"And just what do you think you're doing?"

Miles jerked awake at his desk to find Amy's scowl dominating his view. The pink hedgehog's arms were folded across her chest and she tapped her foot with growing annoyance.

"Guess I fell asleep, huh?" He rubbed sleep from his eyes with a frown.

Amy nodded grimly, hammer already in her hand and swinging.

Piko!

"And just what time did we fall asleep?"

"I… guess… a few... hours ago?"

Piko!

"Don't lie to me."

Miles glanced out the window at the grey winter morning with a frown, then at the monitor.

"Thirty-eight minutes." He sighed, bracing himself for another hammering. "Maybe."

"Miles Prower." Amy sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, violence momentarily deferred. "What are we going to do with you?"

"Sorry." Miles rubbed the back of his head, pressing a button on his desk. "Guess I got distracted."

"For seven hours."

"Well… yeah."

Amy glared at him, thumbing the handle of her hammer with a frown.

"... Breakfast will be in twenty minutes. Clean the grease off your ear. Cream's coming over, remember?"

Ah yes. Probably should have remembered that small yet important detail around six hours ago.

Still, it was for a good cause. Miles yawned, extending his hand, catching the canister that popped out from above and cracking it open. A plume of superheated steam washed over his glove.

"Darn it." A theoretically good cause. Was it something to do with the heating elements? He'd gone through the entire system-

A message pinged up on his screen. Miles glanced at the white icon flashing up, finally replying to the message he'd sent the night before. Mile slid the burning liquid away from him and reached for the keyboard.

:: Rouge, you there? I need your help with something.

:: Sorry, handsome, middle of an infiltration mission. Can this wait a day or two?

:: Really? Satellite tracking shows you're still at home though? How strange.

:: You do that for all the girls, tiger?

:: Just the ones with a habit of stealing my stuff and leaving it at crime scenes.

:: Mmmm, I'm flattered.

:: Fine. Let's talk about how you're going to pay me for my services, cutie. (~-^)

Miles sighed. He'd been afraid of this. Rouge was actually genuinely nice - at least to him - and frequently helped him out. But she was worse than Cream when it came to messing with him.

:: I could tell you the whereabouts of the tracker?

:: No deal. Those are way more fun to find myself.

:: How about I don't tell Amy you were the one who spiked the drinks at her party?

:: You have no proof of that.

:: Yeah, I'm sure Amy will care.

:: And she definitely won't hammer your jewel collection.

:: Ugh, fine. (¬-¬)

:: Let me get dressed and I'll be right with you. What did you need? Should I pose for the camera?

Miles groaned, rubbing a hand across his eyes again. Rouge might less trouble in text format, but that wasn't saying much.

:: I need romance advice.

:: Well why didn't you say so! You came to the right bat, hun. That rabbit girl? Dairy?

:: What? No, Amy.

:: !?

:: Pinky?! \(*o*)/

:: Huh. Didn't know you had it in you. ,(^-^)-b

:: I don't.

:: That's why I'm asking you.

:: I have no idea what I'm doing. How can I set up a successful date?

:: Huh? Dates aren't *complicated*. You're just trying to get to know one another.

:: You want to go somewhere that there's something fun to do.

:: Something you can talk about so you're not stuck in awkward silence the whole time.

:: And you need to show her you're dependable and worthwhile. ($-$)

:: Well from what I've heard you've not done too bad so far in any of that stuff. (~-^)

Miles raised an eyebrow. He wasn't sure how. Amy hadn't managed to land a single date with Sonic, despite his best efforts, and when Amy's thoughts turned to romance Sonic didn't stick around long enough to even have a conversation, let alone notice her better traits.

:: But in the end, most importantly? S(^-^)Z

:: You've got to kiss the girl. (\/)(^o^)(\/)

:: What?

:: Yes, the cartoon crab was right.

:: Girls aren't psychic.

:: Probably not even Pinky? (6-o)

:: A date without a kiss is no different than just hanging out and being friends.

:: But a kiss shows you'd like to be more than friends.

Made sense, though from everything he'd seen neither Amy nor Sonic had any illusions about how Amy felt, and Amy was very convinced that Sonic felt those things back.

:: Alright, so I just need to get them to kiss then?

:: It's not guaranteed. Maybe she just doesn't feel the same way about you.

:: But

:: Wait, them? (O-O)'

:: Amy and Sonic?

:: OH. (¬-¬)'

:: That's *much* easier.

:: Wait, really?

:: Yeah. Spike his drink, get her to marry him before he sobers up.

:: Very funny.

:: Wasn't kidding.

:: Well, unless you wanted to tell him about all those hot dates you two went on? (~-^)

:: If he gets jealous then he's at least interested in her, and maybe he'd make a move because he's worried about losing her.

:: But I wouldn't do it if I were you. Jealousy is unpredictable, it can just as easily backfire.

:: I'll pass.

:: Good choice. If you need something to spike his drink with let me know, I know a guy.

:: …Sure.

:: Thanks for your help. Have fun finding that tracker.

:: Oh I *will*. Anyway, never actually got dressed. Catch you later, cutie. ,(^-^)/

An image popped up on the messenger a moment later. Miles didn't open it, closing the chat instead with a weary sigh. Dealing with Rouge was exhausting. Maybe he'd wait a few days for his before telling her how he'd made up the whole tracking thing.

Well if her advice was correct - and Rouge was the only person in his dysfunctional social circle to have any real experience in that sort of thing - then all he needed to do was arrange the perfect setting. Possibly involving heavy intoxication or some kind of mind control beam. Sonic would then want to kiss Amy, and they'd be girlfriend and boyfriend for real. And that would be... fine.

She would finally be happy, and Sonic would… well presumably he would be happy too. And then… Well, he couldn't see Sonic settling down, but maybe he'd let Miles build him some houses? Or build... Amy some houses? Or maybe Amy would just join Miles and they'd follow Sonic around the world together? An extra room per lab would be no trouble and he would be-

No, he was getting ahead of himself. First he needed to figure out how to make it happen.

Wait. Vanilla had been married right? Maybe he should ask her too? There was somehow a sense of danger about broaching the topic with her, though. Maybe-

"Mister Tails?"

"Ah!" Miles almost jumped out of his chair, almost tipping over the cannister of minty boiling doom.

"Sorry, Mister Tails." Cream clasped her hands behind her back. "I didn't mean to surprise you."

"Oh..." Miles clutched the fur of his chest, willing his heart to settle down. "Hi, Cream. I thought you were... How long have you been standing there?"

"Hm? Don't worry, Mister Tails, Miss Amy just let me in." Cream smiled brightly. "I didn't see anything."

"Uh-"

"Did you know you have grease on your ear?" Cream leaned closer, deftly keeping him off-balance as he tilted back against his desk.

"Oh. Uh… no?" Miles rubbed the back of his head. "I'd uh, I'd better go get... cleaned up. Don't touch the container."

Ducking past the rabbit he beat a hasty retreat to his room, shutting the door behind him and quietly burrowing his face into his tails for a moment to compose himself.

Should have slept. Amy had been showing uncharacteristic mercy lately, but Cream was as determined to break his carefully maintained calm as ever. He could barely deal with people in text.

Miles grabbed a fresh pair of gloves with a sigh, yawning at his reflection in the mirror. What were they even doing again? Something outdoors… Hiking?

A chime pinged from his hammerspace. He pulled out his Miles Electric with a frown, activating the comms function.

"Tails! You there?"

"Sonic?"

"Morning buddy! I just saw Eggbots running around Mystic Jungle zone up to something. And that's no good! You in? Uh- if you're feeling okay that is. I don't-"

"Sure thing, Sonic. I'll be there in less than an hour. Call me if anything happens before I get there."

Miles closed the communication with a tap of his finger. Thank you, Eggman.

Well, he had been overdue for his latest villainy. Probably just finished sleeping off all his holiday cheer, but this gave Miles the perfect excuse to duck out of whatever it was he'd been about to do with the girls and even grab some sleep on the way over before getting his adventure on. Then he could reschedule their hangout session to another day where he was rested and better equipped to cope with girls in general.

Miles turned for the door, carefully setting his expression to properly bear the bad news and possibly talk Amy into letting him take his breakfast to go.