10/9/20XX Friday

In school suspension sucks. Instead of going to class, you head to the front office, get signed in, and spend 8 hours of bonding time with Principal Anderson. He doesn't even let you bring games or work on homework. Instead, he hands you extra assignments that aren't for any of your classes! The worst part is that the principal lumps you in with the straight up thugs of the school. Rumor says that Walter White, a junior who's in ISS at least twice a week, sent a group of five that jumped him to the emergency room. Mr. Ottoman might've feared for his safety, but I feared for my life.

Instead of the usual school secretary who looked like a hag, Heather Hills took her place. If you didn't know, Heather's the prettiest girl in Crossland, and every straight guy's thought of her with a kleenex in hand. She has the body of a model (She's been in magazines before) and her gorgeous, wavy, blonde hair that drives me crazy. Unfortunately, she a little old for me. I'm more into kids my age, like her sister, Holly.

That didn't stop me from staring at her outfit (A really tight, long sleeved shirt) as she checked me into ISS. She noticed and glared daggers at me after she pointed to Principal Anderson's office. I think she likes me.

The principal handed me a book called Animal Farm and told me to write a 2 page long summary about it. The cover looked like a Stalin poster about pigs. Seriously, what the heck is this? If Principal Anderson wanted to get the school delinquents into reading, he should've handed them a copy of the Peter Johnson series. It's pretty funny and educational, since it's about this half-god kid fighting Greek monsters. After reading all 10 books, I think I'm pretty fluent in Greek.

I didn't want another day in ISS, so I started reading the story. The talking pigs threw me off, since I expected Principal Anderson to assign me "sophisticated literature". Y'know, the ones where you have to find stuff like "symbols" and "themes". As I read more, it got kinda interesting. It's about this group of pigs who get abused by their farmer, so they form a group and scare him off from his house to make their own pig-friendly group that won't screw over animals again. I'm surprised this hasn't happened at Crossland yet. I know a few people who'd love a student owned school that didn't assign homework.

It was 10 AM when someone else walked over to the front desk. Principal Anderson always leaves the office door open, so he can keep watch over his staff. That meant I had a full view of the back of Heather Hills' golden waterfall of hair, her yoga pants, and whoever she talked with. It wasn't hard to eavesdrop, either.

Chris Anderson might've had a cute butt (said by several girls in middle school), but this kid was cute in all the right places. He looked like a guy version of Holly, with a clear face, brown eyes, blond hair and a nice body. No homo. I'm straight, I swear. But if he was a girl, I'd ask her out in a heartbeat.

I tried focusing on my book, but the force of Heather's hair and the new kid kept my eyes busy. I hope he was in my grade, because then all the girls were gonna flock to him and toss Chris with us singles. Then again, Holly would've crushed on him too.

The new kid said his name was Alex. Alex Jefferson, in a nice, smooth British accent. The name tipped me off. The only Jefferson I know is Rowley, and there was no way he was related to Alex. Then Heather asked him some more questions, leaving me as confused and dumbfounded as he replied.

He said he was 14. Okay, that's alright. He looked a little older, though.

Then he said he had a cousin. Named Rowley. Rowley Jefferson. No fricking way. I've met his cousins, and I'd never seen Alex in my life. I guess he didn't feel like messing around with his little brothers 10 years younger than him, but then…

Rowley only has the cousins who live somewhere in Asia. Mongolitzhikstan or something. Alex said he lived in Britain, which explained his accent. But that's not possible. Rowley would've told me if he'd had a British relative in all 4 years I'd known him. He wasn't the type of guy to to pass up the opportunity to brag.

After Heather finished filling out her forms, she said he could leave. But then Alex saw me staring at him through Principal Anderson's open office. You know what he said?

"Oh. Greg Heffley, right? Nice to meet you."

Mom doesn't like me cussing, even in my own private diary, but I think this is an exception.

Who the hell is Alex Jefferson and how the FUCK does HE KNOW MY NAME?