Hey Everyone!
For those of you who have been reading my fanfiction Civil Affairs for awhile, you may remember that in order to interact with my community better I did a oneshot giveaway between February and April of 2019. Everyone who was interested was asked to submit a prompt to me via email/PM, I would randomly assign them numbers, and then draw those numbers out of a hat to decide the winning prompt. Whatever prompt I pulled out, I was going to write a oneshot about.
The winner was ElladoraLestrange who is one of my longest standing readers so it was really cool that her prompt won. Her reviews have been with me since the beginning and it was great to be able to return her loyalty somehow.
Her prompt was:
Kiyoko one-shot (can preferably be a pairing but doesn't have to be). Kiyoko must have the same personality and be a civilian. Other then that, no restrictions. Suggested pairings are; Gaara, Hashirama, Hiashi Hyuga, Hizashi Hyuga, Itachi, Madara (before traitor), Minato, Neji, Orochimaru (before he turned traitor), Sai, Sakumo H., Sasori (before traitor), Shikaku, Shikamaru, Shino, Shisui, Tobirama (- lol, geez why is this one on the list), Yamato
This prompt was awesome - vague but concise at the same time and I got all kinds of ideas. For some reason my mind FIXATED on Hizashi Hyuuga and the rest is history.
Well, the oneshot didn't really go as planned since shortly after I went through a couple life crisis that caused me to disappear for a year. This oneshot, along with Civil Affairs, sat partially ignored over that year. But I'm back now and I have more energy then ever to write...so that oneshot became a short story...
I got a little carried away, to say the least, and it became a short story. (Well, short to me)
This was still originally meant to be a oneshot so you'll notice that the scenes are a lot quicker, less dialogue heavy and less emotionally charged then Civil Affairs. This is meant to be an overview of Kiyoko's life if it was changed by the above factors, to see how different it would be, so you may find it a little fast-paced.
I also want to mention that I have lost my editor because she is a hard-working woman who doesn't always have time to read my fics anymore... :(
There is child marriage in this fic but I assure you there is NO SEXUALIZING OR GROOMING of children. There is no statutory rape/sexual relationships between a character who is a minor and an adult despite the eventual child marriage.
Please keep in mind while reading this that age of adulthood in Konoha is sixteen in the Civil Affairs Narutoverse, so there are some blurred lines there and while it is not a topic covered yet in Civil Affairs, some of the spin offs I have outlined that take place during the Warring States Era do include child marriages with people between 14 and 16, sometimes to people of adult age. Since this story puts Kiyoko a generation earlier, Konoha has not yet entirely broken the child marriage trend so it comes up - nothing graphic but it is mentioned.
If you're sensitive to these themes it may be best if you don't continue to read this story.
This is also a canon-compliant fic (so there is some character death) with the exception of one canon deviation at the very end…I'm sure that you can guess what that is based on the title.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you enjoy!
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Civil Affairs Narutoverse - The World Where Neji Lived - PART I
My sister, Atsuko, and I were the youngest of Kigo and Umeko Shiranui's five children; we had three elder brothers who came before us. Fugo, Tomoe and Shuro.
To this day, I'm not sure whether my relationship with my family was normal or not. Any family dynamic I've had since made my original one seems normal by comparison.
To elaborate, everyone else in the village seemed to know my brother Fugo better than we did. I had only ever met him once or twice and the meetings were brief. There were eleven years between us and by the time we were old enough to understand he was our brother; he had been long gone. He was praised highly by elite shinobi and my father as a genius, though at the time I didn't understand the weight of that statement. Perhaps, even now, I still don't.
He joined ANBU Black Ops at twelve and our family never saw him again.
He could be long dead or could pass me every day on the street and I would have no idea. Yet, the idea doesn't bother me even though I know it probably should. Fugo, as terrible as this sounds, was more of an idea than an actual person and... it's difficult for me to mourn an idea.
My parents clearly loved one another and were kind people, but despite that neither of them were nurturing towards their children. We were fed, clothed, and taught how to behave. Cared for but not necessarily nurtured. When you looked into my parent's eyes, there was love and pride...but there was also a layer of coldness unique to people who had known only death and war in their lives. People who feared what they would become if they got just a little too attached to someone else. Even if those 'someones' were their own children.
Too late I realized that I had mimicked my parents with my own son. Thirteen years of my life were marked by war, just as my parent's entire lives had been, and I could only hope that my children would see true peace in their lifetime.
I never miss my parents. They raised me to embrace a future where they would be gone, and I would have to continue without them. Besides, there is no point in mourning them when they lived full lives, accomplished much, and died natural deaths. Most people in Konohagakure no Sato are not that fortunate.
It is Shuro and Atsuko that I find myself mourning in the times when I'm forced to face terrible things alone. They were my family and it wasn't until they were gone that I realized how much I needed them.
XxX
I was six years old when I learned that Atsuko and I weren't the only identical twins in Konohagakure.
Looking back on it from adulthood, it seems obvious that we weren't the only ones but as young as we were, it had been a new concept. In my later years as a student I learned that children are 'preoperational' at that age. They are egocentric, meaning they can't seem to understand abstract ideas outside themselves. What does your friend see? That is nearly impossible for children of that age to grasp. They assume their friend must always see the same things they do.
So, it is natural that I'd had difficulty understanding the very idea that I wasn't the only one in the world with a twin until confronted with it in a way I couldn't avoid.
It was late Winter 1436. I can't recall the exact date or even the month.
My elder brother, Tomoe, was getting married to some girl I had never met and, quite frankly, didn't care to meet. I loved Tomoe but, as young as I was, had no interest in his future wife. Her family owned a dumpling stand in the Imai District and made a modest living that way. The two of them were only sixteen and I'd heard my father whispering harshly to my mother that he felt Tomoe was making a mistake. In hindsight, perhaps his irritability had something to do with my nephew Genma's birth. I don't quite remember the date of Tomoe's wedding, only that Genma was born the following July and the mother didn't survive.
As an adult, I can recognize the implications that escaped me as a child and likely distressed my father. In my opinion he had no one to blame but himself. After all it was him who had always enforced that Shiranui men 'treated women properly' so it was rather hypocritical of him to expect his son to sign a Declaration of Paternity and shove the mother of his unborn child aside.
To a child, the event had seemed grand. It was full of unfamiliar faces and, as such, it seemed like everyone in Konohagakure had been invited.
As an adult when I reflected on it, it was rather modest.
It consisted of the bride's small family and our slightly larger one. While there was plenty for the guests to eat and drink, it took place in our small backyard which had been decorated quickly and inexpensively. As it was winter many of my mother's plants had died so she had compensated by making origami flowers, which she scattered along the flowerbed. I remembered that she had sat for weeks before the wedding, endlessly folding them without help. Cheap paper lanterns, which we normally used to decorate the front porch during festivals, had been suspended between the back of the house and tall, wooden poles my father had borrowed from a training ground nearby. The poles had been wrapped in thick satin ribbons which were lilac in colour. It seemed like another frivolous decoration, but I knew from watching my father's painstaking attempts to wrap them just so that it was to hide the marks left by shuriken.
It didn't normally snow in Konohagakure until later in the winter season and even then, the snow was brief. There was always a winter chill that was unmistakable from November through to March. To combat this and make sure Tomoe's guests were comfortable, my father had built small stone furnaces around the yard. Most of them were over by the tables but there were also some on the other side of the yard.
There were many unfamiliar people.
Some of Tomoe's ninja colleagues were there, though they all cleared out as soon as the free drinks, courtesy of my father, had ended. A handful of my parents' friends were there, though they sat at a table and spoke quietly with my mother the entire time. According to my mother years later, my father had tracked down Fugo and invited him, but he had openly declared that he 'wasn't interested'. It was one of the only times Kigo's eldest had disappointed him and it had left my father in a foul mood the entire evening. I'm not sure what he expected from a man who had clearly severed ties with his family. Perhaps he'd thought that, because Fugo and Tomoe were close in age, he would feel some obligation to his brother and appear. Regardless of what my father thought at the time, he had ended up being mistaken and all he had earned was a sour mood during his second son's wedding.
Kigo Shiranui was a kind man who thought the world of his children and he took it very hard when they disappointed him.
My brother Shuro however, made a genin earlier that same year, was accounted for. His sensei had been planning a training mission for his team that afternoon but having heard the news of Tomoe's wedding had cancelled. Shuro hadn't even had to ask for the day off. Once she learned they had no plans, my mother had invited Shuro's entire genin team to the gathering. Knowing her like I did, this was mostly just to make sure Shuro had someone to keep him company at the dry event. His sensei had politely declined but his two teammates, who before that day I'd never met, had chosen to come.
That is how I met the other twins in the village. Hiashi and Hizashi Hyuuga.
Even now, years later, I don't understand the fondness that the noble Hyuuga twins had for Shuro Shiranui. As a genin, Shuro was dorky and outspoken at inappropriate times. Nothing like his cool-headed and polite teammates. Yet the three boys, even when they became men, shared one of the strongest platonic bonds I'd ever seen.
Shuro was my brother and I understood him to an extent.
I realized that the friendship he had with the twins filled an emotional void that had been left by the distance of his real brothers. None of my brothers were particularly close to one another; one of my parent's personality traits which had clearly rubbed off on them.
Shuro's attachment to the Hyuuga twins I understood but what I never could understand was why the twins entertained and encouraged it. I could never understand why, when they were so different from him, they held him in such high regard. Perhaps it was a ninja thing. A 'we fight and bleed together' thing. Which, admittedly, is something that I can romanticize but will never be able to completely understand.
Atsuko and I, disinterested with the entire event, had spent most of our time playing near a furnace in the far corner of the backyard. From where we were, I could still clearly see and be seen by my mother, but we were away from the strangers. It had been me who gravitated towards the isolated corner. Contrary to our normal dynamic, Atsuko had felt it appropriate to follow me without protest.
Usually Atsuko lead and I followed.
Our mother dressed us in matching powder blue kimono, which only seemed to exaggerate how identical we were. We had the same features. Same long, straight brown hair and indigo eyes. Our facial structure, sharp then even despite our youth, was eerily similar.
It was even more reason to stay away from the unfamiliar guests. It saved us the awkwardness of not being recognized or called by the wrong name. Our mother and siblings were the only ones that could tell us apart. Our father thought he could tell us apart, but the truth was that he couldn't. Even when he got it wrong, we would pretend he was right so as to spare his feelings - it was something we had decided as soon as we realized our father's common mistake. Earlier that day Tomoe had gifted us with satin ribbons for our hair, which matched the lilac ones being used to decorate the wooden posts. We loved and cherished them for years afterwards; I still have mine two decades later.
The sun had gone down, and father had just lit all the paper lanterns when Shuro, who had been ignoring us most of the wedding, came up to us.
"See! I told you they were twins!" He exclaimed over his shoulder. He was speaking to his two teammates who had accompanied him, although I don't remember noticing them at first. They were quiet.
"Atsuko," He proceeded to scold my twin, his hands coming to rest on his hips. While he was only eleven to our six, Shuro always seemed to think it was his business to be the 'big brother' figure. To us Fugo was barely a thought and Tomoe acted like another playmate, so I supposed he felt that the duty of being the authority figure fell to him. "Stop playing in the dirt. You're going to ruin your kimono."
His scolding caused me to look over in her direction.
I had been sitting quietly and weaving grass together to make fake pineapples, so I hadn't really been paying attention. Now that I looked over, I noticed that Atsuko had decided to make mud pies. A decision which was slowly leading to the destruction of her new, expensive kimono. I said nothing, looked away and picked up another handful of tall, bladed grass.
Shuro and Atsuko were always fighting about something and to be honest I wasn't interested in being involved. My mother had given Atsuko the same talk she gave me about how special the kimono was; it was her choice to disregard it. As it was her choice it was therefore none of my business. None of Shuro's either, in my opinion.
It wasn't any of his business in Atsuko's opinion too as her response was to push her cheeks together, getting mud on them, and blow a big raspberry in his direction. Shuro started to growl at her, clearly plotting how best to get back at her for her disrespect.
"How do you tell them apart?" I heard a calm voice ask from behind Shuro. I looked up again, now noticing the two other boys accompanying my brother. It was dark and they were standing behind him, so at best all I could make out were darkened silhouettes. Since he was standing partially in front of the furnace, I could see Shuro's expression as his anger briefly subsided and he shrugged non-committedly at the question. Unable to properly see the speakers, I went back to what I was doing.
"I don't know," he started in confusion, "same way I tell you two apart. You're different, it's just that you have to know what to look for. That's all."
Atsuko blew another raspberry in his direction. She also added a quick shout of 'dork!' to the equation. I watched the muscle at the edge of my brother's mouth spasm as his irritation returned. My face remained passive and I continued to weave my fake pineapples as I watched the battle take place before me.
"For example," he started, his face growing dark as he stooped towards my twin, "Atsuko's the dumb one that never shuts up." He stuck his face right in Atsuko's as he pushed his big brother persona aside in favour of teasing her.
"I am not dumb!" Atsuko exclaimed, sounding mortified.
"Are too."
"Am not!"
"Are too."
Instead of responding, Atsuko stuck out her tongue and licked Shuro's face, from chin to forehead, in one fell swoop. Several things happened at once.
Ninja or not, my brother was clearly not expecting the sudden action, and he reeled away from her quickly with a disgusted exclamation. Atsuko cackled in victory, picked up her dirty kimono and ran across the yard to where my mother was sitting. As he reeled, Shuro's elbow knocked into the furnace and dislodged one of the stones, causing it to slide down into the fire and snuff it out. All three genin and myself were suddenly left in darkness, while my brother vigorously tried to wipe his face.
I sat in silence for a long moment, taking in the darkness that surrounded us. The noise of the festivities suddenly seemed to me to be far away - as if it had left with the light. I felt fear blossoming in my chest, which then created panic, which eventually culminated in my face going hot and tears welling up in my eyes. I bit my lip as I fought them back and let the fake pineapple I'd been working on fall to the ground.
"S-Shuro…" I started weakly, unable to see anything through a combination of the darkness and my tears, "I-it's d-dark."
I heard my brother yelp in sudden realization, and he was hovering over me in an instant. My father scolded me often for being afraid of the dark and so I struggled with it adamantly. I was not successful this time.
"Oh man," I felt him slowly grab my hand and use it to point, guiding my head to look in that direction, "See, Kiyoko! You can see the party and all the paper lanterns from here. It's not so bad."
I sniffled a little bit as my eyes adjusted and realized that I could, indeed, still see the light from the party. I could even see my mother in the distance holding Atsuko's arms and scolding her for her dirty kimono. I could see Tomoe standing awkwardly next to his bride while a colleague slapped his shoulder jovially. I could see my father and the bride's father glaring at one another next to the food table, likely having had some disagreement over money or food. Both were frugal men, and both thought the other had spent too little on the wedding while they had spent too much.
"It's not so bad." I agreed easily, using my small fist to wipe my eyes and then proceeded to pick up my unfinished pineapple. My brother sighed and I felt him drop to the ground next to me in relief. His teammates had moved to hover next to him and I felt him rest a hand on my head but didn't look up.
"And Kiyoko here...is the good one." He said warmly, ruffling my straight brown hair slightly, "Little bit of a scaredy cat though."
"I don't like the dark," I responded bluntly, scrutinizing a particular blade of grass, and trying to figure out how best to weave it into the others, "You never know what's in it."
A brief silence fell over us.
"That's very true," One of my brother's teammates started, "but that doesn't mean you have to be scared. The same amount of good and bad things exists around you whether you can see them or not. The dark can hide bad things, but it doesn't bring them with it."
I paused in my work briefly, my face blank, as I contemplated this new idea. This strange boy had a point...didn't he? Just because something was in the dark didn't always mean it was a bad something. Just because something was in the light didn't mean it was a good something. After all, just now when the furnace had gone out all the good things that were always there in the light, like Shuro, continued to be there while all the bad things…
Well, there weren't any bad things. Tomoe's wedding only had good things in both the light and the dark.
"As much as I agree with you don't try and get philosophical with her, Hizashi." Shuro dismissed with a chuckle, "She's only a little kid."
"I never thought of that before." I said bluntly, feeling my brother jump in surprise. "That makes sense."
"What!?" Shuro exclaimed and I felt his hand leave my head as he leapt up onto his feet, "You're telling me that's all it took! I've told you that before!" I never recalled Shuro saying something like that to me before. I suppose it was entirely possible and I had disregarded him. It was Shuro after all.
"Maybe..but the way he said it was smart." I told him passively, ignoring the withering glare I got in return.
"I think your little sister just called you dumb, Shuro." The other teammate pointed out cooly.
"Kiyoko...why are you so cold to your big brother?" Shuro asked me despairingly and I refused to look at him, weaving away. I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't think I was being cold. I was just telling him what I thought.
"What are you making?" The boy who pointed out that I'd basically called Shuro dumb asked and, for the first time, I actually looked at the teammates.
I froze.
I quickly took in everything about them, from their height, to their hair and the expressions of their faces. They both had long black hair that they kept away from their face, high cheekbones, and featureless white eyes. They even wore their Konoha forehead protectors the same way, predictably across their forehead. They were identical...like Atsuko and I were.
I'd never seen another set of twins before and I was admittedly star-struck. I couldn't tell them apart and it was both an awkward and intriguing feeling. Is that how people felt when faced with my sister and I side-by-side?
After only a short pause I responded.
"Pineapples." I was a little shocked at their appearance, but I was rather proud of my intricately woven, grass pineapples and that outweighed the shock. I reached down, picked up a completed one, and presented it to the male twin who had asked about them. He politely accepted it although I could see some reluctance on his face at the exchange. I suddenly felt odd for giving a pineapple to one and not the other, so I quickly picked another one up off the ground and handed it to the other twin. He mirrored his brother's expression exactly and I felt my eyes widen in fascination at the act.
For once I was gifted with a glimpse of what it might be like for other people who were suddenly faced with the duality of myself and Atsuko. Did Atsuko and I make facial expressions in unison as well? Did we really look that alike? I knew most people couldn't tell us apart, but I don't think I'd ever really understood why until that moment. I was a child and 'identical' had always just been another adult word I only partially understood. I don't think until that moment I'd fully grasped what that meant...and, on top of that, that there could be more than one set of identical people in the world.
"Do I get one, Kiyo?" Shuro asked excitedly, getting over his funk and appearing to my left. Truthfully, those were the only two I had finished and to be honest I was starting to get bored of weaving them. In response, I silently plopped the unfinished pineapple into his hands.
"Why does mine look so sad!?" My brother exclaimed unhappily.
I ignored him and stood up, lightly brushing some stray blades of grass off my kimono. I stared at the male twins for another long moment, trying to decide whether I should say something and if I did say something...what I would say. Shuro noticed my staring and decided to interject, the half-finished pineapple still cupped in his hands.
"Guess I should have introduced you properly." He admitted sheepishly, "Kiyoko, these are my teammates, Hiashi and Hizashi Hyuuga." He introduced them together like they were a single entity, just like my mother introduced Atsuko and I to new adults. But even though they looked the same...they must be different, right? Just like my twin and I were. If she and I were capable of being different people then they were too, weren't they?
I focused on their pupiless, pearly white eyes and was temporarily distracted from their sameness.
There were a lot of different eyes in this world. I'd seen blue eyes, green eyes, grey eyes and onyx eyes. Eyes that were yellow and once I even saw eyes that glowed red when I happened to see the Police Force make an arrest. My mother's were indigo, my father's were brown. Tomoe's eyes were indigo like my mother's, as were mine and Atsuko's. Shugo's eyes were the only ones I knew to be brown like my father. I didn't know about Fugo's...for all I knew he didn't even have eyes.
In my young life, I hadn't seen eyes like those: white with no pupils. Not yet.
"Why are your eyes strange?" I asked abruptly and Shuro immediately jumped.
"Kiyoko!" He exclaimed, "You can't just ask that! That's rude!"
"It's okay." The first twin assured his teammate. I had elected to call them 'first twin' and 'second twin' as per the order they had spoken to me.
"We're used to it." The second twin confirmed before continuing, "They look different because our eyes are our kekkei genkai."
I stared for a long moment as I tried to digest this information.
"What's that?" I finally questioned, unable to interpret his answer on my own.
"A kekkei genkai is a ninja skill." The first twin elaborated, "It's a ninja skill that runs in families."
I thought about this for a long moment.
"So... it's a ninja skill father, Tomoe and Shuro can't learn?" I omitted Fugo because he hardly seemed relevant.
"Right." Both twins said with a nod.
"Oh." Was all I said in return and I went silent again, still scrutinizing the twins. "Which one are you?"
I pointed at the first twin who looked a little surprised I would ask but answered, "Hizashi."
"So, you're Hiashi?" I inquired, looking at the second twin who nodded.
"Hm. Okay." I said and then I turned to leave, mentally trying to burn which twin was which into my mind.
XxX
Now, looking back on it life moved too quickly and the years bled away before I could comprehend everything that happened to me.
After my nephew, Genma, was born Tomoe withdrew into himself and became just as absent as Fugo. I never saw Tomoe again and I would only see his son years later, when building a relationship with him was a daunting task with little reward.
Eventually, it came time for me to decide whether I would attend the Ninja Academy and become a kunoichi of the leaf. It was a hard decision to ask a child to make and I honestly would have just gone with Atsuko if I hadn't overheard my mother crying in her bedroom late one night. I heard her imploring my father to say no to Atsuko's obvious desire to be a kunoichi - pointing out that she was losing her children one by one. First Fugo left, then Tomoe started signing up for longer missions and Shuro, now a chunin, also rarely visited. She had three sons and they were complete strangers to her.
Her twin daughters, in her mind, were all she had left.
My father refused to keep us from the Ninja Academy if it was our desire and had emphasized heavily the talent that would be wasted if we stayed civilians. After hearing my mother's cries however, I couldn't find it in myself to attend alongside my twin and told my father that I would rather not go. Atsuko had felt betrayed by my choice and she refused to speak to me for almost a year, though she finally got over it once she had established a solid circle of friends.
It wasn't long after Atsuko entered The Academy that Shuro and his teammates were all promoted to jonin. Shuro got it into his head that he was going to join ANBU and track down our oldest brother - he always was an idiot that way. He always seemed to think that Fugo could be found and won over with carefully chosen words and passion. My father tried to talk him out of it, warning him that he prided himself on family too much to waste his time as a ghost, but he didn't listen. My mother cried, he shook off her tears and told her it was going to be alright despite knowing he would probably fail. Despite knowing we would never see him again.
The last day any of us saw Shuro he took the time to walk both Atsuko and I to school - despite them being on opposite sides of the village. After we had dropped off Atsuko, he took my hand and we detoured to an ice cream shop. He bought me a cone, shot me a mischievous grin and with a finger over his lips urged me never to tell my twin about the treat. Then he finished walking me to school, ruffled my hair and was forever gone from my life. My family never saw Shuro again though last I'd heard he was alive.
That was more than I could say for Atsuko.
Tension had been rising between the five Great Shinobi Countries as we entered, what I would reflect on later, as the cusp of the Third Shinobi World War. Missions, even C ranked ones, were becoming more and more dangerous just by the nature of Konohagakure's ever-growing list of enemies.
Atsuko became a genin in 1442 and was dead within a year.
I didn't know the details, they never share the details when someone is KIA, but it was a C ranked mission that went horribly wrong. Two of the three genin, Atsuko included, were killed alongside their sensei and the one who survived would never walk again. I found myself hoping that whichever faction had been responsible for killing Atsuko had been merciful enough to make it quick. She was only a kid, after all, and she was obviously killed to make a statement since there was no way she knew anything worthwhile.
I doubted it was Kumogakure since their Raikage was a straightforward sort or Sunagakure since they had better ways of making a statement then killing genin. I'd always had my unconfirmed suspicions that Kusagakure was to blame. I learned as I got older that they were a small ninja village and the only way they could get any attention was to make big statements - like killing children.
Who killed my sister would always be a mystery and while I had my suspicions, there was a part of me that didn't want to know. What purpose did I have in knowing? Would it somehow make me feel better? No. Was there a way for me to avenge her? No.
With Fugo and Shuro absorbed into the entity known as ANBU, Tomoe off raising his son and Atsuko KIA before she had even reached her prime, I was all that was left. That was a crushing realization for someone who was only twelve years old - pushing thirteen in a few months.
The first time I really missed Shuro was at Atsuko's burial. Her body had been retrieved and we buried her within a week, in the spring. The plot my family had chosen was in an old graveyard which had once belonged to an extinct clan, the Hanabachiro clan, though now it housed countless Senju headstones. My father had served Lord Second in his youth and this was one of his rewards - to have his family buried amongst the Senju Clan.
It was hard for me to see Atsuko's corpse, her face identical to my own closed for eternity. I waited until everyone else was gone before I moved to see her. When I got close to the casket, I remember bile rising in my throat, my hands trembled as I moved them closer to place the lily I'd carried and I froze in sudden terror. Was this what I would look like when I was dead? Yes. I didn't even have to ask - that was exactly what I would look like when I died.
Despite my attempts, the best I could manage was to drop the white flower like it had burned me and I mentally apologized to Atsuko for my weakness. I should have placed it with care, but I could barely manage the way I threw it down. I didn't pray like I was supposed to or even give my sister's soul a second thought. I just wanted to leave. I staggered backwards from the casket, unaware of my surroundings, and in that instant found myself up against another person.
I stilled.
I was ashamed that someone had seen me like this - seen my cowardice. Seen my inability to cope with the image of myself laying in a casket for the sake of my sister. It took me longer than I should have but I looked over my shoulder and up at the face of the intruder.
Hizashi Hyuuga looked back at me passively.
I'd never associated closely with my brother's teammates, but I had done my best to learn to tell the twins apart. The older Hiashi was soft and gentle, always asking if people were okay and going out of his way to accommodate others. Hizashi, the younger of the twins, was sterner than his older brother which was shaped by what I could only describe as years of carefully concealed bitterness. Bitterness at what I wouldn't learn until years later but just because I didn't know the source didn't mean it was hidden from me.
I watched silently as he bent over me to pick up the very lily I had just discarded and silently gave it back to me. I took it without a word, watching as his hands then maneuvered over mine to hold them steady. He forced them to lower the flower back to Atsuko's body, then he held my trembling hands until they stopped long enough for me to clap them together in silent prayer. When he was sure I was calm, he changed his position to stand beside me and mimicked my stance - both of us praying for Atsuko's safe passage to The Pure Land.
We stayed like that for several long minutes until eventually we both shifted and without a word, I turned to walk away from Hizashi.
"You would have regretted it...if I'd let you leave things that way." The younger Hyuuga twin's words echoed around the empty graveyard and I knew he was right. I would've only realized too late that because of my own selfishness I hadn't even prayed for my twin's soul. It would've haunted me.
I stopped and looked back at him, taking in his pearly eyes and hardened features.
"I know." I conceded cooly, looking away soon after, "Thank you."
At seventeen his face was already maturing with experience as a shinobi and a clan leader's son. Last year Hizashi had taken on the hard task of governing the Hyuuga branch clan which meant that, except for missions, he was rarely seen beyond his own compound. The graveyard we were currently in was in the Imai District, near the Hyuuga compounds, so I imagined he'd seen the funeral procession go by and had followed.
I listened as his footsteps approached, likely heavier than normal for my benefit, as he closed the gap between us.
"I didn't want to be disrespectful, so I kept my distance. I wondered if-" He cut himself off and I heard the hesitation in his voice. He'd wondered if the body in the casket was Shuro's. I sent him a knowing look, trying to silently let him know that he didn't need to say it aloud. It would've been a wild guess, since those who died in ANBU never had their bodies retrieved, but he was obviously worried about his old teammate and wondered where he was. I imagine if the body had been Shuro's, Hizashi would have almost felt relief. Not knowing at all hurt more than knowing the worst. "I would've used my Byakugan but it's only for the living. When I saw your reaction though, even from afar, I knew it wasn't him."
"I'm the only one left." I felt myself saying, though more to myself then Hizashi. "Atsuko...Fugo...Shuro...Tomoe is alive but it's like he isn't even family anymore."
I sighed and brought a hand up so that I could stare at it absently, tracing the lines in my palm.
"So, I'm all that's left...and it's lonely." It was embarrassing to admit but it was the truth. In that moment I suddenly felt an overwhelming loneliness at the realization that all my siblings were gone. One way or another they were gone. My parents had a few more years left if my father wasn't KIA but once my mother was gone...then what? Thanks to Tomoe's strange behaviour my own nephew, the one most likely to be left, was a stranger and changing that was a near impossibility. How many years would it take before I was all alone? Ten? Fifteen?
Would I live and die alone?
I missed Shuro. With Atsuko gone he was the only one who could chase away this deep-seated fear of loneliness I had. Hizashi's hand came to rest comfortingly on my shoulder and he clenched it tightly after a moment. Reminding me he was there.
I didn't exactly understand the relationship between ninja teammates, but the way Atsuko had described it, it was a deep seated bond like few others. Much like family...if not stronger in my broken one's case.
Maybe that's why Fugo and Tomoe were so messed up. Our parents hadn't been overly close with us nor had my father demanded it of us. Fugo had been so talented he'd never had teammates, never formed close bonds, and Tomoe's teammates had been rotated out almost monthly since they couldn't keep up with his quick development. Lord Third had been convinced that he needed more of a challenge, so they put him with older genin or even sometimes chunin, but never the same ones for long.
They didn't know how to be close to other people and, if I was being honest, besides Shuro and Atsuko neither did I. But they had known how and Hizashi was demonstrating that now by going out of his way to comfort me. He was doing so on my older brother's behalf.
"You won't be alone, Kiyoko."
xXx
When the Third Shinobi World War started, on June 24th, 1444, I was thirteen years old - soon to be fourteen - and I remember the announcement like it was yesterday.
I had been in class, learning about Lord Second's development of the public-school system, when the principal came in to speak with my teacher. They discussed something in hushed tones before nodding at each other, seeming to decide something. When I reflected on it they were likely deciding whether the class of young teenagers was old enough to hear the news firsthand...or whether it should wait until we got home. They had decided that we were old enough and my teacher commanded our attention, before going to help the principal wheel in a large radio. The radio was rarely bought into class - we only usually saw it when they were doing a program of a book we were reading.
The class erupted into excited chatter, clearly thinking that we were going to get to listen to a program as a treat, but something about my teacher's body language kept me silent. I knew something was happening though I didn't know exactly what.
"Quiet!" The teacher shouted, the unexpected vitriol stopping the students immediately. The teacher had never yelled at us like that before. "Lord Hokage is going to make an announcement and you're all going to listen respectfully. Understand?"
You could've heard a pin drop.
Lord Hokage was going to make an announcement? They were going to broadcast it on the radio? Even a group of civilian teenagers knew that meant it had to be something very important, so we stilled. I barely remember his speech. It had been rather long winded as he'd gone over each event that had finally led to this decision.
What I did remember was the way his voice had crackled through the speakers as he'd finished - his voice a plea for us all to be resilient in the days ahead.
"As of now, we, of The Leaf, are at war with the rest of the world. We have no allies beyond these walls, and it is with sadness I inform you that it will be this way for some time. We will show them our Will of Fire, all of us, civilian and ninja alike. We have only each other and we will emerge from these dark days stronger than ever before!"
They graduated all civilians thirteen and older a week following the announcement so that we could enter the workforce. More hands would be needed, they said, to produce more supplies to keep our ninja in the field. Food, weapons, paper bombs, bandages...you name it suddenly it was in short supply.
I wasn't sure how he'd done it but instead of finding myself working in the factories, my father had found me a position at the Civil Affairs Office. Founded by Lord Second, the office handled all the documentation and procedures that the village needed to function. Our biggest need, however, was in the Registrations Department. There was a never-ending stream of birth, marriage and death certificates, as well as Declarations of Paternity. The war had brought with it a massive baby boom as shinobi realizing their increased risk of dying rushed to carry on their lines - some through proper marriages and some just through pregnancies. So, it was to Registrations that the new blood had been sent. The department became a flurry of old women fighting constantly with round-faced, young teenagers who were not happy to be there.
All women that worked in the office dressed the same: in dark grey or black skirt-suits, comfortable heels and with your hair pulled up into a bun. The restrictive dress earned nothing but complaints from the young girls that worked there but they were informed if they had a problem with it, the factories would be happy to take them. That was enough to shut them up.
I didn't mind the uniform - in fact I almost preferred it to having to figure out what was appropriate to wear into the office each day. Especially with new clothing so difficult to come by.
The work was methodical, so I found it almost comforting and preferred to do the job that had been assigned to me rather than fighting with the older staff. It was there, contentedly doing my work, that I met my first and only friend.
Yuzuha Nara.
She was my age and the daughter of the head of the Nara Clan and since we'd been assigned to sit next to one another we talked while we worked. She was a very open individual and within a few months there was very little that I didn't know about her. She informed me that she had gone to the other civilian public school in the village which was why we had never met. I supposed that made sense. The Nara Clan compound was near the Harashi District which was where the other school was located.
I liked Yuzuha.
Unlike a lot of the other girls, she knew what it was like to be from a ninja family and I enjoyed hearing her talk about her brother - the two of them were remarkably close. She and Shikaku were like siblings ought to be and I found myself almost living vicariously through their bond. Over time I'd learned that she'd been betrothed up until earlier in the year when her fiance was killed. He was one of the Akimichi Clan heads' sons and so his death had been one of the many turning points that had led to the start of the war.
I had gotten into the habit of walking home with Yuzuha, since she would need to walk past my house to get to her compound, and it was on one of those days that Hizashi visited.
As we approached my house, I could make out the form of my father standing on the front step with an ugly look on his face and a younger man facing him. I didn't realize it was Hizashi at first especially with the uncharacteristically cold way my father was treating him. My father had always liked the Hyuuga twins since they were close friends of Shuro's and were so polite.
It was Yuzuha who distinguished him as we both came to a stop on the street, out of the two men's earshot.
"Isn't that one of the Hyuuga twins?" She asked me, raising an eyebrow and waiting for me to respond.
"You know them?" I returned. It wasn't completely unreasonable that Yuzuha would know who they were but being able to figure out who they were from a distance suggested familiarity.
"Yeah, we do business with them all the time. The twins' mother is very sick but alive and has been like that for years. Whatever disease she has even Lady Tsunade can't cure but it doesn't kill her...just makes her linger. Honestly, it sounds terrible. One or the other is always coming by the compound to get her medicine - for some reason they insist on doing it themselves instead of sending a clansman." She explained, "How does your dad know them?"
"They were my brother's teammates," I told her, almost absently as I watched the two men interact. My father seemed to be getting more agitated by the second and I couldn't see Hizashi's face, but his posture was rigid. Whatever they were disagreeing about...it had to be important. "But honestly...I haven't seen them in years."
I hadn't seen Hizashi in the last two years. The last time had been when he'd helped me gain the courage to give Atsuko a proper send off.
"Huh, weird. Your dad looks mad." She pointed out, her mouth twisting into a poorly concealed frown. "Maybe uh...maybe I should leave you here…"
She trailed off and I knew why. She didn't want to leave me behind, but she was clearly getting the same impression I was. Whatever my father and Hizashi were arguing about probably wasn't suited to my ears, let alone someone like Yuzuha who wasn't even family. I would probably only agitate the situation further by arriving and to arrive with her in tow too? It just wasn't a good idea.
"Yeah, you're right." I agreed and gave her what I hoped was a reassuring smile. My face was typically a passive mask, so this took a lot of effort for me. She slapped my shoulder and quickly turned on her heel, obviously wanting to detour around the street so she wouldn't be spotted.
"See you tomorrow!" She called, her spiky black hair, fought poorly into a bun, bobbed as she retreated.
I slowly walked up to the house; my eyes trained on the two men. My father spotted me first and I watched his face slacken but the way Hizashi's shoulders relaxed indicated he'd heard my approach long ago.
"Evening, dad." I greeted him and when the younger man's pearly eyes turned to meet mine, I nodded at him as well, "Hizashi."
"Kiyoko…" My father returned and he trailed off. That's when I noticed how intently he was staring at me - his eyes filled with guilt? What did my father have to be guilty about? "We need to speak inside."
"Naturally," I quipped, indigo eyes sliding between the two men, "most people don't have conversations on front stoops."
My father had the sense to look embarrassed before he reached behind him and opened the door, letting myself and Hizashi in. There was a tension between them that was so thick I could've cut it with a knife, and I swallowed in discomfort. I entered first, Hizashi behind me and my father followed slowly after us, clearly struggling with the urge to slam the door. When we entered the house, we were greeted with our dated kitchen and a round, four person table. I slid off my shoes and moved towards the counter intent on doing what my mother had always taught me to do when we had guests. Make tea.
My mother was nowhere to be seen but that wasn't unusual. She had taken a job helping manufacture kunai at the village smithy, so she was often home late in the night. The war had only been going on for four months but already our lives had been drastically altered by it.
"Hizashi, tea?" I didn't bother to ask my father because he always wanted tea but I wasn't sure how long the Hyuuga man would be staying.
"Thank you, Kiyoko, but I won't be staying long." The man's collected voice came from behind me.
I heard my father's mismatched gait as he limped towards the table and lowered himself down into a seat, Hizashi soon joining him. My father had been injured on a mission a few weeks ago, his age finally getting the best of him and causing him to make a crucial mistake. Thankfully no one had died but my father had admitted his leg would never be the same. He no longer had full use of it. I knew in my heart what that meant.
Kigo Shiranui would no longer be able to take missions but with martial law in effect he was not able to retire either, so it was up to my mother and I to support our family. It would be easier if martial law didn't also mean that most of our work for the village was voluntary.
During wars, the village operated on a stipend system - everyone no matter how much they worked received the same amount every month if they worked. By using a stipend system, the village was able to have the largest workforce possible while not having to pay anyone a regular wage.
This had not been an issue during the First Shinobi World War nor the Second due to the fact that they had each barely lasted a couple of months. They had been quick and violent wars that the economy had easily recovered from.
But with the Third War already four months long, with no sign of slowing down, there was whispers that it might last years. Like the conflicts during the Warring States Era.
What would happen to us if that were the case?
All I knew was that we would struggle, likely for the rest of the war, unless there was a miracle and Shuro or Tomoe came back to help support us. I didn't bother thinking Fugo would come back. There was no chance of that.
I knew my father had attempted to reach out to Tomoe when he'd gotten out of the hospital, but he'd been ignored. Shuro, on the other hand, my father couldn't even find and when he spoke to Lord Hokage about finding him he had been dismissed. All Lord Third said was that Shuro had gone away on an important mission and was unlikely to be back anytime soon - he would be gone for years if all went well. On one hand, it was nice to know Shuro was alive, but he wouldn't be returning to help us either.
Once the tea was done, I brought two cups and the pot with me to the table. Gently pouring one for my father and myself. The three of us lapsed into awkward silence for a few minutes as my father and I blew on our tea. It was only after we took our first sips that my father began.
"Kiyoko, you know that we will soon be destitute." It was just like my father to say terrible things bluntly and I wasn't sure whether to be relieved by his honesty or concerned. I didn't say anything, just sipped my tea and closed my eyes. I knew it just as plainly as I knew the sky was blue, but it was hard to hear my father say it.
I nodded to show him that I understood though I did my best to keep my expression level.
"I failed as a father." He stated, his voice level despite his self-deprecating words, "I didn't keep my sons close enough and they abandoned me when I needed them most. We could've been a clan by now, made stronger by hardships since we would be there to support one another. Instead we are tatters of what was once a family cast to the wind. You're the only one I have left...and you suffer for it."
I opened my eyes and looked at my father, fighting a frown the entire time. I never considered myself to be suffering because of my sibling's absence. A little lonely perhaps, overworked maybe, but not suffering. Even that was only because of the war - without the war my father would be entitled to a pension and I would be entitled to pay that was equivalent to my work.
"You didn't fail, and I don't suffer." I argued, pursing my lips in his direction to show I was displeased. "My brothers are grown men who chose their paths - it has little to do with you."
I chose to stay after all and that had to demonstrate quite thoroughly that family loyalty was a choice. A choice my brothers didn't make, and one Atsuko didn't live long enough to make. Perhaps the way my father raised us wasn't perfect, but he didn't deserve to be abandoned the way he had been. It wasn't as if he didn't love us.
My father didn't bother to continue fightinh with me and sipped at his tea, his eyes moving to look at the Hyuuga branch clan leader.
"Your parents will stand a better chance of surviving this war without you in the household." Hizashi told me as if he was commenting on the weather and I took exception to the way he said it. "Your stipend isn't enough to contribute to the extra costs you living here incurs."
I wasn't entirely sure why, but I felt offended and put my teacup down. He wasn't wrong but I didn't like hearing it. Without my father's jonin pay, my mother's stipends barely covered the cost of the house let alone food and other necessities - like the pain medication my father now needed for his leg. My presence was almost more of a hindrance when you considered that even the meager amount of food I ate...would soon be too much.
"How is that any of your business, Hizashi?" I questioned, directing my glare at the wooden surface of the table.
"That's exactly what your father said earlier." He commented lightly and I was forced to look up.
"And what did you tell him?"
"I told him it was my business because I have a solution." He said intently, staring firmly into my eyes.
"What would that be?" I was genuinely curious. I'd thought about this issue several times ever since my father had been hurt and I'd never managed to come up with a solution.
"I'm going to take you into the Hyuuga branch clan." Hizashi informed me and seeing my confused look, continued, "It's the least I could do for Shuro's family."
There had to be more to it than that. It seemed too good to be true and nothing Hizashi said would get animosity from my father - it sounded like a gift. I could go live with the Hyuuga clan and since the clan had more than enough wealth to support an extra mouth my stipend could still go to my parents. They would have the benefits of me living with them without any of the drawbacks. We weren't far from the Imai District either, so I could even still come to help my mother with her chores after work.
"Is it that easy?" I started, a little hesitant at the offer. It was just too good. "Can people just...join the clan?"
My father fidgeted and the tension that had been slowly dissipating returned.
"No, they can't." Hizashi admitted and for the first time I saw him become unsure of himself, his brow coming together tightly.
"So how-?"
"You would have to marry Hizashi." My father interrupted me, clearly tired of the conversation's slow pace.
Marry...Hizashi…?
Hizashi?
I couldn't help the startled look that crossed my face as I snapped my eyes to look at Hizashi's face. Trying to figure out where his mind was - our age gap was significant enough that I was concerned. I was fourteen and he was nineteen. I wouldn't be an adult for another two years so while child marriages weren't unheard of, especially with clans, it would be frowned upon.
Frowned upon mostly because not only was I underage but Hizashi had known me in my childhood. Marrying complete strangers when one was under sixteen was still bad but less...creepy. At least then you knew for sure that the older of the two hadn't been planning it for years, grooming the younger into their ideal object of desire.
My mind suddenly flashing through every memory I had ever had of him, trying to figure out if there was even one instance where he had been too friendly. He and his brother had been kind to me, on the rare occasions we interacted, but he had never purposefully seeked me out nor had he ever touched me inappropriately.
I searched for a long time for anything nefarious that indicated he'd planned this and I found none.
Even now his look was sincere, holding only an offer of help and friendship behind his typical stony expression. He really was doing this for Shuro and he'd settled on marriage because it was the only thing he could do. He couldn't just give us money because his wealth belonged to the clan and in troubled times, they probably wouldn't have allowed an act of charity. Not to a random family anyway. The soft-hearted Hiashi had probably already tried that request and been shot down.
So, instead, Hizashi was offering to bring me into the clan the only way he could. Marriage.
"People will talk." My father began, his face going slightly red as he suppressed his outrage at the topic.
"I know which is why when Hiashi thought of it...I offered to do it instead." Hizashi told my father, "Fewer people care about the scandals of the branch clan and I have more freedom over who I can marry. Already, Hiashi is being pressured to have an heir but I have been forgotten. Soon, as the war rages on, this unorthodox marriage will be forgotten as well. Our lives will be peaceful, Kigo, I can promise that."
I didn't like that Hizashi was talking as if I had already agreed to marry him but even that thought gave me pause. Marrying Hizashi would, ultimately, be best and there wasn't much I could do to argue that. He painted a pretty picture.
I would live well, surrounded by a clan to keep me fed who expected nothing from me except the occasional domestic chore. Maybe they would even accept me as family in their hearts. We would not be scrutinized, at least not after the shock of our marriage had worn off, and I would live out my days how I pleased.
Most importantly, by allowing myself to be absorbed into the Hyuuga clan my parents would have a better life.
"You're sure you won't be pressured for an heir?" My father interrogated the other man, "I won't have my daughter touched by you or anyone before her sixteenth birthday."
I fought the blush that was rising to my cheeks while the two men talked about me...having sex...with Hizashi. My stomach was queasy at the very thought of having intercourse with anyone, let alone Hizashi. The thought that the reason for it would be because he needed an heir just made it all worse. I really was not ready to have a child of my own anytime soon.
"I am forbidden to have children before my brother, as he is the future head of the main branch, and he is far from marriage right now. He does not wish to be rushed in choosing his future bride and my father has given him that freedom; though since the war has started, I'm sure he regrets that decision."
"You're sure." My father emphasized, his eyes intense.
"Yes, Kigo, I'm certain. Hiashi and I would not have considered this offer otherwise." Hizashi responded, his voice steady further proving his point.
"What about when you do need an heir?" My father snapped, his tone not hiding his displeasure at the thought that I might be forced to have children. I stayed silent but I was also wondering. Hizashi was willing to enter a loveless marriage with me and, when it was appropriate, have children with me. However, the power to refuse would always be in my hands because I knew he would never lay a hand on me against my will.
"That will always be Kiyoko's decision." Hizashi started, pearly eyes moving to meet mine, "You will live in comfort all your life regardless, I swear."
"As is this." My father finally seemed to remember I was there and turned in his seat slightly so he could get a more direct look at me, "Kiyoko - you can say no."
I could say no but we both knew I wouldn't because saying yes was practical.
