CHAPTER 4
The oak door slammed behind me as I entered the house. Luna was on my hip as I tried to take my shoes off. My head was racing from what just happened. Sure, I was used to being a political pawn. I had been all my life. It just had never hurt this much. There was no way I wanted to talk about it.
Around 8 o'clock that night, Eddie came through the front door. I knew that he had to work later tonight than usual which I was fine with.
"Hey Yacker," he said as he went in to kiss me. I redirected the kiss he had intended for my lips to my cheek. "What's up?" I was wearing my black jeans, a nice top, and my leather jacket.
"I'm going out with friends. I won't be out long." I grabbed the keys from his hands and headed out the door. He looked shocked. I had never just gone out before. Not without him, and not so last minute. Turning the keys into the ignition, I tried to push all my feelings into the back of my head. Tonight I was just a uni kid.
Once I got to the pub, Elizabeth was waiting for me at a booth towards the front.
"Hey, I'm surprised to see you out tonight. Where's Eddie?"
"He didn't want to come."
"How'd it go with your mum today?"
"I'd rather not talk about it. Let's get a round of shots."
Elizabeth responded with a look of surprise and suspicion when I said this. She knew I didn't drink, ever.
The night went fine. After my 3rd round of drinks, the room began to spin. I had never been the one to drink my problems away, but tonight was different. Elizabeth had come with some guys I didn't know, but that didn't bother me. Mark was there as well. He truly seemed like a nice guy. We spent most of the night talking. It was so nice to finally talk to someone who didn't see me as Patricia: side member of sibuna, girlfriend to former Osirian, mother to current osirian, daughter of a famous politician. For the first night in a long time, I was just Patricia. I may have danced with him one, but it was harmless. Mark and I stood on the side of the room with drinks in hand. He turned to face me while leaning on the wall. He pushed my hair behind my ear as I stared into his eyes. I kept telling myself to stop. Tell him to stop Patricia. But I didn''t. He closed the space between us and kissed me. It only lasted 2 seconds but it was quite possibly the worst 2 seconds of my life. I immediately regretted it. I knew that I hadn't instigated the kiss, but I didn't stop him.
--
By midnight, I was completely wasted.
"Patricia you are not driving home," Elizabeth declared.
"I'm fine to drive," I uttered, slurring my words.
"What is wrong with you tonight?"
"Nothing's wrong. God, why don't people just leave me the hell alone. I'm just so sick and tired of everything in my life. I can't do it all. I'm 19, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing."
"How about I take you home?"
I nodded. I was drunk, but I knew that driving would only make things worse. I sat in the passenger side of Elizabeth's car while we rode to my place in silence. I didn't want to elaborate on the past day. Tonight definitely wasn't going to help.
"Are you sure you can walk up the steps?" Elizabeth asked.
"I'm positive. I'll call you in the morning."
"Ok." And with that, I hiked up the stairs to the front door and unlocked the big oak door. It was 1am by the time I got home. Eddie was sitting on the couch, worry engulfing his face.
"Where the hell have you been? I tried calling and texting you but you didn't pick up."
"God just give me some space," I said, kicking my shoe across the room.
"Where is this coming from?" he questioned.
"I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry I'm not this powerful ancient egyptian superhero. I'm sorry I was never the smart one or the pretty one or the clever one. I'm sorry you got stuck with me. Why don't you just go back to New York and find someone new? I know that's all you've wanted since I told you I was pregnant."
He stood there, stunned by what had just come out of my mouth.
"You're drunk."
"No I'm n-" just then, I felt my insides flip-flop and I puked all over the tile floor below me.
"Come here," Eddie walked around my puddle of vomit and wrapped me in his arms. He proceeded to pick me up bridal style and carry me to our room. All I could do was cry in his arms. My life was falling apart. I held so much guilt. I know Eddie would be in Uni if it wasn't for me. He'd be able to pursue his dreams instead of me. We laid there, me crying, him rubbing my back as I felt like complete and utter shit. We ended up falling asleep like this. Me still wearing my leather jacket.
I woke to the cries of Luna.
"I'll get her," Eddie kissed me on the cheek. He reached into her crib and changed her diaper as I sat up in bed. I could feel a throbbing sensation in my head. I've never drank that much in my entire life. He sat her down on the floor as he started getting ready for work.
"Eddie," he turned over his shoulder.
"About last night-"
"I know, you don't need to explain it to me. How about we talk about it when I get home tonight?"
"Ok but. There's something else I need to tell you. That guy Mark. Umm, he umm. He kissed me last night. And I-I didn't stop him."
60 seconds of silence passed as I waited for him to say something, anything.
"Eddie?"
All he could do was turn and leave the room. I had to follow him. I ran down the stairs as he was collecting his keys.
"Please say something."
Slam. The door shut and locked behind him. All I could do was crumble up into a ball and sob. The one thing I hadn't messed up in my life I had figured out how to crush it. Eddie was truly the one thing in my life that was good and I managed to f*ck it up. I needed to talk with Elizabeth. She was the only one I could talk to right now. I ran up stairs, picked up Luna, grabbed my keys, and headed out the door. While I put Luna in her car seat, she could tell there was something wrong.
I started driving down the main road towards the University. It had been raining all night so the streets were still pretty slick. All I can remember was the sound of tires screeching, glass breaking, then nothing. Just darkness
