[A/N: Here's a 6x19 update for you, involving our two faves. Again, there wasn't much Upstead in this episode, but I'm excited for the final 3… with all the stuff I've heard teased about the "love triangle" now, & hearing that someone has a spoiler that something good happens with Upstead in the finale, it better not disappoint. I think maybe Jay will finally confess his feelings. Also, I love all the Tracy interviews this year; she's def Team Upstead even if she can't say it literally, you can tell she thinks Hailey is better with Jay. It's inevitable at this point. Anyway, thank you so much for all the reviews & following as always… hoping 6x20 gives me some really good content to work with *winks*]


Hailey was kneeling over Reverend Dennis' body as if in a daze. It could have been minutes or days that went by as she was in her head. Jay noticed instantly, reassuringly trying to call her name, "Hailey… Hailey…" but he couldn't break through. Finally, he slowly leans down and gently puts his hand on her shoulder, trying to send her comfort. It's the only thing that snaps her out of it. She turns her head slightly to look up at him, finally remembering that he's there with her, she hears the sirens in the distance coming closer. Jay is incredibly worried, she's had to deal with a lot recently, and he doesn't want her to hold anything else in; having no idea what's triggered this current behavior… they're certainly not immune to finding half-dead bodies.

"Hey, you okay?" he soothingly asks.

She finally stands up and steps back from the body… it's too late, Dennis was a dead man long before they arrived. She shakes her head at him.

"Yea… no… it's just, last night seeing Kim with Blair, and now this, it's just stirring up some memories for me…"

Jay gives her a curious look, wondering what they could be and trying to figure out how to make it better for her.

"Want to talk about it?" he asks.

"Not now… when this is all over. We have to focus on and be there for Kim right now, she's the priority!"

"Ok, but later tonight we're going to discuss this… promise me?"

She smiles at him, knowing he won't give up, and is incredibly grateful for that.

"Yes Jay, but you're buying tonight." She jokes, attempting to lighten the mood.

"It's a deal." He manages to get out as uniforms and paramedics storm into the church with them.

They take another few minutes to assist, watching the paramedics pronounce Dennis as a DOA; then head back out to Jay's truck to get back and fill the team in. Both are sad that they're returning to Kim with another dead end, but Jay's thoughts are still mostly all focused on his partner.

Hailey is staring out the window of his truck, obviously still in her own head as well. The ride is silent, Jay knowing not to push her… if she says they'll talk later, they will. He glances over at her every time he stops the car, wanting to assure himself that she's as okay as can be, but she hardly notices for once. He just wants to be there for her always, and more than that if he's being honest, he doesn't care what it will cost him anymore. He is not sure when the right time will be, but he is definitely starting to think it's time to tell her how he truly feels about her. He doesn't know how much longer he can hold it in, even though she's still seeing Adam… they're not right for each other, he knows it, and he knows deep down her and Adam probably know it too. For now though, he just wants to make sure to get her back into a good place.

When they arrive back at the precinct, he quickly runs over to be next to her as they're walking in and squeezes her arm comfortingly again.

"Hey, if this all becomes too much right now, take a break okay… we'll all understand, even Kim."

She gives him one of her smiles and simply says, "Thanks Jay, but I'll be fine…" as she gives his wrist a squeeze of gratitude.

The moment is over before it started because soon enough they're walking with Voight, filling him in.

"I think he was bleeding out for a while…" Jay goes on.

"Looks like Dennis might have known the shooter; he was in the back making tea when it happened…" Hailey continues.

All three of them walking into the bullpen to face Kim… she's all that matters right now. She deserves answers, and they intend to get them for her.


It's not until the next night that Hailey is answering her front door, expecting Jay with beer in hand. He had still wanted to talk last night, but it had been super late by the time the team decided to call it a night, and Hailey promised him they'd talk the second this case was done. True to both of their words, even though it's already 11pm, they finally both have a moment to breathe and reflect on the interesting turn of events. They crack two beers open and head over to Hailey's couch to plop.

After taking a long sip, Hailey asks, "I can't believe it. You think Price really did it? He destroyed everything he built."

Jay takes a sip as well, contemplating. "I don't know… I don't know if anyone but Voight will ever know. Like so many other things. I do think Price has a good reason for taking the fall if it wasn't him though."

"Yea, he's probably protecting someone he loves… maybe we can all relate…" she says quietly and they share one of their looks and nods.

"I feel so bad for Kim though. At least Kevin… and Adam… have really tried to be there for her." She continues on.

"Yea…" he says simply, giving her a reflective look. She knows he must be trying to decipher how she feels about Adam spending so much time with his grieving ex, but he doesn't ask. Which is odd, but she's appreciative for it because she doesn't want to answer that or have another discussion about Adam. Not because she is jealous of him spending time with Kim, but because it's the exact opposite. And she has no desire to share with Jay on why she's so nonchalant on that subject. No, the conversation they're about to have is going to be revealing enough…

"Well, anyway, as much as I love Kim, I'm here for your well-being tonight… don't think you're getting out of this, you promised!" he says to her smiling softly.

"Yea, yea…" she grins back and gives him one of her eyerolls.

"So, what got you so spooked with Dennis yesterday?" he finally asks.

She takes a long time to answer. She slowly sips on her beer, trying to figure out the best way to explain without opening herself all the way. The honest answer is seeing Kim completely emotional leaning over Blair shot and bleeding took her back to the day that was her with Jay. Then, the next day finding Dennis bleeding out and being the one over him trying to help, really brought her back to that horrible day Jay was shot and she feared was bleeding out himself.

"It's just… um… seeing Kim with Blair dying in front of her, then yesterday with Dennis bleeding out, it kind of took me back to the day you were shot…" she says hesitantly.

Jay gives her a curious look, as if shocked that this is the first time he's hearing this.

"What do you mean?"

"It's just, that day, I thought you were dead, Jay…" she takes another quick sip of beer, attempting to not get too chocked up. Her voice still cracks a bit as she continues on. "Before I pulled back your vest, all I saw was blood everywhere, and I thought, 'this is it, he's a goner, I've lost him'"… she quickly catches her slip and recovers, "…We've lost him… and the feeling was so horrible. So all-consuming. I don't know what I would have done had your vest not protected you…" she bites her lip tightly, trying her hardest not to cry.

Jay can tell how emotional and upset she still is over that day, so many months ago now. He places his hand on her knee soothingly, trying to calm her. "Why didn't you ever tell me, Hailey? I had no idea it affected you so much." He honestly says.

"Yea, well…" she shrugs and takes another big gulp. "It's okay… I ended up getting obnoxiously drunk that night and acted foolishly… We all find ways to conquer the demons…"

He doesn't ask, but it clicks with him… he recalls seeing her walk off with Ruzek from the ambo that night, and he's completely shocked. He sincerely had no idea about any of this and he hates himself for it. He can't help but wonder how differently things could have gone for them all had he not been so foolishly reckless.

"Hailey, this is long overdue, but I am so, so sorry!"

"For what?" she's generally wondering.

"For that night, for that week, for pushing you away… It's just, everything with my dad pushed me over again… and I honestly thought that there was no one left who cared if something happened to me. I was an idiot. Judging from the reaction from Voight, and you, and Will, I couldn't have been more wrong… I'm so sorry I even put you in that position…"

"It's okay, Jay, I get it. I can't imagine if something like that happened to one of my parents… but don't dare question again if anyone cares about you… just the thought of losing you Jay…" she bites her lip again and turns her head away so she doesn't break down.

"Hey, hey…" he makes her face him again to show how sincere he is, hoping to ease her fears after all these months. "I'm an idiot ok, but it won't happen again… I promise you won't lose me, ok? I'll never go off rogue and recklessly again…" he contemplates if he should say he's next words, but thinks fuck it, "you're the reason I'll be careful, ok? I'll always make it back to you…"

He wipes the tear that runs down her cheek and they stare at each other, raw and vulnerably, for a long while. This time possibly sharing one of their longest looks ever, the tension in the room is palpable. Hailey breaks the mood first.

"Well, I think I've run up me tear quota for this month, don't you? Pretty soon you're going to have to start charging me for therapy sessions… oh, the irony!" she smiles at him before she looks down and starts self-consciously playing with her beer bottle.

Jay laughs, knowing the moment is over. "I'd never! You are, however, going to have to restock your bourbon… I may have finished the last of it last week and forgot to mention it."

"Forgot? Right!.. Jerk!" she teasingly pushes his arm and he smirks at her.

Jay grabs the remote and turns on the TV. Hailey quietly releases a sigh of relief. She has no idea where things are going from here, but she's glad he knows her enough to drop the subject tonight. As he stares intently at the screen, she casually looks over at him, knowing that things are about to become really complicated and interesting the next few weeks. The breaking point is inevitable. Thank God for alcohol.