something. Then a loud sound could be heard, like the sound of an air compressing releasing its compressed air. Metal moved and then finally the large door swung open. "His actions can never be corrected, but we can stop it from ever affecting anyone else, ever again."

Inside, lights began to flicker on automatically and showed a large...reception area? It was like what you would expect for a front room of a hospital. The tile, walls and everything was white. However, there were clear signs of a fight. But, not from Shadow...another horrific sight led to another conclusion. Blood stained the area, long since been dried. Mitsuru only regarded the environment for a moment before walking across to look behind the reception desk.

"This is horrible," Junpei muttered as he looked around the room.

"Looks like something, or someone fought their way out," Yukari added softly.

I made my way across and looked around and looked towards the double door on the far side that was closed. A visible sign over the door read 'Restricted Access' and had some sort of device next to the door. "They really didn't want anyone leaving."

"Yes, but a place like this would also have a means to leave quickly in a emergency," Yukari obviously wouldn't be able to say that for sure.

Mitsuru was next to me after a moment and pressed something on the device next to the door. The double doors slid open. "There should be a server room somewhere. It was an enclosed system so we'll have to download its files directly and..." She cut off suddenly as we all gathered behind her. Mitsuru covered her mouth and I did the same as soon as the stench hit me.

"Oh my God," Yukari covered her own mouth.

"This is real bad," Junpei followed suit.

All there was in front of us was a hallway covered in long since dried blood, and a large amount of mutilated corpses. And the overwhelming stench of death.


April 28th, 2012 / Daytime
Kayane's House

I sat in front of the piano in a rare moment that I was alone. When was the last time I had spent any amount of time by myself when I wasn't asleep? Rise was at school, and the others were back home prepping for tomorrow. Tomorrow...yeah, I wasn't looking forward to it. It was supposed to be a photo shoot that I needed to be a part of but also did not want to be a part of. Why? Because it was supposed to be in swimsuits, and there was no way I could do that. Taking off my shirt and all anyone would see is...

"...Scars. A stark and vivid reminder of the shit we've gone through," My Shadow, of course, decided to make his presence known when I was alone.

"As if I needed reminders," I muttered and looked at the keys of the piano. There was definitely a lot wrong with my situation, I knew that. I shouldn't have a Shadow lingering around.

"Well, we're going to think about it anyway until the problem is addressed," My Shadow commented.

Well of course, it was a problem that would have to be addressed. Last thing I needed to do was show the world that part of...my thoughts halted for a moment as another thought came into my head.

"Ah, that's right. After we debut, a quick google search will tell everyone who you are and what happened to you as a kid. I mean, it was highly publicized when you were a kid," My Shadow laughed. "What will they say, I wonder?"

"That doesn't matter. Let them say what they want," I dismissed it although the thought had definitely caught me off guard. My phone, which was sitting on top of the piano started to vibrate. I scooped it up and unlocked the screen and was greeted by a new message from Takahashi Hamuko.

Hope you don't mind, but Kana and I are in the area. Would you be able to meet us in the Shopping District? ~ Hamuko

I expected my Shadow to comment about them but when I looked up he was gone. I got to my feet and quickly sent back a reply. I suppose it would be better than sitting around here the whole day waiting for Rise to get out of class. I could be working on fine tuning some of the songs, maybe. No it was pretty much as good as it was going to get at this point. Maybe I should find it odd that the twin sisters I had met recently had decided to stop by Inaba. Not exactly a normal stop someone would make. Still meeting them would be the easiest way to figure out those questions.

I left the house and locked it behind me. Mom was back in Tokyo, apparently a meeting with Ochimizu, though she wouldn't say about what. Maybe about the reaction to Rise and I's appearance on TV. Apparently the rumor mill had exploded since it aired and also topped the number of views for the show had ever gotten. And also was quickly becoming the most watched show on the networks on-demand service. Well, Rise had been insistent on me not paying attention to that stuff. The main focus was for us to just be us and not change based on public opinion. She made a valid point. Constantly reacting to what was conceived public opinion was a bad idea. Because a lot of fans are typically not as vocal as the ones who have things to complain about. That made it hard to get an accurate representation of what the majority opinion was when the negative ones were the most vocal.

My Shadow had no problems voicing those doubts for me anyway. But having those concerns was definitely normal for anyone. Especially in the rumor mill I was currently an unknown that was now seemingly attached to Rise in some form. No one can confirm anything but with that along with the released video of her and I's performance at the culture festival, most assumed that she was coming back to the industry, but not alone. They weren't wrong, they just didn't know how she would be coming back.

I don't think there was many stories that would be like hers. She left the industry, believing she was done and there was nothing she wanted from it. The truth being was she no longer remembered the reason she got into it, and she lost herself along the way. Possibly triggered by the loss of her Uncle who died shortly before she had quit the industry. Well it wasn't the reason why but it had led to her eventually coming to that outcome. After that she got involved with the serial murders in Inaba when she was kidnapped. Only to be rescued by the people that had warned her of that possibility. She awakened to her power of Persona and joined the Investigation Team. Along the way, with her interactions with the others she re-discovered herself, and found her inspiration once more, deciding that when all was said and done that she would re-enter the music industry. That happened before I myself got kidnapped and thrown into the TV.

My own journey being one that was somewhat similar yet fundamentally different than Rise. I never lost my way or my sense of self. I simply never lived to begin with. I never cared to do anything than take the path of least resistance through life. All of that changed. I wasn't allowed to hide from that past, I needed to go at it head on. That was what I had been thinking about as I progressed. Now, after time had passed, I'm not sure if I was making any real progress or not. The constant taunting of my Shadow probably indicated I was just as much taking steps backwards as I was taking forward. All of that was normal, right? What do they say? One step forward and two steps back? Either way I'm sure it wasn't anything I needed to be overly concerned about. I just needed to keep trying. I knew it would be hard...and I had also realized I had no idea of knowing how hard it would get.

After walking for a while I finally arrived at the Shopping District. Looked like it wasn't that busy. I guess it wouldn't be while school was going on. Well, the shopping district had done better as of late. There had been an influx of tourists ever since the end of the serial murder case being considered settled due to Adachi being arrested. So they weren't as in danger as they would have been previously. So I guess Inaba was safe, but the TV world was always a constant threat. It wasn't like it was going to go away any time soon. The thought that anyone could use it again if they had the power of Persona seemed unlikely but it was something that needed to be kept in mind. It wasn't like there were a ton of Persona users running around.

"Ikakure-san," it was Hamuko and Kana off in the distance, and looked like Hamuko had the year old, Kokoro with her as well and was holding the child against her. I made my way over to them.

"Hey, Hamuko-san and Kana-san. And Kokoro-chan, of course," I greeted them with a smile. Kana quickly moved to me and took my hand.

"I'm glad you're fine, Kayane-san," Kana was giving me a serious look but I don't remember myself being in any danger recently.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I looked at her for a moment before glancing to Hamuko.

"Kana, give him some space," Hamuko commented and which Kana let go of my hand and stepped away looking somewhat embarrassed by her actions. Hamuko looked back to me. "You see, Kana, had a bit of a scare a few days ago. So she was worried about her friends. And since we would be going near Inaba she asked if we could see you."

"A scare? Is everything okay?" I looked to Kana who definitely looked like she was feeling better but she was shaking her head.

"No, it isn't okay its..." she started but Hamuko cut in.

"...It's fine but not good. She's gotten pretty shaken up which is the only reason why I brought her here. I didn't want to bother you originally but I think seeing you might help her settle down. Still, sorry to bother you," Hamuko apologized regardless.

I shook my head, "No its fine. We're friends aren't we? But Kana-san, why would you think something happened to me?"

"I read about the serial killings here and so I did some research and..." Kana was nervous, as if she was afraid of admitting to what she learned about me.

"You don't have to skirt around it. There is a lot of information out there on me and what happened to me as a kid," I gave her a light smile. "We can talk about it if you want but lets find someplace to go sit at. It's about lunch time, you two hungry?"

"You have a point. And I don't want to keep Kokoro out here in the sun," Hamuko agreed.

"Great, we'll go into Aiya, if you don't have any objections," I said and started walking with Kana quickly falling into step next to me.

"Kayane-san, why is so much of that on the internet for anyone to find?" Kana asked. I know it sounded like an odd question but Hamuko had already told me before that Kana was still relatively new to the world at large.

"It wasn't a simple case. Because it was two separate crimes that were connected. So I was involved with two different court cases and was a victim in one and a core witness in the other. One involving the death of my close friend and post-humorously my step-sister, and the other the abuse that I suffered by my Uncle. The main thing that gathered attention to it wasn't just the linked cases but also the individuals involved. Ikakure Daigo was the name of my uncle, and a well known business man. The other individual charged with manslaughter, sexual assault on Fujikara Miyuki was her Father Fujikara Taka. He was a revered and seen as a hero for his work as a Police Chief," I explained it in simple terms for the most part as we arrived in front of Aiya's. I led the two of them inside.

"Ah Kayane-san," the owner welcomed me upon seeing me. "I heard from Nanase-san that you've been pretty busy. Oh, are these friends of yours?"

I nodded, "Yes, and we'll be in the back booth, Nakamura-san."

"Alright, I'll swing over to take your order in a bit," he said as he pushed over some menu's from behind the counter.

I took them and led them to the back booth with Hamuko making room for Kokoro in herself. I had completely missed the large bag that Hamuko had with her, somehow. Obviously it had been there so she could take care of Kokoro. I slid into the other side of the booth, and Kana somewhat hesitantly sitting next to me.

"You must get asked that a lot about what happened as you were a kid," Hamuko was quick to bring the topic back. "Sounds difficult."

"Probably not as much as you would believe," I shrugged as I put the menu's on the table for the girls to look at. "Plus I hardly remember anything from that time. Even though I guess it was only about seven or eight years ago. Probably because there isn't much I care to remember other than Miyuki."

"So everyone knows because your Uncle and Miyuki-san's Father was well known?" Kana asked though she was looking at the menu.

"People like a good scandal, or so most would think. But It think it stunned people more than anything else. After all, they were successful individuals who on the outside looked like they had good stable lives," I said with a shrug.

"Looks are deceiving. Just because someone looks happy doesn't mean they are," Hamuko commented as she was putting Kokoro down next to her.

I found myself nodding, though her words probably hit closer to home that I expected. "My Uncle blamed me for my Father's death, apparently." I shrugged. "It was something I heard from when they did a psych analysis on him. I never knew my parents as I had been maybe five or six when they died. The experience had been traumatic enough that I don't remember even what my parents look like other than the pictures of my Father that my Uncle had in the house. He didn't have any of my Mom. Which I guess was an indication that he never approved of that marriage, I guess."

"It just sounds like your Uncle was proficient at shifting the blame," Hamuko said as she looked to me. "You know, you keep dismissing it like it isn't a big deal...is because you've moved past it or you don't want to talk about it?"

Her question was direct and took me by surprise. I guess it was because when it came to the Investigation Team, they had saw the truth first hand. "I would like to say I've moved past it, which is why I'm not adversed to speaking about it. But I don't think its possible for me to 100% move past those events. I still partially blame myself for the death of Miyuki. Even though I realize I wasn't even there at the time."

"Alright what can I get for you three?" Nakamura asked and then regarded Hamuko for a moment and likely noting Kokoro. "Oh dear, I probably should have noticed earlier. Do you need anything for her?"

"No, I got everything I need for her. She's taking a nap now anyway. Thank you though," Hamuko had probably watched over the the one year old for quite some time. "I will take a water and the beef bowl though."

"Ah yes, very good. And you young lady?" he looked to Kana.

"Oh um...this one, the veggie one," Kana said pointing to the menu. "Oh! And green tea for me."

"Same thing as usual for you, Kayane-san?" Nakamura asked.

"Yeah, thats fine," I handed over my menu as did the girls before he walked away.

"I understand your feelings. You see, Kana and I aren't twins but triplets," she said it and meeting eyes with her sister for a moment.

"Triplets?" I felt my heart sink, I feel like I knew what she was going to say before she did.

"A brother. He died before I learned about him, before I could meet him. Before either of us could," Hamuko clarified. "But, this is his daughter. Yukari had refused to put her up for adoption. Had refused to give up her baby. She went through the pregnancy in her Senior year of high school. She had to take a lot of grief and people that insulted my brother along the way, but she did and so Kokoro is here. A name that she had given to her from some conversation that my brother and Yukari had early in their relationship."

I could only imagine how hard that would have been to deal with. But I also knew the reason she had said anything. Something left unspoken in this exchange and yet that message came across loud and clear to me. She believed she would have made a difference in whatever had happened to her brother if she had been there. What was frustrating for her, is that she didn't learn about him until he was dead. It left a measure of guilt and likely anger about that.

"We know that he meant a lot to a lot of people," Kana added softly from next to me.

"So why were you worried about me, Kana-san?" I brought the conversation back to why they were even here.

"I um...was reading that you had been kidnapped by the killer at some point," Kana admitted. My eyebrow went up, how did she hear about that?

"Kana don't be vague about it. Look, Kana and I have a job at a agency that is involved with the investigation of the murders here. That was how we heard about it. We know it isn't public that several people in the area went missing in that time frame. We do," Hamuko said it so easily, and I knew there was more she wasn't saying. Perhaps Kana was too honest for her own good.

"So you were worried because of that?" I looked to Kana and she nodded while blushing.

"I know its all over, but I still wanted to ask," Kana kept her eyes down at the table.

I sighed and eyed Hamuko, "How much do you really know?"

"We know that this case wasn't normal. The two that died was to something they couldn't identify. And we believe that your hospitalization that happened later indicates that you were still involved in the case in a capacity that could not be made public. Not just you, but all of your friends as well as Kujikawa," Hamuko said it smoothly enough.

They did know a lot. Enough to know that the situation had hardly been normal. Yet there was no way I could tell them the actual truth of that situation. I looked to Kana, who was now staring at me.

"You have one don't you?" Kana posed it like a question but it sounded like she had already come to a conclusion.

"Have what?" I didn't understand what she meant by that.

"You do, I know you do! That's why I..."

"Kana!" Hamuko raised her voice giving a rather cold look to her sister.

"S-sorry, Oneesama," Kana hung her head.

"We won't press the subject, just say that we understand there is a reason why these details will never go public," Hamuko eased her voice. "Kana was worried about you, and you are also the first friend she has outside of the agency we work at. That's why I felt obligated to show her that you are okay."

I nodded. I knew this agency she worked for was likely something she didn't want to bring up. There was plenty that I didn't want to talk about either about the truth of the situation I had been in as well. So I suppose the best for both of us was to move past this conversation. Still, Kana seemed convinced that I had...something. A moment later Nakamura arrived at the table. With drinks and our food.

"Sorry about the wait," he said as he placed our meals in front of us. Then after a moment he left us once more.

"Kana-san," I spoke softly as I pulled out my chopsticks.

"Yes?" she looked over at me, although she seemed to be worried about what I would say.

"Let me say, thanks. For worrying about me. I didn't mean to ask so many questions but at the same time...I'm not used to having people ask about me. Well its still relatively new to me. It wasn't until my kidnapping when I realized I had been quite sheltered and I decided to change. Its the only reason why I got close to Rise and why I decided to go into the music industry with her. Which is what led to us meeting. So honestly, while things have had its rough spots...I feel better overall." I gave an assuring smile before taking a bite of my own extra beef bowl that also had extra spices in it to make it hotter.

"I'm glad to hear that," Kana said, but nothing else, instead she kept her gaze down, avoiding not only mine but Hamuko as well. Had Kana almost said something she shouldn't have? And what exactly had she been referring to when she said that I had one? One of what? That wouldn't matter as we dropped that discussion for the rest of the event. And after that the two plus Kokoro had to leave town. A brief meeting...but I couldn't help but wonder exactly what it was that they hadn't said.


April 29th, 2012 / Daytime
Takura Production Studios

"I can't wear just that," I couldn't believe that they would expect me to wear just trunks. There was no way in hell I could do that. Rise was next to me and gave me a look for a moment.

"You're going to have to alter it. Kayane can't be bare chested," Rise added.

The collection of photographers and the costume designer looked like we had just signed a death sentence.

"We aren't asking for more than a couple shots and..."

"Did you not read the agreement for this job?" My Mom came into the room. "Kayane has reasons which are not open for discussion for why this is. You all signed it prior to accepting the job. There will be no negotiations for changes."

The photographers stood back as Mom stood defensively between us and them. "If this was already agreed upon are you trying to break your agreements?" Rise was suddenly angry towards them.

"You will do the job as agreed upon, or you can leave. And if any words come out of this, I will pursue full legal options against you," Mom was ruthless as she always was against people like this.

No one said anything else as we walked off to the other side of the studio where the rest of the band was waiting. I sighed after a moment. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize Kay-chan. Those idiots were trying to get more than we had already agreed to. I will not let them to dreg up your childhood," Mom was definitely angry. Yet this was something we could not get around.

Only two people here weren't aware of that past. Reiko and Tora. Tsubasa and Saya knew due to them researching it themselves. I looked to Mom, "The media will figure it out anyway."

"But we aren't going to parade those marks around like some sort of marketing ploy. Those idiots would dig deep and find someone to buy those photos and would write all about that nonsense before your careers even started. We may not be able to do anything to stop the discovery but there is no reason that should come before your debut. It is imperative that your music reaches out before that does," Mom was definitely going to take a bit before she settles down.

"Whoa, whoa what are you talking about?" Reiko asked. Taro was also naturally confused about this revelation.

I looked at them for a moment and then sighed, "When I was a kid there was a couple of court cases I was involved with. One was my Uncle's trial of child abuse and neglect against me. And the other was the death of my close friend, Fujikara Miyuki. My Mom adopted me in that time period as well. You could search my name on the Internet and it wouldn't take much for you to find out all about it. Mom is concerned that that showing any evidence of it could hurt our debut."

Taro was seemingly affected by this, "So you have scars from that time then? That's hardly something anyone would ever want to show others."

I avoided eye contact this time, "I don't personally care what the world thinks about me to be honest. But I do care about the perception of the band. I don't want any of you to look bad because of my past."

"Hold on a minute! You were a victim! There is no way you should look bad because of the events that you had to go through!" Reiko came up to me looking like the whole thought only frustrated her. "If people aren't going to give you or us a chance because of that, then they aren't people I want listening to our music anyway."

"I agree," Saya spoke softly but we all heard her loud and clear.

"I feel the same way," Rise said from next to me. I understood why they were saying all this but it didn't change what could happen. First impressions were important. And quelling my history until after our first performance could go a long way to help us. This was about timing. The thing was...there was nothing stopping anyone from finding out about me. But at least for the moment it had not gleamed anything so far.

"Regardless, it is still our strategy for that to be untouched until after our first performance," I waved it off and turned away from them.

"Do they truly believe it would have no negative impact? We know that the public will see us as to have tainted Kujikawa Rise. That we used our sob story to seduce her or ruin her career. These are the types of rumors that are going to start. Do they believe that the opinion of us is going to be sympathetic? Ha, what a joke," My Shadow mocked the support of my band mates. So is that how I really felt about this? Did I really have so little trust in my friends? Maybe, it wasn't like I was all that used to trusting people...or having friends.

Before anything was said I started walking off, "At any rate we should all go change into our outfits for the photoshoot." I moved briskly enough that I was away from the others in quick fashion. I didn't want to focus on the negatives that could occur. I certainly didn't require my Shadow to remind me of my insecurities about the whole thing either. I suppose I couldn't do anything about that though.

The dressing room area had different designated changing areas for all of us. One for the girls and the other for Taro and myself. I grabbed what had been prepared for my outfit and moved to the changing area. It was simply a curtained off area within the room, with the girls right next to us. I put my clothes on one of the two benches inside and sat down, untying my shoes to remove them and my socks.

"When in doubt, retreat," My Shadow taunted seeing him standing in front of me. "How long will you try to ignore me? It doesn't change how you actually feel about all of this. Stuffing me down further, denying my existence. You told Rise about me and yet thats it. You've never mentioned me again. Not how often I appear or the things that I say. Oh I get it, because it would be admitting how much you lust for her right? How you fight your urges despite how much she wants you not to?"

Ignoring him? No that wasn't it. And it wasn't like admitting that would do any good. It was just a bad idea for us to...I stopped as my Shadow suddenly swooped in close.

"Justifying your actions. That's how we are. We logically explain how it isn't our fault. Shifting the blame to unfortunate circumstances. Give me a fucking break," My Shadow reached out and for the first time ever physically touched me. My blood went cold and I found myself looking at him, and I knew that the fear I felt was more than evident on my face. "Wake up, me. You haven't changed at all. You still refuse to face reality. You never take responsibility for your actions and blame everything else but yourself. Ha, your circumstances prevent you from being intimate? It isn't a good idea? Ha! It's so pathetic. That's not the truth! You're scared of her! You are scared of love, scared of intimacy. Scared of yourself. You don't deserve to be here you lying two-faced pretender. That is who we really are. A liar. Because you will never allow yourself to be truly honest with anyone! Including yourself!"

I couldn't look away, but just like that, my Shadow just faded away. Like he was never there, but he had touched me? How? Did I imagine that too? I looked down at my hands to realize I was shaking. My hands I couldn't steady them. I shook my head. No I was fine I just needed to get changed and by doing that I could dismiss this whole thing and forget about everything. I pulled off my shirt and got to my feet to pull off my pants but I found myself looking into a mirror. My chest had one scar on it, one that went from my close to my left shoulder to my midsection. It had been one caused by my uncle from the metal portion of a belt. I had rolled over onto my front after being hit, and then my Uncle pulled the belt hard...the belt cutting me open before I had realized it. My Uncle sweared at me as we went to the hospital about some excuse I would say to explain the injury. This was a scar that came from when I tried to resist. I had tried to stop him from hitting me again by grabbing it and putting my body weight on top of it. But it had backfired.

That was it wasn't it? I was afraid of really baring myself to Rise, to anyone. I was ashamed of myself and the injuries and scars I had. My vision blurred for a moment and I took an uneasy step to balance myself. Wait, what was that? I looked to see blood coming from my right arm? I looked down to see a blade in my left hand. Wait! When did I get that? Did I do this? When? How? What was going on? I collapsed to the ground as I felt my strength leaving me. I heard the curtain open, someone was yelling. My vision blurred again, worse this time as I fully collapsed against the ground. My world started to go black, as I saw the Shadow looming over me.

"The more you run away, the more I will remind you of who you really are," I was left with the haunting laugh of my Shadow as I fell into unconsciousness.

The next time I opened my eyes I had a couple of facts I couldn't ignore. One, my eyes felt like they were burning and my head hurt as if I had a massive migraine. Maybe I did. I could feel something on me, a blanket likely. And my head was elevated. I opened my eyes to find myself looking up at Rise. But it wasn't just her, everyone in the band was here. A realization hits me and I quickly sit up pulling the blanket off me and checked my right arm. There was nothing. No blood, no bandage, no nothing. Only the scars of the habit I had once been addicted to.

"Kayane, relax, you're okay," Rise put her hands on my shoulders and undoubtedly wanted me to lay back down, but I just looked down at my arm. I realized that I was sitting here bare chested in front of the band.

"Am I though?" I mutter more to myself. I looked to the others as they were looking at me. Likely part of the reason Rise had covered me up was to hide my scars. Only she had ever seen them in full. "You guys might as well see this anyway. The marks on my back are from the beatings from my Uncle. This scar on my chest was also a result of my Uncle and my stupidity. And the marks on my arm are self inflicted."

"Self inflicted?" Reiko's eyes went big. "Were you trying to...commit suicide?"

It was an obvious question but I shook my head. "No I only attempted that once a few years ago when I was in Middle School but I had been saved then because..."

"Because Saya went looking for you," Tsubasa interjected.

"No, Tsubasa don't..." Saya pulled on her friends arm.

"What? You saved his life I think he deserves to know that much," Tsubasa was waving her off.

I blinked. It was Saya who had been the one to find me then? Naturally I didn't remember because I never noticed anyone else, I never cared to. But even back then, so many people had looked over me. Though I was too much of an idiot to realize it. I looked down to the ground. How stupid could I be? How selfish was it to be that person? My vision blurred but this time it was due to tears building in my eyes. Why? Why was I like this? Why did I keep reverting back to this state? Was I truly that terrified of my life, of myself, of the future? I made myself so unapproachable, that even Tsubasa and Saya had never felt comfortable to talk to me. I had tried so hard to distance myself thinking it was the best for everyone. Who the hell was I to decide something like that?

Tears escaped and I felt myself pent up with a combination of frustration and disappointment in myself. "I'm not worth it...all I do is things to protect myself. In the end I will hurt you guys and..."

"Shut up," Taro was the one to speak.

"Yeah, what Taro-kun says! If we didn't believe in you and want to be here then we wouldn't be. Don't you realize that it is your music we're playing? All of us are here because of you!" Reiko was kneeling down next to me on my left.

"You may not see it that way, but its the truth for all of us," Tsubasa moved next to Reiko.

"You can't hurt us or bring us down when you are the reason we are here," Saya added from next to Tsubasa.

"You should believe in yourself," Rise scooted closer and put her arms around me, placing her head against my back.

"There is a lot of pressure, we know. You're worried, thats normal," Taro didn't move closer but he spoke clearly. "But we're a band. And as such we all bear the same burden. To be honest...none of us care about what the world thinks. Thats something your Mom, our Manager, deals with, not us. All we do is play the music, music that we want to play, not what we are told. And what we want to play is the music that you created."

How could they say all this? Is that what they really believed? Wasn't that too idealistic? Why would they ever put so much stock into something I created? This had to be a dream too, this can't be what they really felt.

"Stop that," Rise whispered on my back. And I realized that only I could hear her in this instance. Of course...because she knew I would not accept the words alone. I took a couple of long deep breaths and then exhaled slowly each time.

"I'm sorry guys...I'm just pathetic I know," I muttered.

"No, you aren't," Saya said and I looked up to see visible irritation in her eyes. "All of this is hard for you. But we'll be here to support you, every time."

Saya...Had she always looked at me this way from afar? She had been the victim of abuse as well. To what extent I didn't know. But it looked to me as if she wanted to reach out and comfort me as well, as if she could help soothe my pain as well.

"If I had to wager, I'd believe she wants to more than just comfort you," My Shadow's unwanted opinions came again. "She always watches us you know. And you don't believe that she has deeper feeling that she wants to express?"

Of course my Shadow would make that kind of observation to distract me from what they were saying. Either way I need to show them I could do this. I would be fine, I could rise above this. "Thanks, guys," I said and pushing away my tears although I felt myself losing myself to them more and more. "I just want everything to go right. I don't want to let any of you down and..."

Reiko suddenly moved forward and put her arms around me as well, and Tsubasa moved to do it too, and lastly so did Saya.

"We know that, idiot," Taro commented. "Haven't you been listening? We aren't going to let you bare that burden alone." To my surprise, Taro also added himself to the whole thing.

"This is our dream too. And you're like family to us now. We've watched you work so hard for all of us. We aren't going to let you do that on your own anymore," Tsubasa said.

That was too much for me to handle as I felt the last of my defenses crumble away to nothing. I cried. All my frustration and tension began to pour out through my tears as I felt all of them hold me tighter in their embrace. No matter if I felt I didn't deserve it, that I was the one that alone should bare the burdens of this band. Because it was my work that could ultimately lead to them succeeding or failing in their careers. I didn't want to fail them, and if they treated me like this then were they saying that I couldn't? No, they were saying that it was okay to fail. That in the end they wanted to go forward together, regardless of the outcome.

My tears continued as my cries turned into sobs. Regardless if I felt I deserved them or not, they were going to be here to support me. The believed in me, and wanted to be here for me. Those thoughts continued to keep my tears going. I will keep doing everything I can for them. No matter what.


April 29th, 2012 / Evening
Hamuko/Kana/Yukari's House

HAMUKO'S POINT OF VIEW

"So I guess that means you'll be on the other side of the country for about a week huh?" I said as I was cutting up a carrot to put into the stew I was making for dinner. Yukari was sitting in the dining room and bouncing Kokoro in her lap. The young girl giving off noises of clearly enjoying herself.

"Yes, though I don't like it. I know you and Kana can take of Kokoro in the mean time but I just don't like being away from her for so long," Yukari frowned briefly but was smiling again when Kokoro reached out and grabbed her Mother's nose. "What are you doing?" Her voice sounding nasally until she pried her daughters hand from her nose. "You silly girl." Kokoro responded with a satisfied giggle.

"I know why your worried," I said with a smile. "You want to be here when she takes her first steps." It was something Yukari had been worried about. Kokoro was getting bigger and should have been at Toddler level already. Generally a baby would take her first steps closer to a year old, not a year and seven months later. So of course she was worried that Kokoro was not developing right. Kokoro was already an expert at feeding herself...or at least when it comes to using a spoon, but she likes to make a mess. Her words were coming to, as a matter of fact, had no problem calling for Mama when she was away.

So in a lot of area's Kokoro was developing nicely but she still hadn't walked. Yukari placed her on the ground and then Kokoro took off across the ground, heading toward her block set. Proceeding to smash down what Kana had built up earlier. I couldn't help but giggle.

"The doctors tell me not to worry about it, but I know she should be able to walk by now," Yukari sighed and watched as Kokoro was stacking up the blocks again.

"We've done a lot to help her learn too. I think she is just being stubborn and wants to do it on her own. I mean she climbs up on the couch all the time without any help," I pointed out as I finished cutting up the vegetables and putting them into the large pot that was cooking.

"Yeah, I guess so," Yukari's worries still remained obvious.

"That's only part of it though. You're concerned about what you guys ran into in that place," I said as I had seen part of what they witnessed after. It had not been a good sight. Mitsuru had created cleanup crews which started today. A brief message from her suggested they had found out some information about the experiments already. And had sifted through the information that Aigis and I had gone through from where we had been. She hadn't said anything about the details, but said she would be coming by tomorrow to do so. "Do you want me to call you tomorrow night after Mitsuru meets with us?"

"I was trying not to think about that," Yukari rubbed her arm and looked back to me. "For the longest time I thought my Father had been doing some of the worst experiments. I mean it was his research that inevitably led to the Dark Hour. The truth was much more skewed than that. A lot of people were deceived and no one had a big picture of what the company was doing. My Father led research having to do with the Dark Hour and him pursuing a Time Manipulation Device using the power of Shadows. When we met Aigis, we learned that there was also the Mechanical Maiden project. Aigis herself being the 7th generation, which was research that had been ongoing before my Father even joined the Kirijo Group. Then we learned about Strega, a group of kids that were experimented on that forced the potential of Persona onto them. And then there is..." She stopped looking to me. I just shrugged.

"Yes, I was part of the experiments trying to find a way to develop natural potential to children," I commented not surprised by her concerns. "I also think its natural that there was other research that led to this point. Before they could do research about the Dark Hour or Time Manipulation there would have been experiments on Shadows. Before there was experiments to forced potential there would have been success in finding a way to create potential. Which likely is related to the Mechanical Maidens. We know the end result but not how most of these originated."

"Yeah," Yukari shifted a bit uncomfortably before looking back to Kokoro who was now smashing down her stacked blocks. "Everything needs a foundation...a beginning. That's why Minato had suspected there to be more research than what was in the Kirijo Database."

"And your husband was right," I said in a way to catch her attention and pointing to a stack of papers on the edge of the table. "You have all the paperwork in order you know. You just need to go submit it."

Yukari's face eased and a smile appeared, "Arisato Yukari. Can't believe I did it. I'll be married to Minato, even though he isn't here."

"Well Aunt Isako vouched as a member of the Arisato Family and one of the entries in his Journal that he left you was more than enough to convince them to allow a post-humorous wedding. After all you gave your daughter his name as well," I pointed out. Japan was strict when it came to names and marriages as family records were important. It helped that Aunt Isako lied saying she had heard personally the desire of Minato to marry her. Them having a child also only strengthened that and so there was little fight against it. "Well most of the world will know you as Takeba Yukari." While she would use Arisato as her legal name, her Stage name would be Takeba Yukari. Not a huge deal, a lot of stars did so after getting married. Mostly because the world knows them already under one name. And despite her short time as a model she was gaining popularity quickly. It also helped that she could act as well.

Yukari was still looking at Kokoro. "I don't want her to ask why my name isn't the same as her Dad's. If he was here, it would be, without question."

"Mama..." Kokoro said and then she got to her feet. I looked to Yukari and saw her stunned face made me smile. Yukari moved away from the table and bent down as Kokoro took her first uneasy steps. Waddling and then falling once, but Yukari didn't move and then Kokoro, determined got back up and made the rest of the distance to Yukari, who was speechless. "Mama, play..."

"Oh my goodness...Kokoro. Yes, yes I'll play with you," Yukari's face immediately brightened up.

"I got it all on video, Oneesama," Kana said as she had been quietly sitting and watching the TV in the room for most of the time, but had pulled her phone out and had recorded the whole thing.

"Nice job, Kana," I grinned as I turned back to look after dinner. The distraction had done well enough to avert Yukari from the previous discussion. Mitsuru would have details onto what they had learned from the abandoned labs when she got here tomorrow. I felt that regardless of what it was, it wouldn't be the best of news. Still Kokoro constantly was there when Yukari was beginning to feel down to cheer up her Mother. I was beginning to think that Kokoro was psychic when it came to her Mother's moods. But maybe that was normal.

Still, what was the incident in Inaba? Kana and I had tried to investigate while we were there and were only able to hear rumors about something called The Midnight Channel. Most of the police reports about the serial murders were still out of our grasp. We had only learned about the kidnappings because of our own researching and seeing the missing peoples reports that had come in. Those were on public record. And Kayane, he knew more than he wanted to tell, but why? Was there also a Kirijo Group installation there or was it something else entirely? Hopefully tomorrows meeting would answer some of these questions. If not, it may be time to ask more pointed questions at Kayane.

I sighed and stirred the stew. "Dinner's ready."


A/N:

Well at the very least the end of the Chapter was a little more uplifting then how it starts. Things will likely only continue to get more tense as we get forward, but thats just because we got a lot of things that are going on as we go. There is quite a number of characters to cover, even with me only focusing on a limited number of them. But other characters are still going to be introduced and all of it is in service for Kayane and Rise in one way or another. The reason for Hamuko and Kana and focusing on them and how they tie in closer to Kayane and Rise will become more obvious as we go from Chapter to Chapter.

Kayane's Shadow isn't going anywhere in the near future. And so things are moving forward. Things get more tense as it does, we all know what is coming after all. We are slowly making our way closer to the beginning of Arena, which starts on May 2nd. So only a couple days off in the Fic from the start. But we got at least another chapter before we get there.

One thing that was rough about writing this chapter is when ti comes to Kayane. I can imagine how frustrating it can be to see Kayane seem to regress a bit. But there is something I want to address on this point because I'm also someone that suffers from chronic depression. It takes a lot of time to really move forward, and it is really easy to slip back into old habits. One thing that I don't linger on is how Kayane used to cut himself. It sounds very odd that someone would feel better by cutting themselves, but its often used as a form of release. People that cut often have high stress lives and feel like they have no freedom. Granted I am making very sweeping generalizations so keep that in mind. But people that cut often feel like the very tension and stress leaves them through where they cut. It is a feeling of release that can become addicting. Making it that much harder for people to get away from. This leads us to a problem Kayane is having...he feels a lot of pressure but because of his desire to impress Rise and not worry her, he has been holding a lot of things inside. So even though his intentions are good...he has stopped communicating with her.

This is something that tends to happen with people that were ever self-destructive. When they start doing better, they don't want to admit when they are struggling and slipping back. This is completely normal, and it isn't a bad thing or dismiss the progress they have made. It's more of a speed bump. The important thing...which is important for everyone, is having support. Something Kayane actually has in his life now. Not only is Rise there for him, but now he has his band, and his Mother. And all of this doesn't even count the rest of the Investigation Team as they would definitely be there to support him as well.

Plenty of challenges ahead for them, and well...we got a big revelation coming up in the next chapter. What is it? Well I guess you better come back next week to find out.

Let me know what you think of this week's chapter and I hope you've enjoyed it all up to this point. I will see you all next week with the next chapter!