A lot had happened in five years. I got the job with the medical practice Thor had found for me and added another based on my good work. I decided to tap into mental health benefits, based on Bruce's advice. He was concerned that lack of sleep, caring for a newborn, starting a new job, and missing Loki were taking their toll. I was doing better than many Asgardians, including Thor, but Bruce rightly pointed out that I needed to be a stable figure in my son's life so that he would have a better childhood than his father. I took some parenting classes, as I knew next to nothing about babies or children. Thor wanted to be involved in Njord's life, and he was, to an extent. The king had descended into alcoholism over his guilt in not saving Loki, more of our people, and a good many Midgardians. Valkyrie became the de facto King. She took care of all business and government, not just what Thor remembered to delegate to her. She checked in on Njord and me but had much to deal with as leader of the New Asgardians. She was King to the Asgardians and had been elected Mayor of the Tonsbergers.

I made some friends. Actually, I deepened the relationship with one of the palace maids with whom I'd shared a room. I met a woman in the pediatrician's office with a son a few months younger than Njord, who happened to live nearby. Kjersti was a bubbly, yet serene presence. She never seemed ruffled, even when little Finn was screaming. My baby's crying terrified me, even though I knew it was normal. Kjersti helped me calm down, which in turn, calmed Njord. We began to meet a few times a week to chat, drink coffee or tea, and socialize the boys. Njord and Finn grew to love playing together, so at three years old, Kjersti and I enrolled them in the same playschool. It was so lovely to have some peace and quiet during the day to work! I was thankful for the friendships and acquaintances, especially as Bruce had taken time to "find himself." I hoped that meant he'd be able to come to terms with Hulk.

One day, I saw a truck come rumbling into New Asgard with Hulk in the back. Only it wasn't Hulk, or Bruce Banner, it was both! He'd managed to integrate the disparate parts of himself into one being. It was Hulk's body, with Bruce's brain. I was so thrilled for him! But he didn't have time to chat. He asked for the King. Thinking he knew Valkyrie was king in all but name, I directed him and his talking raccoon friend to her. Later, I saw Hulk, the raccoon, and Thor leaving the city.

Not too long after that, Asgardians who had been dusted began pouring into the town, as well as Tonbergers! Families and friends were reunited and there were celebrations, not just in New Asgard, but around the Earth, as half of the population came back!

Thor returned for only a short while, officially abdicating in favor of Valkyrie. He visited with Njord and me, then rejoined Rocket the Raccoon and the Guardians of the Galaxy to protect the realms once again, more realms than we'd ever known about.

I reconnected with Bruce, who told me all about how The Avengers, the New Avengers, the Guardians of the Galaxy, and the Masters of the Mystic Arts had reversed Thanos's Snap by performing their own to bring back those killed. He gave a long-winded dissertation on time travel that was complete gibberish to me. Bruce had been the one to wield the Infinity Stones, due to his power as Hulk, but had suffered permanent damage to the arm. He said it was a small price to pay. He credited me with setting him on the path to becoming "Smart Hulk". I was so delighted to talk with him again! There was also a battle with Thanos who had traveled to Earth, but they all fought him, and Tony Stark gave his life to rid our world of Thanos, once and for all. I was sad to hear of his passing, and Natasha's too. I made a note to send a card and flowers to Tony's widow, Pepper.

There were adjustments to be made when a city, a nation, and a planet suddenly has twice as many humans to support, but we muddled along pretty well. After all, gaining those pals and kin back was much better than losing them! I must admit, though I was happy for the return of those near and dear, my love was still not coming back, and I felt a little jealous. I found a closed internet group of folks who'd lost loved ones in ways other than Thanos's Snap who were processing similar feelings. I obviously didn't tell the whole story, but I was able to find solace in our shared angst amidst the joy.

When autumn began, playschool started back. Kjersti and I put our sons in all five days. They were normal preschoolers who loved to run and make lots of noise. We were normal mothers who wanted a break from all the chaos. Kjersti would pick up Njord in the mornings to drop the boys off. I would go to pick them up after lunch. We still visited for a couple of hours two days a week.

It was a chilly Friday in October and I'd been working on transcriptions since Njord had left. I got up to take a break, making myself a cup of tea. I shrugged into a jacket, stepping out into the sunshine. The brisk air was refreshing, and the sun gilded all she touched with her light. I saw a man strolling up the street. He was dressed in a black coat over what appeared to be a dark suit. His raven hair made his pale face seem to glow like the brightness of the day. From a distance, he resembled Loki. Strangely, as he drew closer, the resemblance grew. He noticed me watching him. He crossed over, heading toward my gate. I came down to ask if I could help him, but facing him directly, I felt my world tilt. I dropped my teacup. The shrill sound of shattering china brought me back to myself.

"Hello. I'm sorry to have startled you, I thought you saw me coming. I won't take up your time. I just wondered if you could point me to the home of Thor of Asgard?" His voice, so smooth and musical, excited my nerves, but there was something off about his tone. It was polite, but formal.

"Loki?" I whispered, still dazed.

"Yes. You must be Asgardian. I've, um, been traveling for some time. I am just now finding New Asgard. I suppose everyone thought I was dead again." He gave his most charming smile. "If you'd be so good as to give me the direction, I'll leave you to clean up the remains of your cup."

I looked down at the broken pieces on my front walk, unseeing. He didn't recognize me. Other than sporting Midgardian clothing, I appeared mostly the same. There was something terribly wrong. He didn't know about Thor or Valkyrie. I brought my gaze back up. "Thor has gone to protect the Earth and all of it's neighbors with a group called the Guardians of the Galaxy. He left the throne to Valkyrie."

A calculating expression crossed Loki's face before he hid it. "Ah. Then I must meet this Valkyrie."

"If you will wait just a moment, I will take you to her. I can clean up later. Just let me grab my keys." I hurried into the house, pulling the charger from my phone. I sent a fast text to Val. "Loki's here. Something's wrong. Doesn't recognize me or that Thor left. Bringing him to you." I exited, locking my door, swiftly traversing my walk to the gate. "We aren't far from the City offices. Where have you been lately?" I strove for a light, casual air.

"Just traveling," he responded dismissively.

We walked a few blocks in silence, then I tried again. "I'm sorry that you missed Thor, but I'm sure Valkyrie will be interested in hearing all about your journeys."

"I'm more interested to see how she feels when a real member of the royal family with a claim to the throne arrives. Clearly, I am needed here," he stated haughtily.

My heart plummeted. This wasn't the Loki who'd helped us escape Hela, the man who fathered my child. This sounded like the unbalanced Loki who'd tried to wipe out the Jotuns and take over Midgard. What had happened?

We reached the office building where Valkyrie conducted the government in New Asgard. Loki stalked to the receptionist's desk to demand, "I must see Valkyrie. Now." The poor woman dropped her phone, staring in disbelief. Fortunately, Val opened her office door right at that moment. The prince strode into the room as if he owned it. Our King motioned me inside, too.

"Who is this?" Loki challenged.

A man wearing a blue robe over black trousers, with a red cape thrown over it all was seated on the sofa. His hair was dark, with streaks of white over each ear. His dark blue eyes penetrated the Asgardian prince with an assessing stare. "My name is Dr. Stephen Strange; I am a Master of the Mystic Arts. I monitor threats to Earth, and You, Loki Odinson, are one of those threats."

Loki bristled. "Odin was not my father, Midgardian. You have no business here. Nor do you, Asgardian," he said, turning to me. "My business is with Valkyrie alone."

"They are both here at my behest," Val asserted. "If you wish to speak with me, you will do so only in their presence."

"I am the rightful King of Asgard, and you need to step aside."

"On the contrary, you just stated that Odin was not your father. That means you are not a prince. King Thor appointed me to the position in his place. But you have more pressing concerns. Dr. Strange has come to see you, not me," she smoothly answered.

Loki imperiously looked down his nose at the doctor. "I care not one jot that you think me a threat. And what do you think you could do about it?" He was smug.

"You should care. An event is about to take place that will change your life. I've come to ask for your cooperation, but this will proceed, nonetheless. I am aware that you have arrived from an alternate timeline. There are many timelines that have been inadvertently created that need to be clipped. When that happens, all the timelines will merge to one- this one. You will take your place here, but I don't understand what the effect will be regarding any other versions of you that currently or formerly existed in branches that are pruned. I came to offer you a place to stay and ask that you let my colleagues and I observe you during the process to help if there are adverse consequences."

"You're going to put me in a cage?" Loki sneered.

Dr. Strange shook his head. "No cages. A cabin in a wooded area. You'd have the place to yourself. We can bring you meals or provide food for you to cook. You may have books, music, a television if you'd like. You will be free to walk about the grounds. One of the Masters would visit you twice a day just to touch base. Otherwise, there will be technology that will scan you a few times a day to make sure you are in good physical health. In the interest of full disclosure, there will be a forcefield that will limit your movements so that you don't interact with others who are going through the same process, and to confine only if you choose to stir up trouble or attempt escape. The forcefield can be widened or restricted, as needed."

Loki was unimpressed. "I didn't come to this time for a holiday. I intend to stay here where my people should have a true king." Val's eyes narrowed but she didn't otherwise respond.

"Then I will take you by alternative means, and your freedoms will be considerably curtailed. That is not what I intended, but if you force my hand, that will be the reality." Dr. Strange stood, alert, with an aura of leashed power.

I saw Loki's daggers appear in his hands. "Wait!" I exclaimed. "This isn't Loki, back from the Statesman attack?" I didn't follow the talk of timelines.

"No," said the doctor. "That Loki was killed by Thanos on board the ship. When the Snap was reversed, time travel was used…"

"I know about that," I put in. "Smart Hulk told me." Loki scoffed at the name.

"They went to New York during the invasion to gather Infinity Stones. While retrieving one of those stones, the mission went awry, leaving Loki in possession of the Tesseract, which housed the Space Stone. He used it to escape before being sent to prison in Asgard. That is the Loki before us now. He found a way to jump to this timeline- something I'd love to comprehend about how he accomplished- but for what purpose, I don't grasp," he finished.

"That's why you've forgotten me," I breathed, relieved.

Loki was startled. "I am acquainted with you?"

"You were. In this timeline. The Loki in this timeline knew me." I turned back to the Master of Mystic Arts. "Does he get an opportunity to think over your offer?'

The doctor was nonplussed. "I don't think you understand how serious…"

"I do understand," I interrupted. "But he just got here. Let him Look around. Then he can decide whether to go quietly." I addressed this alternate prince. "I'll take you to lunch. Show you around the city. Please, let me talk with you."

Taking my arm with a smirk, Loki told the other two, "We'll see you later."

I took Loki to a small café, where I chose a table by the window. I told him I was cold and wished to sit in the sunshine, but I knew we were being followed and watched. I'm sure Loki was aware, too, but he made no comment. I dashed off a text to Kjersti that an emergency had arisen, and could she get the boys? Also, if she could take Njord out of New Asgard until tomorrow, I'd pay for any expenses for their family. I was desperate. Kjersti, bless her, agreed. I led right off with the question uppermost in my mind. "What do you know of the Loki from this time?"

"I'm aware that he was imprisoned in Asgard, Frigga was killed, Odin left him in the dungeon for the funeral. Thor brought him on a mission to get the Aether of that woman and he tricked the oaf into believing he'd died. An Einherjar found him, so he assumed the guard's identity. He found Odin, cast a spell on him, sent him here to Earth, then impersonated him as king for four years. Impressive, I must say. But then Thor had to come back. He brought that Loki along to find Odin, who promptly died, just after telling Thor that he wasn't next in line to be king, either. There was a sister who arrived and destroyed most of Asgard, and they released Surtur to finish the job and the sister. Thor, that Loki, Valkyrie, and the people escaped in a ship brought to Asgard by my alternate. But Thanos found him and killed anyone who didn't get away in an escape pod, except for Thor," he recited, unemotionally.

"Hm. Sounds like you and Thor are finally equals. Is Queen Frigga still alive in your timeline?" I questioned anxiously.

"I assume she is," Loki answered. "I certainly didn't go back to Asgard to check." He was looking down at his plate and wouldn't meet my eyes.

"How could you bear to leave a place where she lived to come here, where she'll never be?"

"First, she betrayed me, too. Second, I didn't have a choice." His voice trailed off at the end of the sentence, realizing he'd given away more than he intended. He retreated into his superior persona once more. "Are we finished now? Why don't we go down by the waterfront?"

Loki was looking for a way to escape, but I had an agenda of my own. "Maybe we'll end with that, but first let's walk around town, since we're here. Oh, and I must pick up a book from the library." The library was just two blocks over, so we went there first. "Why did you ask them to give me time? Not that I'm ungrateful. Just wary."

"Loki and I became close before his death. You share history with him. This is rather in the nature of a favor."

"Oh? You couldn't have been that close. You did not turn up in any of my intel."

"Perhaps your intel is not as thorough as you think." I selected a thin leather-bound volume from the shelf. The gold lettering read Wisdom of Queen Frigga of Asgard.

The book was snatched from my hands. "What is this?" He thumbed through, stopping a few times to read a page or two. "I'm in this. I remember some of these quotes and stories. Who wrote this?"

"I did. I was Queen Frigga's maid in Valaskjalf. Our Loki told me my journal of memories should be put into a book to honor his mother. Thor helped me find a publisher. The New Asgard Library has three copies. Some bought their own copies to keep. Other Asgardians were inspired to write about home, too. Now there is a whole Asgard section. But this book was the first," I boasted.

"My magic lessons..." he started.

I anticipated the question, having heard it before. "I was there, hidden, as a good servant would be," nettled that he didn't compliment my thoughtfulness in writing about my queen or acknowledge that my work was an inspiration to my people.

"May I read this?"

"Yes, after I check it out." I checked out the book and led him to a corner with two comfortable chairs. He began to read, looking so like the boy I recalled that my heart ached. He was that boy and the young man. But the maturity he'd just started to display when we connected hadn't taken place in this version. He was still raw. My mind was thoroughly confused. He was Loki, but not. I wished I could ease his hurt, but he'd never allow that. I wanted to hug him, to hold him, to tell him life could be better. I wanted to kiss him, caress, him… Lost in my thoughts of My Loki, I was embarrassed to find I'd been staring at the Loki beside me and he was calmly staring back. I ignored the blush rising in my face. "I'm sorry, I was daydreaming. Are you finished reading?"

"I am. I'd like to talk to you about some of these. Perhaps you could even write down some of my recollections," he pondered. Gone was the smug, superior attitude. This was the real Loki, still guarded, but the real man, all the same. I told him we could go back to my house and he agreed.

I invited Loki to be seated. Meanwhile I put on the kettle to heat and swept up the remains of my broken cup outside. I prepared the tea and joined him on the sofa. Our conversation was similar to that I'd had with My Loki on the Statesman. I didn't mention my knowledge of his parentage because I wasn't sure how he'd react. It wasn't important anyway. All I needed to do was to get him to trust me enough to convince him to go with Dr. Strange peacefully. He mellowed considerably as we swapped tales of Asgard. I periodically received texts from Val asking what was going on. I assured her all was well, and I'd tell her immediately if that changed.

I cooked us a simple meal that evening. He deflected all questions regarding where he'd spent his time since New York and how he'd crossed into our timeline. He dwelled on the past, ruminating over old grievances, but also slowly recalling happier reminiscences. I encouraged the lighter, cheerier stories. The hours drew on. I told him I still wanted any other additions he wanted to make to my book, but he'd have to make a choice about going with the Master of Mystic Arts. I promised I would hold the sorcerer off for the night if Loki promised to go with him in the morning. He could sleep on the couch. It was a stupid bargain to make and I recognized it, but I wanted to keep him as long as possible. I excused myself to the bedroom to call Valkyrie, keeping the door slightly open so I could keep the prince in sight. I notified her of my plan. She vociferously objected, as did the doctor. I didn't care. I told them to come to my house in the morning to take Loki. Then I phoned Kjersti to check in with Njord. She said he and Finn were thrilled to be at a motel with an indoor pool and snacking on junk food that neither got much of at home. I thanked her profusely, with a vow to explain everything tomorrow. I spoke to Njord, sending my love, admonishing him to behave, and wishing him goodnight. When I returned to my living room, Loki presented me with a photograph of Njord I kept on fireplace mantel. "Who is the boy?" he asked.

"My son," I warily replied.

"You don't have any pictures with a father. Does he have a father?"

I placed the photo back in its spot. I couldn't tell Loki the truth. He wasn't my son's father, and he was too dangerous. He might decide to conquer Midgard again with Njord as his heir. My child would not be subjected to any schemes this alternate might think up. "His father died in the attack on the ship along with other Asgardians who didn't make it into escape pods. It is a common enough story here. Why?"

"I don't know. I got an odd feeling when I observed it, as if I should recognize him. But I don't like children, so I'm not around them much. He isn't particularly similar to you." He shrugged in dismissal.

The danger past, I said, "If you don't mind, I'd like to record anything you want to include in the book so that I get it word for word. I'm going to set up my laptop here on the table."

I could ask the publisher for a revision to include any further accounts and I was grateful to be getting them. But now I'd have him on digital. It felt juvenile to be thinking this way, but I missed My Loki so much. I wasn't just recording audio, either. I was recording video, as well. The only photograph I had was the one Bruce had given me that sat on the dresser in Njord's room. I wanted one for me. I planned to take a screenshot to print. I got material to make up several more pages in the book. I would have to ask Thor if he'd like to add anything, thinking it would only be fair and Loki would never know, anyway.

" I wish I'd been able to visit my mother again. I couldn't when I left New York. I'm not certain I could in my timeline without being arrested. Now I'm not even certain I can get back to my timeline. It seems I'm doomed to stay here in Midgard. I guess I'll go it alone, as I've always done," Loki mused.

"You haven't always been alone. You just sat here telling me of instances where your mother supported you. Thor wanted to support you. You tend to hold those closest to you at arm's length. I get it. No one wants to be hurt. But you can't push people away then expect you won't be left alone," I pointed out.

His annoyance was palpable. "Thor! The beloved first son- the beloved only son. I was meant to be a pawn. Even my birth parents didn't want me. But you didn't know that," he spat. He'd jumped up, facing away from me. I believe he was fighting tears.

"I did, actually. You mentioned it in Valkyrie's office, but I was already aware. I was coming down to the vaults for cleaning. Servants have ears, even when we have to keep our mouths shut. Odin may have had a plan for you when he brought you to Asgard, but that doesn't mean he didn't develop feelings for you. He told your mother he loved you in my hearing. He even told our version of Loki before he died. He did intend for you to be a king; I assume of the Jotuns. Thor loves you and always has. He didn't ask to be part of the Allfather's long game any more than you did. Stop blaming him and accept the love he offers- either in your timeline, if it's achievable, or in this one. He'll be back and want to see you if you give him a chance. I can't say anything regarding your biological parents other than they were fools. But you've had and can have more people who care about you than you are willing to imagine. Revisit some of your own positive memories to see what part others played in them. I get that I'm being blunt here, but it's late, I'm tired, and my filter has been eroding since leaving the palace," I snapped. "Take a hard look in the mirror. Don't like what you see? Figure out how you can change it. No one else can do that for you. Do you want to be a king? Go fight for Jotunheim. Do you want to be a leader? Try Midgardian politics. Do you want to protect the realms? Seek out like minded people and form a team. There are all sorts of vocations you could pursue on Midgard. Find out what they are. Only you can determine your purpose. The last time you allowed someone to give you a purpose, it didn't work out so well. Seek your own. You give away your own inner power and agency in favor of power over others. We all have good and bad inside. You deny the good. Or confuse it. You really need therapy."

"What is therapy?" Loki obviously hadn't expected this rant. He was bewildered.

"It's talking to someone who can help you process and reframe events in your life to make changes going forward." I yawned. "Now, it is late for me, so if you don't mind, I'll grab some linens for the sofa. Feel free to stay up as long as you like, grab snacks if you're hungry, watch television, use the computer, whatever. I'm for bed."

Loki sat down next to me and took my hand. "Thank you for showing me your book and allowing me to add to it. And especially for reminding me of home. There were so many things I'd forgotten, many of them good. You live up to your name, Sjofn. I'm not sure I like all your opinions, but I find how you express yourself very sexy."

Once again, the similarity of the discussion with My Loki struck me. Even the warmth of his expression felt familiar. Tendrils of desire curled through my body as I remembered what had followed. I reminded myself this wasn't My Loki, I'd feel terrible in the morning, I was courting disaster. I couldn't help myself. I leaned closer and our lips met. I sighed as the kiss deepened. I slid my fingers through his hair, reveling in the softness. He broke contact with my lips to press his mouth to my neck. I hummed with pleasure. His hands began to travel my body and set me ablaze. "Forget the couch," I whispered. "Come to the bedroom." We tossed clothes about until we were down to our skin. The magnificent, perfect body was once again mine to behold. I assumed that what My Loki had enjoyed this version would, too. I wrapped my legs around him, sinking my teeth into his shoulder. It was his turn to groan, clearly as driven by ardor as I. We drove one another to distraction until we finally joined up, bringing us to a feverish culmination. Our bodies were covered in love bites. I rolled off him to settle at his side, uncertain whether he'd allow it, but he did. He slipped his arm under my head, turned on his side, and draped his other arm around my waist. Regret would come, but at that moment, I blissfully repressed it.

I was dreaming that I was back on The Statesman. Loki and I were passing out bedding. I indicated a family to whom he should deliver pillows. "No," he resisted, "Not until you say yes."

I was discomfited. "Loki now isn't the time. We have to help everyone."

"I will. As soon as you say yes."

"But we haven't talked this through."

"I don't need to talk it through. I know what I want. And so do you. Say yes." His feet were planted on the deck, hands on hips, blankets on the floor.

"Loki be reasonable," I implored.

"I'll be reasonable after you say yes."

"Fine. Yes," I huffed, exasperated.

Loki seized the blankets, tossed them to the man and woman who'd been waiting, and sprinted to the front of the ship, leaving me to distribute the rest of the bedding by myself. He was soon back, Thor in tow. "She said yes. Now marry us, Brother."

"What?! We can't marry now. Everyone is trying to go to sleep!" I was incredulous.

"No better time. We can celebrate our wedding night that much sooner! Go ahead, Thor."

"Loki, do you want to marry Sjofn, love her, raise a family with her, and stay together until the end of your days?" Thor boomed.

"I do," Loki confirmed unequivocally.

All the Asgardians were watching, surprised, and interested at the little scene playing out. "We can't…" I hissed sotto voce.

"Sjofn, do you want to marry Loki, love hm, raise a family with him, and stay together to the end of your days?" asked Thor, still using his thunderous conversational tone.

"I do, but…" I tried again.

"Excellent! As King, I pronounce you…"

A noise outside cut through my consciousness. I sat up, instantly alert, pulse racing. I heard voices. I jumped out of bed. I was naked and Loki was gone. I threw on a bathrobe and slippers, padding to the front door. I flipped on the outside light to reveal Valkyrie, Dr. Strange, and Loki in cuffs on my lawn.

"He was trying to escape," Val uttered disgustedly.

"Of course, he was. He's Loki," I responded, disappointed that once again, I wouldn't awake in his arms.

"You know, I feel it won't make much of a difference, but it's truly nothing personal, Sjofn. Your book was wonderful, you were very kind, and the night was lovely. But I was hoping to avoid him," Loki shifted his eyes in Dr. Strange's direction.

"Luckily, I was keeping tabs on you," the doctor rejoined. "Valkyrie will you hold on to him while I created a portal?" Val grasped Loki's collar and put a dagger to his throat.

I stepped out into the frigid night, approaching my incorrigible lover. "I was hoping this would go better for you, but I can't save you from yourself. I wish you only the best, peace, and true joy. I love you." I caressed his face, kissed him gently, then went back into the house and locked the door without glancing back. I crumpled onto my sofa to weep over Loki. Again.

The most difficult thing I had to do was to tell Njord that Loki had come to new Asgard and left without seeing him. How could an almost five-year-old understand that this was not his father? I let him video chat with Bruce about how time travel worked. That settled the question for him. He took it all in stride. "A" Loki had come to town, but not "His" Loki. I wished my brain were that accepting and resilient!

Kjersti was a different story. For the first time in our friendship, I witnessed her anger. Righteous anger. She was glad Njord hadn't met the alternate Loki, praising me for having the foresight to send my son out of town. No, what truly bothered her was that the Asgardian prince had thought to supplant Valkyrie. Not only a s King of New Asgard, but as Mayor. Kjersti wasn't an Asgardian, she'd married one. She was incensed that this fellow called himself a god and was going to subvert the will of the people. She could remember the news out of Stuttgart and New York from 2012 and had no love for this version of Loki. She even scolded me for harboring a fugitive and sleeping with him. Well, she wasn't wrong. But I felt that if the hours I'd spent could possibly impact him positively, especially since he'd be stuck in our timeline, it was a good thing. We went round and round on the issue for months. Kjersti's husband finally convinced her that if I had given Loki a reason to at least think about all the atrocities he ad to atone for, and a tie to home and his mother were an inspiration, I'd done the world a favor.