I Have Nothing (If I Don't Have You)
Sunday:
New York Presbyterian benefactors had made a good decision about five years ago. They realized that, according to hospital demographic information, more and more families had experienced extended stays due to more serious medical diagnoses. These deep-pocketed individuals, as well as the hospital board, determined that a hotel added to the south wing of the hospital could only benefit them fiscally. As soon as word got out to local lodging businesses, all hell broke loose and the owners of said properties came forward wanting to sue for breach of contract. A contract that never did or would exist. Within a few months, the hospital was able to welcome families into the beautifully constructed accommodations, at significantly modest rates.
This worked in Kurt's favor. The FBI was able to pull some strings and reserve enough rooms for him and his friends to remain safe as the die Stärke gang was being pursued. The FBI spared no expense, due to Kurt's voluntary participation in apprehending some of the most wanted criminals. He and his father, Sam, Cooper and Pam all received lodgings fitting of foreign dignitaries. Each was larger than the Bushwick apartment and bolstered fancier amenities than Burt received as a Congressman. The hard part was gathering their things from their current hotels and moving them back to the hospital without detection.
Thankfully, with the help of Agents Sibaja-Mora and Freeman, two separate cars took Sam and Blaine's family to their hotels and escorted them to their rooms. As they were gathering all of their belongings, the decoys remained in the cars, ready to stand in for them at a moment's notice. Burt, Sam, Cooper and Pam had all settled in and remained quietly in their new rooms while Kurt remained glued to Blaine's side. He took the most convincing to return to the scene of the unspeakable horror. It was only when the nurses had to kick him out of the room to change his boyfriend's bandages that he actually conceded.
At the moment, Kurt felt like he was glued to the back seat. From the back of the unmarked sedan, he peered out the window and up at the sand colored brick. When the two of them had finally created a home out of this place, Kurt was certain that nothing could ever change his perspective of it. Sadly, the events that had transpired only days earlier, were about to change how he felt.
"Don't worry, Kurt." his decoy, whose name he discovered was Jason, spoke from his left. When he turned to face him, the man slapped him on the shoulder, the way a coach would do to his quarterback. "We will get these guys and then you and Blaine can go back to normal."
Kurt just looked at the floor sadly. He curled his lip up in a half-hearted obligatory smile.
"I don't know if we will ever be able to call this home again."
"So, find a different place where you can both start over." he said, matter-of-factly. The comment brought Kurt pause. He had made so many great memories in this place, and he couldn't deny that. It gutted him to know that the idea of being within its walls made him sick to his stomach. But Jason had a point. There was nothing wrong with starting over somewhere else.
"Ready, Kurt?" Freeman turned in her seat, peering back at him. He made the slightest of nods and the two front doors of the sedan opened. Sibaja-Mora pulled the radio from her belt and used it to signal the agents in the alley that they were entering,
"All clear?"
"All clear, Sibaja-Mora. Go ahead."
She turned to Kurt in the back seat and noticed he hadn't moved an inch since the car had stopped in front of the apartment. An abrupt tap on the window brought him out of his trance, almost violently. Even still, he didn't open the door. The two agents exchanged glances, and Sibaja-Mora opened the door for him,
"You don't have to do this, Kurt. We can get your things for you, if you prefer."
Those words were all he needed to hear as encouragement to get to his feet. After he stepped up to the curb and shut the sedan door behind him, he hugged himself in a defensive motion. Freeman walked ahead of him and Sibaja-Mora lagged behind, making sure to surround Kurt with some kind of defense, in case the gang members appeared.
The smell was the same. The floor below his feet felt the same. The wood creaked the same way. Still, Kurt could feel a dark cloud following him from the entrance to the door of the apartment. Something was about to pounce on him, and he couldn't shake the notion. Freeman slid the large gate to the right, revealing yellow crime scene tape creating an "x" in the doorway. She lifted it up to allow Kurt easy access. He moved slowly, crouching down and stepping over the threshold. His arms continued to hug his torso, as if to be a shield.
Kurt stopped a few paces inside and stood just before the kitchen table. His eyes scanned the domicile for a moment. The kitchen, the coat hooks, the beds and privacy curtains all seemed in the right place. As his gaze fell upon the square shelves behind the couch, they followed them to the floor. There appeared two dark stains in the wood. Blaine's blood had not yet been cleaned off of the floor.
That's when the cloud swallowed him. At first, a thin layer of sweat covered his forehead. Then he felt every muscle in his body tense as his heart raced. The room began to sway and he found it hard to take in breath. As his legs became weak, he could feel himself leaning to the left. Before he hit the ground, Freeman and Sibaja-Mora caught him.
"Whoa, whoa, easy there. Why don't you have a seat?" Freeman pulled out a chair and the two agents eased him into the seat. Sibaja-Mora could tell that he was going pale. Any second he would pass out. She grabbed his shoulders and pulled them down,
"Put your head down in between your knees. It will stop you from fainting."
Kurt didn't object and he quickly leaned forward, making sure his scalp was parallel to the floor. He noticed that the dark spots in his vision and the vertigo were beginning to subside. His breathing returned to a normal rhythm within a few minutes and he felt safe enough to sit up.
"Listen, Kurt, you really don't have to put yourself through this. I feel bad. I should have just come to get things for you instead of making you relive what happened here," Freeman shook her head, showing disappointment in herself. Kurt looked into her eyes with determination and frowned,
"No. I had to face it some time. Just give me a moment while I gather a few things."
The two agents watched him as he walked past the privacy curtain on the right and reached under the bed. From there, he produced a large, wheeled suitcase and set it on the mattress. In one quick move, he unzipped the top and flipped it open. The next few minutes consisted of him carefully selecting garments, folding them, and placing them in the bag. He disappeared into the bathroom and grabbed the necessary toiletries before returning to the bedroom and dropping them in the middle of the collection. There he stood for a moment, staring blankly at nothing in particular. The realization that he would not be staying here for a long time finally hit him. The images before him began to blur as tears welled up and fell from his eyes. His gaze drifted around the room that he had shared with his boyfriend for so many months. He looked at the nicely made bed where the two greeted the day in each other's arms. Finally, he glanced at the bedside table in the corner of the room and paused. In a silver frame was an image that Rachel had taken of him and Blaine asleep on the couch. Blaine was nestled into Kurt's arms comfortably and both of their cheeks pressed together affectionately. He couldn't think of a time when they were happier than in that photo.
With a quick shiver that brought him back to the present, he walked over to the small table, picked up the frame and admired it for a moment. When he realized that he had been keeping the agents waiting for longer than he had intended, he placed the frame on top of his clothes in the suitcase very gently. It was the most valuable thing he had in that bag.
After swiftly zipping up the suitcase, Kurt grabbed the handle and turned toward the two agents who looked at him with condoling eyes. He sighed heavily and walked toward them,
"I think it is time to go."
Both agents nodded and, as Sibaja-Mora exited, Kurt followed her out with Freeman close behind. He listened to the door slide shut and latch and never looked back.
Being careful not to jostle the ventilator tube, Kurt leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on his fiance's forehead. He could feel the warmth of his skin and felt a pang of worry in his chest. The fever was still present. A very thin coat of sweat covered his brow as well. Kurt was becoming anxious about the tenacity of this high temperature.
"The fever is stubborn, I know." Pam spoke from the corner of the room, curled up in a chair with her high heeled shoes discarded on the floor. Her face appeared defeated and exhausted. Kurt stole one last look at his lover's face, taking note that his eye was healing up well and the bruises were much less noticeable. He pulled up a chair next to Pam and curled his legs up under him in the seat after also discarding his shoes. He knew the two of them would be there for a while, so why be uncomfortable?
Pam reached over from her chair and took Kurt's hand into her lap. He turned to face her and gave her a slight smile, returning the sentiment that he was fatigued. They interlaced fingers and Kurt knew from this tiny gesture where Blaine had inherited his enormous, loving heart. They exchanged no words, but Pam was able to tell Kurt that she loved and cared about him with a simple movement of her hand.
In the quiet of the room, they heard the latch on the door engage as the door slowly opened. A nurse entered with a small cart containing gauze bandages and antiseptic. She acknowledged the two of them in the chairs with a friendly hello and went on with her work. Kurt watched her go to the sink and wash her hands thoroughly before putting on her medical gloves. First, she took a small cloth towel and gently wiped Blaine's forehead and face of the residual sweat. It was evident that she wanted to be as docile as possible. Kurt was thankful for the care she took with her actions.
Carefully, she lifted Blaine's right arm first and began to pull the sheets down past his thighs, exposing his entire naked torso and waist. Several white bandages covered his abdomen and rib cage where the doctors had done the repairs from the gunshot damage. Kurt could see they had been soaked through and needed to be replaced. The nurse turned to Kurt and Pam,
"Would one of you like to assist me in changing his bandages? It will give you a chance to be close to him, if you wish."
Pam and Kurt looked at each other, each of them too polite to ask to be the one to do it. Kurt smiled and squeezed her hand,
"You should do it. You said you wanted to feel closer to him. Here's a great chance." Her eyes expressed gratitude and she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek before standing from her chair. The rush of blood back to her legs made her walk awkwardly to the other side of the bed. The nurse instructed her to wash her hands thoroughly and then handed her a pair of her own medical gloves.
The nurse was careful in her explanations and patient with Pam as they moved through the tasks slowly. As she removed the gauze, she gave Pam a small applicator of disinfectant to rub over the wounds before placing new bandages on them. When the gauze over the burn was removed, Pam had to pause and close her eyes before applying the antiseptic. She still couldn't believe that the fragile form in the bed before her was her own son. What's worse, she couldn't believe that someone would do such horrible things to him.
Kurt approached the foot of the bed and wound his fingers around the railing. As the women continued to work, he began to hum quietly. He hummed the tune of the song that made Blaine fall in love with him. He hummed for his lover. He hummed so that he would maybe feel a sense of normalcy amidst all this horror. He hummed to help his mother feel calmer in this awkward situation.
The nurse smiled and met eyes with him,
"Blackbird?" she inquired. Kurt nodded and smiled back.
As the women finished the last of the bandages, the nurse asked Pam to help her place a hospital gown on him. Even though neither Kurt nor Pam had been taken aback by the nudity, the nurse wanted to give Blaine a bit of privacy. She quickly unhooked the I.V. and oximeter on his right hand so that she and Pam could work his arms through the sleeves and then reattached them to avoid the angry beeps from the machines. Then the nurse asked Pam to gently hoist him up off the pillow so she could tuck the gown behind him.
As she held her son in her arms, she nestled her face into his curls and breathed in his scent. It had been years since she had been able to hold him like a mother and she could feel the tears stinging her eyes. When the nurse finished placing the gown, Pam carefully laid her son back down against the bed, keeping one hand on his cheek. She combed her fingers through his hair with the other hand and was quieted by the stillness of his form. Even though she knew that he was in a medically induced coma, it was frightening to see the son that was so active in such a static position. She continued to comb his hair with her fingers, fearful that letting go would cause him to disappear.
"Now, technically I am not supposed to tell you this, but Nyugen informed me that he was going to do an MRI tomorrow to check the injured areas. If the healing looks good, he hopes to take the chest tube out. He asked me to make a few adjustments to the pressure and O2 of the ventilator so we can see if he still needs support. I will be monitoring the numbers all night. If Dr. Nyugen really likes what he sees in Blaine's readings, he may even get him off the ventilator," when she saw both of their faces light up considerably, she signaled for them to take a pause, "Don't get your hopes up too much. Coming off the ventilator isn't for sure, but I thought you could both use a glimmer of hope."
"Why aren't you supposed to tell us that?" Pam asked.
"Well, technically the doctor is supposed to inform you, not me. Please don't say anything." she winked at both of them, producing a slight chuckle. The nurse turned to the computer screen attached to the ventilator. After pressing a few buttons, the machine made a soft beeping noise, but otherwise nothing seemed to change. Kurt's eyes followed the large blue tubes from the machine all the way to the one in Blaine's mouth. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to need it. Thankfully Blaine was unaware and sleeping peacefully because of the anesthesia.
"Don't worry. We will act surprised," Kurt winked back.
"Thanks. I take my leave now. Remember, we are here to help, so if you need anything just ask." She gave them a friendly smile and then exited the room, pushing the cart slowly in front of her.
Kurt approached Pam from the left. Even though he hadn't really spent much time with her in his McKinley days, he had grown much closer to her over the past couple of days. He knew that her love for Blaine was profound and unfailing. That was more than enough to earn his trust. He laid his head on her shoulder and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She returned the gesture and they interlaced fingers at her shoulder.
"Where is Cooper?"
"He went for a walk in the park across the street," she giggled, "He was irritated that the cop had to go with him. It really did a number on his pride."
Kurt smirked, but it was unseen by her. He stroked her hand with his thumb lovingly and just stared longingly at his fiance. No words could describe how much he wanted to hold Blaine in his arms and feel him embracing him back. Something gave him the impression that Pam wanted the same.
"I wish he could just sleep in peace. I know he's out, but all the machines just look…" Kurt couldn't think of the word.
"Scary?" Pam finished, "I know. That's why Cooper had to leave. He just couldn't stand seeing his little brother like this. He is so very protective of Blaine, even though he has a weird way of showing it. He's blaming himself for this."
Kurt could understand the difficulty of seeing a loved one in Blaine's position, but the self blaming made no sense. How could Cooper consider himself responsible for something he couldn't control? He lifted his head and looked at her,
"Why?"
Pam shrugged, "That's what I said. He just feels an innate responsibility to always protect Blaine. I couldn't convince him otherwise, and that's when he left. Everyone deals with grief differently. I figured I just had to let him be."
He pulled her closer to him and hugged her like she was his own mother. He could tell that she appreciated the gesture not only in her facial expression but in the way she hugged him back. The sounds of the heart monitor and ventilator surrounded them, as if to remind them Blaine was not going to wake up anytime soon. After several minutes of standing in the same place, Kurt heard another sound join in the symphony. In his right ear, he listened to Pam's sniffling and uneven breaths as she tried desperately to stifle her sobs.
"Pam, he is going to be okay. I know it."
Pressing her eyelids together caused the tears to overflow and stream down her face. She took Blaine's hand and brought it to her lips, using it as a way to hide her emotions.
"I feel like such a terrible mother. Blaine is my son and I barely know him. Holding him just now made me feel like I had traveled back in time. It was like I was holding my baby Blaine in my arms again. And then I opened my eyes and all this horror came back to stab me in the gut."
Kurt took her hand and led her back to the chair in the corner of the room. She needed to stop looking at her son and obsessing over how she could help him. After getting her situated in the seat, Kurt knelt down in front of her and held her hands tightly. He needed to convince her that she was wrong and that Blaine loved her dearly. She was his mother, after all. Just because they spent a lot of time apart, did not mean he didn't care for her.
"Blaine loves you dearly. He told me a story recently about you that I thought was so sweet," he sat in his chair, still holding her hands as her gaze following him curiously. "It was about the day after Sue Sylvester had embarrassed him in front of the whole Glee Club. He was hot under the collar and everything people said to him was blown out of proportion. I personally remember him either saying nothing, or blowing up at everyone."
Pam sat quietly and listened. It soothed her to hear about Blaine's past. It helped her escape from reality. Kurt continued, "He mentioned that he felt bad for yelling at you that morning as he left for school. It consumed every conversation that day. He was so ashamed of himself for hurting you. And then he said that he got home and there was a note from you on his bedside table saying how much you loved him and that you wished he would feel better. You know what?" He lifted her chin to look at him. She just blinked and stared back blankly, unsure of how to deal with all of this emotion. She shrugged,
"What?"
"He still has that note. He laminated it and he carries it in his wallet. And whenever he has a really big audition coming up, he rereads it and it boosts his confidence. He loves you and he values your relationship. Even if you don't think he does."
Kurt watched her facial expression evolve over the next thirty seconds. It changed from numb and sorrowful to enlightened and grateful. Kurt felt a sense of triumph and he was glad he had shared that story with her. Her face turned back to the bed and she stood from her chair. Moving slowly and quietly, she approached the bedside and took Blaine's face in her hands. The connection she thought she had lost with her son was always there. There was hope for their relationship. Now all Blaine had to do was wake up.
She leaned in close and placed a gentle kiss on her son's forehead.
"I love you, sweetheart."
She couldn't see it, but Kurt had an enormous smile printed on his face.
Monday:
The numbers meant absolutely nothing to Kurt or Blaine's family, but Dr. Nyugen was staring at the ventilator screen purposefully and with great interest. His face didn't show concern or satisfaction and it was beginning to make Kurt feel restless in his seat. Cooper was watching the man like a hawk. It was as if any wrong move from him would result in an intense, protective attack. Pam just waited patiently in her chair right next to Kurt.
"What can you tell us, Dr. Nyugen?" Surprisingly, Cooper was the first to speak up.
"Well, I am checking the pressure on the ventilator. What I'm looking for is a reading between five and ten. This would indicate that he could breathe without it. Right now he is hovering around eight and nine. This is much better than before, but I would still like to check a few things before making the decision to take him off. He needs to pass a spontaneous breathing trial before I can make my final decision. This basically means, if he can show good oxygen levels and ventilation at very low ventilator settings, meaning closer to four or five, we have the green light. "
He approached the bed and prepared his stethoscope. Kurt watched as he pulled the hospital gown off of Blaine's shoulders and then placed the diaphragm against the left side of his chest. The rest of the room's occupants made sure to keep quiet in order for him to get the best reading. After listening for a short time, he began to tap against Blaine's ribs in different areas, producing a soft beat with each contact. Kurt had no idea what it was for, but he trusted it was for the best. The doctor performed the same test on the other side of Blaine's chest and nodded. Next, he put his stethoscope back in its place around his neck and replaced the gown over Blaine's shoulders. When he turned to the three individuals in the room, they gave him expressions of hope and curiosity.
"His breath sounds are much better than when he arrived on Friday. This is good news. I will have to let the MRI tell me more. So, this would be a good time to get something to eat. The MRI could take a couple of hours."
With the assistance of an orderly and two nurses, the bed was unlocked from its position. Dr. Nyugen walked behind the head of the bed and began to help his three coworkers to push it toward the door. The orderly and one nurse guided the bed at the side handrails while the other nurse made sure to follow with the monitors. Kurt, Cooper and Pam watched as Blaine disappeared into the hallway with the medical staff. They hoped the scan would come back with some glimmer of hope.
One salad, three crying fits and one long walk later, Kurt found himself waiting in the empty ICU room for his boyfriend, wringing his hands together like they were wet rags. The empty space the bed had occupied was playing mind games with him, piquing his anxiety. Images of Blaine flatlining on the way to, or from the MRI kept replaying in his brain. It made no sense, considering he had remained stable since Saturday.
"Kurt, stop doing that," Pam said, grabbing his hands and putting them in her lap. He hadn't realized how much he was pulling at and rubbing his own skin until she snapped him out of his trance. A quick glance at his appendages showed him the red puffiness caused by the constant friction.
"Shit. God dammit. I can't stand this. I need a fucking shrink." Kurt stood from the chair and began walking circles around the room. His nervous energy manifested in the motion of his swinging arms. Pam watched him, flabbergasted and devastated that he was being so hard on himself. After the tenth or eleventh circle of the room, she stopped him with her hands on his chest.
"Kurt," when he didn't look at her, and instead grabbed handfuls of his hair, looked down and began to pant, she knew he was on the verge of a massive panic attack, "Kurt, it's okay." She forced him back to the chair in the corner and he leaned forward with his head between his knees. This was the second panic attack in two days. Thankfully, Pam had recognized the signs and moved him into the relief position before this one got too bad. He felt her docile hand rubbing circles on his back and it helped abate the symptoms.
Mercifully, Dr. Nyugen entered the room just ahead of the nurses and orderlies. The bed appeared in the doorway seconds behind him, moving slowly as it was pushed over the threshold. They carefully maneuvered it to its original spot. Immediately, Kurt noticed that something was different about his boyfriend, but he couldn't put his finger on it. He assumed the doctor would tell him.
It was time for another biology lesson. Kurt knew because Dr. Nyugen had entered with a large tan envelope in his hands again. As the nurses and orderlies were locking the bed in place and getting Blaine settled amongst the sheets, the doctor clipped the MRI images to the mounted wall light and switched it on. These images were much more detailed than the last, and there were several more to examine. When his assistant left the room, he made sure the door was closed before turning to Kurt and Pam to fill them in.
"Kurt, are you okay? I saw you in the relief position. Do you want to wait until I explain this?"
Kurt couldn't shake his head any more vigorously than he was at that moment. He needed details and he needed them now,
"Trust me, Dr. Nyugen, waiting any longer will make my anxiety worse."
Nyugen wasted no more time and pointed to the first set of images,
"It looks like the wounds in the intestines are healing wonderfully. We will keep him on a liquid diet for a few days after he wakes up, and then gradually introduce food. I am actually very happy with his healing as of now. The only thing I want to monitor is his fever. It is still low grade, which means he is out of danger of sepsis, but we want to make sure to keep him on antibiotics to be safe."
Nyugen was happy to see a sudden change in their demeanor. A sparkle of joy appeared, if only for a split second, and it was the first moment of optimism among them in the last few days. He decided to continue to the next detail,
"I have some really good news for you and it is that there was no fluid buildup evident on the MRI. Because of this, we were able to remove the chest tube," the doctor indicated toward the bed and, when Kurt and Pam looked at the side of Blaine's chest, they both smiled. The tube was gone, as was the reservoir which had been collecting the excess fluid. This was definitely a step in the right direction. They looked at each other, joyous in the fact that their loved one was recovering. When they turned back to Dr. Nyugen, he returned the smile and gestured to the second set of images,
"The collapsed lung is healing very well, however I want to keep him on the ventilator for a couple more days. The pressure is still hovering around eight or nine. As soon as he can get to four or five, we will relieve him of it. Based on his trajectory, I wouldn't be surprised if we can take the tube out by Wednesday, but please don't hold me to that."
They both almost cried happy tears. Kurt leaned forward and put his face in his hands letting out an enormous sigh of relief. Dr. Nyugen decided to take that time to do a quick exam of Blaine and walked up to the right side of the bed. With his pen light, he shined light in both of Blaine's eyes. Then, he walked up to the collection of monitors on the opposite side of the bed and checked the readings, hoping to stall enough for his patient's family members to gain their composure.
"So, that's great! All good news, right?" Kurt commented, his voice sounding relaxed for the first time in awhile. The doctor nodded, but seemed slightly apprehensive. Kurt noticed, "What?"
"It's nothing serious, but I wanted to mention that this part of the scan," he approached the image on the mounted light and pointed to an area that appeared to be the spine, "showed significant swelling due to the gunshot wound."
"What does that mean for Blaine?" Pam inquired nervously.
"It could mean nothing. We honestly won't know until he wakes up and can tell us what he feels. I just want to warn you that the swelling could be pushing on his spinal cord and could make his legs weak or numb. Now that you're informed, you can help him to understand what's going on, if need be. He will definitely have to do some physical therapy because this will make him immobile for a while. To help combat that, and to prevent clots from forming, I will have the nurses come and exercise his legs for him."
Kurt propped his chin up on his hand and stared at Blaine in the bed. Dr. Nyugen surmised that he was processing all the information he had been given. The room remained silent as the doctor continued with his duties. He pulled the covers down to Blaine's feet and lifted his legs out. Kurt watched as Nyugen started doing exercises with the patient's limbs. He stood from his chair and walked up to the foot of the bed, observing the steps carefully.
"Can I try that?"
Dr. Nyugen paused for a second and then, seeing the seriousness in Kurt's eyes, shrugged,
"Of course." He stepped away and allowed Kurt to take his place.
Kurt was going to take advantage of anything that brought him closer to his betrothed. Not only would this physical therapy fulfill that, but it would help him in his convalescence. His thin fingers worked their way under Blaine's knee and pulled upward, causing his leg to bend slightly. He moved his right hand under Blaine's ankle and pushed it toward his torso. Blaine's leg bent at the hip and the knee, as if he were riding a bike. Kurt did this motion back and forth several times, but slowly. Dr. Nyugen looked on admirably. Not only was he appreciative of Kurt's willingness to help, but he saluted his devotion to his loved one. Blaine was fortunate to have such a dedicated partner.
"Thank you, Kurt. You can do that any time you wish. It won't hurt him. It can also help you stay focused on something and prevent more panic attacks."
Kurt smiled triumphantly and continued with the PT exercises. The doctor patted him on the back as he turned toward the door. He exchanged a quick wave with Pam,
"I will be in to check on him in a few hours. Take it easy, everyone."
Pam watched Kurt helping Blaine for several minutes. She had no words for what she was feeling. All she knew was Blaine had undoubtedly found the right man. Kurt selflessly jumped in to do whatever he could for him. Pam was certain that Blaine had not met anyone else who had returned so much profound love.
After he finished exercising both of Blaine's legs, he gently laid them back on the bed and brought the covers up to his chest. With careful and gentle hands, he lifted Blaine's arms and placed them on top of the sheets next to his sides. A quick glance at Blaine's face gave him pause. His expression changed from calm and caring to concerned. He disappeared into the bathroom and started rummaging through the drawers. Pam listened, but did not move. She did not want to interfere with his tasks. Within seconds, she heard the water running and knew exactly what he was doing.
Holding a wet rag in his hand, he approached the bed once more and began to gently wipe the sweat from Blaine's face. Pam's eyes followed Kurt's hands carefully. She was observant of how incredibly docile his movements were, as if any excess pressure would cause his lover to shatter. Pam broke the silence,
"You know what I thought when I found out that he proposed to you?" she asked. Kurt didn't turn back to face her, but responded,
"What was that?"
"I thought you two are way too young. It's going to fall apart." She was apprehensive as she shared her opinion with so much candor. Kurt didn't flinch.
"You wouldn't be the only one who did."
"But, I know now that I was wrong," Pam's voice was breaking and it was probably the only thing that could focus his attention elsewhere. When he looked at her, his face conveyed feelings of confusion. Not about what she said, but in regards to her sudden flood of emotion. Within seconds, her petite form was standing beside him. Her hand stroked Kurt's cheek lightly and he could see her bottom lip quivering.
"Pam?"
"You two should undoubtedly get married. I know because you are living your vows before you have even exchanged them. In sickness and in health. You are showing that right now. Your selflessness is the most endearing thing I have ever witnessed, Kurt. I can't see Blaine living his life with anyone else. You are his soulmate, and I am so glad he found you."
She wrapped her arm around his waist and laid her cheek against his arm. He was completely taken by surprise by her kindness. Never before had anyone so eloquently described his relationship with Blaine with such praise. He had to fight back his own tears of gratitude as he returned the gesture by gently kissing the top of her head. He felt her squeeze his waist and took that as an affirmation.
No more words were exchanged. With the monitors and ventilator creating their own quiet symphony, Kurt continued to delicately wash his boyfriend's forehead of the sweat.
Tuesday
Freeman and Sibaja-Mora were adamant that Kurt accompany them to the FBI headquarters. To Kurt's chagrin, they had called him down from the ICU to tell him this, and taken him away from caring for his boyfriend. A trip downtown was more than an hour commitment and it put Kurt in a slightly sour mood. At first he had objected, saying there was no way he was leaving Blaine. But these two women had a way with words. They were also incredibly talented in the art of manipulation and had effectively turned his friends against him. When he arrived in the hospital lobby to meet them, he saw Sam and Cooper standing next to the two agents. Upon hearing his disinclination, Cooper and Sam spoke up, saying that it was probably really important if they had come all the way down to the hospital instead of calling. All he could do was roll his eyes as he gave in.
"Remember, Kurt, they are here to help catch these assholes. Don't you want them to be punished for what they did?" Sam asked. He did have a point, and Kurt did want justice. He was just nervous to leave his boyfriend in the fear that something would happen in his absence. He also wasn't sure he was ready to see the faces of the men who tortured him. He had gone more than 24 hours without having to look at them and he noticed he was more at peace because of it.
As predicted, Sibaja-Mora pulled her sedan into the designated spot of the FBI parking garage an hour and a half after they had all departed the hospital. Kurt rolled his eyes from the back seat with his arms folded in front of him like a pouty child. Sam shoved his face so closely to Kurt's that it made him flinch.
"Come on, grumpy face." Sam grabbed Kurt's arm and dragged him out of the back of the sedan. He couldn't believe his friend had subjected him to such unacceptable treatment. As soon as his feet were on the concrete floor of the parking garage, his protests started,
"Excuse me, what did you call me?"
Sam laughed at Kurt's diva face, "I called you grumpy face. Stop whining. We are here for a good reason, now turn around and follow the agents into the building, would you?"
Kurt knew he had no argument. And after a moment of self reflection, he started to realize that he was being rather rash. He had not hesitated to talk to the agents before, but they had brought all the information to the hospital. His sole source of anxiety was being away from Blaine. Cooper could sense it, and he pulled Kurt against him with an arm around his shoulders,
"Blaine is in good hands. Even better, he is improving every day. Don't worry about him, Kurt. Focus on the here and now."
This was rich coming from the man who was in a puddle of guilt only the day before. He gave Cooper a judgmental look, taking him aback. He shrugged, as if to ask him what was wrong. Kurt knew what he was about to say might hurt, but Cooper needed to hear it,
"I will focus on the here and now when you drop your guilt for everything that has happened to Blaine."
His smile immediately melted away. He said nothing else to Kurt, but continued to walk with his arm around him. Cooper knew that Kurt's comment came from a place of love, but being confronted about his feelings was not something he was prepared for. Kurt had effectively silenced him.
The agents led them through several doors, down several hallways, left, right, and straight. By the time they had all reached their destination, Kurt's head was spinning. It appeared similar to the conference room at the hospital with a long table surrounded by several office chairs. On the wall opposite them was a large screen. Kurt was feeling deja vu and his body shivered in the fear he would have to look at the horrifying images of his attackers. Sam could sense his tension and, much like the first meeting they had with these agents, he sat next to Kurt and acted as his source of support.
Agent Freeman wasted no time getting started with the presentation. She pressed the small button on a long black remote and an image appeared on the screen. Cooper recognized it as the entrance to the Presidential where he and Pam had been staying. With the push of a button, a video came to life.
"So, we have had your decoys living out your routines for the last few days. Let me tell you, gentlemen, it has appeared to be successful. You will see here, that we have an FBI car outside your hotel," she pointed to Cooper, "and they have collected a lot of useful footage for us."
Nothing seemed terribly out of place, as passers-by walked in front of the hotel entrance and disappeared from the frame. It looked like a normal, mundane weekday to the three of them. Then, from the left side of the screen, they saw Christian approach the building and lean against the support pillar, just like Elias had done days ago. It appeared that they were changing their routines and switching who they spied on.
"We think that they are falling for the decoys." Sibaja-Mora mentioned.
The two doppelgangers of Cooper and Pam exited the hotel and approached what looked like an Uber car. Sibaja-Mora pointed to the vehicle, "We also have an undercover agent posing as a driver for their safety. But you will notice that they are getting familiar with your routines."
The picture changed to a night shot of the hotel. Sure enough, Christian reappeared leaning against the same spot, as the Uber arrived, the decoys exited and walked into the hotel. Christian brought no attention to himself. He just watched and then walked away.
"Then, our second stakeout took this footage outside your apartment, Kurt. We think Elias is getting braver. We have noticed that he is getting closer and closer each day."
The three men were shown a series of videos displaying the front of the Bushwick apartment. The camera was focused down the street, displaying the sidewalk and the entrance to the apartment on the far right side of the screen. In each video, Elias waited outside. At first, he was several doors down. Then, each new image showed him becoming more brazen, as he encroached on the stairs to the entryway. Each day, he watched intently as Kurt's decoy left the apartment and got into an unmarked sedan that pulled away from the curb.
Sibaja-Mora noticed that Kurt looked inquisitive as he watched the footage,
"What's on your mind, Hummel?" she asked. He shrugged,
"I guess, I don't understand what he is waiting for. He has had several opportunities to walk into the apartment when my decoy came home at night. Why hesitate?"
Freeman nodded,
"Excellent question. The short answer is we don't know for sure. We speculate that he is aware 'you' as in your decoy, is going to the hospital in an FBI vehicle. We also know that the whole gang is aware of our presence at the hospital outside Blaine's room and staked out at the hospital entrance. While he is crazy, he's not dumb. We think maybe he is just waiting for the right moment."
"Are the decoys helping at our hotel?" Sam inquired. Both agents nodded and changed the screen to display footage outside the Hilton. Similar to Cooper and Pam's decoys, this time Peter watched both of them exit the building and climb into an unmarked FBI vehicle standing in as an Uber. As far as the agents were concerned, they had die Stärke right where they wanted them.
"So what are the next steps?" Kurt asked. His hands tensed around his arms. If he had it his way, he would take a cab back to Bushwick and take Elias down with his own hands. Being reintroduced to their faces had not brought him fear, but rage. He wanted revenge, and he could feel the adrenaline coursing through his veins.
"We will continue to monitor the three buildings and their behavior. You saw yourself that Elias is getting very close to your apartment. Each of the decoys has two agents at their designated place. So, if Elias were to show up, they could easily subdue him. We have eyes and ears all over that neighborhood, Kurt. If they are ready to pounce, we will know."
Sam and Cooper appeared very satisfied with what they had just seen. For once, they felt like they were getting close to the justice that Kurt and Blaine deserved. However, when they both looked at Kurt, they could sense there was something stirring in him. He looked about ready to jump out of his seat and shout. Cooper grabbed Kurt's arm,
"What's wrong?" he asked. When his eyes met the piercing blues of Blaine's brother, there was a sudden moment of realization. Cooper didn't have time to stop him,
"I want to go with you when you move in on them."
Freeman and Sibaja-Mora stopped dead in their tracks as their incredulous gazes met Kurt's. He could see that they were about to give him a lecture that he was in no mood to hear. Freeman put the remote down and sighed heavily. Kurt was not backing down.
"You know that will be a monumental task to get my supervisor to let me do that, right?"
Kurt shrugged, "I don't care. I am going to be there."
Sibaja-Mora motioned for Sam and Cooper to follow her. They stood from their seats and were led out into the hallway, leaving Kurt and Freeman to stare each other down. As Freeman closed the distance between them Kurt stood from his chair, looking like he was about to engage in a physical altercation. He balled his hands into fists and held them rigidly at his sides. His furrowed brow suggested there was nothing Freeman could say that would convince him otherwise.
"Kurt, I am going to be honest with you. We are dealing with internationally wanted criminals right now. What makes you think that any of the FBI higher ups would even think of letting you come near them for a second, especially since you have already been attacked by them?"
For a moment, Kurt was silent, but his facial expression did not change. He was steadfast in his demands and Freeman admired that. But he was letting his anger and need for revenge to cloud his judgement.
"Because it's personal, Agent Freeman. You said it yourself. When they were in Texas attacking black people, you felt it. It hit you close to home. Well, these assholes literally brought it to my home. He nearly killed my fiance in front of me. He almost killed me. How much more personal can it get than that? I'm not saying I want to be the one to put on the cuffs. I just want to watch as he is taken into custody and maybe get some closure. I can hide in one of the FBI cars. Just let me have this moment. I'm begging you."
As he spoke, Kurt's tone changed from enraged to deeply imploring and almost apologetic. Freeman watched his psyche evolve before her eyes to show how much this experience had truly scarred him.
"This," she pointed to him, now with tears streaming down his face and his voice trembling, "this is why I can't risk it. You risk either getting so pissed off that you attack him and get yourself killed, or you have a panic attack and take one of my agents away from protecting the rest of us."
Kurt crumpled into a chair, hugging himself in a self soothing motion. He felt utterly defeated, but deep down he knew she was coming from a place of reason. Her face appeared in his field of view as she knelt in front of him and took his hands in hers,
"Kurt, I am not saying you haven't suffered. I am not saying that you don't deserve justice or closure. I just don't want all of the work you have done to help us go down the drain by getting yourself killed. Are you feeling me?" she waited patiently for some kind of response. Kurt remained a statue, showing nothing in his face this time. Freeman was getting frustrated, but she could relate to his stubbornness,
"God damn, you are a pain in the ass."
After a moment's silence, they both shared a quiet chuckle. Kurt's gaze turned toward the floor, showing that he had finally succumbed.
"Look, I will do what I can," Freeman said. She pulled Kurt's chin up to make him look at her, "But don't get your hopes up, okay?"
After an exchange of looks that showed a mutual understanding, Kurt stood from his chair and let out a deep sigh. Freeman motioned toward the door,
"Shall we?"
As they were exiting the meeting room, Kurt happened to look into another office across the hall and stopped dead in his tracks. The individual seated in the uncomfortable metal chair beside the interrogation table was not someone Kurt expected to see this soon. With his elbows on the table and his face in his hands, Ignacio appeared panicked and neurotic. He exhibited nervous behavior of someone who was guilty of something.
Without asking for permission, Kurt nearly stormed into the room much to the chagrin of the two agents escorting him. Ignacio almost leapt out of his chair, scared for his life. He pushed himself as far away from Kurt as he could, afraid of some kind of retaliation for what he had done.
"Kurt, come on. You have no business being in here," he heard Cooper's voice behind him and just held his hand up to silence him. Ignacio remained frozen in the chair, too terrified to say anything. The sad thing was that Kurt wasn't even angry. He was just so surprised and elated to see that he was alright, that his emotions had gotten the better of him. His face was full of questions, nothing more.
"Ignacio…" he only uttered one word, and the usually bubbly barista crumpled into a pile of sobs and wails.
"I am so sorry, amigo. I am so so sorry. I didn't mean for anything to happen! They they just…"
Kurt didn't allow him to finish his sentence. He walked around the table and knelt down in front of Ignacio. The barista had recoiled, covering his head with his arms as his sobs continued. He just kept repeating over and over that he was so sorry. Kurt closed the distance between them by pulling him into a warm embrace,
"Ignacio, I don't blame you for anything. Neither does Blaine."
The barista shook his head and tried to push away from Kurt's hug.
"But I led them right to you, amigo. You were hurt because of me."
Agents Freeman and Sibaja-Mora rushed into the room, wondering what the commotion was. When they saw Ignacio in a heap on the chair, trying to get away from Kurt, they almost intervened. Kurt gestured to them that it was okay and to hold off.
"IGNACIO!" The sudden raising of Kurt's voice made him flinch as he stared into his friend's eyes, dumbfounded. He froze and waited for the swing of Kurt's fist. But, to his surprise, Kurt just smiled and stroked his cheek lightly with the outside of his hand. "You didn't do anything. What happened to us was the choice of the gang members and no one else. Ignacio, they told us that they threatened you. What else could you do? We don't expect you to die for us. You did what you had to."
Ignacio went from terrified to relieved in a split second. His body went from rigid to relaxed as he let his arms fall to his sides. They stared at each other for what seemed to be hours. Freeman approached from behind and tapped Kurt on the shoulder,
"It's time to go, Hummel. He needs to give his official statement so we can let him go home."
Kurt nodded and gave Ignacio one final embrace before walking to the door. He turned back to the barista and smiled,
"It's okay, Ignacio. Remember, we don't blame you."
Ignacio held his hand out, signaling for Kurt to wait a moment, "Is Blaine okay, amigo?"
Kurt nodded, "He will be. And you can bet we will be back to see you at your coffee stand in no time."
Ignacio pointed at him with both hands as his face beamed,
"That's the Kurt I know! Thank you, amigo. It means the world to me!"
They gave each other a final farewell and Kurt walked out of the room. As he followed the agents out of the building, he couldn't help but feel a sense of triumph. A friendship had been saved and a man no longer felt overwhelming guilt for something that was not his fault. Kurt never would have forgiven himself if he had just walked by.
Wednesday:
"So, what does that mean?"
Pam's inquiry had everyone on the edge of their seats. The room was alive with activity this morning. Promptly and 9 A.M. Dr. Nyugen had entered Blaine's room with two nurses and started checking all of the readings on the machines. After standing at the ventilator for a few minutes, he had mentioned,
"It looks like he was able to make it through the last day and a half on a pressure reading of 5 or less."
The stunned silence indicated to Dr. Nyugen that what he said made no sense. Even though he had explained it to them more than once, Kurt knew that doctors spoke a language he would never understand. All he remembered was that lower pressure was a good sign.
"It means that we can take him off the ventilator today."
Kurt, Pam and Cooper all nearly jumped out of their seats. Kurt's eyes welled up as he covered his face with his hands, trying to stifle his excitement. Cooper and Pam embraced. Kurt saw his face beam like he hadn't seen in a long time. This was the moment they had been waiting for.
Dr. Nyugen gave an order to the nurses who promptly pulled up a cart from the wall opposite the bed. One of them began to pull out a couple of blue towels while the other walked to the head of the bed and moved it into a fully horizontal position. After prepping himself with medical gloves and pushing a few buttons on the ventilator, Dr. Nyugen stood next to the machine and watched for a moment. A look of satisfaction signaled the nurse at the head of the bed to remove the two large tubes from the mechanism in Blaine's mouth. Then, they waited again. The doctor kept a close eye on the monitors, but said nothing. Kurt, Pam and Cooper were holding each other's hands tightly at this point. Sweat began to pool in their palms as they waited in anticipation. Kurt just wanted to be able to speak to Blaine. Going nearly five days without hearing his boyfriend's voice had been more torture to him than he could have imagined. What was worse, he had not been able to taste his luscious lips and he was beginning to feel deprived of the erotic sensation it gave him.
"Okay, he is breathing on his own. I will remove it." the doctor spoke quietly to the nurses as he took the place of the one at the head of the bed. A smaller tube was still protruding from Blaine's mouth. Dr. Nyugen encircled his fingers around it and, in one swift motion, pulled it from Blaine's throat. He laid the tube on one of the blue towels that had been laid out across Blaine's chest. The blue strap and mechanism over his mouth was removed, revealing the face that had been hiding for so long.
Dr. Nyugen dismissed his assistants, who made sure to give Kurt and Blaine's family a reassuring smile before exiting the room. The doctor continued to watch the monitors.
"What are you looking for?" Kurt inquired.
"I am just looking at his oxygen levels and making sure they don't decline."
Kurt looked at Blaine's face. His heart began to pound against his sternum. He felt like he was looking at the man for the first time in his life. That rush of exhilaration hit him like a freight train. Knowing that he was going to be able to have a conversation with the love of his life after thinking he was going to die filled his heart to the brim.
Kurt got to his feet and rushed to the foot of the bed. He looked at the doctor expectantly,
"Can he hear us?"
"He has been able to hear you this whole time, Kurt."
Kurt stretched his arms over the foot of the bed and gently placed them on the sheets just above Blaine's ankles. He opened and closed his fingers in a fanning motion, as if to massage the skin below the covers,
"We are here, Blaine. We love you."
Dr. Nyugen nodded after looking at the monitors and moved to the left side of the bed. Hanging from a hook near the head of the bed was a long, thin tube. As he uncoiled it, Kurt became curious,
"What's that?"
"It's a nasal cannula. His oxygen is a little lower than I would like, so I'm just going to give him a little help."
The prongs of the cannula were placed in Blaine's nose as the tube was tucked behind his ears and fastened under his chin. Kurt wiggled his face, remembering the odd sensation of having his own in a few days before. Despite the uncomfortable memory, Kurt was elated to see Blaine slowly returning to normal. He was now hooked up to significantly less medical equipment and he was gaining his strength.
"It looks like his fever is also down, so that is also good news. He is really making good progress, guys. I am very optimistic."
"Blaine's a fighter, that's certain." Cooper piped up from the corner of the room, his face absolutely beaming.
Kurt observed Dr. Nyugen as he continued his ritual. One particular step required him to pull a syringe from the cart across the room. This piqued Kurt's interest,
"What's that for?"
"I am going to start weaning him off the drugs so…'
"You're going to wake him up?" Pam's excitement was evident in her voice. The doctor nodded, his face returning the excitement. He carefully inserted the needle into the I.V. lead on Blaine's arm and pushed in the plunger. As the medicine was administered, Kurt kept a close eye on Blaine's face. Dr. Nyugen noticed and chuckled lightly,
"It will take awhile for this to counteract the anesthesia, Kurt. You might want to take a seat. The average time is about twenty minutes." The drug was fully administered and the doctor discarded of the syringe appropriately before turning back to the three visitors,
"Make yourself comfortable. I will come back in about fifteen minutes to see how he comes out of the anesthesia."
Kurt immediately grabbed his chair from the back of the room and pushed it to the side of the bed. There was no way he was going to miss a second of interacting with his soulmate after being deprived of it for so long. Working his fingers under Blaine's hand, he pulled it up to his face and deposited a soft kiss on his knuckles. Despite the doctor saying it could take awhile for him to wake up, Kurt secretly hoped he could jostle his boyfriend back to the world of the conscious. To his chagrin, the kiss did nothing to stir him.
Cooper walked over to the opposite side of the bed and combed his fingers through his brother's messy curls. Tears were welling up in his eyes, and Kurt knew it was his overwhelming happiness that was bringing up so much emotion. He was happy to see he had started to leave the guilt behind. His role as an older brother weighed heavily on his shoulders, but none of what he saw before him was a result of his actions. Kurt was grateful to see Cooper coming out of the negative place he was once in. Pam looked on from her chair with the same level of gratification.
"Cooper, are you familiar with the song 'Baby, It's Cold Outside'?"
Cooper's eyebrow rose in confusion as he snickered,
"Yes, but why?"
"It was the first song Blaine and I sang together. Would you mind singing it with me softly? Maybe it will help him come out of the haze faster."
Cooper's eyes lit up. He looked at Kurt and, poking his bottom lip out while touching his chest, he gave him an expression of endearment,
"That is so adorably you two. I would be honored to sing with you, Kurt. Lead the way."
The beeping monitor was drowned out by the harmonizing of the two men. Pam listened joyfully and even began to snap her fingers to the beat. With the assistance of the sunlight filtering through the windows, the somber ambiance of the room was beginning to turn around. Every few bars, Kurt made sure to give Blaine's hand a gentle squeeze. His impatience was getting the better of him. He wanted to see those honey-colored irises looking back at him.
After three duets between Cooper and Kurt, Dr. Nyugen entered the room. He stopped momentarily before approaching the bed and, looking at Pam incredulously, pointed at the two men. His face looked at her quizzically,
"When were they going to tell me they could do that?" he joked. They exchanged smiles as Pam held out her hand for him. He took it hesitantly and she held it affectionately,
"I want to thank you for everything you have done for Blaine. Your patience and your determination has helped him get this far. Thank you for treating our family with dignity." Dr. Nyugen just patted the top of her hand and smiled,
"It has been my pleasure. Remember, the journey isn't done yet. You can't get rid of me that easily," he joked. Pam chuckled and he walked to the foot of the bed.
The singing had died down as the room was once again filled with only the soft beeping of the monitor. As the minutes ticked by, the four of them continued to count the number beeps they heard, hoping they would increase. Kurt's eyes were glued to his fiance's face. He continued to hold Blaine's hand against his cheek and give it a gentle squeeze every now and then. He hoped for the moment that Blaine would squeeze back.
Soon, they all saw Blaine's eyes begin to move under his eyelids. This continued for several minutes as his senses slowly returned to him. Kurt noticed that the beeping of the heart monitor was beginning to increase, another indication of him regaining consciousness. His heart almost leapt out of his chest when he felt Blaine's fingers curl around his hand. The moment was short lived, however. As his long eyelashes fluttered, the heart monitor was going dangerously fast. The doctor looked on nervously,
"Blaine? Can you hear me? Can you say something?"
Next, they watched as Blaine moved his head ever so slightly to the left and right as if searching for the voice he just heard. Finally, his eyelids lifted as he looked directly at Cooper. With tears streaming down his face, Cooper put his hand on top of his little brother's head,
"Hey, buddy. Welcome back."
The normal cadence of his breathing began to increase, his breaths becoming more erratic. His heart rate increased yet again as his face began to search around him confusion.
"Kurt…? Kurt?!" there was a sense of panic in his voice as he searched desperately for his soulmate. Kurt stood up and leaned into the bed,
"Blaine, I'm right here. Look at me, Blaine."
The dark haired man's face turned abruptly in Kurt's directions. His eyes were now wide and full of terror. Blaine began to pant heavily as he squeezed Kurt's hand hard enough to make him flinch,
"KURT! THEY'RE HERE! THEY'RE GOING TO KILL YOU! YOU HAVE TO GET OUT!"
The words that had previously come out as nervous and uncomfortable were now in the form of hoarse shouts and wails of terror. He began to search the room frantically for answers as his brow glistened with a thin coat of sweat.
"Okay, Blaine, I need you to calm down." Dr. Nyugen squeezed in behind Kurt and began to administer something into the I.V. bag.
Suddenly, Blaine shot up into a sitting position. Immediately, he felt the consequences of this as he hunched over and groaned. Cooper took his other hand and tried massaging it, much like Kurt was doing to the other. Kurt reached his hand over to Blaine's face and turned it toward him. It wasn't until his blue irises met the Blaine's hazel ones that he paused for a moment. His breathing was still erratic and his heart rate still high, but at least he wasn't writhing around enough to hurt himself.
"Blaine. It's me. I'm right here. We are both safe now, okay?"
Blaine's eyes looked lost. It was almost as if he didn't recognize his own fiance before him. As a glimmer of recognition came in the form of a slight smile, Kurt noticed Blaine's eyelids beginning to close. Whatever the doctor had given him was beginning to kick in. His grip on Kurt's hand loosened, allowing the blood to flow to his fingers again. Blaine and Cooper helped him ease back onto the pillow and soon noticed the beeping beginning to slow.
Kurt placed his hand on Blaine's forehead,
"Just keep breathing, Blaine. Take it easy. Remember, we are safe now. You have nothing to worry about. Just relax."
Before he could say anything else, Blaine's eyes drifted closed and he fell into a deep sleep again. Kurt brought the dark haired man's hand to his lips and began to leave kisses in several places. He was so overcome by what had just happened that he was afraid to let go of his boyfriend.
"What the hell was that?" Cooper was the first to verbalize what was on everyone's mind.
"He has been in a coma for several days. Sometimes patient's come out highly disoriented. It's nothing to worry about, especially considering what he has been through."
Kurt didn't care what everyone else thought. He had to be closer to his betrothed. This time, he leaned over and pressed his lips against Blaine's. Even though he knew he wouldn't get a kiss in return, he had to fulfill that one thing he had waited to do since Blaine had been placed on the ventilator. While still holding onto Blaine's hand, he placed his other on his lover's face and began to kiss him everywhere while being careful not to disturb the oxygen tube. He kissed his forehead, his cheeks, his chin, and his nose. Tears welled up in his eyes at the realization that he was finally able to touch Blaine the way he always had.
"I think it is time we move him from the ICU. I will arrange to have him placed in his own room. You should expect to see a couple of people come up in a bit to collect him. And, since he is being moved, he will be able to receive visitors. I would just recommend that you let him gain his composure first."
Dr. Nyugen took the stunned silence as a signal to exit. When the door closed behind
him, Pam burst into a fit of sobs from her chair. Cooper ran to her and pulled her into a protective embrace. Seeing her son so incredibly frightened had done a number on her senses.
She felt so helpless and it just made her guilt weigh more strongly on her heart. Kurt just remained at Blaine's side. While he wouldn't admit it to the others, the last few moments had terrified him. Seeing the look of horror on Blaine's face brought him back to that traumatic night. The only other time the two of them had exchanged such expressions was when they were close to death. As his heart pounded against his sternum, he pulled his lover's hand up to his chest and kissed it. He hoped that the next time he looked into those beautiful eyes, he would see him look back happily.
Thursday
Images came and went before his eyes. Emotions poured in and disappeared. One second, he was consumed by terror, and the next his body was brimming with joy and relaxation. What was happening? Were these dreams? Was he gliding between consciousness and nightmares? The only concrete thing he could grasp were his memories. Eyes were looking back at him with hate, mouths were spitting hateful words, and fists were landing relentlessly on his body. He was consumed by pain that was not just physical but mental. Images of his soulmate enduring the same horror came back to him. He could feel his heart pounding against his chest, but he couldn't move to help him. Then, his vision was once again overtaken by darkness.
He heard his lover's voice from a distance. It came first as an echo with no discernible words. Gradually he could make out a message,
"Blaine. It's me. I'm right here. We are both safe now, okay?"
Safe? What did that mean? How could he be safe when his mind was so clouded and his body so full of pain. As the light crept between his eyelids, he was met with a foreign environment and strange faces. He felt warmth in his right hand, and then squeezed in an attempt to ground himself. Amidst the blur of the light, his eyes met the face he was trying so desperately to find. The baby blue eyes looked back with concern. He wanted to reach out and touch his face. But then the fear ate him from the inside out. They were here, ready to pounce. He had to get Kurt to safety. His words came out automatically. He pleaded with his soulmate, telling him to run. He had to get away and hide. When an unfamiliar face appeared in his field of vision, it was seconds before the darkness once again took hold.
Blaine reemerged more gradually this time. The plethora of emotions was lessened. He forced himself to focus on his senses and what they were picking up. His ears were the most attentive at the moment and he listened carefully to the sounds around him. There weren't many. The first he noticed was the light beeping sound of some kind of machine. Aside from that he was surrounded by silence. In an attempt to interpret the sounds, he decided to move on to what he could physically feel.
The warmth in his right hand returned, this time as a source of comfort. He felt fingers interlace with his own as his body was overtaken with pure bliss. He recognized the feel of this person's skin and it caused his heart to flutter. He risked a squeeze and could feel Kurt tense up next to him. His voice reached his ears, laced with surprise and worry,
"Blaine? Blaine, are you with me?"
More warmth. This time on his forehead and running through his hair. He couldn't help but smile, albeit weakly, as he felt his soulmate's love pour into him. It was at this moment that he continued to survey the other sensations around him.
The softness of the bed below him helped to dull the aching that came from his midsection. On his left hand, he noticed something constricting his fingers. It was something metal and sturdy. An attempt to make a fist failed, and he decided to let it be for now. He moved his awareness to the skin of his abdomen and chest. He could feel the stickiness of the medical tape and the softness of the gauze against his skin. Every breath reinforced the sensation, giving his skin a soft pull as it held on. Finally, his attention focused on his face where he felt plastic against his nose and cheeks. The gentleness of Kurt's hand in his hair distracted him. It was time for him to open his eyes.
First he saw large, blurry shapes shrouded in light. Over the next few minutes, his visual acuity improved and he could discern the bed from the floor and the walls. His eyes searched his surroundings for something familiar. The sheets, the gown covering his body, the I.V. and gauze on his skin were all foreign. A gentle hand touched his cheek and pulled his face to the right. Kurt stared back at him, his eyes welling with joyful tears. Before any words were spoken, Kurt leaned in and pressed his lips against Blaine's.
Blaine wanted to hold him. He wanted to pull him into the bed and never let him go. But his body was overcome with weakness. He could barely lift his head off the pillow. His limbs felt like lead and his muscles protested when he wanted to lift his arm.
When Kurt pulled away, Blaine smiled weakly at him,
"Hello, beautiful," he said, in a raspy whisper. He was suddenly aware of the dryness of his throat. A forceful swallow did nothing to relieve the discomfort. Kurt noticed his unease,
"Water?" he offered. Blaine nodded and remained still as his boyfriend disappeared from his view. He closed his eyes and took in the sounds of water being poured into a cup. When the sound of Kurt's footsteps came closer, he tried to push himself into a sitting position. The overwhelming discomfort in his torso and his crippling weakness forced him back against the pillow. He felt Kurt's hand on his chest,
"No, no. Let me get it for you," Kurt moved the cup close to Blaine's face, allowing him to take the water in through a straw. The coldness of the liquid was a relief to his dry throat as he swallowed in large gulps. "The doctor said you would be weak when you came to."
Blaine chuckled as he finished the last few sips and laid back.
"He wasn't wrong." the sound exited his lips with ease this time as he gave a sigh of relief. After Kurt deposited the cup on the nearby tray, he pulled his chair as close as he could to the bed and stroked Blaine's cheek with his fingers. They stared at each other for several minutes before Blaine spoke again, "Why am I so damn tired?" he closed his eyes and sighed heavily.
"You've been in a medically induced coma for close to five days."
Blaine looked confused,
"Why? What…" he surveyed his body again, taking in what had changed since he was last conscious, "what happened to me?"
Kurt took a moment to gather his thoughts. The conversation they were about to have was sure to be mentally and emotionally taxing.
"Elias shot you, Blaine. Your lung collapsed and you had to be on a ventilator until yesterday."
The memories came flooding back. Elias was approaching them with his gun aimed. He had a firm inclination to kill them then and there. Blaine had his hands on Kurt's chest and forced him away, turning toward his attacker. The gun went off twice, but Blaine didn't see it. He had his eyes closed tightly, ready for the blow. He didn't remember any pain. It was just the overwhelming sensation of his breath escaping his body. After his back hit the floor, the memories were blurry at best.
Blaine was suddenly aware of the metal on his left hand as he brought it up toward his face. His middle and ring fingers were fastened in a tight splint. There was no pain, but he was taken aback by the fact that he couldn't bend them. Then, a sudden realization hit him,
"It's my fret hand. Two of my fret fingers were snapped by that jackass giant." Blaine's voice was laced with worry as he continued to stare at his injured appendages. When he turned to face Kurt, he saw no fear looking back at him. It didn't put his mind at ease, however. "Am I ever going to be able to play guitar again? Piano?" He felt a reassuring hand on his arm,
"Blaine, the splint hasn't even come off yet. Stop jumping to conclusions."
"What if my fingers are too weak to make chords?" he asked, his voice sounding like a scared child's. Kurt shook his head,
"They might be weak at first, but the therapist will help you strengthen them she…." Kurt's voice trailed off as Blaine's attention was directed elsewhere. He had spent so much time focusing on his fingers, he hadn't realized that there was little to no sensation below his waist. He was aware of his legs, but he could barely feel them. Focusing on his toes, Blaine tried to tell his brain to move them. Either his legs had fallen asleep, or the message was not making it to his feet because...
"Oh my God, Kurt. Why can't I feel my legs?"
Blaine had cut him off in his explanation of the upcoming physical therapy. He could tell by his expression that it was a subject he had been trying to avoid. The stunned silence made Blaine start to panic,
"Kurt, you're not talking."
"You're not paralyzed if that's what you're wondering. The tissue around your spine is swollen and it is pushing on your spinal cord because one of the bullets went right through you. The doctor said you might have some weakness. That's another reason the therapist is scheduled to work with you. Here, let's have a look see."
Kurt stood from his chair, releasing his grip on Blaine's hand. Blaine watched him pull the sheets away and lay them in a collection at the foot of the bed. When Kurt worked his hand under his knee, Blaine could feel the pressure, but little else. The sensation was similar to the dead limb feeling he had when circulation was cut off as he slept. However, he wasn't feeling the sudden rush and tingling that he normally got in those instances because his limbs were simply too weak to move on his own.
"What are you feeling? Can you tell that my hand is here?" Kurt began to survey Blaine's condition. Blaine nodded,
"Sort of."
"Try lifting your leg at your hip."
Blaine concentrated. Focusing all of his energy on one particular part of his body was strange to him. But he pushed himself to tense the muscles in his thigh. Using his core to assist, he could feel his leg begin to move toward him, but only centimetres. He tried harder, but got little to no result. That movement alone was draining him and he let his limbs fall limply against Kurt's hand, while panting with exhaustion. He felt so defeated, even as Kurt smiled triumphantly in response to the little movement he made.
"That tires me out. I've never felt so weak in my life."
Kurt took over with the exercises. Working his other hand under Blaine's ankle, he began to lift his knee toward his torso, much like a scissor kick exercise. Blaine closed his eyes and concentrated on the sensations he was feeling. Mostly, he was happy to be this close to his boyfriend again. While he had been unaware of the last few days, his mind felt it had been a significant amount of time since he was last in Kurt's arms.
"Any difference?"
Blaine continued to assess what sensations were coming to him. He did notice something,
"It's kind of like a light switch. When my leg is in one position I feel very little. But when you bring it up to my chest, it's kind of like it just fell asleep and I can feel a tingling from my hip to my toes."
"That's good news!" a man in a pristine white coat with short black hair and thin framed glasses entered the room. His face was absolutely beaming as he spread his arms out before him, almost like he was going to hug the two of them. He appeared pleased with the physical therapy that was occurring. Blaine returned the smile, but had no idea who he was. The doctor could see his confusion and he took Blaine's hand in his own,
"Blaine, it is a pleasure to meet you. I am Dr. Nyugen and I have been looking after you since you came in Friday evening." As Blaine shook hands with him, Kurt spoke up while he continued with the exercises,
"And he has been amazing, might I add."
"I appreciate it, Kurt," the doctor looked sheepish, "but It is your strength that has brought you back to us. Now, I just wanted to come in and check in with you. It's the first time we have had a chance to speak to one another. Is there anything I can help explain for you, Blaine?"
Dr. Nyugen stood patiently next to the bed and began to prepare his stethoscope by placing the prongs in his ears. Blaine said nothing and just stared ahead, almost frozen. The doctor took it as a signal that he was thinking of what to say and placed the diaphragm against his chest.
"Deep breath in," Blaine inhaled, feeling the air fill his lungs. It felt good to finally be able to take in breath on his own. When the doctor told him to exhale, he did so happily. They repeated the step a few more times with the doctor listening carefully. When he returned the stethoscope to hanging around his neck, Blaine thought of his first question,
"How long do I need this?" He pointed to the nasal cannula.
Dr. Nguyen looked at the monitors behind him,
"Well, your oxygen is about 86. I'd like to see it at least at 95 to be safe. I know it's uncomfortable. We can switch to an O2 mask if you prefer." Kurt interrupted from the other side of the bed. Blaine had barely noticed him switch spots in order to exercise his other leg.
"Then I can't kiss you." When Kurt winked at him, he chuckled and then shook his head.
"I'll just keep this." The humor died down soon. He turned his attention from the exercises and looked the doctor directly in the eyes, "what about my legs? Am I ever going to be able to walk again?"
Dr. Nyugen pulled up a chair and folded his arms in front of him. Blaine prepared himself for a long explanation.
"You need to put this into perspective. Would I be correct in assuming you have been very active for most of your life?" Blaine nodded and he continued, "You just woke up from some pretty serious trauma. Your body has not been still for this long since you were a baby and it's in shock. You need to give it a chance to bounce back, Blaine. You WILL walk and dance again. Just be patient with yourself."
Impatience was one of Blaine's flaws. Dr. Nyugens words made sense, and he knew there was truth to them. But, he was secretly hoping for a magic button that would bring back all of his strength. The strong desire to jump out of the bed was hammering inside his head. Unfortunately, his overwhelming fatigue was weighing him down, keeping him vulnerable and dependent.
Blaine closed his eyes and continued to concentrate on the sensations that came to him as Kurt continued to move his leg. He also became aware of the doctor pulling down his hospital gown in order to check the bandages. Feeling a bit like a lab rat, Blaine just remained still as his two caretakers continued their work. He escaped to happier memories at NYADA when he and Kurt sang together for their classmates. He escaped to the moments they shared during the morning hours before leaving for class. All of it brought him a sense of relief.
"Your incisions are healing well. Hopefully another week and we won't' need to put gauze on them. Tomorrow I have you scheduled to work with a physical therapist. His name is Dr. Jordan Fisher and he is going to push you, so I suggest you try to get a good nights sleep tonight. As for me, I will probably pop in every once and awhile, but I will otherwise leave you alone. Do you have any more questions for me, Blaine?"
When Blaine responded with a shake of his head, the doctor nodded and exited the room. Kurt had already finished pulling the covers back to their original spot and sat down on the other side of the bed. At the moment he was on his phone, responding to a text message.
"Anyone of interest?" he asked. Kurt nodded and smiled,
"Yes. Sam is asking about you. As is my dad. I am sharing the good news with them." Blaine was pleasantly surprised by that comment,
"Sam is here? And your dad? Really?"
Kurt seemed confused as he tilted his head to the side and furrowed his brow,
"Why wouldn't they be, Blaine? They care about you too, you know."
Blaine shrugged,
"I know. It's just a long way for your dad to come. I would have expected him to go home after he found out you were okay."
Kurt put his phone back in his pocket and took Blaine's hand, being gentle and careful not to hurt his broken fingers. Blaine watched him move his hand up and down his arm in a soothing gesture. His mouth curled into a slight smile,
"Blaine, we all love you. Your brother and your mom are here too. They just went to get something to eat. They should be back soon."
He flinched when he heard that last comment. His mother? She didn't have to. Why inconvenience herself? The fact that Cooper was pulled away from being Mr. Hollywood also shocked him. He digested that information while Kurt took his hands away to finish responding to yet another message. When he had put his phone away, Blaine could feel his boyfriend's eyes staring at him. Then the emotions started to come flooding back. His mind went back to that horrific night.
"Kurt," Blaine couldn't finish his sentence. It was both a question and a statement. He felt the tears burning his eyes as his heart rate increased. His boyfriend sat patiently in the chair, taking his hand again and stroking his arm like he had before. Blaine was grateful for Kurt's willingness to wait for him to collect his thoughts. He turned to his lover, whose face was now blurred by the welled up tears.
Kurt didn't hesitate to stand and lower the side handrail of the bed. After removing his shoes, he gently laid down next to Blaine while placing his hand lovingly over his chest. Kurt was careful not to pull on any cords or tubes as he did so, and he pressed his forehead against Blaine's. He was relieved to feel the warmth next to him. It brought him back to better moments that now seemed so far away.
"You can say anything to me, you know that, right?" Kurt whispered. Blaine's mouth curled into a frown, the sobs bubbling up from his chest. When Kurt put his hand on Blaine's cheek, he crumbled. The tears and the cries came without reservation and he cowered into his lover's chest, hiding his face in shame. He couldn't see it, but Kurt too, was beginning to cry with him. They didn't have to explain why. There was mutual understanding of their pain. It was a horrible experience, but one they had shared and survived. It made them that much stronger for it.
"Are you okay?" Blaine managed to ask between sobs. He felt Kurt's arm around his shoulders and he pulled him in closer.
"I am now." he responded. He did that thing that Blaine loved. His hand stroked through his hair lovingly and brushed over his skin. While the usual euphoric sensation overtook him, it wasn't enough to stifle his sobs.
"I was so scared, Kurt. I thought we were going to die. I thought we were done and we would never see each other again. I just...I couldn't," he risked a look at his lover's face and, when observing that he too was crying, realized that they shared the same feelings. Kurt just nodded and pulled Blaine back into the tight hug.
They remained there for over an hour. Blaine took solace in the comfort of Kurt's warmth and kindness. He found himself fortunate to have found such a loving and understanding partner. In that moment, he was certain he had found the best man to share his life with. The fatigue began to take over and his sobs quieted.
Soon enough, Kurt watched as Blaine fell into a deep slumber and he was grateful. Staring at his lover's face long after he had fallen asleep, he leaned in and brushed his lips over Blaine's. Things would get better. He just hoped Blaine would soon realize it too.
Friday
The hospital was alive with activity. Kurt had excused himself after Pam and Cooper had arrived to speak to Blaine. They deserved time alone to share their feelings and cry. He knew that, once Blaine heard what Pam had told him a few days ago, he would crumble like he had the night before. The rush of emotion had completely drained him, causing him to spend most of the day in a deep slumber. Even the many visits by Dr. Nyugen had not stirred him from his sleep.
When he had awoken this morning, however, his demeanor and energy level had greatly improved. He was sitting up, smiling and chatting happily with the nurses in his usual charismatic way. Kurt saw it as a blessing and felt comfortable stepping out for a while. It was the best he had seen his boyfriend in the last few days and it filled him with joy.
Kurt was seated at one of the cafeteria tables next to the window. Burt sat opposite him, searching his face for answers as he stared blankly at the people outside. Kurt was unsure of what else he could tell him. He had already given an hour long, detailed description of the previous night's events including all that was exchanged between him and , Artie had started a text conversation with him, inquiring about Blaine's current condition. It gave him a chance to escape from his father's judging eyes.
How's Blaine doing, buddy?
He's awake and out of the ICU. Last night was rough, but he is much better this morning.
AWESOME! Can he have visitors?
Kurt smiled. He could hear the excitement in Artie's voice, even though the message was not spoken.
He certainly can. Thinking of visiting today?
"I know you're trying to ignore me, Kurt."
Kurt flinched and looked at his father with his annoyed teenager expression.
"I'm not ignoring you, dad."
Burt laughed out loud,
"Kurt, you're my son. I know you more than you realize. It's okay, you don't have to lie."
His heart nearly leapt into his throat when his phone pinged from his hands. Artie had responded,
Most certainly. I want to come over ASAP.
"Dad, you look like you want something from me. I have nothing else to tell you." he said matter-of-factly. Kurt tilted his head to the side with an incredulous expression on his face,
"Kurt, I don't want anything. I am just so glad to see you smiling and relaxed for the first time in a long time."
Kurt was taken aback by the sincerity of his father's words. He was right. Kurt had not been able to relax for the last week. Seeing his boyfriend basically coming back from the brink brought him new, positive energy that he didn't think he would ever feel again. His mouth curled up into a smirk,
"Thank you, dad."
Turning back to his phone, he finished his conversation with Artie,
He has PT in about an hour. I think he would really appreciate having you there to support him. Do you mind?
There was a pause between messages. Kurt hoped he hadn't overstepped. Artie had a unique understanding of Blaine's situation, having been in a wheelchair most of his life. He had also had his fair share of PT, which brought a different perspective that Blaine would need. His response appeared on the screen, bringing a grin to Kurt's lips,
Absolutely. I wouldn't miss it. See you soon. About half an hour out.
GREAT! He is in room 206. See you soon!
"See, there you go again."
Kurt was dumbfounded by that comment. He raised an eyebrow quizzically,
"What?"
"Your face beamed when you finished that conversation. Do you mind me asking what it was about?"
Normally, he would have been very hesitant to share his conversations with his father. Especially now that he was an adult, he found himself divulging less and less. But this was different. Everything about his exchange with Artie was positive and worth telling,
"Artie is coming over to visit Blaine. He wants to be here to help with PT."
Burt reached is hand out and patted Kurt on the arm,
"Good! I am so glad he is going to get to see some of his friends. It will be the pickup he needs," he practically exclaimed.
"I agree. He might need a pick-me-up soon,anyway. He's talking with his brother and mom right now. I know it is a tear fest in that room right now. But it's a conversation he needs to have. Pam has been desperate to be with him for a long time. This will be good bonding time for them."
After about twenty minutes of sitting in silence and watching the passers-by, Burt excused himself. He had recently discovered a lovely courtyard on the premises of the attached hotel and had found it a perfect place to sit and unwind. Kurt glanced at his watch and saw that his friend was about to arrive. As he stood from his chair, discarded his coffee cup and made his way to the elevator, he noticed a presence near him. A quick glance behind confirmed that it was his personal security. He was thankful for the officer, it did get creepy at times. They exchanged nods, but said nothing as the elevator doors opened.
When he arrived at room 206, he heard laughter. It was the most glorious thing to grace his ears in a week. Crossing over the threshold revealed that Sam had come to visit and was doing his adorable impressions for Blaine. His boyfriend's face was red and streaked with tears of joy.
"Sam, be careful. You'll make him pop his stitches," Kurt lectured jokingly.
Blaine waved at him, dismissively while still laughing,
"He can pop them all he wants. This Is the best I've felt in the last week."
Kurt shot him a look of mock offense, making him stop in his tracks for a second,
"And all the cuddling we did last night? What about that?"
Blaine squinted at him and mockingly spit out his tongue. Kurt just responded by waving it off and chuckling, "You know I'm kidding. I am glad you are feeling better. Thank you, Sam. He has needed a good smile."
Sam just gave him a pretend bow,
"My pleasure."
The room was full of positive energy. Kurt soaked it up and hoped it would last. Blaine's room was not only more spacious, but it was adorned with several chairs and a couch along the window. Kurt took the liberty of finding a comfortable spot there as Sam continued with entertaining the two of them with his goofy antics. He took the time to assess Blaine's appearance and how it had changed. The bruise around his eye and cheek were almost gone. Other than the slight change of skin tint, he could barely tell it was there. The bandage had been removed from the burn, showing a faint scar. The word was barely discernible, but it still appeared red and angry. Thankfully, Blaine's youth and good health aided in the healing of the wound. Even Dr. Nyugen had mentioned his surprise after checking and changing some of his bandages. Overall, his demeanor and mood were improved. At that very moment, watching him respond to Sam's hilarious antics, he wouldn't have guessed he had experienced a trauma.
"Guess who is here!?" An excited voice bellowed from the door as all eyes moved in that direction quizzically. When they all saw Artie with his hands in the air in celebration, all three of them cheered,
"ARTIE!"
The wheelchair moved at lightning speed, displaying Artie's excitement to see his friend awake and well. He moved as closely as he could to the side of the bed and, when he saw Blaine try to lean over the railing to greet him, stopped him,
"No, no, I'll come to you. Don't strain yourself."
They took each other's hands and shook them happily. Kurt could tell that Blaine was very grateful to see Artie. Something in his face changed when the man wheeled himself up to him.
"It's good to see you, Artie." Blaine said. Artie exchanged nods with Sam and Kurt as they approached him and gave him a warm embrace.
"Once I heard you could have visitors I thought I should come annoy the shit out of you. How could I turn down that chance, huh?" Artie shrugged jokingly with his eyes wide in excitement. Blaine chuckled and leaned back against the bed slightly. Kurt could tell that he was beginning to get tired but, in his usual Blaine way was trying to hide it from his friends. The moment of hilarity became serious very quickly. Artie looked at his friend in the bed pensively. He had the expression of a parent seeing his child after a long time apart.
"I am really glad you're okay, Blaine. Truly."
Blaine blushed and looked down at his lap. He nodded and looked back up at Artie and smiled,
"Me too. I'm glad you're here."
Two individuals entered the room before any more words were exchanged. One carried a complicated looking mechanism that looked like a foot pedal of some kind. She set it on the floor in the corner and exited. The other was in dark blue scrubs with short sleeves that displayed his strong arms. He approached the bed and clapped his hands together. His green eyes beamed with excitement as he looked at Blaine and then glanced around at his friends.
"Well, who started the party and didn't invite me?" he said jokingly. There was a collective chuckle as the man held his hand out for Blaine, "I am Dr. Jordan Fisher and I am here to do some physical therapy with you." His olive skin was free of any blemishes and Kurt was slightly jealous. His arms were perfectly toned and his biceps bulged slightly from under the sleeves. It was evident he was experienced with having to support many of his patients with all of his strength. His black hair was combed back with gel, reminding Blaine of his morning ritual. Even though the man was much larger and slightly intimidating, Blaine was comforted by the kindness in his green eyes. They smiled without him having to move his lips. It made the situation much less awkward.
"Dr. Nyugen told us about you." Blaine said. Dr. Fisher backed up and jokingly put his hand on his chest while opening his eyes wide.
"Uh oh. I hope he didn't tell you everything about me, my friend." Blaine chuckled again. Fisher looked regrettably at the rest of the guests, "I am going to have to ask your friends to leave the room for this. It may get awkward for you, and I want you to have some privacy."
Blaine hesitated and looked at each of his friends individually before turning back to the doctor who stood patiently with his hands behind his back.
"Actually, I'd rather they stayed. Is that alright?"
Fisher shrugged,
"Hey, if it's alright with you, it's fine with me. Shall we start?"
Blaine nodded, his face beaming with determination. The doctor took a quick look at the monitors and then noted the nasal cannula still tucked behind Blaine's ears. He pointed at it,
"Since Nyugen still has you on oxygen, and your levels are a little lower than I'd like, I won't push you too hard today. I don't want you passing out on me, got it?" he took on the tone of a drill sergeant and pointed at Blaine lightheartedly. Blaine gave him a mock salute and chuckled. Artie and Sam took their places either along the opposite wall or on the couch where they were out of the way.
Fisher instructed Blaine to lay back against the bed. He lowered it into the fully horizontal position and then stood at the side of the bed, looking down at his patient as he explained,
"You were in a coma for about five days. Any lack of movement means your muscles start to atrophy, which basically means get weaker. Now, I want you to try to sit up all the way without using your arms to support you. It may seem easy, but don't be alarmed if it is difficult, okay?" when Blaine nodded against the pillow, Fisher walked to the foot of the bed and held his arms out in front of him. "Alright, Blaine, show me what you've got."
Blaine was flabbergasted by how much strength it took to get into a sitting position. He had tensed his whole core and gotten no results. After try number three, he was finally able to reach out and take Dr. Fisher's hands. He was nearly drenched in sweat and out of breath. What in the world was wrong.
"I know what you're thinking, Blaine and I need you to stop it. You're going to be weak, it's just the way it is. I don't want you giving up on me, though," his voice wasn't mocking or discouraging. It came from a place of care and support. "I want you to do this three more times for me, okay? Try again. Lie back."
Blaine did as he was instructed and, with the encouragement of his three friends, was able to execute three more sit ups. His curls were soaked in his sweat. Beads of liquid streamed from his scalp and into his eyes. Dr. Fisher handed him a towel and gave him a moment to wipe his face.
The covers were removed from his body, revealing his legs and feet. Blaine was elated to feel the coolness of the breeze created by the movement of the sheets. His eyes lit up,
"I could feel that more than yesterday." he said. Dr. Fisher smiled and gave one single, loud clap, making Kurt and the others jump.
"See? That's a good sign! Now, I need you to lie flat again and I am going to put my hand under each of your feet. I want you to push against it, like you're putting your foot on the gas."
As Blaine stared at the ceiling, he could feel the pressure of the doctor's hand against the sole of his right foot. With all the strength he could muster, he flexed his toes in the direction of the foot of the bed. It was like there was a barrier between his brain and the muscles in his feet. He tried again and got no result.
"You got this, Blaine. Try one more time."
To his relief, his foot finally moved, albeit minimally against the doctor's hand. They switched to the other foot and, after several attempts, Blaine was able to repeat the action. More sweat collected on his brow and he diligently removed it with the towel. Dr. Fisher moved to Blaine's right side and held his hand about three inches above his shin.
"Now, what I need you to do is lift your leg off of the bed and touch my hand. We are working on strengthening your quads this time. Take your time and do what you can."
This task proved much more difficult. Getting his toes to bend was one thing, but lifting his entire limb was near impossible. It felt like it was made of pure lead. No matter how many times he tried to convince his brain to move it, nothing happened. He was beginning to get frustrated and he shook his head adamantly,
"It's not working. I can't get it to move." He panted with exhaustion. The doctor shook his head,
"Yes you can. Just keep trying. You got your foot to move. This is just a little tougher."
After several more tries Blaine could finally feel his leg lifting from the bed. He gasped with excitement as he turned his gaze down and saw his shin meet the doctor's palm. Just as soon as he did so, his leg fell limply against the bed. He heard his three friends cheering for him and blushed.
Dr. Fisher moved to the other side of the bed and had him do the same thing with that leg. After the same steps and the same level of frustration, Blaine was finally able to deliver. Kurt could see from his position on the couch that Blaine was beginning to surrender. He brought it to Sam and Artie's attention and the three of them cheered at the same time,
"Come on, Blaine! You can do this!"
As they continued to give him messages of encouragement, Dr. Fisher walked to the mechanism that had been set in the corner of the room and brought it over to the bed. It looked like a metal plate with a mock car gas pedal built onto the top. On one side of the pedal was a metal clamp. On the other side, near the base was a knob with several numbers on it. The doctor removed the clamp, releasing the pedal and showing its full range of motion. It popped out to about a foot off the base, making Blaine jump. Dr. Fisher laid the base against the foot of the bed so that the pedal was facing Blaine. When it was mounted to the railing, he took Blaine's right foot and placed it on the pedal.
"Alright, now we have to work on some of your other muscles. This is going to trigger your hamstrings, glutes and quads. I need you to push the pedal into the base as hard as you can. I have it set to a low resistance right now, but we will gradually increase it as you gain your strength."
The doctor held the base tightly with his hands and waited for Blaine to start moving. After a few moments of receiving nothing, he looked up at his patient and saw tears streaming down his face. He tilted his head to the side,
"I can't. It's not working," Blaine said in utter defeat.
Artie rolled his wheelchair up to the side of the bed and took Blaine's hand.
"Yes you can, Blaine. I believe in you. I know it's easier to just give up, but you are NOT that person."
Blaine turned toward his friend, his mouth curled into a frown. Between his sobs, he responded,
"It's not going to work. I can't."
Artie's brow was knitted in mock frustration,
"That's what you said about the last two exercises and look what you did. If you can do those, you can do this. Come on, Blaine. Show me what you've got! I'm not letting you back down!"
The shouting both surprised Blaine and brought him a new sense of strength. He closed his eyes and took a deep, cleansing breath. As his tears subsided, he concentrated and put all of his energy into his hip and thigh. To his surprise, he could feel the pedal moving down. His eyes widened as he looked at Artie again.
"See? I told you! Now do it again!"
Soon the tears turned to laughs of joy. After about twenty minutes, he had successfully completed ten presses of the pedal with each leg. He never thought he would be so proud of himself for completing such a simple task. Having Artie next to him, cheering him on was a tremendous source of strength and encouragement. He was eternally grateful for his presence.
The hour with Dr. Fisher was up. Blaine had been moved back into a slightly reclining position in the bed and the last of his sweat had been wiped away. Dr. Fisher congratulated him on his hard work and told him to expect to see him every day for the next week. He was about to exit the room when Blaine asked,
"I am proud that I was able to do all of that doctor, but…" he paused and stared at his hands in his lap. The doctor looked at him expectantly and approached the bed again, the pedal mechanism hanging awkwardly from his right hand.
"But what?" he urged him on.
"Am I ever going to be able to dance again?" He could feel the emotion coming up again, and took a deep breath to stifle it. Fisher smiled and stood at the foot of the bed,
"I know you are used to doing a lot more than what you just accomplished. Please don't feel defeated just because this simple task was difficult. Your body has been through hell in the last week. It won't bounce back like that," he snapped his fingers, "Your spinal cord wasn't damaged. We just have to teach your legs how to walk again. It will come back. I know you have probably heard this several times but, you just have to…"
"Be patient," Blaine interrupted by finishing his statement. Dr. Fisher chuckled,
"I heard from Dr. Nyugen and your fiance here that you don't like to keep still for very long. You are the kind of guy who is going 100 miles per hour all the time. Well, consider this convalescence a chance to slow down and enjoy good company. Like what you have here," he pointed to Kurt, Sam and Artie. "You have a great team of friends here, Blaine. They won't give up on you and neither will I. You just can't give up on yourself, okay?"
Blaine sheepishly looked at his lap again, until the doctor leaned over the bed to meet eyes with him.
"Okay?" he repeated. Blaine snickered,
"Okay."
"That's my man," Dr. Fisher held his fist in front of Blaine. When Blaine obliged by fist bumping him, the doctor gave him a goofy cheer and headed out of the room.
Almost immediately, Blaine leaned into the sheets and gave out a sigh of exhaustion. Kurt walked up to the bed and combed his hands through Blaine's messy curls. He didn't even care that they were drenched in sweat. Artie rolled up next to Kurt and Sam walked to the other side of the bed. When Blaine looked at each of them individually, he felt a rush of gratitude and humility.
"Thanks, guys. I couldn't have done this without you."
They said nothing and Kurt leaned in to exchange a loving kiss with his fiance. Artie and Sam looked on and smiled. The kiss lasted longer than either of them had expected until Artie sarcastically quipped,
"Geez, guys, get a room, would ya?"
Blaine and Kurt giggled.
"We wouldn't miss this for the world, Blaine. You're not in this alone." Sam said, placing his hand affectionately on his friend's shoulder. Blaine nodded and blushed. When he met eyes with Sam again, he made a goofy face, "I can kiss you too, if you want me to." He said jokingly.
The room erupted in laughter. It was because of moments like these that Blaine and Kurt knew they would come out of this horrific event triumphantly.
