Disclaimer:I'm too young to be Rowling, so Harry Potter sadly cannot be mine…

List of names :

Harry(James) Potter, also known as 'H.J.'

The Black King:Voldemort – who else?

The White King:Dumbledore

Petunia (oldest sibling), also known as: Caspet or C.P. from Cassiopeia Petunia, last name: officially 'Dursley, born Evans'

Ris(the second oldest brother and older (nice) twin; Metamorphmagus), also known as: Rissy-Ris-Ris or sometimes SOB-story, drama-queen, (Severus Snape) or S.O. from Sirius Orion, last name (officially) 'Black'

Rus(third oldest and younger (evil) twin; Potion's Master, Metamorphmagus), also known as: Severus Snape or P.T. from Perseus Tobias, last name (unofficially) 'Evans-Prince'

Lilu (the fourth oldest, Harry's mother), also known as: Lily, Lily-flower or Lily Lu Prince from Lily Lucretia, last name officially 'Potter, née Evans). Died in 1981.

Res(youngest sibling; Unspeakable), also known as: R.A. from Regulus Arcturus, last name (officially) 'Black'. Is listed as dead since 1979.

Now on to the story:

OoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooseriouslyooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooseriouslyooooooooooooooooooooooooooO

LETTERS UNTIL CHRISTMAS

sSs

Hogwarts

Sometimes at the beginning of December

A Letter to Harry

My beloved Little Herald,

Tell me, how is your teddy? Have you found the inferior creature of a basilisk, yet?

If you haven't, have you ever thought about searching bathrooms? I might have never gone to Hogwarts, but I remember your grandmother complaining about the Black King traversing bathrooms without spying on the girls in her time at Hogwarts. If I remember correctly, her exact words were 'if young Mr Riddle wishes to be a girl, he should start brewing the necessary potions, instead of trying to act out his feelings by using the girls' loos.'

Just remember to take your teddies with you if you actually go and visit the bathrooms – and maybe either take a girl with you to make out with or do what other boys do in girls' loos. Well, except you have the same tendencies as Mr Riddle – but then I'd advise to go to your uncle for potions and not follow poor Mr Riddle's example. Unlike those uncivilized muggles and those raised by them, we wizards are civilized enough to simply allow change to our sex if we're born to the wrong one.

Sincerely,

Your Great-Grandfather

SsSsSsSsSs

Dear Great-Grandfather,

My teddy is fine. He's a real ninja-teddy. The uncles love their own as well.

Thank you for your advice about the basilisk.

Uncle Ris tried to follow your advice by asking Prof. McGonagall to a rendezvous in one of the girls loos. Sadly, Uncle Rus got wind of it before he could ask her and confined him into one of his cupboards. Something about waiting until Uncle Ris was sobered up from the alcohol and potions he took to find the courage to do so.

I… think that Uncle Rus also mumbled something or other about Uncle Ris and an unreasonable crush since school, but I couldn't actually follow that reasoning. Do you know what he might have been talking about?

Nevertheless, thank you for your idea about the bathrooms. I thought it over and after Hermione declined, decided to ask Luna to come with me to the bathrooms. She was very willing to take a look as long as we don't just look for the basilisk but also for some other creatures like the Crumbled Horned Snorkack. Have you ever heard about that creature?

Also, did you have to give me that information about Mr Riddle like that? Because of you, both my Uncles and I had nightmares about the Black King in tutus on pepper-up last night.

Lots of love

Harry

SsSsSsSsSs

My beloved Little Herald,

Don't complain gaining information about your enemy. Information is the key – or how else do you think I ended up solely locked-up and not dead after my little escapade with the war and all that…

To your question about your Uncle: As far as I remember, your grandmother complained that one of the twins was interested in his teacher. Something about her being just too cool to be true when being strict. There was also something about acting out just to get punished by her or whatever. Ask your aunt. She might remember better.

The teddy enclosed is for your girlfriend – just in case, especially if you're looking for Crumbled Horned Snorkacks as well. If you do, please remember to add sunglasses and a wooden-truncheon to your gear, you might need them. Don't forget, safety first!

Sincerely

Your Great-Grandfather

SsSsSsSsSs

Dear Great-Grandfather,

Do you all want to traumatize me?!

Uncle tells me that the Black King started out as a Slytherin on pepper-up, you tell me that he's actually a girl and an idiot because he didn't take the potions to make himself a girl – what's next? He – sorry, I mean, she – is gay and was in love with my Mum?!

Also… where do I get sunglasses from, here in Hogwarts?!

Love

Harry

SsSsSsSsSs

My beloved Little Herald,

You might be onto something there. It would explain some of the more idiotic things the Black King did when it came to your parents – especially when it comes to trying to kill your Dad.

I'll talk to your aunt. Maybe she knows more.

Also, included are two pairs of sunglasses for you. Wear them.

Sincerly

Your Great-Grandfather

SsSsSsSsSs

"Hey Harry, why are you wearing sunglasses?"

"It's necessary, Ron."

"Why?"

"I'm hunting."

"What?"

"Basilisks."

"And you need sunglasses for that? Why are you even hunting basilisks?"

Harry shrugged.

"Luna wants to hunt Crumbled Horned Snorkacks, hence the sunglasses."

"What… does that have to do with basilisks?"

For a moment, Harry looked quite shifty.

"Nothing?" he finally said, not looking Ron and Hermione in the eyes. "Absolutely nothing."

"Somehow… I don't believe you," Hermione commented frowing.

Harry pouted, then he stopped, and looked surprised out of the window.

"Oh!" he said and both of his friends turned to follow his gaze. "A dragonbird!"

When the friends turned back to admonish Harry for making up creatures, they could only watch when a secret entrance in the wall closed behind him.

Harry had escaped.

(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx

Privet Drive

Sometime in the middle of December

A Letter to Caspet

Dear Granddaughter,

Your nephew had the interesting idea that maybe the Black King had a crush on our Lilu. Do you have any evidence that this could be true? It could explain why he went and decided that our little Herald was the only one being able to defeat him.

There was also a very likely theory of your brother about the Black King having been on pepper-up. You and I know the danger of pepper-up. It can… mess up perceptions, after all – especially paired with other potions.

There's also your mother's statement that the Black King might have been born in the wrong body. Maybe that has been another reason for his psychosis. I remember muggles having a problem with people like that and I remember your grandmother commenting that your mother's classmate was muggle-raised even if he was in Slytherin. It would fit. Somebody should take a look.

Sincerly

Grandfather

SsSsSsSsSs

Res,

I need you to look into the Black King's childhood. Where was he raised? What influences existed? What kind of sexual relationships did he have?

C.P.

SsSsSsSsSs

Caspet,

Raised in an orphanage, muggle London. Most likely influenced by World War II while attending Hogwarts. From what I found out, seen as a devil's child while growing up until he was old enough for Hogwarts. No evidence of any sexual relationships while at Hogwarts or before – and tell me, that was awkward to look for.

Do I want to know why you needed to know?

R.A.

SsSsSsSsSs

Grandfather had an idea about a suppressed sexual identity crisis, pepper-up overdosage and possible suppressed sexual desires.

You know, all the reasons why one would turn a dark lord.

C.P.

SsSsSsSsSs

I sooo didn't want to read that, Caspet! I want nothing, absolutely nothing to do with the Black King's possible sexual anything, thank you! Now I go and bleach my brain.

R.A.

SsSsSsSsSs

It could have been worse. Grandfather is alluding again. I could have asked you to talk to him about it.

C.P.

SsSsSsSsSs

Tell me Grandfather didn't try to allude that his own delusions were because of pepper-up again. Unlike the Black King, he's not a Slytherin, and therefore can't argue that his pepper-up overdosage was the reason for his try at world domination. Being the partner of a Slytherin doesn't count when it comes to that!

R.A.

SsSsSsSsSs

You have to admit, Grandfather was never sorted. He might have been a Slytherin – and then it might explain it. But I agree. According to Grandma he's always been far too reasonable for a pepper-up overdose.

P.T.

SsSsSsSsSs

We're not talking about Grandfather here. This was about the Black King. And his overdose is basically confirmed. Too many idiotic decisions over time to have been anything else. Grandfather was just interested what else was there that might have influenced him.

C.P.

SsSsSsSsSs

Hmm… point.

R.A.

SsSsSsSsSs

Dear Grandfather,

While there is no evidence for your idea about having a crush on Lilu, we found that he was raised in muggle London and therefore had to be effected by World War II and muggle prejudice. Having a suppressed sexual identity crisis, paired with possible trauma, a mild childhood psychosis or a mental break seems to be likely.

Also, it seems we need to have another talk, again, as to why there is no possible way of your own try at world domination being influenced by pepper-up…

Your Granddaughter

Cassiopeia Petunia

(the three pages long rant was dutifully read, certain passages marked and then filed in one of Grindelwald's files that contained similar long and drawn out rants. In Grindelwald's mind, nothing said more how well-loved he was than a detailed, had-written rant about his little spat with Dumbledore and all the idiocy he had committed back then.)

(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx

Hogwarts

Sometime in the end of December

The Headmaster's Office

Albus Dumbledore was staring out of his window, wondering if the world had gone insane.

It had been an odd few weeks.

An odd few weeks and an even odder potions master.

Oh, he wasn't too surprised that Severus was dishing out detentions to Harry like candy. Albus had tried to curtail it, but the moment Severus had grudgingly desisted in giving out detentions for 'breathing too loudly' or 'following instructions too slowly', Harry had started to act up whenever Severus had been near him.

The boy had even jumped out of a window when Severus had been forbidden to give the boy detention for jumping in the hallways.

Albus wondered if Harry actually was set out to get detentions.

Of course, then there were the teddies.

First, Harry had shown up with one at the beginning of the year and had decided to bring it everywhere.

Quite a few children had tried to bully the boy over it, but Harry had just shrugged and ignored it.

Then Severus had gotten a teddy as well.

It was black.

It was soft.

And totally cute – as long as you didn't try to take it away from Severus.

If you tried, Albus had found out, it could grow teeth and be utter vicious.

After the first try, nobody actually tried again.

Of course, as if Harry hadn't wanted to be outdone, his own teddy had suddenly started to follow him everywhere – by actually walking.

Albus wondered who had enchanted the bears.

Albus also wondered why Severus had just shrugged when asked about it.

"It's necessary," he had said. "It's either this or being confined to my quarters. I prefer this – and Potter does, too."

Yes, it had been an odd few weeks.

Albus just hoped that they would end soon – sadly, he feared that it wouldn't be the case at all.

"Harry, my boy," he said, looking at the boy sitting in front of his desk in a chair. "Please explain to me again why you thought it necessary to go into the girls' bathroom on the fifth floor with Ms. Lovegood in tow."

"Like I said, Headmaster," the boy explained patiently. "We were looking for Crumbled Horned Snorkacks, hence the sunglasses and wooden- truncheons."

"And the reason why you decided to force young Mr. Malfoy to follow you?"

Harry blinked innocently.

"Luna said we needed a sacrifice and Malfoy asked to be it nicely when he spoke to Luna a few minutes before," he explained. "It would have been rude to exclude him after he asked so nicely."

Yes, Albus Dumbledore couldn't wait for Christmas to come. He just hoped that by sending home Harry to his loving family, the boy would finally calm down again and stop acting out. Should Petunia deal with him for a while. Albus needed a vacation from all the insanity around him.

(In the Slytherin dorm sat a very white looking Draco Malfoy, whimpering silently.

WHY?!

He hadn't done anything wrong!

He had just called the Scar-Head's friend Loony!

And maybe tried to hex her a bit!

That wasn't any reason for them to drag him into the girls' loo and then force him to sing one children song after another sitting on one of the loos while they patrolled the bathroom with wooden-truncheons in the hand, wearing sunglasses.

No, he definitely hadn't deserved that!

Draco whimpered again.

It was one of the prefects who finally reacted.

"Potter?" he asked sympathetically.

Draco whimpered.

The prefect sighed and patted his head.

"I'll go and talk to Professor Snape," he assured Draco. "At least, he will ensure that Potter won't bother you for a few days."

Draco whimpered.

"I know," the prefect said. "Take your time. Everyone needs it after Potter. We'll talk later, just know that neither Potter nor Lovegood can come in here. You're safe."

No, Draco knew that he hadn't deserved it! And the moment he was done with his freak-out he would go and write his father!

Of course, that would just end with his father having his own freak-out after dealing with a teddy-possessed Snape, but at least then, Draco wouldn't be the only one freaking out anymore.)

OoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooseriouslyooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooseriouslyooooooooooooooooooooooooooO

That's it for today.

Just a remark: yes, I know that Grindelwald is prejudiced, he's a (former) Dark Lord, after all. No, that's not my opinion. Also: no, Voldemort is not transgender nor gay or in love with Lily or whatever. This story isn't serious, don't take it seriously - even if the Evans-family comes up with their own theories as to why things happened.

So, please, don't be offended.

'Till next time.

Ebenbild