Our reunion with Ah-Un and Rin was a quiet one. There was still an awkward silence between Sesshomaru and I, and it was obviously affecting me. Every time I tried to think of something else, my mind slowly made its way back to Sesshomaru. I had to look away whenever we made eye contact, and I walked with much more distance between us. I didn't feel comfortable. My body would get warmer, and that feeling of insecurity would come back whenever I was too close to him or looked at him. I couldn't handle the feeling, so I would back away.
It made no sense. We had been so close before, but now…
"Kazumi-chan, is something wrong?" Rin asked me.
"… oh, no. I was just thinking." I replied to her.
"You sure do think a lot." She laughed as she grinned. "Are they happy thoughts?"
"I don't think so."
"Really? Are they sad thoughts?"
"I guess… to be honest, I don't even know anymore."
"What do you mean you don't know? They're your thoughts."
"When you get to be my age, it's much harder to understand some things."
"Then why don't you ask Sesshomaru-sama? Whenever Rin has questions, Sesshomaru-sama answers if Rin isn't too young for the answer."
"You shouldn't speak in third person." I said, not wanting to give a proper reply.
The little girl tilted her head before speaking. "But that's hard for Rin!"
"You have to try to learn."
"Okay…"
Thank goodness for her sometimes short attention span. She returned to running around Jaken before jumping onto Ah-Un at Sesshomaru's command. She continued to talk, filling the air with her questions. At least she was keeping the silence out of the area.
'Should I apologize?' [Me]
Oh my gosh, you've asked that like fifteen times! [I]
'Have I?' [Me]
It does get annoying when you keep asking the same question.[Myself]
You ask, and ask, AND ASK! Before we were being nice when we said 'do what you feel is right.' For Sanity's sake, APOLOGIZE! [I]
'But what do I apologize for?' [Me]
FIGURE IT OUT! [I]
'How do I do it?' [Me]
I don't know, think of something! [Myself]
'No! Don't kick me- out.' [Me]
I needed to apologize for whatever I did I guess. I don't think he'd want anything from me since he can get whatever he wants. I mean, he is a demon lord. I'll just have to man up and get 'er done. When we stopped for a break, Rin went and sat in a field of flowers with Jaken. Sesshomaru sat down and seemed to stare off. I still couldn't read his face. He didn't even face me as I stared at him. I managed to gather a shimmer of courage and went over to him. I crouched down to his height and waited. When I had his attention, the silver of courage I had slipped away, and that insecurity came back.
"Uh… well…" I murmured.
He didn't say anything. Sometimes I hate that silence. Why does he have to be so attentive all the time?
"I'm sorry for what I did or said." I said facing the ground. "There are a lot of things I've done that weren't smart and I've said some stupid things. I'm sorry that you have to deal with it. I must get super annoying at times because even I get annoyed with myself. I shouldn't be surprised that you're upset with me, but I can't help myself from feeling guilty. I mean, I'm ranting now because I feel horrible for troubling you so much. I guess Kagura was right when she said I must be a hassle. I even admitted that I am. It must be my ignorance, but I-"
My apology speech was interrupted by Sesshomaru pulling me onto him. He held my head against his chest and placed his other arm around my waist. I didn't move at first because I was just that surprised, but my reason changed. I didn't want him to let go. I was glad to know that he wasn't angry at me anymore. The type of anger he showed me then was completely different than the one he usually showed me for making stupid mistakes. If anything, it was more like disappointment than anger.
But Sesshomaru doesn't show feelings other than his sporadic anger. Am I affecting him? That has to be the answer. I know this is a huge question, but is he in love with me? That would explain why he shot me that look when I said he wouldn't kill me until I gave him an heir! But it can't be that obvious. But love makes you do things you normally wouldn't do… like get insecure and strangely warm when you feel like you did something wrong! Wait, I already know I love him. I would decode this later. Right now, I wanted to just relax my head and heart.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
She had not spoken to me until now. Her words were those of an apology. She stared at the ground as she spoke, picking at her fingernails. She had no reason to apologize. Her shenanigans were the norm for her. When she mentioned the name of the wind witch, my beast seemed to be disturbed. She then said that the incarnation called her a hassle.
At that point, I stopped listening to her. Before I could realize it, I pulled her into my embrace. She was obviously surprised, but she loosened soon after. She held onto my clothing and kept her head against my chest. She may be a bother at times, but she is my burden. The sound of her heart beating left me silent. I had nothing to say.
See? It's not too hard to love!
Be quiet. You know nothing of the matter.
I know more than you!
You are a fool then.
No more of a fool than you.
I do not have time for you.
When will you stop fighting it?
