This takes place the morning after last chapter. It's little sad, but I felt a little sad today. We're all going through it at the minute, and I'm missing my loved ones hard so I'm letting our two favourite boys hold onto each other a little tighter.
The title of this chapter is taken from Andante Andante by ABBA.
Hope you are all safe and well.
R x
'Er – Prongs?'
'Yes Wormtail?'
'Moony and Padfoot are… cuddling? And – and Padfoot is – is… naked?'
'Mm yes I see what you mean.'
'Are you – should we do something?'
'Well Wormtail, as it turns out, they seem to actually be shagging each other, quite regularly – probably quite roughly – in empty cleaning supply closets throughout the castle.'
Peter made a high-pitched strangled sound.
'That was quite my reaction too, old chap. I'm honestly quite offended. I thought it would have been me that Moony went for, or at the least I'd be Padfoot's first gay experience.'
James let out a startled squeal as a pillow went flying for his face.
'Fuck off Prongs, we're trying to sleep here.'
'Sleep all you want mate but answer to McGoogle's wrath instead of ours.'
Remus had not meant to let Sirius fall asleep in his bed. The whole point of Remus moving from Sirius's bed to his own was so that they did not fall asleep together and so could save Peter and James the heart attacks in the morning. But thirty seconds after Remus had settled in his bed the night before, the springs of Sirius's bed had creaked and his boyfriend was once again all over him, his bare chest pressed against Remus's back. They had fallen asleep like that, and Remus was silently cursing himself for forgetting to pull the curtains around his bed shut, thus, dealing with this current embarrassment. What indeed made it possibly ten times worse was when Remus realised that Sirius was lying stark naked pressed up behind him, and despite their friends staring at them as if they were an exhibition, one part of Sirius was definitely pressing hard into Remus's lower back.
'Alright fine,' Sirius mumbled, his voice muffled because his face was still pushed into the back of Remus's neck, 'but you're going to have to leave us alone first so you don't witness an exceptional display of just how disgustingly queer we are.'
Both Peter and James made more strangled noises that were mixtures between terrified and shocked, and there was a loud stampeding noise as they both rushed to be the first out of the dorm. Remus finally opened his eyes when he heard the echo of Peter's and James's footsteps running down the stairs to the common room. He felt Sirius shift behind him, pushing himself up on his elbow and leaning over to kiss Remus lightly on the cheek.
'Morning,' Sirius whispered against Remus's skin and kissed a line down his jaw to his neck and ended up on his shoulder. Goosebumps erupted on Remus's skin at every point Sirius's lips had touched. Despite his residual embarrassment, Remus smiled. Something about Sirius always seemed to know when Remus was stressed or anxious, and Sirius was always able to keep the door locked on the room in Remus's mind where his dark thoughts were stored.
'Do you think we traumatised them too much?' Remus joked, shifting so that he was lying on his back.
'Nah they'll survive,' Sirius returned Remus's smile and bent down to kiss Remus properly on the lips. They had been kissing languidly and still a little sleepily for maybe a minute when the door flew open, a loud yell came out and the door was promptly shut again. Sirius lifted his head and raised and eyebrow. 'Now maybe. We may need to provide them with therapy.'
Remus laughed. 'We'll just tell them to talk to Lily, she's dealt with it plenty already.'
'Fucking Evans. The bane of my existence.'
'Whatever you say,' Remus rolled his eyes. 'We really should get up though.'
Later that day Sirius was wandering through the castle on his free period. He did not really have a destination, or a reason why, he just felt like walking with an extra spring in his step. The Christmas cheer was spreading readily through him, and he was planning on stealing one of the bunches of mistletoe to surprise Remus with when he saw him later that day. His mind was far in a daydream about how wonderful Remus's face would look all lit up with surprise and admiration at just how fantastic a boyfriend Sirius was when classroom doors on either side of him opened and students began piling from them. Chatter filled the hallways as people started shuffling their way to the Great Hall, all hungry for lunch and a well needed break from lessons.
Sirius practically skipped his way through the crowd towards the Entrance Hall, his spirits lifting even higher as he thought of seeing Remus. The fact he could not be openly romantic with Remus was still annoying to Sirius, but somehow the fact his other two best friends knew about them was a massive weight off Sirius's shoulders. He hated lying to James so much, and the fact he had been lying to him about the biggest, most important secret in Sirius's life had not sat right with him. The fact James had ultimately shrugged and said 'whatever' when he had found out the night before eased a deep anxiety in Sirius.
Just then, Sirius passed a group of sixth year Ravenclaws, one of whom Sirius recognised from Quidditch was speaking loudly and obnoxiously.
'Do you reckon he is queer though?' he said with a slight huff of indignance, and Sirius stopped dead in his tracks, a cold dread spreading through him.
'Whatever is up with him, the guy is weird,' another boy in the group said.
'Yeah, more like Loopy than Lupin. Wouldn't be surprised if he is a filthy faggot.'
Sirius spun on his heel and ended up face to face with the skinny blonde boy he vaguely recognised and, before he even knew what he was doing, he had pulled his arm back and punched the other boy directly on the nose. The boy stumbled back from the force of the blow, his hands flying to cover his face as he let out a grunt of pain. Sirius could see blood on the boy's face, but he did not care because the anger boiling inside of him made him feel like his insides were on fire. He squared his shoulders and looked at the boy with the most contempt he could muster.
'What the fuck?!' the boy exclaimed, wiping away blood from under his nose. He then lunged at Sirius, taking a swing at his face but Sirius was too quick and ducked. The boy toppled forward, and Sirius turned and pushed the boy hard in the back so that he fell face forward onto the floor. The boy's friends were now rushing to his aid, one of them hitting Sirius hard in the jaw from the side and another landing a blow to his stomach. Sirius doubled over as the wind was taken out of him.
'What is going on here?' Sirius heard Professor McGonagall's voice as Frank Longbottom and a Hufflepuff Sirius did not know rushed forward to separate him from the Ravenclaw boys.
'He started it,' Sirius exclaimed angrily, jabbing an angry finger in the boy's direction as he struggled against Frank. He could feel a sharp ache in his jaw spreading up through his cheek where he had been hit but the anger coursing through him was enough that he could not feel the extent of it.
'I do not care who started it, I care that it stops this instant! Fifty points from both Gryffindor and Ravenclaw for completely despicable behaviour,' Professor McGonagall exclaimed, her eyebrows nearly disappearing under her hat. 'Longbottom, take Black to the hospital wing, and Dingle you had better escort Wilson there too. Hopefully I can trust you to not start another fight on the way there?'
'Tell him to stay the fuck away from me and my friends then,' Sirius spat angrily, continuing to struggle against Frank's hold.
'Language Mr. Black! Another ten points from Gryffindor.'
'Fine by me,' the boy, who was now identified as Dingle shouted back in Sirius's face, his voice thick from his broken nose. 'I don't want your faggy friend trying to get into my pants!'
Sirius let out a furious growl and broke free from Frank, lunging at Dingle and knocking him to the ground, landing punches all over him. Dingle reciprocated, and soon had flipped Sirius onto his back and was hitting anywhere Sirius could not protect in time. The two of them tussled, each landing as many punches as they could whilst the crowd around them grew bigger and bigger. There seemed to be a lot of commotion, and Sirius was vaguely aware of McGonagall trying to restore order, and he thought he could hear Slughorn's voice above the foray too. But Sirius was so utterly consumed with hatred for this boy Dingle that with every hit he threw, or received, he could feel it powering him through. It was seeping through him, the fuel of complete and utter injustice that he and Remus could not have what every other normal couple had at Hogwarts. That he had to hear Remus be called such a disgraceful word and knowing that had he not had a reputation himself, that Sirius's own name would be connected to it.
Then suddenly, two strong pairs of hands were grabbing hold of Sirius's arms and dragging him away from Dingle. Dingle's friends, although earlier having also hit Sirius, were now trying to drag their friend away too. Sirius struggled hard against whoever was holding him back, wanting the boy to feel every ounce of anger, disrespect and hurt that was flowing through Sirius.
'Sirius!' Sirius somehow recognised James's voice. 'Sirius, c'mon he's not worth it.'
'He – said –'
'I heard it Padfoot,' James said softly, turning Sirius so he could look him in the eye, 'and I'm telling you – he's – not – worth – it.'
Sirius could see the flare of anger reflected in James's face, and he stopped struggling. He took a step back and his left leg buckled beneath him. It seemed like his whole body was throbbing and he could feel a trickle of blood oozing down his cheek. Frank was on Sirius's left and grabbed him before he hit the floor. He roughly slung Sirius's arm over his shoulder, and with James keeping a firm grip of his right arm, Sirius was ushered off towards the hospital wing.
About five minutes later, Sirius was deposited on a bed in the hospital wing which a grunt of pain. Madame Pomfrey was rushing over to him, tutting something about testosterone. James and Frank had straightened up and James put a hand on Frank's shoulder.
'Thanks mate, appreciate you helping,' James said.
'It's nothing,' Frank shrugged and looked back at Sirius. 'I was nearly going to back him up but figured Alice would be too mad at me if my face got smashed up. She wants me to be part of her family Christmas portrait this year.'
'Sounds fair,' James let out a slight laugh that did not sound real. 'Still, appreciate the help.'
'Again, it's fine. I'd react the same if I heard anyone calling my friend that. Little twerps, hope they get a year's worth of detention.'
'Yeah me too mate. Twats.'
'Anyway, hope you get your face fixed soon Sirius.'
Sirius could not bring himself to form coherent thoughts and so Frank exited without another word. James sat down silently on the chair next to the bed Sirius was sitting dazedly up in. James stared at the floor, his jaw set and spinning his wand agitatedly in his hands. The longer Sirius sat, the more his head began to throb. He could feel a large bruise forming around his left eye, and the place on his right cheekbone that was bleeding was definitely starting to swell.
Then the doors to the hospital wing creaked open and Remus walked in, spotting Sirius's smashed face immediately. Remus hurried towards him, his face taught with worry and Sirius internally cursed himself for making Remus's beautiful face look like that. But his heart was soaring, and if he was any less stubborn, he would have given in to the burn in his throat and prickle in his eyes. The hurt he felt in his chest had little to do with the bruises covering it.
'What on earth?' Remus hissed. Sirius noticed his hand jerk as if he were going to reach out, to provide a loving and comforting touch. Sirius wished more than anything that he could. Sirius raised his eyes to meet Remus's and he was so aware of tears sparkling there. Remus sucked in a deep breath. 'You look terrible.'
Sirius could not even bring himself to make a joke or a comment on how awful Remus looked after full moons. All he could do was stare intently at his wonderful boyfriend, his boyfriend who he would most probably die for. Remus's brows were furrowed in worry, but his eyes seemed to relax slightly, into something much more comforting. A silent conversation was passing between them, one that could not be spoken aloud in front of company. Sirius was urging Remus to understand how upset he was, how much that word had stung him both in relation to Remus and himself. And Remus was saying he understood, it was okay.
'Drink this up,' Madame Pomfrey said, suddenly at Sirius's side and holding a goblet out towards him. 'It's a painkiller. Once you have it in you, I'll fix up those nastier cuts and bruises you have. And Dingle is opposite you on the ward. I must ask you to please not start another fight. You both have your curtains to prevent you from seeing each other.'
Sirius dutifully took the goblet and downed it in one before letting Madame Pomfrey heal his face. She then insisted on Sirius remaining in the ward for a few more hours just to be sure there were no lingering injuries. Sirius could not even bring himself to protest, to joke around and say he had more sixth years to be hitting. Instead, he lay down, letting the painkillers take their course.
James grabbed hold of his shoulder briefly before standing and leaving Sirius alone with Remus. And then Sirius let the full weight of what had happened engulf him as a single tear fell from his eye. Remus sat in the seat James had just vacated and gently touched Sirius's forearm.
'Sirius – look, I understand if you don't want to keep this going. I know we're both subjecting ourselves to a world of hatred out there, and I just – I get it if you want to end things,' Remus's voice was low and it cracked as he finished speaking. Sirius turned to his head to see Remus staring down at the hospital bed. Sirius shifted so he was on his side and moved his had to hold onto Remus's.
'Well, do you want to end things?' Sirius's voice was steady, but his heart was hammering rapidly in his chest.
'No,' Remus gushed, his eyes snapping up to Sirius's, 'no, of course I don't.'
'Well then, that's settled,' Sirius said matter-of-factly. 'You know I'm never breaking up with you, so you're stuck with me now.'
'But Sirius, the names we'll get called, the way we'll be treated. You can such an easier life w-with Marlene, or –'
'And none of it would mean anything,' Sirius cut Remus off, squeezing his hand tightly. 'Remus so much didn't make sense, so much didn't mean anything to me until I found you. Even before we were together, you always had such a calming effect on me. You help me through things, you're always there. Yes, it hurt to hear those things today, but I didn't pummel a guy to bits just to have you break up with me. I count myself lucky I have something so special that makes me want to pummel a guy.'
Remus's eyes shone brightly, and his mouth formed a watery smile. He brought his other hand up to close around Sirius's and bent his head down to press his lips to Sirius's busted knuckle. Sirius watched Remus being so tender and wonderful to him and his heart wanted to burst.
'You know, I just bloody love you, Remus Lupin.'
Remus froze for a second then slowly looked back up at Sirius. Their eyes met and Remus's face split into a grin, matching one that Sirius was wearing.
'I love you too, Sirius.'
