I am unsure if anyone is even reading this fic but hey ho, I wanna write it so I'll post anyway. Title of the chapter is taken from the song Who's Got a Match by Biff Clyro. It had literally nothing to do with this chapter, I was just listening to the song lols x
Disclaimer: I am unfortunately not the multi-millionaire of JK Rowling and so do not own anything.
It was nearing midnight in the Gryffindor common room and Sirius was drunk. Like can't-feel-your-face-might-fall-over-while-peeing type drunk. It was not just Sirius, of course. It seemed as if the entire House had been celebrating since dinner, with many of the older students drinking because Gryffindor had defeated Slytherin in a mighty game of Quidditch. The weather had howled and nipped and bit at the team's exposed skin and interfered harshly with the match. But Gryffindor had been triumphant, and of course James, being the team captain, was being just a completely unbearable arrogant knobhead. So much so that Lily had favoured Sirius's company over that of her boyfriend's.
Sirius was busy teaching first and second years how perform an unremovable sticking charm. He wasn't entirely sure why, but at some point, one of them must have asked and he always believed the corruption of younger years would better society greatly. It was a testament to how much firewhiskey Lily had drank that she merely sat and corrected Sirius when his wandwork seemed messy rather than her usual tutting at his disruptive behaviour. When this occurred, Sirius flashed her a grin and she laughed so hard she snorted and fell off the arm of the chair she was perched on.
As the hour got later and the younger years had retired to their beds, it meant Sirius had no one left to corrupt and so he set his mind on something much more fun: Moony. The longing in his head had been niggling there through most of the night, having only seen Remus briefly after the match before he was swept off in a crowd of fans. He spotted his friend sitting on the sofa in front of the fireplace laughing merrily with Lily, the light of the dying fire flickering over their faces. Sirius grinned because his… whatever he was, was so fucking hot and Sirius wondered how he had gone so many years not seeing just how fantastically sexy Remus was.
He plonked down on Remus's knee, stepping on a passed out Peter's hand on the way and knocking Lily's drink down her front with his ankle as the alcohol made him lose his balance and slip straight back onto the floor. Lily spluttered indignantly while Remus laughed and reached down to grab Sirius's hands and pull him up off the floor. Sirius's judgements completely blurred by alcohol, he sat back down on Remus's knee, throwing his arms round the latter's shoulders, and nuzzling into his neck. It was perhaps lucky that everyone else was just as blurrily drunk from firewhiskey as Sirius was that this was able to go unnoticed. But Sirius could not bring himself to care as the room around him spun. Everything on the edge of his mind went fuzzy and blank. All that mattered was Remus and his warmth and his strength and his fantastic scent of crisp cinnamon and vague ginger and right then a faint whiff of drink.
'Moooooonyyy,' Sirius whined in Remus's ear.
'Yes Padfoot?' Remus whispered. Sirius was this time so thankful that Remus always had it together, never seeming to blur words or have his own fuzzy mind when drinking. His hand rubbing vertical lines up and down Sirius's back was so soothing and wonderful and perfect that Sirius felt very un-dogly and wanted to purr.
'You so sexy.'
The rumble of Remus's chuckle was so soft and happy in Sirius's head and he just wanted to lie there forever and ever. But suddenly a drunken James jumped on the two of them, breaking them apart and replaced Sirius by lying sprawled on his stomach over Remus's lap. Sirius was once again on the floor beside Peter and Lily was once again in hysterical laughter on the armchair beside him.
'Prongs that was mean!' Sirius yelped, rubbing the back of his head on the spot that had collided with the table.
'I was jealous, you always get hugs from Moony and I never get any,' James moaned, grabbing Remus's hand and setting it to rub circles through his untidy hair. Sirius glared at him for a moment and huffed. He had the sudden urge to knock Lily's drink over her again as she snorted with enjoyment some more.
He moved onto the other armchair, his face in a strong huff and grabbed an abandoned drink that had been sitting on the table. He caught Remus's eye and he winked at him and suddenly Sirius's insides melted. But then he caught sight of Remus continuing to run his fingers through James's hair and Sirius was struck by a feeling of complete unfairness. Because why was Remus allowed to do that to James in a totally platonic way, but he wasn't allowed to do it to Sirius even though nobody knew about them. It didn't have to look any other way other than friendly. And why was Remus looking so comfortable and happy with his fingers tangled in James's hair. Did he fancy James? Were whatever Remus and he were just a ploy to get through Sirius to James?
Before he knew what had happened, he had a lapful of Marlene McKinnon and she was placing kisses all over his face. He supposed it wasn't that strange behaviour considering this was how he often ended up at the end of a party in the common room. He was going to protest, and he was slightly turned by her infinitely girly scent and sound and feel. And he longed for Remus's angular body and bony elbows. But then a surge of anger swept through him fuelled by the firewhiskey and the absolute injustice of Remus stroking James's hair instead of his own, and how he couldn't whisk Remus up into his lap for a kiss. And Marlene was looking at him expectantly and if he didn't kiss her it would look odd, even though her lips were all sticky with a bright red lipstick he knew was now littered over his face.
His eyes flicked over Marlene's shoulder and saw Remus staring straight ahead, not even looking at him, his hands relentlessly playing with James's hair. And so he shrugged and gave into Marlene's advances.
Remus was not sure when everything had turned to complete and utter shit. Sometime around when James became clingy and Sirius decided to sit and snog Marlene bloody McKinnon. To make matters worse, it then had to be Remus himself helping Sirius up into bed. And Sirius had clung to him as he wobbled and swayed about on the stairs up to their dormitory. And as Remus shoved Sirius down onto bed, Sirius had caught the front of his top and crashed his lips down onto his own. And Remus was disgusted because he could taste her and could feel the lipstick being transferred onto his own face. And he had pulled away, and Sirius hadn't even known what he had done wrong and had fallen asleep seconds after Remus furiously backed away from him. James and Lily came crashing into the dorm an instant later, as always laughing hysterically and fell into James's bed, thankfully drifting off to sleep within moments.
And so, hours later, Remus had woken after a restless sleep to a nearly quiet dorm. Sirius's snores filled the air along with the slow soft breathing of James and Lily. Peter's bed was cold and empty, Remus having decided it would be best to leave him passed out in the common room rather than struggle up the stairs with his friend's deadweight in his arms.
Remus was fuming. How absolutely dare Sirius kiss Marlene, or even entertain her whisperings in his ear while she sat in his lap of all places. He was not sure why Sirius had done that. Were they not together? Or was it all in Remus's head and Sirius did not actually like him in any way. Was Remus just a shag? But then, how could he be when they weren't even shagging?
Remus turned over onto his side, punching his pillow to move it into a more comfortable position as he did so. He glared in the direction of Sirius's bed, completely confused and bewildered about his feelings towards the other boy. He definitely felt something when he and Sirius were together, and it was much more than just the physical reaction he had to Sirius's touch and kisses. It came from somewhere deep inside of him; a fierce glow of a fire that spread further through him the closer Sirius was to him. It burned strongest when Sirius had his head thrown back in laughter, or when he was flashing a mischievous grim in Remus's direction, or indeed in quiet moments alone where they simply lay wrapped in each other's arms.
Then Remus's fury turned slowly into sadness, into longing and something akin to heart break because he was completely and utterly besotted with Sirius. He was obsessed with how the boy made him feel when they were together and the despair of the emptiness that engulfed him any time they spent time apart. Yet Remus could not get the blistering image of Marlene's face all over Sirius's from the night before out of his mind, and he could not help the mixed emotions he was feeling. If Sirius felt the same as Remus, then why would he even think about snogging someone else. Remus would never dream of hurting Sirius, of making him feel unwanted or unloved. Sirius was so important to him, and even if they did not have title, Remus knew it was already deeper than he had ever anticipated.
'S'up Moony,' Sirius stared through sleepy eyelids over at Remus's bed where Remus lay facing him. Remus was so engulfed in his thoughts and his confusion that he had not noticed Sirius's snores had ceased. Remus blinked then quickly turned his back on Sirius.
'Is something the matter?' Remus could hear the frown in Sirius's voice even though he could not see his face.
'Leave me alone Sirius,' he retorted.
'Sirius? What have I done now for you to go all Sirius on me?'
Again, although Remus could not see Sirius, he could sense the half grin he would have slopped on his face at the overused joke. Remus did not answer and so they lay in a stony silence for a few moments. Remus had thought that Sirius would have gone back to sleep, clearly being completely oblivious to what had happened the previous night. The next second, however, Remus heard the creak of Sirius's bed as his weight shifted off it and, to Remus's complete shock and dismay, he felt his own bed sinking under Sirius's form as he sat down beside Remus.
'Moony?' Sirius's voice was soft, almost like how it was after the night of a full moon. His fingers started playing with the neck of Remus's pyjama top despite his back still being turned.
Remus shrugged off Sirius's touch. 'Bugger off Sirius. I don't want you near me.'
Remus was so fucking angry. So angry that he could feel his face hot and a kind of enraged fuel inside of him. Sirius removed his hand from Remus's collar, but he remained on the bed.
'Did I do something?' he asked tentatively.
Remus was so bloody furious by this stage, and the inane questions of Sirius's was enough to throw him over the edge. With lightning speed, Remus sat and turned his body to face Sirius's. He threw off his covers as he went, and despite it not being near a full moon, he could almost feel the wolf inside of him rearing its head. From the look of Sirius's face, Remus was aware just how angry his face looked.
'Did you do something Sirius?' Remus hissed. 'Let's just see, maybe snogging Marlene McKinnon for no good reason whatsoever right in bloody front of me might have something to do with it!'
'I-I,' Sirius's stuttered and his mouth opened and closed. His face looked shocked and shaken.
'You what?' spat Remus, his eyes narrowing and his face inching closer to Sirius's in an intimidating way. When Sirius remained mute Remus pressed again, 'Well spit it out! I'm not feeling particularly fucking patient right now.'
'I don't know,' Sirius swallowed hard and looked away from Remus's gaze.
'You don't know,' the only thing stopping Remus's voice reaching an absolutely shrill level was the still snoozing forms of James and Lily in the bed on the other side of the dorm.
'For fuck sake Remus,' Sirius burst, running his hands through his hair in frustration. 'I'm so fucking obsessed with you and sometimes I don't even know if it's real whatever… whatever this between us is. And you were running your hands through Prongs's hair and you didn't even want to do that to me and it is so completely fucking unfair that you can sit and do that to him while I'm left just, I dunno, just here.'
Remus felt his eyebrows raise. He was not sure what he had been expecting, but not been expecting that. Whatever that was.
'So you – do you want us to be something?' Remus asked quietly, his previous anger seeming to wane.
'Well I guess,' Sirius shrugged. He shifted so he was facing Remus; Sirius grabbed his hands and finally raised his face back up to Remus's again so that their eyes met. He cleared his throat uncomfortably. 'Look, I can't explain what it is I feel when I'm with you, but I'm happy. And I think you are too? I just don't like having to hide that we are happy together because who the fuck should care? I'm still Sirius and you're still Remus. But now we're just… us.'
'I am happy with you Sirius, and I wish I could show it off to everyone we possibly can but we can't just do that,' Remus said, grabbing Sirius's hand tightly.
'But why!' Sirius huffed out frustratedly. 'Prongs and Evans snog and shag at every chance they get – and even Peter is allowed to hold hands with that Ravenclaw Perkins –'
'Parker –'
'Girl and we are actually so authentically us, maybe even more so now than when we were apart, and we can't even show it off,' Sirius's eyes were so full of longing that it made Remus's heart hurt.
'Look,' Remus sighed, 'it's not easy but it's just how it has to be. And all this doesn't explain Marlene.'
'I am so sorry about Marlene,' Sirius implored, his eyes searching Remus's begging him to understand, 'I was just so bloody annoyed at how you were so casually running your hands through Prongs's hair when you can't with mine – and he doesn't even have nice hair! I don't know Moony, I feel so horrible and it wasn't enjoyable but I wish more than ever I just didn't do it. but then I also thought if I didn't it would be weird and I was drunk, and it's not an excuse and I can't even particularly remember –'
Remus put a finger over Sirius's lips to stop him rambling any further. 'Well I'm not saying I'm completely okay with it, but I can understand – and I think it's hilarious you would ever think I'd prefer to play with Prongs's hair rather than yours. But Padfoot, you can't just always act on impulse, especially if we're going to make this thing between us proper.' Remus's anger had now completely dissipated from before as he saw how sorry Sirius was looking, but his eyes could not help lingering over the faded red lipstick mark on Sirius's cheek.
'I know, I know,' Sirius dipped his head and kissed Remus's fingers. 'I promise I will never go kissing Marlene McKinnon or any girl ever because my boyfriend is the only boy I want to be snogging ever.'
Remus grinned at the word boyfriend. It sounded so new and grown up and different in his head, but it was good and happy. The next thing he knew, Sirius had swept him onto his back, his mouth all over Remus's. Remus responded enthusiastically, his hands running all over Sirius's back and they were kissing like they'd never kissed before. Sirius was straddling Remus's thighs, leaning back on his heels and tugging at the bottom of Remus's top to signal the need for it to come off right fucking now. Remus started to oblige –
'Oh.'
Both Remus and Sirius froze, their eyes widening as they stared at each other. They turned their heads slowly, their eyes coming to land on the form of Lily standing next to their bed. Remus silently cursed himself for not even thinking to close the curtains around his bed before Sirius had jumped him. He was grateful that James was such a deep sleeper, his deep breathing now the only sound filling the room.
'I just – water a-and bathroom –' Lily stuttered excuses but seemed unable to take her eyes away from where Sirius and Remus were still frozen on the bed. Remus was also painfully aware of Sirius's hard on still pressing against his thigh.
'Please don't tell anyone,' Sirius's voice was a pitch higher than usual.
To all of their astonishment, a grin spread over Lily's face and she let out a loud laugh. 'You know Black, somehow having the offer of a big fat gay secret to hold over your head is just too good to resist.'
