[A/N: So the writers wanted to set out to break us with 7x09, huh? Talk about an onslaught of emotions. Well, here is my take on some of what Hailey was feeling during the episode and a little after it ended. I hate winter TV breaks now more than ever, and I just hope this brings Upstead together once and for all when it finally returns. Thanks so much for kindly reading and continuing to follow along!]


Hailey is pacing back in forth in the break room on the phone, her coffee cup at her side in her free hand. It's been almost a full day now since Jay had been taken and every minute that goes by that they don't rescue him, her fear ticks up another notch. She's ready to lose it. She wants to believe it's mostly because she blames herself for allowing Jay to let it get this far, but she knows it's more than that. She's never been more certain in her life than she is now that she just cannot lose Jay. She remembers last year when he was shot chasing Daniel how much that affected her, but this, well this time it's much worse. Not only are her and Jay even closer now, but her feelings for him have grown tenfold, even if until now she's been refusing to admit it. She can't picture her life without him in it, and God help her, she doesn't want to. The thought alone makes her want to vomit. She tries to put it all aside as she makes this important phone call, fearing it's their last hope of gaining leverage on Pedro to give up Jay's whereabouts. It's not going the way she was hoping, unfortunately.

"He was supposed to be here half an hour ago… Yeah… Okay…"

Hailey hangs up the phone in frustration. Her emotions and anger taking complete control now, she slams her coffee cup into the sink. She leans over the counter and feels herself start to tear up as realization takes hold that it's going to take even longer to get to Jay. Who knows what the Silva brothers will do to him in that time span, or if Angela or them will find out he's really a cop. She tries to brush away her tears as she hears Adam knock at the break room opening.

"You alright?" he asks her sympathetically.

"Yeah."

"What's going on?"

"The lockup keepers are taking a long time bringing up that Silva kid. "

"The honor student?"

"Yea, we're gonna use him as leverage against the old man."

"That's a good idea." Adam nods at her.

Hailey shakes her head, as if at a loss. "I've got to do something!"

She notices Adam looking at her like he finally realizes why and what she's going through, and she knows she going to break again. She puts her hand over her eyes as the tears start welling again. Adam puts his hand comfortingly on her shoulder.

"Hey, we're gonna find him. You know that, right?" He says gently. "We're gonna find him!"

A second later Vanessa runs in, "Hey, Emilio Silva just landed."

Finally, it's the first glimmer of hope Hailey has had all day and she runs out with Vanessa. The sooner they can scare Pedro, the sooner they'll have Jay's location.


Within the hour, the team is locked and loaded at the address Pedro gave up. Hailey doesn't care how she has to do it, she's getting inside and getting to Jay; it doesn't even matter if it means risking her own life. His life is all that matters to her. Minutes later, her and Kevin manage to come across a tiny vent that he helps her crawl through to get in. She enters the abandoned manufacturing plant and immediately shuts off her Comms, she doesn't want to alert the Silva brothers, and she's also aware she may have to go incredibly off the book for this one. She quietly starts searching around with her gun drawn and ready. She begins to hear slight scuffling and quickly makes her way towards the noise. She arrives to find Jay wounded and stabbing a now semi-conscious Silva brother. She's never been more relieved and scared to see him in her life. There's so much she wants to say and do, but first she has to make sure he's fine and their perimeter is secure.

"Jay! Jay, are you okay?" she instantly runs over to him and puts her hand on his shoulder, having to touch him, to know it was real. He was there, he was conscious, and most of all, he was alive. She notices his head wound bleeding profusely and his swollen eye instantly. He's definitely going to need a hospital, but he's alive and that's what matters.

"Jay!" she finally gets him to look up at her and recognition triggers on his face that he's safe and she's there. "Hey, are you okay?"

He doesn't reply as they both just stare at each other for an extended period of time, each in their own head. Hailey feels such relief that he's finally been returned to her. She knows now is probably not the time to have the feelings talk, but after the trauma they've been through, it's on the tip of her tongue. She wants to tell him right then and there how much he means to her, in disbelief how it was almost too late. He notices the emotions radiating off of her even with just one good eye at the moment. He nods his head down as if signaling to her there would be time for all of this later. She's saved him again like she always does, and they'll finally have their moment once this is settled, he doesn't doubt it and neither does she. Finally, he speaks.

"I've got to go help Angela, she's downstairs…. Stay with him." Jay slowly breaks away from Hailey and forces himself to his feet.

Hailey looks on in disbelief, not wanting him to go off on his own again, but he's on the move before she can argue and she knows it would be fruitless anyway. It's nice to know this hasn't changed his stubbornness. She waits with the offender and decides to call it in.

"5021 Henry, we've got an offender down and an officer injured. Roll two ambulances to 3900 West Union."

She's in the middle of cuffing him when she hears the gunshot go off and her blood runs cold. It's been less than a minute since Jay left her side again, but a lot can happen in a minute. In a minute 5 earth quakes will rip through parts of the world. The universe will expand by 2,766 miles. More than 250 new lives will be born. The average heart will beat 72 times, and for 105 people it will be their last… Panic takes hold of Hailey and she starts to pray and think of all the possibilities to spin this positively. Maybe it was Jay who pulled the trigger. Or maybe it was just a warning shot. She wants to believe it, but deep in her core she knows it's not true because she knows something is drastically wrong. Something is wrong with Jay. Her Jay that she just got back. She sucks in a breath and buries it all down before she's running down the stairs herself, gun drawn. She's down the steps within 30 seconds of hearing the gunshot, not wanting to know the statistics of what can happen that quickly… after all, it only takes a second for one fatal shot.

She braces herself for what she's going to find, but nothing can prepare her. There's a half-conscious Angela with a gun less than a foot away from her lifeless hand. It's what she sees first… until the worst hits her, the worst is Jay a couple feet away from the entrance to the stairs struggling to draw in air, in clear agony, as a pool of blood starts forming all around his upper left chest. Hailey's eyes bug out of her head and she wants to cry and wants to vomit and wants to scream all at once, but she knows time is of the essence and she has to try to remain calm.

"Oh my God, Jay!" she manages to choke out before she first runs over by Angela's gun to grab it just in case the bitch miraculously gets a second wind. She's running back to Jay then faster than she's ever run in her life.

She drops both guns by her side and instantly starts putting pressure on his wound, attempting to stop the bleeding. He stares up at her helplessly.

"Hailey, I'm so sor…" he tries to say, gasping on his own words as he struggles to breath and talk.

She instantly stops him. "Shh, Jay, it's okay. You're okay. Don't speak, the ambulance is on its way." She moves one hand to scream into her radio again. "5021 Henry, Officer Down, I repeat Officer Down… get those ambulances here NOW!"

She feels the tears in her eyes start to stream down her cheeks and notices how hard Jay is trying to stay alert for her. He looks at her with pain behind his almost lifeless eyes, but not physical pain…

"Jay, you hang on ok? Don't do this to me! We have a lot to discuss you and I, ok? Hang on dammit!"

She swears she notices a small hint of a smirk on his lips. Those lips that she's wanted to slap so many times with his smartass remarks. Those lips that sometimes he just can't keep shut and they get him in so much trouble. Those lips that she's dreamt about almost every night, for who knows how long at this point, that she's never gotten to kiss. The world was cruel and unfair and she can't handle it wanting to take him from her. She starts full on balling then. This all lasts no more than a couple of minutes before Voight and Adam start barreling down the steps.

"Hailey! What the hell happened!?" Voight's gruff voice says in anguish when he sees the situation.

"KEV, GET THOSE PARAMEDICS DOWN HERE NOW!" Adam starts yelling up the stairs, running over to Angela as Voight assists Hailey.

"I don't know… he was fine… and he insisted on coming down to help her, told me to stay with Silva, and a minute later I'm putting pressure on his gunshot…" she starts shaking, trying to talk between her sobs as Jay's consciousness is slowly fading more. "I should have gone down, I should have gone with him… I… Hank, he can't die! I can't lose him..."

It's a world-wind for her as she slightly registers Voight's voice as he's pulling her back. She blurrily registers people she doesn't recognize attending to Jay now.

"It's Alright. It's alright. C'mon, let the paramedics work…" Voight says gently as he helps her up and keeps an arm around her shoulder.

She can't focus on anything he's saying, she can't even focus on her hate for Angela right now… her only focus is watching them help Jay. She stares as they put an oxygen mask on her partner, stable his neck, and slide him onto the backboard. Kevin is downstairs now and assists them in lifting Jay and bringing him up the stairs. She follows right behind, not wanting him out of her sight for a second, or ever again. They get him on the stretcher once upstairs and start wheeling him outside. Her and Voight right next to it. She sees Jay fighting his hardest to stay alert, to stay with them, to stay with her.

She leans over the stretcher and looks right into his face with her tear-covered one. "Stay with me, Jay! Stay with me!"

They're loading him into the bay now and she hops in right behind. She thinks she saw Voight signal to her to go ahead, but she can't be sure, and no matter what there's no way she wasn't riding with him. She tries to stay out of the paramedic's way, but grabs hold of Jay's hand and hangs on for dear life. She'd never been much of a religious person, but she prays the hardest she ever has in her existence on this earth. She's had to deal with so much in her 30 years, so much loss and pain, but nothing compared to this moment. If she wasn't ready to admit this morning and afternoon amidst all the fear she had that she loved Jay, she was ready to now. Her life doesn't exist without him. She would easily sacrifice hers if it meant saving him. But she knows the world doesn't work that way, so she squeezes his hand a little harder as the sirens get louder, allowing the tears to stream down her face again, and she silently prays. There is no good in this world without Jay Halstead, and she's not ready to accept anything less…


[Disclaimer: It pains me that I have to do this because I sadly still have hope in humanity and morals, but alas... It's been brought to my attention that some people have been stealing my stories. I ONLY post on FanFiction and ArchiveofourOwn... so if you come across anything of mine on Wattpad or any of the socials, please report it. Thank you! And to the offenders, be better people!]