When I woke up, the sun was still shining through windows and doors my rest. As I moved to stretch out my stiff limbs, I realized that two arms were still loosely wrapped around me. His breaths were light and comforting, forgetting that there was a world beyond our bed. I didn't know when he planned to wake up, but I was fine with letting him hold me like this, even if it was for the entire day. This is something only I will experience. For once, I was watching over him as he slept. It still surprised me.
I ran my hand through his hair, unraveling the soft strands from each other before cupping his cheek, and gazing at him for a while longer. I gave him a small peck on his forehead and held him closely.
"How tired are you, Sesshomaru? Have you not been sleeping? You know, even you need sleep… You're not indestructible, though you're a lot less destructible than I am… A lot colder too, or at least you like to act that way. I know you better than that, at least I hope I do. No, I'm sure I do. But it's nice to have a reminder that there's a heart beneath those icy eyes of yours, and that that heart beats for me."
It is a nasty knack of mine to speak out loud whenever I feel comfortable with my surroundings. The filter that processes my thoughts and approves them falls off and lets my mind run wild. Needless to say, there are some things that belong in my mind, and are never to be said. Knowing this, I dismissed my aside as a sign of progress. I wasn't scared that I would say something that wouldn't float well with Sesshomaru. I trusted that even the dark recesses of my mind, the most primal and primordial part of me couldn't think of anything that would ever insult him.
I listened to Sesshomaru's breathing, finding solace in the steady expansion and contraction in his chest. The slightest lack of attention would lose all traces of breath. What am I becoming, where listening to his breath alone is more than enough to quell me? It is fine for now, so long as I don't get obsessively clingy.
I let a sigh run through my body as I moved my hands away from him. When I found that I didn't have the will power to do so, I let my fingertips trace around his back until they would run out of skin to touch. Just as my hands were going to fall off of him, his hands stopped me. It gave my heart something to laugh about after jumping as fast as it did. I broke that fragile form of sleep Sesshomaru induced himself into. He laid there for a moment before intertwining his fingers with mine and stealing a kiss from me.
"I want to eat you." He admitted as he sat up.
"That wouldn't do you much good." I replied, ignoring the sexual connotation of his statement.
"Will you not allow me another taste?" He asked as he brought himself closer to me, trying to seduce me with his lips.
"You'd only want more." I replied. "Go back to sleep."
His eyes peered into mine, searching for anything they were willing to give. When he found nothing, he returned his focus to our embrace.
"Did you sleep well?" I asked.
"Hn."
"That's nice to hear." I replied.
He let go of my right hand and held my back as he nestled my neck. I started to run my free hand through his hair, but was interrupted by his nibbling on my neck. I took such a sharp inhale that a moan almost escaped my lips. I covered my mouth with my hand, hoping to catch myself before getting carried away by Sesshomaru's current. Sesshomaru unlocked our hands from each other, and tilted my head to revel more of my neck. His fingertips ran down my neck and shoulder before wrapping around my arm. When I felt his canines pierce my skin again, I yelped as my arms tried to reach out to push him off. Fortunately for him, he was able to keep me still as he sank his fangs deeper into my neck.
"Ow ow ow!" I said with tears in my eyes.
He gave me no reply. That made sense, seeing that he was too busy marking me again. For what reason? I have no clue. If anything, I should be the one marking him… Since he's getting all territorial and possessive, don't I have the right to as well? Shouldn't I be able to do something about an unwanted visitor? What would InuKimi do? Well, she'd kill them. Unfortunately, I can't support threats like that.
You could if you really tried. [I]
'I'd just embarrass myself.' [Me]
Anyone with that attitude would. [I]
Well, you've trained for a while. I'm sure you've improved somewhere. [Myself]
'…' [Me]
"You have gone silent."
"I don't know if I'm good enough."
Shit! [I]
'What? I'm just being honest."
You keep saying stuff out loud! [Myself]
'… Shit."
"What brings these thoughts to you?" Sesshomaru asked as his grip tightened.
How was I supposed to answer that? 'I don't think I'm strong enough to conquer my enemies?' … That's actually not a bad answer. "I don't think I'm strong enough to conquer my enemies." I replied.
"That does not answer my question." He said.
"Technically…"
He stared into my eyes, scrambling any and all thought processing that went on in my head.
I locked up. Incomprehensible sounds came from my mind instead of words. His gaze cut the line that connected my mouth to my brain. My muscles tightened as even breathing became complicated.
"What enemies do you have that are not my own?" He asked with softening eyes. "What bothers you?"
After being arrested like that, it took a few breaths to collect myself. Even after I did so, I didn't want to answer. I didn't want to hear his response.
"Will you not answer?"
"I should be going."
"Why?"
"…I said you couldn't have a taste, so this is your punishment." I said to avoid the question.
"Kazumi."
"You're done right? So I'll be on my way." I pushed as I fled from his hold. "Rin and I plan to go into town tomorrow, so please don't worry about us."
"Where are you going?"
"… I will be in what used to be my room."
I gave a small bow before leaving the room. Once I was out of Sesshomaru's sight, I let out a sigh as my hand clasped over my neck. It was sore, to say the least. He marked me again, but why? Who does he have to prove it to? Not that it matters. I needed to get it off of my mind. Thinking about it any longer would just complicate the situation, and make it worse than it probably is. My hands pushed me off of the door, persuading me to stop blocking it. I was a bit reluctant to let my hand leave the nape of my neck, but the mark became a distant memory after a few minutes. The maids quickly averted my attention by requesting that I helped with the flower selection, seeing that the ones throughout the manor now were withering.
I hadn't been to my lessons in such a long time that I forgot that I knew how to arrange flowers. Invoking my memories of those lessons brought a smile to my face. It was tedious work, but the outcome was worthwhile, so long as it was done correctly. The longer time spent, the more accurate the cuts were, the well planned placement, the gentler the hand, the keener the eye to color contrast, the more the beauty of each flower radiates. That is the art of flower arrangement. It's not just putting together what looks well; it's a process of trial and error until the each flower is placed in a spot that not only enhances its own beauty, but also complements the beauty of those that surround it. Teach hammered that into my mind. At this point, I could recite her words without a hitch. Where was she? What was she doing? Was she still with her granddaughter? I would have to ask about her. I've been so caught up in events that I've forgotten about her. I wouldn't tell her that, of course. Nor would I tell her about the blunders I've made while she's been absent. One thing's for sure, I do not miss that ruler of hers.
I couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped my lips or the memories that leaked out of their long forgotten seal. My mind wandered farther back, to the days when I first met Sesshomaru in person. Every second was engrained in my memory. The way his hair drifted in the wind, and how his arm seemed to flex as he pulled Tokijin out of the ground in a way similar to King Authur… Though the time I spent with him after that event wasn't the best, it certainly wasn't the worst I've been through. The worst I've been through? Well, I don't remember. Why would I want to remember? Well, that time that I got a hole in my chest was pretty bad. And there was that time that I almost drowned. Ha, worst period ever.
I still remember Sesshomaru's reactions to both situations. He really wanted to kill InuYasha when he found out that I got hurt. The rest of his reaction brought a blush to my face. He didn't hesitate to smother me when I defended InuYasha, saying that it was my fault. And with the drowning incident, he held me so tightly that thinking about it made where his hands held me that day burn as though he was holding me now. My face burned even brighter as I thought about how he sat me on his lap, even though I was…
"Ahhh." I said as my hands reached to cover my cheeks.
I turned away from the vase I was working on, trying to push the moment back to the recesses of my mind. I didn't want to think about it.
"My Lady, are you okay?" a maid asked as she approached me.
"I-I am fine." I said with a smile. "My thoughts carried me away again."
"My Lady, I had no idea that you were so good at flower arrangement."
I turned back around to look at what I had managed to do while reminiscing, expecting to see that the maid was just being nice. I was pretty surprised to find that the vase was much fuller than I remember it being when I turned around. I don't even remember picking up so many flowers. The bouquet was filled with white, gold, violets, and reds. I never would have thought that the red would work with such a deep shade of purple, but it did.
"Huh. I wonder when that happened." I commented as I decided to put the flower I had in my hand in the bouquet.
I looked over the vase again. Those memories, regardless of how embarrassing some of them were, they are irreplaceable. I don't ever want to forget a single one of them. I love being able to remember them, and to reflect on them, and still be able to react to them.
I reached out to adjust the petals of a flower that was drooping, only to see that my hand was bleeding.
"Well, when did this happen?" I asked myself.
I pulled my hand back, looking to find where my blood was leaking from. I know I can be inattentive and daze off sometimes, but I can't stop myself from wondering how I could miss the three inch long cut that ran down my index finger that blood was gushing out of in an attempt to clot. Before anyone could say something about the cut, I went to wash my hands, and got it bandaged by the manor's doctor. By the time I returned to the flower arranging workshop, the flower filled vases were being put around the estate. Since mine was nowhere in sight, I assumed it was one of the first ones to move out. I would have asked where It was placed, but decided to not disturb the maids as they dispersed throughout the castle with their newly created decorations.
I returned to my old room, and recovered my writing materials. I would change my pace today. I wanted to write in the library, so I wrote a note saying that explained my change in location, in case Sesshomaru looks for me blindly.
I packed my materials and traversed across the manor to reach the library. If I worked hard enough, I could finish the novella in two days. I could take a third day to edit, and then one more day to rewrite. I just had to remember to not force anything. When ideas are forced, they tend to turn out horribly.
As I walked, I hummed Enamel, by Sid. It took every fiber in my body to not head bang to the song. It's easy for me to remember the days I spent in my room dancing like an idiot to this song. Oh, those were the days. Well, they weren't that long ago… but I'll miss listening to songs. I guess that means I'll have to do make my own. I think this as though crafting music is easy. But I guess I could try to learn how to play something. That'll be a great way to spend my time. What could I get? I always wanted to learn how to play the erhu…
"Oh, what a surprise! My lady, I was not expecting to run into you." A pesky voice said with sarcastic excitement.
"It is a shame." I sighed. "I hoped to stay focused on relevant things today." I told myself.
"I am more relevant than anything you do today."
I wonder if I can have honey with my tea. Maybe that's asking for too much. Bees don't play around with their honey.
"Are you trying to ignore me? Do not tell me that you are all bark and no bite." The girl said as she tried to follow me.
I turned to face her faster than she could stop herself from stepping toward me.
"You are Sesshomaru's guest. I suggest you return to him." I replied.
"Are you too scared to fend me off?"
I closed my eyes, letting the anger beast and I had pent up toward the pest grow behind my eyelids before staring her down like an angered bear would gaze at any opponent that dared to come next to its cubs. No glare or growl came from my body. My lack of amusement and abundance of irritation seeped into the air along with hostility I didn't even know I bore. I looked into her eyes and watched her ego hide from my gaze. The witch got my message and backed away. I didn't care if she backed away consciously or unconsciously. She understood that I was not playing her game.
I took my gaze away from her as I turned back around to finish my walk to the library.
"I wonder who taught you that trick!" She said, unwilling to accept defeat.
I chuckled softly to myself as the hot headed demoness threw a tantrum because of my unwillingness to acknowledge her further. When I got to the library, I sat down and didn't get up until I could hear the soft pattering of rain outside. Hours had passed by then, and the cool and moist air that preceded the drizzle had placed me in such an inspired mood that another chapter was knocked out of the park. I went ahead and packed my stuff before leaving it under a shelf with other books. I didn't want to take the chance of the moisture sticking to the paper and ink and smearing the hours' worth of work the I'd just completed.
The distant rolling thunder lured me toward a window as I left the library, looking for a change of scenery. Clouds loomed over the horizon, casting everything under a dark gray light. The soft bass that accompanied the crackling lightning yanked at my soul. It sent an unexplained shiver down my back. I watched the clouds roll by with a new type of laziness. It would be a bad thunderstorm. I tore my gaze away from the tempest that was on its way. At this point, I just wanted to move around. My feet fell asleep while I was writing. That should be more than enough of a reason to walk around.
I watched silently as halls darkened while rain poured harder. Thunder never followed too far behind. It seemed that the storm would pass right over the manor. I never did enjoy being in the middle of a storm like this. Thunder was too loud, lightning was too bright. I had no problem with the rain, but thunder was unnerving when it was close. I never liked loud sounds. I found my feet quickening their pace as they tried to get me somewhere I would feel comfortable enough to sit and calm down. It wasn't until I ran into an end table and almost knocked over the sculpture stood on the table that I stopped to look at where I was running away to. I turned around and ran my hand through my hair before taking a deep breath. Do I really want to deal with the situation I am about to create? I don't think I have the energy to.
A hesitant hand met my waist as I weighed my options. I was rushing here for a reason, but I'm not really that scared of lightning. I'm no child. I shouldn't let thunder do anything more than make me jump. Plus, Sesshomaru is my husband. I can go to him whenever I want. But in this specific moment, I chose to not bother him. I'll be fine. There's no point in being in a relationship if I don't trust him. My hands fiddled with the sculpture I had knocked over before heading off to check on how things were running in the manor. My steps came to a halt as I heard footsteps charging toward me. I watched as Rin ran full speed into me, almost knocking me down. I managed to balance myself before placing my arms around the child as she held onto me tightly.
"Kazumi-san, I'm scared." She said with a trembling voice.
