"You can wash off in the bathroom," Jo mutters, she's sitting on the bed taking off her heels not bothering to look up at him as she speaks. Alex can barely muster a weak nod as he leans against the door frozen. He shouldn't be here, he has very low impulse control when it comes to Jo, this weekend had proven that. Six years on and his eyes still followed her around the room like she was the only person in it, the sight of her smile still made his heart race even if he wasn't the one making her smile anymore.

The plan had been to keep his distance, just make it through the weekend and carry on as if he'd had never seen her, knowing that as much as he wanted to talk to her, he'd probably only hurt her. He'd sworn he'd never hurt her, a promise he'd broken enough for one lifetime.

He honestly was gonna keep his distance, really he was but there had been something about the way that guy had followed Jo out of the bar that made him uneasy, he'd tried to play it off as normal jealousy. Seeing any man with his hands on Jo made his blood boil, but he couldn't sit still, there was something about that douchebag that Alex couldn't let go, the longer he sat in the hotel bar the more the sinking feeling in his stomach grew.


When Alex exits the bathroom a while later, she's standing at the minibar pouring straight vodka into a glass.

"You good?" She mumbles hearing the bathroom door open.

"Yeah, I'm good." Alex nods wringing his hands awkwardly in the bathroom doorway. He's not good, he would bet money she isn't either as he watches her throw her head back downing the glass in one go. Her hands are still shaking as she places the glass down and begins to refill it.

Shit, he immediately feels guilty knowing the memories that must be flashing through Jo's mind and he has to fight the instinctual urge to hold her as he watches her hands trembling trying to open another mini bottle. It wasn't his place anymore.

"Jo are you okay? Do you need me to call someone."

"No..." Jo chokes out a laugh, her backs to Alex, she can't bring herself to face him. "No, I don't need you to call someone." She spits flopping down on the bed.

"I'm sorry," Alex whispers still awkwardly standing in the bathroom doorway rocking back and forth on his feet.

Jo sniffles looking up at the ceiling as she nods trying to hold back tears, she wonders what he's apologising for, for what that douchebag out there had done or for what he had done, she guesses he could be apologising for both. Alex was good at being sorry.

When it rains it really does fucking poor.

"Sure you are."

"Jo"

"What are you doing here Alex?" She cuts him off leaning up on her elbows to face him. "Did you know I'd be here?"

"No, I..." Alex forehead wrinkles as he takes a step closer "I had no clue."

"Really?" She raises her eyebrows taking a large swig of the vodka, wincing at the taste.

"I swear I had no idea you'd be here..." He sounds more confident now, like before he was testing the waters wondering how he should approach her. "It is good to see you though."

Jo lets out a peal of laughter, as she throws her head back to face the ceiling, it hurts to look at him, the longer she looks at him the more memories come flashing back, each one hurting more, the broken promises he'd made playing out in her head like an awful romcom. "Is it? Is it good to see me? I wish I could say the same."

They sit in silence for a moment, Alex isn't sure what to say instead he heads towards the mini bar, the truth is there's nothing he can say right now to make anything better.

"Where's Izzie?" His head whips around to face Jo at the sound of Izzie's name, surprised she'd be so forward but Jo never really sugarcoated anything.

"I don't wanna talk about Izzie," Alex mumbles into his glass as he swishes the whisky he's poured around his glass before tipping his head back and letting the fiery liquid drip down his throat.

"Oh boo…" Jo pouts her voice dripping with sarcasm. "What do you wanna talk about?"

He waits a beat, contemplating what to say, the truth is he wanted to know how she was, he wanted to know that he hadn't broken her, he'd asked Meredith countless of times of course but she'd never say, she'd always tell Alex to call Jo himself if he wanted to know. "You...how are you?"

"Me?" Jo frowns sitting up to face him on the bed. "Oh, I'm good. I was just almost raped and now I'm here with my ex-husband so you know living the dream." She grins her eyes narrowing as she lifts her glass up to her lips emptying it in one go.

"I don't know to say," Alex mutters as Jo stands holding her glass out to him and nodding towards the half-open whisky bottle in his hand.

"Where is Izzie Alex?" Jo asks again, cocking her head to the side as she studies him curiously, a few more lines around his eyes and his beard is greyer than before but still her Alex. Well not her Alex but still the same Alex.

Alex sighs, pouring a second glass for himself. "At home in Kansas."

Jo winches at the word home, it's involuntary she couldn't help it but he saw it, he saw her face twist up and pain flash through her eyes and it makes his stomach turn. "We're separated." He admits, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Shame." Jo doesn't react which makes Alex wonder if she already knew that or if she no longer cared. "So that's why you've been wandering around with that adolescent blonde this weekend."

So she does still care.

"Who Jenifer? She works at the same hospital…nothings going on between us." The overwhelming need to explain himself takes over, how could he explain how he'd told her he was leaving her to make his family work and now he was here sleeping around with a resident, pulling the same shit he was back when they first met.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, I don't care anymore." Jo cuts him off, taking another big gulp of the whisky.

Alex watches her closely, her eyes a bleary from the alcohol or the crying he doesn't know which but he knows his presence isn't helping her. What the hell is he doing here? "I should go." He mutters, brushing past her quickly as he heads towards the door.

"Why still can't face me, Alex?" Her voice is cold and it makes him freeze with his hand on the doorknob, he can feel his heart racing as he turns back towards her, she's tied the broken strap of her dress up but it's still falling off her shoulder and she has let her hair loose, her natural waves flowing down her shoulders covering the nasty bruise the douche bag left on her neck, she looks a mess but still as beautiful as she always had been, like nothing had changed except everything had changed, there was sadness in her eyes that hadn't been there before, even after all the crap Jo had been through in her life she'd always managed to turn it into light but now it was like she was plagued with darkness. Was it him? Was that the scar he'd left behind?

"No...I wanna talk Jo. Really I do but I don't think this is a good idea…" Not like this, not while your drunk and hurting he thinks.

Jo takes a deep sigh, as she stares at Alex's hand on the doorknob, she's not ready for him to leave, it sounds silly, especially when you consider what he did to her but when he's here she knows she is safe, nothing bad can happen if Alex is here with her, he can't leave and yet she can't bring herself to beg him to stay. "I'm sorry...it's been a long day I don't actually wanna fight with you."

Alex nods in agreement, there's probably a lot to say between the two of them but now isn't the right time. "I don't wanna fight Jo...I know you hate me but I…-"

"I don't hate you, Alex." She cuts him off taking a step closer to him, her eyebrows wrinkling at the thought. Hate him? He couldn't honestly believe that she hates him. Doesn't he know that she had loved him so damn much it would be impossible to ever hate him? trust me she had tried, she had never been able to hate him because she'd always understood why he left. "I could never hate you, Alex." She whispers, her eyes softening as he releases his grip on the door.

"Thank you for saving me." She sighs running a hand through her messy hair, flipping it over to one side as she takes a seat on the edge of the bed.

Alex shakes his head, moving a little closer as he shoves his hand in his pockets, the thanks was unnecessary, nothing he'd done tonight was close to making amends for what he'd done to her, he wasn't lying in his letter when he'd said it was the worst thing he'd ever done. "You've already thanked me."

"Well, I'm doing it again…" Jo grumbles, leaning towards the bar and pouring them both another drink. "Just be polite and accept it." She snaps, holding a glass out towards him.


"And then you slept with glasses…" Alex laughs, they're sitting on the floor leaning against the bed, hie tie and shoes disregarded beside him as he watches her throw her head back laughing at the memory.

"Don't remind me." She winces, swigging back the beer they'd ordered on room service. "He was actually my roommate for while after…" Her voice falls flat, the smile quickly fading as her eyes meet his and he knows exactly how that sentence ends. After you left...ah yes now she remembers why it hurts so much to look at him, while he was off playing happy families she was back to square one with a resident roommate wondering how she was ever gonna face the world again.

The pain feels overwhelming, searing across her body and she wanted it to stop but it only seemed to intensify with his gaze still burning onto her body. She feels hot tears begin to well up in her eyes, flinching as one escapes free-flowing down her cheek.

He surprises himself, when his hand reaches out on instinct, cupping her face, softly wiping away the loan tear, before brushing a stray hair behind her ear. He just wants the pain to go away, he can't stand looking in her eyes and seeing that pain but he also can't look away.

It happens quickly before either one of them knows it they're inches apart his hand still holding her face. His lips seem to barley brush over hers, so light you could almost miss it except the small contact had sent shivers down her spine. He pulls back his eyes flicking up from her lips to her eyes, like he's waiting for her the explode, waiting for the wrecking ball to hit. He rubs his thumb across her jawline and she realises he's waiting for permission.

Which she seems to give eagerly, it might be the alcohol flowing through her veins but the second time their lips meet it awakens something in Jo. She grabs his face, pulling him impossibly closer. Alex groans at the contact pushing back hungrily, his hands lowering to her hips, lifting her up into his lap, wrapping one hand in her hair.

Jo shivers in his lap, grinding against him. They're running out of air yet neither one seems to be able to pull back desperately clawing at each other, needing to taste more of each other.

When the need for oxygen becomes too much Alex pulls back, immediately turning his attention to the spot below Jo's ear that he knows makes her moan the way he likes it, his hands move up her waist like muscle memory knowing exactly where to go. It's the feeling of cool metal against his neck that breaks his trance, her wedding ring. The shiny bright diamond was digging into his flesh like a burning reminder she was no longer his.

"Stop…" Alex tries to mumble in between kisses as Jo holds his face in her hands turning her attention back to his lips. "Jo stop...I'm not sleeping with you." He pulls back, trying to catch his breath as his eyes scan over her, she's panting hard, the straps of her dress falling dangerously low.

"What?" She exclaims fear flashing through her eyes. "Why not?"

"Because you're drunk."

Jo rolls her eyes, now was not the time to play the gentleman, ignoring his complaints she turns her attention the space between his neck and shoulder placing a light kiss there before sucking gently. "Jo stop." Alex groans, his eyes rolling back in his head, god everything in his body was screaming to give her what she wants.

"Come on Alex." She presses kisses up his neck, bitting on his earlobe. "You still want me right or were blondes your type all along." She breathed, arching her back, pressing her chest against his.

"Jo come one you don't want this…" Alex protests but his hand's aren't putting much up of a fight as they wrap around her waist, pulling her in closer.

"No I do, come on Alex I want this...I want you. Stop overthinking it." She pulls back from her assault on his neck, pulling his face down to look at her, making sure he looks her in the eyes, he needs to see she wants this.

"You're drunk.."

"So are you"

"Not as much as you are."

Just like that, her lips are back on his. The stubble on his beard scratching against her soft cheeks as she held his head firmly.

"Mhmm but you're married…" Alex mumbles against her lips, there's a lot of things he can overlook, hell he's been a cheater before but Jo she's not a cheater, this isn't her.

"What?" She pulls back shocked, her lips swollen and bruised."Who told you that?" She exclaims.

"No one but the ring on your finger did," Alex explains taking holding hold of her left hand, holding it up in between them, his thumb brushing across the diamond set. "Jo I'm not sleeping with you."

"I'm not a married, you idiot…" She spits out her voice tuning cold, hating the shameful look in Alex's eyes, was he disappointed in her?

"But the ring…" Alex stutters, his eyebrows raised.

"I'm widowed okay." She snaps, tears brimming her eyes again, as she leans her head against his. She takes a deep breath, jumping when she feels him drop her hand, encircling her waist again. She waits a beat before raising her eyes to meet his again, she can't work out what he's thinking and frankly, she's not sure she wants to know, she's sure it's the same reaction everyone always gives, the one she used to give Meredith. Poor sad widow.

"Jo we should stop," Alex mutters, shifting on the floor, he gestures between them, lifting her up and moving her so she's settled on the floor beside him. "I can't do it...not like this Jo." His mind is reeling it's all too much seeing her, saving her, finding out she's a fucking widow for god sake. He'd left her and she found someone else and he died, what the fuck. He stands up, using the bed as support, feeling her eyes on him as he moves, she looks so hurt, so rejected and he instantly feels sick rising in his stomach.

"Don't look at me like that...this has nothing to do with not wanting you Jo...christ I want you..it's just not a good idea." Alex sighs running his hand through his hair, taking a step back, the closer he is to her the harder it is to focus.

"Get out," Jo mumbles looking down at floor he catches sight of one her tears hitting the carpet.

"Jo."

"Get out Alex." She raises her voice gesturing towards the door as a sob escapes her throat. "Leave. Now."

And he does.


It's a while later when the alcohol begins to wear off that Jo begins to fully feel how fucking mortifying the whole night had been. She's starfished in the bed staring up at the ceiling trying to remember with some clarity the events of the evening and wincing at each one. Her head is banging and the constant buzzing sound on the dresser is not helping. Groaning she gets up to tell whoever is continuously calling to fuck off when she notices it's not her phone on the dresser.

Getting up to inspect it she realises it must be Alex's. Staring down at the lock screen she sees three smiling faces, that she knows must be his twins and a small smile graces her face, Alex is in the photo with them, they're all covered in paint pulling funny faces as they look into the camera. They look so bloody happy.

A notification pops through on this phone and the smile drops from Jo's face.

Izzie: Hey sorry we missed your call earlier, took the kids to the movies. They tried face timing you on the IPad but they must've missed you. Text me a good time for them to try again tomorrow, they really miss you. Iz

Jo immediately feels guilty, dropping the phone back down like it had burnt her.

Had she not seen the message she probably of thrown his phone from the window or something, serve him right for messing around with her, only to then reject her but his kids were trying to get through to him and she wasn't heartless.


Alex is awoken by a loud banging on his door. Rolling over he reaches out for his phone but it's not on the bedside table. He rubs his eyes as he tries to make out the time on his watch, his eyes hazy as they try to refocus.

2 AM. Who in the hell? The banging gets louder and more persistent until Alex is dragging himself to the door in a huff swinging it open he comes face to face with Jo.

"You left your phone, considered flushing it down the toilet but you have a missed call from your kids." She explains, shoving the phone towards his chest as she looks down the hallway to see if anyone else is around at this early hour.

"How did you know what room was mine?" Alex questions, rubbing his eyes adjusting to the hallways bright lights.

"I've woken up a lot of angry doctors." Jo shrugs simply. "One thought I was prostitute actually offered me $600."

"Oh, nice," Alex mumbles still half asleep and utterly confused.

"Can't blame him for thinking it, I have been throwing myself at men tonight." She bites her lip, looking sheepish. "Sorry about that by the way."

Alex sighs, remembering the way her lips and felt against his, honestly, someone was testing him tonight. "You know it killed me to turn you down it's got nothing to do with you, Jo."

Jo rolls her eyes crossing her arms over her chest as she gives him a pointed look. "I mean it has everything to do with you but I don't wanna hurt you… any more than I already have that is." He explains rubbing the back of his neck.

"Yeah yeah, you're all noble blah blah blah...you suck."

"What can I say I'm a regular knight in shining armour." Alex jokes leaning against the doorframe.

Jo gives him a half-hearted smile as he throws her that cocky boy wink, the same one he'd always do in the O.R when he was and I quote so turned on by her medical genius. "I wouldn't go that far."

She sighs, awkwardly knowing she should probably make her exit but still feeling the excruciating embarrassment of being rejected by a man that had already left her. "I was being stupid earlier...I just needed some stress relief and I…"

"You're not stupid Jo." Alex interrupts, shaking his head at her words. "I'm serious, you're so beautiful you know...I didn't tell you that enough back then."

Jo nods slowly, giving him a watery smile. God, what she wouldn't give to go back in time for just a minute. "I should go." She mutters gesturing back towards the lifts, spinning on her heel to leave.

To Jo's surprise, she feels his hand reach out spinning her back around before she can even ask whats he doing Alex has her pressed up against the wall, his hand tangled in her hair as his lips press against hers, his tongue instantly licking across her lower lip begging for entrance.

"What are you…" Jo breathes against his lips.

"Are you complaining?" Alex cocks his head to the side, any and all restraint he had was gone the minute he watched her walking away from him. There was only so much the man could take. I told you he has a low impulse control when it comes to Jo.

"God no." Jo grins leaning in placing a searing kiss across Alex's lips. Squealing as his hands wrap around her bottom lifting her up into the air, her legs wrapping around him instinctively. "Glad you've come around."

"Well, you're a hard woman to resist." Alex laughs, kicking the door shut behind them.


Chapter 3. Sorry it's taken so long I've had a busy few weeks but I'll never leave a faction unfished so if you hang in there I'm always coming back to it.

As always thank you so much for the reviews they mean the world to me.

Check out my tumblr oddbirdsandbooksellers for more Jolex fluff, prompts and my everyday ranting that we were robbed of Jolex babies.

All These Years - Camila Cabello

Your eyes just as I remember

Your smile's just a little softer

And I, and I never prepared for a moment like that

Yeah, in a second it came all back, it all came back

'Cause after all these years

I still feel everything when you are near