Everyone needs a friend, Severus' point of view (and all the bits in between)

- written for the Snape Bang 2020

Betaed by Eben, I don't know how you do it, always appearing when I'm in need, by Alex, my constant reader. And by Oni who did it silently and didn't even tell me. I appreciate all of you so much.

I am dedicating this story to my artist, Lia because without her support and encouragement I don't think I would have been able to finish it. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

(I may edit this story later, to fix spag or so) but till then, I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.

Lia also made a beautiful, beautiful drawing of Severus pushing Hermione on the swing. You can find it here: ac ari ad.t umblr pos t/ 642 4625 941076 54144/ create d- for - the - 2020 - snape -big-bang- based-on-the

Delete the spaces for the full link, fanfiction doesn't allow external links. Or you can find her as acariad on tumblr. She's brilliant. Check her out

Word count: 11633


Prologue

"I will run with you till the end of time

If you ask me to

Because you're my friend

And I don't care how long is the road to there

But I feel like it would be such a crime

To let you see the end

Alone, my dear darling friend

You took me by surprise

In a playground I saw the sunrise

Of my lonely soul

When I saw you sitting there next to me

I didn't know you'd be

So important to me"

Life is filled with choices and uncertainties. Life can be very lonely if you walk your path alone and not allow yourself to share it with someone. Friendship is one of the most beautiful feelings one can feel. Two friends make the same soul, as Aristotle once said.

Severus had given up on ever having a true friend, a long time ago. He knew Albus was a friend, but he had his own interests first, and as a Slytherin, Severus could understand that. Hadn't he done the same with Lily? Hadn't he chosen to get along with his housemates to survive and instead killed his only true friendship?

Severus knew he deserved to be alone. Sometimes he wished he had someone to share that joy with, but in the past few years he hadn't allowed himself to think about it. He didn't want to. Hogwarts kept him busy enough not to have time to dwell on such matters, it was during the summer, when he came to Cokeworth, that his thoughts wavered.

Cokeworth was the town of his childhood, and he kept coming back to Spinner's End every year. Or almost every year. Severus didn't know why, but it just felt right in a way. There were many memories that tied him to the little town. Some were good and majority of them bad, and painful, but he couldn't not come. It had become a tradition; perhaps his only tradition.

He came randomly for a few days and just stayed in his house and roamed around the edge of the town, near the forest. There was an old playground there and it used to be his favourite place. Because it was so close to the forest, no parents allowed their kids near it. At least in the present, anyway. Severus used to go to that playground to practice his magic before he met Lily, or to just get away from his parents after his friendship with Lily ended.

It earned him a bad reputation throughout the town; children would be warned against him. It seemed many feared him instantly. For what kind of kid spent his time alone in an old playground? Or afterwards, what sort of weirdo spent time at a children's playground? He could never win. They feared him as an adult as much as they'd despised him as a child. Severus wasn't completely surprised by it; at Hogwarts he did his best to be perceived as the cold, mean teacher who hated children and he supposed that it carried over. He repelled people; they were wary of him. And there was also the fact the people from Cokeworth didn't like that he dressed in all black every day even if it was summer.

The summer of 1988 was just like any other for Severus. He'd arrived for a short break from Hogwarts and he'd spent the majority of it inside his lab at Spinner's End. However, he couldn't leave Cokeworth without a visit to the old playground. It looked just as he remembered from the year before and the year before that. Aged, and yet unchanged.

The house which was closest to the playground belonged to the Grangers. They were wary of him too, even if they were kind people. Their son had been one of the children who hadn't teased him about his clothes and his then girlfriend Marie Gravestone had been one of the few girls not to insult his hair.

It saddened him in a way that such good people shied away from him, but it wasn't truly their fault. If anything, it was his.

The playground blended in with the overgrown grass and trees; it was half a wild place. Fortunately, no animals from the forest came to it, or at least, Severus hadn't come face to face with any of them. He went and sat on his old swing. He'd put some charms on both of the swings to make sure they held. While he didn't know if any of the kids were bold enough to come and explore the playground, if they did, they deserved swings that would not crash under them just as they sat down.

Severus felt that someone was watching him before he saw them. It was a little girl, about eight to nine years old. It was strange; he hadn't seen children under eleven for so long. Of course, he'd spotted Draco sometimes when meeting with Lucius, but he'd never stayed too long around the little monster. For Draco, was indeed a spoiled little brat. Children around Cokeworth usually ran as soon as they saw him, so Severus was surprised to see that the girl was observing him instead. She was peculiar and looked somewhat familiar, but he was too tired to try and figure where else he'd seen the kid even though he was sure he hadn't.

He wondered if he should go when he saw her inch closer to the swings, but not yet entering the playground. However, she was just a little girl; nothing to be worried about, right? She would come closer, recognise him as the man from Spinner's End her parents had warned her about and she would be on her way. And he'd be left alone. Severus had to bite back a smile when he saw her peek from behind the slide. She sure was a curious little kid. He worried a bit that she was alone at this time of the day, but he hoped her parents were nearby, somewhere. Severus realised he couldn't leave even if he wanted to now, he couldn't leave the child alone. The playground may have been safe once, and may still be safe now, but she was a little girl and he took his duty to care for the children under his care seriously, which currently included her somewhat even if many probably wouldn't believe it.

There was always the disbelief if he showed the tiniest bits of care towards someone else, especially children. Of course, usually he didn't, but when he did, he had to have another reason, didn't he? He couldn't just care about the well-being of children, could he? It was a sad world he lived in, filled with prejudices and formed opinions he couldn't change. Severus Snape, bat of the dungeons who scared children and made them cry. He looked at the girl again; she was staring at him intently. He wondered what she saw when she looked at him. Children had an interesting way of seeing the world. After being a teacher for so many years, they still surprised him, although in the most unpleasant ways most of the time.

Of course, he could always read her mind if he really wanted to know what she was thinking about him, but he didn't do it on children. Not even at Hogwarts, never on children. He could read them well enough without dwelling in their minds. Besides, his students weren't quite children anymore, were they? They were going into their teenage years and Severus remembered those years. No, going in their minds was a big no-go. He turned his attention back to the girl and noticed her frowning at him. Severus tilted his head, once again curious at her behaviour. She turned her eyes away from him and looked around the playground.

'She's going to notice we're alone and she will go,' he thought, but not even a second later, she took a step forward, coming closer to the swings. 'Is she going to come here?' What kind of a little girl came close to a strange man in an abandoned playground, just a few hours away from dusk? Severus inadvertently thought, 'Gryffindors' and yet the girl was barely nine and a Muggle. He focused his eyes on the ground, perhaps if he ignored her, she would go away. Although, he probably would have to follow her to make sure she got home safe. Under a Notice Me Not charm, of course. He wouldn't want the kid to be scared about him following her, like a …. creep. But then what she was doing here alone?

Unfortunately, it seemed that she wasn't leaving. He looked up again and she was standing two metres away from him, a ball in her hand. She'd come here to play alone? He fought the urge to shake his head. How often he'd come to the playground by himself at a similar hour when he was a kid? More times than he could count. He watched her; she seemed unafraid of him. He didn't know if to admire her bravery or chastise her for her foolishness. He was more inclined to reprimand the girl, but that would open the floor for discussions. Severus didn't want to talk with anyone. He just wanted to be left alone. He would soon go back to Hogwarts anyway and besides, he was wary to start talking with a kid, considering his reputation in the town. Everyone thought the worst of him.

"Hello Mister! Are you sad?"

If anything, Severus didn't expect those words to come from her. He blinked a couple of times, he was certain he had heard her right. He didn't know what to do, he'd hoped she would go away. He was thinking to leave, and throw a concealing charm on himself, but she was faster. He tried to stand up when she spoke.

"No, stay," she said. "That's my favourite swing. It always makes me feel better if I swing in it. Do you want me to push you?"

Her favourite swing? That meant she must have come to the playground as often as he had as a kid. She was a peculiar child, and it made Severus' lips twitch in a sad attempt of a smile.

"I think I may be too heavy for you," he told her, barely concealing a chuckle. He tried to look approachable; he didn't want her to get scared, not if she'd come so far from behind that yellow slide.

"Do you wanna play ball with me?"

Severus cocked his head to the side. Was she seriously asking him to play with her? Him? Him, the bat of the dungeons? Hadn't her parents warned her against him? Severus figured she must be a visitor to Cokeworth, there was no other way.

"Play ball with you?" he asked, genuine surprise slipping into his voice. No one had asked him that in a long time. So long that he barely remembered it.

"Yes. See?" She held up her green ball before throwing it. "Catch!"

He caught it easily and then threw it back to her, not moving from the swing. "Maybe another day," Severus murmured. He was in a way flattered and happy that she wasn't running away; he could see in her eyes the pure intent to cheer him up, but he wasn't truly in the mood to play.

Severus expected her to get upset at him for refusing her, however she surprised him once again. She smiled at him instead.

"Okay." She went and sat down in the swing next to him. Severus had to fight the urge to bolt and leave her there. "I haven't seen you before. Are you new?" she continued, unaware of his inner turmoil. She was aggravating, but at the same time, he could see she was just a little curious kid.

'New? Child, if only you knew.' Not that he was that old, he just felt that way.

"I'm anything but new," he answered in the end, and Severus inwardly cringed at the sharpness in his voice. "I came back."

'Came back? Came back from where?' Severus almost sighed at his awkwardness. She was a child; he dealt with children the majority of his life.

And yet, his next words were not how he meant them to be."You ask too many questions! Where are your parents, little girl?" He saw her shrink back a little at his change in tone, and was filled with regret.

It seemed that his initial Gryffindor association was right, for the girl answered him in turn.

"I am not little. I am nine, almost ten. My parents are close by." She pointed to the closest house.

Severus tilted his head to the side. He knew that house. The Grangers. Of course, that was why the girl seemed so familiar to him and why she was so kind and curious. Marie and Robert were her parents. She was a little Marie in all senses of the word.

"I see. Marie and Robert Granger?"

"Do you know them?" she asked, and Severus smiled sadly at her. The only kids who had not mocked him for who he was or how he looked had been her parents. But he couldn't tell her that, could he?

"I grew up here," was all he said before turning his gaze away from, trying to remember the last time he'd spoken or even seen them.

"I'm Hermione." She jumped off the swing and stood in front of him, extending her hand to him.

Severus studied it, wondering if she intended for him to shake it. Logically, he knew that was what she probably meant, but he couldn't help but question her intentions. And yet, she had very kind parents. In the end, recounting the many times he'd extended his own hand only to be refused, he decided to take this step and risk it.

"Severus."

It seemed safe to say just his first name. He knew that even if her parents had been kind, they surely must have warned her about the Snape guy, so he didn't want to chance her running. Not now. It would hurt, after seeing her being so brave.

"Severus! That is a Roman name, isn't it? A name shared with some emperors. I like it!"

He smiled at her enthusiasm; she was entertaining.

"You'd be the first. I think Hermione is a fitting name for a young lady like yourself as well."

There, that was a good conversation going.

"You'd be the first to think that, too," she retorted, and Severus couldn't help but wonder, who had hurt her. He had to contain his frustration that yet again, someone so young had to find out how the world saw those more different than them. Probably that was the reason she was alone in the playground and talking with him instead of playing with children her age. But she really shouldn't remain on her own.

"You should not be alone, even if you're nine. That is not nearly old enough. Who knows who you'll meet?" He tried to convey to her how dangerous it could be, although by the look in her eyes, he was sure that she knew and realised exactly what were the dangers. Just like him when he'd been a kid. The playground always won in the end. It provided a much needed peace.

She grinned at him. "I met you!" For Severus that was way too enthusiastic. A child who was happy to see him? But of course, she hadn't met his Professor Snape persona, had she? She just met Severus, who spoke little words and tried to get her to go home safely.

"Yes, and I could be a very bad man. Haven't your parents told you not to speak with strangers?" He was sure Robert and Marie had done so, but it seemed that Hermione had inherited their courage and empathy.

"Yes, they did. I watched you first. Bad men don't look sad; they're never sad. You looked like you needed a friend."

So that was why she'd analysed him in the beginning. She was smart, but then, he'd already guessed that. And yet, he couldn't help but be surprised at her logic. Bad people could look sad too, if they acted well enough. He'd seen plenty of them, although he could tell they were faking it, perhaps she could tell he was genuine. Severus hadn't even realised that he looked sad.

"You watched me and you decided I am not a bad man? That was it? And now, supposedly you want to be my friend?"

No one wanted to be his friend. Especially children. Why was this girl so different? She couldn't truly be, could she?

"Yes." And yet, she seemed so genuine in her answer. To Severus, there was no doubt she meant her words, but he didn't know how to deal with it. It was too much. He needed to go and clear his head, somewhere far away from her curious eyes. Nonetheless, he couldn't leave and let her in the playground by herself.

"I think you should go home. I'm leaving."

He saw her blanch at his tone and Severus once again regretted his sharp tone of voice. He really didn't want to sound as mean as he did. However, he was happy to note that she wasn't backing down.

"I came here to have fun since I am leaving Cokeworth tomorrow. You can leave now if you want; I'm staying." She huffed and sat back in her swing. He found it amusing.

She put the ball on the ground and tried to make herself go up in the air.

"If you're not going, please push me?"

Severus sighed and stood up from his swing. What was the girl doing to him? He started to push her swing from behind.

She looked up, smiling at him. Severus had to hold off a grin of his own. There were years since he'd played with someone in the playground. He wanted to say something to break off the silence, but he was at a loss for words. What could he say to be on the safe side?

"So, you're not from Cokeworth." There, that was a good sentence.

"No, I came to visit. I'll come next year for a couple of days. In two years, I won't be here. We have our big family reunion, held every five years. I didn't like the last one, so we're not coming."

He could tell that there was more to it than that, but he didn't pry. Severus could very well guess why she didn't like the family reunions. He remembered how posh and annoying Robert's cousins and older brothers were, too. If they had passed it down to their children, no wonder Hermione didn't feel like going to meet them. At least, her parents understood. Severus remained quiet for a while, not knowing what to say. What could he say anyway?

He continued to push her and for the first time, he marvelled at the comfortable silence. He wondered if that was how people with friends felt.

Severus pushed the swing for a couple of good minutes, until the sun began to set. He realised that he had to make her go home before her parents came looking for her. It wasn't perhaps his best decision, but he quite liked his little friend. Children had a way of seeing life and others, differently. For once, someone didn't judge him for who he was, what he was called or the colour of his clothes. And most importantly, she didn't know about the snake tattoo from his left arm. A tattoo that would brand him forever and one that he would forever regret.

After a while, he decided it was enough. "We both ought to go, it is getting late."

"Only if you play ball with me next year," was her response and he couldn't help it, he smiled at her. She really had a one-track mind and it was adorable.

'Oh no! Don't tell me now I tolerate kids?' However, secretly, he enjoyed it. It felt like having a friend.

"If you remember," he muttered; he didn't want to have too much hope. He always got disappointed in the end if he hoped. And yet, he allowed himself to hope.

He watched her nod at him and hop off the swing. Severus bent down and reached the ball before she could and with a smile he threw it off at her and motioned for her to go home.

"You better go straight home," he said. "I will watch you."

She grinned at him. "I will. Thank you, Severus!"

Thank you, Severus. He didn't think he'd hear those words said by anyone else than Albus, not with true genuine affection. The girl really was something else. He knew that the old man cared and meant his words, but Albus also had expectations of him, wanted him to do something, to own up. Hermione Granger, nine-year-old extraordinaire had just one expectation for him: to come back next year and play ball with her.

Severus found that he liked that expectation much better than being ready to take the spy mantle again or the fact that he had to be the worst teacher in history. It was an easier and much more innocent request. And truly he'd had fun. If he could call it that. It'd been interesting to completely let go of everything that worried him, even if just for a few minutes. They were good minutes. The girl didn't ask awkward questions and seemed pretty smart for her age, with good observational skills. Of course, that didn't stop her for resembling a foolish Gryffindor, but it was something to admire.

Nonetheless, he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that Robert and Marie had exited the Granger house and had come to greet her. Thankfully, she didn't turn to look at him and by the fact that her parents didn't look towards the playground he realised that she hadn't told them about him. Severus didn't know how to feel about that. In a way, he understood why and he was relieved, but in another, he was a teacher and he knew that she should have told them.

However, there was still time. Perhaps, she didn't want to tell them when he was still watching. He could see that, her being thoughtful like that, after all, he hadn't been the most social butterfly.

Severus felt the loss of warmth when she disappeared from his line of sight. He hadn't realised that he missed having someone to call a friend that much. Little Miss Hermione Granger had made him aware of how beautiful that feeling was, to have someone, a friend. And yet, she was a child. Could he even be sure that she'd remember him next year? Could he be sure that she'd continue to care? Or that her parents would even bring her back?

He really didn't know, but for the first time in a long while, Severus let himself hope.

It may be a foolish thing to do, based off just a few moments of chatting, but it was more than he'd ever thought he'd get and that, that was what made him hope.