Chapter 7

The weeks went by. The family all gathered at least once a week for dinner. Rachel usually did most of the cooking with Lou helping out around the old station. Rachel spent the days teaching and the evenings watching Jamie while Lou started working at the hotel restaurant a few nights a week. She didn't really enjoy the work, but it was a job nonetheless. It didn't pay much, but it was enough to pay for her and Jamie's share.

Cody and Sarah were spending more and more time together and appeared to be getting pretty serious. Lou figured there would be wedding bells in their future. It really made Lou contemplate her own future.

She and Jimmy were spending more and more time together, mostly with Jamie, who looked forward to being with his Uncle Jimmy, but sometimes taking rides together, just her and Jimmy. Lou enjoyed those moments. It was like they were really getting to know each other again for the first time. They hadn't shared so much as a kiss, but it was apparent they both shared feelings of more than just friendship. They were reminded of what it was that made them great friends during their express days, and they were reminded of feelings that once bubbled under the surface years ago but never boiled over, well except for maybe that time during their trip with Elias Mills. Lou had been trying to comfort Jimmy that night after he was unable to sleep thinking about Elias and about his own future. She had told him that he was a much better man that he gave himself credit for and in the moonlight she wished him goodnight with a kiss on the cheek when he had grabbed her and pulled her back, kissing her hard on the lips. Lou had always wondered what would've happened that night had they not been interrupted. The next day Jimmy had simply dismissed the kiss, saying they weren't acting themselves and that it wasn't going to happen again. He had asked Lou why he should care for someone if it was only going to bring them pain, meaning that trouble had a way of finding him due to his reputation of Wild Bill.

Lou had been wondering if he still felt the same way. During their recent rides they talked about many things, they talked about Kid, about Virginia, and about their jobs. They retold stories they shared from the express days. What they didn't discuss was their future until last night on the bunkhouse steps. "Jimmy, where do you see yourself five years from now or ten?"

"Lou, I feel like you've asked me this question before." She had in fact at a restaurant in Willow Springs before they shared a dance in the middle of the street.

"I don't remember you answering me then either."

With a laugh he replied, "Lou, there is nothing more I would want in my future…than to have you as my wife." Lou was suddenly shocked silent. She was not expecting him to say those words. She knew when she thought about her future, he was in it, but she didn't know that was how he felt. She definitely didn't expect him to admit it.

"Jimmy…" she started but wasn't sure what to say. She had played similar scenarios in her head before, but to hear that he really wanted a future…with her was something she never thought she would hear. Before she could say anything else he stopped her.

"Listen, you don't have to say anything. I know you're a married woman and what I think we once felt for each other has probably long passed for you, but I just wanted you to know that I've thought about you. I thought about you a lot when you were away. I felt you marrying The Kid was what was best for you, and I wasn't going to stand in your way. You two were my best friends, and I felt you were better off with him. Now, I wish things had worked out differently." He said with a shrug.

"I'm glad things worked out the way they did." She began and saw the confusion on Jimmy's face. "If I hadn't married Kid I would've always wondered 'what if'. I loved him but I knew our relationship was rocky. He was always so controlling and hot tempered. Hell, if I said up, he said down. I think it was because he knew my secret of being a girl before the rest of ya'll did and because of that we built this bond that I needed at that time in my life. I never had anyone show me that kind of attention before. It was like he worshipped me but at the same time he smothered me. I guess in a way I was like that for him too. You know, he asked me three times to marry him before I said yes? I thought I was doing the right thing." She stopped and took Jimmy's hand in her hers and continued. "What I'm trying to say Jimmy is that I'm glad things worked out the way they did because if they didn't I wouldn't have Jamie and I wouldn't be sitting on this step with you right now."

"That's just it Lou. After you left I wondered 'what if' about us."

"I did too." He knew what she meant and they held each other's hands a little tighter. "and Jimmy…what we felt back then it hasn't passed for me either and I'm ending my marriage."