Civil Affairs Narutoverse - The World Where Neji Lived - PART V
The world still spun at the same rotation without Hizashi's presence – the only difference was that my place within the clan had changed.
I was still Lady Hyuuga and, as my son was a child and my husband dead, I became the de facto head of the Hyuuga Branch clan. Despite my years there I previously had very little involvement in clan matters, most of it being handled by Hizashi, and I had never made any decisions about the branch clan in my life.
I had run the household; hired servants, chosen flowers for the garden, cared for Hizashi's mother, made the servant's schedules, planned parties…those sorts of things. I had never dealt with clan salaries, disputes, or ninja inquiries.
I had gone into work like usual the day after my husband's death, content to bury myself in work and do my best to distract from the tragedy. It wasn't the healthiest course of action…but it was all I knew.
I had been shocked when a clansmen had arrived in my office at the CAO asking about a clan matter.
Apparently, there was an internal mission roster that indicated whether a clansmen could tell the village they were mission ready. This was done so that, at no time, was there ever a risk of the compound being without capable ninja.
He wanted to know if it was his turn to be rotated out.
I wanted to know why he was asking me.
Which is when I got the jarring news that I was now the head of the branch clan.
I went immediately to The Director's office and told her that something urgent had come up because of my husband's passing. She, of course, told me to take all the time I needed which I had expected. Who tells a widow that she can't take time off just a day after her husband's death? In hindsight, the woman was probably shocked that I had shown up at all.
I went immediately to the main estate and demanded to speak with Hiashi who was quick to appear. Unfortunately, his father came with him. While I held no resentment towards either of them, Hizashi's death had been his own choice, Lord Elder had a nasty habit of making things more difficult than they needed to be. In most cases I agreed with him but in the rare case I didn't he was a nightmare to persuade.
It was then I realized I hadn't planned an agenda when I'd come looking for Hiashi. I hadn't seen him in nearly a week, well before Hizashi's death, and he had not come to see me last night when I was mourning. I hadn't realized how much seeing Hiashi would affect me – my heart leapt into my throat and I visibly recoiled at the sight of him. Maybe it was because I was a twin myself or maybe it was because I was in love with one twin and not the other…but they had never looked the same to me. I had never mistaken Hizashi and Hiashi for one another.
Yet, in that moment, I thought I was staring at my husband.
It soon passed and took my shock with it, but it was too late. The two men had seen it. Lord Elder sent me a pitying look and Hiashi looked heart-broken; in his mind, among his misplaced guilt, now nestled the knowledge that his brother's widow could barely look at him. His friend could barely look at him.
The twins' father was the first to speak.
"Kiyoko, it's too soon. You should be at home with your son." He wasn't wrong but the implication that my husband's death made me an invalid didn't sit right with me. I schooled my expression carefully – reminding myself not for the first nor last time that composure was all I had left.
I reminded myself of the clansmen and the fact that even if I did go home, I wouldn't be left in peace.
"I need to speak with you about my clan duties." I explained, still having to avoid Hiashi's gaze, "and my place here among the Hyuuga. I didn't really think about it at first, but it's been brought to my attention that my responsibilities may have changed."
Lord Elder let out a heavy sigh, a wordless acknowledgement that what I had said was what he wanted to avoid. He seemed ready to tell me to go home once more but was stopped by Hiashi.
"Please, Father," The clan head began, his expression conflicted, "we all need to discuss what has happened. It's foolish not to…and if Kiyoko feels she is ready to discuss these matters then that is her decision."
He emphasized 'all', indicating to me that he likely had some questions himself that his father had been refusing to answer. I nodded in thanks at Hiashi, though I found that the closest I could come to looking him in the eye was staring intently at his chin. At least then it gave the false impression that I was able to look at his face.
"Very well." The elderly man sighed and for the first time since I'd met him, he seemed…tired.
With little else to say standing in the hall, the old man turned and led us towards where I knew the main estate's meeting room was. Hiashi fell in step beside me. I could feel him shooting tentative glances in my direction, feel his pearly eyes on me, but I couldn't bring myself to acknowledge him. I knew soft-hearted Hiashi would be hurt by my behavior, but I just couldn't bring myself to give him what he wanted. What he needed.
I would focus on mending our relationship later.
Once we had reached the meeting room we sat in silence for a long time, watching as the elder rifled through some documents in a file folder and called for tea. After thirty minutes we were settled and ready to speak.
"The first thing I want to address is Neji." The elder told us plainly, "I have a scroll here for him – written by Hizashi to be given to him when he is older. I have decided to entrust it to you, Hiashi."
The twins' father reached into his robes and emerged with said scroll, sliding it across the low table towards his remaining son.
There was visible surprise on the clan head's face when he was told this which was the opposite of how I felt. I had a feeling this scroll had something to do with the explanation of his death and Hizashi had already told me he'd entrusted that duty to his father. He had already told me he hadn't wanted me involved in such things.
Hiashi stared down at the scroll addressed with his brother's handwriting in shock.
"Doesn't this rightfully go to Kiyoko?" He questioned, looking between me and his father.
"No." I replied bluntly, careful not to show any emotion, "Hizashi made it quite clear I was to leave explaining everything that's happened in your father's capable hands. They discussed it at length. If Lord Elder believes you are the best person to entrust the scroll to then I trust his judgement."
The twins' father said nothing but nodded in my direction appreciatively, likely happy I wasn't taking Hiashi's side against him.
"There is one more thing about Neji that I must address before we move on." There was more hesitation in the elder's voice this time and I felt my gut clench at his indecision. For Lord Elder to hesitate meant something was about to upset either myself or Hiashi greatly.
"Before he passed away, Hizashi signed away his parental rights…to you, Hiashi." I did my best not to react to that. I didn't know exactly what the elder had meant by that statement – it might not be as bad as it sounded.
"What?" Hiashi sounded both shocked and appalled, his face darting between the other two people in the room. He clearly didn't like the sound of that. "I didn't sign anything! Surely, Father, you don't expect me to take Kiyoko's son away!"
I felt sick to my stomach as the man voiced my worst fears, the conclusion I had been desperately trying not to jump to.
"Calm yourself, Hiashi." His father urged, "That was not mine nor Hizashi's intention when that decision was made."
"Please explain, Lord Elder." I wanted him to explain what Hizashi's intentions were. Part of me wondered why my husband hadn't bothered to warn me of this but there was no sense feeling angry with a dead man. Especially not one who had so much to think about in so little time.
"This only means that you can share custody of Neji with Hiashi. It is only a precaution, Kiyoko. Hizashi believed that you might need help with the boy and Hiashi having the legal right to help you will make things easier." It was rare I had heard the man's soothing tone, he usually only reserved it for his grandchildren, but now he was using it on me. "Neji will be beginning at The Academy soon and having Hiashi deal with those matters on your behalf might be best."
I knew that was true. I didn't know the first thing about being a ninja – if I ever needed to step in and speak to a teacher or was approached about homework, I would have no idea.
"That's not-" Whatever protest Hiashi had died on his lips and he looked down at his lap in contemplation.
"Of course, you can refuse," The elder began and Hiashi looked up at him hopefully, "I have the documents signed by Hizashi before he passed away, but they still require both your signatures to be valid."
"They're not signing away my rights…just Hizashi's?" I reiterated, wanting to make sure I understood. This was not to remove my parental rights only to share them with Hiashi so that Neji could have more support.
The Elder nodded at me but didn't say anything. I glanced at Hiashi who had returned his fixation to the scroll on the table in front of him.
The truth was that I was a weak parent. I would need the extra support with raising Neji, especially with the new baby, and Hizashi had known that. He was dead and he was still taking care of us.
"I'm responsible for my brother's death…and you ask me to raise his son in his place? Even on paper…to take away his rights. It's an insult to him and Kiyoko, I can't-" I cut the man off.
In his final hours this was the decision that Hizashi had made. He wouldn't be so petty as to be insulted by his brother taking on a father-role for Neji if it were what he had planned. Besides, even if he was insulted…he was dead.
"Hiashi…it's fine." I assured him, looking into his eyes for the first time since I'd arrived. It was brief but I managed it. I needed him to know that I meant what I had said. I paused for a moment before I brought my hand to my still flat abdomen. If I was going to get Hiashi to agree I would need to confess to something that everyone in the clan secretly knew; that I was not a good parent. That I didn't know what I was doing. That I had needed Hizashi and that everything Neji was and could become was Hizashi.
"I couldn't have raised Neji without Hizashi: he always was the stronger parent. Always so sure of himself – even now, when he's not with us, he's still a better parent then me. I-I never know what to do with my son or how to care for him and now…"
I swallowed.
"-now I'm pregnant again and Hizashi is gone. I don't know what to do. Not for Neji, not for the new baby…" I took a breath to look into the shocked eyes of the Lord Elder and Hiashi. Even without the shocking pregnancy announcement this was the most I had ever talked to either of them. I could see them both struggling with this and my blatant disregard of my pride for the sake of my children. "I'm not a good parent but I love Neji more then anything in this world and I'm acknowledging that I can't give him what he needs on my own. I don't want to lose him to my own incompetence. Please, Hiashi, help me."
Somewhere throughout my tangent I had subconsciously moved so that I was facing Hiashi and I instinctively went into the traditional bow often used in the clan. It was typically used when begging for forgiveness but in that moment, I knew it was equally suited to begging for aid…while simultaneously apologizing for your own incompetence.
I was sorry. Sorry that Hiashi had to help me. Sorry that I couldn't handle this on my own.
In that moment, with my forehead pressed flush to the cold floor, I felt more naked and vulnerable then ever in my life. I had never shared that much information about the workings of my mind before with anyone but Hizashi. Not even my own twin had been privy to those sorts of debilitating thoughts. But I needed Hiashi to hear them…I needed him to understand.
This wasn't about Hizashi, or me, or him. It wasn't about the pride of adults, misplaced guilt or insulting the dead.
"It's because Hiashi's my brother, I love him, and I will die to save him. Just as I will die to save Neji from a life governed by war. Just as I will die to save you and the child you carry."
This was about love and what you were willing to do for it.
This was about making hard choices for that love.
This was about Neji.
XxX
Shortly after that Hiashi had rushed to help me up from the floor and had signed the documents without protest. I had won him over, as I knew I would, soft-hearted as he was.
The rest of the meeting was about what had initially brought me to the main estate. Lord Elder didn't want me to maintain control of the branch clan and had expressed as much, but Hiashi's opinion differed. Lord Elder believed that since I was not born a Hyuuga and was not a kunoichi, the clan would suffer with me in the position. He suggested that there was too much I wouldn't be able to understand about the tasks I would be given.
Hiashi, on the other hand, said that was false. He compared the position to any other desk job and said that it was just paperwork one needed no understanding of byakugan or ninjutsu to perform. If the person understood the inner workings of the clan, and the politics involved, they would be able to do the job quite capably. He believed I would excel in the role of head of the branch clan, given my organized nature and experience working at the CAO.
No one even asked me if I wanted to be head of the branch clan. Which was probably for the best because I didn't know the answer myself.
In the end, Hiashi won the debate and I become the head of the Hyuuga Branch Clan under the condition that I would be initially under the strict supervision of Lord Elder. It had given me a tangled web of emotions in my gut at having my husbands former position within the clan.
It didn't really matter, Hizashi wouldn't have cared either way. I knew because he hadn't made plans for anyone to succeed him besides me – his father wouldn't have disallowed him anything in the few hours leading up to his death.
It wasn't until years later that Hiashi had confessed he'd wanted me to take the position only so he could keep an eye on me. With Neji partially in Hiashi's legal care, no Hyuuga-born husband and no duties within the clan I could have left altogether. It was my right as far as the Hyuuga were concerned and in some cases even expected of me. Non-Hyuuga widows almost never remained in the clan: they almost always left to seek out another life and left their children behind. If I had a duty to the clan still, Hiashi didn't have to worry about me leaving my children or getting remarried, and I could stay close. After all, not only did he feel he owed my safety and happiness to his own brother…but to mine as well.
It had been so long that sometimes I forgot why Hizashi had felt obligated to marry me in the first place. But apparently Hiashi hadn't forgotten.
His loyalty to Shuro was still unwavering as was his guilt for Hizashi's death.
It was all temporary anyway. Once Neji turned sixteen he would take his rightful place as leader of the Hyuuga branch clan.
I soon came to learn that being a clan head was, like Hiashi had claimed, very much like any other desk job. Every morning I would wake up to mountains of paperwork, some important and some just as redundant as could be. After I came home from the CAO, I would spend all my free time doing it, occasionally with a question for Lord Elder, and then I would go to bed.
Neji and I didn't have our talks after dinner anymore…mostly because I didn't have time for dinner.
I spent a couple months like that, run ragged and tired, before I made the very difficult decision to quit my job at the CAO in favor of the clan head's job. I had been trying to do both, but it was near impossible with the sheer overwhelming amount of work involved in both jobs. It hadn't helped that those at the CAO had gotten used to dumping their extra work off with me, since I never minded, but now those extra hours I would have typically used were precious.
I remember staring into the mirror blankly one morning, contemplating the bags under my eyes, when I noticed that I was stressed for the first time in my life. It was awful – hot and painful – it sunk into my very bones and made everything ache with exhaustion. I felt drained. Unhealthy. My eyes drifted down to my stomach, where my baby was growing, the bump finally becoming obvious. That made my decision for me: I couldn't allow myself to feel this way anymore or I could hurt the baby. I wouldn't risk losing my child to stress.
Over the many years I had spent within the clan, I had been indoctrinated into their mindset that family came first above all. Even the village. So, when the decision had to be made, I chose the Hyuuga clan.
The large benefit was that I could resume my time spent in the evenings with Neji. At first, I had worried that his father's death had fundamentally broken the already weak bond we shared. However, that first night when I'd informed him that we could resume spending time together, my son had surprised me. For the first time in months his eyes had lit up, though just slightly.
Our talks resumed, our time together returning to the way it had been, though Neji talked more then he used to. At first, I thought that he was lonely with his father's death and I had become his only outlet. I figured out after a few months that with his father gone Neji had by default grown closer to his only remaining parent.
That was only partially true.
Years later, while watching him fight a loud boy in an orange jumpsuit, I would learn that he considered his mother a victim of the Hyuuga clan. He saw my position within the clan not as a chosen one of solidarity but as servitude.
In Neji's mind they had branded my son, killed my husband, and then insulted me by forcing me to linger among them in service. If he had ever asked me, I would've told him that I had chosen this life over the alternative. It was true that Hiashi had been attempting to make it harder for me to leave but I honestly believed that, given the choice, I would not have left the clan. If I really had wanted to, I could have refused Hiashi that day and he would've found a way for me to live a comfortable life elsewhere.
However, something told me that Neji would have refused to understand that.
The person Neji became in the years following his father's death was just as bitter as Hizashi had ever been, perhaps more so. Reason would not have come easy to him: perhaps my assurance that I had chosen this life would have only angered him and villainized the clan more. To the person he was then I ran the risk of coming across as manipulated by the clan rather then one who had long since accepted my fate.
He had decided that he was my protector and while this had improved my relationship with him, giving me an unearned pedestal within his mind, it worsened his relationship with his uncle.
Hiashi loved Neji deeply but the boy would do everything and anything to avoid him. They trained together often but beyond that each attempt at connecting with the boy was rebuked.
On July 20th, 1460, the twins were born.
Neji's seventh birthday had just come and gone mere weeks before. He welcomed his siblings with quiet enthusiasm, but I could see the love in his eyes when he looked at them. Of course, if I had been looking for some final reminder of Hizashi the twins' birth would have been a disappointment. His words, that boys looked like their mother and girls like their father, were proven wrong by the twins. Both girls, except for their pearly eyes, were entirely me. Rich, brown hair that fell straight, slight frames, high cheekbones, sharp features…they were like Hyuuga clones of my sister and me.
Thankfully, I needed no reminders of Hizashi, so I was not disappointed. I named the first-born daughter Atsuko, after my sister, though I struggled to come up with another name. It was rude to use the byakugan on someone who didn't ask so the sex and number of children I'd been carrying remained a mystery to me until their birth. I had wanted to be surprised and I was.
In the weeks that I pondered over the second name, wanting to choose one with just as much significance as the first, Neji had grown close to the second-born. He took to her at first because she was the nameless baby but then they formed a close bond. Sometimes, when I would enter the nursery with him at my side, she would turn her head and reach out to him in that funny way babies did. He seemed to feel bad for her, though there was no reason to. My stalling wasn't because I loved her less but because I loved her just as much.
It was Neji who suggested Kimiko. Valuable child.
I liked it and a reminder that a second-born twin was just as valuable as the first wouldn't go amiss in the Hyuuga clan.
Since Hiashi's wife gave birth to another daughter, Hanabi, in March of that same year I was braced for my twins to suffer the sealing. My family was saved from that fate by Hiashi of all people.
He came to me and informed me that he had spoken to his father and if the twins chose a civilian life, they could remain unsealed. Hanabi was not the heiress, and they already had Neji, so no protector was needed.
Though it wasn't in his nature part of me had expected Neji to take the news with a hint of jealousy. After all, it wasn't fair that he should have to live with the Caged Bird Seal and that his sisters didn't.
My fears were unfounded. He wasn't jealous in the slightest.
Just relieved.
He was a good big brother.
My relationship with the twins was more solid than my relationship with Neji from the beginning. When Neji had been an infant, I'd had a difficult time bonding with him – my milk wouldn't come so I couldn't breast feed and gradually I felt like I was doing everything wrong. I remembered being plagued with feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, and hopelessness. I had passed him off to Hizashi rather then risk making mistakes and by the time those dark feelings had passed…it had felt like it was too late.
I was able to breast feed the twins, so already I was off to a better start. I relished the closeness I felt when I was able to feed them with my own body, rather then rely on formula or a wetnurse. I waited for those dark feelings that I'd experienced after having Neji to reappear, but they didn't. The only feelings I associated with my twins was joy and for the first time I felt like I was capable of being a mother.
Neji loved his sisters equally but he had a special bond with Kimiko, one that grew as the twins did.
My son had created a wall of stone around his heart, mastered his own stony expression, but Kimiko challenged that. I had named the twins wrong because Kimiko reminded me more of my sister then the one who shared her namesake. Kimiko was vibrant, joyful, energetic…an opposite to the big brother she loved so much. An opposite to the rest of her family; she behaved neither like the Hyuuga nor the Shiranui from which she was descended.
Despite their differences she and Neji were drawn together.
Atsuko, on the other hand, was me and at times Hizashi. She was quiet, reserved, practical…I could relate to her in a unique way. In the times she reminded me of myself I could almost read her pensive mind and, in the times that she reminded me of Hizashi, I could understand her better then anyone else in the world. Just as I had understood my late husband.
Often, while Neji was entertaining Kimiko, Atsuko would instead stay with me in contemplative silence. Her favourite thing to do was sit next to me while I read her the books her older brother used to enjoy.
The twins became the glue that held Neji and I together as a family. Family time after dinner came to include all four of us and, slowly, those two hours became whenever we wanted. Just like a real family.
Like a good family that had a good mother.
Just when I thought that I had come to the end of Hizashi's machinations to ensure my life was happy, I would find something else he had done for me. Leaving the twins behind in my womb had been his greatest gift.
I still was not a good mother…but I was now a capable one.
My friendship with Hiashi grew closer over the years following the death of his wife. With my newfound confidence in raising the twins, I found myself wanting to be more involved with my nieces who had lost their own mother. I cared for Hinata a great deal, likely as much as Hiashi loved Neji, but the girl was often a frustration for me. I had always been reserved but never shy and at times I found her meek behavior was one of the few things that could irritate me. I wanted her to change, to be stronger, but I realized that was wrong. You shouldn't want to change someone you loved.
Hanabi on the other hand became, in many ways, a third daughter. She had a strong personality and was an intelligent girl – someone who I could have seen leading the clan in Hinata's place. I wondered often if I would have resented the main clan less if Hanabi had been Hiashi's firstborn and therefore Neji had been destined to serve her. Much of my resentment had been centered around the belief that my son was superior to the weak Hinata, that he deserved more, so would that resentment had been lessened when I was presented with a stronger heir?
I would never know for sure.
XxX
Before I knew it, Neji had graduated from The Academy. I didn't fully understand it but Hiashi had told me that because he was talented and from a prominent family that meant he would get put in a three-man cell to complete his training. Some genin went right into the genin corps if they were exceedingly average and then they could work their way up the ranks from there. However, Neji was far from average so he was getting an extra resource to help his training in the form of an elite jonin teacher.
I still clearly remember the day I met Gai and Neji's team.
Neji had been in training under his new teacher for months and while he was much more talkative with me, he spoke very rarely of training. Even when I attempted to probe, I learned nothing of his teacher or his teammates which made me worry that he wasn't bonding with them properly. From what I'd witnessed with my siblings and husband, my son was supposed to develop a special bond with his first team that he could carry with him through the years.
It was summer. I was sitting on the veranda in the garden in a nice purple yukata, sipping tea and enjoying the morning. Neji had chosen to join me, sitting dutifully by my side like the ever-vigilant protector he was. His eyes were closed, his hands resting on his knees, and his lips were pressed into a hard line as he seemed to be thinking about something important. Kimiko was running around the garden, giggling, and splashing in the pond. Atsuko had decided to sit quietly on the bank building a house from twigs and leaves. At five years old they could be rather amusing to watch, and I was enjoying their antics in my quiet way.
The door behind me slid open gently and I didn't have to look to know it was my personal servant. With my entire family here, no one else could enter my bedroom without permission and that was the only way to the garden. That was my favourite part about the branch clan estate – the fact that the garden was a private sanctuary for the family.
"Lady Hyuuga, I am sorry to disturb you. A man is here. He claims to be the young master's teacher."
I didn't have to look to know that Neji had stiffened next to me.
"Oh?" I kept my expression composed as always but inside I was intrigued. Neji was intensely private and seemed to have decided to keep us apart. Surely, he didn't expect me to ignore the opportunity to learn about his team when it was so blatantly presented.
"Mother," Neji began and rose to his feet, his features stony, "I will go and greet him."
He didn't wait for my response and I felt him turn to leave. It was so fast that if it hadn't been for the screech of protest from Kimiko, I wouldn't have been able to stop him.
As it was, the brasher of the twins had slipped and fallen into the pond. I barely reacted as it was for decoration and too shallow for her to get hurt, barely up to her tiny calves in depth, but the fall had startled her, nonetheless. The tears came and Neji forgot himself for a moment as he ran to check on her and take her out of the water.
"Invite him in, please." I told the servant, observing my children quietly.
Through calming his sister's sobs, I could tell Neji had heard me, he cast me an unreadable look which I'm sure masked displeasure.
It only took a few minutes after the servant had left before a powerful bundle of energy, which seemed to be desperately trying to contain itself, sprung through the doors. It was a flurry of orange, green and black. I saw a flash of red as well.
Then there was a man in front of me, bowing, clad entirely in green spandex. To his left was a boy nearly identical, though there was a red leaf headband slung across his waist. They both had large eyebrows, orange legwarmers, and shocking bowl cuts.
"Lady Hyuuga," His dialect had a strange way about it. The man seemed to over-emphasize the first character of every word giving him a melodic tone. "Thank you for allowing us to visit with you today!"
A rather plain looking girl also slunk up next to them, looking between her bowing teacher and myself with clear confusion, before seeming to decide that mimicking her teacher was best. She similarly bent at the waist but kept shooting furtive glances in my direction – a bead of sweat forming on her temple.
I said nothing at first. I just raised an eyebrow and glanced over the man's bent form into the eyes of my son. He looked caught between amusement, annoyance, and embarrassment. He'd long since pulled his sister from her imaginary danger but had yet to move from the edge of the pond. At my look he seemed to remember himself and left his sisters behind to stalk towards his genin team and teacher.
"Please don't do that." He ground out, his voice a level of irritated that I decided was new.
At his words, his male teammate popped upwards, turning to face him, and launched into some long-winded explanation of why they were there. He also mentioned something about how their teacher had said that they needed to greet me formally and show me the utmost respect. His female teammate stood up more slowly and glanced at me before awkwardly sidling over to where the two boys were standing.
They realized I was just a clan head and not some feudal lord…right?
The man ignored the genin and continued to address me, looking up into my eyes. He flashed me a blinding grin and his teeth were so white they glinted in the sun.
"I'm sorry for the intrusion but I have had the pleasure of meeting all my student's parents but you. Neji seemed to think that you would be too busy. I'm glad he was clearly mistaken."
There was a mischievous glint in the man's eye that I could respect. He'd figured out my son was lying.
"Clearly he was." I agreed in a monotone, though I fought with a smile that tugged at the corners of my mouth. So, he decided he was tired of this game Neji was playing, eh?
"Mother-" My son began, having fought himself away from his energetic teammate's attentions to address me. I knew my son and could recognize the muted panic in his voice. In those few moments he had devised some reasoning as to why his teacher had to leave suddenly or why I was too busy to speak with him. Some excuse to try and convince the two adults not to interact.
Well, I wouldn't have any of it.
"Neji," I interrupted, "why don't you take your sisters to the park. Perhaps your friends would like to go as well."
At the mention of the word 'park' both girls who were previously disinterested perked up and rushed forward in their various ways. Kimiko immediately sprinted towards her older brother and grabbed his hand chanting 'park, park, park'. Her sister ran forward as well, but tried to look like she wasn't, and grabbed onto her brother's other free hand. She had picked up on the fact that her brother would protest, and you could see the pleading in her eyes as she stared up at him. She said nothing but she didn't have to. Atsuko really liked the swings…and Neji knew it.
His flamboyant teammate seemed to have decided to match Kimiko's enthusiasm and agreed loudly to the idea. The female teammate was quieter but similarly looked like she agreed as she hung back and smiled at the other boy's enthusiasm.
Neji stood like a stone in the crashing sea of energy that had surrounded him.
My son gritted his teeth but knew when he was defeated.
"Yes, Mother." He grudgingly agreed, causing his two little sisters and male teammate to vibrate with happiness.
Without waiting his green-clad teammate grabbed his shoulders and pushed him towards the door, which in turn dragged the two girls clinging to his hands. Just as quickly as he had come the bowl-cut boy was gone and had taken my children with him.
"W-wait, Lee!" The female teammate who'd been left behind squawked, extending a futile hand in his direction, "You didn't even say good-bye! Don't be rude!"
She received no response – the other genin and children long gone. She paused for a moment before bowing in my direction.
"Thank you for having us, Lady Hyuuga!" She almost shouted, her face flushing scarlet in embarrassment, before she scrambled to follow the others. I waited until I could no longer hear footsteps before I looked back at Neji's teacher who, to my surprise, was still bowing. It was proper etiquette that he waits until dismissed but I hadn't expected a clanless man to know such things. Despite his extreme appearance I was finding myself already impressed with the jonin.
"Please, join me." I said, my voice as bland as always as I gestured. The man stood and maneuvered himself to sit at my side, taking the place that just minutes ago had been Neji's.
"Lady Hyuuga, please let me introduce myself." The man began shortly, "I am Might Gai, Neji's jonin instructor."
"I am pleased to meet you." I told him sincerely, pausing for a moment to decide whether I should continue. I decided I should. "Neji has not told me anything about his training so I am happy you chose to visit."
"And I am happy to hear that, Lady Hyuuga." The man's voice had softened, showing an awareness that I had a feeling he hid beneath his exuberance. "When I told Neji I wanted to meet you he told me you had no interest in such things. He seemed to think I would be bothering you."
I knew for a fact that my son knew that wasn't the case. He was lying. I may not have understood it, but I had always shown an interest in his training. I'd always at least asked about it.
I kept my face passive but shook my head in disagreement. I had thought a great deal about why Neji didn't want me involved in his ninja life, to the point of telling others that it was a bother, and I could come up with only one explanation.
"After his father died, Neji decided to take on the role of my protector." I confessed, turning to look at the younger man for the first time. He had been watching me intently and now that our eyes had the opportunity to meet, his gaze softened in understanding. "He doesn't want me to know about his training or missions because that was the way his father was. Hizashi always shielded me from such things: he always treated me like I was more fragile than I actually was."
I thought for a moment before continuing.
"His uncle handled all of his training and when Neji entered The Academy, Hiashi took over that as well. He made sure that Neji was keeping up with his studies, doing his homework…all of that. I'm actually surprised you wanted to see me, considering."
"I have spoken to Lord Hiashi." The man admitted with a small shake of his head, "It was him who asked me if I'd met with you yet."
He hesitated and then cleared his throat uncomfortably.
"To be truthful, I hadn't realized his mother was still alive until recently." The man admitted, looking like he was ready for me to wince away from the confession.
I didn't.
After Hizashi's death, I had practically become a recluse and Hiashi handled most of the matters regarding Neji within the village. I was so busy with my work for the clan and my attempts at mothering the girls, that I rarely left the compound. The servants went to fetch groceries and did any necessary shopping for the estate. Yuzuha always visited me, never the other way around. Even the girl's clothes had been made by a clan seamstress and I had no need to shop for myself for the same reason.
It was a reasonable assumption.
"I actually knew Lord Hizashi well," The man told me after a moment, "When I was younger, he led many of my missions and he even taught me a thing or two about what being a ninja means. He was a good man and a very talented shinobi…I see him in Neji."
That comment brought the ghost of a smile to my lips and I felt my chest swell with appreciation. I wasn't sure why this stranger's comment made me feel so good, but it did. Maybe it was because it was nice to know that someone else remembered Hizashi. Often it seemed like besides Neji and me…no one remembered him. Even Hiashi pretended his brother hadn't existed, I suspect to avoid dwelling on his guilt.
"Who was your teacher, if I may ask?" I imagined if this man was a jonin now it was likely he had also had a jonin teacher. He looked about the age that I might know the person, especially if he was associating with my husband.
"Choza Akimichi!" The man told me proudly and I felt happy that I knew who that was. I had dealings with Choza on behalf of the clan. He was a good man.
"Ah, I know Choza." I admitted and the man seemed pleased, "And your teammates? Did they also become jonin?"
The man nodded in affirmation.
"…and jonin…are they more likely to live?" I asked and the man's happiness seemed to fade slightly and was once more replaced with that knowing look.
"Lives aren't guaranteed at any rank, Lady Hyuuga," The man told me, and I appreciated his blunt honesty. "but I swear I will do everything I possibly can to help Neji be the best he can be."
I nodded once and looked up to the sky.
That was all I could ask.
XxX
Gai quickly became a friend of mine, much to Neji's chagrin.
Which only made teasing the boy a shared hobby for the two of us.
When Gai had a rare day off from training or missions, he would take an hour or two to come sit with me in the garden.
On the days when Neji was there, lurking in the background and glaring at his teacher from afar, we would purposefully discuss Neji loudly, just to try and get a rise out of him. It never worked but that didn't mean we didn't try and there was satisfaction in knowing that even if he didn't react, he was sufficiently teased.
Other days when Neji was off with his uncle or babysitting his sisters, Gai and I would talk about other things. We covered a wide range of topics and it was in this manner that I rediscovered my nephew, Genma.
Apparently, he was one of Gai's former teammates and one of his closest friends. When he learned that Genma was my nephew, Gai brought him for a visit one day and I met the boy…now a man…for the first time. He reminded me of myself and for that reason the man was easy to relate to.
Neither of us expected to become close but there was still a comfort to finding long-lost family that we both benefited from.
I learned through him that Tomoe had died many years ago, which explained why my attempt to contact him about our bloodline had gone unanswered. Genma knew very little about his family, he could only vaguely recall his own grandfather's name, so we spent many hours discussing the late Shiranui family. I mentioned to him the suspicion my husband had once had that we were somehow related to the Senju Clan but warned him not to take it too seriously. After all, there was no proof.
I felt guilt for not being there when Tomoe had passed away. Genma had only been eleven at the time and had been alone ever since. I apologized to him for my absence, but he assured me it wasn't my fault. He knew his father had siblings and had considered looking for us but had ultimately decided to go it alone. After all, he had just become a genin and had an income to support himself, so it wasn't like he needed a family anymore.
Considering all that had happened and where he had come from, Genma had turned out to be a very well-rounded young man who I was very proud of. I told him as much. I told him that it had taken a few generations, but Genma was the kind of man my father had always wanted to bear the Shiranui name.
Genma had puffed up visibly when I'd told him I was proud of the man he had become. I realized then that Tomoe had likely been so busy in life and had died so early, that Genma probably wasn't used to hearing those words. Genma would visit me occasionally and I had always tried to arrange a meeting between him and Neji. Much like how my son was benefiting from Gai I thought Neji may benefit in some way from Genma's guidance.
The first time the two actually met was during the final round of the Chunin Exams. While Genma had recognized Neji immediately, my son hadn't made the connection that the proctor standing to his left was his cousin. Which was probably the best, given the emotional nature of the day.
That had been an interesting day to say the least.
"Are these seats taken?" I questioned politely, gesturing to the two empty seats next to the familiar brunette.
Startled by my sudden appearance, as she'd been intently watching the arena despite the missing opponents, Tenten snapped her head to look at me.
"Oh! Lady Hyuuga! No, please have a seat."
I had to admit that moving into the stadium seats was a struggle given the nature of my outfit. I was wrapped securely in the layers of my light-blue kimono, teetering off the edge of traditional pokkuri. I'd pulled my hair up into a casual style as there was nothing I hated more then my head feeling heavy, but I had still used a decorative comb. One of the combs my husband had given me – there was no way I could leave him behind, today of all days.
I did my best to sit gracefully, having to clench my teeth as I almost fell. I desperately hoped no one had noticed, I'd felt the eyes on me ever since I had entered the stadium. Mostly from members of the Hyuuga clan who were dotted throughout but the odd elite jonin as well. I was easily recognized.
"This is my friend, Miss Nara." I introduced bluntly and the girl nodded in greeting, "Yuzuha this is one of Neji's teammates, Tenten."
Yuzuha took the other free seat to my left and sent the brown-haired girl a smile.
"Please! Call me Yuzuha. Nothing more annoying then being called Miss Nara at thirty-seven."
"Neji wasn't sure you were going to come, Lady Hyuuga." Tenten began, a drop of sweat forming on her brow as she confessed this.
"What!?" It was Yuzuha who responded before I had to, "You kidding me? No way she's missing this."
Yuzuha looked around conspiratorially before leaning over me to whisper at the girl.
"You know she's secretly obsessed with his progress. She even tried to bribe Lord Hokage."
I knew Yuzuha was teasing, but the poor girl didn't, and she was looking flustered at this new (false) information. Without much more thought I reached out and pinched my friend, who squeaked and went back to sitting properly in her seat.
Shortly after that the match started.
We had been sitting close enough to the arena that I could hear bits and pieces of my son's conversation with the orange-clad boy. For the first time he voiced his pain at what had happened to his father. I wasn't ignorant. I knew that Neji was in pain…but I suppose I had underestimated just how much.
In the end, Neji lay on the ground defeated and needed to be taken away on a stretcher. I sat in my seat in silence for a long moment, even as the rest of the stadium erupted into clapping and cheering. I considered my options. I glanced towards where I knew Hiashi to be sitting and saw him stand to leave, heading in the direction of the medical rooms. Going to see Neji.
I looked once more down at the stadium where the boy in orange was now climbing the stairs to go to the competitor waiting area. I thought about what the boy had said to Neji. About destiny and choice. About how somehow this strange boy had managed to tell my son the things he needed to hear.
I stood; my hands folded neatly into my sleeves.
"Where are you going?" Yuzuha asked, her question breaking into my thoughts.
"I will be back." It wasn't a real answer to her question, but it was all I was going to give. Truthfully, I wasn't quite sure where I was going.
My feet carried me down the stadium and towards the steps that went to the competitor waiting area. There were no guards, which I found odd – I could have been anyone and certainly shouldn't have been allowed to just stroll around unchecked.
I met the orange-clad boy on the stairs. He was facing away from me and his hands were folded behind his head.
What was his name again?
That's right…it was…
"Naruto Uzumaki." I addressed in my typical monotone, drawing the boy's attention. Immediately he looked weary; despite appearances he was clearly smart enough to realize that there was more going on here then just kids fighting in an arena. A lot of important people had money on these matches. Come to think of it, a lot of important people probably just lost money on Neji's match. Everyone, including myself, had been confident that my son would win.
"Y-yeah? Who are you, lady?" Well, he could certainly use better manners but there were worse things.
"My name is Kiyoko," I began, choosing instead to use my given name. Titles didn't mean much to a brat like this anyway. What point would there be in addressing myself as Lady Hyuuga if it wouldn't matter to the boy in the slightest? People used titles because they wanted a certain level of respect…but this boy didn't need to respect me. "Neji is my son."
The boy looked a little startled as he processed the implications of this new information. I could see him mulling this over, wondering what this meant, why I was telling him this, whether it mattered…
Why had Tenten seemed so convinced that the boy was unintelligent? He seemed perfectly intelligent to me.
"Thank you." The more I thought about it, there really wasn't much I could say to the boy that would make sense. Those two simple words conveyed everything I needed to say to him quite well.
XxX
Years passed until the Fourth Shinobi War was upon us.
Neji had turned sixteen the year prior and had taken on his duties as head of the Hyuuga branch clan.
The first year had been very smooth, with me filling in for my son while he was away on missions, but it had been chaos after the village was destroyed. Hiashi had formally made me a clan elder so that I would always be able to advise Neji and help with his duties until he married.
Shortly before they went to war, a clean meeting was held that was long overdue.
It was Hiashi, me, the other five clan elders and Neji.
We met in a half-built meeting hall that was being prepared in what would be the new Hyuuga Clan compound. Hiashi had started very bluntly and told us we had to prepare for the possibility he would not return. His father had passed away nearly a year ago and with him gone there was no one with the rank or seniority to truly challenge his decisions.
To the shock of all there in the room that night he changed his successor to Neji.
There was much discussion, several accusatory looks were thrown in my direction like I had orchestrated the whole thing, but they bounced off. I'd had nothing to do with it. I was just as shocked as they were.
The nay-sayers mainly protested the fact that Neji was not Hiashi's son, but the clan head had clearly prepared for this argument. His response was that genetically and legally, Neji was his son. After all, legally Hizashi had signed his parental rights over to Hiashi before he died which made Neji legally his son in the eyes of the village and clan. He had also been obvious in using these parental rights and had been Neji's father figure ever since his brother's death. Additionally, as Hizashi and Hiashi were identical twins they had the same DNA, and their children were genetically half-siblings as a result.
How could anyone argue that Neji couldn't be considered Hiashi's son after that?
Those that protested were few in comparison to those who approved the change. Ninja clans focused on strength first and tradition second. It was clear to all that out of the three possible clan heir candidates Neji was the most fit. Though Hanabi and Hinata had both shaped up over the years to be firm kunoichi they both still fundamentally lacked other necessary traits required of a leader.
Traits that Neji possessed.
Neji, Hiashi noted, had also excelled as expected and had climbed the ranks to become an elite jonin. Just as everyone had predicted when Neji was born he was proving to be the first in what would hopefully be a new generation of powerful Hyuuga.
Neji stayed silent throughout all of it and gave the impression that he would be fine with whichever decision was made. If he felt praised or irritated by all that we were discussing, all while pretending he wasn't there, he didn't show it.
Hiashi's argument was solid enough that no one could provide a valid reason that the change shouldn't happen.
So Neji, already the leader of the branch clan, became the heir to the main Hyuuga clan.
I had waited for the room to clear before I had approached Hiashi – I had even been under the impression that Neji had long since left but I later learned I had been wrong. Apparently, he had lingered outside the door waiting for me and had heard our discussion.
"You are sure about this, Hiashi?" I asked him quietly. I had my concerns about the decision but none that had been worth bringing up in the meeting.
"Yes, I am very sure. I believe Neji will take the Hyuuga clan into a new age." Hiashi replied, smiling gently at me as he spoke. His smile fell however when he noticed the way my face remained in its usual firm expression. "What's the matter, Kiyoko? Isn't this what you and Hizashi always wanted for him?"
That cut deep and what was once a line formed a frown.
My eyes flickered over Hiashi's face to interpret if there was hidden meaning behind his words. Had be been trying to hurt me? No. His gaze was gentle: he hadn't meant to remind me of those terrible days filled with resentment and hate.
"We always wanted better for Neji." I admitted softly, "Hizashi used to blame himself so much for being born your twin but despite what your father thought it wasn't so he could one day lead the clan. We just wanted our son to know a life of freedom and acceptance. A life without fear of his own family. We struggled with it…for years…" I trailed off in thought – remembering all the long nights of painful discussions that I had long since forgotten. How long had it even been now? Eleven years?
"These last few years have been that life, Hiashi." That was the truth. Neji was celebrated for his talents and respected by the clan. He was no longer considered a servant to Hinata, but a brother and a friend. He didn't live in fear because there was nothing more outlandish than the thought that Hiashi would ever use the Caged Bird Seal against him. Most importantly he had learned that he was free to choose the life he wanted and that he wasn't bound to some pre-determined destiny.
My son had healed. He no longer knew bitterness, hate or resentment. He was no longer in pain.
"I don't understand." Hiashi confessed, his brow furrowing together in confusion. "Do you not want Neji to be my successor?"
I shook my head.
"That's not it, Hiashi." I explained calmly, "Neji leading the clan is something that I had only imagined in my wildest dreams. Something I always felt he deserved but not necessarily something I thought could happen. But…I just want to know that you made this decision because you believe in Neji."
"As opposed to what?" The man asked, sounding baffled, and I took that as a good sign but continued anyway.
"Guilt. You have done everything you could to take care of my family as recompense for what happened to Hizashi and I do appreciate it Hiashi. I don't know what I would have done without you…especially those first few years." I paused, remembering every thing Hiashi had done that I was grateful for. "But you forgot something in all of these years that you tried to make it up to us. To me."
"What was that?" Hiashi was clearly taken in by my words and, as I suspected, even now the guilt was shadowing his features. He was still guilty after all these years.
"You never did anything that needed to be forgiven. You never had anything to be guilty about." I wasn't much for human contact, but I raised my hand to rest it tenderly on his cheek, watching my brother's face twist in anguish. "You protected your child…and Hizashi made the choice to protect you."
I didn't bother to mention that in doing so he had also prevented a war which had similarly protected his own family. I figured that was implied.
"You never needed to feel guilty for Hizashi's choice and the only person whose forgiveness you need is your own…because no one else blames you." The man started to tremble, and he dropped his head, but didn't pull away from my contact. Fresh tears threatened to fall from his eyes and one or two did slip out.
Soft-hearted Hiashi.
Still blaming himself after all these years for terrible circumstances and the choices of others. Still searching for forgiveness from people who had never blamed him in the first place and paralyzed because he was unable to forgive himself.
This was a conversation we'd needed to have long ago, and I regretted not having it sooner. I suppose I had thought that, in time, Hiashi would move on.
"I really do believe in Neji." Was all he said in response, still doing his best to hold back the tears.
"I know."
I hoped Hiashi took what I said about forgiveness to heart because soon he would be leaving for the field of battle. He could live for the next forty years or die tomorrow…either way no one deserved to live with that pain for any length of time and I had long since moved on.
It was time for Hiashi to do the same.
XxX
Word came from the front that the war was officially over and slowly lists of the deceased piled in.
I learned that Gai had survived the war but was a notable casualty. He'd been badly crippled and even Lady Tsunade would be unable to repair him.
Many clans lost heads that day.
Shikaku Nara, Yuzuha's beloved brother, was among the deceased.
As was my soft-hearted Hiashi.
It was bittersweet, because I would learn later that he had died protecting Neji who in turn had been about to die to protect Hinata. I only hoped that in his final moments Hiashi had forgiven himself like we had discussed.
I felt surprisingly lonely when I heard of Hiashi's death. It was almost like for a moment I was the last person on Earth. I had my children and I had Yuzuha…but everyone else I had grown up with was gone.
Hiashi and Hizashi. My parents. My siblings. My very few friends.
Just gone.
It was such an empty feeling to realize that about myself.
With Neji as the official head of both the main and branch clan, the ancient custom of having a servant clan was abolished.
The two clans were amalgamated to form one large Hyuuga Clan. The elders refused to relinquish the Caged Bird Seal, claiming that it was the only thing keeping the clan safe. Neji fought that battle with them for nearly three years before finally they reached a compromise. On one of his missions for Konoha, Neji had met a shinobi talented in Fuuinjutsu who claimed that they could adjust he seal. The seal they proposed was nearly identical with one major difference: it did not give anyone the ability to torture or subjugate another clan member.
It would still act a deterrent and dispose of the eyes upon a clan members death, but it would no longer be a mark of servitude.
Unfortunately, this meant that all non-civilian clan members would be required to get the seal as there was no clear divide between members anymore. For it to be fair, it had to be used on everyone. The elders agreed to this after days of debate and though it took several years for us to test the seal, as we were fortunate to have no clan members die, it was revealed to work as the Fuuinjutsu master had claimed.
The younger generation of Hyuuga did not regard the mark with fear or apprehension. In fact, it quickly became seen as a right of passage for young shinobi. Once you became a genin, you received the seal, a painless procedure and other then a quirky tattoo it had no meaning while you were alive.
After all the pain the seal had caused my family it was surreal to see it be so…nonthreatening. Even anticipated.
When Neji was twenty, he married Tenten which hadn't surprised me. I had always thought my son had a soft spot for the girl and she was a very capable young woman. When they married, the ladies of the clan dressed her up in the heaviest shiromuku we could manage, seeing as she was a kunoichi. I even secretly sewed weights into the hem. To our satisfaction and mirth, she was barely able to move without Neji's help. Not realizing that the reason she was suffering was because of what we had done the poor girl had been beyond embarrassed and so I had sidled up to her when she was sitting alone. I winked at her, in a rare display of playfulness, and assured her that she shouldn't worry because no one who married into the Hyuuga clan should be able to stand at their wedding.
When she joined the clan, I had been the one to teach her etiquette and about her duties as Lady Hyuuga. Now that I had the opportunity to spend more time with her, I grew rather attached to her – she was a fine young woman, and I couldn't have asked for a better daughter-in-law.
The twins both married at sixteen to clan boys with similar personalities that they'd fallen in love with. I found it amusing that for two very different personalities, like Kimiko and Atsuko, they had the same taste in men.
I spent the remainder of my days in peace; helping with the odd clan matter, having tea with Gai and Yuzuha, viewing my garden with Genma and watching my grandchildren play. I discovered quickly that it was easier to be a grandmother then a mother.
I was a very good grandmother.
By the time I passed away on April 23rd, 1486 I had fourteen grandchildren.
Kimiko had six children, Atsuko five and Neji three.
I was only fifty-six when I passed away and I'm not entirely sure why I died…mostly I just think it was because I was ready.
I was ready to join everyone else I had lost along the way.
Sure enough, when I crossed over into the Pure Land, they were all waiting for me.
