My best friend always says, "When we see a biphobe, we floor it." This is me flooring it. Enjoy.
Donna Paulsen does not get jealous. In fact, she has prided herself on that fact since she was a kid. She has enough self-esteem and self-awareness to know her own worth, and nothing, especially not a man, is enough to cause all that to come crumbling down around her. So it is with genuine confusion that she attempts to quell and repress this very unfamiliar and uncomfortable feeling that is manifesting deep in her core which might be something possibly akin to jealousy.
It makes no sense to her. Zero sense at all. She has watched the revolving door of Harvey Specter's conquests walk in and out of their lives for a while now, and it hasn't bothered her. It didn't bother her when he kept one of them around for several weeks in a row, and it didn't bother her when another one called the office looking for her "boyfriend," so it shouldn't bother her now.
But there's something about this woman that irks her in a way none of the others have. She's only seen her once before, back at the DA's office, and then she was still in deep denial about her more than platonic feelings for her boss, so she hadn't thought about it much at the time. But it's glaringly obvious now that she has admitted those feelings to herself, now that she has had him in that way (even if for only one night), that she is bothered by other women getting to experience what she wished was only hers. It's impractical, and it certainly doesn't mean she's jealous, just mildly annoyed to have it thrown in her face more often than she'd like.
This woman, however, is entirely different. This isn't just some one night stand or week-long fling whose name he won't remember in a few days' time. This is Scottie. Scottie who knew him long before Donna did. Scottie who he has a history with. Scottie who came back and who's going to keep coming back and who has undoubtedly had him more times than Donna can count. So yeah, it irks her, but she doesn't think it qualifies as jealousy.
Unfortunately, she has never experienced this level of uncomfortableness with any of the women Harvey has around, so she's not as good at hiding her displeasure as she should be. She's short with him all day, doesn't spend any of her time trying to make him laugh, and avoids Scottie at all costs. She berates herself for being so obvious, but Harvey never says a thing, and she assumes that he is, like always, completely clueless when it comes to her feelings, so that's that.
Scottie's next appearance is a couple of months later.
Donna is sitting in Harvey's office, legs propped on his desk, laughing with him about something Louis did when she shows up, completely unannounced.
Donna's feet immediately hit the floor, and Harvey gives her a look when she stops mid-laugh.
"Scottie, hi," she says, forcing a fake smile and standing.
"Hi, Donna," Scottie smiles back. "Harvey."
"Scottie," he acknowledges her with a small nod.
"I'm sure you guys have important things to discuss, so I'm just gonna…"
Donna trails off as she begins to walk out of the office, noting that neither of them is paying much attention to her, this back and forth of theirs has already started.
It's nearly an hour later when Harvey approaches her at her desk, a grin on his face.
"I take it your meeting went well," she says without looking away from her computer.
"As well as it could, I guess," he shrugs.
He stands there for a moment, and she can feel his gaze on her, but he isn't saying anything, waiting for her to acknowledge him with her own eyes, so she sighs and turns to him.
"What can I do for you, Harvey?"
"What was that earlier?" he asks her suddenly.
"What was what?"
"Earlier, in my office, when Scottie came in. You got all flustered."
Her jaw drops a little, shock keeping her from immediately replying.
"I did not get flustered!"
"Yes, you did," he hums in a sing-song, teasing tone.
She narrows her eyes at him, "Just what are you implying?"
"That you, Donna Paulsen, have a crush."
"A crush?" she gapes, her heart racing a little as she fights to keep herself under control.
"Yep," Harvey winks. "It all makes sense to me now. The snippiness, the avoidance, the flustering."
"Flustering?" she mocks.
"Shut up," he chuckles but continues. "See, I have this theory—"
"Oh, do you?"
"Yes. I've been thinking about it and thinking about it and thinking about it, ever since the last time Scottie was at the office, and today confirmed it. You have a crush on Scottie."
Donna nearly jumps in shock, "I...what?"
"It's okay to admit I got you, Paulsen," Harvey smiles at her, so clearly proud of himself. "I'm not as stupid as I look."
"You're deranged is what you are," she laughs now, probably a combination of relief and amazement. "I do not have a crush on Scottie."
"Of course you do. It makes complete sense. You only act weird like this when she's around. What else would it be?"
She shakes her head, stunned by his ability to completely misread the situation, "Look, I think she's a very pretty woman, and I wouldn't say I'm not attracted to her at least a little, but crush is going a bit far."
"Donna, Donna, Donna," Harvey sighs. "You don't have to deny it for my sake."
"Your sake?" she laughs.
"Yeah, I mean, I know you know we have this...arrangement...but it doesn't mean anything. Not really."
"Harvey—"
"Look," he says, his hands gripping the counter and face suddenly very serious, "I know you and I don't really do this sort of thing, but you don't have to hide from me, Donna."
His sincerity catches her off guard for a moment. Obliviousness aside, he does truly seem happy for her. She's not sure what to think of that. Part of her wishes he wasn't. Part of her thinks it means he's maturing a little.
"I'm not hiding from you, Harvey."
"Okay," he shrugs again, showing that he doesn't really believe her. "But just so you know, I could definitely set you up."
Before she can comment on that, he pushes off of her desk and walks to his office, shutting the door behind him.
Scottie's around for the rest of the week. Every time they interact, which is more often than she's like, Harvey is always there winking and wiggling his eyebrows at her like a seven-year-old. Fortunately, he at least has enough sense to keep it out of Scottie's line of sight.
On Friday, she's just getting ready to leave when Harvey approaches her.
"You have plans tonight?" he asks.
"No," she answers carefully. "But if your reason for asking that is that you want me to stay and work through the night with you on something I'm definitely not qualified for, the answer is yes, I do have very important plans that I absolutely cannot bail on."
He shakes his head but laughs, "Scottie and I were going to get drinks to celebrate the settlement. I just wanted to see if you'd like to come."
She raises her eyebrows, "I'm sorry?"
"What?"
"You're inviting me to drinks with you and Scottie? You really that sure you're not getting laid tonight?"
"Ha ha," he rolls his eyes. "I'm being serious."
"So am I," she scoffs. "There's a reason you never invite me to these things."
"Well, maybe I'm just trying to do you a favor," he emphasizes his point with a little poke in her direction.
Her confusion lasts only a second before she catches on, "No."
"Come on," he protests.
"I said no, Harvey."
"But—"
"No. Whatever little fantasy you've cooked up in your head about me hooking up with Scottie, drop it, okay?"
"That's not what this is," he says, sounding annoyed. "Donna, I care about you, and I care about Scottie, and I think the two of you would be really great together."
She's not entirely convinced by this. There's something in his tone that betrays his words, but she can't exactly put a finger on what it is. She feels a sudden urge to explain to him everything he's misinterpreted, but she can't, of course.
"Does Scottie even like women?" is what she says instead.
"Yes," Harvey drawls.
"She told you this? You're not just assuming?"
"Yes, Donna, she told me she was bi."
"If I agree to this, will you promise to never ever set me up with anyone ever again?"
"I'm picking you up at 9:00," he says in response, smiling and walking away before she has time to object again.
"I'm so going to regret this," she mutters to herself.
She hates herself for how much work she puts into her makeup and outfit for something that isn't even almost a date, but Harvey wants her to act like it's one, so she'll humor him, and if she manages to make him stare in the process, well, that's just a bonus. That's what she tells herself anyway. He does, in fact, very obviously check her out when she walks out of her building, though that's not entirely new.
She decides the reason she hadn't picked up on what he was planning was that she was too busy reminding herself that this wasn't a date with him, which doesn't make her feel any better at all. She's been acting like a teenager this whole week, struggling to hide her true feelings for him more than she has in a long time because of some other woman no less, and she promises herself that she'll get better at masking that on future occasions. Tonight, however, he catches her off guard for real for the first time. Within five minutes of meeting Scottie at some bar she has never been to, Harvey receives an emergency call from Marcus that he has to attend to, asks Scottie if she wouldn't mind seeing Donna home since he was her ride, and practically bolts out the door.
Scottie doesn't immediately catch on, but Donna does. Marcus doesn't call Harvey when he has an emergency. Marcus always calls Donna when he has an emergency because chances are, Harvey will send him to voicemail, but he always answers for Donna. She knows Harvey knows this as well, which is his way of saying he doesn't care if she knows exactly what he's doing. She takes it upon herself to relay all this to Scottie, who only laughs.
"I should've known," the brunette shakes her head and takes a sip of her drink. "He's been dropping hints all week. Not very subtle, that one, but he's smart, I'll give him that."
"I'm so sorry," Donna immediately apologizes. "He's got this insane idea that I have a crush on you. I don't know why. He wouldn't let it go. I just...I figured if I humored him, he'd shut up about it. I don't know why he's being so insistent."
"Really?" Scottie asks, a bit too quietly, and Donna doesn't really know what to say to that, doesn't even really know what she means by it, but it turns out she doesn't have to respond because Scottie just moves right on. "Well, Donna, no reason we can't enjoy ourselves anyway."
"I suppose not," she replies, wondering at Scottie's sudden change in tone.
She realizes on about their third drink that the woman is actually flirting with her.
It was subtle at first. They were exchanging stories about Harvey, laughing and complaining about him, but then that faded into college and family and everything in between. The more they drank, the more obvious the flirting became, and then suddenly Donna is sitting there realizing she's flirting back.
It's odd because she doesn't remember the last person she's flirted with this openly besides Harvey himself, and even that wasn't genuine all the time. Maybe it's because she's annoyed with him or maybe it's because it's been a while since she's had a real date with a woman and Scottie's undivided attention is giving her some sort of high, but when they agree that it's getting late and they need to get going, she disregards all common sense and suddenly blurts out an invitation for Scottie to come back to her apartment.
The other woman looks at her, eyes raking over her entire body before catching her gaze again.
"Okay," she says.
And that's that.
They're giggling against each other, arms linked as they leave the building and huddled together to brace the chill. When they stop at the curb, looking for a cab, a thought occurs to Donna and she laughs.
"Guess Harvey is getting exactly what he wanted," she says.
They both stop for a moment, looking at each other, faces very close. And then Donna kisses her.
Or, tries to anyway. She's very close to doing it, in fact, when Scottie pulls away.
"Donna," she sighs. "I can't...we can't do this."
"Why?" Donna gapes, genuinely confused and a little embarrassed.
"Look, I had a great time. A really great time, actually. But neither of us are in this for the right reasons, and I'll hate myself in the morning for being the person that takes advantage of someone else's vulnerability."
"I...I don't know what you're talking about," Donna stutters. "I thought we were just having fun. It doesn't have to mean anything."
"Well, that's the point, isn't it?" Scottie laughs, but there's no humor in it. "It wouldn't mean anything to you because you're in love with him, and I'm just…"
"In love with who?" Donna asks, but deep down she knows exactly who.
"I'm not blind, you know? I see the way you look at him, the way your voice changes when you talk about him. I can't believe he doesn't see it. Everyone else does. I don't know what I thought I was doing tonight. If I was trying to get his attention or yours or...I don't know...make myself feel better. I hope it was the last thing because I like to believe I'm smart enough not to attempt the first two. It took five drinks to get you to flirt with me and as for Harvey...well...I haven't had his attention since he met you."
"Scottie," Donna starts, "I think you're missing something here. Harvey doesn't look at me the way he looks at you. It's different."
"It is different. That's exactly my point. Donna, I've known Harvey for six years now, and I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you."
Donna gapes at her, unable to comprehend what she's saying.
"You wanna know why he's been pushing for us so badly? It's because he's in love with you, and he's terrified."
"I don't—"
"Donna, you know I'm right. He thought he was playing it safe by pushing you to find someone that wasn't him. He's in love with you, and he's never been in love with anyone before. He's an idiot, but he's scared. I think it's time you tell him that he shouldn't be."
Donna swallows, "I told him I didn't get involved with men that I work with. I made him promise...I…"
"You need to tell him," Scottie pushes again. "The longer you pretend to ignore this, the more people that are going to get hurt in the process."
It suddenly hits Donna that Scottie is talking about herself.
"I'm so sorry," she says, placing a hand on the other woman's arm. "I never meant—"
"I'll be okay," Scottie assures her. "Just promise me you won't wait forever."
It's nearly thirty minutes before Donna is standing outside Harvey's apartment, having knocked before she could change her mind, waiting for him to answer. When he opens the door, he's still dressed in his clothes from work, but missing his jacket and tie.
"Why did you set me up with Scottie?" she asks before he has a chance to say anything.
"Look," he holds his hands out in self-defense, "I know you're mad, but—"
"No," Donna shakes her head and shoves past him into his apartment. "I wanna know why you set me up with Scottie, and don't give me that 'I care about you' speech again because I'm not buying it anymore."
"Donna, what are you talking about?"
"Scottie said you did it because you're in love with me."
He freezes.
"She said that you've never been in love before, and it scares you, and you're hiding by pushing me to be with anyone that isn't you, and I wanna know if it's true."
He stares at her for a long moment.
"Scottie doesn't know what she's talking about," is what he says.
"That's not an answer," she argues, volume rising. "I want an answer, Harvey. I need to hear you say it."
"I can't," he tells her, eyes dropping to the floor.
"Why not?"
"Because once I say it, I can't take it back."
She moves closer to him, forcing him to look up at her.
"I don't want you to."
"But...you said…"
"I know what I said," she says. "I don't care about any of that...I just want you to say it."
He swallows, "I'm in love with you."
He's barely even done speaking before she's kissing him. It's been years since she's done this, but it feels like a lifetime and no time at all. He breaks the kiss after only a little while, staring at her earnestly.
"I'm in love with you too," she smiles. "If that wasn't entirely obvious."
"Yeah?" he grins at her like an idiot.
"Yeah," she nods, biting her lip. "I know you're scared you're gonna mess this up, but I promise I won't let you."
She thinks he might have tears in his eyes when he nods back at her, "Good because I think I've known for years now that you're it for me, and I can't lose you, Donna."
"You won't," she assures him. "You're it for me too."
He kisses her this time, wrapping his arms around her waist and tugging her flush against him. She smiles against his lips and throws her arms around his neck.
It isn't until much later when they're laying together, exchanging sweet kisses and soft touches in the safety of his bedroom with the pale light of dawn beginning to creep in that she thinks she ought to give Scottie a call and thank her.
