A/N I hope all y'all had a lovely Thanksgiving. I got all thankful for you guys, you know for reading this story - my own little world of the Dixons. They're just trying to navigate through this life, right along with the rest of us. Cheers!
I know y'all know what night it is, if ya don't, well then maybe ya oughta just go on back ta bed. As for the rest of us, we all know it's Wednesday night, time ta head on down ta that nasty little ol' tavern, yeah, ya know the one. It's over there on that back alley, yeah, behind the industrial park, smells like a garbage truck overturned in the joint. It's a second home ta the town's most interestin' n entertainin' misfits n lowlifes. And the beers? They're cheap n frosty n Barkeep just keeps settin' 'em up. Why it's like the man has a sixth sense, he knows you've taken that last swallow, an that a man of yer importance cannot be without a frosty one, unless a course ya run outta money. If that happens, ya better just get yer ass on home.
Yeah, that one.
And everyone knows Wednesday, why it's a tradition, the Dixon Brothers will be partaking of them frosty ones n tellin' every manner a interestin' tale. Much ta the delight of our group of inebriated misfits n lowlifes.
So Daryl walks in an who the hell is already up ta the bar suckin' the very life right outta that brown bottle? It's none other than Oscar. Now this here is an interestin' development, Oscar don't EVER step out ta the bar after work, why ever since they was just shackin' up he's always rushed right home ta Ruby.
Well a course barkeep had a brown bottle there at Daryl's usual spot 'fore Daryl even set hisself down. I got a sneakin' hunch that's cuz barkeep was anxious ta hear what the fuck was goin' on with Oscar n Ruby, same as everyone else at the Mad Dawg.
Daryl no sooner took that first pull than Merle shows up. Barkeep has the man's bottle at his usual spot when he's halfway to it. Barkeep is obviously scandal-starved.
Now Merle he's unsure who to harass first, but ya know a man should stick with tradition, it's only fittin'. So he says ta Daryl, "Hey there Baby Brother yer lookin' mighty relaxed, Little Ballbuster must be easin' up on ya, huh?"
Daryl now, he was in just a lil bit of a teasin' kinda mood his own self, ya don't often see that from the boy, an he says, "Nah, Sweet Baby she's been puttin' the big hurt on me, but when I come in an seen my buddy Oscar sittin' here, lookin' all manner a brow beat, why I perked right up." And he and Merle commenced ta cacklin', cuz like I told ya 999,999 times, them Dixon boys is both capable a behavin' like complete dumbasses.
Oscar he wasn't laughin' at all, he was lookin' every kind a morose a human can look, so Merle says, "Big man, what the hell ya doin' here, ain't Ruby expectin' ya right after work?" Now I don't gotta tell ya, cuz I know yer all plenty intelligent, every ear in the joint was just a strainin' ta hear what the big man said.
"Ruby she's madder'n a wet hen, she done left me, went ta stay with her Mama, said she might see me around some time," he was a shakin' his head, lookin' down, n them Dixon boys was a little concerned that Oscar might start ta cry.
Daryl did the only thing a true friend can do in a moment such as this, he said them all healin' words, "Barkeep, get my buddy Oscar here a double shot a Jack n another beer." Barkeep was on it.
Now Merle, y'all know he's about as smooth as cactus, n he asks, "On accounta why Oscar? Ya been messin' 'round, or she been messin' 'round?" Now I don't know 'bout you, but I would not ask a heart broke man Oscar's size, who's drinkin' double shots a Jack, with a beer back, a question such as that. But hey, that's just me, I value my life.
However, ya got ta know that the whole joint is lookin' damn cheerful, they figure they're not only gonna hear about a scandal, but they're also gonna see some fisticuffs. Gonna be a good night at the Mad Dawg.
But Oscar, he was so down n out he didn't even have the gumption ta get up, take a swing, n knock ol Merle Dixon right on his Redneck ass. Damn, that woulda added a little excitement ta the evenin', but shit, excitement was on the way kids, but we'll get ta that.
So now, Daryl he was feelin' a bit a sympathy for our man Oscar, remembering back ta the time Beth told him she was outta there, didn't want his ass no more, or words ta that affect. You remember, back when she first knew she was pregnant.
So Daryl he puts it to the man, "Well now Oscar, sumthin' musta happened 'fore she walked on out, did ya have a fight, or was ya lackin' in yer luvin'? Was ya drinkin' too much? Gamblin'? Bein' an asshole? Sumthin' musta made her wanna stay with Mama."
"Nope, she'd gone n' bought herself a new red dress, fits too tight, don't leave not one thing ta the imagination, y'all know the kinda dress I'm talkin' 'bout." Now let me just break in and make known ta ya right here, ain't no one doin' anythin' but listenin' at this point, well yeah, they're drinkin' beer, but they ain't lookin' away, they ain't visitin' the john, n they ain't conversatin' with one another, they're listenin'. "So she puts it on ta show me, n she's struttin' all over the room, n a twirlin', n smilin', n she asks me, 'Tell me the truth, whaddya think Lover Man, how ya like it?' So I tell her, ya know, the honest ta God truth, cuz that's what she said she wanted ta hear, so I said, 'Ya look like a hooker.'"
Well boys n girls ya got ta know that at this little revelation, half the bar lost a mouthful a beer that mighta come out their nose, or it mighta flown outta their mouth when they was tryin' ta choke back a laugh. Damn Oscar, ya caused a sinful waste a beer.
Now as soon as Merle had regained a little composure, he did that thing that Merle does in moments of deep crisis, he became the voice of reason. Why it's really quite miraculous, ya know, he's like one a them idiot savants or sumthin'. So anyway, Merle looks ta the beaten man n he says, "Oscar ya big dumb sumbitch, don't ya know when a woman tells ya ta tell her the truth, the very last fuckin' thing ya do is tell her the truth? Unless a course, ya want a busted lip n a cold bed."
"But she said it, why did she say it if she don't mean it?" Oscar downed that double shot, n he guzzled that beer. But don't ya worry yerselves kids, barkeep he set em right back up. He's a professional, I told ya that before.
So anyway now Daryl, ya know Daryl, he's always a little down on himself, n we all know he's a little awkward, can even be kinda shy. But he does have a way about him, ya just ask his Sweet Baby, she'll tell ya, underneath it all, the man knows a little sumthin' about how ta treat a woman. So a course he chimes in with his own wisdom, "Here it is Oscar. When a woman asks ya them questions, what she's really askin' ya is, do ya love her? Do ya want her? So here's how ya do it, let's just say Sweet Baby, she's got her a new red dress. Me? I'm sittin' in the livin' room with my man D.J. n I'm enjoyin' a frosty one while I watch Bear Grylls. In walks my Sweet Baby n she's got on that red dress, n she bought it a size too small. Why it's tight, leavin' absolutely nuthin' ta the imagination. She's a smilin' that big ol' beautiful smile a hers, n she asks me, 'Daryl, tell me the truth now, how do ya like my new dress?' Why I stand right up, I walk over ta Sweet Baby, I wrap my arms around her, n I say ta her, 'Ah Sweet Baby, ya make me want ya, right here, right now. Why ya torturin' me? Couldn't ya wait 'til D.J. was in bed 'fore ya put that on? But damn, I don't think ya better be wearin' that nowhere but for me. Them other boys gonna be all over ya n I'ma have ta kill someone. Damn Baby, is it D.J.'s bedtime yet?' So next time, ya might try n approach more like that, could work for ya."
Thing is, that smelly ol' joint is full a lowlifes, I told ya that already. Don't ya know they's all thinkin' they would not mind even one little bit showin' Young Dixon's Sweet Baby just how hot they think she is. Course ain't no one stupid enough ta say that out loud, shit, nobody wants ta die tonight.
And Oscar, well now he's confused, the Jack probably don't help, n he asks, "Well yeah, but does that work, does she take the dress back?"
Young Dixon he just looks at Oscar like he can't believe he ain't caught on ta the basics a what makes a happy marriage. "Well, sometimes she does, and sometimes she don't. The important thing is, me n her, we're gonna have us a real good time, just as soon as D.J. goes ta bed."
It seemed the whole bar raised their bottle in a silent toast ta the man they all wished they were, Daryl Dixon. Just as quick, everythin' got real, real quiet, yep, ya coulda heard a pin drop, cuz guess who walked in. That's right, Sweet Baby.
She was wearin' a tiny little tank top, n equally tiny shorts, she had her hair all done up in a ponytail, n she was wearin' cowboy boots. There was not a lowlife eye that was not focused on Sweet Baby, why she was the Queen of the Mad Dawg Tavern.
Now Young Dixon his eyes were all lit up at the sight of her, he took three long strides n he was right there. He had an arm around her tiny waist, and a open palm ta her face, he was holdin' her to him, real tight, "Sweet Baby is everythin' okay, where's D.J.?"
She leaned up and whispered in his ear, "Mama and Daddy have D.J., but we have to get Merle to the hospital. Cindy's gone into labor." Daryl he looked both happy and scared, "Shit, it's really happenin'. K, let's go break the news ta him."
Merle was all smiles, yeah well we all know he talks shit about Sweet Baby, always callin' her Little Ballbuster n whatnot, but ya gotta know he just does that shit ta aggravate Baby Brother. He loves Little Sister.
So he says ta the hottest woman ta ever walk in the Mad Dawg, "Hey Little Sister, what're ya doin' comin' in this shit hole, yer gonna get a goddamn cootie or sumthin."
And she's all big blue eyes and big bright smile when she says ta him, "I'm here to get you, you big old lug, Cindy's at the hospital in labor. Isn't that the most exciting thing?! You're about to be a Daddy!"
I don't know about you kids, but I'm guessin' it's a genetic problem, ya know, it's in their DNA or sumthin', cuz right then, n right there in that stinky little dive bar, ya guessed it, Merle Dixon fainted.
It took a buzzed Daryl and a pretty intoxicated Oscar, ta get the Older Dixon ta Beth's car, and damn if they didn't all ride off into the sunset together, ya know, over ta the hospital.
Merle was with it once he saw his Cindy, which is a good thing cuz even in hard labor, Cindy could kick his ass.
And don't ya know, Merle he stepped right up ta the plate, it was probably a damn good thing he was three beers in, he was about as near ta calm as Merle Dixon ever gets. He was holdin' Cindy's hand n just a smilin' n encouragin' here, n tellin' her how much he loved her sweet ass. While she was squeezin' the holy livin' shit right outta that hand n callin' him names even I won't repeat.
Meantime out in the waiting room, Beth got on her little cellie n called Ruby. She explained ta Ruby just what was goin' on here at the hospital. Then she spoke truth to Ruby, "Ruby my friend, Oscar is just a man, you can't expect him to know what you need. You're going to have to teach him yourself, in a real sweet way of course. And it seems to me, he's all ready to learn." Ruby said she'd be right on over ta collect her ever lovin' dumbass. Cuz damn, she did miss her big man, and Mama was gettin' on her very last nerve.
Ah and don't ya know when she saw that big ol' sweet lover man, well Ruby's heart it melted, still she had a little sass left to her. She had a hand on that hip, n she looked at that man n she told it to him straight, "C'mon Big Boy, time for ya ta get on home n show me how sorry ya are, n just how much ya love yer Sweet Ruby." An don't ya know Oscar, why he flew right up outta that plastic chair n he followed them swayin' hips a Ruby's right on out ta the car, n on home ta perform his husbandly duties.
And another marriage was saved.
Now Daryl he was just a sittin' there checkin' out Sweet Baby's pretty legs, after all, it's short shorts season here in Georgia. "I missed ya today Sweet Baby, n I feel a little cheated. I'da enjoyed walkin' in that door tonight, steppin' into that kitchen, n slidin' a hand up into those those tight little shorts yer wearing'."
"It's why I wore them I was missing you today too." And she smiled that sweet n sexy little smile at our boy n ya know, it was all he could do ta sit there n behave, sorta. Okay, so he mighta let a hand slide up the inside a Sweet Baby's leg a couple a times, but he was discreet. Sheesh, give the man some credit.
So in the meantime, Cindy's a hollerin' her head off, n she'd already had the drugs. Ya know, not everyone is goin' along with all this natural bullshit n whatnot, sum of us folks still believe drugs can be a good thing.
However, it did appear that the drugs wasn't doin' Cindy much good at all. Why now, besides squeezin' the holy livin' beejesus right outta Merle's hand, she was cussin' him and tellin' him he was never ever gonna do ta her what got her pregnant in the first place, ever again. And she was tellin' that in what they call a colorful way. But our man Merle, he was bein' a trooper, figured he'd punish Cindy real good for all that nonsense sometime soon, right underneath them covers.
But right now, there was a baby to birth, n it appeared ta be comin' right soon. That was a damn good thing cuz the doctor n the nurses were just 'bout deaf from Cindy's screamin', hell, Daryl n Beth didn't miss a word a what was goin' on, n they was still out in the waiting room.
And then there he was, all pink, wrinkled n slimy. A course, Merle n Cindy, they thought he was the finest lookin' child that had ever graced the earth with his presence, n they named him Earl. That oughta cause plenty a confusion, for years ta come.
Daryl an his Sweet Baby aw don't ya know they made a fuss over their new nephew, and Daryl did not miss the moisture in his brother's eyes. He understood it, becomin' a Daddy is a great big fuckin' deal for damn sure.
He figured he'd better get Sweet Baby home ta bed, so they could partake of a little baby makin' practice, whether they planned ta make a baby or not. It's always a good thing ta practice yer skills kids.
And shit, he had ta be at work in two hours, time was a'wastin'.
A/N That's how it all happened, just like I told it, I can't make this stuff up. Thanks for readin' all about it, I hope you enjoyed! Please review xo
