Chapter 65 / Fantasia
July 28th, 2012 / Time Unknown
TV World
It's like being imprisoned in glass. But no amount of pounding could hope to break it. No amount of yelling could ever be heard outside of it. Maybe to some it would seem like I was completely trapped by Nyarlathotep. That my denying myself had been completely his design. But I realized that I had put up most of these walls myself. And for the stupidest of reasons.
What is the purpose of life? That was a question I've had again and again. I don't remember much as a kid. As I had learned recently, after the crash that took my parents lives and my sister's leg, I was taken to live with my relative, my Uncle. In hindsight, I recognize that the abuse I suffered from him was responsible for a lot of my own misgivings. But I just thought it was how life went. It was Miyuki that changed my perspective, who showed me that life could be better. But what was better? Was it enough to have those moments of reprieve before my Uncle would come home? I never saw a way out. My thoughts and dreams of Miyuki, of saving her of living that "better" life that she talked about. It was all that kept me going. But that was taken in an instant by Miyuki's Father. The man I hated above all others.
What was left for me after Miyuki? What was the point of carrying on? My pathetic childish dream died with Miyuki. Nanase adopted me, and she did everything she could for me. But what was the purpose in me living? I couldn't understand, couldn't comprehend that I would never see Miyuki again. So many thoughts and feelings that I couldn't verbalize, and yet I was surrounded by people that kept asking me those questions. Tell us what happened to you. Tell us what your Uncle did to you. What do you feel? Tell us what hurts you. Tell us. But why should I tell them anything? Miyuki wasn't going to come back. And it took time for me to come to terms with that truth. The concept of death is something not easy for a child to accept.
I didn't understand the reasons for living, or dying. While visiting Tokyo with my adopted Mother Nanase, I spent time with a girl auditioning to be an Idol. Mishita Kanami. She was a bright eyed girl and had talked to me about her dreams and about the person she wanted to be like. And while she was on one of her breaks we went exploring and found that idol. Dead, hanging from a lighting rig on one of the stages. She looked devastated so I did what I could to divert the attention to myself. I answered the police's questions. Well they still talked with Kanami but that experience had shown me something. That people could choose to end their own life.
After all I had seen in my life, I didn't realize that this was a possible choice. If I didn't like my life I could just choose for it to end? It was a somewhat liberating discovery. As if I had found a solution to all my problems. Mom wouldn't have to worry about me, or cry for my sake anymore. As time passed and I thought about it, I believed I had found a solution. I could escape the questions, and the loneliness. I could forget about my apathetic feelings towards life. There was no reason, no purpose to life. It was just existence, there was no choice on you being born but... death... death could be a choice. When everything was settled I couldn't help but wonder what would lead to that choice. What was the benefit of ending your life? What was the downside?
Life had been nothing but a series of failures and pain. Any good memories I might have had were all of people that were no longer alive. What was worth looking forward to? What could life possibly offer me in the future? Was there any reason for pursuing such an unknown?
I thought I needed to know the answer then. And when I thought of it, I couldn't come up with an answer. So with a razor blade I hid on me during an excursion for school. I split off from my class and cut myself, overlooking the town of Inaba. The place that was supposed to be my home. But it held no significance for me. I bled, hoping to leave it all behind, maybe see Miyuki again. But that was just a childish dream. Life, death, or the concept of living after death. None of that mattered then. Only that for a brief moment I felt free.
I woke up again in the hospital, and my Mother, Nanase, crying over me, begging me to never do something like that again. I hadn't died. I didn't understand anything. Was there nothing I could do that was my own choice?
All of these were childish thoughts. Thoughts of a child that didn't know better. But now, now I had purpose... reason...I... Hmm? Strange I was sure that my thoughts had a conclusion but why is it blank? I have a purpose in life. I know that I do, but what? What was it? I felt hazy, unfocused. And so I tried to open my eyes. It felt like I hadn't used them in some time. It was more difficult then I could imagine, and my vision was unfocused, blurry.
"Why? Why did you target him?" A familiar voice I could hear. One that made me want to reach out to them. They sounded strained.
"A man that has been like him gave birth to my ideal power. What better way to see humanity destroy itself? The grand symphony that his power shall conduct will show the true nature of this world. There could be nothing more beautiful than man bringing itself to extinction. It's what you all deserve, after all it is what humanity craves. Can you deny that Ikakure Kayane did not desire it for himself?" the other voice that responded seemed unfeeling, angry, accusatory in nature. And yet proud?
"Is that what you think?" another voice, one I recognized. A male? Confident... and sure of his words. Narukami Yu. Of course, he was one that was rarely unsure of his actions. "You were with him all that time and yet you still don't understand how Kayane felt. He did not want to end his life, or ever wish for the destruction of others. He's simply a man that is filled with doubt. Doubt that we all experience. His life was changing for the better, in a way he had never experienced before. It's only natural that he would have doubts. That he would wonder if he deserves that change. I know because when I came to Inaba I gained true friends. Close friends I never had before. Including Kayane himself. Don't you dare say you understand what Kayane wants, because you don't understand a damn thing other than your biased one sided viewpoint."
That dark voice laughed, sending a shiver down my spine as it awakened memories in me. That's right, it was my Shadow, right? No, I knew for a while that it couldn't be. We knew that an individual's Shadow and Persona cannot both exist at the same time. No, it was like Yu was saying. I had doubts about everything about... about what? Something was missing. something I couldn't remember.
"What you believe you know over me is inconsequential. I have control of his power and the key part of his Persona. Without it, he shall remain nothing but a husk and the world will long be on the path to self destruction before you can reclaim it. Only an hour remains before the world is covered in fog. And you should realize by now that attacking me doesn't mean that he'll wake up. So I wonder precisely what you plan to do," the dark voice laughed. Something about that voice made me irritated.
"I get it," a voice, soft and sounding hurt. The voice was so close to me, I could probably reach out and touch them. My vision was blurry, I knew there was someone there. I turned ever so slightly towards the source. "You're banking on me to stop the others from attacking you. Because of how close I was to committing murder when I thought someone had killed Kayane before back in December. You kept him in that coma, pushing all of us to our limits. You want me to place Kayane above the rest of the world."
"I'm not so foolish in believing that being possible. Are you holding back all of them? Unlikely. Takahashi is waiting for the perfect moment to strike me even now. Waiting for my guard to drop. You aren't special, girl. Your connection to this fool was just a convenient tool to get what I wanted. None of you have ever mattered. You are all but a small fraction of a world of imbeciles. Tell me, what is worth saving in this world? Humanity is a joke. Philemon is such a fool to believe that humanity could ever be more than basic creatures," the dark voice scoffed.
"We know the world isn't ideal. But humanity has the capacity to grow, learn and become better. And we aren't giving up on that," This voice had to belong to Amagi Yukiko. The one always at Yu's side. I mean of course she would say that we all fought for... for... something...
"Give it up Nyarlathotep. You want to keep acting like you're the one in charge here, but you don't have any power. What you have is stolen," another voice. The name Takahashi Hamuko came to my mind. But I still couldn't see anything.
"You can't keep hold of Kayane's power. He's fighting you, right now isn't he? That's why you're getting nervous. I mean why else are you using his weapons?" the voice close to me said again.
"I've had enough of this prattle," the dark voice growled.
Something felt wrong. There was hostility in the air, and I was able to move. My hand reached up and grasped onto something that had just appeared above me. Yes, this was my weapon. I still couldn't focus my mind.
"Kayane!" the voice next to me had a mixture of surprise as well as joy in her voice.
There was something connected to my weapon, I could feel it. And words I needed to speak. "Last Symphony!" I said and used the weapon to cut through an arcana card that appeared. The target of my ability was none other myself. However, I did not realize that I had dragged one other into its effect. As the light of my skill blinded everyone around me... the power of Last Symphony pulled me... and her into the depths of my mind.
RISE'S POINT OF VIEW
I hadn't believed what just happened. Nyarlathotep had lashed out at me but his attack didn't reach me. Kayane, who I thought had been unconscious on the table, grabbed the sickle from the air and in the next moment had somehow summoned his Persona and used the Last Symphony on himself. And the effect of which I had been pulled into. But when I had seen this move done before it had put Minazuki Sho in a lot of pain, and forced him to relieve the impact of his decisions. But this... just where was I?
It was dark, cold, uncomfortably cold. I couldn't really see anything. But if I was pulled into the effects of the Last Symphony, I could hardly predict where I had ended up. I reached out trying to focus Kouzeon to sense my surroundings but I immediately could sense Kayane... all around me. But if that is true then...
I heard a sound, a whimper, a sniffle. Someone on the verge of tears. I turned towards the source of the sound and despite the lack of light I made my way towards it. Putting my hands out to hopefully not run into anything. It was slow going but the sound got ever so louder. Then I could see a dim light, and was around a corner. I picked up pace, now having some light to guide me. I reached a corner and went around it. A gust of wind rushed by me and I saw moonlight shining down on a tree. A tree I had seen before. Sitting underneath the tree was a boy, his arms hugging his knees and his head hiding in his arm. He was crying, trying to suppress the noise of his anguish.
"Miyuki's gone. She won't come back. I'm all alone. I'll always be alone... I don't want anyone else. I want Miyuki back. I don't want to be alone. Don't leave me... please..." The boy's thoughts echoed around me as I approached him. I knelt down next to him. But I felt I couldn't reach out to him just yet.
"Kayane," I spoke his name softly.
The boy froze for a moment before he carefully picked up his head and glanced at me. He stared at me, "Who are you?"
The confusion of my identity was obvious. This had to be a critical part of who Kayane is though. This part may not remember who I am, but maybe I could guide him to other parts of himself. I smiled at him, unable to think about how cute Kayane was as a kid. "I'm here to help you," I said as comforting as I could.
"Help?" he looked confused. "I need to find Miyuki. I need to see her."
I closed my eyes a moment. I think part of me was always jealous of Miyuki. A girl that had died still held so much of Kayane's heart. It was such stupid thing to be jealous of. In truth, I think what bothered me was that Kayane had never truly accepted Miyuki's death, or the loss of that place of comfort. That was why everything came back to this tree. I opened my eyes and reached out my hand, "Then let's go look for her, together."
He hesitated, as I expected he would. "How do you know my name?"
"I'm a friend of Miyuki's," I told him with only a slight pause. "I'm Rise."
"You know Miyuki?" he asked, looking suspiciously at me.
I nod, "She helped me, and asked me to look after you."
He slowly reached out and took my hand, "Okay. But you better not be lying." His hand was so small, it felt so real. Such a young Kayane was so cute. I really wanted to hug him. Not because he was so young and I wanted to protect this image of Kayane but because it had felt like ages since I had last held Kayane in my arms. Despite the dark and the cold, having him with me made the cold easy to ignore.
I could see a light in the distance. It looked like a house. Not just one, but two houses. Street lamps lit, illuminating a path. If it was a pair of houses I could imagine the destination we were meant to go to was the house of Kayane's Uncle, and the home where Miyuki lived. But I know that when we arrived we were going to see something, a source of Kayane's trauma. If I had to guess either one of Miyuki being sexually assaulted by her Father, or when she died. Had he seen that event? I couldn't remember if he had witnessed the moment of her death. All that had ever been said was that he had been an instrumental witness in the sexual abuse she sustained and convicting her Father.
I walked with the young Kayane at my side, holding my hand. Was taking him there the best choice? Did I have another option? My hesitance slowed my pace as the two of us walked, because it wasn't that far of a distance.
"Kayane, just know that no matter what happens. I will always support you. Even if we're apart. And I'll never give up on you and our future," I told the young boy.
"But why?" the young Kayane asked. He stopped and looked up at me.
I turned towards him and then knelt down in front of him so I could look into his eyes. This was undeniably Kayane. Those crystal blue eyes stared back curious as to why I had said what I did. "You're an important person to more than you know. Especially me. No one is as important to me than you."
He stared at me, "But I don't..."
"Kay-chan," a new voice came from behind Kayane. He turned to the source and standing there was none other than Miyuki. A young girl, one that had been everything for Kayane. "It's time to move on. You don't need to hold on to this anymore."
"But... But Miyuki! We were supposed to grow up together... be a family... be..." young Kayane shook his head, wanting to reject her words.
"Kay-chan, we are family. Always were. Just because I died will never change that. I know things didn't go how you want, but do you think I wanted you to hold onto those memories? Remember the good times we had, but you don't need to hold onto what happened to us then. You're Uncle was a horrible man, just like my Father. Forget them, they deserve any place in your memories. They aren't worth the anger or rage. There is nothing more to be done. But you still have a future, a life that I fought to protect. Yeah, I wanted to be there but I'm not. And I don't want you wasting your life with your thoughts on me. Not when you have someone like Rise at your side. She loves you, Kayane. Go with her, to the future," as she spoke it was clear to me that this was the real Miyuki. The one that had helped me in the Velvet Room.
"But I don't want to be without you," the young Kayane shook his head.
Miyuki laughed and approached him. She reached out and touched his chest, "You've never been without me, silly. I'll always watch over you. I promised you I would, didn't I?"
"But..." Kayane shook his head again and I noticed tears coming from his eyes.
"Kayane," Miyuki's voice grew firm and gave him a serious look. "Stop running away from the truth. I'm dead. Wake up! You've spent too long refusing to face this fact. The only reason you gave up on life after I died is because you refused to acknowledge what happened to me. Stop living in the past or you'll lose your future."
The young Kayane was devastated by this. He broke down into tears and let out a frustrated scream. I bent down and put my arms around him. He turned and buried himself in my embrace. It was as if Miyuki had opened a door that had been sealed shut. Behind it was all the pain, and sorrow from him losing Miyuki. The emotions he refused to face before.
As Kayane cried, I looked to Miyuki who met my eyes, "Be careful. As you gather each part of him, his fears will become stronger. You will need to be his strength."
I nodded, "I'll protect him."
Miyuki smiled, "I know you will."
She then seemed to disappear along with the environment around us. It shifted more but I focused more on Kayane. So then, had he accepted Miyuki's death? Was that why Miyuki and the environment was shifting? These parts are probably the most important and well guarded fears he has. Starting back from when he was a kid. How much had he held in? How much had he been unable to say?
It was one thing to realize he had been abused, but another that he had been a witness to his friends murder and sexual abuse. It sounds horrible but there are other factors to consider. Kayane had been young then, likely without a full understanding as to what Miyuki was going through versus his own experience. Which leads to... his fear of intimacy. That likely came from his realization later on when he learned more about what Miyuki had suffered. It made sense. With the constant counselors, therapists or specialists that continued to pry into his life, to "help" him. But there were things he couldn't just talk about and get better. No, if anything it was like Kayane had talked about briefly. He suspected that he had a form post-traumatic stress disorder. But he also had quickly dismissed it when I suggested talking to a different professional from a new point of view, and that I would go with him.
I sat there with the young Kayane as he continued to cry and clutch onto me. I shifted and pulled him closer against me. I was going to save him. Pull him back together and then we would defeat Nyarlathotep. I believed that with all my heart. But if there was one thing I learned from all my time with the TV world and the other problems we have faced, we are never done facing ourselves. The troubles and problems we face are never truly over. And Kayane will have to fight with that pain for the rest of his life. I love him, and the only way to really prove that is to be the support he needs. To never give up on him. Things change, our lives will change. But I am confident that we can go forward into the future, together.
I'm not sure how long we were there, but after time, his tears began to slow, and he started to ease his grip on me. But he didn't move away from me. In fact I felt he became more comfortable and relaxed.
Miyuki had shown up, and I think it was because she didn't want Kayane to see it again. After all, what was the point of that? Seeing it again would just make him revert, never moving forward. It was time to leave that in the past. That is always easier said than done. And it wasn't something you would just be able to get over in a day or night.
I finally looked back up and saw that now we were on a hillside. Not just any but one that overlooked Inaba. It was winter as snow was covered around us. Kayane looked around as well and he then separated from me. I wanted to keep hold of him but I relented as he went to the overlook point. Capable of seeing the whole town. I blinked as I watched the young Kayane shift into how he truly looks. This was the real Kayane.
"Kayane?" I called out and wanted to immediately reach out and grab him.
"Rise?" He turned back to me as if he was seeing me for the first time. I saw tears forming and so I quickly moved towards him and put my arms around his neck. "Oh, God, it really is you, isn't it?"
"Of course it is. Do you know how worried I've been?" I felt his arms around me and took in his scent and warmth. This was undoubtedly, Kayane.
"Sorry, Rise. I know I should have told you about all of this but I... couldn't find the courage to say it," Kayane said in a whisper as I felt his embrace tighten around me.
"Don't apologize, Kayane. You've spent so much of your life facing all of this alone. I know it can't be easy for you to open your heart. You don't need to rush to tell me everything. We're both going to have our worries, right? I should have confronted you when I noticed the fresh cuts on your arm. But I just pretended everything was okay. I love you. It also scares me how deeply I feel for you. I was frightened as to what might happen if I brought it up. That you would push me away. I am such a coward," I felt a few tears escape my own eyes as I quietly confessed my own fears. "I want to be strong for you, to be the one you can come to for everything..."
"Rise, you've been my strength since I met you. You cried for a complete stranger. Then you tried to make me comfortable with the others. You checked up on me, then challenged me to start living again. Just because I have so much difficulty with it is not indicative of how I feel. Why do you think I fell in love with you? Actually, that is a long list," Kayane chuckled, and that laugh filled me with warmth. It felt like forever since I had felt like this.
"But we aren't done yet. We still have to gather back your remaining pieces," I took a deep breath trying to regain my focus. As much as I would love to lose myself in his embrace, we needed to work on defeating Nyarlathotep.
"Yeah, they are all here in my subconscious. But I'm connected to them. Even if he has sealed them from me. This was always a matter of time. As long as he can maintain control of Symphonic Discord and spread the fog around the world long enough, we won't be able to reverse what he's done. Look, Rise..." he pulled away to be able to look into my eyes.
"There is so much I want to say to you. So much I want to ask. I can't imagine what he did to you, to make you deny your Shadow again. I want to just protect you from having to face him. I am so frustrated that I was so powerless to help you," I wanted nothing more than to vent all the frustration and pain to him that I had felt since I realized he had been taken to the Midnight Stage.
"Considering I had someone actively messing with the memories in my head I'm fine with how things have gone. But if you want to know what it was I was seeing. I think you'll see it soon," Kayane said as he let go of me and stepped back towards the outlook over the city. "I thought I had it all figured out years ago. I stood here in the winter. Looking out over Inaba. It was after the incident in Tokyo, where I met Kanami, and the suicide of an idol. Was there a point in living? I tried to think of a reason, anything that made me want to hold onto to life. But I couldn't see it then. So I took a razor blade I had hidden on me to cut into my arm. Honestly, it wasn't that deep but blood ran easily out. I watched it with a morbid curiosity and watched it fall into the snow. I don't even know why I decided to do it. Maybe a part of me was convinced I had found a way to reunite with Miyuki. All childish thoughts from one that didn't understand anything. I thought I had been a burden to Mom. That she was better off without me. But I was wrong."
"Saya told me that she noticed when you had left the rest of the group that day. And that she went searching for you along with Tsubasa," I remembered that conversation. And how emotional that Saya-chan was then.
"Yeah, up until then I had convinced myself that I didn't matter. That my life was nothing but a burden. That no one would react to my passing. I realized then it wasn't true. I realized that Mom really just did want me to be happy. That I even had classmates that cared. So I knew at the very least I had to live. But that wasn't enough. I still hadn't acknowledged Miyuki's death. I still clung to some childish notion that Miyuki was just far away, and that I had a chance to see her again. I don't know why," Kayane turned back to me. "I was static after that. I threw myself into my music. And it was when I heard a song by some aspiring idol that started to make me move again."
A fact I could never forget. It was inexplicably what tied us together before we had ever met. It had changed both our lives. I wouldn't say it made us destined to meet. Fate was not something I believed in though. Things happen because of choices that people make. I only met everyone because I decided to quit being an idol. That was a choice no one could have forced me to make, not when so many people wanted me to just muscle through it. My Mother had been vehemently against me quitting, even going so far as to try to tell me to go back. But Grandma had been there and chastised my Mom and I ended up agreeing to move in with Grandma instead of home with my parents. I knew if I moved home that my Mom would just try and guilt me back into being an idol. While Dad supported my decision he wasn't exactly able to protect me from Mom while at work.
No, fate didn't bring me to Inaba, it was my choice, to run away from being an idol, to run away from myself, and to not have to face my Mom who seemed to only care about my fame and career. The events happening in Inaba at the time didn't even register as something I should be concerned about until Kanji, Yosuke and Yu had come to warn me. My circumstances fit the mold of the other victims. Someone who had recently seen attention in the media and was in Inaba. That was really it. There was nothing special or unique that got me targeted and involved in the TV world and the others. Just as it was with Kayane. The special on troubled teens had shown him, and even though they didn't say a name he was definitely well known in the area. They didn't need to have a name to be a target. Unfortunately we hadn't made the connection to him fast enough.
"I don't think it should ever be so easy to accept the passing of a loved one. My Uncle was the one that set me on the path of being an idol. I loved my Uncle a lot. And it was after his death when I started to lose myself and my goals. But then I was able to meet everyone, and you," I smiled and looked at him. "You still have an uncanny ability to know what I'm really thinking. Just by listening to me. I shouldn't expect anything less from somewhat with such talented ears."
"I listened to your music religiously, it was what continually motivated me," He shook his head. "Maybe it sounds odd considering the fans you likely have. Like the girl you mentioned to me before. She reached out and told you how much you gave her courage. I even knew you were in Inaba after you announced your supposed break. Heard lots of people talking about you. But meeting you wasn't important to me. And what would my words mean when I'm sure many before me had told you such inspiring words. And likely would have been more believable."
"I probably wouldn't have thought much of it. You're right. Circumstances were different before either of us were kidnapped and put into the TV World. Even if you had sought me out after I arrived in town I probably wouldn't have really listened to you. I was just going through the motions then with everyone," I shook my head thinking back. That seemed like a lifetime ago. Life certainly had been a roller coaster since then.
"The fact is though, that we did meet. You and the others came to rescue me. I still remember the sight of you crying. You saw the truth of my own guilt in Miyuki's death. That I blamed myself for it. Or at least it seemed that way. In reality it was a lie I had convinced myself to be true. How could I live on when she was dead? But I had never accepted her death. I was running away from the truth of it, so much that I believed it. I didn't do enough to help Miyuki. I watched her be hurt so many times. I watched her be violated and held down. She'd show up with bruises and some sore muscles from how much she fought back. It was like she was always dealing with some sort of injury. Then for a long time I just didn't want to talk about it. It wasn't that the professionals couldn't have helped me, but you know how the saying goes. You can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped," Kayane had a grim look and sighed.
"Kayane, don't be ashamed of that. Miyuki was everything to you. She was all you had in a life of abuse, and you thought there was nothing more to life. I couldn't begin to imagine what you must have felt then," I spoke softly and moved to him, putting a hand on his shoulder that he surprisingly did not move or react to. Was it because this was a dream world?
He chuckled, "I wish I knew what it was I felt. Because I don't think I felt anything then. I was at school when I was told. I think there were a lot of reports that stated I witnessed her death. Maybe a part of me even wanted to believe it. But I wasn't. I had witnessed years of the sexual abuse against her. Just as she had witnessed the abuse against me. But that time was a trap that Miyuki set for her Father. One that she ensured did not involve me. Mom, I mean, Miyuki's Mom was the key. Miyuki, no doubt, planned it so not only would I be at school, as to not be able to realize something was up but also managed to give conflicting information to both her parents. Her Father thought he had all the time to enjoy himself. While her Mom came rushing home thinking there was a problem. It just wasn't what she could possibly have imagined."
I wasn't sure what I could say in response to him. But Kayane raised his hand indicating he wasn't finished.
"I know, we're wasting time. I just had to tell you. I realize that I haven't grieved for Miyuki. And maybe I still will need to even after this is over. But that will have to be enough for now," Kayane then turned his head with a more serious look. "It's coming."
I turned as Kouzeon stirred within me, alarming me of incoming danger from that direction. A storm of intense malice and hatred. And the environment was swept away as if the trees, snow and scenery was nothing but dust. What replaced it was a dark and dreary place. The floor was made of cold and wet stone and the air with a much harsher chill than when the ground had been covered in snow. I still stepped forward in front of Kayane as I felt that mass of dark emotions centered on him and I summoned Inahime. The resulting clash happened in an instance and relied on my instincts to guide me. I turned and jumped at Kayane, tackling him to the ground as an attack came from our side where Inahime couldn't protect us from.
I rolled off of Kayane and bounced back to my feet as a Shadow shaped that looked more like a panther with an overly bad case of overbite jumped at us. I sidestepped and used my baton to smash the Shadow on the side of his head and send it spiraling away. Impulsively I listened to my instincts and dove to the other side and summoned Inahime again and clashed against a massive Gigas type Shadow and sent it stumbling to its knees. I knew the weakness for these Shadows so I summoned Inahime and unleashed a powerful maziodyne electrical attack.
The panther Shadow was defeated, only the Gigas type remained. But that malice and hatred was still very much prevalent. I didn't hesitate and crossed the distance to the Gigas and put my strength into a double baton hit before hitting it again with maziodyne. The Shadow vanished, but I kept my guard up.
"Whoa, Rise. That was... impressive. And that was your other Persona?" Kayane seemed surprised. I turned to see the evidence on it with his wide eyes.
"Inahime, she exists to help me protect you. I don't want you to stand on the front lines without me. Never again," I tell him as I sense that malevolent force around us.
"You awakened to a new power, for my sake?" Kayane hung his head. I moved towards him as I felt that malevolence encroaching around us. "Even after all that has happened you truly are strong. No, you are even stronger now that you were when we met."
"Thanks to you," I said to him.
"Rise... I..." he started but in less than a moment he was gone, dragged into that malevolent energy.
I didn't hesitate, I dived in after him.
KAYANE'S POINT OF VIEW
My eyes were burning, as if I had been unable to close them and they were drying out. I blinked but my eyes didn't feel any better. I had been with Rise just a moment ago, but now I was... I was... tied to a chair? The room was familiar, but I had never personally been in one. It was an interrogation room. The chair I was tied to was sitting in the center, with the usual table pushed to the side. I could only imagine anything was going to happen to me in such a state.
The door to the room opened, and the individual that stepped in... was Shirogane Naoto.
"My, my, this is not a situation I saw coming, Senpai," Shirogane closed the door behind her. "Although I can't say this isn't a desirable outcome. Having you here, and no one to get in the way."
"What are you talking about?" I kept my eyes on her. This was an illusion, but why Naoto?
"Time is dwindling down until the world becomes nothing more than a place of hate and destruction, and it is all thanks to you and your power," Naoto waltzed up to me in a memorizing way. Her movements were smooth, elegant, purposeful. Her hand reached out onto my chest and she easily pushed me and chair back until I was against the wall. There was no resisting her or stopping it. "How does it feel? It was your heart that gave birth to such power. Symphonic Discord wasn't it? When you use the power the person hit with it is forced to acknowledge their differences from those around them. You used it to separate Shadows that merged together. And that lies the truth of your power, they are forced to separate. You don't actually make them aware of their individuality, you force it upon them. So what do you believe happens if you had turned it upon a Persona user?"
Hearing this twisted tone coming from Naoto was disheartening. I knew that this was not really her, that this was likely a manipulation from either Nyarlathotep or something in my own mind. It couldn't be discounted either way. I knew the implication here.
"Ripping out someone's Persona... as if ripping out their veins from their body. Yeah, you're probably right. The creation of that power was focused behind a single desire after all. To separate the person from Shadow. And because Persona and Shadow are one of the same coin, why wouldn't it do something as horrendous as that? Believe me, I understood the dangers of my powers. They were born from my own heart and desires after all," I looked her in the eyes, knowing that this illusion was likely meant to tear me down or doubt my decisions in some way. I didn't need any help in that regard. I had a lot of regrets in my life. Perhaps that wasn't something that was normal for most my age. But life doesn't give us much choice in this regard.
We don't choose our parents, we can't control much of anything as children. And as I've learned in my studies in psychology and similar topics, that we are inexplicably affected by the early years of our lives and it shapes who we will become. My experiences with death and loss so early in my life have made me who I am. The abuse I suffered harmed my view of the world. Even acknowledging that doesn't mean it is so easy to change. No, it was always going to be an uphill battle for me.
"You're so much more interesting than the others. You don't deny that you have the capacity to hurt others. You know you can do better than any of them," The fake Naoto straddled me and sat on my lap since I was confined to the chair. There was nothing I could do to stop it. Her warmth, even the smell of Naoto was perfectly replicated, but it felt wrong in every sense. "Your fear is delectable. This contact, this intimacy, it hurts, doesn't it?" She used her hand and cupped the side of my face and caressed me with a satisfied smile.
I shivered, but it wasn't because of the contact, it was because I could see it in her eyes, the desire, the want to hurt me, to see me in pain. So I did the only thing I could, I laughed. "You don't understand anything if you believe it is intimacy that I'm afraid of."
She glared at me and then slapped me hard across the face but I didn't feel it. The impact had no weight to it, it wasn't real, "You think you have it all figured out, don't you?"
"This is my mind, no one understands it better than me. And the only one that hurts me here is myself," I cocked my head to the side. The fake was sent across the room and slammed into the wall and my bindings simply disappeared. I got to my feet and rubbed my wrists, "It seems the haze of Nyarlathotep's influence is weakening. So, he set up these illusions to distract and delay me from figuring it out. Maybe if Rise had given up on me I would be more docile and his plan would work. After all, he needs me out of the picture until his fog encompasses the world. But I'm afraid, I can't let that happen."
The fake stood up, "You think this resolve of yours is enough? Taking control of your own dream? But if that is so... how do you hope to wake up?"
Glass shattered, as the one sided window that looked into the interrogation room seemed to explode out. A busted chair skidded to a stop on the side of the room and a shadow-like figured jumped into the room, an individual. The fake glared at the intruder.
"Nice try, but you'll have to do better to keep me away from my Kayane," Rise pointed one of her batons at the fake.
I chuckled and felt relief flood through me at the sight of her. Had I ever been so comforted by just being in the presence of someone? No, never. "Rise, this isn't the source. To be free of this place, we have to go deeper."
"Do you know how to get us there?" she asked.
"Yeah," I nodded and then jumped forward past Rise and at the fake Naoto and grabbed her by the throat. She tried to dodge my grasp but failed.
"You think you can conquer the darkest part of your heart? Be my guest... you'll fail," the fake spat.
"Alone, yeah. But you see I've realized something. I'm never alone," I gave a half grin. "Benzaiten!" My Persona manifested and I used the power to dive and find the source through this fake. "Found it."
Using my Persona I manipulated the area around me... it was my dream after all. I was full... huh?
Everything faded away around Rise and I, as did the fake Naoto. Then something powerful knocked me back and I landed on something. It was soft? But a second later I was hit by something, no it was somebody landing on top of me. She and I both grunted from the impact. It was Rise. I sighed and took a moment to close my eyes.
"Rise," I spoke softly.
"Kayane, you remember now, don't you?" she asked.
I had reconnected with the deepest part of myself, so yes I did remember. "I'm sorry, Rise. All of this is because I've never been able to face my problems. I couldn't accept Miyuki's death. So I made up excuses, blamed myself for them. So much that my own mind didn't know the truth of what had really happened. I didn't witness her death, I was at school that day. Miyuki had wanted it all to happen while I was at school. So I wouldn't have to witness the ugliness of the truth."
"She tried to protect you. You were so young, Kayane. I think its only natural with how you reacted. But that doesn't matter now. Not for us, not for the future. You have to accept the past for what it is," Rise snuggled herself against me. Then she stopped and I felt her sit up and... "Kayane... why are you naked?"
Huh? I opened my eyes and saw myself staring at Rise's own naked body, and became keenly aware of the fact she was straddling me. But then I noticed. something was attached to her. I grabbed her wrist and the cuff attached to it... something went from it and disappeared off the side of the... bed? We were on a bed. And both of us were naked. The two of us quickly separated from each other... or tried, but it seems the two of us were both strapped to this bed. Both my arms and legs were cuffed, and it appeared that I had a vastly limited amount of movement compared to Rise. She could move a bit more but we couldn't really move from each other. "I umm..." I closed my eyes again. "This is probably my fault."
"This room... Kayane is full of posters of just us and... um... What is this place?" Rise didn't seem as concerned about our state of undress but more than that she was probably trying to focus on figuring out our situation.
I opened my eyes again to look around. My face no doubt beat red with embarrassment of the situation. But yeah, she was right... posters, photos, everything that had us, but a lot of these were clearly things we hadn't done... and some of the ones with us together were... provocative. I wouldn't ever be comfortable doing such a thing so why would... Have I thought about this though? This was all related to me. What was it that I most feared above everything?
If I were to give a snap reaction I would probably say losing Rise, but that is likely my second greatest fear. No, number one had to be something more unreasonable.
Rise took a deep breath, "This isn't right. Kayane." She laid down next to me and wrapped her legs around my own. Something clearly getting to her.
"I'm really sorry. What I'm afraid of... is all of this. Synchronicity is us together. But it's so unknown what could happen. I know they'll love you. But what about me? What about the band and our music? What if after everything we've done it comes back around to the same truth. That you'll be objectified and..." I stopped as Rise reached up and then the next moment she was kissing me. Even if this was in my mind there was no mistake Rise. She was careful but passionate and I sense a hunger in her. This place was likely having an adverse affect on her.
She broke the kiss, breathing heavily, "You're also afraid of this, us being physical, intimate. You fear it will change us, that our relationship will become something different. Our future, the very thing you should be eager to experience is what terrifies you the most. I know that. I've always known that. But what can I say or do to make you see that it is worth that risk. And now thanks to this place all I want to do now is run my hands over you, to indulge myself on every inch of your body, because I crave it. I've felt this need for so long. And your fear here is forcing this reaction out of me just to make you afraid, and dammit I'm fighting it with all I can. I will never force you to do what you don't want. And you can tell me no. Please, Kayane, believe me."
I trembled against her as I felt that very fear welling up inside of me, tears escaping my eyes. "I never had a future. At least I never believed I did. I'm scared."
"The future is scary, always has been, always will be. But I will be there for you. No matter what," Rise said resolutely as she wrapped her arms around me and held me tightly.
I had to believe her... I had to get past this... Before it was too late.
HAMUKO'S POINT OF VIEW
"Where the hell are all these Shadows coming from?" I summoned Thor and unleashed a maziodyne attack to push back the encroaching mass of Shadows. It started when Kayane's comatose body had suddenly moved and caught Nyarlathoteps attack and was able to use his Persona. He used Last Symphony on himself and Rise and since then the two of them had been in a dream like state. But something about it had more than angered Nyarlathotep and he attacked with ferocity and rage that he hadn't really shown before. It must be because the key to stopping him was Kayane himself. And Kayane's sudden action probably was something he hadn't expected.
With all of us here, facing Nyarlathotep again seemed like it would be more than doable. But he fell back and instead he continued to summon wave after wave of Shadows to attack us. Perhaps to wear us out. But we had to hold out until Kayane and Rise woke all fought while Kana and Yukiko were ensuring both Kayane and Rise were okay and protected them.
Yukari spun around me and let loose an arrow and in the same motion summoned her Persona and unleashed a torrent of wind before turning her attention and healing me.
"Don't get careless with your skills," She told me.
"Yeah, sorry," I took a deep breath as I saw another set of Shadows rising from the black pools that surrounded us. "But what is with this strength? And these Shadows..."
"It's possible this could be caused by the spread of the Fog around the world," Naoto spoke out as she shot her revolver at an incoming Shadow. A moment later summoning her Persona Yamato Sumeragi and unleashed mamudoon, which instantly defeated more than half of the next wave of Shadows. But those skills were more costly than others, but it was effective in giving us a moment to rest. But it was clear another set of Shadows was already looking to replace the ones defeated.
"This is going to be a battle of attrition. I've been attempting to scan for a means to stem the tide but Yamagishi's communication has been likely blocked by Nyarlathotep," Mitsuru called out as she froze the Shadow in front of her and then with a powerful kick shattered it.
"Heh, I can do this all day," Akihiko Punched and let loose a Ziodyne on another Shadow, destroying it.
"This isn't about whether or not we can hold out, Senpai," Yukari shook her head as she readied another arrow. "If we don't hurry the whole world is going to be covered in fog."
"Do you think that is why the Shadows are increasing? Do you think that mass violence he was talking about has already started?" Yosuke suggested.
"I think it's better to assume that is the case. But still, without a way to attack Nyarlathotep directly we're stuck. Plus he seems adamant on trying to kill Kayane and Rise before they can wake up," Yu called out as he released his own attack with Izanagi-no-Okami and seemingly annihilated the remaining Shadows. More were already bubbling up from the black pools to replace them.
"I see, if we can find a way to attack Nyarlathotep his attention would be more divided. Even if his focus is killing Kayane he'd still have to defend himself. And there has to be a reason he isn't trying to attack directly. He was even using Kayane's weapon to attack Rise before. Seems odd," I say after a moment and took a deep breath.
"If you think that will help, then I'm going to lead the attack," Setsuko approached.
"I'm going with Oneesan," Labrys added.
"Then so will I," Aigis quickly volunteered as well.
I looked back to the unconscious forms of Kayane and Rise. When we had faced Nyarlathotep before he had been so confident, but for some reason he wasn't now. I shook that thought away, "Then the four of us will go. Everyone else will stay here and focus on protecting Kayane and Rise."
"It's the best we can do," Yu nodded. "Be careful."
With the world on the line, there wasn't much need for being careful.
"Oneesama..." Kana stepped in my way. In a lot of ways, my exact twin. A shadow that went to great lengths, at personal cost to herself... to protect me.
"I know, you want to come but you should stay here, and help protect Kayane," I didn't want her on the frontlines of this fight. Not when the situation was so clearly at a disadvantage for us.
She opened her mouth to protest but stopped and looked away from me, "I know it's impossible to try and convince you otherwise. But I won't forgive you if you don't come back, Oneesama."
"Don't worry, we'll make it through this," I smiled, doing my best to not just convince Kana but also myself.
"Yukiko and I will clear a path past the Shadows pools. After that... well I'll leave it to you," Yu said as he met my gaze. I moved past him and stood next to Setsuko and the two mechanical maidens.
"I haven't even known my brother for a full three months yet and here I am trying to save him from a big evil that consequently will save the world in the process. And the most I was worried about before then was cracking my Father's encryption and dodging my own marriage to my ex," Setsuko shook her head.
"But before that you were dealing with the Dark Hour and fighting Shadows on your own, so at least this isn't quite as crazy outlandish as it would be for most," I said with a slight chuckle.
Setsuko nodded, "If not I likely would have been left behind or wouldn't have been privy to the full truth to the situation. I have so much to make up for. He's my younger brother, and I should have been there for him. It hurts, you know."
I nodded in return, "I do. I doubt many others could relate to your situation. My brother died before I could even meet him. And he did so to save the world. It's why we have to succeed. And I know my brother wouldn't want something like this to happen to our cousins."
"What an odd family we have. Both of our parents are dead, we were both torn from our family, an Uncle that used you in unethical experiments, and another Uncle who is in prison for abusing my brother. And have been involved with multiple possible world ending events. And will likely have only more to face in the future," Setsuko chuckled a bit and bent down and seemed to adjust something on her robotic leg.
"No matter what they got, we're gonna smash 'em down," Labrys and her distinct accent was on the other side of Setsuko. "I owe him one for hurting Oniisan."
"Our goal is to pull his attention away from Ikakure-san, even if it is only a moment. I have plenty of ammunition and am capable of activating Orgia mode," Aigis stated as she moved next to me.
"Then our plan is to engage him and then when Aigis activates Orgia mode, we'll try to overwhelm him. Even if it's only temporary, that should force Nyarlathotep to focus his attention squarely on us four. Hopefully that will be enough. Aigis, you focus on being at range, the three of us will have to stay coordinated and swap appropriately to ensure our attacks are unrelenting," I laid out a quick synopsis of my thoughts on the attack.
"Agreed. I'll lead the charge in. I can put him under pressure faster and give you and Labrys a chance to position yourself in the meantime," Setsuko added.
I took a deep breath, "Narukami, we're ready."
After saying this, both Yu and Yukiko rushed out in front of us. With an elegant spin, Yukiko cut through the manifested tarot card summoning her Persona, blanketing the emerging Shadows with petals that then quickly became like an enraging inferno. Yu stopped as he summoned Izanagi-no-Okami and let loose a massive wave of lightning energy and let it move out in a straight line.
The four of us didn't waste any time and rushed forward into the now cleared path. No time to look back or even a word of goodbye. Too much time had been lost already.
We kept moving as the environment around us seemed to shift, expanding out and change. It was like a massive stage and standing in the center of it was Nyarlathotep, still donning the appearance of Kayane, dressed in a formal tux, like that of a concert composer, about to lead an orchestra. Setsuko sped up, easily putting distance between us to get to the pretender. I could only marvel at her show of physical prowess. Maybe this was just the power of someone who spent years fighting alone against the Shadows.
She jumped into the air with a spin that quickly whipped around into a front flip that brought her mechanical leg down towards Nyarlathotep's head. He looked to meet the blow and block it with his hand but Setsuko had also summoned her Persona. Kishimojin appeared and hit Nyarlathotep hard in his midsection, forcing him to abandon protecting his head. Setsuko's mechanical leg connected with an explosive amount of force, forcing him to collapse to the ground. But her attack did not relent. Landing on her feet she solidified her stance in an instance and kicked his head upwards, followed up with multiple punches to his gut and another powerful front kick.
It was this moment where Labrys came crashing down with her axe. Connecting with his shoulder, but instead of tearing into him, his clothes ripped and instead of blood, was black Shadow like substance that sprayed out. Summoning Ariadne, red like chains and spikes hit Nyarlathotep from multiple sides and made his momentum carry him further away.
I was still on the move and had moved past them, sliding to a stop I readied my feet as Nyarlathotep was stumbling towards me. I summoned Seigfried and unleashed a God's Hand attack, slamming him hard into the ground. Then dragging the blade of my naganita along the ground I slashed upwards to knock him back to his feet, then followed up with multiple slashes and attacks with my weapon, spinning and using as much force as I could with each strike. My last hit knocked him away but Setsuko was there, slamming a kick into his gut and then summoning Kishimojin again and sending him spiraling into the air with a powerful physical attack that I could only presume was primal force.
The three of us, clear of Nyarlathotep, were when Aigis unleashed the full use of her arsenal. Two miniguns fire3d and missiles fired from her back as an unrelenting continual pounding occurred, and the constant barrage blocked our view. Aigis finished her attack by summoning Athena and pounding the area again. We couldn't relent. Setsuko was already charging back in to continue our assault. Labrys was ready to move, and I switched to the persona, Cybele to attack.
Setsuko didn't make it. A force pushed out and halted all of our actions, putting us in a scramble to recover.
"Pointless," A voice seemed to surround us. Wind rushed past me as I looked that Nyarlathotep had discarded the form of Kayane. His new form lifted into the air by his dark wings, which underside looked to be crimson. The rest of his body was black and shimmered in the light around us. His hands and feet were claws, similar to that of a crab but longer and looked sharper. His face was blank except for three bulbous like eyes. Or perhaps they weren't at all. Upon his head was a golden crown. "How little you realize that such resistance, such struggles to continue your pitiful lives is meaningless. You believe there is a reason to fight? For what? There is no point in living. You gain but moments of peace only to repeat your kinds same mistakes. No matter how much time has passed and your belief in the good or potential in human kind, it is a mistake. Defy me as you will, it won't matter. Where there is darkness, there are shadows. I, myself, am all of you humans!"
When we had faced him before, he had never shown this form. No this had to be the closest we've witnessed him as his true form. If he even had one.
I summoned Cybele and unleashed a charged Garudyne at it. He didn't even react to it.
"Allow me to show you actual power," His voice shook me to the core as I felt an icy like darkness seem to surround me. But not just me, all four of us were unable to move. "This is the power of a Faceless God. Crawling Chaos!"
A light appeared above Nyarlathotep with an amber like glow, and then it changed, shaping like that of an eye. Like the eyes of a predator cat, the slits of the eyes narrowed as if looking into the very depths of me. Then it seemed to swallow up all the light around us, turning the world around us into complete darkness. Then it happened in an instant. As if thousands of swords pierced into my body. The pain overwhelmed me. I screamed and collapsed to the ground. The light returned, but none of us was standing. I could feel it... blood coming out of what had to be hundreds of open wounds on my body. My consciousness was slipping.
So... when we had defeated him before he had been only a fraction of his strength? Pathetic... after all my brother had sacrificed... this was how my life would end? I tried to keep my eyes open, tried to speak... but the only sounds that came from me was gasping to take another breath of air.
A/N:
When I started writing Last Symphony, I planned for it to end at the end of the base game. The inclusion of the side games though just felt natural to do. That came mostly from the background of Kayane's parents. A lot of my thoughts on why has a lot to do with the idea of everything being connected. While Atlus and everything has stated that the Persona games happen in the same universe, with references as to what other characters from previous games are doing for those that realize the connection. It always felt more like nods than attempts for actual world building in the series. For example, in Persona 3 if you check the TV, you can learn about the fates of Persona 1 and 2 characters... sort of. At the same time the English Translation made a direct reference with them changing the Online game that can be played to Eternal Punishment Online. Which seemed like an odd choice. After all the world of Persona 3 happens in the same continuation of Eternal Punishment.
The Original 3 Persona games, Persona 1, Persona 2 Innocent Sin and Persona 2 Eternal Punishment are in a lot of ways, starkly different than how the latest 3 in the series have gone. Also the original 3 games had no problems throwing in characters from the previous entry. Even coming in to the party as guest members on a few occasions. So even as much as I enjoy Persona 3, 4 and 5, it just seems weird how they arbitrarily keep each one separated.
I think it makes sense for 3 and 4 at least. Persona 3 had a significant backstory for its setup and reason for the conflict. And a loose connection to the previous games of the Kirijo Group being something that split from the Nanjo Group. 4 was isolated in a small town, and it made sense that other characters might not take too much interest or concern about the events in Inaba. At least until the Arena games which connected 3 and 4. That is when the creation of the Shadow Operations is brought in. So, I guess my real question is where are they in Persona 5 if it is the same universe?
Well, honestly, all of this kind of things that bothered me is what made me start writing fanfiction in the first place. I wrote the Persona 3 one because they made the protagonist a central piece to the events of the plot but never really explain several questions related to it. Like, why was he on the moonlight bridge when the incident at Kirijo Group resulted in the escape of the Nyx Avatar. How was Aigis even capable of sealing a Shadow inside of someone? How come his family shuffled him around and didn't seem to want to keep him around? If he was subconsciously brought back to Tatsumi Port Island, why did he go along with it? There are so many questions there that even I didn't address in my Momento Umbrae story that even now it bothers me.
Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox for now. And we are close to the end, everyone! How close? How about only 3 chapters left, close. After so long, this journey is coming to a close. I'm looking forward to getting there. And hope you are to.
