"We can't keep her from leaving, InuYasha." Kagome said as she stood between the Inu and I.
"And why can't I? Why should I let that bastard terrorize her? You didn't see her reaction yesterday. You couldn't smell her." He argued.
"InuYasha." I called with a distinct sternness.
"I won't keep quiet about it."
"I appreciate the concern, but if I remain missing for any longer, I honestly don't know what Sesshomaru will do."
"I won't let him touch you. I won't even let him look at you."
"InuYasha, be reasonable."
"I am! You seem too delirious to realize that yourself!"
Kagome sighed before telling InuYasha to sit. She then ushered me away from the temple we'd spent the night at, walking with me towards the forest.
"Thanks again for looking after us yesterday. I don't know how InuYasha would have handled it without you."
"He would have been fine. I just fear I'm somewhat imprinted on him now."
"If you think things will be fine, then I'll trust you. But if anything ever happens, you know you have a home with us."
"Of course."
"I hope us staying at the temple hasn't caused any harm. Sesshomaru might have freaked out, not being able to find you and all."
My eyebrows ruffled.
"Kazumi." Kagome called.
"I should be fine."
"That's not a good answer." She said as she paused. "Are you sure about this?"
"Please, Kagome, not you too."
"I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do, but I want to make sure you're doing the same for yourself."
"Kagome, I question myself enough already. InuYasha made this even harder. Anymore and I won't know what's best for myself."
"Do you want to talk about it?" She immediately asked.
"No, not really."
"I'm willing to listen. I won't speak a word of it to the others."
"Kagome. No."
She sighed. "Just be careful."
"Of course."
We both noticed the demon lord waiting for us to finish our conversation. I could see the impatience in his stance. I was sure he looked no different to her, and I would leave it that way. She waved good bye and walked away. I went to catch up to Sesshomaru, who had already started walking away.
No more than a minute passed before he reared his anger. He'd grabbed my yukata, and held me against a tree. His gaze asked me where I had spent the night.
"I was nursing the three. I couldn't just leave InuYasha there alone." I tried to explain.
"Did I permit you to go where I could find you?" He asked me.
"You would never do that."
"Then you know your crime."
"I was only helping them." I cried.
"Did you hold their hands as well?"
"The man thought he lost his family, and his only real family degraded him! He needed it!"
"Do not defend it." He growled, making my breath catch in my throat.
I couldn't say anything.
"If you refuse to accept my touch, do not dare to give yours to another." He commanded as he brought himself closer to me.
My heart beat was wild, and my breath was shallow.
"A hanyou is beneath you. He sullies you."
"No he's-"
His glare cut into me. My instinct shut me up before my brain could.
"It was the hanyou's incompetence that brought his pack to the brink of death. The same, if not worse, will happen to you should you stay by that pitiful excuse of an Inu."
"Stop it." I barely whispered.
"Only I can protect you," He insisted, "trusting anyone else will be your death."
"No." I replied, trying my hardest to not believe him.
"You refuse me so quickly, yet readily give the hanyou your ear ." He stated as he pressed against me harder. "What else did you do with that hanyou?"
"Nothing." I answered.
He scoffed before letting his scathing remarks roll off his tongue. "Did you not allow him onto your lap? Did you not welcome his embrace?"
"He is a friend, Sesshomaru." I replied, frustrated and frightened by and of him. "What type of woman do you take me for?"
The pressure and aura he exuded was crushing me. "An irrational one, one who does not know how to hold her tongue, one I give far too much liberty." He concluded.
I could feel my tears burn my face as they fell down my face. His hands were as cold as the words leaving his mouth.
"You shed tears for what?" He asked, holding my hands to keep me from wiping away my tears. He was crushing my wrists. "Did you show the hanyou these tears?"
I chose to be silent.
"Will you not answer?" He asked, putting our faces centimeters away.
I turned my face away, but Sesshomaru instantly grabbed my chin and forced me to look him in the eyes.
"Answer."
I broke. My shoulders curved inward, and I shut my eyes. I hiccupped as my voice broke. "No! Of course not! I wouldn't be here if I did."
"Would you have let him dry your tears? Would you abandon your responsibilities and run to be by his side?"
I cried harder.
"You continue to cry." He growled.
"Because of YOU!" I shouted
He was silent.
"More than anything, anyone, you terrorize me." I cried.
He let go of my wrist and chin. I immediately pulled away. I covered my face as I attempted to stop my sniffling and wipe away my tears. I refused to crouch into a fetal-like position. I'd be worse off if he cornered me like that.
He was silent as I composed myself. When I built enough courage, I looked his way. In the second that my gaze was on him, I felt cold steel scraping against my spine. I could feel the color in my skin fly out my fingertips. My head turned away from the daiyokai so quickly that I gave myself whiplash. My heart was racing, and my breath had halted. When did I become such a coward? No, how did I ever stand against the man? How had I grown the courage to tell him 'no?' How did I ever stand against the giant?
I held my head as I forced myself to breathe. The world came crashing down on me. What have I gotten myself into? How the hell was I supposed to get myself out of it? The man would never let go of me. He'd drag me out of the deepest depth of hell, kicking and screaming, if the need ever arose. I'd have to hide in the holiest region of the island, and, unfortunately, it was bound for a visit from him, and to collapse in due time. Could I find another temple in time? Could I find one that shrouded the mark on my neck as completely as the last?
My thoughts stopped when I felt his hand hold onto my wrist again. I had been unintentionally pacing.
He slowly ran his hand up my arm.
I couldn't shiver.
He turned away from me and instructed me to follow behind him. I hesitated for a few seconds, but scurried to catch up to him when he stopped to look at me from the corner of his eyes.
Upon returning to camp, I realized Rin was gone. As the toad told it, the girl, who he was responsible for, magically disappeared. I couldn't find it within myself to chastise thekappa. Instead, I kept my eyes on the ground and sat by Ah-Un. Taking a blanket from his satchel, I covered myself and eventually returned Sesshomaru's stare. He eventually turned away and left. I laid against the two-headed demon, in no mood to talk. I was too emotionally and psychologically flustered. What am I still doing by this man's side?
He sexually assaulted me, and that's all there is to it. I'm no mother. Despite what he said earlier, I have no obligation to care for Rin. I have no obligation to Sesshomaru. I do have an obligation to myself: to keep and protect myself. The man is detrimental to my person, and should be avoided. But I couldn't imagine trying to get away actively. He'd just pull me back, and have a reason to be more constrictive. He'd lock me away before even contemplating letting me walk away. His gaze would freeze me for suggesting it. I wouldn't see the sun again if I ran away again.
I waited quietly for the first couple of minutes. Soon after, I succumbed to the weather and dozed off as soft breezes cooled my skin and mind. I woke from my light slumber upon someone tapping on my shoulder. Jaken said nothing for once. He walked back to his seat on the other side of the dragon as an eight-year old ran into my arms.
I welcomed Rin as warmly as I could. She laid her head on my lap, and I rustled her hair. She started telling me about the kidnapping that occurred in my absence. I listened to her as her imagination ran wild, painting a picture with Kohaku as a knight in training, and Sesshomaru as his mentor.
"I didn't know you were in such danger." I told her.
She nodded her head and quickly changed the subject. "What about you, Kazumi-san? Mi'lord was mighty upset that you didn't-"
"Rin." Sesshomaru snapped, making the girl go quiet immediately.
"I was fine, Rin; I spent the night at a temple because Sango, Miroku, and Kagome were sick, and InuYasha needed help." I explained as I brushed her hair out of her face.
Rin sat up. I watched her as she took my hands.
"Kazumi-san, your hands are cold." She stated.
"Are they? It is getting cool now, isn't it?" I replied, slightly surprised by the change in subject. "I will have to take care to keep myself warm. I never seem to keep enough heat as the weather cools."
"Rin heard that people die when they are too cold. Will you die Kazumi-san?"
A shiver ran down my spine. "I won't. That only happens if you are really, really, really, cold."
"But I don't get it, why are your hands cold if your lap is warm?"
"The body prioritizes what needs to be warm. Usually, the more important parts of the body, like our chests and the heads, stay relatively warm. Our fingers, toes, noses, and sometimes ears aren't as important compared to the rest of our body; so we have to be very careful with them. If we aren't, and the weather is very cold, those parts can make us very ill."
I heard Jaken scoff. "Simply more proof that humans are nothing but weaklings."
I didn't bother speaking. My gaze shifted to the corner of his eyes, daring it to disturb my peace again.
He was quick to turn away, mumbling that I had no command over him. I took my hands out of Rin's, placing them on her cheeks with a smile. She diverted her curiosity from my exchange with Jaken to my pull at her attention. She laid back down, staring at the sky, until dinner rolled around, and then her bed time. Like always, Jaken was asleep soon after, and Ah-Un showed no interest in the world once his heads were set down. I sat a bit closer to the fire, marking Rin's observation as a legitimate concern.
"Are you cold?" Sesshomaru finally spoke from his corner of camp.
"I am fine." I replied quickly and curtly.
He went quiet as I warmed myself by the fire.
I was nodding off to the gentle roaring of the flames as the heat seeped through my skin. A deep breath cleared my head, but the soft crunching of grass was like shattering glass. I laid my head on my knees to watch Sesshomaru walk around the fire. The hairs on my arms were standing. Though electricity sparked at my fingertips, my eyes had trouble staying open. I took a breath before hearing Sesshomaru stop next to me. I attempted to ignore him, but him pulling me away from my knees and onto my feet gave my eyes enough energy to stay open for a while longer.
I didn't say anything. My eyes were glued on the hand he held my elbow with.
He said nothing as he pulled me away from the fire and toward a tree. He sat down, after moving his grip to my wrist, hinting for me to follow suit. After I sat, reluctantly, by him, he let my wrist go to pull my head onto his fur-clad shoulder as he wrapped me with his tail.
"I said I would be fine." I replied, refusing his advances.
"The weather is changing." He reminded me.
I looked away.
"What bothers you?" He asked.
"You were less than kind to me hours earlier." I replied.
"Were you not the one to disappear?"
"That was different."
"Was I wrong to show concern?"
"Your words and actions did not convey concern."
"You disobeyed. Disobedience deserves discipline." He stated forcefully.
"I-I don't think I should stay in this group. This isn't healthy."
"You need rest." He replied immediately.
"I'm not speaking sleep-deprived nonsense."
"Where would you go? Only I can protect you. Have you forgotten the danger you faced outside my pack?"
"I haven't forgotten."
"Then you wish to become a slave."
"Of course not."
"You wish to fear for your life." He guessed.
"I-" I could feel his mokomoko tighten around me
"Then you wish to die."
"And will all that has not happened here?!" I snapped.
His glare bore into me, shattering my confidence in my words.
"I just, I just-"
He held onto my hand, locking our fingers together. "You need not protest. Allowing you to leave is not an option, and never will be."
I was silent.
"The day has been long. Rest."
