{Finally an update with Season 8's (1-5) episodes... sorry for the delay, but hope it was worth the wait, I know Upstead was!...}


Hailey had been back from New York for a couple months now. So many things had transpired in the past eleven weeks since she had originally left. The city was still learning how to navigate the pandemic, as was the rest of the world. Kevin was in the middle of a brutal Blue Wall battle by not backing Doyle's "heroic" death, due to his own racist behavior. Vanessa had taken on another assignment more suited for her expertise and parted ways with Intelligence for the time being. And the country was in an upheaval over police reform and trying to right for its bad seeds within law enforcement. It had almost felt like the entire world changed in such a short period, but the one constant was still her partnership and friendship with Jay. They'd both be lying if they said they didn't miss the other terribly while she was away. Absence definitely made their hearts grow fonder. However, while they had grown even closer since her return, spending every extra bit of time together, neither had acted on their feelings that were getting harder by the day to deny.

Somehow it just never felt like the right time and both would gladly take any excuse to cower from admitting how they felt. There was so much going on, always a new thing popping up, and both were kind of scared of taking a chance of risking what they have. Their friendship was the most important thing in both of their lives. It would take a drastic change to get them to chance it all for romance. So right now they were content with just being Upton and Halstead, Jay and Hailey. It worked and they needed it. For instance, like in this moment when Hailey needed reassurance that she didn't upset Kevin even more with all that was on his plate. She had gotten frustrated while watching a press conference with new Deputy Superintendent Miller and her words came out wrong. She had been beating herself up for over an hour now even while catching a case of a little girl getting shot. As they were canvassing the neighborhood for any potential witnesses or answers, she had to confide in Jay.

"I hope Kevin didn't think that I… I was bitching about the Deputy Sup's speech, not trying to minimize what happened to Sean Page..."

"I think he totally knows that. He's just venting. He's going through so much right now. I wouldn't worry about it."

Jay gives her a soft smile that she happily returns. He always can manage to bring her back.

"Okay." She agrees before they continue to the next house.

The next few days prove even more tolling on the team, with the little girl victim dying from her injuries, and the case unraveling. They had found their killer, Miguel Cortez, but due to Adam announcing their name after broaching his house, the evidence against him was deemed inadmissible. He certainly refused to confess, and since the ways of new reform and Deputy Miller's eyes on them, Voight couldn't just throw suspects in the cage anymore and beat them into admission. So they had to let him go… a child killer set free. Needless to say, it left them all with a bad taste in their mouths and Hailey and Jay needing to do their thing. Jay came over at the end of the week and they sat around her kitchen island together, sipping on her good tequila.

"It's so quiet here now without Vanessa around, no wonder you're moving to the new place." Jay comments after their first round.

"Yeah, it is. I used to love living alone, but I do miss her. It was nice to have someone to come home to, you know?"

"Yeah…" he nods softly as they slowly stare at each other.

Hailey breaks the moment first. "But it will be good to condense. I never really needed all this space just for me anyway. Maybe change will be good."

Jay chooses not to respond and instead gives her a gentle smile as they both start to stare into their drinks. This had been the one downfall of not fessing up to their feelings yet, these little awkward moments of wanting to own up to it all or just wrap the other in their arms, but having to find a way to stifle the want. It usually ended just like this- awkward, but comfortable silence while they thought up a change of subject. After a couple of minutes and a bunch of sips later, Jay starts anew.

"Voight must be losing his mind with having to let Miguel go. Kev told me he screamed at him when him and Ruz refused to put him in the cage."

"Yeah." Hailey agreed. "We're certainly going to have to do things a lot different as a unit now…"

"Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe we've all pushed the limits a little too much over the years."

"Yeah, you're probably right. But it still doesn't sit well that we had to let a child killer walk."

"No, it doesn't. But karma will find him eventually. I just hope Voight doesn't go off the rails and find it for him first. He doesn't have Al anymore to cover his tracks…" Jay says dejectedly at the mention of their old team member.

Hailey smiles sadly as she swirls her finger around her glass, staring off into it. "Hmm, don't we all wish we could have our own Al's in life."

Jay swallows slowly, trying to hold back emotion again. "A person who would go to hell and back for them? I think some of us already do…" he reaches out to grab her hand and steady it in his.

Hailey looks up and they stare into each other's eyes again while she tries to find words, squeezing his hand back. "Yeah, I think some of us do…"

They smile softly at each other in understanding. The night gets easier from there as eventually they make their way to the TV to unwind. While they know they're not ready yet for the next step, it's becoming clearer and clearer to them they'll get there…


Another month goes by and things have seemed to level out a little. Kevin is in better spirits again since he threated Nolan, causing the older detective to finally lay off of him for now. Deputy Miller has proven to be on their side more than those in her position in the past. And Voight has been handling all the new rules and eyes on them surprisingly well. He's still Voight, of course, but even he's learning to grow and adapt slowly. Everyone just wanting to work together to make the city a better place.

Hailey and Jay still haven't taken the next step, but what else is knew with the past three and a half years? They say the more things change, the more they stay the same… but Hailey was finally getting sick of it. The FBI had been up her butt the past couple weeks with a job offer and she'd been doing all she could to postpone and ignore them. She hasn't told Jay yet, and she can only imagine what his reaction would be. There is a small, girly part of her that wants him to find out and finally confess and fight for her, but her conscious knows that's a fairy's tale for a thirtysomething, independent woman to want. She learned early on in life that if you want something, you have to go after it yourself. You can't expect to wait on others or to have it be handed to you. And in the wee, dark hours of the morning, trapped in her thoughts, she knows it's Jay she wants. It has been for a long time. Which is why when Platt delivered that final and last FBI offer package to her in front of Jay, she knew this was now or never. She watched his shock and curiosity as he wondered what they could want from her. She wasn't surprised when he finally leaned down to ask once Voight had sent the team on their tasks.

"What the Feds want?" he asks her casually, but she senses his nervous urgency to know.

She leans back in her chair and looks up at him. Inhaling softly before breaking it to him. "It's a job offer…"

He turns his head down for a second, trying to stifle his reaction. "That's good, where at?"

"New York…" she says cautiously, while trying to gage his reaction.

He nods and gives her a small smirk. "Cool." Is all he says before he walks away.

She nods and sighs. She wants to kill him. Cool. Cool? That's his only response. She'd be so frustrated right now if she didn't know him so well. She didn't expect him to give her anymore, certainly not at work, but this just proved to her they had to talk this out once they wrapped this case. It was time.

Luckily the next day gives them that reprieve. Once Hailey was sure that Kim was all set with tying off the rest of the case, she turned back to her partner at their joint desks and made her way over to him.

"Hey. Wanna grab a drink tonight at that bar by my new place? Heard it's supposed to be great." She asks him quietly, hoping no one else will hear and try to hop in on the plans. They needed to have this conversation solo.

"Cork and Kerry?" he questions.

"Yeah, that's it." She smiles at him, impressed he already knows her new neighborhood that well.

"Sure. Let me just finish typing this up then I'll drive us?"

"Sounds good. I'm just gonna go grab my bag."

She makes her way to the locker room, butterflies in her stomach. She doesn't know how tonight will end, but she knows no matter what happens things are about to change again. By the time she gets back to the bullpen Jay is ready and waiting for her. Their drive over is relatively quiet, both lost in their own thoughts about her FBI offer. Jay still trying to wrap his head around it, but trying his best to hide it. Once at the pub they're their usual selves through dinner and their first drink; joking around and avoiding the elephant in the room. But by the time the night is almost over, Jay is ready for the conversation just as much as Hailey was, so he broaches first.

"Alright, let's do this. Just rip the bandaid off… What did the FBI offer you?"

She laughs. "Okay… Joint Level Task Force, with the Hig, all interrogations, all high-end targets…"

"Sure, Sure, sure, sure, yeah that sounds awesome. Is it good pay?" Jay tries to joke, causing her to chuckle.

"It's great pay. Honestly, made me a little embarrassed about what we get paid." She jokes back.

He waves his hand, internally accepting defeat. He's really about to lose her, possibly, but he can't stand in her way. "Well, you'd probably be really good at it!"

"Yeah, maybe." She shakes her head in indifference.

"You liked it out there, right?"

She's trying to think of the best way to answer instead of saying: no, jackass, I like and missed being with you. She doesn't think that would be appropriate so she settles for, "ahhh, uhh, I don't know if I liked it… I think it was just what I needed at the time." She shrugs.

"Okay… but you don't need it now?" Jay questions, wondering where all of this is going.

Hailey looks at him incredulously and mercilessly teases. "No, why, you think I need it? Are you trying to tell me I should take it?" Come on, Jay, give me something.

"Noo!" he instantly defends. Then tries to choose his words wisely. "Ahh, I'm saying it's a good job for a good cop!" he gets up to hand over the check, starting to feel a little nervous and thankful for the reprieve.

She refuses to let him get off that easy though, trying one last time to put the ball in his court. "You could tell me you don't want me to take it. It's an option." She tries to come off nonchalant, but she still feels the anxious school girl crush vibes she's giving.

He smiles brightly at her, thinking about saying something, something that's been on his mind for far too long, but changes gears. This is her decision and he would hate to sway it because of his feelings for her. "I want you to do whatever you want to do. I'm just practicing self-preservation here."

Hailey smiles again, getting it. She knows he's not going to come in her way if this job is her dream, so she'll have to finally be clear with him that her dream is something entirely different. "The agent on the phone said the only reason a good cop doesn't take a job like this is cause they're scared, implying that I am afraid of change, and I want to stay here where it's safe." She continues to look down.

"So he's a dick?" Jay jokes, trying to lift her spirits and making her chuckle again.

"I don't think that's why I don't want to take it." She shrugs and looks directly at him. "I don't want to take it because of you…"

Jay looks at her in shock and awe, not believing she's potentially admitting to wanting this thing they've been running from for so long. He's still in shock as she continues.

"I'm better with you as my partner. You know, you, 21, Voight. I know I'm better here. So, I'm not gonna take it!" she swallows hard, adamant in her response.

"You sure?" he looks down at her, still wondering if he's dreaming. Not believing she's choosing him over the job opportunity of a lifetime. People have not chosen him time and time again over less.

"Yeah." She nods as the waitress comes back with the receipt, ending the conversation for a moment. She stands up to grab and put her caught on as Jay grabs his to do the same. She's not done though. She still doesn't feel like he's fully grasped the weight of her words. And she's determined to take that step tonight. Consequences be damned, it's time. She's fairly certain he feels the same, but she's going to test the waters for sure. He continues to study her, knowing she wants to say more.

"He wasn't really wrong though, was he? You gain something, you give something up?" she gets teary-eyed. Implying that if she had chosen the job, she'd be losing him… but not taking the job and potentially taking a chance on them, she could lose her partner. She watches realization strike his face and she knows he gets it.

He looks at and replies to her softly. "Maybe, but, not always…" trying to let her know she could have it all, him, if that's what she wants.

She tears up even more, hating how emotional this is making her, but when it came to him she always did wear her heart on her sleeve. "Ugh, it's been a long time, since I saw you as just my partner, oogh…" she wipes a tear from her eye before working the nerve to look at him again.

The second she does Jay is already staring her down and then rapidly moving in. He heard exactly what he needed to finally act. She was in this with him and it was finally their time. He starts leaning in even quicker, he can't hold back anymore. He finally shows her everything he's felt for probably years now for her. The kiss is instantaneous, both of them leaning into it at the same time. It's desperate, but sweet and intense, all while savoring the moment in the middle of a bar.

Hailey wraps her arms around his neck while Jay pulls her closer. Their hearts alight with emotions they've never felt before and neither wanting to let go. She slowly slides her hand down his chest, resting it there, in a gesture she's done many times in vastly different circumstances, feeling the beating of his heart matching hers. It's all too soon when they finally break away from the kiss, realizing their surroundings and smiling shyly at each other as they lean their heads together. It's Jay who speaks first. His voice is huskier and deeper than she's ever heard it, even more than the time he woke in the hospital, it's caked with emotion.

"Let's get out of here, okay?" His eyes plead tenderly.

"Yeah..." she replies softly, grinning at him before giving him another quick peck.

He grabs her hand and guides her through the bar. All is finally right in their world.


The next morning finds them in another heavy makeout session. After arriving back to her place the night before, the two of them quickly stripped their clothes and unleashed all the want and tension they had built up for so long; they couldn't get enough of the other. Sleep only happened for a couple of hours, so once dawn broke it was pertinent for them to refuel. After a quick breakfast, they rushed back to her bed and under the covers to not only find warmth from the cold winter morning, but the newfound comfort of each other's arms that had quickly become an addiction. Jay had wasted no time pulling her on top of him and Hailey gladly showed her appreciation by kissing him languidly. Minutes must have already passed since they returned to the bed and with another hour left before they would have to start getting ready for work, it was clear where this was going. Hailey moaned into his mouth as she moved even more on top of him, their hands wandering everywhere.

"Mmm, I don't want to go to work today!" she mumbles into his mouth between kisses.

"Let's tell the bad guys to take a day off." Jay barely manages to get out while still trying to kiss her.

She smiles into his lips. "I like this plan." She says before kissing him again, stroking his face and pulling him closer.

Their plan is short-lived however as a moment later Hailey's phone vibrates from her side table. Jay's already exasperated as he pulls back for a second. "Mm, don't get it!" Hailey smiles again as she kisses him again trying to appease them both for a little longer. The phone keeps buzzing and they both groan as she starts to pull back.

"I have to." She whispers to him as they smile at each other and she leans in to give him one last peck.

"Ugh!" he grunts as she gently places her hand on his chest to push him back and then whimpers when she shifts her lower half from his. "No!" he tells her playfully, running his fingers along her ribs and trying to keep her on him.

She laughs happily. "I have to. I have to." Slowly pulling away more.

He's smiling in defeat, still trying to plead. "No, don't do it. Don't do it."

"I have to." She laughs again as she finally rolls off of him more and starts moving and reaching across her bed for her phone. Still feeling playful and not wanting to lose the contact he reaches for her hips to follow and then leans over to kiss her shoulder as she grabs her phone. She instantly beams again and reaches back for him with her one hand as he runs his hands along her bra strap.

Their happiness is fleeting though when she realizes what the messages say. She instantly sits up, her whole demeanor changing. Jay notices instantly.

"What's up?" he questions.

"Looks like my dad collapsed. He had a heart attack, he's at Med right now." She says reading the messages from her mom.

"What?" Jay instantly pops up with her in concern. "Is this out of the blue? Was he not feeling well?"

Hailey jumps up from the bed to run to her closet and throw on a hoodie. "No, I don't really talk to him anymore, but my mom said he's doing better. I don't know… not drinking, exercising, y'know, changed, whatever…" she finishes while grabbing garments from the floor she discarded last night to throw on while Jay hops up to put on his jeans.

"Let's go. I'll take you to Med." He tells her.

"Okay."

The drive over is quiet with Hailey lost in her own thoughts and Jay studying her in concern. With everything happening so fast, it hasn't even crossed Hailey's mind yet that she might not actually want to see and face her father. Finally Jay break the silence.

"I'll let you out when we get there and I'll look for parking."

"It's okay, you don't have to come in." she tells him. Not wanting this to be how he spends their first day together, and certainly now how she intends for him to finally meet her family. She has to face them alone.

"You sure?" he asks, wanting to be there for her and needing to know she's fine, but knowing he doesn't want to push.

"Yeah, thank you." She gives him a small smile in assurance, not sure if it's more for him or her.

Before they can think about it any longer a call comes over the radio. Hailey is grateful for the distraction.

"That's five blocks away, come on, let's roll." She insists.

"Roll? What about your dad?" Jay asks in confusion.

"I'll go later!" she tells him, ending the conversation by answering the radio call.

Jay doesn't understand it. Her mood flipping from concerned and anxious daughter to a woman looking to run from the problem… but again, he doesn't want to push. So he just listens to her and makes the turn towards the crime scene, with intent to be there when she needs him throughout the day.

The case turns out to be brutal, a dead cop that Voight used to be close to. It was starting to feel like a real Murphy's Law kind of day. For her part, Hailey stayed distracted from her problems through most of it, with Jay giving her cautious glances throughout. It's not until she's in the break room alone later, filling her coffee mug again, that Jay tries to broach the subject more as he follows her in.

"So what's the word with your dad?"

"Uhhh, yeah he's okay. Um, he's got two clogged arteries. So they need to do bypass surgery." She tells him trying to smile through.

Jay gapes in shock and worry. "When?"

"Two days…"

"Well you gonna go see him?"

"Yeah, maybe tomorrow." She says indifferently as she starts to walk away. She's not purposely trying to end the conversation or walk away from him, she just has no desire to talk about her dad right now. While she was concerned this morning, throughout the day she remembered the man her father had turned into, and honestly, she doesn't feel so sorry for him anymore.

"Hailey…" he calls her softly, stopping her in her tracks.

She turns to face him again. "Yeah?"

"Look, I know who your dad was, and I know what he did. But if something happens, and you don't go see him, then you're gonna carry this for the rest of your life." He gently tries to tell her, memories of the troubled relationship with his own father coming to his mind and not wanting the same path of regret for her. "So don't do it for him. Do it for you!"

Before Hailey gets a chance to respond, Voight starts talking about the case and that's their cue to return to the bullpen. She gives him a soft, small smile and runs her hand on his arm in thanks before they leave the breakroom. She hears him, she does, but she's still unsure if she's ready to make amends with her dad. The case is a small reprieve again as Voight sends her and Jay in again to talk to one of the suspects. While Jay starts working him, Hailey gets trapped in her own emotional thoughts. Jay starts telling him to rise above his petty anger, good people can recognize that people are flawed and make mistakes, deserving of second chances. It's too much for Hailey, in her convoluted sensitized brain, making a connection to her own father. Thinking maybe Jay is underhandedly trying to get through to her to see her dad and not blame him for his past mistakes anymore. She walks out of the room, knowing the suspect won't give them anymore either. Jay is quick on her heals, not realizing anything is wrong.

"This guy is unbelievable!" he says to her before realizing she's upset. "What?" he asks confused once he sees her pained expression.

"Your speech…" she starts with tears in her eyes. "'Good people know that people are flawed, that they do stupid things sometimes?'"

It hits Jay then that she thinks he was referring to her situation. "Hailey, I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about Zack. I know who your father is, and that he was abusive."

"You don't know the half of it!" she tells him adamantly.

"No you're right, I don't, I'm sorry." Getting teary-eyed himself thinking he could have possibly hurt her and in pain for what she's going through. "You know I'm on your side. I'm just trying to help!" he tells her softly.

"I don't want your help, not with this!" she shuts him down quickly and turns to start waking away.

It's then Voight comes around the corner to them, noticing instantly their tension and emotional state, but choosing to ignore it. "How'd it go with Zack?"

"He's not talking." Jay quickly responds.

Voight studies them some more. "Alright, take him home." Is all he says before walking away. Effectively ending their personal conversation for good for the moment. Hailey angrily walks away from Jay as he watches her before turning to get Zack. This was not how he had wanted their first day finally together to go.

Luckily the case proves more distraction for the rest of the night when it's finally time to call it a day. While the emotions of their little fight have cleared, they still haven't addressed it again. The ride over back to Hailey's is spent in silence. Jay pulls into her complex and puts the truck in park, letting it idle as they both sit there, unmoving. Finally, Hailey breaks the silence.

"You want to come in? We can order Joe's?" she asks lightly, trying to make amends, already knowing she had over reacted earlier.

Jay breathes a sigh of relief and smiles at her. "Sure, that sounds great."

They make their way inside, ridding their coats and shoes, grabbing beers and settling on her couch while she orders the food. Once that's done, they're both in uncharted territory at this point. They've never had to return from an argument while now being this version of them. It's awkward for a moment while she turns on the television, then she finally does the one thing she wanted to all day- she moves closer and leans back into him. Jay instantly relaxes, as does she, as he puts his arm around her, holding her to him. They sit like this for a little longer, just enjoying each other's comfort.

"I'm sorry about earlier. It's just… things with my dad are never easy for me. I know you mean well and are just looking out."

He squeezes her tighter and leans his chin on her head. "Hailey… I get it. I'll be here for whatever you decide, whatever you need. I just don't want you to have the same regrets I do…"

"I know. I should see him. He is my dad after all, and he wasn't always this horrible guy… I'll see how the case goes and how I'm feeling tomorrow."

"Okay." He tells her softly, not wanting to push or sway her anymore.

She buries her face into his shirt more. "You know, you are definitely going to have to get a change of clothes if you're staying here again." They both laugh.

"You asking me to spend the night?" he teases.

She balks. "No, I'm just saying. Not only will it start to look like you're homeless, but I'm not washing your outfit so it doesn't start to smell."

"Mhmm." He smiles as he feels hers form against his chest. "Maybe I'll pack a bag in the morning, leave it here as a just in case for the future."

"Hmm. Maybe I'll do the same for your place."

She turns her head to look up at him and they grin at each other. He leans down to kiss her softly, both knowing they'll be okay…

The next day thankfully sees the wrapping of the case. Not only were they able to clear the cop's name, but they helped a domestic abuse victim in the process, and that was definitely a personal win for Hailey. Her and Jay chat with her in the breakroom, assuring her that her testimony will put away her abuser, and now murderer, away for good.

"What he did to me… I can't forget, but, knowing that he's out of my life forever- that's good enough!" she tells them and Hailey listens intently. The words ringing true to her, she just doesn't realize yet how much.

While they say their goodbyes as Jay is walking her out, Hailey gets another text from her mom. Jay senses something is wrong and turns back around.

"All good?" he asks concerned.

She tries to hold in her emotions. "Yeah, they moved my dad's surgery to tonight."

He moves closer to her. "I'm not gonna tell you what to do…."

She cuts him off, ready to assure him, trying to assure herself. "I'm going to the hospital right now."

They smile at each other as she rubs his shoulder and walks off to her desk. "I'll see you later?" she asks him hopefully, turning around to him to walk backwards.

He grins and nods at her, his eyes following her the whole time while she grabs her coat and heads out. Hailey is trapped in her thoughts at she makes her way over to Med. At this moment, she knows Jay is right and that she should at the very least, talk to her dad before he goes in for surgery. That all changes though when she gets outside his hospital room and stares at him through the glass. All the bad memories come rushing back as she watches this once stout, now frail older man lying in his hospital bed. It's then she realizes she just can't do it. She's not ready to face him, she can't, she won't. It doesn't matter what Jay said, or her mom, assuring her he's changed. She's heard it all before. She refuses to let this man bring her down any longer. Maybe her witness's words from earlier are true, maybe him being out of her life forever is good enough. Maybe it has to be. Before she can change her mind again, she walks away, tears in her eyes, trying to hold back crying. She doesn't owe him anything anymore, she doesn't owe anyone…

An hour later she's drinking her beer at home, still lost in the thoughts, when she hears the knock on her door. She pulls it back, instantly smiling at Jay, him just having that effect on her, as he smirks back. She's not ready to have this conversation with Jay again, but she's definitely glad he's here.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Beer?" she questions as she locks the door, already making her way back to the kitchen.

"Yeah, sure." He puts his coat on top of hers on the couch and follows her. "So how'd it go?" he asks in reference to her dad.

"Uhh…" she grabs the beer from the fridge. "Good," she nods, "glad I talked to him." She says nonchalantly, watching him stare down smirking at her, clearly not buying it.

She looks back at him, acknowledging, and taking a sip of her beer, turning away. She knows he knows she's lying. But they're both content to just let it slide tonight. She's not ready to talk about this anymore, but she knows Jay will be there when she is. For tonight, he's here, and that's all that matters to both of them. They're good, and they always will be…


[A/N: Wow guys, we finally have canon Upstead and it's not just about "Feelings" anymore... what a happy world! I still plan to continue on this episode-based path for this story, so we'll see how it goes. My apologies for not writing as much or as many stories as I used to... after years of writing multiple ways and wishes for Upstead to finally be, it's been nice to take a step back and read the new world of fics from others now. Upstead's fanfic world has grown so much and it's so amazing to see. As always, thanks for reading and for sticking by this ship and fandom through all the ups and downs, time to hopefully reap the rewards. Stay safe out there!]